Chapter Eleven
I sneak out the next morning before Zack wakes up. I know I promised him I wouldn’t but I really don’t want to deal with the whole goodbye thing. It’s only going to cause more heartache and I don’t think I could take much more. I’m so close to the edge, I’m practically teetering on it. I could lose my balance any second, I could tumble and fall, plunging to my death.
I don’t know how I do it but I manage to escape the hotel room without stirring Zack. I do allow myself one last look at him before I leave, observing his indisputable perfection for one last time.
The door closes behind me, a near silent click announcing my exit. I phone a taxi as soon as I’m in reception, hoping it will arrive before my departure is noticed. Thankfully it does and I spend the journey hope in deep contemplation about everything that happened last night.
I did it. I really did it. I slept with Zack and my decision to do so is something I can never change. He’s going to move forward, put all of this behind him and marry my extraordinarily beautiful sister in August. I, on the other hand will probably spend the rest of my life yearning for a man I can never have. A man I will get to see from afar but never belong to.
I’ve only been in my apartment a few minutes when my phone starts to ring. I reluctantly wander over towards it, reaching inside my bag.
Zack.
He’s calling me and the last thing I want to do is to talk to him right now. Why is he even phoning me? We both decided that we would only be together for one night. That night is over and yet he’s now calling me, what the hell is he playing at?
“Hello?” I answer brusquely, hoping to keep the evidence of my tumultuous emotions from him.
“Where are you? Where did you go?” He demands angrily.
I can almost picture him pacing back and forth in frustration, gripping his phone in his hand as he tugs his fingers through his hair.
“I’m at home, where do you think I am?”
“How the fuck would I know? I just woke up and found you gone. Why wouldn’t you wake me? Why didn’t you say goodbye?”
“I couldn’t. I just thought it would be easier for me to leave early.”
“Easier for who?” He says contemptuously.
“For both of us.” I sigh wearily, rubbing my forehead.
“And you didn’t think I’d want to see you or say goodbye?”
“Not really. We were only supposed to be together for one night.” I mumble, reminding him about our arrangement.
“I do remember. I’m just pissed off you chose to sneak out so early. I didn’t even get a fucking note.”
“Zack, I can’t do this right now. Jason’s coming over any minute.” I lie, needing an excuse to get him off the phone.
“So you ran out on me to go to him? You’re not satisfied with the fucking I gave you last night, you now need someone else’s dick inside you?”
I hang up before he can say anything else, disgusted and appalled by what he just said to me. He tries to ring me back, calling over and over again. I ignore him and eventually switch my phone off, spending the rest of the day cooped up in my apartment, half watching a couple of movies on Netflix.
Jason comes over after five, eager to find out how my supposed weekend with Rachel went. Of course I have no choice but to lie to him, certain that I’ll go straight to hell for my deceit and despicable behaviour.
We’re halfway through ‘The Strangers’ on Netflix when my landline phone starts to ring. Jason’s the closest one to it and automatically answers for me.
“Hello?” He pauses for a second whilst the person on the other end speaks. “Hiya, Rach. You ok? Enjoy your night out last night?”
I stare at him in horror. He’s going to ruin everything, he’s inadvertently going to uncover my secret. Rachel thinks I spent last night with Jason and Jason thinks I spent the night with Rachel. How the fuck am I going to explain any of this?
I make a grab for the phone, taking the cordless into the kitchen with me so I can speak to my sister in private.
“Hi, Rachel. Sorry about my nosy friend answering my phone.”
“No worries, it was good to speak to him, I haven’t seen him in ages and that’s one of the reasons why I called.”
“Oh?” I ask warily, dreading what she’s about to say.
“Yeah, Zack and I were just talking and he came up with the great suggestion that we go out on a double date with you and Jason. Well, he didn’t exactly call it a double date but he did suggest the four of us going out tonight. I know you and Jason already did something yesterday but you don’t mind joining us, do you?”
“Erm…” I nervously glance through into the living room at Jason. He’s still on the sofa, blissfully unaware of the disastrous dilemma I have to face.
“Please say yes. I haven’t seen you all week. It will only be for a couple of hours.”
“What’s she suggesting?” Jason asks, startling me by coming into the kitchen.
“That we go out! The four of us! Rachel yells, raising her voice so Jason can hear.
“Tell her yes.”
“Jason, I really don’t want to go out tonight.” I whisper, covering the phone so Rachel won’t overhear.
“Stop being such a bore. We can go out with your sister for a couple of hours.” He says it so casual, shrugging his shoulders as though it’s no big deal.
“Exactly!” Rachel chimes in, adding to the troublesome three-way conversation that we’re now having.
“Great, sorted and arranged!” Jason yells back, confirming the fact that my worst nightmare has now come true.
Jason heads home to get changed as soon as I end the call and I’m left alone in my apartment, slowly going out of my mind with anxiety and worry. It takes me an hour but I eventually come up with the idea to be honest. Not completely honest but somewhat truthful.
I quickly jump in the shower and get dressed. Choosing a short black skirt and a turquoise top, I then find a pair of black heels to go with it. I don’t know where we’re going but knowing Rachel, it’s bound to be somewhere nice.
“You look amazing.” Jason tells me as soon as he gets back, his eyes wandering up and down my body.
“Thanks.” I mumble self-consciously, putting on my jacket.
I’m not sure I appreciate the way my oldest friend is suddenly looking at me. It’s as though he finds me attractive and the knowledge of this is oddly disconcerting.
“Are we meeting them there or are they coming here?” Jason asks, helping me untuck my hair from the collar of my jacket.
“Meeting them there.” I reply curtly, fearing the next few hours more than I’ve feared anything in my life.
Rachel texted me as soon as Jason left to go and get changed, letting me know where to meet her and Zack. All that’s left to do is phone a taxi to take us to the restaurant. Jason does have his own car but I know he’ll want a drink tonight and it’s just easier for us to get a cab there and back.
It’s when we’re in the taxi that I decide to confess part of the truth about last night to Jason.
“Listen, I can’t have you mentioning anything about last night to Rachel, ok?”
“What do you mean? Why?” He asks, turning to me in confusion.
“Because I didn’t spend the evening with her, I just told you I did. I actually had a date. I guess you could say that I spent the night with someone.”
“Are you serious?” His mouth hangs open in astonishment, clearly astonished by my revelation. “You had sex? Who with?” He snaps, already starting with the interrogation.
“Can you please keep your voice down? I don’t want the whole world and our taxi driver to know my private business.”
“Sorry. It’s just that I can’t even believe what you’re telling me right now. I’ve never known you to do anything like this before. You’re not the type of girl who has one night stands. You’re better than that.”
