Chapter 19
Tanner
Getting drunk was fun, waking up Sunday with a massive hangover was definitely not fun. My body did not recover from the liquor like it used to. I groaned, hearing Dean up in the other room. I wasn’t sure what he was doing, but he was all over the place. The light shining in around the blinds on my windows was painful, and my head felt like it had its own damn heartbeat. I looked down at my phone and growled, remembering the conversation I had the night before with Ava. We were both really wasted and couldn’t help but flirt with each other. I was just glad that phone call came after I had shut myself in my room, too drunk to really function any longer. Dean decided after that first bar that he needed a day when he didn’t have to be responsible for anything. He was ready to take it back to our college days, the only problem being the fact that we were old dudes, and our bodies were definitely not used to consuming that much alcohol. I was pretty sure Dean had thrown up in an alley off of Fourteenth and proceeded to then whoop and holler the entire walk back to the apartment. Why we didn’t grab a cab, I will never actually figure out.
I sat up in bed slowly, every inch giving me a new reason not to ever drink again. The shots at the last three places had sent me over the edge. I’d tried to drink slowly, knowing that Dean really gave no fucks, but after the first four places, I stopped caring anymore as well. It was a downhill slide after that.
“Tanner,” I heard Dean shout. “Wake the fuck up.”
I didn’t know why but there was something in his voice that was not okay. I looked around for my phone but remembered that I left it on the kitchen counter after getting a glass of water and hanging up with Ava. I groaned and pulled myself from the bed, grabbing some shorts and attempting to put them on as the world spun below me. I needed an IV of coffee pumping right into my soul in order to survive this Sunday morning. What the fuck was Dean doing up so early?
I walked out of the bedroom and turned the corner, freezing as Dean stood there, staring angrily at me. I shook my head, trying to figure out if I was dreaming or if Dean was standing there looking like he wanted to punch me in the face. Nope, he was definitely standing there with his hands on his hips and his hair wild on his head. He was holding my phone in his hand and gritting his teeth, and immediately, I knew, he had figured it out. But how?
“What are you doing?” I walked over and took the phone from his hand, walking into the kitchen and flipping on the coffee maker. “You normally go through people’s phones?”
“I was curious,” he said angrily.
“About what? My life is dead boring,” I replied. “Take a deep breath and relax. You’re still drunk.”
“No, unfortunately your phone sobered me up really fast,” he replied.
“Okay, what the hell is all of this about?” I turned toward him and put my phone on the counter. “Just get it out, whatever it is you are looking to say.”
“I know what girl you were talking dirty to last night,” he said angrily. “It wasn’t just some random Ava. It was my Ava. It was my damn daughter.”
I turned toward the coffee pot and sobered up really fast. He had found my messages to Ava, and he knew I was seeing his daughter. This was bad, really, really bad. I turned back around to face him, and I could tell I had very little time to explain myself before this turned really awkward. However, as I stood there staring at him, no words came from my mouth. I had fucked up, and he knew I was sleeping with his daughter. When I’d thought about telling him about Ava, it was supposed to be the other way around where he found out she was working for me, and not that I was sleeping with her. But there I stood, faced with the reality that he got the worst of the news before I could even preface it with anything.
“Dean,” I said putting up my hands. “I can explain.”
He gritted his teeth and shook his head, walking into the living room. But I really couldn’t explain, not in any way, shape, or form. I could sit here and confess my undying love for the girl, and he would still be absolutely livid. There was no easy way around any of this. I had fucked up, and now Ava was going to be so pissed, I was sure I wouldn’t ever have a chance to fix what I had done.
“I heard you talking dirty to some girl last night,” he said. “I was wasted and figured I’d do a little flirting with her, too, after you went to bed, so I looked up who it was. I can’t fucking believe you’re sleeping with my daughter.”
He stood up and walked over to the window, staring out into the city. He was shaking with anger, and I wasn’t sure how to diffuse the situation. There was only so much I could do without making everything worse. I walked into the living room and stood there, not sure whether to approach him or not. I took in a deep breath and walked over, putting my hand on his shoulder. Without realizing what he was doing, he whipped toward me, grabbed me by the throat, and pushing me up against the glass.
“You were supposed to be my friend,” he growled. “I trusted you, and the whole time we were making up, you were fucking my daughter. You didn’t think it would be a good idea to let me know that when I was apologizing for all of those years of anger and bitterness between us? You didn’t think that it would be a good idea to be forthright and honest with me?”
“Dean,” I said grabbing his arms. “At that time, we weren’t even sure there was anything between us. We still are trying to figure that out.”
He loosened his grip and shook his head, laughing. Suddenly he reared back and punched me straight in the jaw, sending me to the ground. He growled over top of me and turned, walking over to the couch and sitting down, his face in his hands. I shook my head, trying to loosen the dizziness from my vision. I guess I deserved that, no matter how much I wanted to lie to myself. I probably deserved a lot more than that. I pulled myself off the floor and wiped the blood from the corner of my mouth.
“How did that happen?” Dean sounded a bit calmer as he sat there.
I walked over to the other couch and sat down, resting my elbows on my knees and leaning forward. At that point, I needed to just tell him the truth, there was no place for any more lies. Ava and I had buried ourselves in lies since the first time we met, and it was part of the reason why we couldn’t seem to have a normal go at any sort of relationship.
“When Ava finished her internship, I hired her to work for the company,” I said quietly. “She felt it would give her a leg up in the business world. We didn’t plan for any of this to happen. It just kind of did.”
“So, wait, not only are you sleeping with my daughter, but the two of you have been lying to me about the fact that she works for you?”
“She wanted the opportunity to work on the merger,” I said. “She felt terrible for lying to you. It was eating her alive. When we became friends again, I thought that would give her a good way to tell you about her job, but she was afraid to hurt you.”
“If you think that’s supposed to make me feel better, you’re wrong,” he said angrily. “The only two people in my life that I felt I could lean on have been lying to me this whole time. Did you even want to be friends again? Or did you do it so that Ava could feel better about keeping me in the dark?”
“No,” I said firmly. “It was very important to me that we became friends again.”
“Well, you have a fucking funny way of showing it,” he said, standing up. “I feel fucking sick over all of this.”
Dean walked over to the table and grabbed his jacket, shoving his wallet and keys into his pockets. He smoothed down his hair and stood there silently for a moment. I knew I should say something, anything, but I had no idea how to handle this situation. This was definitely one of the worst ways he could possibly find out about everything. He turned back toward me, his face a mix of emotions.
“Stay out of my life,” he said pointedly. “And leave my daughter alone. She’s young, and she doesn’t need you messing with her head. She deserves someone so much better than you.”
With those words, he walked to the door and left, slamming it behind him. I sat there for a few minutes, feeling the pain of his fist surging through my face. Everything was a complete and total disaster. I grabbed my phone, knowing that Ava had no idea any of this was going on. I didn’t want to tell her. I didn’t want to start her Sunday the same way she started her Saturday but she needed to know. I dialed her number and held my breath.
“Hello?” She sounded tired but awake.
“Ava,” I said, shaking my head. “Your father knows.”
“What?”
“He looked at my phone last night after hearing our drunken conversation,” I replied. “He put two and two together. He’s mad, real mad. I told him about you working for me. I had no choice. He wanted to know how the hell we ended up together, so I told him.”
“This isn’t good,” she sighed. “This is worse than that. This is terrible. He is never going to forgive me for what I’ve done.”
“He loves you,” I whispered. “Of course, he will forgive you.”
“I have to go,” she said, hanging up before I had a chance to apologize.
