Chapter Ten
The next day at work is excruciating. I seriously consider going home early seeing as my ability to concentrate is so poor. It’s not fair on Audrey and it’s certainly not fair on the children. However, I eventually manage to pull myself together and get a grip, enabling myself to focus on my work and carry on with the rest of the day.
As soon as the day is finished, I hastily clear up the rest of the classroom, grab my things and get out of there. I need to go home and get my head sorted before I leave to meet with Zack later on this evening.
I only managed to get about four hours sleep last night, battling my insomnia until three in the morning when my body finally gave into exhaustion. It was torture waking up when my alarm clock went off this morning and I seriously contemplated phoning in sick. Of course I knew that would make things worse, I’d have been stuck at home all day, tormenting myself with thoughts about tonight and what I have planned.
The worst part of my day came when I received a text from Rachel. She told me to enjoy my weekend and the hotel with Jason. My heart almost stopped when I read that text, remembering what I told her about being unavailable on Friday. I used Jason as an excuse and know how despicable that makes me. I can’t help wondering if Zack received a similar text. He did tell Rachel he was spending the night with some friends and I really hope my sister won’t put two and two together.
Who am I kidding? Rachel would never suspect either one of us of doing something like this. She loves us both and the idea of her fiancé or her sister sneaking around behind her back would break her heart. She’s a trusting person and deserves so much better than me for a sister. What we have planned to do is loathsome and beneath anyone’s contempt, especially Rachel’s.
I have several hours to wait until I can leave my apartment. My overnight bag is already prepared and waiting for me by the door. All I really have to do is take a bath before I leave. I run it nice and deep, adding lots of bubbles. I take care to shave every part of my body, moisturising my skin with the new body lotion I purchased. I straighten my hair but decide to leave it down. I don’t like wearing it up because it makes me feel vulnerable and exposed. I suppose I use my hair as a shield, it protects me from prying eyes and critical observations.
My outfit has already been chosen, a white slim line dress that reaches my knees. The silky soft material glides across my skin, graceful and elegant. It’s the first time I’ve put it on and I have to admit, it is beautiful. I can only imagine what Rachel would look like in a dress like this. A dress this gorgeous deserves to be worn by someone who deserves it and I certainly don’t.
I spend the final half an hour at home applying my makeup. Lip gloss, foundation, a hint of mascara and some bronzing pearls. I stare at my reflection in the full-length mirror, smoothing my hands across the front of my outfit. My breathing is erratic, my whole body trembling with fear and anticipation. I manage to send Jason a quick text once I’m dressed, he still thinks I’m spending the night with Rachel and as much as I don’t like deceiving him, I know I have to keep up with the pretence. He texts me back similar to Rachel, telling me to have a great time. He assures me we’ll hang out together when I get back and I agree. All that’s left to be done now is call a taxi.
I phone one up and take a seat on the sofa, wringing my hands together as I wait. My mobile lights up, alerting me to a new message. It’s from Zack, letting me know he’s at the hotel and asking me to send him a text as soon as I get there. I’m suddenly hit by a tremendous wave of anxiety, it reaches inside my chest and refuses to let go. The thought that he’s actually there… waiting for me. It’s unbelievable, astonishing and something I can hardly comprehend. It’s difficult to believe that someone like Zack, someone so magnificent, accomplished, striking and strong could want someone like me. Someone who is dull, fearful, timid and weak. I’m a complete contrast to my sister. She’s vivacious, sexy and stunning, everything a man could possibly want. Which leaves one remaining question… why me?
The journey to the hotel seems to go on forever. I’m in no mood for making small talk with the taxi driver and make sure I plug in my iPod to avoid the possibility of meaningless conversation. I can’t stop shivering, I can barely sit still and the butterflies in my stomach refuse to settle down, fluttering their tiny wings until the only sensation that’s left is terror. I must ask myself what I’m doing a thousand times, questioning my sanity and my morals over and over again. Before I know it we’ve pulled up outside. I completely missed the long driveway, consumed by own thoughts and fears. The floodlights aimed at the hotel make a breath-taking view, it stands so tall and majestic, monumental and stunning. I really can’t believe he chose this place, it’s beyond anything I could ever have imagined. The historical architecture, the picturesque scenery of the green surroundings make it even more impressive and imposing.
I pay the driver, handing him the money before I reach for my phone, sending Zack a text to let him know that I’m here. I make my way through the grand archway into reception, scanning the faces of the few guests by the reception desk. I remove my jacket and hang it over my arm. I want to look as though I’m a visitor who belongs rather than a visitor who doesn’t. I’m so awkward and uncomfortable on the inside, I want my appearance to reflect the complete opposite.
I nervously glance around, seeking an intense gaze and a smouldering pair of brown eyes. I actually sense his presence before I spot him. An undeniable, indescribable awareness creeps over me, alerting me to the fact that he’s standing right behind me, watching my every move. I whirl around and come face to face with those astonishing eyes of his. The magnetic force of them is overwhelming, pulling me in without my consent, drawing me towards a man I can never have, a man I will never be able to call my own.
“You came.” He says directly.
“I told you I would.” I reply softly.
“I’m glad. You look… beautiful.” He says huskily, taking one step closer towards me.
“Thank you.” I murmur, struggling to resist the unyielding temptation before me.
Everything about Zack is tempting, especially when he’s dressed like he is now. He’s wearing a black suit with a white shirt and light blue tie. The colour is a remarkable contrast to his dark eyes, making them even more piercing and hypnotic. I can scarcely bring myself to look away.
“I’ve already checked in, let’s take your bag up to the room.”
He picks up my overnight bag, offering his hand out for me to take. I grab hold of it without thinking, needing the stability and comfort that his touch will provide me. The two of us make our way past the desk and up a large flight of stairs, crossing down an empty hallway until we reach room number 16. Zack swipes his passkey in the door and opens it for me, allowing me to walk past him into the spacious room.
There’s a four poster bed in the centre of the room and a flat screen TV on the wall opposite. The carpet beneath our feet is plush and rich in texture and the bay window in front of us looks out onto an incredible view.
“Take a look in there.” Zack points towards the door on my right, advising me to take a look inside.
I step around him and do as he asks, peeking inside what I presume will be the bathroom. I gasp when I see the splendour before me, it has a large hot tub, a walk in shower and a huge mirror. The décor is black and white, a gorgeous choice which makes the space even more palatial and exquisite.
“Wow.” I inhale sharply, astonished by the resplendence of the place.
“I was hoping you would like it.” He says quietly, coming up behind me.
“Like it? I love it.” I admit softly, unable to tear my eyes away from the exquisite splendour before me.
It’s true. The thought he’s put behind all of this is enough to take my breath away. It’s beyond anything I could have imagined and I know this night will be one I’m going to cherish and remember for the rest of my life.
“I’m glad.” He pauses for a second, it’s as though he’s considering what he should say next. “You know… I meant what I said downstairs. You really do look beautiful.” He turns me around to face him, fixing those mesmerising eyes of his on me.
“So do you.”
“I look beautiful?” He smirks at me in amusement.
“I-I meant handsome.” I stammer, nervously pulling away from him.
“Sam, don’t do that. Don’t pull back from me. Not tonight.” He begs me, closing the distance between us.
“I don’t think I can do this.” I whisper, staring at pale reflection in the bathroom mirror.
“I’m not forcing going to force you into anything. If you really don’t want to do this, we don’t have to.”
“You mean that? It would be ok with you if I decide to leave and go home?”
“I’m really hoping you won’t. Even if we don’t… I still want you to stay the night with me.”
“Without sex?” I say incredulously.
“Of course I’m not going to deny the fact that I want us to have sex, you know how desperately I want you. The thought of us being together has consumed me for several weeks. However, if you feel like it’s the wrong thing to do… I’m going to respect that. I still want you to spend the night, Sam.”
I gaze up at him in astonishment. Is he for real? He still wants me to spend the night?
“I’ll stay.” I force a weak smile on my face, hoping it will be enough to convince him.
“Come here.
He pulls me towards him and into an embrace. One hand cradling my head as the other one wraps tightly around my waist, keeping me close. It’s so difficult trying to fight it, the indescribable force I feel between us. The one that wants me to give into temptation and bury my face against his chest, inhale deeply and never, ever let go.