“It wasn’t a one night stand. I mean… I wish it could be more but it really can’t.”
“Who is he?” He demands, narrowing his dark eyes at me.
“You don’t know him.” I reply quietly, gazing out of the window.
“But how do you know him?” He persists, gently touching my chin as he turns me to face him.
“Through work. He’s Audrey’s nephew.” I lie, unable to think of anyone else.
“Audrey? You mean your boss?”
“Yes.”
“So why did you lie to me? Why didn’t you tell me the truth?”
“I didn’t want you to judge me and nothing is going to come from it. That’s why I lied to you and said I was spending the night with Rachel.”
“And you lied to her as well?”
“Yes. I know it was really wrong of me but please don’t say anything to my sister. If she asks you anything just say that you and I hung out last night. She thinks we stayed at a hotel.” I confess, wringing my fingers together.
“A hotel? Is that where you went with him?”
“Yes.”
“Which hotel?”
“What does that matter?”
“I’m just curious.” He replies coolly.
“We only stayed somewhere because he has a girlfriend. He’s in a relationship and that’s why nothing will ever come from it.”
“Fuck, Samantha. Why would you get involved with someone like that? Someone who will use you and then discard you afterwards.”
“I really don’t want to talk about this, Jason. We’re nearly at the restaurant and I don’t want there to be an awkward atmosphere between us.” I say decidedly.
“Fine I’ll drop this for now but I still have more questions.”
“We’ll talk about it later.” I speak firmly, needing him to know that this topic is strictly off limits as from now.
“We definitely will.”
I make my way into the restaurant on shaky legs. I don’t know if Zack and Rachel are here already and that’s why I’m so nervous walking through the door. I have no idea what Zack is playing at, suggesting a night out with me and Jason. Is this all part of some twisted game of his? Is he laughing his head off at my expense? Is he simply jealous of the fact that he knew I was hanging out with Jason and wanted to interrupt our plans? What the hell is his game?
I spot Rachel as soon as we walk in. She’s in one of the booths with Zack sitting right beside her. He glowers at me as soon as he notices me walk in with Jason, narrowing his eyes in what I can only describe as absolute fury and envy.
“Hi, guys! Hurry up and take a seat. Sam, you look absolutely gorgeous!” My sister compliments me warmly, standing up to greet me with a hug.
“Thanks, you look beautiful.” I reply truthfully, taking in her strapless white dress. It clings to her elegant curves, accentuating her toned waist, tiny hips and golden tan.
“Jason, it’s been so long. How have you been?” Rachel leans over the table to give him a brief hug whilst Zack continues to shoot daggers at me.
One of his fists is concealed underneath the table but the other one is resting on the surface, clenched so tightly his knuckles have turned white.
“I’ve been good. You look gorgeous, as per usual.” He places a friendly kiss on Rachel’s cheek, resting a hand on her lower back.
I wait for Zack’s gaze to land on them, almost expecting him to jump up onto his feet so he can put some distance between them. I’ve figured out how territorial Zack must be and don’t know how he’ll react to another man complimenting his fiancé, borderline flirting with her. Instead, he continues to watch me, refusing to remove his angry stare from my crimson and embarrassed face.
“This is my fiancé, Zack. Zack this is Sam’s best friend, Jason.” Rachel beams at Zack, her eyes sparkling with happiness and adoration.
Zack remains seated, rudely choosing not to acknowledge Jason’s presence.
“What’s up? It’s great to meet you.” Jason offers his hand out for him to shake and I wait with bated breath, wondering what explanation Zack will give for ignoring him. The seconds tick by until he sighs wearily, returning Jason’s handshake with a great deal of reluctance.
The four of us sit down, Rachel and I are seated opposite one another as are Jason and Zack. The tension is palpable and I can only hope that my sister remains oblivious and so does Jason. If either one of them knew what happened between me and Zack last night… they would both despise me and I can’t say that I’d blame them.
“So, did you two have a good night last night?” Rachel asks, taking a sip of wine from her glass.
I swallow nervously, briefly glancing across the table at Zack. He has a cruel, self-satisfied smirk on his face and it’s directed entirely on me. He knows how uncomfortable this is for me, he planned this and he’s punishing me for running out on him this morning. This is his revenge.
“We did.” I respond simply, picking up a menu as I pretend to peruse the specials.
“Where did you two go?” Zack asks, leaning forward as he rests his elbows on the table.
Jason becomes tense beside me. I know he’ll hate the fact that he’s somewhat lying to my sister, I wish I could have kept him out of all of this and know I’m going to have to answer his questions later on.
“We were going to get a cheap hotel but ended up changing out mind. We just hung out at home.” I shoot a sharp look at Zack, demanding with my eyes for him to drop it.
“I wish you two had invited me over. I spend the night discussing weddings dresses with mum and Aunty Carol.”
She rolls her eyes, causing me to smile. I can’t think of anything worse than staying home with mum and her cruel sister. I then realise that Rachel wouldn’t have had to if I wasn’t sneaking around and sleeping with her fiancé.
“Poor you.” Jason jokes, sympathising with my sister over our messed up family.
“Are you read to order?” A friendly faced waitress asks, taking all of us by surprise.
We make our orders and wait for our food. Jason and Rachel continue to make small talk with one another whilst I try to avoid Zack’s spiteful glare across the table. My phone’s vibration inside my bag distracts me from the awkward atmosphere and I reach for it, eager to divert my attention in any way that I can. However, one glance at my phone’s screen thwarts all hope of that. It’s a message from Zack.
Zack: I need to be inside you again. I can’t stop thinking about that beautiful body of yours underneath that gorgeous dress. I can’t get the image I have of fucking you on this table out of my head.
My eyes widen and my stomach churns as I read the text message Zack covertly sent to me. I didn’t even notice him on his phone but now that I secretly observe him, I can see his hands are beneath the table in his lap. I moisten my lips and shove my phone back in my bag. I want no part of this whatsoever and refuse to play along with his twisted little mind games.
“I’m just going to the toilet, back in a minute.” I smile at Rachel and make a dash for the ladies.
I knew that if I hesitated she would suggest coming with me and I really need to be alone right now. I need to get away from Zack and his fucked up idea of fun. I don’t even use the toilet, I just stand in the cubicle for several minutes, trying to regain some control over my breathing and anxiety.
Why is this happening? Why is this happening to me? What did I do to deserve this? I ask myself, struggling internally with everything that’s happened to me in the last twenty-four hours.
You know what you did.
