CHAPTER NINE
Axe
I could tell she was doing the best she could, but she didn’t have shit.
She didn’t have a highchair for Lil man, so she had to hold him on her lap while he ate, which gave him the freedom to squirm around and half his oatmeal ended up in her hair and on her shirt. He didn’t have a real bed or a space to call his own. And while he had a few toys, I didn’t think it was nearly enough. It was obvious that she’d come here with next to nothing. I imagined that she only had stuff that she was able to pack in her car.
Instead of doing my hardest to sit her down and find out everything, I was too busy worrying about how I could fill this place with the shit she needed. And maybe even stuff that she wanted.
“I’m going to go shower,” she said after she cleaned Neiryn off.
“That’s probably a good idea.” I chuckled as I walked over to her and picked a clump of oatmeal out of her hair.
“Life of a parent,” she said shaking it off. “Do you, uh, mind watching him?”
“Not at all.” My body drifted closer to her without me even realizing it.
She looked up at me with wide eyes. Her feet shuffled back as I continued to move closer to her. Her back hit the refrigerator but she didn’t take her eyes off of mine. I wrapped my hands around the top of the fridge as I leaned down to get into her personal space. Her breath hitched and I smirked. My head ducked and I ran my nose up the side of her neck. Her head tilted back stretching that beautiful column tight. She smelled so good, I wanted to bury myself in her scent every second of every day.
“You trust me?” I whispered into her ear.
Knowing Neiryn was nearby, I knew I wasn’t going to do anything crazy. I was smart enough to get that there were certain things kids didn’t need to see or hear. And while I loved the slight tremble in her body and the tiny bit of uncertainty wafting off of her, I was going to do my best to hold back. Truth be told, I liked seeing her on the edge. I liked throwing her off just the smallest amount.
“I don’t really have much of a choice, do I?” she said after she cleared her throat and was able to regain some of her strength.
“You always have a choice, babe,” I said, nipping at the tender flesh right below her ear.
“This is just…” Her words trailed off as I ran my tongue along her jawline.
I wanted to lick every inch of her. I wanted to bite her, suck her, fucking mark her in any way that I could.
Images of her down on her knees danced in my head, my hands gripping her hair, shoving my cock so far down her throat that tears spilled from those pretty eyes. Then her with her amazing ass in the air, her shoulders pressed to the bed, as I fucked her hard from behind. I could almost feel how tight her pussy would clamp around my cock as she came all over me.
Shit. I had to stop. I was starting to think that being there was the worst idea and maybe I should remove myself from the situation. Only, I knew I was never going to do that. So instead, I was just going to have to reign that shit in and keep a cool head.
“Do you trust me?” I asked again because I wanted to know the answer and I wanted that answer to be yes. A real, honest yes.
I pulled back to look into her eyes.
“Okay,” she whispered breathlessly, her eyes were heavy and I wondered if she had read my damn thoughts.
It wasn’t a definite yes but I felt like I was getting closer to it. She would trust me, one day soon.
My hand moved down and splayed over her chest right above her breasts. Under my palm, I felt her chest rise and fall with short, choppy breaths. Her nipples were hard peaks sticking out under her shirt.
“Go take a shower.” I stepped back, reluctant to let her go but knowing it was for the best.
I joined Neiryn in the living room, where he sat on the floor playing with some toys. His big eyes looked up at me and a huge smile broke across his face.
“Pay,” he said holding out a big, plastic car to me.
And so I played, making all kinds of vroom noises. He mimicked me as he tried to ram his car into mine. His laughter was infectious and I found myself laughing along with him.
Not even five minutes later, he decided he was done with the cars. He crawled into my lap and rested his head against my chest. I held him as I moved to sit on the couch. As my head hit the back of the cushions and I let out a long breath. I swear not even seconds later, he was out like a light, his little snores filling the silent as fuck room. My hand rested on his back and I felt my eyes growing heavy. Before I knew it, I was out too.
“Yer just as worthless as yer whore of a mother!”
The bottle flies across the room as soon as I walk in the door. I don’t exactly love school, but anywhere is better than being here.
