“SO, YOU’RE REALLY thinking about leaving?”
I watched with narrowed eyes as Mason moved his white knight, captured my bishop from where it sat on the chess board, and placed it with the rest of my pieces he’d slowly been collecting.
Shit. How the hell did I miss that? It was so damn obvious.
“Your move,” he announced, a cheeky grin on his face as he folded his arms over his chest and returned to his cross-legged position on the floor.
Resting my elbows on my knees and cracking my knuckles, I studied the pieces remaining, attempting to guess his next couple of moves and come up with a strategy that would work in my favor. I hadn’t played chess in years, so my game was seriously lacking, but damn, if I was going to let this kid win.
As we sat in silence, Mason grabbed his blue-raspberry slushy from the coffee table, wiggling the straw against the plastic lid before giving it a loud and obnoxious slurp.
I lifted a brow, pinning him with a glare. “Do you mind? I’m trying to concentrate here.”
“Seriously?” He shook his head and laughed. “Just move your piece. You’re going to lose anyway.”
I was going to lose anyway?
The hell I was. Overconfident little shit.
“Listen to you,” I scoffed, contemplating whether I should bring my queen into play. “What makes you think you’re going to win this?”
“Because you suck. And your head has been elsewhere ever since I walked through the door.”
“Has not.”
“Has too.”
I drew in a sharp breath and blew it out slowly, not knowing what was worse: arguing with a kid or admitting he was right. My head had been elsewhere. For the last three months, it’d been stuck in Cassi’s house, replaying the night I’d told her everything, over and over again. If I’d found out about Adam sooner, would it have changed anything? As much as I’d like to believe it, I don’t think it would.
Some things, I’d learned, were meant to remain broken.
“Stop avoiding my question.”
“What question?” I asked, deciding to move my bishop and capture a measly pawn.
Mason rolled his eyes as if exasperated with me. “Are you still thinking about leaving?”
I paused, knowing my answer wasn’t what he wanted to hear. “Yeah. Yeah, I am.”
“You’re just going to pack up and leave, as if your life here didn’t even exist?”
“It’s not much of a life, Mason. And it’s only six months.”
“A lot can change in six months. A lot can change in the length of a second.”
Wasn’t that the truth.
“It’s fine. I get it. It’s just …” His voice trailed, disappointment on his face and in his tone. “Who else am I going to spend time with?”
I was too hung up on his depressing words to realize he’d captured my rook, aligning himself in front of my queen.
“You sneaky little …” I gritted my teeth, stopping myself from saying something inappropriate, and moved my king into position. “Let’s see you get out of this one.” Flashing him a wicked smirk, I waited for him to take his turn, but his change in demeanor wasn’t lost on me. “And I’ll be back. If you need me, you know I’m just a phone call away.”
“Yeah. And three hundred miles.”
Man. This kid knew how to throw the punches, and he was aiming straight at my heart. As I sat watching him, the sound of a car door closing outside grabbed my attention, and my gaze momentarily lifted to the large bay window.
I blinked in disbelief.
No. No, it can’t be ...
Looking entirely too beautiful in a pair of black knee-high boots and her red peacoat, Cassi adjusted the black wool scarf around her neck and hurried up the concrete path to my front porch. With each one of her steps, my pulse quickened and my heart somersaulted in my chest. Convinced my eyes were playing tricks on me, I blinked again.
Still there.
I was on my feet before my lungs caught their next breath.
“Whoop! Take that! Checkmate, sucker!”
Ignoring Mason’s excited squeal as it echoed in my periphery, I lunged over him and bolted toward my door. I rested my fists against the wood, glancing out the small round glass to see her standing on the other side, and an uprising of nerves churned in my gut.
What did she want? Why was she here?
My hand trembled as I grabbed the knob and yanked it open, my thoughts suspended while I took in the delicate lines of her face.
Her arm hovered midair as if getting ready to knock, and a tiny gasp slipped from her mouth at my sudden and unexpected appearance.
“Dude! What the heck? I won. Checkmate!”
Mason’s voice blurred into white noise as we stood there.
“Hi, Sam.” She licked her lips and looked away, a nervous gleam in her chocolate-brown pools.
“Cassi. What are you doing here?”
“I was hoping maybe we could talk?” Her knuckles blanched as she tightened her grasp on her purse strap. “Do you mind if I come in?” She lifted her chin, gesturing at the door.