I shake my head, demanding the intrusive thoughts to leave my head. I need to forgive myself for what happened, I need to forgive myself for what I did all those years ago. I have to find a way of moving past the termination, a decision I made five years ago during the darkest period of my life.
And what about last night? You slept with your sister’s fiancé and you want to sleep with him again. My subconscious whispers, taunting me with its cruel voice. I have to ask myself if it’s speaking the truth. Do I really want to spend the night with him again?
I spend a couple more minutes alone, I try my best to get a hold of myself and my tumultuous emotions. I have to pretend. I have to get through this damn meal if it kills me and I refuse to let that bastard out there get to me. I won’t let him win.
I’m walking down the corridor which leads back into the restaurant when someone grabs me around the waist, tugging me backwards against a hard and solid chest. I know exactly who it is, my senses are on red alert and I would recognise his cologne anywhere. He swiftly opens a door and pulls me through it, pressing me up against the wall before he turns the lock, barricading me in the confined space. It only takes me a moment for me to realise that we’re standing in the disabled toilet.
“What the hell do you think you’re doing?” I shout angrily, trying to push him away.
“I need to talk to you.” He responds calmly, as though he’s trying to reason with an irrational child.
“About?”
“Us. What happened last night and the reason you ran out on me this morning.”
He closes the gap between us, caging me against the wall as he crushes his chest against mine. Being in such close proximity to him stirs something deep down inside of me. My body is on fire, I’m incredibly aroused and I want him so badly. I want to taste him, kiss him, grind against him and feel his release inside of me all over again.
“I already told you why I left.” I murmur softly, battling against the desire I have to look him in the eye.
“What I remember is you hung up on me.” He replies solemnly.
“I had no choice!” I exclaim, raising my voice in frustration.
“Yes you did. You had a choice last night and you have a choice now.” He persists, lowering his mouth towards mine.
“So I have the freedom to choose?” I challenge him, pressing my body against the wall behind me, willing to do anything to evade his touch.
“Yes.” He whispers huskily.
“You really think you gave me a choice about this? You’re the one who insisted that Rachel call me and invite me out tonight with Jason. You knew how that would make me feel, how uncomfortable and excruciating this would be for me. You knew all of this and did it anyway, you sent me that text at the table and got a kick out of watching my reaction to it.”
“You’re right. I did all of those things and I’d do it again. I had to see you, even if that meant watching you squirm. You told me you were going to be hanging out with Jason tonight and I couldn’t help myself. I had to see you again and I knew I would do anything to make that happen, even if it meant that I had to be a little devious.”
“And what about my sister? You think its ok to use her and involve her in your sick little game? How could you send me that text whilst you were sitting right next to her?”
“Because I desperately wanted to get a reaction out of you. You were just sitting there, ignoring me and refusing to look in my direction. It was killing me and that’s why I did it. I’m sorry.”
“You’re sorry?” I say incredulously.
“Yes! I shouldn’t have done it but my prediction was right, it did stir up something inside you. I watched you get turned on by what I sent you and as much as you hate to admit it… you want me just as much as I want you. I need a repeat performance of last night, I need to be inside you again. One night with you will never be enough.” He grabs a handful of my hair, bringing my mouth up towards his. His lips make contact with my own as his tongue slides along the seam of my mouth, demanding that I let him in.
I do as he asks, moaning with pleasure when our tongues reacquaint themselves with one another. My fists curl themselves in the material of his shirt, half tugging him against me and half pushing him away. This is so wrong. It’s sick. It’s so, so wrong and that’s why I don’t understand how it can feel so right.
“I’d give anything to feel you inside me again. I really would.” I whisper breathlessly, gasping for more oxygen as I break away from his commanding kiss.
“You can, baby. I’m yours. You can take anything you want from me.” He responds ardently, increasing the pressure and the force of his mouth.
We’re breathing in each other’s air, it’s surprisingly erotic and intensifies the heated passion between us.
“No, no I can’t. You’re not mine and you never will be. We knew that we only have one night to be together, to get it out of our system and move past it.”
“I know! I know everything that I said and now I’m taking it back. Maybe I’ll go to hell for it but I need to fuck you again.” He groans loudly, thrusting his arousal against me.
It’s incredible to know that I’m the one who has done that to him, that all of his desire is because of me. The rush this gives me is intoxicating. Even his crude and offensive words surprisingly flood me with heat. It’s almost unbearable, the unyielding, physical yearning I have for this man is out of control and I’m absolutely terrified that I will do anything in my power to make it go away.
“We have to get back before they get suspicious.” I insist, pressing the palms of my hands against his chest, inhaling sharply when he refuses to budge. “Please.” I beg him.
“I’ll let you out of here if you promise I can see you later on tonight.” He fires back, fixing his scorching gaze upon my face.
“How is that even possible?” I ask him, seriously considering the glorious possibility of being alone with Zack again.
“Don’t worry about that. I’ll make sure I can get away, just promise me you’ll let me see you.”
“You can’t.” I whimper “What about Jason?”
“What about him?” Zack snarls hatefully, grabbing me by the shoulders.
“He lives in the same building, he might see you. He also wants to talk to me about what I told him in the taxi over here.”
“And what did you tell him?” Zack demands, nuzzling his face against my neck as he inhales deeply.
I know he’s trying to distract me, he wants to get me drunk off this feeling. He wants to captivate me like he did last night, he knows I’m far too easy to bewitch.
“I told him that I had a one night stand last night. I said it was with someone who has a girlfriend and someone I can’t be with.”
“What the fuck, Samantha?! Why would you do that?” He breaks away from me, shaking me in frustration.
“I had no choice! I already lied to him about hanging out with Rachel last night. I had to tell him that never happened in case he said something to her about it tonight. I couldn’t think of any other reason why I would lie to him about being with my sister and decided to be somewhat truthful with him. He knows that I’m keeping something from him and he made me promise that we would talk about it later on.”
“I don’t see what any of this has to do with him. Why can’t he keep his damn nose out of it?”
“It’s my fault. I’m the one who dragged him into this. I also told Rachel I was with him last night. God, this is so screwed up! I can’t deal with this, all of the lies and the sneaking around. It feels dirty, I feel dirty and I hate that feeling!” I wail, tugging on my hair in vexation.
“And what about last night? When you were with me, when I had my tongue on your pussy and my dick inside you, did you feel dirty?” He asks, trailing his finger against the exposed skin on my chest.
“No.” I confess, unable to lie to him.
Everything about last night was sensational. Yes, I feel guilty but I never felt dirty or impure when I was with Zack. If anything, it felt right. I felt like we belonged to one another and the rest of the world didn’t matter.