On instinct, I duck, the bottle just barely missing my head and smashing against the wall beside me, the glass shattering and bouncing back to hit me. It feels like little needles pricking me, but I shake it off. I know if I respond it will only get worse.
I have no idea what he’s going on about, but I’m used to it by now. I simply can’t ever do anything right. And my mom is apparently a whore because she’s gone most of the time, holding down two jobs just to keep a roof over our head and, well, booze in my father’s system. I’m not old enough to really know what a whore is, but I’m smart enough to pick up it’s not something nice.
I was born worthless according to my father and he loves to remind me what he thinks of me every day. Years of hearing it over and over again has cracked my soul and I can no longer hold my head up and believe I’m anything else.
“Where the hell you been, boy?! The kitchen is a fuckin’ mess and yer ass should have cleaned it.”
I don’t even bother telling him that I was at school, it won’t do any good.
I shuffle into the house, heading to my room to put my stuff away. My book bag is full of books that makes it feel like it weighs a ton. The straps dig into my bony shoulders the entire way home, and by the time I finally make the long walk here, I feel like my whole body is bruised.
“You hear me, you little shit?”
I want to grit my teeth. I want to scream at him and tell him how much I hate him. But instead, I hold back my anger and answer him.
“Yes, sir,” I say and my tone holds not an ounce of the anger I feel making my blood boil on the inside.
I learned a long time ago that it isn’t the words you say, it’s the tone they are said in. So now, everything comes out like a dead voice and I hold my emotions tight on the inside.
Before I can make it to my room, I hear the creaking of his chair as he gets up and I know I’ve messed up somehow. The sound of his belt buckle being released follows suit. I want nothing more to hide but I’ve learned that there is nowhere that is safe.
“You answer me the first time. You get that?”
His hand wraps around my arm and he jerks me back to the living room. I hold back my cry as the pain radiates down my arm. He shoves me head-first into the couch. I screw my eyes closed tight because I know what’s coming next and I pray that I’ll still be able to clean the kitchen after it’s all over.
My eyes snapped open and I took a slow look around. I was not in my childhood home. My father wasn’t in the room with me.
I felt a strange weight on my chest and looked down to find a still asleep Neiryn on my chest. I lifted my hand and stroked his hair as I tried to stop my body from trembling.
My head fell back against the cushion and I let out a long breath. Footfalls on the stairs caught my attention and I turned my head to look over. Allison took the last step and stopped dead in her tracks. Her eyes softened at the sight and I wanted nothing more than to push the bad shit out of my head. I wished it was that simple, but after years of trying to lose my past, I knew it would always be a part of me.
As her eyes met mine, her brows pinched together in concern.
“You alright?” she asked as she took a tentative step in my direction.
My chest felt tight and I needed to get out of there. I needed a smoke and some air. I couldn’t believe how long I’d been without one, but for some reason, I hadn’t had the urge for one until that moment.
“Yeah,” I shifted the sleeping boy off of me, making sure he was safely situated on the couch, then stood up. “I gotta go.”
I bolted to the door, thankful that I had my shoes on.
Seeing a prospect across the street, I waved him over. He jogged up to me and I appreciated he didn’t take his time.
“Stay here, don’t bother the woman or the kid, but make sure they don’t go anywhere,” I said moving out of the open doorway.
He gave a short nod and like the world’s biggest glutton for punishment, I turned my head to look at Allison. Her hands were clasped in front of her stomach and I could tell by the look on her face that she was confused and maybe a tiny bit hurt.
“I’ll be back,” I said like an idiot. I didn’t wait to see how my words changed her posture. I couldn’t take it any longer.
So, I went to the clubhouse and hid like a pussy. I mean, first I talked to Cal because there was no way that I could be there and him not know about it. Then I went into my room and played bitch.
Cal didn’t have much to say but then again, I didn’t really have much to tell. I knew my answerers disappointed him and I fucking hated that. He knew not to push me though, and I promised I’d get him something by tomorrow.
