CHAPTER NINETEEN
Allison
I was a wreck on the inside. I was in their clubhouse, sitting with a scary looking man, his old lady, and an obvious clubwhore.
Not that I was judging. But I couldn’t deny the pang I felt in my chest when she leaned up and planted a kiss on Axe’s cheek. I wanted to not like her, but she was actually really nice to me, so I couldn’t.
I could tell that Ellie and Jessica were doing their best to make me feel welcomed and it may have thrown me off kilter a little. I hadn’t had much interaction with people over the last seven years, so for the most part, I just felt awkward as I tried to partake in their conversation.
I had no idea what was going to happen and as we stood in front of the big man’s office, I wanted to throw up and run screaming all at the same time. I wondered if I would make it out alive. Not that I really thought that they would kill me, I mean, it was a possibility with all that Savage had done to them. I would have completely understood it.
Well, here goes nothing.
I sat and the big man with a Buddha-like belly and long gray beard pierced me with his stare. I did my best to hold my head up high and keep my back straight without coming off as disrespectful.
“So you’re the fucker’s wife?” I nodded even though I felt like it wasn’t really a question. “So, what is it that you need to tell me to convince me not to kill you?”
All the blood drained from my face. I could feel it. I was light headed and I gripped the arm of the chair hard as my body swayed. I took in a deep breath, regaining my wits, and told him my long, horrible, cringe-worthy story. I did my best not to leave anything out.
I could feel myself shutting down and my eyes glazing over as I relived the last seven years of my life. I told him how I would be chained to a bed for days on end. How I was kept locked up in a house. How I was expected to be ready for him at all times.
As I went over all the ways Savage had of torturing me I could feel the rage coming off of Axe. He was trying his hardest to stay calm but out of the corner of my eye, I could see his body twitching. I did my best to ignore it but inside I felt like I was slowly suffocating to death. Whatever we had—or could have had, was wrecked now because I was a ruined, fucked up mess and I knew that no one would want to deal with the baggage that came with me. No one could love someone like me.
Tears made their way out of my eyes as I continued on but I wasn’t sobbing.
I went on about the kinds of punishments he had for me if I ever did something wrong or wasn’t ready when I should have been. I talked about how I had gotten pregnant with Neiryn and while I hated to bring a child into that dark world, it was almost a relief because Savage no longer touched me, though the beatings continued after Neiryn was born.
Then I explained almost everything about my escape. I left one tiny detail out. I didn’t tell them about Burke. I couldn’t blow his cover.
When I was done, I took in a shaky breath. Axe surprised me when he slipped his hand into mine, and I flinched only because it was unexpected. Hoping to reassure him, I gave his hand a little squeeze.
Cal gave me a hard look as he watched me for what seemed like hours. The silence was thick and I grew more tense the longer it stretched on. The flimsy desk creaked as he leaned his arms against the edge.
“Take her to the house. Get her outta here. Not a word about any of this to anyone else.” His eyes gave nothing away to what he might have been thinking. Axe nodded as he stood, pulling me up along with him. “I need time to think. Church at seven tonight. Gonna have to share this with the other chapters.”
“I’m sorry,” I added for good measure. “I don’t want to be the cause of any trouble. I didn’t want you to find out so you couldn’t be held accountable for my actions.” I stood tall as I talked directly to Cal, hoping that he would understand that I meant what I’d said.
“Well, you see, sweetheart,” Cal said and there was clear amusement dancing in his tone. Did it make me relax a small bit? Yes. Did I know better than to do so? Yes, to that too. “He’s makin’ you his problem. He’s my boy, means you become my problem, and that means you become the club’s problem. You see how this all works out?”
There was a little twinkle in his eye as he looked over to Axe, almost like he held a sense of pride and acknowledgment in his look. I wasn’t about to ask what any of it meant, but I had a huge feeling Cal was, in a sense, giving Axe his approval or something, but I had no idea what for. He gave Axe a curt nod and then we were headed for the door.
“Son,” Cal called after I’d stepped through the door. Behind me, I felt Axe turn to face the president once again. “Think long and hard about what you’re gonna do. It’s a big thing to claim another man’s woman. Wanted or not, she’s got his mark on her.”
Axe gave a pensive nod and before I could try and figure out what the hell was going on between the two of them, we were headed back to the kitchen. After grabbing Neiryn and giving a short goodbye to Ellie and Jessica, we were out the door.
Back at the house, we carried on like it was a normal day. Only this time he was different. Just like before, he didn’t crowd my space, but his eyes were on me the entire time. And every time I looked over at him his lips would tip up in the sweetest almost smile. His eyes held a new lightness when he met my gaze. Though there were some moments that I caught him staring at the wall, his eyes unfocused as if he was lost in thought.
At one point, I was reading Neiryn a story on the couch. His steps were silent as he approached, but I could feel him. I could always feel him.