He continues to hold me and I can’t even begin to describe what it feels like in his arms and what it feels like to be far away from everyone and everything we know. All of my defences comes crashing down, a lump forms at the back of my throat, a clear sign my unshed tears are about to fall.
“How come this feels so right?” He murmurs, placing a delicate kiss on the top of my head.
“I don’t know. All I do know is this is wrong.” I whimper, trying to break away from him.
“Listen, tonight this isn’t going to feel that way. No matter what happens, this night is ours. It’s our one and only opportunity to be together like this, alone and uninterrupted. I plan on savouring every single second I have with you.” He grabs hold of my wrist and tugs me back towards him.
“C-could we get out of here for a little while? Please.” I ask, clearing my throat as I remove myself from his grasp.
“Sure. Let’s go.”
I pull on my jacket and follow Zack as we leave the hotel room. I’ve no idea where we’re heading or where we’re going to go. I couldn’t eat a thing right now and its dark outside, there’s nowhere else besides a restaurant that we could go.
“Where are we going?” I ask, struggling to keep up with Zack’s long strides.
“I don’t know. There’s a bar downstairs if you want to sit in there or we can leave the hotel for a bite to eat? Whatever you want.”
“I don’t think I could eat anything.” I confess, placing a hand on my churning stomach.
“Me neither. We could take a walk or sit outside on the patio? They’ve got outdoor heaters and a spectacular landscape. Another gorgeous view.”
“Sounds good.”
We make our way through the lobby, down a large corridor to the back of the hotel. He opens the doors leading out onto the patio for me and even pulls out my chair for me to sit down. There are a few others outside which is only to be expected seeing as it’s such a warm night. We’re surrounded by couples, drinking wine by candlelight and laughing and joking together. I suppose we look tense and uneasy in comparison.
“Do you want something to drink?” Zack motions to a nearby waitress, flicking through the drinks menu on the table.
“Just a lemonade please.” I speak to the waitress, smiling briefly.
“You sure? You don’t want a glass of wine or champagne?” Zack offers, handing me the wine list.
I glance at the prices on the menu, they’re astronomical. Even if I wanted a drink, I would never expect him to pay these prices.
“A lemonade will be fine.”
“Ok then, I’ll take a scotch.” He smiles at the waitress, oblivious to the way she’s ogling him in his designer suit. “Thank you.”
“You’re welcome, Sir. The drinks won’t be a moment.” Her eyes sparkle as she turns on her heel, leaving us alone.
I can feel Zack’s eyes on me, watching me closely. His intense gaze forces me to blurt out the first thing that comes into my head.
“She likes you.”
“Excuse me?”
“She fancies you.” I repeat, rolling my eyes in the direction of the pretty girl.
“Who? The waitress?” He asks, clearly bewildered by my statement.
“Yes and you know she does.”
“Does that bother you?” He inquires, leaning forward in his chair.
“Why would it bother me?” I snap, angry with him for being able to read my mind so well.
“I don’t know, you just seem a little… jealous?” He smirks humorously, a satisfied glint in his eye.
“I’m definitely not.”
“I know I was” He replies sharply, locking those magnificent eyes on me.
“When?” I glance up at him in confusion.
“Every time you told Rachel you were spending the evening with Jason and then again when you met my brother.”
“Aaron? But I only spoke to him for a second.”
“That doesn’t matter, at least it didn’t matter to me. He was all over you, flirting and eye-fucking you every chance he got.” He says angrily, clenching the fist that rests on top of the table.
“And that made you jealous?” I ask incredulously, ridiculously flattered by the idea.
“Unbelievably jealous.” He replies solemnly as he continues to watch me intently.
“Wow.” I murmur softly in disbelief.
We’re suddenly interrupted by the arrival of the pretty waitress who served us, placing our orders down on the table before us.
“Here’s your drinks.” She says smoothly, angling her body to face Zack.
“Thanks, can you please put it on my tab.”
“Sure, that’s not a problem. If there’s anything else you need… please don’t be afraid to ask. My name’s Amanda.”
God, she’s blatantly flirting with him and she’s doing it right in front of me, angling her body to face him so she’s blocking me from his view. How does she know we’re not together? I could be his girlfriend for all she knows. The thought of this makes my blood boil and infuriates me beyond belief. I’ve never felt so insulted, ignored or overlooked in my entire life.
“No, that will be all. I really just want to spend a quiet evening with my girlfriend. In private.” He retorts dismissively, trying to see past her towards me.
My mouth actually falls open in shock. Girlfriend? Did he really just say that?
“Of course. I understand.” She sniffs contemptuously, walking away as fast as she can.
“Why did you say that? I’m not your girlfriend and you know it.” I say accusingly, glaring at Zack across the table.
“I didn’t want her coming onto me all night. She was practically offering herself on a plate to me and she could blatantly see that I’m sitting here with you. It was really rude and dismissive of her and I didn’t like it. At least she’ll now keep away and leave us alone in private.”
I anxiously lick my lips, taking a sip of lemonade from my glass.
“So how come you don’t drink?” He inquires casually, leaning back in his chair as he tastes his scotch.
“I just don’t. I don’t really like the taste and I’m not into the whole going out and getting drunk thing. It’s just not for me.” I say truthfully.
“Fair enough. I don’t drink much either, only when I’m nervous.”
“So you’re nervous now?” I ask, raising my eyebrows in surprise.
“I’m terrified.” He stares across at me, an unreadable expression on his face.
“That makes two of us.” I murmur softly.
“Let’s just try and make this easier, ok? I just want to get to know you a bit more and find out who you are. Your sister hasn’t told me much about you and your mum says even less.”
“I’m glad my mother hasn’t told you anything about me. It would only be bad.” I grumble, folding my arms across my chest.
“This is exactly what I don’t get. Why don’t the two of you get along like her and Rachel do?” He asks, swirling the whiskey around in his glass.
“Rachel’s always been the favourite, just like I’ve always been the black sheep of the family. That’s just the way it is.” I shrug my shoulders, trying to make out like it’s not a big deal.
I’ve always made out like my relationship with my mum doesn’t affect me, hoping that one day it really won’t. I guess that day hasn’t arrived yet.
“But why?” Zack persists, refusing to let it go.
“You’ll have to ask her that.” I respond curtly.
“I’m asking you.” He challenges, locking his penetrative stare on me.
“She simply doesn’t like me.”
“How could she not like her own daughter?”
“I was exceptionally close to my dad, maybe she was jealous of our relationship. Maybe it’s because I’m a disappointment to her, working part time in a nursery doesn’t even begin to compare to the West End actress that is her other daughter.”
“That’s really messed up if that’s the reason why she treats you so differently.” He says in annoyance.
“There are other reasons but I try not to think about it.”
“What other reasons?” He asks, resting his elbows on his knees as he leans towards me.
“Rachel hasn’t told you?”
I really thought my sister would have discussed my anxiety and all the issues I’ve been having with Zack. It’s not like I’d be angry with her if she did talk to him, I guess I’m just surprised she hasn’t said anything to him about it, I know how much she worries about me.
“Told me what?”
“Nothing. It doesn’t matter.” I wave my hand dismissively, eager to get us away from this conversation.
“Sam, you can’t do that to me. You were going to say something.”
“It’s just… I’ve had a few problems over the years. I don’t have Rachel’s grace and confidence, I deal with things differently and my mum hasn’t always agreed with the way I handle things. She doesn’t understand the person I am and she doesn’t get me, she never has done and she never will.”
“That’s got to be really tough and I don’t mean that in a patronising way.” He assures me, draining his glass of the remaining whiskey it had in it.
“What about your parents? I only met them the once but they seem really nice people.”
I cross my legs, struggling to ignore the way that Zack’s gaze lingers on them in appreciation. The fact that he finds me attractive is enough to make my body ignite with lust and desire.
“My mum and dad are great. We don’t always see eye to eye but they’re pretty awesome. They’ve never shown that they have a favourite between me and Aaron. The two of them treat us both the same, like equals.”
“That’s great, it’s not nice to feel like an outcast in your own family.” I confess, hating myself for the unresolved sadness I can feel lodged in the back of my throat.
“I just want you to know that I don’t agree with the way your mum treats you. I don’t think a person’s job or what they do for a living should reflect the way a person treats them and I don’t respect the constant negativity she puts on you. I’ve told Rachel I don’t want her organising the wedding because of it. Her role will be minimal and I hope she won’t be a problem for you being a part of the wedding or Rachel’s Maid of honour.” He observes me with caution, wondering what the consequence of his revelation will be.