“That’s all I need to know.” He exhales loudly and swallows, closing his eyes for several seconds. “I’m coming over later. You can tell Jason whatever the hell you want, his feelings don’t concern me.”
I gape at him in astonishment, grappling with the idea of being with him again. My body burns for his exquisite touch but my head still screams at me to run away from him.
“You expect me to just come back to the table and pretend like nothing is wrong?” I ask in disbelief.
“We don’t have a choice, we have to go along with this ridiculous charade. Just tell them that there was a long queue for the bathroom. I already told them I had to take a call from work. I’ll be over later.” He turns to leave, finally unlocking the door before he opens it.
“Zack…” I whisper helplessly, not wanting him to leave me on my own. Terrified that the overwhelming anxiety will return as soon as he walks out the door.
“One more thing, make sure you keep some distance between you and that fucker you’re sitting next to. This isn’t some lame ass double date, don’t make it resemble one. I’m the one who’s going to be inside you later, not him.” He gloats, throwing me a smug look before he leaves.
I gape at him in astonishment, unable to move and unable to process anything apart from the final thing he just said to me. What the hell am I doing? Am I really going to embark on an affair with my sister’s fiancé? Am I really going to risk everything for the sake of a man who is entirely willing to cheat on the woman he loves? I can’t help wonder what type of man that makes him. What type of person does that make me?
I wait a couple more minutes before I take a deep breath and make my way back to the table. Zack is with them and I decide to use the excuse about there being a long wait for the toilet. The rest of the meal is extremely uncomfortable, I try my best to get involved in the conversation and participate but my mind refuses to cooperate and continues to transport me some place else. I can barely eat my food and struggle to even sit still with the penetrating gaze of Zack on me the entire time. I start to worry that Jason and Rachel will notice the tension between us and suspect that something is seriously wrong. However, they both seem oblivious and spend a lot of time catching up with one another. It’s been so long since they saw one another and they always got along so well, I can’t say I blame them.
“Rachel, I think we should be getting back. It’s getting late.” Zack abruptly interrupts the conversation, opening his wallet as he places a wad of cash down on the table.
The three of us glance over at him in surprise. His startling announcement came out of nowhere and the fact that he’s willing to pay for everything so we can leave already makes it even more apparent that something is amiss.
“You want to leave? Is everything ok?” Rachel asks, her voice full of concern.
“I’m good, just tired and I’m sure Sam and Jason are ready to call it a night.”
“I don’t mind staying out a bit longer.” Jason adds, resting his arm against the back of the booth where I’m sitting.
I watch Zack’s eyes follow Jason’s action, narrowing in annoyance when he sees the casual affection between us.
“But we were having such a great time! I don’t want to go home yet.” Rachel pouts, clearly a little tipsy from all the wine she’s been drinking.
“I’m actually pretty tired. I’m ready to go.” I say, reaching for my bag.
“If you two are ok to hang out a bit longer, I can always drop Samantha home.” Zack gives me a pointed look, begging me with his eyes to go along with his suggestion. “Is that ok with you?” He asks, directing his question at me.
“What’s the point in that?” Jason fires back at him, narrowing his eyes at him in scrutiny.
“Samantha just said herself that she’s tired and I’m ready to go myself. I can always come back for Rachel.”
“Are you sure?” My sister asks doubtfully, glancing back and forth between us.
“Ok. Let’s go, Sam.” Zack jumps to his feet, placing a kiss on Rachel’s forehead before waiting for me to stand.
I can’t help the stab of jealousy I feel when I see him kiss her. It was a purely platonic kiss but it still hurt. It makes me wonder how on earth I’m going to find the strength to watch them get married, watch them have their children and build a life together.
“Sam, are you sure you’re ok with this?” Jason grabs my wrist, clearly confused by the sudden turn of events. “I don’t mind leaving if you want me to come with you.”
I realise how strange this must appear to him. I know he’ll ask me about it later and I realise I’ll have to come up with something, I need a reason for Zack and I to be alone together. I lean forward and pull my friend into a hug, deciding that another fib is necessary. I have to make sure my leaving with Zack doesn’t make Jason suspicious.
“Zack’s arranging a surprise for Rachel and wants my help with it. We discussed this earlier but he really needs to speak alone.”
Jason visibly relaxes as soon as I pull away from him. I grab my bag and say goodbye to Rachel. I know she would be questioning this more if she were completely sober and tomorrow she will probably wonder why her fiancé and sister left without her.
I turn to Zack and give him a brief smile. The expression on his face is solemn, refusing to acknowledge my gesture. He opens the door to the restaurant for me and waits for me to walk in front of him when we get outside.
“I brought my car. It’s parked just down the road.” He says gruffly, shoving both of his hands in his pockets.
He walks ahead of me once we make it outside and I struggle to keep up with his powerful stride in my heels. I don’t know what I’m supposed to expect right now and can’t help wondering if I should try and engage him in some sort of conversation. Should I wait for him to say something or should I just blurt out the first thing that comes into my head? I have to admit that Zack is spectacularly clever for pulling this off. He told me how determined he was to speak to me and he made damn well sure it would happen.
‘Am I wrong’ by Nico & Vinz plays throughout our journey home and I find myself getting completely lost in the music. The silence in the car is heavy and I’m glad for a distraction of the radio. After a few minutes I realise that we’re heading in the direction of my apartment.
“You’re taking me home?” I ask, daring a quick glance at him out the corner of my eye.
“Yeah. I can’t take you back to mine with my parents being there.” He replies simply, keeping his eyes fixed on the road.
Of course. I keep forgetting that Zack has been staying at his parent’s house since he came up here. He’s still not spent a single night with Rachel and she’s already suspicious about the reason why. I can’t help wondering if he will actually choose to sleep with her tonight, now that he’s had sex with me… what’s stopping him from going back to his far more beautiful fiancé?
I shift uncomfortably in my seat, fighting the intrusive image of them together in my head. It churns my stomach, it makes me feel physically sick when I imagine them together and I could almost scream with frustration. I realise that it’s inevitable, they’re engaged and it’s going to happen sooner rather than later. However, that doesn’t mean I want to think about it, not even for a moment.
I’m surprised to find that Zack has pulled into the car park of my apartment complex when I next look up. He switches off the engine and rests both of his hands on the wheel, leaving the two of us in silence.
“Shall we go inside?” I ask, feeling timid and somewhat shy all of a sudden.
He nods slowly, shaking his head slightly as he tries to pull himself together. He quickly removes himself from the car and I scramble to follow him, fumbling for the apartment keys in my handbag. God, why does this have to be so awkward? Will it be like this from now on? Will there always be an unbearable atmosphere that exists between us? If so, someone is bound to get suspicious. My mother hates my guts but she’s also extremely perceptive. She would see through my uncomfortable demeanour in an instant.
