“Hey Liam, let’s go out tonight. You know, get some drinks and maybe get us a couple of girls,” Zander calls over to me across my desk.

“No man, not tonight. I’m not in the mood.”

“You haven’t been in the mood for months. Come on, Liam. How long you going to wait for her to snap out of it? That girl’s so bad off, she may never be the same, and you said you two were done. What if she does come out of it, then tells you to go to hell?”

“I don’t care. I’m not doing it for that.”

“Then what are you doing it for?”

“Zander, man, I’m not discussing this with you. I loved her once; that doesn’t necessarily mean I still do. If she wakes up from this and doesn’t want anything to do with me, then that’s fine.”

“Really, because you sure don’t seem to be over it.”

“You don’t know shit, Zander.”

“That’s right because you never tell me shit. I sure don’t know how you hid a relationship from us, especially Mom. How the hell did you hide her from Mom?”

“Hide?!” It’s such a nasty word to describe what we did, but I guess that’s exactly what I did. I hid her from everyone. I should’ve never done that.

“Why did you?”

“I did it because I thought it was better for her, but I don’t know, maybe it was for me, too. I was a coward, maybe I didn’t want the fallback. I know this for sure, I loved her, but I wasn’t ready for her.”

“Well, Liam, you can lie to yourself all you want, but I think you still love that girl. I’ll see you later. I’m going find me a hard drink and a soft woman.”

When Zander leaves, I follow to go home to Mom’s. I haven’t been to my house in months, other than to get clothes. As long as Avery’s there, that’s where I’ll be, too.

I get home, and Jeffery lets me know everyone already retired for the night. I thank him and head to my room. I start by taking a quick shower. When I’m finished, I head to Avery’s room. It’s been nearly five months since I’ve been coming to her at night. My back and neck are killing me from sleeping in that damn chair, but it’s what I have to do to be close to her. When I open her door, I see she’s having another nightmare. I rush to her again, soothing her with my words.

“Avery, it’s Liam, baby. I have you. Sleep. I won’t let anyone hurt you anymore, no one will ever get to you again. Sleep.”

When she’s calmed, I look over to her nightstand and see her sedatives are spilled all over. I need to tell Fallon she needs to watch how many she’s taking and slow her down.

I settle in the chair and watch her beautiful face as she sleeps, and I think about the last time we were us.

A couple of weeks before my graduation, things between us are so perfect. We still haven’t had sex, but what we do have is better than anything I ever had with anyone else. We are so close to the end of school. Maybe then we can come out in the open about our relationship. I mean, I won’t be going to school there anymore, so she shouldn’t get any flack over dating me. Marcy won’t be there anymore either, so she won’t have any pull over the girls who remain. I see no reason for us to be kept a secret for much longer.

My mom said she wants to talk to me, so I planned to meet her in the office at home.

“Hey Mom, what’s up? You wanted to see me?”

“Yes, please sit down, Liam.” As I sit across from her, my brothers Gabriel and Zander walk in and sit down, too.

Mom starts the conversation. “Liam, you’re over eighteen now, and you’re about to graduate. So, we need to discuss your future in the family.”

I look over to my brothers, and they look grave; it’s a look that tells me my life’s about to change.

Mom continues. “Liam, you know we own a casino, and in the future I would like to open another. We also have some other businesses I have slowly been preparing you for your whole life.”

“What are you talking about?”

“I’m sending you to LSU to study business, but you will also have to finish your training here. Gabriel and Zander will take over your free time in-between your breaks.”

“Why, Mom? What kind of businesses do we have?”

Her back straightens, and she quickly goes through our other business ventures. “Besides the casino, we are what most people would call a mob family. However, I do not care for that term. We are an organized family. To be honest Liam, I am the head of all organizations in this state. As my son you will take your spot in the family business just like your brothers did.”

Am I hearing her right? “How did I not know this?”

“What did you think all your training was for? I have been slowly preparing all of you to one day take over. I shielded you all from the rest until you all reached eighteen. At that age, it’s time to grow up and be the men this family needs.”

“What if I don’t want to be part of the business?”

Mom laughs. “And do what, Liam? What will you do?”

“I don’t know, something, anything but this. I know what you’re telling me, and I know what it entails, but it’s not for me, Mom. I don’t want this life.”

“This is your family. Like it or not, you were born into this life. I won’t lie to you, Liam, it’s a dangerous one, you will have to do things that aren’t legal. You’ll find yourself doing things for which there will be no forgiveness. But it is also a fulfilling life. No one messes with this family and your children, and their children will live a better life for it.”

“But Mom, it’s not my life. Aren’t you hearing me? I don’t want any of it.”

Mom slams her hands on top her desk and stands. “I have worked my ass off for years and done things I hope none of you will ever have to do. But I did it all for my family. You have no idea what it’s like to be on your own, Liam, so if that’s what you’re thinking, then stop it. You wouldn’t make it. I raised and prepared each one of you to take over one day. You along with your brothers will do what is necessary to continue my legacy.” She points at us all and says, “You, all of you and your wives, will guarantee this family’s future. Have I made myself clear, Liam?”

I look over to my brothers and back at my mom. Knowing I have no other options, I answer her, “Yes, Mom, I understand.”

“Good, son.”

