I’m alone in my bedroom now, pacing the floor as I wait for the stylist. I’m so worried Catherine expects too much from me. I think she wants me to love Liam again; not that I really ever stopped, I just can’t do it. If she thinks I’ll run back into his arms like nothing ever happened, then she has another thing coming. I can’t let Liam back in my life. For one, he’ll break my heart again; and two, I’m not the same person anymore. I’ve been tarnished. I know he loved the idea of me being so innocent, but I’m far from it now. Besides, the idea of having a man touch me, any man in that way, sickens me right now. I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to change that.

Suddenly, my thoughts are interrupted by a knock on the door, Fallon enters, and she’s followed by a man and a woman.

“Avery, this is Tony and Lola, they are our stylists. They’re here to take your measurements and ask you some questions about your tastes.”

Tony goes to shake my hand, and I jump back. Fallon runs to me and asks Tony and Lola to wait in the hall and give us a minute. Promptly, they leave the room as asked.

“Avery, I’m sorry. I didn’t think about you maybe not wanting to be touched. I will ask Tony to let Lola take the lead on this one, okay?”

“Thank you.”

“By the way, Tony is as gay as they come. But I’ll tell him just the same.”

“I’m sorry, Fallon. I don’t know why I did that. I just, I don’t like being touched so much. It’s nothing about Tony.”

“Listen, Avery, I understand. I’ll be more cautious. Is it all right for him to ask you questions, or do you not want him back in at all?”

“I’ll talk to him. Just ask if Lola can be the one to take my measurements?”

She nods then walks out of the room. About ten minutes later, they all enter the room again. Tony’s polite and friendly, and as Fallon said, very gay. Lola is just as pleasant. Tony sits on the bed while Lola measures me. He starts asking about colors, brands, and lengths I prefer.

“I’m not sure.” Now feeling a little embarrassed, I find myself trying to explain. “My mother usually bought all my clothes, even when I went to college. She would have everything sent to me.”

Tony shakes his head, saying, “Girl, if I had a nickel for all the mommas that think they know best, I’d be rich on a beach with Rico Suave’. Some of these mothers need to learn to let their kids be. But don’t you worry about it, girl. I have some fabulous ideas for that body.”

He must have seen the look of terror on my face because he stands in front of me now.

“I don’t know why you flinched or look terrified of me, but I hope you know, I am not interested in women and would never violate your trust. When I first styled Fallon, she was nervous, too. That child wanted to hide herself from the world, and now look at her. If you trust Lola more than me, I’ll be okay with it. But honey, you’ll be missing out on what I can do.”

I begin to laugh. I couldn’t help it. He’s funny, and he’s right, I think I can trust him. I raise my hand towards him and watch his stunned face as it turns right around into a happy one with his smile. We shake hands, and I feel no need to flinch.

They leave me with some workout clothes, jeans, shirts, shoes and a couple of matching pairs of undergarments. Tony tells me he’ll be back next week with a couple of racks of clothes for me to try. Fallon escorts them out. Then I sit and wonder, why all the workout clothes?

Catherine comes into my room, asking me to please get ready to leave. She says for me to wear something comfortable. So, I dress in yoga pants and a T-shirt. I meet her in the foyer. She’s dressed casual, but stylish. She might be close to my mother’s age, but you couldn’t tell by looking at her. We walk outside, and my nerves return full force, so much so that I reach out for her hand; to my surprise, she holds it tight and doesn’t let go.

“You can do this, Avery. I’ll be with you the whole time, right by your side.”

She’s right, I have to do this. It’s just another step in my recovery. Each step I take to the car gets a tiny bit easier. Slow, but steady, I tell myself. Once in the car, I let out a long-awaited breath I didn’t even realize I was holding.

“I don’t normally drive myself around these days, but I asked Vin to meet us at the range. I figured it would be hard for you to leave the house or be in a closed vehicle with a man, at least for right now.”

“Thank you, Catherine; I didn’t think of that, but I’m glad you were prepared.” We leave the grounds of the estate and are silent until I ask, “Can I ask you about Vin? Liam told me he wasn’t his brother, but that you raised him.”

“My son must have told you a great deal? Vin is not my biological son, but yes, I raised him and I love him just like he would be one of my boys. There’s not much more to say about it. We all love him, so to us he is family.” Catherine continues to drive but then asks, “Avery, tell me something about Liam.”

“What do you mean? I’m sure you know way more about him than I do.”