Without a word, he leaned down, cradled the side of my head with one hand as his lips grazed my hairline. The simple, sweet kiss was quick but hit me in a big way. He wasn’t distancing himself like I had expected, in fact, since he’d walked out of that office, he seemed to be more affectionate and less guarded. He felt something for me, that much I could tell, but now it was like he’d just let go of all the things that had been holding him back. For the first time ever, I felt cherished.
Then he was gone, up the stairs and into the spare room. I could only assume he was finishing up the crib that he’d gotten. I still couldn’t believe all that he had done for me. But I knew it was all too good to be true. They had a club meeting in a few hours and I had a feeling that my fate would be determined there. I was antsy, on edge, and scared. I did my best to hide it, but it clouded my head to the point I couldn’t think straight.
Neiryn’s eyes grew heavy and I walked upstairs to put him down. I checked in the spare room, curious to see if the crib was done. Axe was just tossing down the mattress when I walked into the room. Neiryn had already fallen asleep, his head resting heavy on my shoulder. Axe turned to me and a rare smile graced his face. It almost had a boyish charm to it. I couldn’t help but smile back as my silly heart threatened to beat out of my chest.
Without a word, he crossed the room and gently lifted Neiryn out of my arms. I melted as I watched Axe carefully lower him down into his new bed.
Damn. I didn’t have the first clue about love, and I wasn’t saying that this was it. But I had a feeling if I spent much more time around this man, I knew I would hand over my heart without a moment of hesitation. Maybe I already had and I was standing there, deep in denial.
I whispered ‘thank you’ as we stood there shoulder to shoulder watching a peaceful Neiryn sleep. We were almost touching and I felt butterflies in my stomach as his arm brushed mine. He seemed lost in thought and after a moment he gave his head a little shake.
“I’m going to take a shower, then I’ll make us dinner,” I said barely above a whisper.
He kept his eyes on my sleeping son as he gave me a short nod. Trying my best to push the insecurities out of my head, I set off to do what I’d said.
The water felt good as the hot spray hit my skin. I lathered up my body, the sweet cranberry and sugar scent filled the air, and my eyes were trained on the suds as they circled the drain.
I must have been so lost in thought that I didn’t hear the bathroom door open, or the rustling of clothes being removed, or the heavy breathing of another person. It wasn’t until the curtain slid open slowly, almost as if he didn’t want to scare me, and his naked form stepped in that I realized he was there. I turned immediately and locked my eyes onto his. Both of our chests rose and fell heavily but neither of us moved.
I was self-conscious of everything. The scars and burn marks that decorated my body. The stretched out skin from being pregnant. My sagging boobs even though they weren’t that big to begin with. The birthmark that I had right next to my right hipbone.
As his eyes roamed all over my body the only thing I could see flickering behind his gaze was desire and appreciation.
“I want to kiss you,” he said low and almost dangerous.
I wanted his lips on mine so bad I could almost feel them there already. He hesitated and my brows knitted in confusion. He stepped closer, closing the distance between us and my breath hitched in my chest.
“I want to kiss you,” he repeated and it was then that I realized he was waiting for my approval and acceptance.
“Please,” I said, my voice shaky but only because I was desperately needy for him to touch me.
“Fuck,” he breathed out before his hands gently grabbed my face and his lips were suddenly on mine.
The kiss was slow and almost methodical. I got the sense that he was trying to hold himself back and I didn’t want that. I pushed up on my toes, my mouth molding harder into his. I sucked on his bottom lip and nibbled ever so slightly, showing him what I wanted in return. His hands tightened on my face and he released a deep groan.
In the blink of an eye, he swung me around and as my back hit the cool tiled wall, a shiver ran down my spine. My fingers dug into his hips as I pulled him closer, his thick erection becoming trapped between us.
“Allison,” he whispered as he nipped and sucked down my neck. “I want you so bad.”
“Yes,” was all I could say in my lust-filled haze.
“There are things I want to do to you. Things I crave. It ain’t right,” he said as he pulled back to look at me. There was a darkness in his eyes but I didn’t shrink away. “In the daytime, you smile at that little boy and then he smiles at me and part of me fuckin’ melts away. Then you look at me with the same tender look that you give to him and I don’t know what to do with it. I want to be apart of that.”
He paused and suddenly his hands were wrapped around my wrists and my hands were pinned to the wall above my head. It should have scared me but it didn’t because I knew that he would never do anything to hurt me.
“But then night comes and all the darkness seeps back out. And I try to stop it but I’m afraid that I won’t be able to and I’ll end up hurting you. All I want to do is pull you into it and have it consume you. Not because I want to break you, but because I want you to be a part of it. I want you to understand that part of me. But I won’t. I can’t. Because there are just some places you don’t come back from.”
His words rocked me to the core. I was trembling but I had no idea why. His hand dug further into the hold on my wrist as if he was trying to prove some sort of point.
“I won’t fight. I won’t ever fight you,” I said, unblinking as I looked into his eyes.
“No, you fight. You always fucking fight.”
His tone was tipping on the verge of angry and I wondered if it was only me that could push him to that. But then again, maybe I didn’t want to know. I had a feeling that his words were meant to extend far beyond this moment.