“Wow, that’s really something. Thank you.”
“It’s not a big deal, think nothing of it.”
More silence follows, causing me to glance at the remaining guests on the patio. There’s only six still out here, including me and Zack.
“So the wedding’s just around the corner. In three months you’ll be marrying my sister and we’ll have to act like this night never happened.” I exclaim, surprised by my own outburst.
“So far nothing has happened between us.” He states in a matter of fact tone.
“You kissed me.”
“You mean last Friday in Rachel’s room?”
“Yes.”
“Before we were interrupted by my idiot brother?”
“Yes.”
“I do remember, Sam. It’s not like I could easily forget, I must have relived that moment a thousand times in my head since then.”
His sombre expression and solemn demeanour convinces me he’s telling the truth. I don’t think Zack would like about anything, he’s too straight up and honest.
“I relive it too. I think about it all the time and that fact alone terrifies me.” I profess, swallowing the lump of anxiety in my throat.
“I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry for all of this. Hurting you has never been my intention and I need you to know that.” He implores me to believe him, staring at me intently.
“It might not be your intention but it’s going to happen anyway.” I tell him, wringing my hands together in trepidation.
“Fuck, this is such a mess.” He groans, cradling his head in his hands.
“Do you want me to go?” I offer, absolutely dreading the reply he will give me.
“God, no. That’s the last thing I want. Why? Do you want to go?” He glares at me in accusation, clearly annoyed that I would bring up the idea of leaving.
“I don’t know. I don’t know anything anymore, I’m so confused.” I whimper, close to tears and on the verge of a complete breakdown of my mixed up emotions.
I’m so tired of being strong all the time. Sometimes I don’t want to fight. Sometimes I long to give in and surrender. I long for the things I can’t have and now I’m craving a man who can never be mine. Its agonising and I don’t know what I’m supposed to do about it. There’s no one I can turn to, no one who would understand. The only person who knows how I feel is Zack. He’s the only one I can talk to about this and I can’t even begin to describe how isolating the knowledge of that is. The one person I can talk to is a complete stranger.
“Let’s go back upstairs.”
Zack hurries me out of my seat, placing his large hand on the small of my back as we leave the outside patio. I keep my head down as we make our way through the lobby, up the large flight of stairs and down the corridor that leads to our room.
I head straight for the bathroom as soon as we’re inside and close the door behind me. Please don’t let me have a panic attack right now. Please, please, please no. Not right now, not in front of Zack. I take a seat on the edge of the hot tub, trying to regain some control over my erratic breathing.
“Sam, are you ok?”
Zack’s gentle voice comes from the other side of the door, pulling me out of my anxious state and back into the present. He knocks quietly, awaiting my response.
“I’ll be out in a minute.” I call out, sighing deeply.
The sound of his footsteps fade away, he’s respecting my wishes and for that I am grateful. I run my fingers through my hair and moisten my lips, standing up to gaze at my pale complexion in the bathroom mirror. I barely recognise the girl before me, her eyes look haunted and the misery behind them is unmistakeable. I’m surprised the whole world can’t see it.
I realise that I have two options here. I can tell Zack I’ve changed my mind about our arrangement and leave or I can tell him that I intend to stick to the plan and spend the night with him. Both options sound appealing but only one of them will change my life. Only one of them has the power to leave an imprint on my heart and a scar across my soul forever. It may not be the right choice, I might live to regret it and despise myself for the rest of my life.
I guess that’s a risk I’m willing to take.
I find him on the bed, sat on the very edge of it with his head in his hands. He doesn’t know he’s being watched and has yet to be aware of my presence. I realise that this is what makes all of this so excruciating for me. I know that he’s genuinely in pain, he’s really suffering and the last thing I want to do is to hurt him anymore. This should be the happiest time of his life, he’s engaged to be married, he’s back home with his parents and yet he’s still miserable. All because of me.
It’s my fault.
I have to make it better.
“Zack?”
His head jerks at the sound of my voice and he jumps up, hesitantly making his way over towards me.
“You’ve been crying.” He whispers, tilting my chin up so he can see me clearly.
“I’ve stopped now.” I reply softly, smiling weakly.
“I don’t want to be the one who makes you cry.” He says sombrely.
“You’re not the reason. It’s me. I despise the fact that I want someone I can never have.”
There’s a momentary silence between us, the only sound to be heard is the two of us breathing heavily.
“Samantha, you can have me.” He insists, staring deeply into my eyes.
“For one night.” I mumble unenthusiastically.
“Yes.” He sighs deeply, hanging his head in despair.
The tension in the room is palpable. Neither one us knows what to say, we don’t even know where to start. I glance up at him, taking in his weary expression and hopeless stance. I can hardly believe I’m really going to say this, I can’t believe it’s come to this. There’s no going back on this. Not now, not ever.
“If all I get is one night… I’ll take it.” I tell him.
Zack’s mouth falls open as he gapes at me in astonishment. I can actually hear his heartbeat, its thumping so loud.
“You mean… yes?” He says in absolute disbelief.
“Yes. I want you, Zack. I know it’s unforgivable but I do, I’ve never wanted anyone so badly in all my life” I lower my gaze towards the floor, scared to see any trace of rejection in his eyes.
“Look at me.” He demands firmly, forcing our gazes to collide.
His eyes turn stormy as a hypnotic flame ignites. It captivates my very being as does the pull I feel towards him. The irresistible, bewitching force that exists between us is staggering, I’m absolutely certain this night and this moment will be scorched into my memory for the rest of my days. No man will ever be able to make me feel like this again. Never.
Zack’s thumb slowly runs along the length of my bottom lip. He takes a step closer towards me, towering above my small frame. My palms are sweating, my heart is pounding and I can scarcely breathe. I need him to kiss me, he has to kiss me before I do something really embarrassing. I might actually beg if he doesn’t kiss me soon.
“Zack…”
“Ask me to kiss you and I will.” He whispers, lowering his lips towards mine.
“Kiss me. Please.” I beg him, licking my lips. I hope it will be enough to encourage him and finally put me out of my acute misery.
Zack groans loudly as his arms encircle my waist, dragging my body against his. There’s so much chemistry between us, it’s beyond anything I’ve ever known or imagined. Our lips collide with an impassioned violence, our desire for one another is explosive. His tongue immediately demands an entrance, probing between my lips as he seeks an entrance. I’m quick to submit to him, welcoming his tongue to venture inside me.
“I’ve wanted this for so long.” He growls, tangling his fingers in my hair as he tilts my neck back.
“Me too.” I reply, grabbing hold of his arms. It feels so good to familiarise myself with the muscles he’s been hiding underneath his suit.
He’s quick to catch onto what I’m wanting, hastily removing his jacket as well as his tie. Zack’s physique is even more amazing out of his suit, his forearms are toned and his biceps are large. He embodies everything that I desire, everything that I want.
“I need to get you out of this dress.” He whispers, turning me around so he can unfasten my zip at the back.
I close my eyes, practically trembling with fear. What if I don’t live up to his expectations? The last woman he will have seen naked is my sister and her body is flawless. I’ve seen her in a bikini on numerous occasions and she’s absolutely stunning. She’s tall, slim, toned and perfect. She’s everything I’m not and everything I will never be. I’m so close to changing my mind, so close to putting a stop to this before it goes any further. However, my desire for him is so powerful and so relentless, I don’t have the strength to stop this. I need him too much.
Zack slowly unzips my dress, removing it from my shoulders so I can step out of it. I was intelligent enough to buy some new underwear, a lilac set with some lace and delicate frills and all I can do now is hope that he likes it, pray that he likes me.
“Turn around.” He instructs me, his voice masculine and deep.
I do as he asks, turning round to face him. My eyes are still closed but I can feel his scorching gaze on me, gliding up and down my body.
“I know I’m not like her.” I tell him, slowly opening my eyes.
“I’m not thinking about her. The only girl I see is you and you’re beautiful.” He kisses my forehead, stroking along the length of my collarbone with his fingers.
I want him to be as naked as I am but lack the courage to undress him like he did to me. I’ve never been bold or confident, promiscuous or sexual. It’s just not me and pleasure is something I’ve always fought against, something I’ve denied myself for so long. It’s difficult for me to allow myself the rewards of it now.