I flopped down on my bed, I was tired but I knew sleep wouldn’t come. I wanted to head outside but I didn’t have time to get lost like I needed to.
As my eyes drifted closed, I found myself thinking of Allison. Remembering how she moaned as my fingers fucked her had me hard in seconds. My balls ached for release and figuring since I was alone, I might as well.
I unzipped my pants and pushed the band of my boxer briefs down, my dick instantly sprang to freedom. Imagining what it would be to kiss her lips, I tugged at my hard length. Then I let myself go in the fantasy. That was the point, after all.
In my mind, her body was my plaything. She let me do whatever I wanted and even better, she loved the shit out of it. I gripped my cock harder thinking about how I’d take her by surprise.
I pictured myself coming up behind her and pushing her body into the wall. She’d yelp in shock, taken completely off guard and I’d fucking love it. Wanting her to be at my mercy, I’d pull her arms above her head and tell her to keep her palms flat against the wall. I’d let her know that if she moved them, I would stop. I imagined how her ass would push towards me, letting me know how badly she wanted it, but she’d be a good girl and not move her hands.
I could almost hear her moans in my ear as I pictured ripping her pants down her legs and leaving them piled around her ankles. ‘Please’ she would beg me. Without warning, I would push myself inside her tight pussy and I’d love how drenched she would be for me. I’d fuck her, with a ferocity that would have her hips banging against the wall.
My hand picked up speed as the images unfolded in my mind.
Her head would fall back as I wrapped my fist around those silky strands. But it wouldn’t be enough. I could almost feel myself pulling until she moaned and I knew she was feeling the sting of the roots threatening to be ripped out. ‘You like being fucked like a dirty whore?’ I’d growl in her ear. And she’d love every second of it.
I felt my balls pull up and I knew I was about to cum.
I imagined what it would be like to clamp my mouth on her shoulder, my teeth sinking into her delicate skin. And how she would howl from the pain but her body wouldn’t stop rocking against mine.
“Shit!” I said as my dick decided it was done, my release splattering all over my shirt.
Damn. I should have felt wrong about it, but I didn’t. Nope, instead, I wanted more than anything to make that fantasy a reality. I wanted to see how far I could push her until she completely broke for me. I wanted her to bend to me in every way and when she thought she’d seen the darkest part of me, I wanted to prove her wrong.
Jacking off should have relieved the tension in my shoulders but it didn’t. I knew I was going to have to get back there and the thought of how I was going to have to make her talk only made me tense more about the whole situation.
After I took a shower, I tossed some clean clothes in a bag. I wasn’t sure how long I’d be sleeping on her couch, but I was going to be prepared to be there for a good fucking while if need be. Cal had said Tank would be back soon and I dreaded the meeting that would be coming up.
I was glad he was coming back. It was strange to admit, but I felt off without the guy around. He was the total opposite of me in every way. He was huge while I was just a hair above average. He was built solid and thick, while I had the faint outlines of a six-pack. He was light and fun…well, he was before all this shit went down. And I was dark and reserved.
Not that I was as removed from people as much as Diesel was. That dude usually only talked if he had to, although, with Ellie now in his life, he seemed more relaxed and human.
I ran into Tank as I was leaving. I was glad to see him, but my mind was all kinds of messed up. I hoped he didn’t think I was brushing him off. Knowing him though, I figured he got that there was something going on with me. He was the down to earth one, that person anyone could go to for advice. But right then, I had no idea what kind of advice I was looking for. So, while I sort of hinted at what the hell was going on with me, I didn’t really go too deep into it.
I tried my best to not be angry for him. The shit that Savage had put him through gutted me. The death of Grass cut me to the core, but the loss of my friend that was still alive was like a million little demons tearing apart my soul.
He told me that Killer was gone and I ached for him. You could see how much he cared about her and even though he was doing his best to put up a front, it still hurt him deeply.
I decided then, that I wouldn’t burden him with my problems. Inhaling a deep breath of smoke, loving the way it burned, I gave a quick reason to exit. Besides, he had shit to talk about with Cal and it wouldn’t have been a good idea to keep him from that.