“You don’t feel comfortable, then you say it. You don’t like something, you let that shit be known. You feel scared, you fucking fight.”
I swallowed hard, understanding his every word. Over the years, I’d lost my fight. It turned out that it was useless and so I didn’t even try. But he didn’t want that for me ever again. His words bounced around in my head, repeating over and over again.
“I want you,” I said confidently.
“I want to make you mine. I want to mark you. Fucking own you. Don’t you see…” he licked his bottom lip, his eyes turning a bit sad, “that just isn’t right. Not for you.”
I pushed against his hold and he was quick to release me. His arms pressed into the wall beside my head, his elbows locked like he was doing his best to keep himself away from me. I lightly kissed his lips, then trailed a line of feather-soft kisses down his throat. I continued my way down, my knees bending to lower my body as I did.
“Allison,” he growled in warning, but I kept going.
I kissed down his lightly sculpted abs and over the thick line of hair below his belly button.
My hand wrapped around his thick, hard shaft and I began to stroke him. My eyes peeked up through my lashes to take in the half-pained, half-pleasured look on his face. To my surprise, his eyes were heavy but he was still looking down at me.
I licked the bead of precum that had gathered at the tip before I engulfed him in the warm wetness of my mouth. I moaned at the first taste of him and my eyes fluttered as if they wanted to close. But I didn’t let them, I wanted to watch him the entire time.
“Fuck, fuck, fuck,” he panted out, and I could see his arms vibrating against their hold.
I worked him up and down, each time taking him in until my nose brushed the skin at the base of his cock.
“Shit. Allison, fuck, that feels so good,” he said with a bit of airiness in his tone. I smiled around his cock and kept going.
Without warning, I ripped my mouth away and his hard cock bobbed in front of my face. I tilted my head up to him and smiled. Then I leaned back, pressing my back straight against the wall.
“Take me, Axe,” I breathed out. “Give me everything you’ve got. Own my fucking mouth.”
I may have been hugely shocked at the words that flew out of my mouth but I did my best to play it off. I needed my confidence to shine right then. There was no doubt that I knew what I was doing—what I was asking for—and I for damn sure wanted it all.
His head shook slightly, almost as if it was more of a tremble rather than a shake. I didn’t give him a second to hesitate any longer. I opened my mouth, stuck my tongue out, then reached around and pulled his body towards me, his dick lining up perfectly where I wanted it.
That was all it took. I dropped my hands, placing my palms flat against the wall beside my ass. I watched his stomach muscles tense as he started slowly thrusting in and out of my mouth. Each thrust became rougher as though he was fighting to keep his resistance. I waited, knowing it was a thread-break away.
His heavy breaths filled the air around us, the sound of the shower spray adding to the intensity. His pace faltered for a second and then he was owning me. At least my mouth anyway. His hand slapped down on the top of my head and his fingers gripped the wet strands tightly. It didn’t hurt, if anything it turned me on even more.
He was fucking my mouth. Powerful thrusts pushed into my mouth and I took him all the way down. My saliva coated his cock and dripped down my chin.
“Fuck, baby,” he panted out as I felt him pulse and swell. I knew it wouldn’t be long now. “I’m gonna cum,” he said like a warning.
My hands moved up and the loud slap rang through the air as I plastered them on his tight ass. I wanted to taste him, to swallow all of him down. He tried to pull back, but I wouldn’t let him. My nails dug into his skin, scratching his flesh as I kept him from retreating.
I looked up and his head fell back. He let out a low, sexy, groan to the ceiling as his release shot into my mouth. He pushed his way inside of me and held himself there. My throat worked as I swallowed every last drop.
His deflating cock ripped from my mouth as he sank to his knees in front of me. He wasted no time pulling my mouth to his. His tongue moved in and danced with mine.
His hands ghosted over the inside of my parted thighs. I felt his fingers brush over my entrance and I knew he could feel that I was dripping wet.
“No,” I said breaking the kiss and shaking my head.
His head tilted and he looked at me with clear confusion on his face as he pulled his hand back quickly.
“Not yet. Just let me enjoy this,” I said then kissed him again.
“Wait? You enjoy this? You know that makes no sense to me, right?” he asked after we broke apart, a light chuckle vibrated his chest.
A giggle bubbled up my throat and escaped my mouth. His eyes widened and so did mine. I actually giggled. I struggled to remember the last time I’d done that.
“You are so beautiful,” he told me with no hesitation or regret in his voice. I smiled at him and right then my heart felt as if it was too warm inside of my chest. “Shit!” he barked, jumping up and immediately flicking off the now freezing water.
“Well, guess it’s a good thing I was done washing,” I said jokingly.
I made dinner like it had been any other night. All three of us ate together and the air was strangely peaceful and calm. He asked me to trust him, so that was what I was going to have to do. I was going to put my faith in the man that I had yet to figure out completely.
I was giving Neiryn a bath, when Axe walked in, kissed me on the head, and gave me a silent goodbye. I watched as he walked out of the bathroom and headed down the stairs. Dread filled my gut with every step he took.
I would know my fate soon enough.