“Undress me, Sam. I want you to do it.” He urges me, guiding my hands to the middle of his shirt.
It’s though he can read my mind, understanding my thoughts and fears more than I do myself.
“I-I’m a little nervous. I don’t want to mess this up.” I stammer.
“You won’t. We can do this together.”
He guides my hands to the front of his shirt, starting with the top button. The two of us begin to unfasten his shirt, slowly making our way down the small buttons. I’m doing it by myself by the time I reach the final one and I’m amazed by the fact I didn’t even realise until now.
I inhale sharply when his shirt falls to the floor. His body is an absolute work of art, chiselled, toned, defined and athletic. He’s irresistible and I’ve finally reached the point of exhaustion, I’m done with fighting it and denying what my body craves.
“Wow.” I exhale loudly.
“I’m going to take that reaction as a good one?” He asks, chuckling lightly.
He tilts my face up towards his, lowering his mouth to mine once again. This time, our kiss is far less rushed and not as hurried. Instead, we take our time. It’s slow and deliberate, making sure it’s something we can savour and cherish. My hands find their way to his waist as I trace my nails across his skin. Zack’s fingers find the back of my bra, expertly releasing the catch so the small scrap of material comes undone. He slides the straps down my arms, revealing my naked breasts for the first time.
The temperature in the room is cool, making my nipples erect and tender. I fight the urge I have to cover myself from Zack’s lustful stare, knowing my unease is not something he desires from me. Zack takes hold of my wrists, separating my arms from my body. He has a direct view of my naked chest and I can feel the fiery heat from his piercing gaze.
“You’re stunning.” He murmurs softly, stroking his thumb down the side of my face, along the length of my jaw and down my neck.
I gasp at the sensation he thumb brings me as he starts to trail circles around my right nipple. His left hand follows, mirroring the actions of his right. Soon he has a breast in each hand, squeezing them roughly before he releases his firm hold on me.
“Wrap your legs around me.” He urges, lifting me up as if I weigh no more than a feather.
He carries me over towards the bed, gently lowering me onto it before he follows. He separates my legs, placing himself between them as he supports the majority of his weight on his elbows. We continue to kiss one another, exploring each other’s mouths at leisure. The level of intimacy this creates is indescribable. It’s as though he’s making love to me with his mouth, stroking the side of my tongue with his own as it plunders inside me again and again.
The next thing to be removed is my panties. Zack’s fingers slip underneath the material, sliding them down my thighs and over my ankles, leaving me completely naked before him. I made sure I shaved everywhere, hoping my lack of hair would be something he would like. I know Rachel’s always gone for a Brazilian wax and even though I’ve never been brave enough to get one myself, I still wanted to be smooth and feminine for tonight. Hoping the razor did a good enough job, I glance up at Zack, anxiously awaiting his reaction.
“Perfect. Absolutely perfect. You’re so beautiful here.” He touches me there, his strong digit pressing firmly against my clitoris.
The electric current this sparks within me is exquisite, a loud moan escapes my lips, causing me to arch my body off the bed, craving more of his enticing touch.
“You’re so turned on already, dripping wet for me. I can’t wait to taste you.” He says reverently, breathing deeply.
“You want to…?”
I can’t even bring myself to say it. The thought of it fills me with embarrassment, I’ve yet to experience oral sex and the idea of receiving it from Zack is beyond anything I can comprehend. I know I should be flattered but I don’t know if I’ll be comfortable with such an intimate act. I’ve only had sex once in my entire life and that was with Paul when I was eighteen. The consequences of that night were enough to put me off sex for life and I’ve never been in a serious relationship since.
“I really, really want to.” Zack whispers, leaning forward to kiss me. “In fact, I want to taste you so badly… I’m going to have to do it right now.” He smirks at me seductively, positioning himself between my trembling thighs.
His strong hands grasp my upper legs, tugging them apart. I’m completely exposed to him and almost squirming with the intense and self-conscious vulnerability this makes me feel.
“Zack, this is my first time.” I blurt out, covering my face with my hands.
“What?” He pauses, taking hold of my wrists as he prises my hands away from covering my face. “You’re a virgin?”
“No, I mean it’s my first time receiving…”
I hope my silence is enough for him to understand what I’m trying to say because I have no intention of vocalising the fact that a guy has never pleasured me with his mouth before.
“No one’s tasted your pussy before?” He states so matter of fact “Fuck, that’s hot. I get to be the first.”
I close my eyes and rest my head back on the pillow, I can feel Zack’s warm breath against my sensitive skin, teasing me and my arousal until I reach the point of pleading with him. I have no idea what it’s going to be like, how it will feel or if I’ll even like it. All I know is I want his mouth on me, I want his tongue between my legs and I want him to use it to make me come. I need my climax, I crave it like I need air.
A blazing, electric current surges right through me the moment his tongue makes contact with me. I want to clench my legs together, I want to squirm away from his magnificent touch. The sensations are too much for me to handle, I’ve never experienced anything like this before and as sinful as this is to admit… I want more. I want him to make love to me with his mouth, pleasure me for hours and taste my arousal. I want everything this man. I want him.
“Does that feel good, baby?” He asks, tightening the grip he has on my thighs.
“Mmmm, yes. Please don’t stop.” I plead with him, widening my legs for him.
Just a minute ago I was nervous, self-conscious and unsure. Now I’m almost frantic, tormented by the idea that he might stop, that he might slow down and leave me uncomfortable and frustrated.
“I have no intention of stopping. You taste way too good, like paradise.” He assures me, instantly switching his attention back to my throbbing sex.
His mouth latch onto my clit, suckling and licking with so much enthusiasm. It’s as though he’s waited his whole life for this moment, determined not to let a single second go to waste. My volume increases as do my moans of pleasure. Even my excitement reaches new heights of splendour. How on earth am I supposed to go a day without this type of blissful indulgence? I know I’m going to think back on this moment for several years to come, nothing and no one will ever be able to succeed in erasing this memory. It is mine for eternity.
Zack’s digits separate my folds, revealing the softest part of me and making it more accessible to him. His mouth remains on my clit as he tongue continues to taste the intimacy of my stimulation. My fingers eventually find their way into his head, curling into a fist as I rub my core against his face. My climax is building and I realise that I have no control over it whatsoever. I feel like my entire body is about to explode, erupt into a million pieces and detonate before my very eyes.
“I want you to come like this, can you do that for me?” He moans ardently, burying his handsome face between my legs.
“I-I think so.” I respond breathlessly, my lungs desperately seeking more oxygen.
“Good. Just use me, baby. Fuck my tongue until you come. Come on me, Sam.” He orders, accelerating the speed of his mouth around my hot, pleasure-seeking wet pussy.
I do as he asks, grinding my hips and writhing about on the soft quilt. Neither one of us wants this to end, so desperate for this incredible sensation to continue. As much as I crave my release, I don’t want this transcendent, unparalleled ecstasy to end. Ever.
My orgasm is unstoppable, it pierces my soul and penetrates my heart, ruining me forever. I don’t know how loud my cries of pleasure were, I really don’t care if we were overheard. All that matters to me is the astonishing, unforgettable moment we just shared together.
“That was incredible.” I murmur incoherently, placing a hand against my heaving chest.
“It was better than that. It was divine.” He responds slowly crawling up the length of my naked body.
He places a chaste kiss against my lips and I can taste my sweet arousal on him. I’m actually amazed to discover that this turns me on even more.
“That good?” I joke playfully.
“You have no idea, do you? You have no idea how gorgeous you are when you come.”
I can feel my face turning red. I’ve never been any good at taking compliments, especially when it comes to anything sexual. To say that I have little experience when it comes to men is a huge understatement.
“Do you still want to have…?” I trail off, unable to complete my sentence.
“Are you kidding me? Now more than ever.” Zack chuckles softly, motioning towards the huge bulge straining against his trousers.
He’s still shirtless but has yet to remove anything else. My inquisitiveness is overwhelming, I’d give anything to observe every single part of him. I want to satisfy him and help him experience the joy and exuberance he just bestowed upon me.
“I can always help you with that.” I speak softly, trying to ignore the anxious butterflies in my stomach.
I don’t know where my boldness has come from. I’ve never spoken like this in my entire life and can only blame the remarkable release I’ve just experienced.
“I know you’re nervous. We really don’t have to do anything you’re not comfortable with.” He assures me, affectionately twirling a strand of my hair around his fingers.
