CHAPTER SIXTEEN
Allison
What could I say? I was overwhelmed and thrown off by the story he had just told me. I knew he was a tortured soul, that much was obvious, but I never in my wildest thoughts could have imagined that.
The past week had been hard. When I’d first told him my past and how I’d come to be here, he shut down. The look that came over his face almost made me cry. No, not almost. It did, only I was able to hold it in until he left. Which he did, like right after I’d spilled my guts and told him the hardest things anyone should ever have to go through. He looked sick. Disgusted. Repulsed. Like he couldn’t even be around me anymore.
I knew once I told him, he wouldn’t look at me the same. He would no longer hold that heated look in his beautiful eyes when he took me in.
I think that was what hurt the most. The first real person to show me that I was desirable, to give me some sort of hope at a normal life, and I ripped it all away with stories of things that I had no choice in.
I was actually surprised when he did come back, though. I thought for sure he would send someone else to fill his place.
He’d spent the entire week cold and distant. Not that I could blame him. He didn’t try to corner me or practically own me with his stare. In fact, I could count on one hand the number of times he did actually meet my eyes. Sad and pathetic as it may have been, I just wanted him to wrap me in his arms and tell me that it would all be alright. I wanted him to tell me that I was beautiful and strong, all the things I strived to be but knew I never was.
Then all those boxes came and my mind was in a damn tailspin. He did this, I knew it in my heart. Sure, he might not have gone out and gotten the stuff or even sat down and ordered it, but he had a hand in it. I had no doubt that it was all his idea.
But when I reached out and touched him, trying to let him know how much it all meant to me, he pulled away like I’d poured acid on him. I wasn’t surprised when he walked out the door, again.
At first, I panicked when I woke and found Neiryn gone. I was about to go running through the house in search of him, but as I jumped out of bed, I heard Axe and Neiryn down the hall. I stood there, surrounded by the darkness of my room, listening for the longest time. But that didn’t compare to the sight of walking up on them. It broke my heart in the sweetest way. There was Axe—this scary, monotone, emotionally strange man sitting with my son building a crib, not only for him but with him.
Fuck! It got me.
I’d always longed for a normal life for Neiryn. A man he could look up to. One that would take time out of his day to sit down with him to simply hang out. A man that thought about him, even if it was for no reason at all. I didn’t want to have hope fluttering around in my chest, but it was there.
And then we were there in the kitchen. I was still reeling from the things he’d told me. I needed a moment to process it all, but he moved his body close to mine and I couldn’t think of anything but giving myself to him.
He wanted to know everything and as much as I had tried to hide it, he was letting me know I wasn’t doing a good job. The thing was, I couldn’t.
“I told you,” I said answering his question after too long of a pause. I gripped the cup in my hand, the coffee having long turned cold. Without looking down, I knew my knuckles had turned white.
He gripped the cup and pulled it out of my hand. It was the one thing that I had as a barrier between us, with it gone, I wasn’t sure what would happen. He leaned down, his hands planting themselves on the counter beside my butt, caging me in and filling my nose with his irresistible scent.
“You said you trust me. Then trust me to help you. I need to know everything.” His mouth was so close to mine it was as if I was breathing in his words as he spoke. I gave my head a little shake, trying to force myself to focus. “Who are you protecting?”
My head dipped down. My son. Always. That was who I would always protect with my life if I had to.
His finger hooked as he brought it under my chin. His touch was forceful but not rough as he pushed my head up and forced me to look into his eyes again.
“I-I can’t,” I sputtered in a whisper, the tears filled up my eyes and I tried my hardest not to let them fall. “You won’t look at me the same after.”
Not that it could get any worse. But the way he was looking at me right then reminded me of the first time he’d actually turned his attention to me. There was a fire there and I knew it was burning hot for me. I didn’t want to lose that again.
My tongue darted out to lick my bottom lip. I hadn’t even realized that I’d done it until his eyes jerked down to my lips at the movement. His hands moved to the side of my face and he traced the line of my jaw with his pointer finger. My body sagged into him and I couldn’t have even resisted if I’d tried.
“Nothing you could tell me will make me want you less,” he said against my lips before he finally captured them with his.
I hesitated only because I was taken off guard. Then I was pushing into him, kissing him like I’d never kissed anyone before. And well, that was because I hadn’t. This was my first real kiss.
Holy Fuck!
Was the timing a bit messed up? Yeah, sure. But if you really thought about it, we were both pretty screwed up. It should have been no surprise that this was the perfect moment for this.
His lips were soft as they bounced off of mine. His tongue licked the seam of my mouth and I automatically let him in. When my lips parted, he didn’t hesitate to claim my mouth. His tongue slipped in, searching for mine. The kiss that had started out sweet and tender quickly turned into a heated, desperate need to get closer to one another.
My legs wrapped around his waist, pulling him into my core. I felt his huge, thick bulge pressing against the confinement of his jeans. One of his hand slid into my hair, his fingers coiling in the strands. His other hand gripped my hip, trying to hold it in place. That was when I’d realized I’d been rocking against him trying to relieve the tingling between my legs. I couldn’t deny I was wet. Matter of fact, I was pretty sure I’d soaked through my panties and onto my sleep shorts. A whimper escaped my throat and he swallowed it down.
His hand made its way around my back and up my shirt. I felt him grazed over my scars and I flinched. I knew he sensed it because he suddenly pulled back. I shook his hand off and he let me.
To my disappointment, he took a step back and blew out a harsh breath as his hand brushed frantically back and forth through his hair.
Way to ruin the moment.
Before I could see further rejection in his eyes, I hopped down and put my hand on his chest as if I was pushing him away.
“Talk to me,” he said and his tone was oddly soft. I didn’t know what to do with that.
For the most part, he was flat. The more time he spent around me the more I had heard it waver from time to time. I wanted to know if that was normal for him or if it was only with me. The urge to ask bubbled up and it took all my strength to not open my mouth to do so.
“I should go back to bed,” I stupidly said then I sidestepped him and all but ran up the stairs.