I make my way into the kitchen as soon as we walk into the apartment, switching on the kettle before I even turn on the light. The last thing I want is coffee but I need to find something to distract myself. Zack loiters by the doorway, struggling with the idea of whether or not he should come and join me in the kitchen. I turn my back on him, facing the wall as I try to gain some control over my breathing.
A few moments pass before I feel him make his way over towards me. He rests his hands on the counter, pressing his solid chest against my back as he inhales deeply, trailing his lips against the skin on my neck.
“I forgot to mention how incredible you look in this dress.” He whispers, stroking his finger down the side of my body, caressing the silky material of it.
I reluctantly turn around so that we’re face to face, unable to resist him for a second longer. Everything about him is so intoxicating, even his scent is alluring and entirely hypnotic. He’s my own personal addiction, an addiction I know there is no cure for.
“All you told me was how you wanted to fuck me on the table.” I reply despondently, trying to remain stony faced and unresponsive to him.
He lowers his head, clearly mortified about the way he spoke to me earlier. It’s almost enough to make me feel sorry for him.
Almost.
He takes hold of my small wrist in his hand, glancing down at his fingers which remain locked around it.
“I’m sorry about that. I never should have said any of those things to you and I don’t know what the hell I was thinking of sending you that text at the table. My one and only excuse is insanity. I know that might sound crazy but that’s exactly how what it feels like. Ever since I met you… I feel like I don’t even know who I am anymore. I don’t know what I’m doing and no matter how hard I try, I just don’t know how to get you out of my fucking head!” He exclaims loudly, slamming his fist against the wooden surface of the counter behind me.
I can’t help myself from flinching at the noise, so uncertain and full of doubt when it comes to knowing how I should handle this. I’ve come to realise that I really don’t know Zack all too well. I have no knowledge whatsoever about his temperament or anything beyond what he’s already told me about himself. This and the fact that my heart feels like it might tear in two is enough to convince me that it would have been so much better for everyone involved if we had never met. If only my sister had got married before she got round to introducing us… none of this would have happened.
“What do you want from me, Zack? What do you want me to say?” I challenge him, folding my arms across my chest, desperate to put some space between us.
“I need to know you feel this too. I need to know that I’m not the only one of us who is suffering here. I need you to tell me that I’m not the only one who’s been torn apart by all of this.”
“Of course you’re not the only one.” I rest the my hand against his cheek, trying to ignore the way he clings on to it with his own hand, placing a delicate kiss on my palm. “This is killing me just as much as it is you. I don’t know what to do, I don’t know where to go or who I can talk to about this. I don’t know how I’m supposed to spend the rest of my life carrying around the weight of this inside me. Ultimately I know that it comes down to a choice. A choice between destroying my sister’s happiness and my own.” I sob, inhaling sharply as I try to regain control over my emotional outburst.
“Shh… it’s ok. We’ll be ok. We’re going to figure this out, I promise you. You’re not alone in this, Samantha. I’m here for you and I’m not going anywhere.” He soothes me, trailing his thumb down the side of my face, providing me an insurmountable amount of comfort as well as desire for him.
My attraction towards him infuriates me even more. I can’t believe the strength or the power of the magnetic force I feel between us and the complexity of such wayward emotions angers me beyond belief.
“You’re marrying my sister!” I yell furiously, frantically struggling to free myself from his grasp, pummelling my small fists against his chest.
“Maybe I don’t want to.” He murmurs softly, attempting to calm me by pulling me close and stroking several strands of my blonde hair between his fingers.
“What are you saying?” I murmur softly, gazing up at him in astonishment.
“I don’t know. I don’t know anything anymore. All I do know is I’m absolutely crazy about you, Samantha. I know that I haven’t been able to feel the same way about Rachel since I met you. I can’t even bring myself to sleep with her because I’m terrified I’ll say your name. I can’t even let myself spend the night with her because I know thinking of you is inevitable. She knows that something is wrong between us and I have no idea what to tell her. I don’t want to hurt her but I can’t help the fact that…” He trails off, reluctant and hesitant to continue.
“What?” I urge him, grasping a handful of his shirt in each hand.
“I’m falling for you.” He whispers, lowering his head in defeat. It’s as though he’s finally surrendered himself before me, he’s allowed me to knock down and demolish all of his defences and all that is left is his enthralling vulnerability and truth.
“Y-you can’t be.” I stammer, shaking my head in absolution.
This can’t be possible, it just can’t. What the hell have we done? What the hell are we going to do?
“I am. I’m falling for you, Sam and there’s nothing I can do about it. God knows I’ve tried, I’ve tried to stay away from you, I’ve tried to ignore what I feel for you and none of it is working. I’m all out of ideas and I’m absolutely certain that I no longer have the strength to stay away from you.”
What happens next is madness, complete and utter madness. We somehow manage to fall back into that insatiable, indescribable and senseless passion which drew us together in the first place. Zack’s mouth is on mine before I can even think about pushing him away, my own lips respond to him without question and the frantic desperation between us becomes too much for either one of us to bear.
I’m effortlessly hoisted up onto the counter behind me, my body arches backwards, shamelessly craving Zack’s touch. Nothing else seems to matter, there’s not a single thought that exists inside my head besides the burning hunger that exists within my soul. I yearn for him, I ache, pine and perish for the extraordinary, inconceivable man before me.
“You have no idea how much I want you.” He growls directly into my ear, breathing heavily against me.
He crushes our torsos together, stealing the oxygen out of my lungs as he plunges his tongue deep inside the recesses of my mouth. His tongue strokes mine in a gentle and sensual caress. I grab the front of his collar, struggling to unfasten all of the fiddly little buttons on his shirt. He senses my impatience and helps me out, hastily yanking his shirt apart before letting it slide off his shoulders onto the floor.
“Where’s your bedroom?” He whispers, trailing his lips along my neck, tasting my skin with his tongue.
“Through there.” I murmur, motioning my head towards the direction of my room.
Zack grabs me firmly, lifting me off the counter as he carries me out of the kitchen and through the living room. We’re standing in my bedroom within seconds and he unceremoniously lets go of me so I fall onto the bed as soon as we enter.
“I am seriously tempted to rip this dress off you right now.” He groans loudly, allowing his large hands to roam every single curve of my body.
“Do it.” I urge him, sitting up on the bed so I can bring our bodies closer.
He’s still standing and I desperately need to close the distance between us more than anything in this world.