“I am nervous but I want to.” I encourage him, needing to sound convincing.
He watches me closely, searching my face for any signs of doubt or uncertainty. I try to keep my expression blank and unreadable, the last thing I want is for him to change his mind and if he thinks I’m scared, I know he won’t hesitate to put a stop to the whole thing.
Zack finally nods his head, silently acknowledging my request. I breathe a huge sigh of relief, grateful that we will be able to be together in the most intimate way possible. I’m still the only one of us who is naked and can’t even begin to describe how desperate I am for Zack to be the same. He somehow manages to interpret my expression and read my unspoken thoughts, slowly undoing the belt around his waist. He’s kneeling right before me, intently observing my expression as he starts to take off his remaining clothes.
The sound of his belt coming free has to be one of the sexiest things I’ve ever heard in my life. The zipper on his trousers being undone is a close second. The expensive material glides down his muscular thighs. It strokes the skin so intimately, it makes me jealous. His black Calvin Klein boxers only accentuate his toned physique and the impressive concealment underneath them.
“Like what you see?” He taunts me mischievously, a playful smirk on his face.
“You know I do.”
“Prove it.” He challenges, watching me closely.
I only hesitate for a moment. Knowing that I only get to experience one night with him is enough to spur me on. I know I don’t want to regret anything, I refuse to look back on this night with regret or sadness. I want to cherish every single second I have with this magnificent man and that’s not going to happen if I stay reserved and unsure.
My hand reaches out, stroking the hardness of his arousal through the soft material of his boxers. Zack sucks in a lungful of air, clenching his fists as his jaw tightens. He’s clearly exerting a tremendous amount of restraint over himself and to know that I’m the cause of this is beyond flattering. It’s hard to believe that such a remarkable man desires me. Zack’s movie-star good looks, phenomenal body and elegant face captivated me from the start. I don’t think that’s ever going to change, regardless of who I end up with and whether he will become my brother-in-law. My attachment to him is something I will have to learn to exist with, whether I like it or not.
My hesitant fingers slip inside his underwear, grazing against the warm skin underneath it. Zack’s breathing turns erratic, laboured and shallow. I know I’m tormenting him but that’s exactly what he did to me… I have no intention of stopping now.
“Sam, please.” He begs me, eyes closed, his mouth slightly parted.
“What do you want? Tell me.” I murmur seductively, sitting up in bed.
“You. I want you. God, Samantha, just touch me. Please, I’m begging you.”
Unable to deny either one of us any longer, I reach inside his boxers, wrapping my fingers around him. I inhale sharply when I see his spectacular length for the first time. He’s huge and I really have no idea how he’s going to fit inside me.
“Sam, are you ok?”
Zack’s question pulls me out of my reverie, bringing me straight back to the present and the problematic situation I’m now in. Do I tell Zack the truth? Do I tell him that I haven’t had sex in five years? Even then it was only the once, it hardly makes me experienced when it comes to this and I don’t want to put him off. He might change his mind, he might think there’s something wrong with me and put a stop to the whole thing before we’ve even started.
“I’m fine, everything’s fine.” I respond quickly, forcing myself to smile.
“Erm… I know I’m… err…” He struggles to find the right words, turning red with embarrassment.
“Big?” I offer, grinning inanely.
“Yeah. You still want to though, right?” He gazes down at me, clearly worried.
“Of course.” I assure him, placing a soft kiss on the inside of his palm.
“Phew! Thank God. Your expression changed as soon as you saw me, you looked terrified and that terrified me.” He admits, raking his fingers through his hair.
“I’m sorry. I was a little shocked but I haven’t changed my mind.”
The next part is what I’ve been dreading. I’m not sure if Zack wants me to reciprocate the pleasure he just gave me and I have no idea where to start when it comes to performing oral sex. When I was eighteen and lost my virginity, Paul and I didn’t engage in any foreplay whatsoever. It was just sex and if I’m being really honest, I was left feeling very unsatisfied and unsure. I didn’t get what all the fuss had been about and I suppose the consequences of what happened has put me off sex ever since.
I needn’t have worried, what Zack says next takes me by complete surprise, leaving me astonished and incredibly relieved.
“You look so beautiful right now, you’re practically glowing. I know I’m never going to forget the way your lips look, mere inches away from being wrapped around me. I can feel your warm breath and the sight of your tongue peeking out to wet your lips is beyond tempting. Everything about you is exquisite and that’s why I really need to be inside you. We can save the rest for later. I need to be deep inside that gorgeous little pussy of yours before we do anything else. Is that ok with you?”
I stare up at him with wide eyes. Did he really just say all of that to me? If I’d heard it from anyone else I would think it was a line but hearing it from Zack… I know he means every word. He’s truthful and honest, direct and unassuming. He says what he feels and I can only hope that one day I’ll be as forthright and upfront about the way I feel.
“More than ok.” I answer him, allowing myself to be pushed back onto the bed.
Zack wriggles out of his final item of clothing, leaving him completely naked and gloriously perfect. His body could have been carved by angels, he’s that gorgeous. His olive skin is such a great contrast to my own, I thought we would look odd together but we don’t. His dark looks compliment how fair I am and his muscular, toned physique stand out even more against my petite body.
“I need to know if you’re on birth control. Do I need to use a condom?” He asks, supporting his weight above me on his elbows.
“I’m on the pill but I thought we would use condoms as well.” I tell him, wondering why he would suggest us being together without one.
I’m on the pill and have been since I got pregnant five years ago. I first started taking it to regulate my period and then I decided to stay on it just in case. I know it doesn’t make much sense to be on birth control if I’m not sexually active but I felt like it was the right thing to do. I could never run the risk of it happening again. I’ve always been terrified of a second unplanned pregnancy. I can’t go through that trauma again. Not ever.
“We can if it makes you feel better but I really don’t want to. I want to feel you and I don’t want anything between us.” Zack explains, gazing intently into my eyes.
“Ok.” I whisper.
“You’re sure?”
“I’m sure. We don’t have to use one.” I clarify confidently.
“I’m clean, I promise.” He assures me.
I actually got tested after I first slept with Paul, struggling to believe I could have been so stupid, having unprotected sex with someone I hardly knew is the most idiotic thing I’ve ever done and that’s why the first thing I did was book an appointment to get checked. I’m so thankful that I did because the idea of Zack being inside me, the knowledge that there will be nothing between us is far too tempting for me to ignore.
The next few minutes are spent kissing. I really don’t think I’ll ever grow tired of the way Zack’s tongue feels inside my mouth. Twirling with my own as they tangle together, participating in their own sweet dance. He slowly nibbles along my bottom lip, softly tugging it between his teeth as his hand fists itself in my hair. I moan loudly, arching my back so I can bring our naked bodies closer together. My breasts are crushed beneath his chest as my aroused nipples brush against his skin. I never thought I would be into something like this. Rough sex is something I never thought I would enjoy and yet here I am… desperate for this powerful and incredible man to take me. I don’t want him to hold back, I want him to be harsh and brutal, I want him to show me how much this is killing him. I want his urgency and his aggression, it’s the only way I will know he is right with me.
“You think you’re ready, baby? I need to be inside you.”
The perspiration on his forehead is enough to show me that his self-restraint has reached its absolute limit. He’s not yet had any sort of release and I can understand his desperation and all its discomfort.
“What do you think?” I ask, raising one eyebrow up at him. He should know how badly I need him by now.
I moan loudly as his fingers wander down my body, cupping my sex as he circles my clitoris with his thumb.
“I’d say you’re definitely ready. You’re soaking wet and I can’t wait for you to sit that beautiful little pussy of yours on my face, riding my tongue like you would my dick.”
His words are my undoing. My hands grab his shoulders, forcefully pulling his body against mine. The weight of him on top of me is amazing, I want him to crush me. I want to experience every single ounce of his strength. When the tip of him brushes against my entrance, provoking another sensual moan from my lips.
Zack was right, I am really turned on and it shouldn’t be a problem for him to slide into me. However, he doesn’t know how inexperienced I am and I can already feel the sharp, intrusive pain that every woman can identify with. My inner muscles want to block him out, my body wants to deny him entry because it knows the pain that will follow.
“Fuck, you’re really tight.” Zack mutters to himself, straining to control the overwhelming instinct he must have to thrust inside me.