I dropped the phone on the couch next to me and groaned, pulling my hands through my hair. Everything was a damn mess, and I was at the center of all of it. I should have listened to my gut and just left Ava alone, no matter how much I wanted her in my life. I should have been the adult in that situation and pushed her away like I did every other woman in my life. But no, I had to give in to these intense emotions and act on them, sending Ava’s life down the drain. Sure, it affected me, but not in the same way that it was going to affect Ava. She had to deal with her family, her career, and everything else in between. To make matters worse, it all took place right after she found out her mother was cheating on her father. I couldn’t even imagine how she was feeling at that moment, but I knew how I felt, completely powerless to do anything to fix the mistakes I had made. I cared for Ava more than I wanted to admit, but I had this very good suspicion that the events that just took place were going to ruin my chances forever.
Chapter 20
Ava
I slammed my phone down on the bed next to me, tears beginning to fill my eyes. What had I done? I knew last night I shouldn’t have called Tanner, but between the alcohol and the stress of the day, he was the only one I wanted to talk to. However, from that one act of not thinking things through, I had outed myself to my father. Who was I kidding? That wasn’t the only act. It had started long before that phone call ever took place. I knew from day one that what I was doing was wrong. I took a job for a man who my father hated, and I knew it, but still, I walked right into that office like I knew what I was doing. I lied to the one man who had always been there for me. Then, to make matters worse, I started sleeping with Tanner, a betrayal I didn’t know if my father would ever get over. He was a proud man, and though his anger stemmed from the fact that he loved me, he was going through so much, and this was possibly the piece of hay that would break the camel’s back.
I picked up my phone and dialed my father’s number, listening to it ring a few times before he sent it straight to message. He wasn’t going to answer my phone calls. He didn’t want anything to do with me. I wanted to be livid with Tanner, scream at him even, but it took two to make this mess, and it wasn’t his job to babysit me. He tried to hold back early on, the same way I had, but the magnetism between us was too much for either of us to bear. The fault didn’t lie in the moment I slept with him, it started the moment I decided it was a good idea to take the job at MJ. I tried calling my father three more times, but he sent my call to voicemail every single time. It was almost frustrating, and I knew I needed to talk to him.
I took some clothes quietly out of Brianna’s closet and pulled them on, not wanting to track my father down in a dress I had been wearing for two days. I wrote Brianna a quick note letting her know what was going on and grabbed my stuff, heading out to get a cab. I had the cab take me to my place where I jumped in my own car and decided to head over to my parent’s house, hoping I would find my father there. They lived outside of the city, so the drive took a little bit of time, but I was okay with that, needing a moment to clear my head before I faced my father. It was time I started telling the truth, no matter how painful that was for me and him. No more lies could come from any of this. I had made a very poor decision, and now, I had to be the one who paid for that.
When I pulled into the driveway, I put the key code in the gate and slowly pulled down the way. The gardeners were in the yard, raking the leaves and preparing for the fall decorations my mother always like to put up. This was all so messed up. We should be angry with my mother, not focused on the fact that I had done something incredibly stupid. Now my father was sure to feel completely alienated from his life. He had a lying daughter and a cheating wife, and after all the sacrifices he had made for our family, this was how we paid him back.
I pulled the car up out front and hopped out, walking to the back of the house to make sure he wasn’t sitting in the garden like he liked to do when he wanted to reflect on something. The only thing back there were a few of the staff from the house and the decorations they were getting ready to put up. I walked back around the house and walked in through the front door, turning toward his study and walking quietly inside. It was dark and empty, and my father was nowhere in sight. I searched the entire house looking for him, but once I got to the garage and saw that his favorite car was gone, I knew he wasn’t there. I needed to find him, but I had no idea where to even start. My father spent all his free time at home and never really went anywhere.
As I walked back toward the front door, I heard someone walk up behind me. I froze as I got to the front door, hearing my mother clear her throat. She was the last person I wanted to talk to right then.
“Ava,” she said softly.
“Mother,” I replied angrily, turning toward her. “I came to find Dad.”
“He’s not here,” she said, looking down. “Did he tell you what happened?”
“Yep,” I said. “But I don’t have time for that. I need to find him.”
“Ava, I’m sorry,” she pleaded.
“Not now, Mother,” I replied, shaking my hand. “Do you know where Dad is?”
“No,” she said with a sigh. “He left yesterday morning and hasn’t been back.”
“Great,” I said angrily.
“Ava, I’m sorry, really.” She stepped forward as if to touch my arm.
“Mom, I don’t have time for this. I told you that,” I said with irritation. “There are other things going on. We can talk about this later or something.”
I wasn’t even sure that my father knew that I knew about mom, but she was the least of my worries at that point. I couldn’t help fix the situation she had gotten herself into when I was knee-deep in my own pile of shit. I wasn’t going to tell her what happened. It would only make her feel like maybe she could get off the hook for sleeping with the pool boy. My mother did not deserve to be off the hook any more than I did. Everything was so completely messed up in my life, and I had let that trickle over to the point where it completely destroyed my father. He didn’t deserve any of this, not one bit of it. Not Tanner betraying him, not me lying to him for weeks, not my mother cheating on him, none of it. But there we were, two lying women standing in one room together.
“You can’t ignore me forever,” she said, a bit angry.
“Oh, Mother,” I said snidely. “Not everything is about you. Get over yourself.”
My mother has had this way of making me feel incredibly guilty anytime I didn’t react the way she wanted me to. She had done it my whole life, even when I was a small child. She never raised her hand to me physically, or even raised her voice to me in anger, but she would set a serious guilt trip on my shoulders and wait for me to buckle under the pressure. It became harder and harder to get to me as I got older, though, and after a while, she just let my father handle me, knowing she couldn’t get through to me even if she tried.
This time, though, I didn’t even want to start that conversation with her. She wanted me to forgive her for sleeping with that guy, but it wasn’t for our relationship. It was for her own damn conscience. She felt terrible about it, and knowing her, she would call her girlfriends and they would console her, telling her she wasn’t at fault. My mother was never at fault for anything in her life. That was why, when I found my father, I didn’t want to make any excuses. I wanted to take full responsibility for everything I had done to hurt him.
I stood there in the entryway, staring blankly at my mother. She dropped her arms and shook her head, realizing I wasn’t going to stand for any of her bullshit. As usual, she gave up, and walked away, not wanting to admit to anything or take responsibility for anything she’d done wrong. She wasn’t worried about comforting me. She was worried about comforting herself, sitting back and waiting for my father to come home. There was no proactive nature about my mother, and I blamed the lack of empathy for her inability to move forward in any tough situation. She had to be pushed, otherwise the issue would go by, unresolved, and later rear its ugly head again. This situation, though, didn’t bear repeating, considering she cheated on my father. I didn’t know if she would learn anything from it or not.
My mother was the least of my worries at that point, and I wasn’t going to spend another minute thinking about whether or not she was okay. I looked around the room thinking about my childhood, remembering how close my father and I were. My heart was aching, and it was my own damn fault. I had screwed up my relationship with my father, and I wasn’t even sure there would be anything I could do to fix it. At the very best, it would be completely changed for the rest of my life, something that was inevitable but I didn’t want to accept. I took a deep breath and turned toward the door, ready to leave and go figure out a way to find my father. My phone began to vibrate in my pocket, and I pulled it out, seeing my dad’s name on the screen.
“Dad,” I said frantically. “Where are you?”
“It doesn’t matter,” he growled. “How could you do this? What were you thinking? You weren’t, and that is the point. You lied to me about everything, and to make matters worse, you got involved with Tanner knowing he was not a good man.”
“I know,” I said trying to find the words. “I’m so sorry, Dad.”
“I am so sick and tired of being told people are sorry,” he yelled. “You and your mother are full of ‘I’m sorry’ and it makes me sick. Maybe, if you were that sorry, you should have thought about it beforehand. This is a betrayal I cannot look past. I don’t want to see you ever again. Do whatever you want with your life.”
“Dad,” I cried out as he hung up the phone.
I stood there with the phone to my ear, like he was going to magically be on the other end. Tears flooded my eyes, and I felt like I couldn’t breathe. My father had disowned me, and all because I couldn’t make a smart decision from the beginning. My father was a proud man and stubborn as hell, and the thought of not having him in my life was absolutely terrifying. I looked up as my mother rounded the corner, a look of concern on her face. Before she could say a word, I turned and ran from the house, jumping in my car and speeding down the driveway.
