I don’t know what he meant. Why does he think keeping me would hurt me? I cry all night. I love him, I do, but for some reason he won’t let me in. Phil will, and now I know without a shadow of a doubt, Liam is my past. No matter what happens between me and Phil, whether we get together or not, Liam is not an option.

The next few days, I don’t see much of Liam. He leaves early and gets home extremely late. Phil and I, however, spend our time with me showing him the city I love. I take him to all the sites and introduce him to our local cuisine. Cajun or creole cooking, whatever you want to call it, is some of the best eating you’ll ever have. Phil sure is enjoying it. The boy hasn’t stopped eating once. I even take him fishing behind my mother’s house. He seems to love it all.

Today, we’re going swimming. Zander meets us, and we are having a blast. Fallon and Catherine even join us outside. Fallon refuses to wear a swimsuit, but she and Catherine watch us from the Veranda. Life is so good that I take a second to thank God I’m alive to experience all the joy I’m having.

While sunbathing, I think about Catherine and how she told me I needed to learn to forgive, but not forget. She’s right, I’m slowly learning to forgive myself for all the years I allowed myself to be verbally abused. I’m not forgetting about it. But I learned it made me stronger in ways. Because today I would never let anyone treat me like that. I even start to forgive myself for giving up on life. All I knew back then was verbal abuse and then the pain of being raped and tortured. I gave up wanting to live. But it was my coping mechanism. It was the only way I saw out of the situation, was to beg to die.

Again, I’m slowly learning that forgiveness gives me life, it gives me reassurances that I can do anything. Now I need to learn to forgive Liam, not for what happened the other night, but for years ago. There’s no reason to forgive him for the other night because I wanted him just as bad as he wanted me. The only reason I stopped it was because I could feel the ownership. He just wanted to own and possess me so Phil wouldn’t. I couldn’t let that happen. But still, I haven’t been able to stop thinking about him. Maybe if I forgive him for the other stuff, it will help me to get past it. That one is going to take a little longer.

My thoughts are interrupted when I hear Zander yell out for Liam. I quickly look over and see him standing by his mother and Fallon. He’s wearing his business suit and looks lost. He looks my way and then heads inside, ignoring Zander’s call. But Zander’s not having it. He gets out of the pool and runs inside, bypassing Catherine and Fallon on his way to his brother.

* * *

I watch for a little while before making my appearance known. Avery is having so much fun with Phil. I hate it, I hate every smile he brings to her face. I watch as she gets out the pool now and lies back. Then I notice the bastard watching her sunbathe.

My mom spots me and calls me outside. I open the door and talk with them a few minutes. They ask about my day and if I’m staying. I couldn’t work anymore today, I can’t concentrate on my work, so Gabriel told me to leave. I came home thinking Avery and Phil wouldn’t be here. I thought wrong. I lie and tell Mom there isn’t much to do. I tell her I’m not sure what I would be doing later. I even mention I might have a date for the night. She does not look happy about that. I don’t know why, though. She has no clue about Avery and me, so I don’t see why she would care.

Zander yells out toward me, and I see Avery finally take notice that I’m here. Without wanting to interrupt her day, I ignore Zander and retreat back into the house.

Once inside, I fix a drink, and then Zander enters. “Hey man, you want a drink? I was just fixing one?”

Zander gives me a baffled look. “No, I don’t want a drink. I want to know where you’ve been?”

“At work, Zander. You might have all the free time in the world, but Gabriel and I work every day.”

“Bullshit, Liam. I’ve been to work. You haven’t been there the whole time. Gabriel says you’ve been flaking on the job. He says you show up but don’t work, so you leave. Where have you been going?”

He’s right, I have been missing a lot of work. I’ve been going to my house and drowning myself in booze. Before I have to come home to Avery and Phil.

“That’s none of your business, Zander. I’m here now, what do you want?”

“Nothing, man. I just wanted to make sure you were all right. I see you’ve given up on Avery and gave her to Phil.”

I chuckle. “Oh yeah, I gave her to Phil. I don’t own her, Zander. I didn’t give her away to anyone.”

“Really, Liam? You’re full of shit if you think that. That woman out there could and would have been yours if you admitted everything to her. But you didn’t, so the way I look at it, you gave her to him. On a silver fucking platter. But Liam, I agree with you. You did do what was best for her. Phil is a standup guy. I like him, and he treats Avery very good. Constantly loving on her. They were made for each other. He will make a fine husband for Avery and a good father for all those babies they will pop out.”

I punch my brother as hard as I can. Then I punch him again. Zander’s a big man. He stumbles but doesn’t fall. But I don’t care; I keep on hitting him.

“Stop right now! Liam, enough!” Mom shouts, getting my attention.

I look back at my brother. He provoked me to hit him, but he never hit me back. Why would he do that?

“Liam, follow me now!”

I hesitate to look at Zander rubbing the side of his face. I’m trying to figure out why he wanted me to hit him. Then it hits me harder than I hit him. He wanted Mom to see me like this. That son-of-a-bitch. He smiles at me as Mom yells again.

“Liam, now boy! Don’t make me say it again. Get your ass in my office!”