The tendons in his arms are straining from the prolonged support they’re providing for his upper body. My own stature is rigid and uneasy, everything it shouldn’t be if I want this to go well.
“Sam, are you ok? You’re really tense and you’re unbelievably tight. I don’t want to hurt you.”
“I knew it would be like this.” I wail despairingly, closing my eyes as I try to even out my breathing.
I cannot have a panic attack. I cannot have a panic attack. I cannot let my anxiety win. Not tonight.
“Like what?” He asks, stroking a finger down the side of my face.
“It’s just that… I haven’t…”
“What?” He persists, now trailing his finger across my collarbone.
“I haven’t…”
God, I still can’t say it. What the hell is wrong with me? I guess it’s what you call Damaged Goods.
“Shit, are you a virgin?”
“No, no. I’m not. It’s just I haven’t had sex in a really long time.” I confess, reluctantly opening my eyes to look at him.
“How long?” He demands abruptly.
“Five years.”
“Five years?! Jesus… why didn’t you say anything?”
“I didn’t want to make it a big deal.”
“It is a big deal, Samantha. It’s a huge fucking deal. I don’t know how we’re going to do this without making you uncomfortable or causing you pain.”
He looks agonised, still maintaining his protective hold over my body. His arms are placed on either side of me, keeping me from harm and dominating me with his presence.
“Please, Zack. This is our only chance, we only have tonight.” I beg, trying to entice him.
“Shh… its ok. We’re doing this. I didn’t get you naked in my arms for nothing and I’m not going to walk away from this.” He pauses, gazing down at me with caution. It’s as though he’s fighting with himself, deciding whether or not to say it. “I have to know… why so long? Why haven’t you been with anyone for all these years?”
“I’ve only had sex once before and I really don’t want to talk about it. It wasn’t exactly a nice experience for me and I suppose it put me off. I was afraid to try again and I haven’t found myself in a relationship or anything.”
“You’re kidding?” He says disbelievingly.
“I don’t kid.”
“Wow. Why the hell would someone like you be single for all these years? If things were different between us, you’d be mine already.”
“Well, I’m not yours and I never will be.”
“You don’t have to remind me.” He replies gloomily, his jaw clenched and his eyes downcast.
The next few minutes are spent trying to prepare me and my body for what’s to come. Zack goes down on me again, prising my thighs apart so he can pleasure me with his tongue. Every time I’m close to reaching my climax, Zack will pull back. He evades my advances when I try curling my hand through his hair, wanting to rub myself against him. I’m so frantic, I’d do anything to come again.
“I think you’re ready now.” He whispers, crawling up the rest of my body.
He crushes his lips against mine, thrusting his tongue inside my mouth so I can taste myself on him. His own arousal causes me to flinch in pain as he slowly starts to penetrate me. Zack soothes me, gently brushing my hair back off my forehead as he kisses me. He’s being extremely careful, treating my body with reverence and respect. The two of us are so turned on, I’m desperate to feel Zack inside of me and just want the pain and discomfort to be over so we can both start to enjoy what follows.
“Sweetheart, this is going to hurt but it will only be for a second, ok?”
“What do you mean?” I ask, trying to get a look at his face.
Zack avoids my stare by burying his face in my neck and pushing deeply. An unexplainable, burning agony soars through me, piercing me in half. I scream loudly, digging my fingernails into Zack’s shoulders, needing him to know just how badly this is hurting me.
“Zack! Stop!”
“Shh, it’s ok. It’s over now. I’m inside you.”
I bite down on my lower lip, trying my hardest not to cry. I don’t want Zack to see me so vulnerable and so upset. I must already come across as strange to him.
If only he knew…
I banish the unwanted thought from my head, unwilling to go there. Not now and not tonight.
After a few moments my body starts to adjust to the unfamiliar intrusion. I experiment by wriggling my hips, rotating them underneath Zack’s incredible body. My movement causes him to groan as he tightens the hold he has on the back of my neck. His teeth graze my skin, biting down before he softens the skin with his tongue. He hesitantly begins to move on top of me, sliding his phenomenal length all the way out before he plunges deep inside. I’m still struggling to cope with the new invasion and Zack must sense this because his thumb quickly finds its way onto my clit. He starts to massage it by moving in small circles and the sensual movement is more than enough to make me forget all about the pain.
It isn’t long before we find a comfortable rhythm. The slight pressure on my clitoris really helps and I know another orgasm is on its way. I lift my legs, securing them around Zack’s waist as he continues to drive into me. I run my tongue along his neck, relishing the unique saltiness of his sweat and his own scent. I remember reading once that women can actually smell a man’s testosterone. I never understood what that meant until now. To know that all of his desire and intense arousal is for me is a remarkable feeling.
“I want to be really gentle. I wanted to take this nice and slow… but I don’t think I can.” Zack growls, staring down at me.
“Then don’t. One night, Zack. One night is all we have.”
He pauses, glowering at me with angry eyes. Maybe I didn’t need to remind him about our limited time together, it’s not as if he doesn’t know. We both realised before we agreed to this that it would be one time only.
I gasp when Zack harshly grabs hold of my hair, curling the blonde strands around his fingers as he forces my neck back. He slams into me again and again, mercilessly taking from my body and demanding that I submit to him and his desires. The atmosphere in the bedroom has changed, it’s angry, unapologetic, greedy and raw. What I said clearly upset him and I now feel like the intimate connection we shared just a few moments ago has dissolved and been replaced by something else. Something vengeful and almost hate fuelled.
“Look. Look at us, Samantha. Watch my dick slide into you. Watch whilst I fuck your cunt.”
My breathing stops. I can hardly believe this is Zack talking. His words are spiteful and dripping with cruelty. He’s punishing me for my reminder, the warning I gave him about our one and only night together.
I quickly realise that I have two choices. I can beg him to stop, run way from this and demand that he apologise to me for his brutal treatment. Or I can embrace the electrifying passion that exists between us, challenge him and his anger by showing him that I’m not afraid of it. I’m not afraid of him. Tonight is something I want sealed into my memory. It’s something I’m going to look back on and remember for the rest of my life. I deserve to make it count.
“Stop.” I order, placing my small hands on his chest.
He does so immediately, respecting my wishes and my right to say no.
Unlike some people…
“What’s wrong?” He asks, furrowing his brow.
I know he’s worried. He’s scared he’s taken it too far and I’m going to put a stop to the whole thing.
“I want to go on top.” I tell him, making sure I look confident.
“Fuck, that’s hot.” He whispers, flipping me over until I’m straddling him. “Ride me.”
I gape down at him, at a loss for words. I’ve never done this before and I’m starting to regret my idiotic suggestion. However, all of my doubts evaporate as soon as I feel Zack’s hands grab my ass, guiding me up and down on top of him. My need for pleasure takes over as I start to move my hips. It’s easier when I lower my upper body, resting my naked chest against his. That way he can help me to control my movements and stimulation.
Sitting on Zack’s dick is un-fucking-believable. I’ve never experienced anything so good in all my life. It’s beyond exquisite and I don’t know how I’m going to go a single day without this, let alone the rest of my life.
“That’s it, baby. Bounce on it, ride me. Take every single inch of me, it’s all yours.”
His words spur me on and before I know it, I’m riding him like a pro. I love the fact that he remains in control, he can still take charge and that’s exactly what I need.
“It feels amazing, you feel amazing.” I cry, increasing the speed of our rhythm.
“I know. I knew it would be like this, I knew we would be fantastic together. Keep going. Don’t you even think about stopping. Keep bouncing up and down, that’s it. Fuck, you look so sexy right now.”
He takes me by surprise, taking one of my nipples in his mouth. His left hand squeezes the other one, massaging it roughly as I continue to move on top of him. All of my discomfort has gone and the only sensation that’s left is undeniable bliss.
My second climax is nearing, I’m so close. It’s in reach and its unbelievably tantalising. I’m just about to tell him this when he grabs the back of my neck, directing my lips onto his. Our tongues tangle together in their own private dance, speaking a secret language that no one else could possibly understand. Our kiss deepens even more and I find myself struggling for breath. I try to pull away from him, seeking an intake of oxygen. He reluctantly lets me go and I inhale deeply, gulping down air before I return for another life-altering kiss.
“I want us to come together.” He informs me, gazing deeply into my eyes.