Everything was swirling around me so fast, and I couldn’t catch my breath for even a second. When I reached the gate, I stopped the car and got out, grabbing my stomach and screaming loudly. The cold air whipped around me as tears streamed down my face. I was in complete agony, unable to even fathom what had just happened. I was alone, completely alone, and I didn’t know where to turn. I needed to go home and sit in the quiet. I didn’t want to talk to Brianna or Tanner. They would only fan the flames and tell me lies about how everything was going to be okay. I didn’t need coddling. I needed to get my life back together.
Chapter 21
Tanner
It had been a couple of days since everything had happened with Dean, and I still hadn’t been able to talk to Ava for more than a few seconds. I hadn’t spoken to Dean either, but I had a very firm reminder of why every time I looked in the mirror at the giant bruise on my face. I had deserved that and more, seeing as how I had lied to his face, helped his daughter lie, and then started sleeping with her. Everything was a giant mess, and I wished I could take a vacation away from all of it. Still, no matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t get Ava off my mind. Not only did I feel helpless in making everything right for her, I missed her terribly. I missed her at my house, in the office, and I missed her sweet caring smile that made my day go a hell of a lot smoother than it normally did. She had made an impact on me that was insane considering I usually didn’t let women get that close to me.
I could have demanded that she come to work, especially with the merger going full steam ahead, but I knew she didn’t need to be there on Monday. Still, it was Tuesday, and I had yet to see her, which was a bit concerning after everything that had happened. The last thing I wanted was to lose her with the company as well as my personal life. In all reality, she was an asset to every part of my world, including the company and that merger. As I walked to the front of the office I saw the doors to the elevator closing, and I ran forward, sticking my arm between the doors. As they slid back open, Ava was standing there by herself, her face pale and tired. I stood there staring at her, unsure of what even to say. There was so much to talk about, but at the same time, nothing really that would make anything better.
I stepped inside the elevator and held the button that kept the doors from closing shut. I wanted to offer something, anything, even if it was just my comfort. I knew she was being standoffish toward me, but that didn’t mean she didn’t still enjoy the fact that I could comfort her at any moment. I wanted to take her in my arms and promise her everything would be okay, but I knew that would just be another lie. The truth of the matter was, I didn’t know if anything would be okay in her life any time soon. She had so much on her plate that I knew her head had to be spinning.
Her father had found everything out about us, her mother was cheating on her father, and whatever glimmer of hope we had on Friday for a normal life and an actual relationship flew out of the door before we even had time to revel in it. If I had known that things would turn out that way, even though Friday was the best time I had ever had with a woman, I would have called it all off and kept my feelings to myself. I would have done anything to protect Ava from the fallout that we really didn’t see coming.
Ava looked completely shocked as I stood there in the elevator, staring over at her. She took in a deep breath and looked at me, a mixture of sadness and defiance in her eyes. I could tell she was trying really hard to be strong, but inside, she just wanted to break down in tears. I should have given her more time off than just Monday. She was going through some really serious stuff, and I was half of the reason, if not more, that everything was going on the way it was.
“Are you okay?”
“No,” she sighed. “Everything is a mess.”
“I know,” I replied. “If there is anything I can do to help, please tell me.”
“I’m thinking of leaving the company,” she said point blank.
I stood there staring at her, blinking, unsure of what to say next. Sure, the fact that she might leave had crossed my mind, but I thought that maybe that sensibility about her career would keep her in place. Even if she was right in wanting to leave, another change in her life like that wasn’t what she needed. She needed stability in her daily life so that outside of work, she could focus on getting herself back in line, making her relationships better, and fixing everything that we had destroyed in one fell swoop. I didn’t want to fight with her, but I also was not willing to let her go without a fight. She was so important to our company and the company was important to her. I knew she was emotional, and it was never good to make decisions when you were feeling that way. She needed to wait until she could really think it through. I knew if she did that, she would see how important it was for her to stay.
“Why?”
“I betrayed my father, Tanner,” she said shaking her head. “I lied to him for weeks, and then it all came tumbling down on me. I have to repair these relationships before I don’t have either parent in my life anymore. I made some really bad decisions, and no matter how much I want a career, I’m not like you.”
“What does that mean?”
“I can’t just let my most important relationships fall to the wayside so my career stays strong,” she said quietly. “I want both a family relationship and a career, and I’m not sure I can do that with your company, especially since it is going to be a sore spot for my father for a very long time.”
“Just because I made the choice to cut everything out of my life and just focus on my career, doesn’t mean everyone that works for me has to be that way,” I said. “You are very important to me and this company, and I will do anything I can to make sure you have the ability to have everything you want in your life. You can have a family and a career at the same time. You’re versatile like that. When I was coming up, I didn’t have anyone to show me that, and the woman I was married to was only interested in my money. It scared me away from everything, like I’m afraid your mother has scared your father away. It’s a lonely life that I chose, but it is not the only choice. I know that now.”
“I don’t know,” she sighed, looking down.
“You don’t have to decide now,” I said. “In fact, I implore you to not make a decision right now, especially with emotions so heightened. Take the rest of the week off. Relax, take in a deep breath, talk to your best friend, do whatever you need to do to start correcting the mess that we made, and then, when you have a better grasp on everything you want and what it will take to get there, then make your decision.”
“None of this is easy,” she groaned. “I just want to crawl into a cave.”
“That won’t do you any good either.” I smiled. “Just take my offer, please. Give yourself some time. Don’t make any decisions now.”
I stood there staring at this beautiful woman in front of me, wanting so badly to wrap my arms around her and tell her everything was going to be okay. She needed someone to be there for her, but with the current situation, it couldn’t be me, no matter how much I wanted it to be. I needed to give her space, let her breathe, and then later, when things had settled, I could come forward and embrace her. I wanted to tell her how sorry I was for my part in all of these things. It was so easy to say yes, not thinking about the fact that though I had nothing really to lose, she had everything to lose. I didn’t think about her feelings or her life until it was too late to do anything about it. She deserved so much better than that.
“Please,” I said, stepping forward and reaching for her hand. “Take the week. Think about everything, don’t make a decision about your future just yet.”
“Okay,” she said, nodding her head and smiling before pulling her hand away slowly.
Relief flooded through me as I stood there looking at this beautiful woman, wondering if I would ever feel her embrace again. I didn’t want her to take a week. I wanted to be selfish and have her there across the hall from me. I wanted to keep her close, so she wouldn’t forget that I cared and that she had feelings for me. That would be selfish, though, and selfish behavior was what got us into that mess in the first place. I knew I had to give her space, let her work it out on her own, even if that meant she distanced herself from me. I cared enough about her that I wanted her to be happy, regardless of whether that included me or not.
I smiled back at her and stood there for a moment before backing out of the elevator. I waited and watched as the doors shut, my view of Ava completely gone. I felt like I had lost her in that moment, and it was almost too much to take. Leave it to me to completely screw up the first woman I had feelings for since my ex-wife. I was a complete and total mess in everything that I did. I turned and walked back to my office, telling my secretary that I didn’t want to be bothered, and shut the door behind me. I wanted to talk to Dean, try and help him realize how much Ava really loved him.
I picked up the phone and dialed his number, listening to it as it rang. After the third ring, he sent the call to voicemail and I hung up, frustrated that I couldn’t help in any way. Dean didn’t have to ever forgive me, but he needed to forgive his daughter before she set herself up for failure in her personal life and her career. If he knew what was going on, he would push back a bit and open up to the possibility of forgiving her. I knew he needed time, but it wasn’t something he had the luxury of at that moment.
I picked the phone back up and called him again, with no answer. However, this time I didn’t just hang up. I listened to the voicemail and at the sound of the beep I took in a deep breath.