“No, of course not.” I nudged it farther open, closing my eyes as she passed, her body brushing against mine and reawakening the dormant ache I felt at not being able to kiss and touch her. Although ache didn’t seem adequate to describe it. Ache implied dull, and there was nothing dull about the way I felt when it came to Cassi.
“Oh, hi, Mason,” she said, acknowledging his presence before returning her beautiful face to me. “I didn’t realize you had company.”
“I don’t. He was just leaving.”
“What? No, I wasn’t.” Mason gaped at me with a narrowed scowl and then glanced at Cassi with a self-satisfied grin. “I just kicked his butt in chess.”
“Yes. And now you’re leaving.”
He attempted to argue. “But—”
“Mason. Leave. Now.”
“Ugh. Fine. Maybe she can convince you to stay, seeing as I can’t.” Shoulders slumped, he reluctantly stomped toward the door, that defiant, hormonal teenage attitude rolling off him in waves.
What the hell?
He was ten. That shit wasn’t supposed to start for at least another three years. Right?
“Stay?” Cassi’s gaze darted to mine. “What is he talking about?”
“He’s thinking about going to Boston.”
“Mason,” I gritted, shooting him daggers. The muscle along my jaw ticked in warning.
“Fine.” He put his hands up in surrender. “I’m going, I’m going. I’ll see you later.”
As soon as the door slammed shut, Cassi spun toward me. A frown knitted her brows, and the corners of her mouth tugged downward. “You are?”
Blowing out a breath, I gripped the back of my neck. An uncomfortable tension circled and stiffened my spine at what I was about to say. “Yeah, I am. It’s a lot of money and a great opportunity.”
“It is, but what about all of your doctor appointments? Your routine check-ups and biopsies?”
I shrugged. “I’ll fly home. It’s only an hour-and-a-half flight each way, so at most, I’ll only be laid up for a day or two every month. And I’ve already talked to my cardiologist. He has a good friend at Massachusetts General who has agreed to see me if there are any immediate concerns.”
“I see.” Without looking at me, she walked over to my couch and sat on the edge of the cushion, glancing at her hands as she twisted the silver band on her thumb around and around. “You sound like you’ve given it a lot of thought.”
“I have. I’ve been thinking a lot lately.”
There was a moment of nothing but our shallow breaths and distant regrets.
“And in all of that thinking is there any chance you’ve thought about me?” she asked hesitantly, the sadness in her tone squeezing my chest.
“Is that really a question that needs to be answered?” I pressed my lips together, desperate to tell her how much I’d missed her, how these last three months of my life had been the fucking loneliest without her. “Of course, I think about you, Cass. Every second of every goddamn day.”
How could I not when this heart of mine beat for her—only her? It always had, long before it was ever placed in my chest.
“Don’t go.” The uttered words were spoken so low I barely heard them.
I looked at her incredulously. “What?”
Rising to her feet, she returned to where I stood beside the door. Our eyes locked, my reflection dancing in hers as the flecks of amber in her irises glistened. The intoxicating fragrance of her perfume filled my nose, the sweet vanilla scent reminding me what it was like to have her naked and pressed against me.
“I’m asking you not to go.”
“And what? Stay here?” A huff of air deflated my lungs. “My life is at a standstill, Cass. It’s been at a standstill for the last twenty-eight years. I’m not moving or going anywhere. I’m doing the same damn thing over and over again and nothing has changed. I’m pretty sure that’s the definition for insanity.” I shook my head, conflicted with my own decision now that she was there in front of me, but that was only temporary, wasn’t it? Her being there? “There is nothing here for me. I have no reason to stay.”
“I’m here,” she choked out, her hands coming up to cup my face. I instantly yielded to her gentle touch, covering her small hand with my palm. Despite the coldness of her fingers, they felt like fire against my skin. “I’m here. Let me be your reason.”
My pulse thrummed, and my heart tripped over its own beats at the possibility of what she might be saying, insinuating. I was wary to give in to the hope because there was still so much between us—not physically but mentally and emotionally.
An invisible wall had been erected by all of life’s unfortunate events. Our pasts had defined us, threatening to rip apart a future that always seemed a little more than an arm’s length out of reach.
“Cassi.” Her name left me on a hopeless sigh. “I don’t know how to do this. I don’t know how to make this right.”
And I didn’t.
I couldn’t erase all that had happened. I couldn’t reverse my actions, and I couldn’t bring Adam back, but I’d do anything to have her look at me again as if I’d given her life and not been the one who destroyed it.
“How can you ever possibly forgive me?”