It’s as though he can see right into my soul, he can reach my spirit and that means he can also recognise my darkest secrets. He can read me like no one else and this is beyond unsettling for me. I can’t let anyone find out the hideous truth. I don’t want anyone to know how badly I am broken or how fragile I am from being ruined all those years ago.
“I’m so close.” I moan, sweat trickling down my spine.
“Come on my cock, baby. Take what you need. Let me feel those sweet juices trickle down my dick.”
His sinful, illicit choice of words has me writhing and grinding against him, throwing my head back as I allow my finger nails to claw at the skin on his chest. Zack’s release soon follows. His strong hands grab hold of my behind, using my ass to dominate and control the tempo of my movements. He then takes me by surprise, flipping me over onto my back. He lifts my legs, pushing my knees back until they press against my breasts. He drives into my pussy, taking hold of my jaw so he can possess my mouth with his tongue.
He punches the wooden headboard behind me, groaning loudly. His whole body goes rigid before he collapses on top of me, forgetting about the substantial weight he’s placing on my chest. The warmth of him flows inside me and the satisfaction this brings me is tremendous. I’m so glad we decided not to use a condom, the fact that a part of Zack is still inside me and will be for a long time is amazing.
“Zack, you’re kind of heavy.” I whimper, trying to wriggle out from under him.
“Sorry.”
He instantly lifts his upper body from mine, rolling onto his side so that he’s right beside me. I turn to him and wait for my breathing to go back to normal. My body is still slick and damp with sweat, slowly cooling down as I readjust to my normal temperature.
“I can hear your heartbeat.” I whisper, resting my hand on his chest.
“It feels like it might leap right out of my chest.” He chuckles softly, pulling my body in towards him.
“That was incredible.” I murmur softly, draping a leg across him as I inhale Zack’s deliciously masculine scent.
“It was far better than incredible. I can’t even begin to explain how phenomenal that was.” He tells me, stroking his hand up and down my thigh.
His caress makes me shiver and stirs something deep inside of me, arousing me once again.
“I should probably go.” I say reluctantly, attempting to disentangle myself from him.
“What? Why? You’re not going anywhere.” He firmly grasps my wrist, tugging me towards him.
“You really want me to spend the whole night?”
“Yes. You know I do. I don’t want you to go.”
“Zack…”
“Please. Stay.” He begs, staring at me intently.
“Ok.” I acquiesce, allowing him to guide me into the bathroom.
He stands directly behind me, circling his arms around my waist. We’re right in front of the hot tub and the inevitable image of the two of us inside it suddenly springs to mind.
“Is this your way of asking me to go in the hot tub with you?”
“Yeah. That wasn’t very smooth of me, was it?”
“Nope.” I tease him, stroking my fingers along the back of his hand.
“Do you regret it?” Zack asks me one hour later.
We’re underneath the covers in bed but neither one of us is touching the other. There’s so much space between us and I hate it. I know this is how it’s got to be from now on, we’re never going to spend a night like this ever again. From now on we’ll be strangers, we’ll pretend like this never happened and I’ll spend the rest of my life lying.
“I don’t know.” I answer truthfully.
“I don’t.” Zack turns to face me head on, propping his head up on his hand. “I don’t regret it and that’s what makes this so fucked up.”
“What’s done is done. We can’t erase or take back what just happened, all we can do now is try and move past it. You can concentrate on your wedding and starting your new life with my sister. That’s the way it’s supposed to be.”
Of course I try my best to ignore the excruciating pain I experience inside my chest when I say all of this to him. He can never know how much this is killing me. He can never know.
“How are you going to do it, Sam? How are you going to forget about this? Tell me. I need to know because I don’t know how the hell I’m going to get through this.”
The frantic despair in his eyes punctures my heart. I actually feel it shatter into a thousand pieces.
“One day at a time, that’s how you’ll cope. You don’t have a choice.” I reply calmly, knowing my voice sounds distant and cold.
Little does he know my sister is not the only one who can act…
“And you’re going to be ok? You’ll be able to watch me with her? You’ll be ok watching me kiss her, marry her and one day have a baby with her? You’re going to be fine with all of that?” He yells, angrily wrenching my whole body around to face him.
“Of course I won’t be fine with it but I don’t have any other choice! She’s my sister and I love her. You belong to Rachel, she’s your fiancé and you love her. We both agreed that this would only be a one-time thing, Zack. You said that it was something we needed to do to move past this and get over this… thing between us.”
“Thing? Is that all you think we are?” He snarls contemptuously, glowering at me in rage.
“What else would you call it?” I confront him, furious that he’s actually prepared to do this to me.
“I don’t know! I don’t know how to define us or how I can even begin to explain my feelings to you. I’m so confused, so mixed up and just… wrecked from this whole damn thing. All I know is how much I want you, how agonising it’s going to be for me to let you go after tonight. I don’t think I can do it.”
I’m about to respond to him but he cuts me off, pressing his irresistible mouth against mine. He forces my lips apart with his tongue, demanding an entry.
“Zack, no. We can’t.”
“Yes. Yes we can. You want this too, Samantha. I know you want me and you know I can make you feel good. I can make you feel so damn good. Let me prove it to you, baby. Please.”
He talks softly, murmuring those deliciously sensual words right into my ear, showering my neck and jaw with kisses. I try to deny him, I really do try. However, I’ve come to learn that there’s just something about this man, something I simply can’t resist. He has this hold over me and it’s unlike anything I’ve ever known. There’s no point in trying to fight it or deny it any longer, if now is all we have… then I need to embrace and grab hold of every single second.
Zack makes love to me again for a second time. It’s just as incredible as the first time we had sex but it’s also different. We take our time, we don’t rush and we make it last. Every moment counts, our time together is precious and deserves to be treated as such.
“Open your eyes. Keep your eyes open when I make you come.” He instructs me, lifting my legs high in the air.
He can penetrate me so deeply in this position, every single inch of him is inside me and the euphoric pleasure he makes me experience is indescribable.
“It feels so good. I want to come so bad, please make me come.” I beg him, circling my arms around his neck as I pull him down towards me for another breath-taking kiss.
“Don’t worry, I intend to.” He flashes a wicked grin at me, his smouldering brown eyes landing on my moving breasts underneath him. “Touch them, let me see you play with them.”
I gasp, surprisingly aroused and excited by his request. I quickly do as he asks, squeezing my moderately sized breasts as I watch his eyes light up with desire.
“Like this?” I ask him, wondering if I’m doing it right.
“Yeah, just like that. Gently circle your nipples with your fingers… that’s right. Now tweak them, roll them between your fingers and pull.”
His breathing is laboured and erratic, droplets of perspiration fall from his forehead onto my heaving breasts and I rub the moisture into my skin, delighting in the animated expression on Zack’s face.
“Sam....” He pants breathlessly, lifting my legs even higher in the air. “Can I, would it be ok if I…?”
“Yes, I want you to.” I reply hastily, moistening my lips in anticipation.
I know exactly what he wants and I have no intention of disappointing him. He thrusts himself inside of me several times before he pulls out, swiftly moving up my body. His hand grips his huge arousal, pumping it up and down in hard, fast strokes.
“Push them together.” He commands. “I’m going to come all over them. They’re so beautiful.”
I do as he asks without thought or question. It’s as though he’s got me under some sort of spell. I’m magnetically drawn towards him and his desires, no matter how dirty or erotic they might be. Never in my life did I think that I would be as brazen or as forward as this. I know I’m going to torture myself about this later. The guilt will consume me, it will tear me to shreds and it will be impossible for me to pick up the pieces but right now… I don’t care.
“Come for me. Come on me.” I moan loudly, arching my back and lifting my chest, desperate to feel the warmth of his release on my skin.
Zack groans loudly, resting one of his hands against the headboard behind me. His other hand continues to slide up and down his magnificent arousal, violently frantic when it comes to reaching his climax. When his warmth finally spills onto my breasts, it’s enough to set my whole body alight. There’s a blazing inferno inside of me, an explosion of blistering, fiery heat.
“Fuck!” He moans explicitly, watching himself unload onto my pale breasts and pink nipples.
I observe him in fascination. The raw, animalistic urgency on his face and the carnal lust in his eyes. Without thinking, I continue to massage my breasts, rubbing Zack’s rousing release into my skin. If anyone had asked me before tonight what I thought of such an act, I would have told them I found it repulsive. Now, nothing could be more sensual to me.