“You sure?” He asks doubtfully, hesitating before he tears the flimsy material from my body.
“Do you want me naked or not?” I challenge him, allowing my fingertips to caress the bare skin on my chest, teasing him by cupping my breasts as I continue to gaze up at him.
“Fuck.” He moans loudly in frustration, his eyes alight with a burning passion for me.
I gasp as he yanks the clothing from my body, leaving me only in my white bra and panties. His intense gaze travels across my body as his breathing becomes heavy and his hands reach out to caress the skin on my inner thighs. He prises my legs apart, exposing my innocent underwear to him as he trails his thumb across the damp fabric of my panties. He inhales sharply when he realises how ready I am for him and I internally cringe, embarrassed and self-conscious about how aroused I actually am for him.
“Don’t. Don’t hide from me, Samantha. You have no fucking idea how hot it is for me to see how soaking that sweet pussy of yours is for me.”
I moan with pleasure, allowing my legs to fall open to his penetrating gaze. He continues to draw small circles with his thumb through the moist material and I find myself rocking my hips back and forth against the slight pressure his applying to my clitoris through my underwear.
“Zack… that feels incredible.” I whimper, on the edge of a precipice that will cause me to shatter into a thousand pieces from his touch.
“Unhook your bra.” He instructs me, sounding dominant and commanding.
I do as he asks, hastily scrambling with the clasp of my bra. I’m desperate to free my breasts so I can witness his expression darken with lust. I want to see the desire in his eyes and know that I am the sole reason behind that yearning he has for me.
His mouth latches onto one of my breasts as soon as they are bare and unprotected. He continues to stroke me as he suckles on my nipple, swirling his tongue around it as he increases the movement of his hand between my legs. I’m violently close to coming but need to feel his touch directly on my skin. I don’t want anything to separate us, I need him to know how turned on I am. I want to come all over his hand and I want him to crave the exact same thing.
It’s as though Zack can read my mind as he slides my panties to the side, exposing myself to him and his fingertips. He sucks in a deep breath, glancing down at my engorged clitoris which he continues to stroke with his thumb.
“I wanted to take my time with you. I wanted to explore every single inch of your body and not rush this but… I really don’t think I can. I have to taste you again right now, I can’t wait.”
My mouth falls open in astonishment as I watch him hastily make his way down my body, yanking my thighs apart so he can settle his face in-between them. I freeze for a split second, suddenly shy and slightly uncomfortable with the level of intimacy between us in this position. I know we did this last night but I can’t help thinking that a repeat of last night’s performance is going to destroy us both. We had both convinced ourselves that last night was going to be a one off, our one and only chance to be together and we’re already going back on that promise.
“Zack… this is wrong.” I tell him, struggling to keep the tremor out of my voice.
“No. No, it isn’t.” He insists, purposefully ignoring my protests.
“It is. We shouldn’t be doing this.” I whimper, trying to evade his persistent mouth in an attempt to remain in control.
“You can’t ask me to stop now. Please don’t ask me to. I’m begging you.” He pleads with me, locking those incredible brown eyes on my own.
“But we agreed. We said it would be just one night.” I argue, remembering how adamant we both were that we would never speak about it again.
“Fuck our agreement and fuck everything I ever said to you before now. I know I can’t go a single fucking day without you and I already need to taste you again before I explode.”
“B-but what about Rachel?” I stammer, dreading and demanding an answer to my question at the same time.
“I’m not thinking about her. I know that makes me a bastard but I don’t care.” He replies coolly, finally providing my aching pussy with a graceless, self-gratifying lick.
My hips automatically raise themselves off the bed, frantically seeking more pleasure from him. I need him to feel this too, I long to drive him absolutely crazy, torturing him with my body and the indescribable fervency that feel for him and the connection that we share.
“Please.” I beg him, bordering on the brink of insanity when he refuses to reward me with another sample of his exquisite touch.
“My girl is so greedy. I’ll have to teach you to be patient.” He chuckles softly, blowing gently against my aching core, causing me to tremble and quiver uncontrollably.
Wait a minute. Did he just call me his girl???
“Zack, don’t torture me.” I warn him, glaring angrily. “Just do it.”
“Do what?” Zack taunts me, a self-satisfied smirk on his face.
“You know what.” I say through clenched teeth, fisting the quilt which lies beneath me.
“Nope. I really don’t.” He teases, struggling to conceal the playful grin on his face.
“Zack…”
“If you say it, I’ll do it.” He challenges me, making his way back up my body until we’re face to face.
“I-I… I want you to… to lick me.”
“Lick you where?” He whispers huskily, stroking his mouth up and down the length of my jawline.
“I want you to eat my pussy.” I moan, speeding over the words as I cover my blushing face with my shaking hands.
“Fuck, I can’t describe what that did to me hearing you say that.” He groans, quickly repositioning himself between my thighs.
His fingers gently spread my folds before he plunges his tongue all the way inside of me. I cry out in complete and utter ecstasy, arching my back and closing my eyes as I desperately try to squirm away from and seek his unrelenting, persistent mouth.
Zack groans loudly, allowing me to feel the vibration from his throat right through me. I curl my fingers through his dark hair, shamelessly grinding my soaking pussy against him. He encourages my actions, making sure my legs are spread wide apart as he continues to feast on his own personal banquet.
“Come on my tongue, baby. Fuck, I want to taste you. I need to taste you again.” He murmurs.
His words embolden me to do just as he asks and I let myself go, circling my hips against his mouth as his tongue continues to fuck me, swirling around inside me as he begs me to come.
“Mmmmm you taste so good. I love how you taste, baby. That’s why I need you to come for me right now. Sweetheart, let me taste your sweet juices. Give me everything, give it to me right now.” He commands me, throwing one of my legs over his shoulder, opening me up to him even more and providing him with more access.
My orgasm hits me with a tornado-like force. The impact is catastrophic and it shatters my whole being into a thousand pieces. I whimper, scream, moan and beg for more, increasing my volume as I ride out the magnificent wave of euphoric delight.
Zack is left panting and breathless too, his lips glistening with my moisture as he crawls up the length of my body. I take him by complete surprise when I grab him by the back of the neck, bringing his irresistible lips towards mine. I don’t even care that they’re now covered in my own arousal, I just need him to kiss me.
Our lips collide and I part his lips with my tongue, savouring the unique taste of myself as we kiss passionately. I know the fact that I’m finding out how sweet I am turns him on, increasing the pace of our tongues as they circle one another. It’s as though he is making love to me with his mouth and I’ve never experienced anything quite so exquisite.