When I leave to go see Avery, on the drive I think about all things Mom said. I want to marry Avery, but how can I now? She wasn’t made for this life. She’ll never understand what I have to do; hell, I barely understand it. She will never agree to be the wife of a mobster. Mom might not like that term, but that’s exactly what I’ll be, and I can’t do that to Avery. She was made for a better life, a legal, wholesome life. Not one where she has to be scared for me or our children’s safety. And her mother would never agree with her marrying me, I know she won’t. I turn my Jeep around. I can’t do that to her. She needs a better man than the man I was born to be. I love her too much for her to live this life.

Halfway home, I start getting texts from her, but I don’t open them. The faster I do this, the better. When I get home, I slam the fucking door in anger because she won’t stop texting. I need to make a plan to set her free.

I finally give up ignoring her texts. I just need her to stop. So, I read them, and it breaks my heart to read about her concern. She says how worried she is about me because I’m late. I text her back that I’m fine; I just wasn’t feeling good, and I’ll see her later. The next day, I can’t even go to school, I can’t see the look of concern on her face until I have a plan. I hate that I’m sitting here trying to figure out how to break the heart of the girl I love.

Maybe if I just keep ignoring her, she’ll get the picture. I try that for about a week. I don’t go see her at night, and I barely answer her texts, and when I do, I’m vague. It doesn’t seem to work, though. She keeps texting, telling me how much she misses and loves me.

Finally, I think of a sure-fire way to break it off… Marcy. I call her and make a date for the weekend. When the weekend comes, I dread it, I can’t stand the idea of Marcy touching me; she’s nothing compared to my Avery. I drink a lot that night just to get through it. When the time came for me to fuck Marcy, I couldn’t get a hard-on. Maybe it was from the booze, or maybe because she’s not Avery, but I did enough to fuck our relationship up. I know Marcy will blab about our night and start to claim ownership of me again.

Later in the night when I call a taxi to bring Marcy home, I call another for me, but instead of going home, I have him drive me to Avery’s. I stumble to the tree and watch her through her sheer curtains; her silhouette is even beautiful.

I text her: “I’m here, come outside by the tree.”

While I wait for her, I look at the fucking tree, to where it all started. Where I begged her to forgive me, and now where I stand, ready to break her heart. I tighten my fists and punch the fucking tree over and over, till I feel Avery’s arm on my shoulder, asking me to stop.

“Stop, Liam, what’s wrong?”

I lay my forehead on the tree and start to cry.

“Liam, what is it? Give me your hands; you’re bleeding.”

I yell as I turn to face her, “Forget my fucking hands, Avery!”

I see the shock of me yelling at her all over her face; even her body becomes tense. I soften my voice. “Come here, baby, let me hold you.”

She comes, and I wrap myself in her warmth and kiss her.

“Liam, you’re drunk. Why were you drinking?”

“Shh, just let me hold you a minute. I love you, Avery. Can you always remember that for me? Can you? I need you to think of me and know I will always love you, no matter where we are.”

“You’re scaring me, Liam. Why?”

I pull her tighter and whisper in her ear, “I fucked Marcy tonight, baby.”

I feel her go stiff in my arms as she freezes and doesn’t move for a while until it registers what I said. When she moves, her face is stone cold. It’s a look I have never seen from her. She moves back out of my arms, then tells me with a lowered deadpan voice, “I hate you. I will always hate you. Do you hear me, Liam? You just broke us, and I will never forgive you, ever.”

I watch her face. She means every word, and I thought I could go through with this, but I can’t; I need her in my life.

I fight to hold her, trying as hard as I can to get her back in my arms.

“Avery, you don’t mean that, baby. I love you. You have to remember that I love you.”

I finally win the fight and get her where I want her in my arms. I kiss her with all the passion I can. I kiss her through my tears, but she bites my lip as hard as she can to break our kiss.

“Did you kiss me with the same mouth you had on her? You disgust me, Liam, I meant every word. I hate you, and I never want to see you again.”

I try to reach out to her again, but she pushes off my touch.

She’s crying so hard now, but somehow, she finds the strength to start yelling at me. “Never, Liam, not anymore. I will never be your dirty little secret again. One day, you will regret hiding me. But I will always regret letting you in my life. Do you hear me? I will always regret you! Don’t you ever come around me again. I don’t want to see you or hear from you ever!”

She runs off and leaves me there standing like the dumb fucker I am.

I’m awakened by my mother playing in my hair, whispering my name.

“Liam, wake up, my angel.”

“Mom?”

I open my eyes and see my mom standing over me. “Mom, what are you doing here? Is it morning already? Where’s Fallon?”

“Liam, I need to know, son; do you love her?”

I brush off her hand and tell her, “Mom, with all due respect, that’s none of your business.”

She kneels and grabs my hands. “Son, that girl is going through so much right now that you will never understand. Theo told me you killed those men when you found her. And Fallon tells me you have been sleeping in here every night since she was brought here. So, it is my business. Do you love her?”

“I broke her heart a long time ago, and she will never forgive me. Just let it go.”

“Liam, that’s not what I asked. Do you love her?”

I pause, then look straight at her. “Yes, Mom, I loved her then, and I love her now. She is the only woman I have ever loved, but she hates me.”

As soon as I finish telling my mom the truth, Avery starts screaming.

“Why is he here? Get him out, Catherine! I want him out of here! Get out, get out, Liam!”

Mom turns around and tells me, “Get out!”

“No, Mom, just let me talk to her, I can calm her down.”

In a scolding voice, my mom yells, “Liam, if you love her and you want her back, then get the hell out, now…go!”