She chuckles. “I thought I did, but then I found out about his long-lost love, and now I wonder what else I may not know about him. Tell me what he was like when you two were together.”

I think about it and say, “He was cocky, and he was an asshole.”

Catherine looks right at me and starts laughing out loud. “Well, there’s nothing new there. There must have been something about him you liked. Tell me what attracted you to him.”

“Catherine, I don’t think I want to talk about Liam.”

“Come on, Avery, appease me.”

“Fine. Besides the fact that he was the hottest guy in school, I thought he was untouchable, until one day he wasn’t. You know your son is pushy and can be very persuasive.”

“I do know that about him. He still is. I like that about him.”

“I do, too. I thought for a long time he was the love of my life. When he would talk about where we would live when we were married, I wanted it, so bad.”

Catherine pulls the car to the side of the road puts it in park. She turns to face me. “He talked of marriage? You two wanted to be married?”

I start to get nervous. What is she after with all these questions? It’s no surprise his mother didn’t even know about our relationship.

“Catherine, can we just let it go? It was a long time ago, okay? Liam and I are done.”

“No, I have been more than patient, Avery. Now, I want to know what happened between the two of you.”

She’s not going to give up. I guess I need to get it over with.

“Basically, I was a nobody at school and bullied both there and at home. Liam pursued me. At first, I thought it was a prank. It wasn’t.” I let out a small chuckle and continue. “He would come to my house every single night for a year. We became closer, but he wanted to hide our relationship, saying it was for me; he didn’t want me to be bullied at school for it. And yes, we talked about marriage. Then something happened right before he graduated. He became distant, then he finally told me he had slept with his ex. He begged me to forgive him, but I couldn’t, he broke my heart. So, you see, it was never really anything. How could it be? If he really loved me, he wouldn’t have hidden us and he wouldn’t have cheated on me.”

“Avery, you said you were a virgin when you were kidnapped. How could that be? I mean, I know my son. It doesn’t take him long to…you know.”

“I didn’t lie. I was a virgin. Liam and I—” I blush, and Catherine asks me to go on. “We did other things, if you know what I mean; he was the first boy I ever kissed. I knew he wanted more, and I tried to give myself to him, but he said we were going to wait until we were married. He said I wasn’t like the other girls, and he didn’t want me to think he was using me. I never felt that way for anyone else; no one has made me want more. Only one other boy has ever even kissed me. But I can’t seem to let more happen, even though he pursues me just as strong as Liam did.”

Catherine listened attentively, almost like she was studying me. “You said right before graduation is when he cheated?”

“Yes.”

Catherine puts the car back into drive, and we merge into traffic. She’s in deep thought; I can tell by her expression.

“Avery, you have a boyfriend, you said?”

“No, Phil’s not my boyfriend, although he wants to be. He even goes so far as to tell me he wants to marry me, too. My mother would love him, but I haven’t been able to give my heart to anyone again. Not since Liam.”

“Your mother would love him? Why?”

“His family’s a big deal in Alabama. They’re in banking. That’s why Phil’s still at Harvard; he’s getting his MBA. His father’s going to have him on the fast track with his company.”

“What did you say his name was?”

“It’s Phillip Braun, but I call him Phil. Why?”

“No reason. I just thought we could talk more. So, do you like Phillip?”

“I love him. I just don’t know if I could fall in love with him like I did with—”

“Liam. You were going to say, Liam, weren’t you?”

“Yes.”

That ended our conversation. A few more minutes of driving, and we were at the range. We exited the car, and I realized the parking lot was empty except for one other vehicle. Catherine rented the whole place for me. I know she did.

“Did you rent the whole place, Catherine?”

“Yes, I thought it would be better if we were alone until you become more comfortable. Vin’s here; remember, he will not hurt you.”

I see a large man waiting for us. He must be Vin. Fallon was right; he looks like he is straight out of the military. He’s tall and has a close-shaved head, and his muscles are large. He kind of reminds me of a soldier mixed with an MMA fighter, looking very intimidating. He and Catherine kiss on the cheek, and then he looks at me. He doesn’t try to shake my hand; he just stands there and introduces himself.

“I’m Vin. Catherine wants me to show you how to shoot.”

Straight and to the point. I guess Fallon was right about him, too, when she said he was quiet. She also said he was very loyal.

“I’ve never shot a gun before. I never even held one.”

“It’s all right, you’ll love it.”

Vin walks off further into the range, and Catherine says, “I’m going to shoot with you. I learned over time that shooting helps me with my aggression. When I need to blow off some steam, this is what I do.”