“Dean, I know I am the last person you want to talk to, and that’s fine,” I said to the message. “But your daughter is hurting. She loves you so much, and I’m afraid that she is going to make rash decisions about her life because all she can think about is making things right with you. You don’t have to talk to me, but please consider letting Ava back in your life, before it’s too late.”
I hung up the phone and tapped my pen on the desk, feeling good that I left the message. At least he would hear the words, even if he refused to call me back. I knew he loved his daughter more than anything in the world, and for him, losing her was worse than losing his wife. I knew that once he calmed down, he would see that reconciling with Ava was vital. After that, though, I had a feeling I wouldn’t be in either one of their lives.
Chapter 22
Ava
Having time off sounded like a great idea at first, but only a day later, I was sitting on my couch feeling absolutely miserable. I couldn’t get my father off my mind, and I had called him a dozen times, with no response. All I could do was sit there, wondering what he was thinking, replaying the whole scene over and over again in my mind. There was something that kept nagging me, something I couldn’t quite put my finger on but I knew it had to do with Tanner. He was still on my mind, even after everything, and I needed to stop thinking about him. It should be easy. I should be able to think about all the problems and trouble that we had been through and realize that having him in my life was not what was best for me. Instead, I felt an ache in my heart, a place I was not familiar with, a feeling that I hadn’t had before.
I took in a deep breath and sighed it out, realizing there was nothing I could do to change how I felt. Maybe time would help, maybe it wouldn’t, but either way, I needed to focus on getting my father back into my life, and my life back into a rhythm. I shook my head and stood up, walking toward the kitchen. As soon as I stepped foot inside, there was a knock at the door, scaring the hell out of me. I turned toward the door, my heart racing. I ran across the room and flung it open, hoping beyond hopes that it was my father. However, as the door creaked open, I stared out at Tanner, standing in the doorway holding a single white rose. I sighed and stepped back, trying not to look too let down. Besides, I had just been thinking about how much I wanted to see him, and there he was, as if he could read my mind.
“Don’t look too disappointed,” he chuckled.
“I’m sorry,” I sighed. “I thought you were going to be my father.”
“Still no word?”
“Not a peep,” I said looking down.
“I’m sure that will change soon,” he said in a caring voice.
I took in a deep breath and followed my eyes from his shoes, up his body and to his muscular chest. I hadn’t noticed when I opened the door that he looked freaking amazing in his suit and tie. Warmth flooded my chest, and I reached up, running my hand across my skin below my neck. It took me completely off guard, but there was no denying that I was lusting after this man extremely hard. He always looked so handsome, so charming, and my mind immediately ran back to the night we spent together at his house and how hot it was.
“What can I do for you?”
“I came by to make sure you were doing okay,” he said smiling. “And to be honest, I couldn’t let another day go by without seeing you.”
“Tanner.” I tried to act like I wasn’t moved by his words, but heat ran up into my cheeks.
“I know,” he said, interrupting my thought, “everything has been a mess. It really has. But I can’t get you off my mind. I just want to spend a little time with you.”
“I don’t know,” I said, rubbing the back of my neck. “I mean, every time we get together, something crazy happens.”
“Just for a little while,” he said, handing me the rose.
I looked at him and took in a deep breath, unsure if I would have the ability to keep myself under control if I were to let him in. He had come all this way just to spend time with me, something no other man had ever done for me. I mean, who was I kidding? There was no way I was going to turn this man away, no matter how much I hemmed and hawed at the decision. I stepped to the side and shrugged my shoulders, trying to keep a cool demeanor. I reached out and took the flower, bringing it close to my face and breathing in the sweet scent that reminded me of summer in my parent’s garden. I always loved the smell of roses, and it instantly started to put me at ease.
“Come on in,” I said with a small smile. “I need to break up my thoughts anyway.”
As he walked past me, I caught a whiff of his cologne, and the wanting in my chest turned to desire, causing me to stumble over my words. He turned back to me as I closed the door, and we stood there for several moments, just staring at each other. I didn’t want to admit it, but deep down inside, I knew he was exactly what I needed right then. I was incredibly upset with him, and utterly confused, but as I stepped toward him, I no longer had control of myself. I dropped the rose on the floor and reached for his arm, pulling him closer to me. Our eyes met and the view of his bedroom stare sent electricity through my chest.
There was nothing I could do to stop myself. I was already done for. Little did I know that the lust and desire between us would be so strong. I was not prepared, and I immediately fell captive to his large muscular arms and charming smile. He was familiar and light, and I needed him, even if I didn’t want to tell him that. He was someone who brought something positive into my life, even if the events surrounding us were hard to comprehend and were evolving slowly in my mind. He reached out and ran his hand down my cheek, leaning forward and pressing his lips against mine. As soon as our skin touched, it was like we disappeared from the chaos of the world around us, and our desire immediately took over.
Tanner lunged forward, grabbing me around the waist and lifting me into the air. He sat me down on the couch and pulled my shirt over my head, his face diving down into my breasts as his hands began to wander below the waist line of my pants. I leaned back against the couch and grabbed onto his hair as he flicked his tongue against my nipples. Electricity shot through my body and soft moans escaped my lips. He sat up with fire in his eyes and grabbed the seat of my pants, yanking them down and tossing them behind him before shedding his own shirt. He pulled my legs apart and grabbed my thighs, pulling my body down as he licked his lips.
He cracked a small smile as his hands moved up my thighs, and his fingers brushed against my pussy lips. I gasped as he reached forward and pulled my mound open, leaning his head in and running his tongue through my folds and up around my clit. My body stiffened and my hands roamed around my breasts, grabbing them and squeezing as he began to massage my nub with his warm, wet lips. I wanted him so badly, and I could feel myself preparing for the orgasm growing under my skin. His hands moved up further, and he pushed two fingers inside of me, going deep and turning as he pulled them back out.
“Yes,” I whispered, arching my back.
“You like that?”
“Mhmm,” I moaned.
With the sound of my voice, he began to push his fingers into me faster and faster, moving his mouth over my clit and sucking it hard as I moaned out in ecstasy. He pulled his fingers out and lifted my ass into the air, putting my legs over his shoulders and diving into my wetness. I reached up grasping at anything I could, screaming out as his mouth moved savagely though my juices. God, his tongue felt so good moving in and out of me as his face shook against my pussy. I could feel his breath and low growls as he tugged at my mound, moving his hand down under my ass and finger fucking me with his thumb. I grabbed on to my tits hard, arching my back and writhing on top of him. I could feel my orgasm getting closer, and while I was ready to burst, I didn’t want to stop feeling his mouth on me.
“Don’t stop,” I screamed out.
He groaned against my clit, sending waves of pleasure through me and pushing me over the edge I had been teetering on since he walked into the door. My hands flew to the side and I moaned out, grabbing at whatever I could to stabilize myself as my orgasm began to take over. I could feel my thighs squeezing against his face as my body stiffened and then began to shake in his hands. The wave of ecstasy was so strong, I couldn’t even breath, and all that came out of me was a squeak followed by a high-pitched squeal.
Before I could even think of regaining my composure, he set me down on the couch and flipped me over, pushing me upwards so I was on my knees facing the back of the couch. He stood up, and I could hear him fumbling with his belt and pulling his pants off. I glanced over my shoulders as he yanked his boxers down and crawled up behind me, spreading my knees apart and reaching between my legs, running his fingers through my dripping pussy. He grabbed ahold of his cock and slipped it between my legs, pulling at my waist and sliding his shaft through my wetness and deep inside of me.
Once he was inside, he leaned his body into mine and wrapped his arm around my waist. He thrust his hips, pulling my entire body with him, barely moving in and out, but feeling his cock go in as far as he could manage. I gripped down on the couch and leaned my body into it, pushing my ass out. He slid his hand back to my hips and began to move fast and hard, his body slamming against mine. I released with one hand and slid it down between my legs, massaging my clit as I looked back at him, finding his lips with mine.