“Samantha… what are you doing to me?” He growls, fisting one of his hands in my hair, tugging my head back to he can explore the sensitive skin on my neck with his lips.
“Zack, I need you.” I whimper, trying to remove his trousers from him.
I don’t have much luck which causes Zack to chuckle softly. He raises himself off the bed until he’s in a standing position, confidently unfastening his belt (which I have to say is the sexiest sound I’ve ever heard) and sliding his trousers down his muscular thighs.
My gaze is instantly drawn to the enticing bulge concealed behind his boxers. I long to reach out and touch him but still feel too shy and nervous to do anything about it.
“Take them off for me.” He tells me, taking hold of my hand so he can pull me up into a sitting position.
“I-I don’t know if I can.” I mumble pathetically, tripping over my words.
“You can.” He assures me, leaning down to place a chaste kiss against my lips.
With trembling hands I reach for the waistline of his boxer shorts, noticing the familiar CK logo at the top. Before I have chance to stop it, the intrusive image of Rachel pops into my head and I can’t help myself from wondering if she’s done this for him before. I shake my head, willing the negative thought to disappear. Of course she’s done this for him, they’re engaged. I’m sure they have a terrific sex life and I’m certain that I must be a great disappointment to him in comparison.
“Whatever you’re thinking about… stop.” Zack’s soothing voice breaks through my mixed up thoughts, instantly silencing the crazy goings on inside my head.
I give him a weak smile and hook my fingers underneath the material, hesitantly pulling down his last remainder of clothing. His erection is huge and imposing, inches away from my lips which makes the temptation of taking him in my mouth that much harder to ignore. Zack’s chocolate brown eyes remain locked on mine, watching my every move as I nervously lick my lips in anticipation.
“Baby, you can’t do things like that in front of me, not when your mouth is inches away from my dick.” He whispers huskily, stroking his fingers through my hair.
I would have thought his crude language would be a massive turn off for me but it actually has an opposite effect on me. It arouses me beyond belief, making me long to hear him talk that way for the rest of the night.
“You don’t like it when I do this?” I tease him, gently biting down on my bottom lip.
His eyes ignite with a deep, indisputable desire for me. His jaw tightens as does his hand which curls itself into a ball in my hair.
“I like it way too fucking much and that’s the problem.” He groans, closing his eyes as he twists the strands of my hair around his large fist, forcing my neck back so he can lower his mouth onto mine.
Our tongues tangle together. The intensity of our kiss makes me feel bold and I find myself reaching out for him, grasping the length of him in my hand. Zack’s groan encourages me to continue and I slide my hand up and down his arousal, quickening my pace as his breathing intensifies.
When I’m fully convinced that he can’t take much more of what I’m doing, I slowly lower my mouth towards the tip of his erection, wrapping my lips around the head of him before I circle my tongue against the underside of his incredible arousal.
“Fuck, Samantha…” Zack whispers in awe, closing his eyes as he allows his head to fall back in absolute ecstasy.
I persist in pleasuring him with my mouth, somehow managing to block out every single negative thought that tries to creep up on me and make me feel guilty. I don’t know how I’ve done it but it’s as though I’ve finally accepted the fact that I’m not strong enough to fight this. I’m no longer capable of denying what I feel for him. I can’t even begin to describe it and regardless of what the consequences of tonight will be… I need this. I need him.
I’ve been pleasuring Zack with my mouth for several minutes when he eventually puts a stop to my ardent movements, gently pushing me back until I’m lying down on the bed.
“Why did you stop me?” I ask in confusion, wondering if I did something wrong or something he didn’t like.
“Because I knew I wouldn’t be able to last much longer if you didn’t.” He answers truthfully, stroking a large hand down the centre of my body.
The electric current this provokes within me is indescribable and what my body does next is even more astonishing. My legs fall open of their own accord, practically begging Zack to enter me. His gaze drops to the most intimate part of my body and I can almost see the scorching flames which are dancing in the black of his pupils. He throws one of my legs over his shoulder, sliding all the way into my body in one smooth, fluid motion.
Our bodies are now connected. We’re as close as two people can ever hope to be and the most bizarre, unexplainable fact about this is… only now do I feel like I’ve found peace. All my life I have searched for it. I’ve yearned for the tranquillity that the people around me have seemed to experience and now I’ve actually found it. It’s heart-breaking for me that my sister’s fiancé is the one and only person to make me feel this way but right now… nothing else in this world matters. All that matters is this.
Us.
Him.
“God, Samantha… you feel amazing.” He murmurs reverently, coaxing my mouth into submission as he parts my lips with his tongue.
My pussy floods with moisture and I moan loudly, grinding my hips in a circular motion beneath him. We continue kissing, breathing heavily as the intensity and passion between us reaches its climax. My fingers tangle in his hair whilst his right hand makes its way down my body, gently pressing on my clit.
“Zack, don’t stop. Please.” I mewl, arching my body against his until we’re chest to chest.
“What’s that, baby? You want me to stop?” He taunts me, slowing down his pace as he threatens to put an end to the inexplicable pleasure he’s giving me.
“No!” I cry, tightening my legs around his waist in a desperate attempt to keep him inside me.
“Beg me.” He urges. “Beg me to keep on going and I might just give you what you want.” Zack speaks directly into my ear before trailing kisses down the side of my face, causing my entire boy to tremble beneath him.
“Please. Please keep on going… make me come, Zack. I’m begging you.” I whimper, swallowing the last of my pride as I plead with him to carry on.
“Don’t worry, baby. I got you, I’ll take care of you and make sure you come all over me. Squirt all over this dick and let me feel you. I don’t think you realise how beautiful you look when you come for me. Sam, it’s the sexiest damn thing I’ve ever seen.”
His erotic words push me over the edge and I swear my entire being shatters into a thousand pieces around him. I scream his name loudly, over and over again as I experience the most incredible orgasm of my entire life. I’m left trembling uncontrollably, locked in a bizarre and unexplainable place where pleasure and pain can coexist.
It’s as though I can pretend when we’re like this. When we’re alone together in my bedroom, I can kid myself that this is real life. I can imagine that Zack and I are together and it’s ok for us to be like this one another.
It was different at the hotel. Afterwards, what we had done felt seedy and wrong… exactly how an affair should make you feel. It feels completely different between us now. The connection that exists between us makes me want to keep the door locked and keep out the rest of the world. I want to forget about everyone but him and the euphoric gratification coursing through my veins is enough to convince me that I can do just do that.
Thirty minutes later. I’m quietly making my way into the kitchen as I try to ignore the sound of Zack turning on the shower. I can’t help myself from thinking that the only reason he’s in there is to wash my scent off him before he goes home to Rachel. I know he still needs to pick her up from the restaurant and I know he has to get going before my sister and Jason get suspicious about our whereabouts… but it still hurts.
