CHAPTER SEVEN
Journey
“Move that bus. Move that bus.”
I cracked an eye open just enough to see Jasmine bouncing up and down on her bed, chanting those three words over and over. I groaned and pulled a pillow over my face, then sat straight up, searching for my phone.
Crap.
Adrenaline hit my system, and my feet hit the floor. It was already seven. I’d wanted to get up at six-thirty so I could pack up our hotel stuff and then go to work. It was Friday, and I had a ton to do.
“Pack up, Jaz,” I said as I whirled around the room, grabbing up clean clothes before heading to the shower.
“I have allll day to pack,” she complained without missing a bounce.
I glanced over at her and used my casual voice, doing my best to not treat her like a child. She hated that more than anything. And I hated myself when I caught myself doing it. “What about class?”
She stopped bouncing, her eyes going wide. “Class is today?”
I kept my face neutral and continued to collect my things. As intelligent as my sister was, she had challenges with dates. We’d tried full-sized calendars, pocket calendars, watches with date and time, but it was still a challenge. I’d deeply wanted to buy her an Apple watch for Christmas that we could program with her agenda, but I hadn’t been able to swing the expense last year. If I had to skip lunch every day this year, I was going to get her one this Christmas. So far, I’d managed to hide away my yoga money each month to make sure I was able to afford it.
Jasmine received a small disability check each month that helped with our expenses, but most of it went for her school. The rest of her check went into her savings account that I wouldn’t touch if I could help it.
“Won’t Jesse be there too?”
Her face split into a grin, and she dropped to her butt and nearly catapulted off the bed. “Yes. I need to get ready.” In her excitement, I had trouble understanding some of her words, but I thought she said, “Kisses for me.”
“Kisses?” If it was even possible, her grin grew wider. And a hint of a blush colored her cheeks. It was infectious, and I found myself grinning too, although not totally comfortable with the whole kissing theme going on. “Have you and Jesse been kissing?”
She turned to face me and planted her fists on her hips. “Jealous?”
Well… actually, I kinda was.
And it kinda worried me a little. If a little meant a lot.
Many people with Down Syndrome had sex. They married. They had kids. They lived wonderfully normal lives.
But my sister…? That was a lot to take in.
On one hand, she was an adult capable of making her own decisions. On the other hand, she was still childlike in many ways. Was she capable of making a decision this important? Was Jesse pressuring her? A thousand questions raced through my mind.
Did I need to take Jaz to the doctor? Did we need to talk about birth control? The birds and the bees?
“Have you and Jesse done more than kiss?”
Her almond-shaped eyes grew wide and a guilty look spread on her face. “That’s very personal, Journey.”
Oh. Crap.
“Sorry, I was just curious.” Dang, my heart was starting to pound. Even though I’d been Jasmine’s legal guardian since Mee-maw died, I wanted to be her sister, not her parent, but I was feeling very parent-ish in that moment. “If you need, um, birth control and stuff, then we need to make an appointment to visit—”
“We’ll just use condoms. It’s best that way.”
My mouth sagged open, and my eyes began to blink as if they were trying to wash away the images of my sister going into a pharmacy and standing in front of the condom rack.
I wasn’t prepared for this. Not this conversation. And not so casually executed.
It wasn’t as if I didn’t think this would become a topic one day. I knew it would. Jasmine was beautiful and smart and normally had a self-assurance I lacked. She was a flirt. She usually enjoyed talking to men. She was a young woman with young-woman desires and needs. Hopes and dreams.
But sex…?
When people asked me if it was hard to take care of a sister with Down Syndrome, I usually just laughed and said something along the lines of… heck yeah, it’s hard. It’s hard to wait by a restaurant door while she goes around to each table to say hello to every person in the place. It’s hard to wait for her to wave at all the people on any bus that passes us on the street — which was a lot. Hard to laugh all the time at her funny jokes. Hard to be hugged nearly to pieces every day. Hard to be around someone who smiles almost all the time.
Okay, I was being facetious. Being with my sister wasn’t hard at all. I’d gotten used to my extremely friendly sister wanting to “make other people’s days by talking to them.”
Well, she wasn’t making my day right then.
Jesse Bowman was also going to art camp. He and my sister would be together for three weeks… practically alone. Did we need to pick up condoms today? Would my sister’s first time…
Crap. Would this be my sister’s first time? Had they already been screwing like bunnies?
Oh. My. God.
“Are you all right?”
I realized I was frozen in place, clutching my clothes to my chest. Forcing myself to relax, to smile, I nodded. “I’m just going to shower real fast, then we’ll pack and go. We’ll leave our luggage downstairs until this afternoon.”