She shook her head. “I’ve never blamed you. And I’ve finally gotten to a point where I no longer blame myself.” She took a deep, shuddering breath. “I’m not perfect, Sam. I’ve made so many mistakes in my life. I have so many regrets, and letting you walk away is one of them, but I need you to know that I didn’t let you walk away because I didn’t care for you or that I cared for him more. I let you go because the guilt of being with you outweighed the happiness I felt when we were together, and it wasn’t fair to you.” Her tongue darted out to wet her lips. “When Adam died, I was convinced I’d never fall in love again, and I was okay with that. I was prepared to live the rest of my life alone.” She paused. “Then I met you.” A sad smile touched her lips. “You taught me how to be happy in spite of my sadness. You taught me it was okay to be broken, because although I couldn’t see it, there was still beauty hidden within my damaged and shattered pieces. You taught me to let go of the past and look forward to the future … and I want you to be my future.”
It all sounded too good to be true.
“I’m not him, Cass. I won’t ever be him, and I can’t give you the same future he might have once promised you.”
“You think I don’t know that?” She looked me straight in the eyes, raw honesty shining through her dark brown orbs. “I need you to understand something. You may have the heart of him, but I’m in love with the whole of you. I am so hopelessly in love with you, and I’m sorry it’s taken me so long to tell you. I’m sorry it’s taken me so long to say it, but I needed to be in a place where I could and not feel guilty. I needed to not feel guilty—not only for me but for you, too—because you deserve a love as selfless as the one you give, Sam. And I can’t stand here and tell you I’m whole. I might never be fully whole. And maybe you’re not either. Maybe you’ll spend the rest of your life searching for that part of you that you feel like is missing, but I’m asking you that we at least do it together. If we’re meant to be broken, let’s be beautifully broken together.”
I smoothed my knuckles over her cheek and along her jaw, searching for an answer to solve all our problems. I loved her, and I wanted to be with her, but I didn’t know how to make this work. How was I supposed to live my life and keep her close? Doing so seemed impossible. “You told me not to waste my second chance on you, and the truth is, I would, because you mean more to me than any second chance ever could, but I owe it to him, Cass. I owe it to Adam to figure out my life and live it for the both of us.”
“And you think going to Boston is the answer?”
“I think it might be a start.”
She was quiet, and I wondered what it was working through that head of hers. I hated this. I hated the idea of leaving her, not while she was right here, right within my grasp.
“Take me with you.”
“What?”
“If you feel like this is what you need, if you think leaving for six months will help, then go, but take me with you.”
“Cass.” I huffed out, unsure what to say. “You have your job here, a job you absolutely love.”
“I’ll quit.”
“No. No, I’m not letting you—”
“Then I’ll stay, and we’ll just figure it out, okay? I can come visit you. You can come home on the weekends. Long distance isn’t ideal, but we can make it work.” She was practically pleading with me. “We can make it work.”
At a loss for a reply, I stood there.
My mind ran circles around all that she’d said, and I needed to be sure I’d heard her correctly. I needed to be sure that she was all in, no matter what. She must have read my silence as rejection, though, because the next thing I knew, she was walking away from me and toward my door, the corners of her eyes crinkling as if to ward off tears.
I grabbed her hand, spinning her around to face me. “Say it again.”
“I said we can figure it—”
“No. Not that.”
Her brows narrowed, confusion flitting across her expression. It took a moment, but the second she realized what I was asking, she spoke softly, her voice barely above a whisper. “I love you.”
“Again.”
“I love you.”
“One more time.” I drew her closer.
“I love you, Sam. I love you so—”
I crushed my lips to hers, taking hold of her face and driving my fingers through her hair. Those three little words were everything I’d been wanting to hear, but her mouth—her sweet, sexy mouth was everything I needed to feel.
The initial sweep of our tongues was slow, tentative—a reacquaintance of sorts—but the tenderness soon shifted into something far more desperate and possessive. Cassi clutched my wrists, steadying her balance as I tilted her head back, kissing her harder, deeper, with a fervent need that I was sure I’d never fully be able to satisfy.
God, I loved her. I loved her so much. “I’m so fucking in love with you.”
A soft whimper scraped up the back of her throat, and I swallowed the sound, my hands leaving her face and taking on a life of their own. Impatient fingers fumbled with the buttons on her coat as her fingers worked to free the belt on my jeans. She kicked off her boots, and I toed out of my shoes. Piece by piece, our clothing ended up somewhere on my living room floor: her gray silk blouse, my white T-shirt, her black leggings, and, finally, my jeans.