He groaned into my mouth, not stopping his rhythm. He pushed a few more times before growling and throwing me down on my back, pulling my legs over his shoulders and pushing back into me. I screamed out as he thrust his hips forward over and over, our bodies writhing against each other. I could feel another orgasm reaching the edge of my lust, and I grabbed my legs, pulling them up toward my head. He fucked me harder, looking down at my bulging pussy as his skin slapped against my clit. I could see his breathing increase, and he closed his eyes, pushing and pulling until he couldn’t any longer.
As he pushed in one last time and leaned forward, grinding his body against mine, I released, arching my back and moaning as the waves of orgasm took me over. He groaned, trying to hold on to his own but giving in, pulling his hips hard against me and releasing, letting the pleasure move through his entire body. I could feel his cock pulsing inside of me from the base to the tip and it was the most erotic feeling I had ever had. I watched as his body shook and glistened above me, the pressure and desire from moments before pushed aside as he took in every moment of his orgasm.
This was definitely not expected, but it was a hell of a lot better than daytime television.
Chapter 23
Tanner
When I headed out to go to Ava’s place that day, I had no intention of immediately falling into bed with her, but when I walked into the house, it was like the desire between us was so intense that I couldn’t think of anything else. She was so freaking gorgeous, even sitting there in her pajamas, messy hair, and no makeup. Actually, it was probably the most beautiful I had ever seen her. I didn’t know what any of this meant, but I was not going to let the opportunity to get her back in my arms pass me by. Ava was this amazing creature that I couldn’t get away from, no matter how hard I tried. I thought about her day and night, her sensual curves, beautiful face, and amazing body constantly plaguing me, even at the most inopportune times. She was pretty much the most amazing thing I had ever seen, and no matter what I did to divert these feelings, I couldn’t pull myself back.
I stood up and smiled as Ava caught her breath. She bit her lip and laughed, shaking her head back and forth. I pulled on my pants and shirt and reached down to help her up. She pulled herself into my arms, her naked skin touching my hands. She stretched up on her toes and kissed my lips, smiling, before turning and pulling her pajama’s back on. I didn’t want to her to get dressed, but I knew we couldn’t lay around all night naked. Though there was a brief moment where I considered bringing up the prospect.
Once we were dressed, I pulled her close again, kissing her lips. As they parted, and our eyes met, there was a knock at the door. I could feel her muscles tense as she looked up at me, confusion rolling across her face. She ran her hands over her hair and tiptoed barefoot across the floor. She leaned forward and peered into the peephole, freezing and looking back at me with panic. I knew exactly what was going on. She didn’t even need to say it.
“My dad,” she mouthed. “Fuck!”
I pulsed my hands up and down to tell her to calm down, panicking was not going to help anything at that moment. She immediately started to bite her nails, walking back over to me, her face changing from blissful to panicked really fast. I kissed her forehead and smiled, knowing that though it was a strange time, she had been looking forward to her father finally coming over since all of the drama had started. I couldn’t let her be too worried about it at that point.
“Who is it?” She looked over at me and started to grab the rest of my clothes.
“It’s your dad,” he said.
“Hi, Daddy,” she yelled. “Can you give me just a minute?”
“Take your time,” he said.
She piled my shoes and socks in my arms and looked at me, not knowing what to say or do. I knew I needed to go, hide somewhere, but I wanted to know that she was calm and prepared before I went. This was the perfect opportunity for her to patch things up with her father, even maybe tell him about us. I could tell there was an us, not because of the sex but because of how we were together at every turn. It was like we needed each other, and we only recently realized it.
“Take a deep breath,” I whispered. “Everything will be okay. I will go hide out in your bedroom for a while. I don’t want to cause any more issues between you and your father. He’s sure to run off if he sees me here.”
“Thank you,” she whispered, looking relieved.
She reached up one last time and kissed me softly on the lips, lingering for a moment to feel me close to her. I wanted so badly to stand by her side, be there for her through this, but after what had happened at my place, it would only make things worse. At that moment, the best thing for me to do was get out of sight but just around the corner, hoping she could feel my support through the walls. Maybe this was a good thing, an opportunity for everything to be set back on track. There was definitely too much stress in both of our lives, and I knew that if she had her father’s blessing, she would feel much better about everything. Then again, I wasn’t sure Dean was ready to give any kind of blessings when it came to me. He pretty much hated me, and I could feel the aftereffects of that hate still lingering in my jaw from when he punched me. I hadn’t told Ava that part and didn’t plan on ever doing so. I truly cared for her, which meant it was my responsibility to not let her be hurt, and seeing her father in that light was definitely a way to hurt her.
I walked into the bedroom and closed the door, looking back at Ava one last time. I hadn’t remembered ever seeing her place in the daylight, and her bed looked incredibly comfortable. However, not knowing what kind of noise it may make, I opted to sit on the floor, my back pressed against the inner walls. I could hear Dean’s voice as Ava let him into the apartment. The sounds were muffled for a few minutes and then I heard Ava invite him to sit down. Their conversation was calm and full of love. It was very obvious that he was hurt, but at the same time, so was she. This wasn’t as cut and dry as she thought it was, I could tell.
“I love you, Ava,” Dean said.
“I love you, too, Daddy,” she said. “I never meant to hurt you. I was doing what I thought was right for my career, for my personal life, but all the while feeling like the walls were closing in on me every time I had to lie to you. I never wanted that to be the way.”
“I know,” he sighed. “You have been such a good kid your entire life, and now as an adult, you made a mistake. I can understand that and appreciate the quality of a life learned through lessons. You are hurt just as much as I am, and I know it can’t be easy with what your mother’s done.”
“I’m so sorry she did that,” Ava said, obviously crying. “I don’t know how I’ll ever forgive her.”
“You’ll forgive her because she is your mother, and she loves you,” he said kindly. “She didn’t do this to you. She did it to me. Let me take the burden on that one. I’m still trying to figure out how my supposed best friend could take advantage of my little girl.”
“Daddy,” she sighed. “You have to remember that I may always be your daughter, but I’m no longer a little girl. I knew full well what I was getting myself into with Tanner, and I was willing to take on anything that followed my actions.”
“Are you still seeing him?”
“No,” she said after a few moments.
I grabbed onto my chest feeling as if my heart was breaking inside of me. I couldn’t believe she had just tossed me to the wolves like that. My heart was completely broken, in more ways than one. I thought that we had connected, bonded, and found ourselves in a place that was perfect for both of us, but I guessed that was just me thinking that. I pulled my attention away from the conversation, not wanting to hear anymore. I was almost angry at myself for thinking anything different. How could I be angry at her? She had been through hell, and her decision was the same one I would have made. Hell, I had made that decision over and over again through the last decade. She was probably doing me a favor, keeping me from getting myself wrapped up in a relationship that I didn’t even know how to be in.
My head leaned back against the wall, and I closed my eyes, trying to think about the fact that three weeks ago, I would have never thought I would be sitting here with a broken heart. This was exactly why I needed to keep my mind focused on work, not women. I had been perfectly fine with my life before I met Ava, and I would be perfectly fine after she was gone. She knew I could hear her, and this was her chance to let her father know that we were in a relationship or at least seeing each other, but she didn’t. That spoke volumes. As I reminding myself over and over like a mantra that I would be get through this, I could feel the walls starting to build back up around my heart. It felt good not to have to feel the pain, no matter how unhealthy it was.
I sighed and looked down at my watch, now wanting to get out of there and get back to my life. I guessed that was the finality I needed, so I could stop going crazy trying to get to Ava. From there on, I knew that there was no point in hunting her down, no point in chasing her. She was resolute in the fact that there was nothing between us. There was a part of me that was disappointed, sure, but that part was almost instantly buried, my mind protecting me from the pain that was trying to push through. I didn’t have time to move around and be upset, I had a job to do, a company to continue to build, until no one can catch me. I had always wanted an empire, a dream that I had forgotten over the last few weeks because my mind was full of thoughts of Ava, her father, and my exploding feelings, but now things could be different.