We start to walk and Catherine continues talking. “Long ago, when I used to feel weak, someone showed me how to shoot. I found it gave me a sense of power. Holding a gun, aiming it and pulling the trigger will give you a huge release of pain. You’ll see.”

She walks ahead, and I’m left clueless as to what I’ve gotten myself into. I follow, and Vin starts to show me the gun.

“This is a 9mm semi-automatic Glock. A lot of women like this weapon; it’s light and doesn’t have much of a kickback. There is no safety on this weapon, so be careful. The clip holds seventeen bullets. One thing to remember is it won’t shoot until you rack it.”

He allows me to examine the loaded clip for a moment. He then explains to me how to slide the clip into the gun and even shows me how to rack it.

“When you slide the chamber back, it’s ready to shoot. This is a semi-automatic weapon, and every bullet that’s in the clip will fire for as long as you tap the trigger. Now I need to show you how to stand.”

He removes the clip. He lays the gun and the clip on the counter.

He starts to show me physically how to stand as he describes the motions. “You want to stand flat-footed, widen your legs a little; don’t buckle your knees, you want to stand firm. Now, when you’re holding the weapon, stretch out your arms like this, aim and pull the trigger. Try not to flinch after pulling the trigger. It could cost you your shot. Now, here are your safety ear muffs and eyewear just in case. Also, be careful when the bullets are fired; the shells will fly out, and they’re hot to the touch. Don’t freak out with the weapon in your hand if one hits you by surprise. Now that we’ve covered standing, let’s talk bullets.”

I cannot believe I am standing here with an ex-military man explaining a weapon and how to use it, like I’m in school or something. I never knew there was so much to learn.

He reaches down into his bag and pulls out two boxes of bullets. “These over here are hollow point bullets. When they enter a body, they bounce around, causing more internal damage. This bullet is a regular bullet. See the difference in the tips? There is no indention in this one; it will go straight through unless it gets lodged in a bone. Are you ready to try?”

I nod my head, thinking what the hell, I’ll give it a try. I put on the safety glasses and earmuffs as I walk to where Vin wants me. He hands me the gun, keeping it aimed at the ground. I’m shocked at how it feels in my hand. Vin points to my earmuffs for me to remove them.

“Remember what I said about your stance. And make sure to hold the weapon steady, don’t wave it around. It’s loaded and ready to fire more than one bullet.”

I turn and stand like Vin showed me. As I raise my arms, I see my paper target, I take aim, and shoot.

“Oh my God! Shit!”

I turn from excitement, and Vin grabs my wrist. As I’m about to drop the gun, Vin catches it as I jump back from his touch.

“Shit, I’m sorry, Avery. I didn’t mean to. Look, you can’t turn like that with a loaded weapon, you understand?”

I look over to see Catherine watching, then turn back to Vin. “No, I’m the one who’s sorry. I didn’t listen to what you said, it was dangerous. You just did what you had to. I’ll be better next time.”

“Do you mind if I show you? But I’m going to need to touch you. I promise, Avery, I won’t hurt you.”

I look back at Catherine as she’s waiting for me to decide. Then she nods her head at me, letting me know she wants me to try.

“I’ll try, but I need for you to go slow, and maybe without the gun first, okay?”

He chuckles. “Agreed.”

We turn towards the target, and Vin gets behind me. “My body is going to touch you from behind, is that all right?”

I take a deep breath and exhale. I nod. He moves slowly and then I feel his chest on my back.

“Avery, let me know if this is too much. I need you to breathe.” I didn’t realize I was holding my breath until he mentioned it. I let my breath out and nod my head. “Now stand like I showed you. Good. Okay, I’m going to use my arms to hold yours steady. Are you ready?

“Yes.” No, I’m not, but I know I need to try, and I do trust he won’t hurt me.

“Okay, now allow me to hold your wrist to steady your aim. Good. Now I can feel how tense you are. I need you to try and relax. Remember, I’m not going to hurt you. Take aim and let me know when you’re ready. Once you’re relaxed, pick up the weapon and simulate the same motions for real.”

I do as Vin says. I pick up the gun and try to relax back into his hold. He’s not my rapist, he’s not going to hurt me, over and over I repeat in my mind. I take a deep breath and tell him, “I’m ready.”

“Fire.”

I do. I shoot, and this time I hit the target; not the man-shaped figure, but the paper. Vin eases the gun away from me gently as I excitedly start yelling to Catherine.