Desire and lust crackled in the air like little electric sparks, igniting my blood, and as I drank her in, her beautiful curves covered only by delicate pink lace, my tenuous control waned.
A growl of want released itself as I grabbed her by the waist, eliminating the distance.
It’d been entirely too long since I’d last had her half naked in my presence, I’d almost forgotten the way she affected me, the way my body hummed with the visceral need to be consumed by her.
Reaching into my boxers, she took me firm in her palm and stroked me from base to tip. Her thumb swept teasingly over the head, and I closed my eyes, unable to slow or prevent the hot surge of arousal.
“Cass,” I hissed through clenched teeth, the sensation too intense and severely overwhelming. Pleasure, sharp and powerful, slammed into me, and I yanked her to me, ushering her in the direction of my bedroom.
Our urgency and impatience had us tripping and knocking into furniture. We stumbled to the floor, both so turned on and eager for each other, and I quickly realized we weren’t going to make it to the bed. No way in hell were we going to make it any farther than where we were.
This was happening.
Here. Now.
Lying on top of her, her heat and softness making me mildly delirious, I unclasped the small bow on the front of her bra. Her beautiful, perky tits beckoned me closer as I pushed the material aside, and I leaned in, taking one taut nipple into my mouth while swirling the tip of my tongue around the rosy flesh. Shivers wracked through her, transferring to me as I licked and sucked at her breasts, the taste of her skin an aphrodisiac.
Wrestling with the band of my boxers, she attempted to remove them, and I assisted, kicking them free at the same time I grabbed the thin strings hugging her hips. Not nearly quick enough, I guided her thong down her legs and flung the fabric over my shoulder before spreading her knees wide.
Dark brown hair sprawled out in every direction around her, she stared up at me through a half-lidded and expectant gaze, her chest rising and falling in nervous waves.
“You’re beautiful.”
And she was—so damn beautiful.
Sometimes it physically hurt to look at her.
Pressing back on my heels, I smoothed my hands up and over the silken skin of her inner thighs. My cock throbbed, and the anticipation was too much, too torturous not to immediately act. Slowly, I dragged the tips of my fingers through her dampness, brushing my thumb in a feather-light stroke over her clit.
At the movement, Cassi’s entire body twitched and jerked, and I did it again, loving the way she reacted to my subtle touch.
“Oh God.” A moan ripped from her throat, fingers clawing at the hardwood unable to find anything to grasp. “Please, Sam. I’m begging you.”
“Please, what?”
“Don’t stop. Please don’t stop.”
Applying a little more pressure, I circled her clit—again and again. “You like this?”
Breathless, she nodded. Her chest heaved more rapidly, strangled whimpers escaping her on erratic pants.
“And what about this?” I slid two fingers down, driving them inside her tight heat, watching as her mouth parted on a sharp gasp and her eyelids fluttered closed. The absence of words leaving her had me grinning in smug satisfaction. “I’m going to take that as a yes.”
She said nothing. She was too caught up in the pleasure to pay me any thought, and I was too caught up in her to care. There weren’t many things on this earth that had the power to take my breath away, but she was most certainly one of them.
And like this … Jesus … like this, she was gorgeous. Lips red and swollen from where I’d kissed her too hard, legs spread open wide, her pussy glistening from the wetness of her arousal.
She was a stunning sight to behold—a beautiful dream—coming apart and slowly unraveling at the mercy of my hands.
“God, you’re soaked, baby.”
Continuing to fuck her with my fingers, I thrust them in and out, slow at first and then increasingly faster. Her hips gravitated toward me with every push and pull, as if she were attempting to catch my rhythm, and the strong urge to taste her again came careening out of nowhere. Bringing my mouth to her knee, I licked up her thigh until my nose was right over her core before circling my tongue around the tiny bud.
Cassi startled at the added sensation, her hand reaching for my hair, her nails scratching gently along my scalp as I alternated between short and long strokes.
She tasted incredible. One hundred percent woman. One hundred percent mine.
“Oh God, Sam …. please … that feels …”
She bucked and writhed beneath me, parting her legs farther to give me more access, and pressed herself into my face. I ate her up, tongue delving deep, sliding and licking, teeth nipping at her sensitive clit.
“Shit.” She yanked my hair, speaking between strangled breaths. “Ah, God. I’m so close. I’m right there.”
Like delicate glass slipping from the palms of my hands, Cassi shattered, bursting into a million scattered pieces. Her muscles clenched, and her thighs trembled. She cried out my name, over and over again, pressing me close, pushing me away.
