Chapter Twenty
Rachel
I never knew agony like this existed. I never knew I was capable of feeling such torment. I’m still in my bedroom, unable to leave the safety these four walls provide me. Zack left me several hours ago after he attempted to explain things to me, after he tried to help me understand why he fell in love with her.
That’s what he told me. He said that he’s in love with her and can’t be without her. He said that he wants us to have this baby together but that he also needs to be with her. I could scarcely believe the words he was saying to me, struggling to imagine how someone like Zack could fall for someone as dreary as my sister.
I’ve always been the one people have admired, I’ve always been the one my mother chose to love and I took all of that for granted. Until now. Until the one man who I love in this world decided not to love me back.
I asked him the same questions that I demanded of her, needing to know why, insistent on hearing all the gory little details. Zack was far more forthright when it came to answering my questions. He actually seemed relieved that the truth has finally come out and happy that he no longer has to pretend. Of course I knew there was something wrong, I could feel it deep down inside of me and that’s what forced me to make the choice that I did to get pregnant.
I was telling Sam the truth when I said that I didn’t expect it to happen so soon. I had some perfect idea in my head of our first baby being conceived on our honeymoon and rushing home to give everyone the announcement. I foolishly thought it was the best way to bring us closer and keep us bonded… the truth is I couldn’t have been more wrong.
When Zack first turned up on my doorstep this morning, I was thrilled. I welcomed him inside with open arms, hoping that we would finally be able to sort some of our problems out. I couldn’t understand why he had been so distant, moody and evasive, wondering if it was our impending wedding that was giving him cold feet.
I had no idea the reality of it was that he had been screwing my sister.
He got straight to the point and asked me if there was something I wanted to tell him. I tried to hide my news from him but really struggled. My excitement and the euphoric elation that I felt could not be concealed from him and that’s when I told him I was pregnant.
His reaction was not what I had been hoping for. He glared at me for several seconds before reading me the riot act about contraception, wanting to know the reason why I allowed myself to become pregnant. That’s when I became indignant and defensive, reminding him that it takes two people to make a baby and that the responsibility should not only fall on my shoulders.
He eventually calmed down, revealing the true reason behind him coming to see me. I stood there in silence, shock and absolute disbelief made me freeze entirely. He confessed that he no longer loved me in the way that he should, he said he no longer saw a future for us and announced that we should put a stop to the wedding. I thought it was his idea of a sick joke at first, demanding that he stop playing around and be real for a second.
The expression on his face made me realise it was no joke. He meant everything he was saying and was certain that he didn’t want to be with me anymore. At this point I had no idea about him and my sister. I thought he was panicking about our upcoming nuptials and even convinced myself that a bit of time and space would help him to clear his head.
I was still devastated about the news and that’s why I phoned Samantha, eager to talk things through with my younger sister and cry on her shoulder.
Zack was a lot more truthful with me when Sam left us alone together. He confessed everything to me as soon as she had done and held nothing back. He gave me the answers I needed to hear from her.
He told me he had somehow managed to fall in love with her and that she’s the one he has to be with. He assured me that he would be a father to our baby and that I would always be special to him but he had to follow his heart when it came to how he felt about her. He said he was exhausted from hiding how he truly felt and didn’t want to lie to me anymore, explaining his peculiar behaviour as the underlying resentment he had been carrying when he knew he was unable to be with her.
I listened to it all and didn’t interrupt him, utterly astonished by the revelations he was making. I kept on trying to remember all the occasions they had been together and all the times I had witnessed them talking together, unable to remember a time when I caught them behaving suspiciously. Not once had they managed to arouse my suspicions, remaining blind and oblivious to the actions of the two people closest to me.
My hand slowly makes its way to my stomach, stroking the spot where I imagine my baby to be. Zack’s baby.
A miraculous idea enters my head, carrying with it a realisation of true hope. I pull myself up from the crumpled position I had remained in on the floor, reaching out for the window sill beside me so I can hoist myself up. I glance around my bedroom, taking in the upside down furniture I overturned in my fury.
It’s been several hours since Zack left, promising he would be in touch very soon about the baby. He reminded me that we still have a lot of things to discuss and assured me he wants to be there for every doctor’s appointment and check-up I’m going to have. I know he means it too, I know he won’t go back on his word and abandon his baby. Zack will make an excellent father and that’s one of the reasons I wanted to marry him in the first place. Alongside the certainty I have about this, my plan of action has sprung forth. The baby is my blessing, it will be what brings us back together and I am determined to use this to my own advantage.
I vow that Zack will be mine once more by the time I have this baby. I know he’ll be unable to stay away from either one of us by the time it’s born and this will be what ultimately tears him and Samantha apart. I remember how messed up she was during and after her termination all those years ago. I was the one who cradled her in my arms, wiped away her tears and promised her everything would be ok.
That bitch destroyed my world, she tore it apart and left me to pick up the pieces. She stole what was mine and now I’m going to take it back. Our baby will bring us back together, it has to. There’s no way she will be able to stay with him and know he is going to have a child with someone else.
I know Samantha and what she is capable of, thinking back to the times she forced us to leave a department store just because she spotted a pregnant woman in it. She will not be able to deal with my pregnancy and I am convinced that my baby with Zack will destroy them in the end.
She’s a liar. A scheming and duplicitous woman who envied what I had and took it for herself. She went on to try and deceive my mum, making up terrible stories about the man I thought to be my uncle and has now turned out to be my real father. I’ve hardly even had time to digest that information and know it’s going to take me a long time to process everything I found out today. I’ve always been the favourite, the beautiful sister and the one who own success. She’s used to living in my shadow, fading into the background and being the girl the rest of the world ignores. This used to make me feel sorry for her but now, all I desire is revenge.
And you know what they say… revenge is a dish best served cold.