I tighten my dressing gown around me as I switch the kettle on, preparing to make a coffee I know I’m nog going drink. I sigh angrily, slamming a mug down on the kitchen counter. I really need to occupy myself with something for the next few minutes and making coffee is the only thing I can think of.
The sound of the shower running infiltrates my thoughts, forcing me to close my eyes as I try to rid myself of the sexual image my mind just conjured up. I’m so glad I managed to sneak out of the bedroom without being spotted. Zack asked me to join him before he went into the bathroom but I politely declined. I told him to go ahead without me and that’s when I snuck out of the bedroom.
The noise coming from the shower suddenly cuts off and I freeze, struggling to steady the trembling of my hands. I’m going to see him in a matter of seconds and its imperative for me to find a sense of composure. I can break down later, I’ll allow myself to curl up in a ball and cry the second after he leaves but until then, I must remain dignified. It’s imperative that I do this, for my own sanity if nothing else.
“Are you ok?” A deep and masculine voice startles me out of my reverie, pulling me back into the present.
“I’m fine. I just wanted some coffee.” I answer, whirling around to face him.
He’s fully dressed and leaning against the wall opposite, watching me intently.
“Are you sure?” He asks, his voice full of concern and uncertainty.
“Of course I’m sure.” I plaster a false smile onto my face, hoping it will be enough to convince him.
“Don’t lie to me.” He says smoothly, piercing my soul with his hypnotic gaze.
“I’m not lying.” I assure him. “I’m really ok. It’s just I know you need to be getting back.”
I turn my back on him and busy myself with the pointless task of coffee making, wanting him to take the hint and leave me alone before I break down completely.
“Sam… you know I don’t want to leave you but I have to go.” His voice draws near as he comes up behind me, narrowing the remaining space between us.
“I get how this works, Zack. What are you still doing here?” I retort sharply, swallowing back the lump that’s lodged in my throat.
“Sam, don’t be like this.” He says wearily, rubbing the centre of his forehead.
The sound of his phone ringing interrupts us both, tearing us out of our make-believe little world where only the two of us exist.
“You better answer that, it’s probably your fiancé.” I seethe venomously, moving away from the counter and putting as much distance as I can between me and Zack.
“Where do you think you’re going? We’re still talking.”
“Are we?” I challenge him, folding my arms across my chest.
“Yeah we are. Don’t take another step, Samantha.” He warns me, reaching for the phone in his pocket.
“That’s right, take your call.” I respond nastily, receiving an icy glare from him as a response.
“Hello?” He barks into the phone, dragging a hand through his hair in frustration. “I’m leaving soon, Rachel. Any minute now. I won’t be long, ok? See you soon.” He hangs up and exhales loudly, closing his eyes before he opens them to look at me.
“You should go.” I murmur quietly, fighting the incredible urge I have to break down in tears.
Do not show him your weakness.
“I don’t want to. You think I want to go to her? You really think I want to be somewhere that you’re not?” He fires back at me, striding across the room in my direction.
“It doesn’t matter what you or I want, Zack. It’s just the way things are.” I mumble despondently, putting an emotional barrier between us.
“W-what if I call her back and say my car won’t start? I could say it’s broken down and tell her she’ll have to get a taxi home. I could spend the night here. With you.”
“Another lie? It’s impossible, Zack. She’ll catch you out if you say you spent the night at home with your parents. They could easily let the truth slip.”
“So what do you want me to do?” He says softly, trailing his thumb over my bottom lip.
“I want you to go. Leave right now and pretend that this weekend didn’t happen.”
I avoid his gaze and turn my back on him, battling the internal war going on inside of me.
“You know I can’t do that.” He whispers.
“You have to try. We don’t have a choice.” I reply hopelessly.
“I don’t want to try! All I want is you.” He growls, spinning me around to face him.
“Please, Zack… just go.” I beg him, struggling to free myself from his grasp.
He completely ignores me, pushing my body back until it hits the wall behind me. His mouth is on mine within seconds, his tongue invading my mouth as he demands an entry. I refuse, clamping my lips together in an attempt to keep him locked out of my body and my heart.
“Open your mouth, Samantha. Don’t deny me.” He implores me, taking hold of my wrists before he raises them both above my head.
I can’t help it. I eventually give into him and the irrefutable need I have for him, for all of him.
“This is so unfair!” I cry, half tugging him towards me and half pushing him away.
“I know. I know it is. This is so fucked up, all of it is.” Zack moans, dragging his mouth away from my own so he can venture down my body.
His lips and teeth are relentless as he marks the skin on my neck, bruising and branding me as his own. His hands reach for the tie on my dressing gown, yanking the material from me so I’m left standing naked before him. His hungry gaze roams over every contour of my body, a carnal gleam in his eyes as he devours me with his eyes.
The sound of his phone ringing puts a stop to everything. We both glance down at the intrusive object, despising the fact that this piece of technology has forced us to put a stop to things.
“For fuck’s sake!” He yells, slamming his fist against the wall behind me in frustration.
I flinch, scrambling for my discarded dressing gown on the floor.
“I’m on my way, Rachel.” He speaks sharply into the phone, refusing to tear himself away from my body, remaining in close proximity to me as he answers his call.
“You have to go.”
“You know the last thing I want to do is leave you.”
“I know.”
“I’ll be in touch.”
“Goodnight, Zack.”
“Goodnight, Sam.” He places a delicate kiss on the centre of my forehead before he goes, closing the door behind him.
I crumple to the floor as soon as I hear the sound of his car driving away. I rock myself back and forth as I sob helplessly. I have no idea what I should do or where I should go from here. The pain in my chest is excruciating and I recognise it all too well.
Heartbreak.
I know I need to put a stop to this before it goes any further. I have to find a way out before it’s too late. The main problem is… I think it already is. I’ve completely fallen for a man who belongs to someone else. He belongs to my sister.
I ignore my phone which continues to make noise and reach for my iPod, selecting Beyonce’s ‘Jealous.’ This song always soothes me but at the same time it makes me feel pain. I can relate to every single lyric and continue to cry as I refuse to acknowledge my phone.
After two hours of relentless weeping, I finally pick myself up off the floor and stumble into the bathroom, switching on the bath taps before I take a look in the mirror at my miserable reflection. The pain and suffering in my eyes is devastating for me to witness. I’ve only ever seen myself look like this on one occasion before and that was the darkest period of my life. I will not go back there again. Not for anyone.
Not even for him.