Moving up her body, I reclaimed her mouth before she’d even opened her eyes. Her tongue met mine with equal abandon, dueling for dominance. We kissed deeply, passionately, my hunger for her increasing with each passing second. How did she do that? How did she give me everything yet still leave me wanting more? The thought of ever having enough of this woman was one I couldn’t fathom, and a huge part of me was still in denial that she was here, giving me not only a piece of her heart but the whole damn thing.
Slipping an arm between us, she wrapped her slender fingers around my shaft, and I closed my eyes, losing myself for a moment in raw, sexual bliss. Her hand was warm and soft, so damn soft, as she worked it up and down, finding a pace that had my dick pulsing and my balls drawing tight. Another minute or two passed, and I couldn’t take it any longer.
“I need you,” I rasped, breathing harshly against her lips as I pushed on her shoulders and pinned her to the floor. “I need you right now.”
“Then take me.” Cassi’s legs opened on invitation, and my next breath came out on a choked groan as I settled myself in the warm cradle of her thighs. “I’m yours. Take me any way you want me.”
The head of my erection nudged at her slick entrance, driving me to the brink of insanity. I felt wild for her, crazed, like, if I didn’t slide into her within the next second, I’d lose my goddamn mind.
“You’re fucking killing me, baby.” Gripping her hip, I held her steady. “I’m sorry for this.”
Momentary confusion soared across her brow at my apology—an apology born for no other reason than my inability to take this slow, to go gentle. We’d done gentle, and there was not a thread of restraint left in me to deliver the same. This time would be rough and hard, and if I performed at even a fraction of the way my body demanded, she’d be feeling me well into tomorrow.
“Why are you—”
I thrust into her all at once, hearing her words die on a broken gasp as her back arched, her body lifting and melding with mine as I sank myself deep. My hand found its home at the base of her spine, and the feel of her—her wet warmth, the way her body held me tight within its soft grasp—had me biting out a curse.
“Fuck.” Every inch of me trembled, my muscles straining for a modicum of control, and a thin layer of sweat collected on my skin. “You feel”—I leaned down and kissed her—“so fucking good.”
Her only response was the myriad of sexy moans that filled the air as I started to move, slamming into her, over and over, like an untamed animal set free and unhinged.
Each thrust was rough, spurred on by the way she circled her legs around my waist and tipped her hips upward, seating me as deep as I could possibly go. The heels of her feet dug into the muscles of my ass, and her nails bit at my shoulders. Pain. Pleasure. Streaks of them both rippled through me as I drove into her, a savage beast desperate to consume.
There wasn’t anything in the world that felt better than this.
Better than her.
“Cass.” I kissed her, making love to her in all the ways I knew how.
“Oh God.” Her hands refused to remain still. They were everywhere: stroking my arms, my back, my chest—kindling the fire and setting it ablaze. “Sam. It feels so good. You feel so good.”
Her breaths were coming faster and faster, her hips meeting mine thrust for thrust, and I struggled to hold back the coil of pleasure swirling in my abdomen, prickling my skin, and drowning me in her perfection.
“Cass,” I moaned, my entire vocabulary reduced to her name or so it seemed. Running my lips down the column of her throat and over the swell of her breast, I latched onto the rosy nipple of one of those perfect round tits. I bit down, hearing her cry and whimper as her body finally surrendered to her orgasm. Lifting my head, I quickly brought my mouth to hers for another kiss and then pulled back, wanting to witness her fall. She came undone, and I watched her in part wonder and part awe: this woman who had given my life meaning, direction—this woman who deserved the world and made me want to become the man worthy and capable of delivering it to her.
She was everything to me: the future I’d always wanted but the one that had been too far out of reach, my second chance, my new beginning.
She was the life I was suddenly desperate to live.
“Cass,” I groaned, one final time, feeling her inner muscles clench and tighten, gripping my dick and pushing me over the edge. I burst apart, falling right after her, the intense pleasure that had built low in my stomach traveling to every limb, weakening what little bit of strength I had left. I sagged limply into her, my head resting in the crook of her neck as our breathing returned to normal. Her hands still ran up and down my back, and I needed her touch, needed the physical reminder that she was here, with me, and I wasn’t dreaming.
After a few minutes, I rolled off her and gathered her in my arms, tucking her right against my heart, right where she belonged. “Cass?”
“Yeah?”
“Do you think it’s possible some hearts are meant to beat together?”
I felt her smile against my chest. “Absolutely.”