I put my hands down and listened back to the conversation, now wanting to get out of there. I felt like I was trapped and there was a sick feeling in the pit of my stomach. If it took much longer, I was considering going out the window and down the fire escape. That, however, was not my preference.
“Dad,” I heard her say, walking past the door. “I’m starving, why don’t we go have dinner.”
“That’s a great idea,” he said.
“Okay, give me two seconds to change,” she said.
I could hear her grabbing clothes from the laundry room and disappearing into the bathroom. At least I wasn’t going to have any awkward face-to-face time with her before she left. I got up off the floor and walked over to the window, waiting for them to leave. It looked cold out, so I made sure that I was dressed and my coat was pulled on before they had even left. I didn’t want to waste any time getting out of there.
After about twenty more minutes, I could hear them discussing what restaurant they wanted to go to. The front door opened and closed, and the voices drifted off into the distance. I looked down at the sidewalk and watched as Dean and Ava walked from the house and out to her car, parked in front. They climbed inside and took off down the street, Ava not even looking behind. I let out a deep breath, decidedly relieved that I could finally get out of there and leave the shards of my broken heart behind. As I passed through the house, I felt an eerie silence creeping through, and I looked back, making sure I had gotten everything before shutting the door behind me.
Though I figured it was over and done with now, I couldn’t help but feel unresolved, a little unhinged, and very confused.
Chapter 24
Ava
The drive over was quiet but comfortable, and I was ecstatic that I had my father sitting in the passenger seat. He had come over to make things okay with me, even though he didn’t have to, and it meant the world to me. I knew that I had Tanner in the other room, and I felt terrible for him, but it was kind of humorous how the situation had reversed itself. I had a conscience. I knew that my father would have been upset knowing Tanner was there, so I had lied, but for some reason it made me feel really bad, and more because I was hiding Tanner than because I was lying to my dad again. I didn’t know what I wanted from him, but I now knew it was harder to stay away from him than I had thought.
I looked up across the table and watched as my father looked over the menu. We had decided on a Cuban restaurant in Brooklyn, a place he and I used to go to when I was younger. My mother hated Cuban food, and though it wasn’t my favorite, I knew it was something that would make my father happy. It was obvious from earlier that I couldn’t make everyone happy, and I was starting to think the situation I was in was useless. Someone was going to get hurt. It was inevitable, and I was afraid it was already Tanner.
We had an amazing time when he’d stopped by the apartment, something that was unexpected and wild. I had let go, yet again, even though I knew I shouldn’t have. However, the person who was pushing back this time was me, and I knew that Tanner had heard the conversation between my father and me. I knew that he heard me tell my father we weren’t seeing each other. I was put on the spot, and I’d answered without thinking, without realizing what kind of damage that could do to our relationship, or whatever it was that we had. I shouldn’t care. I never had before, and just two weeks ago, I wouldn’t have given a damn, being more worried about my future at MJ than of my feelings toward Tanner. However, as I sat there thinking about it, I could feel a giant lump in my throat, and I couldn’t help but be worried about what he was thinking.
There had been other men in my life but nothing that I ever thought of as serious. I never thought, when taking the job at MJ, that I would end up feeling this intense about my boss. My emotions were all over the place, and no matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t get Tanner off my mind. He was this crazy sexy man with no inhibitions, a direct path in life, and a past that made even me blush, but there I was, sitting across from my father, thinking about what he was doing at that moment. It was obvious and clear, no matter how much I didn’t want to admit it to myself, I was in love with this man. Completely and utterly head over heels in love.
I could feel my cheeks blushing and my stomach flip flopping as I finally accepted that I was in love for the first time. Immediately, I felt warm inside, butterflies flowing through my chest, and a smile trying desperately to push through. My father was ordering his food, and I hadn’t been able to concentrate on the menu at all. I wasn’t like other girls growing up. I never had that high school sweetheart or that college love. I was too dedicated to my future to mess with things like that.
Now that I knew how it felt, and how intoxicating it was, I had probably made a wise choice back then. How did people function normally when they fell in love? My palms were sweaty, my heart was racing, and I had this overpowering want to scream it from the rooftops. However, staring across the table at my father, I realized that I couldn’t tell a soul, not even Tanner. There was too much at stake at that moment, and I didn’t want to hurt my dad.
After he was done ordering, I just picked an item and told the waitress. He looked at me funny since it wasn’t the normal, and I shrugged, handing the menu back to the server. I didn’t even know what to say at that moment and I felt like I was losing my mind.
“I wanted to try something new,” I said smiling.
“I love you,” he said with a smile. “I know things have been very messed up lately. I feel terrible that I showed so much hatred toward Tanner over the years that you felt like you had to lie about working for him. His company is amazing. He’s really done a great job, and you will learn a lot from there.”
“I know, but I’m not sure I want to stay,” I said looking down at my salad. “Everything got really crazy really fast, and I don’t know if it’s a good atmosphere for me.”
“Personal feelings aside, you have to admit that working for MJ during the merger will be an amazing resume booster,” he said shrugging. “Don’t give up on your career because you’re uncomfortable. Those things will sort themselves out, but your career needs constant vigilance.”
“Do you regret splitting off from him?”
“Regret? No,” he said shaking his head. “I loved every moment I got to spend with you growing up. I wouldn’t trade that for anything. As a human being, though, I do wonder from time to time what our lives would have been like if I was a CEO of my own company, but then I remember what Tanner had to sacrifice and I just forget all about it.”
“I’m sorry for lying to you, Dad,” I said, feeling guilty.
“I’m sorry for reacting the way I did,” he replied, reaching out and taking my hand. “I love you. Let’s move on from this.”
“I like that idea.” I squeezed his hand.
We continued to talk, changing the subjects from work to Mom and back around again to my job. As I listened to him talk, I couldn’t help but feel distracted. While I looked, like I was in tune, listening to everything he said, my mind was whirling wildly, thoughts of Tanner intruding at every turn. My mind was racing with questions and worries, hoping that he wasn’t too upset with me. I could feel myself starting to get anxious, and I really wanted to focus on my time with my father.
There was something calming about his presence, but since I couldn’t even tell him about how I felt about Tanner, it was hard to sit there in front of him. I wondered if Tanner had the same feelings as me, or was it easy for him to just turn them off and move on without another thought? Just the idea, just the thought of him moving on made me sick to my stomach, and I knew I would eventually have to be honest about the way I felt. Right at that moment, though, I needed to take my mind off of him, and start focusing on my dad, making sure that relationship was stable once again.
By the time dinner was over, I was able to multitask enough to hear what my father was saying and still have Tanner floating around in my mind. I tried to pay for the food, but as always, my father insisted on treating me. It made him feel good to take care of me, since he no longer was able to do so on a regular basis. I drove him back to my place, and he walked me up to the door, not wanting to really talk about what his next moves with Mom were. I stood outside, leaning in and squeezing my father, loving how safe I felt when I was wrapped in his arms. I felt safe with Tanner, too, just as safe as I did with my father, which was a huge revelation.
“I’ll see you soon,” Dad whispered. “And remember, don’t make any rash career choices, especially not when there’s emotion behind it. Do what is best for you, search out what you want the most, and don’t ever tell yourself you can’t achieve it.”
“Thanks, Dad,” I said as he pulled back and headed back toward the street. “I love you.”
“Love you too, sweetie.” He waved as I walked inside.
I shut the door behind me and looked around, realizing that Tanner had been hiding in my room. I sprinted back, but the place was empty, Tanner already gone. My heart sank, even though I knew it was insane to think he had waited there for me. I had left when the situation was flipped, and after what I had said, it would be hard to believe he wasn’t hurt. I picked up my phone and dialed his number, but he never picked up. I didn’t want to leave a voicemail since I wasn’t exactly sure what I wanted to say. I needed him to get in contact with me, to tell me everything was okay, but in reality, I wasn’t sure if it was. I sent him a text and closed my phone, waiting patiently for a reply that would never come.