“I did it! Catherine, look, I hit the paper.”

I’m beyond thrilled. I can’t believe the intense rush of excitement I feel, and I want more.

“Can I do it again, Vin?”

“It wasn’t too much for you? I mean, with me behind you like that?”

I look at the ground, ashamed that this man saw and knows what happened to me.

“Avery, look at me, don’t feel embarrassed or ashamed. You have nothing to worry about with us. We are all here for you. We won’t do anything you’re not ready for.”

I look back up to him and see his sincerity, I know he means everything he just said.

“I want to try again.”

He gets behind me, and his touch still bothers me, but it’s getting easier as time goes on. We shoot for almost two hours. Halfway through, he lets me try on my own. My aim gets better, and I actually start hitting the man-shaped figure. I love it, Catherine’s right, I feel powerful holding and shooting this gun. I can see wanting to keep coming back.

I look over and notice Catherine’s target; she’s been shooting right along with me. Her aim is right on target. She unloads clip after clip, and they are kill shots. At least that’s what Vin says.

Vin has me reload the gun with a new clip. He wants me to keep going. As I aim and shoot, I picture the senator standing there. I pause and try to shake off his image but I can’t. I start seeing his face playing out in my mind. The way he looked every time he got off on me. I remember his voice every time he called me filthy names or yelled trying to get a reaction out of me. I remember his fist every time he hit me. It all starts racing through my mind playing out every ugly fucking detail. How I wish it was him in front of this gun. I start pulling the trigger repeatedly firing every bullet in the clip.

I’m still pulling the trigger when I feel Vin’s hand lightly fold around my wrists. His other hand removes my earmuffs and he says, “Avery, it’s over. Your gun’s empty, let me have it. He’s not here Avery, he’s gone. I promise you he’s never coming back.”

I look at Vin as I release the gun. I feel a tear sliding down my face then another. “It’s alright Avery.” I nod and take a step back. When I turn around I see Catherine watching me with concern. I nod to her, letting her know I’m okay.

She starts walking towards us carrying her paper targets showing all her perfect shots. It makes me wonder who she pictures as she shoots? I understand now, why she wanted me to come.

We call it a day and head back home. Vin follows us, and I start to feel bad that he had to drive separately.

“Did you have fun today?”

“I did. Thank you, Catherine. I’m sorry I lost it there for a minute.”

“Did you see his face when you pulled the trigger?”

I look up at her because I know what she’s asking. She wants to know if I would kill the senator if I had the chance.

“Yes.”

“Good. Did it help you get some aggression and frustration out? I wanted that feeling for you. I hoped it would give you a feeling of control.”

“I loved it, it’s everything you said. I felt more in control than I have in a long time.”

I paused wondering if I should ask. “Catherine who do you see when you pull the trigger?”

I can tell she’s deliberating whether to tell me or not, so I tell her, “Sorry it’s none of my business.”

She’s still driving, looking straight at the road, then I hear her say, “I see them all.”

I leave it at that because it is really none of my business and she’s not elaborating. The rest of the car ride is silent.

When we arrive at home, Vin meets us at the door. “Avery, would you like to learn how to clean and store the weapon?”

“I would if Catherine’s finished with me for now.”

I look at Catherine, and she tells me to go. I’m not even scared of being alone with Vin. Fallon said I would love him, and I kind of do. He’s been so patient with me. He takes his time and explains every move he makes. I’m still embarrassed at our first introduction, but I know I’ll have to get past it. It’ll take some time, but I feel more alive right now than I have since the kidnapping. I don’t want to ruin it by scurrying into my room.

Vin has Catherine’s gun, and I have the one I shot today. Vin shows me every step on how to clean it. I follow his lead doing everything he does with Catherine’s gun.

“Vin, I’m sorry about earlier today. I like you, and I don’t want it to feel awkward.”

“I like you, too. Please don’t apologize to me again. You didn’t do anything wrong. Catherine has me scheduled to take you back out to the range once a week, but if you need to go sooner, let me know if you don’t mind going without Catherine. Sometimes, shooting takes your mind off everything else. It’s up to you, decide and let me know. It can’t be tomorrow, though; you’ll be with Zander.”

“Zander? Why?”

“He has some skills he’ll be teaching you, just like I did today. Look, he’s a big guy, ugly as shit, too, but he’s nothing for you to worry about. He won’t do anything you don’t want either. I’ll see you later.”

Vin leaves, and I think about tomorrow. What does Catherine have me doing?