“Okay. I’ll get ready out here. I showered last night.” She frowned. “It was last night, wasn’t it?”
Smiling, I nodded. She nodded too, and I watched her pull out her makeup bag and begin sorting through the contents. She was primping for Jesse, anticipating his kisses, anticipating… what?
She glanced over at me. “What?”
Jesse and Jaz sitting in a tree. K-I-S-S-I-N-G.
“Does Jesse make you happy?”
To my surprise, Jasmine just lifted a shoulder. “He’s my first boyfriend so I don’t really have much to compare it with. There’s another guy who seems nice and I think he wants to kiss me too.”
I was blinking really fast again, trying to make everything make sense. Did she just call Jesse her boyfriend? When did we stop talking about this stuff?
I cleared my throat. “Yeah? And what’s his name?”
“Kyle. He’s really handsome too.”
Forcing my eyes wide open, I looked down at the khakis in my arms, smoothing out the wrinkles I’d caused by crushing them against my chest. “Um, is Kyle going to art camp too?”
Jaz nodded, a sly little grin lifting the corners of her mouth as she dipped a brush into some green eyeshadow.
I was stunned. Jasmine had secrets.
I was a little hurt. Why hadn’t she talked to me about all this?
“Don’t look at me like that,” Jasmine said, the brush hovering just above her lashes. “It’s not like we’re going to have a threesome or anything.” She laughed and waggled her eyebrows up and down. “Maybe.”
Maybe?
I swallowed down the thousands of things I wanted to say and settled on, “What do you know about threesomes?”
She rolled her eyes. “We have a TV, remember?”
HBO! I knew it!
“Well, I’m just going to go shower now.”
Jaz turned toward me more fully. “You’re freaking out.”
My damn eyelids continued to twitch. It was like they had a mind of their own today. “No. I just want you to be happy and—”
“How will I know who I’ll be happy with if I don’t try on a few guys first?”
That actually was a very good question… if it was coming from anyone other than my sister.
“Just be careful.”
She smiled, the happiness returning to her face. “I will be. And it’s fun to flirt. Fun to have choices.”
Choices.
I couldn’t even imagine it.
“I think it’s wonderful,” I said after taking a deep breath. “I’m happy for you, and I want you to have fun. And you can always talk to me about this kind of stuff, you know?”
She rolled her eyes. “What do you know about dating?”
Okay… that really hurt.
And it really was true.
I lifted my chin, still stroking the khakis. “I’m going out with Nash Saturday night, remember?”
Her face brightened. “Yeah. And I think Grant likes you too.”
Something deep in my stomach twisted, stirring to life. “You do?”
She nodded vigorously. “You should see the way he looks at you when you’re not looking.”
I might not have seen it, but I could feel it. I pressed my hand to my belly. I could feel it now.
“Well, Grant hasn’t asked me out. Nash did. And we’re going out Saturday night.”
Jasmine’s face turned dreamy. “He’s really cute.”
I remembered his blue eyes, the way he so openly looked at me. His friendly, open smile and expressions. My stomach twisted again. Low and deep inside me. God, my libido was turning into a slut.
“Yeah. He really is. And he seems like he’s a lot of fun.”
Jaz’s face fell. “I can’t believe I won’t be home for you to tell me everything.”
I lifted a brow. “The way you’ve been telling me everything?”
She had the grace to blush. “Don’t be mad. There’s just some things that I want to keep to myself. It’s like hugging a pretend teddy bear.”
I got it.
And I decided I needed to relax about it. After this last thing…
“Do we need to buy condoms for your trip?” I was proud of how steady my voice was. “Just in case?”
She met my eyes, and that grin that lifted my spirits spread over her face. “I don’t know. I think there’s a big difference between wanting to do something and actually doing something.”
She was so damn smart. She might not be a math wizard, but Jasmine Walker had more emotional intelligence than most. And, in my opinion, that was the smarts that mattered.
Tears pricked my eyes, and I thought about my own fumbling attempts at sex. How the hormones had overtaken the brain each time, even if the actual experienced hadn’t measured up to my fantasies.
“Well, let me know before you get on that bus tomorrow, okay?” Laying down my clothes, I sat next to her on the bed, taking her hand in mine. “It’s hard for me to see you so grown up, and there will be times when I forget you’re an adult. But that doesn’t mean you aren’t one, so just be patient with me. Okay?”
She leaned in and kissed my cheek. “You’re the best big sister ever.”