He may be able to ignore my calls and texts, but that didn’t mean he could avoid me in person. I knew where he worked, and I would make sure to go in tomorrow and show up at his desk. I wasn’t going to let him push me out of his life, not after I realized how much I cared about him. I needed to apologize, I knew that, but my problem wasn’t my inability to apologize, it was the stubbornness I knew he had in him. He always talked about how stubborn my father was, but what he didn’t realize was when someone challenged him outside of his comfort zone, he was just as stubborn and frustrating. It was definitely going to be tough. Knowing that, I had to brace for a fight. Hopefully, I could get to him before he completely cut me out of his life.
I mean, he couldn’t ignore me when I laid it all out on the line. At least, I hoped that he couldn’t. No matter how many times he walked away, he would still hear the words, and that was important. Once they were in his mind, they couldn’t be erased, and no matter how much he was ignoring me, he really did care. I saw it in his face when he came over to check on me, I heard it in his voice when he gave me the week off, and I read it in his eyes as we made love on my couch. He could deny it to himself all he wanted, but he couldn’t fool me. There was no hiding himself from me because I’d grown to know him, to love him.
I went into my bedroom and picked out my clothes for the next day, wanting to look as good as possible. When I was done, I jumped in the shower and let the hot water run over me, washing the stresses down the drain. Finally, after so many days of worrying, I had my father back in my life, but it came at a price. I had lied to him and to myself about my feelings for Tanner, and now I had to fix things with Tanner before it was too late. My father told me I could do and have anything I put my mind to, and I wanted a relationship with my family and a relationship with Tanner at the same time. I just wasn’t sure if it was possible anymore.
Chapter 25
Tanner
It was Thursday, and after yesterday, I wasn’t even sure if I would make it to the weekend. I had deliberately separated myself from my emotions and feelings for Ava, but instead of giving me back my motivation, it left a hole. I felt down, bleak, and pretty empty inside, something that wasn’t going to fly when I met with the investors later on. I was wrapping up a meeting at that moment, but had no clue as to what we had talked about since my brain seemed to have gone in its own direction.
There was nothing worse than fighting your own brain to stay on cue. I knew that this would eventually end, and I would feel better someday, but it was not what I wanted to be going through at such a critical time for the business. I wanted to be focused, on my game, and ready to jump headfirst into this merger with everyone else. I had neglected everything because of the issues with Ava, and now that she had made it perfectly clear that she was not planning on seeing me anymore, I needed to get my life back.
I wasn’t angry per se, but I was definitely feeling hurt, and that was an emotion that I just didn’t know how to handle. I hadn’t been hurt by a woman since my ex, and even that was more angry-hurt than heartbroken. I had seen that breakup coming a mile away, but Ava, after what we had just been through, she definitely caught me off guard. It was hard to ignore her phone calls and texts, but I didn’t even know what to say to her, and it was seeming impossible to fight back or be angry with her. I sighed as I packed up my things and headed for the office, pausing as I passed inside, noticing Ava standing behind her desk. She looked up at me and blushed with an arm full of files. I turned toward her as she approached, wanting to smile, but keeping myself together and looking at her with confusion.
“Hi,” she said, approaching. “I wanted to give you these files. I didn’t want to interrupt the meeting, and it was already going when I got here, so I just sat it out.”
She stood there staring at me for several moments before I reached out and took the files from her hands. She looked beautiful, and she was wearing the tight red dress that I loved. I smiled awkwardly and looked through the files, realizing she had completed the work. When she had ever found the time to do that, I had no idea, but I wasn’t going to complain about it. I wanted her to stay at the company, to feel free to do her work, but I didn’t want her there if it was going to lead to awkward conversations and unneeded distractions. I could tell from the look on her face that she knew I’d heard her and her father’s conversation, but she hadn’t even tried yet, even through her texts, to explain herself. The only thing I could do was believe it was how she really felt and move on with my life. I wasn’t down for the games anymore, and I wasn’t going to chase someone who didn’t want to be with me.
“I gave you the whole week off,” I said, looking down. “You really need to decide what you’re going to do as far as staying here or not. You know I want you to stay with the company, but I can’t make the decision for you.”
She stood there staring at me as I finished up the files and gave each an initial on the left corner so she could move them on to the next section. I tried to ignore the look on her face, the tears welling up in her eyes, and the increased heart rate. I knew if I looked at her and saw her pain that I fold instantly, and I didn’t want to fold. I understood that she had been through a lot, and I understood that her father put her on the spot when he showed up unannounced, but when he did that to me, I didn’t in any way say anything that would hurt her. Sure, her father found out about us because of my phone, but it wasn’t thought out or intentional. She had thoughtfully told her father she wasn’t seeing me anymore, with the full knowledge that I could hear everything that they were saying.
I could feel the anger and hurt welling up in my chest, and I took a deep breath, finishing up the signatures and shoving the files back into her hands. I didn’t look at her face. I couldn’t, but I could feel her standing there staring at me. I turned to my secretary and tapped the desk.
“I don’t want to be disturbed for a while,” I said.
I walked away, moving into my office and shutting the door behind me. As soon as the door closed, I let out a deep breath, leaning back and rubbing my face with my hands. That was extremely hard to do, especially since I wanted to be near her, but at the same time I didn’t want to talk to her at all. I was really hurt, more than I had let myself know, and I didn’t even realize it until she was standing in front of me. Her calm voice and kind eyes hit me straight in the chest, and it sucked to even start to think about what could have been.
I walked over to the window in my office and looked out over the city, the cloudy sky reflecting my mood. Being there at work had always felt good, more homelike than it ever did in the penthouse. However, with the feeling in my chest and knowing that Ava was across the hall, feeling the same way, but with guilt on top of it, I just wanted to be at home on my couch, hiding from the world.
There weren’t many times in my life where I felt completely out of control. Actually, I prided myself on showing complete and utter control of everything in my life. I was irritated by the fact that I didn’t have control over how I felt about Ava. It was like my heart made a damn choice before my brain could even start to protest. It was bullshit, and it made me even angrier about the whole situation. Why couldn’t I just let it go? It didn’t help that the one person in my life that I could talk to happened to be the only person who shouldn’t hear the thoughts in my mind. Dean would normally be the perfect guy for advice in a situation like that, but Ava was his daughter, and at the current time, he wasn’t speaking to me.
I shook my head and turned around, stepping forward and freezing as Ava came bursting through my office door. Lily, my secretary was hurrying after her, a shocked and frightened look on her face. Ava stopped in the middle of the floor and crossed her arms, tears flowing down her cheeks. I couldn’t turn her away, not when she was so passionate about talking to me.
“It’s okay, Lily,” I said putting up my hand. “Give us a few minutes.”
“Yes, sir,” she said giving Ava a sharp glance and then walking back out of the office, closing the door behind her.
I crossed my arms and stared over at Ava who had relaxed a bit after I sent Lily away. She wiped the tears from her cheeks and took in a deep breath. I could tell she was running her next moves over in her head, knowing I didn’t have patience to sit and listen to her yell at me. I cared about her, but I was hurt and from that, my demeanor had become cold and stiff.
“What is it, Ava?”
She sighed and shuffled her feet in front of me, obviously not wanting to tell me. She was nervous, an emotion that I hadn’t seen on her before, and something that was raw in a way I couldn’t ignore. Still, I wasn’t in the mood for her games, nor was I wanting to stand here all day just to have me repeat what I had been doing over and over again.
“I want to say how sorry I am,” she said quietly.
“That’s a bit late,” I said turning to my desk.
“I didn’t mean that I didn’t want to see you again,” she said pleading.
“But you told him you weren’t seeing me anymore,” I replied.
“I know,” she sighed. “I panicked, I guess.”