He rolls onto his side, pulling my body against his. I stroke my fingers through his dark hair, relishing in the intimacy of the moment and the closeness that comes with being together like this.
“I’ve never done anything like that before in my life.” I admit softly, pressing my lips against his ear.
“Good. I’m glad.” He retorts sharply.
I’m almost tempted to ask him if he’s ever done that with Rachel but quickly realise how intrusive and personal that is. I have no right to ask him those questions and I realise I really don’t know want to know the answer.
“I’ll be right back.” I whisper, climbing out of bed.
It’s two in the morning and want to get cleaned up before I curl in beside him. I’m pretty much exhausted after all of the hours we’ve spent in this hotel room pleasuring one another. The thing I crave the most right now is sleep.
I’ve just finished cleaning myself up and I’m in the middle of brushing my teeth when I hear Zack getting out of bed.
“Sam? Where are you? Where did you go?”
He stumbles into the bathroom with bleary eyes and messed up hair. He obviously fell asleep and woke up to find me gone.
“I’m just cleaning my teeth before bed.” I tell him, rinsing my mouth with some water.
“I thought you’d gone.” He walks up behind me, resting his chin on the top of my head.
He’s so much taller than me, he’s over six feet and I’m barely five foot three.
“I told you I would stay. I promise I won’t sneak out of here.”
“You swear?” He asks me doubtfully, turning me around to face him.
“I swear.” I assure him, giving him a weak smile.
“Good because there are so many things I plan on doing to you before you leave.”
“You’re not tired of me yet?” I joke.
“I could never get tired of you. Never.” He replies solemnly.
He illustrates his point by hoisting me up onto the bathroom counter, quickly sliding my silk nighty over my head. I’m just about to protest, I’m about to say that we really should go to bed and get some sleep… and then he touches me.
Kneeling down before me, he prises my legs apart. Plunging his tongue all the way inside me. I squirm and writhe about on the counter, desperately trying to evade and seek the pleasure he is giving me at the same time.
“I really want you to come in my mouth, baby. You taste incredible, like heaven to me.”
His words embolden me to let go, throwing my head back as I buck my hips, grinding my core against his mouth. His tongue is persistent, licking sucking and stroking my inner walls as his thumb plays with my clitoris.
“Feels… so fucking good. Don’t stop.” I plead with him, knowing my whole body will explode with frustration resentment if he stops what he’s doing for just a second.
“Use me, baby. Take what you need. Fuck my tongue with that sweet little pussy.”
The exquisite liberation I feel is extraordinary. Never in my whole life have I felt so free, so sexy or so turned on. Zack makes me feel beautiful, he makes me feel like my arousal is beautiful and no one in my life has ever made me feel that way. Before him, I viewed sex as being something I should be ashamed of, something that was wrong and dirty. I know who is to blame for making me feel that way. Who hurt me and damaged me beyond repair.
Harry.
No. No, I will not think about him right now. I can’t. Don’t let him in, Samantha. Don’t let him win.
I come right back to the present when Zack’s fingers separate my folds, opening me up even more to him. He softly blows against my hot skin, heightening the need I have to come again.
“Fuck. You’re absolutely perfect, Sam. You’re beautiful, this pussy is beautiful and it belongs to me.” When I don’t respond to him right away he looks up at me, frowning when I still don’t acknowledge what he said. “Tell me who your pussy belongs to, Sam.”
“Zack…”
“Say it.” He demands, tightening the grip he has on my thighs. It’s enough to leave me with fingerprints and the truth is I hope it does.
“It belongs to you.” I murmur self-consciously.
“Say it properly.” He growls, his mouth hovering right over my slick, burning centre.
“My… pussy belongs to you.”
“That’s right. It does. It belongs to me and the sooner you accept that the better it will be. No one else can make you feel like this. No one else could do this to you and they’re not going to. You’re sealed to me, you’re mine.”
We both know how ridiculous and nonsensical this sounds. How on earth can he call me his when he belongs to my sister? I don’t belong to him and he will never be mine, the two of us know this and yet we’re both willing participants in this wrong and twisted game of pretend.
He tastes me again, his tongue gliding right down the centre of myself. I tremble violently from his touch, craving more and more of this unexplainable bliss. I’m so close to the edge, the extremity of his caress is out of this world.
All of that changes in an instant.
Zack’s fingers make their way to my entrance, slowly probing their way inside me. His action causes my entire body to freeze with fear. I need to stop him, I need to tell him that he can’t do this to me but my mouth won’t move. I’m numb, immobilised and paralysed with terror.
“Baby, what’s wrong? Did I hurt you? Are you ok?”
His words somehow manage to penetrate through the panic and alarm that surrounds me as I’m yanked back into the present moment.
“I-I’m sorry.” I stammer, covering my face with my hands.
“Hey, it’s ok. Come here. Shh, it’s alright.” He jumps to his feet, cradling my quivering body in his arms.
The warmth from his embrace instantly soothes me. His voice calms me in a way I never knew was possible, easing all of my anxiety and horror.
“That was really stupid of me, I’m sorry.”
“Don’t apologise, its fine.” He places a gentle kiss on my forehead, stroking his fingers through my hair.
“You must think I’m such a freak.”
“I don’t. Don’t even say that. I’m just concerned, I need to know what caused you to react that way.”
“It’s not your fault. I just… don’t like that.”
“Ok.” He says softly, allowing me to gain some composure over myself. “Any reason why?”
He’s asking me why I don’t like to receive digital penetration. It’s a simple enough question and under normal circumstances, a relatively simple answer would be sufficient.
“I just don’t. Can we please drop this now?” I snap, lifting myself down from the bathroom counter as I shove him out the way.
“Sam, don’t walk away from me.” He says grabbing hold of my arm.
“Let me go. I said let me go!” I yell, using all of my strength to keep him away from me.
“Sweetheart, what’s wrong? Let me help you.” He begs, tugging me back into his arms.
“Look, I’m tired. Let’s just go to sleep, ok?”
“You sure? You don’t want to talk about anything?” He asks uncertainly.
“I’m sure. Come on.”
I’m still awake one hour later. I’m sure Zack fell asleep ages ago, I can hear the deep sound of his breathing and I find myself being envious of him. Why do I have to be the one who’s still awake? Of course I know the real reason why… what Zack did to make me freak out is the cause of my distress and insomnia.
Groaning loudly, I pad across the bedroom to my overnight bag. I already predicted that I wouldn’t be able to sleep and thankfully packed some light sleeping pills in with my belongings. I quietly pop a couple of pills out of the packet and make my way into the bathroom to get a glass of water. I try to avoid looking into the huge mirror right in front of me, not wanting to acknowledge my haunted reflection.
Switching the bathroom light off, I creep back over towards the bed. I’m just about to peel back the covers when I notice a flashing light over in the corner of the room.
My phone.
Curiosity gets the better of me as I scurry back over to my bag which rests on the table. Reaching for my phone, I try to conceal the glare from the screen so it won’t accidentally wake Zack. My eyes squint in the darkness, recognising my sister’s name next to the notification that I have a new message.
My mind instantly thinks of the worst scenario, that someone knows we’re here. Rachel has found out and knows exactly what we just did. Realistically, I know the idea is ludicrous, how could she know? It’s impossible.
Regardless of my fears and trepidation, I know I won’t rest until I read it. Opening the unread message, I prepare myself for the worst.
Rachel: Hi, Sis. Hope you and Jason are having a great night. Can’t wait for you to come back and tell me all about your great weekend. Feeling kind of lonely tonight with Zack not being here and my little sis. See you soon, Rachel xxx
I stare at my phone for several minutes, unable to think of anything but the excruciating pain inside my chest. Guilt. Guilt that’s ugly, black, cruel and relentless, gnawing away at my soul and my conscience. I know it will eat me up, consume me until there’s nothing left.
I reluctantly climb into bed, making sure to keep plenty of space between me and Zack. He sleeps soundly whilst I cry softly into my pillow, grieving for the sister I’ve just lost. Even if she never finds out about my betrayal, I will always know. I’m going to have to live with this for the rest of my life and the most tragic part of all this is I would do it again. I have fallen for my sister’s fiancé, a man who can never be mine. A man I’m going to have to associate with forever, someone who will always be in reach… eternally unobtainable.
I’ve destroyed everything. Everything is ruined and there’s nothing I can do about it. I’m broken, damaged goods and tarnished forever.
That’s just the way it is…