I began blinking again, but this time to remove the moisture gathering in my eyes. “You’re the best little sister ever.”
“Journey…?”
“Yes.”
“You need to hurry. You’re going to be late.”
Startled, I jumped to my feet and grabbed my clothes again. “Yes. I’ll be quick.”
Stepping into the bathroom, I turned on the water to warm, then examined my reflection in the mirror. My hair tended to be on the dry side so I didn’t wash it every day. It would be okay in its normal ponytail. I had the senior center at eight, then home health visits that afternoon. My last appointment was at four, so I should have plenty of time to pick up Jaz and meet Grant back here at the hotel by five. He told me he’d help us get our things moved back in after the “big reveal.”
Grant.
I sighed just thinking his name. Grant Sommerfield was one of the reasons I was so tired and out of sorts. I enjoyed his company. After the night at the pool, he’d stopped by each evening to “check on us,” only staying a few minutes after that first night. He’d never done or said anything inappropriate, never treated us as anything other than charges he’d taken under his wing.
Still…
The way he looked at me. The way I felt when my eyes met his.
He’d taken up residence in my dreams last night, taking on the roles of everything from the white knight striding in on his gallant stallion to looking like the big bad wolf about to blow down our doors.
He was both. The very epitome of good and bad. Right and wrong. Lethal and lifesaving.
And I wasn’t even sure why.
Maybe it was the distant, dangerous vibe that came off him in waves. Maybe it was the way people automatically stood taller around him, called him “sir.” Maybe it was because he was so very clearly out of my league, it made me want to step out of the box I’d put myself in for so long. Take just a little taste of a life so far above mine. Eat more of the steak he’d insisted I enjoy Tuesday night when I was so used to ham and cheese sandwiches.
No, he might look at me like Jasmine said he did, but he’d never acted like anything but the benevolent benefactor in my presence. We were charity, I reminded myself. After this evening, I’d probably never see him again.
The knowledge made me sad.
My phone pinged, and I picked it up, grateful that technology had interrupted my thoughts.
Oh my.
It was a message from Nash. Still plan on being Wicked? Where do I pick you up tomorrow night?
I licked my lips, and a tiny surge of guilt swept through me. Why, I didn’t know.
Because I was attracted to two men? There wasn’t anything wrong with that. Was there?
No. Not at all. Besides, I was just overthinking everything, just like I usually did.
Taking a deep breath, I typed out my address, and added, I’m looking forward to it.
It.
So many possibilities in that little word.
It could mean the show, which I absolutely was looking forward to.
It could mean the after. A kiss. A touch. More?
Setting my phone down, I yanked off my pajamas and jumped in the shower, soaping a washcloth with the hotel soap that smelled of lavender and vanilla.
Washing my neck, I imagined Nash kissing me there, his teeth nipping at my skin.
My nipples hardened, and I ran the cloth over their points, closing my eyes. I imagined a mouth closing over one of the peaks. But it was Grant’s mouth pleasuring me this time.
Nash was behind me, pulling my head back by my hair, turning my head until our mouths connected.
Grant sinking to his knees, kissing my stomach, then lower. His teeth gliding over my hipbone.
Nash’s hand coming around to cup my breasts, squeezing them hard enough to almost hurt.
Grant’s tongue between my legs, causing a fire to begin to burn as he sucked my clitoris into his mouth.
Nash closing his hand over mine, moving it until my palm wrapped around his cock, the tip already slippery with pre-cum. His tongue stroking mine as I pleasured him with my hand.
Grant’s fingers sliding inside me, filling me with their length while his tongue circled my clit.
Nash’s hands moving down to my ass, cupping my cheeks, spreading them wide. His finger—
Knock. Knock. Knock.
My eyes popped open, my heart pounding in surprise.
“Journey! You need to hurry!”
One hand was between my legs, the other on my breast. I yanked them away. “Coming!”
I really needed to pull myself together.
On triple time now, I rinsed off before breaking the world record toweling off and getting dressed. A ponytail later, I was tossing everything in our bags and called it done. Hauling my pack on my back, I grabbed our suitcases and turned to Jaz.
She looked so pretty.
Her eyeshadow was a little bright, but it was springtime and it made me smile. “You look beautiful,” I told her, taking in her khaki shorts and green t-shirt.
She practically glowed with her smile. “Think Jesse and Kyle will like it?”
My heart squeezed. “They’d be nuts if they didn’t.”
She hauled her bag onto her back, picking her bike helmet up off the dresser. “Let’s go have an awesome day.”
We hooked arms and marched from the room. “Yes. Let’s.”