“Ava, you have the perfect opportunity to stand up for us,” I said angrily. “You had the perfect opportunity to let him know that you cared about him, but that you cared about us, too. How many times do we have to go around and around with this. I know that I screwed up in this, too, but I never made you feel unimportant. I never pushed you so that you were hurt. You knew I could hear you in that room, but you said what you said anyway. And instead of coming in and trying to explain, you got clothes out of the laundry room. It wasn’t because you were trying to protect me. It was because you knew what you did was wrong and hurtful, and you were too much of a coward to face me.”
I slammed my pen down on the desk and looked down, not wanting to make eye contact with her. I could tell she was more than shocked at my outburst, and I had to admit, so was I. I hadn’t had any intention of letting her have it, of showing my weakness, but when I heard her apology, it was just too much for me to take. My mouth opened and everything spewed out, and there was no stopping it. I thought that if I let that happen, I would feel terrible about it, but I didn’t. I knew that people didn’t talk to Ava like that. They never let her know when she had done something wrong. Ava’s frail sensibility was always coddled by everyone in her life, but she needed to know she hurt me. She needed to understand that she couldn’t just say whatever she wanted and explain it away the next day, no matter how much I loved her.
And there it was, the reason I had been obsessing over it all. It was the reason I felt sick to my stomach at the thought of not having Ava close to me. It was the reason that no matter how much I didn’t regret telling her how it was, I still felt bad for saying anything that would hurt her. I loved the girl, whether I wanted to at that moment or not. I sighed, still looking down, not wanting to look up and lose my control over the situation. I could hear her sniffle.
“I’m sorry,” she whispered. “I will be back tomorrow to retrieve my things and bring back any files I had at home to work on.”
She turned and walked out of the office, and I didn’t say a single word. I knew I should stop her, grab her, tell her how much I loved her, but my brain wouldn’t let me. I was so hurt by it all and felt like I deserved to tell her how I felt. I didn’t want her to quit, to leave, but at that moment, I couldn’t look away from my hand grasping the pen in front of me as hard as I could. I stood up and walked over to the office door, slamming it so hard the pictures on the shelves rattled. I was so hurt that I had nowhere to direct it, and I knew that it was only a matter of time until that pain couldn’t be held in any longer.
Chapter 26
Ava
I knew why he was so upset, and I didn’t blame him at all, but I also realized that I might have just screwed up the first real relationship in my life, and just as I’d started to fall hard. I jogged across the hall, trying to hide my tears and grabbed my purse, walking out of the office and down the hall. As I made it past the conference room, I jumped at the sound of Tanner slamming his office door so hard that everyone looked up in fear. He was so angry and so hurt, and I was the reason for it. I broke his heart, a heart that I thought would never beat for me, not even for two seconds. I think I was just as shocked by that revelation as he was. I shook my head and continued to the elevator, letting the doors close before I let the tears continue falling down my cheeks. I leaned against the wall and closed my eyes, taking in a deep breath.
I had not only lost the man I loved, but I also just quit the job that I wanted since I was in my undergraduate program. I had somehow completely destroyed everything in my life, except for my relationship with my father. Don’t get me wrong, that was extremely important to me, but so was the rest of my life. I sighed as the elevator opened up, and I walked out, making my way to the curb and grabbing a cab. I needed to see Brianna, so that was where I headed.
When I got there, she was surprised to see me, but she was even more surprised at the fact that my face was puffy, and my eyes were red. She moved to the side and let me in, looking confused when I shuffled by. She closed the door and walked over to me, sitting down beside me and taking my hands. I shook my head and laughed through a sob, realizing how crazy I was sounding.
“My father came by yesterday, and Tanner was in the apartment,” I said starting my explanation. “He hid in my room while my father and I talked. When my dad asked if I was seeing Tanner anymore, I panicked and said no. He heard it.”
“Uh oh,” Brianna said.
“Wait, it gets worse,” I said drying my tears. “I went to work to try to talk to him, and he let me have it. He told me how hurtful I was, and then I quit, saying I would be back the next day to get my things.”
“Ava,” Brianna said, rolling her eyes. “Why do you insist on constantly torturing yourself?”
“I don’t know,” I sighed. “I have an internal block on my happy.”
“Well, you need to tell Tanner how you feel,” she said, shaking her head and walking over to her kitchen.
“What?” I didn’t want to admit my feelings. “I don’t feel any way toward him.”
Brianna grabbed two glasses and poured a bit of whiskey in each, walking over and handing me one. I leaned back and took a sip, sighing as the warmth hit my chest. Instantly, I began to calm down a bit, and I knew that Brianna wasn’t buying it at all. Why was it so hard for me to admit my feelings for Tanner? It wasn’t like Brianna gave a shit either way. She just wanted me to be happy.
“You know what I think?”
“What?” Here it comes.
“I think you are full of shit,” she said. “You show up at my door with obvious signs that you have been crying. You quit a job you had been working toward for years, and your story revolved around Tanner and how much you hurt him. I think you love him.”
“That’s ridiculous,” I snapped. “I’ve been seeing him for like two weeks, and he is the biggest playboy ever.”
“Well, from the sound of it, you have gotten to that playboy,” she smiled. “And you got to yourself as well. Ava there is nothing wrong with loving someone, with being happy with more than just work, but what is not okay is lying to yourself about it and ruining everything in your life to keep that lie.”
“It’s good, then, that you’re wrong, and I don’t love him.” I crossed my arms.
“You are absolutely impossible.” She sighed. “Seriously, you are so hell-bent on proving yourself that you’re hurting yourself. But hey, it’s not my love life, so I’ll leave you alone on it.”
“Thank you,” I said relaxing a bit.
“Come on,” she said, standing up and sticking out her hand. “We are going to get all dolled up and go out to Exclusives, the new club in Manhattan. Me and a guest are on the list.”
I did not feel like going to a club at all, but Brianna was all I had left, and I wasn’t about to fight her on this. I stuck out my hand and let her help me up, following her back to the bedroom. I sat down on the bed as she started pulling clothes from the closet, tossing me a tight, short, red dress. She disappeared into the other room, eyeing the dress. She wanted me to put it on, so I gave her a fake smile and stood up, undressing and sliding the dress over my head. I looked in the mirror and was impressed at how perfectly it hugged my curves. Unfortunately, when my eyes met my face, I cringed. I was puffy and red, something that did not go with the outfit.
“Okay,” she said, coming out in a black version of the dress. “Let’s see you. You look great!”
“Just one problem,” I said.
“What?”
“This face,” I said pointing at it. “I am scary and swollen.”
“Girl, don’t you know me by now? I got this.” She grabbed me by the wrist and pulled me into the bathroom.
By the time she was done curling, scrunching, and teasing my hair, and applying some seriously heavy makeup, I actually looked like a sexy twenty-something once again. I stared at myself in the mirror, shocked at the magic she performed. Now if only I felt as good on the inside as I did on the outside, I would actually feel like I was getting my life back. After that, we slipped on our heels and headed out, reaching the club relatively quickly.
When we walked in, the lights were flashing and the music was bumping and Brianna didn’t waste any time getting us a couple of shots and two strong drinks. I needed something strong that night since I couldn’t seem to get Tanner off my mind, and I was terrified I was going to start crying again. Nobody wanted to be the crying girl at the club, and there was always bound to be one of them. Instead, I started to drink copious amount of alcohol and get wasted. The music was sounding better and better every time I took a shot, and eventually, I found myself on the dance floor dancing by myself under the flashing strobe lights. I let go, allowing the alcohol to take over, forgetting everything shitty in my life and refusing to allow myself to think about Tanner.
Whatever happened between us was obviously over, and I had a huge play in its demise. There was nothing I could do about it, so instead of whining and crying, I was going to enjoy my night. Brianna was chatting up some hot guy in the corner as I danced around the dancefloor, feeling free to do whatever I wanted. I hadn’t been out to the club but a handful of times, but I definitely felt like I could get used to it. I wasn’t interested in the men at that moment, but I recognized that when I was, this was definitely the place to start of a conversation with one. No one that went to clubs were looking for happily ever after, they were looking for a one-night stand. Right now, I was just looking to dance away into oblivion with my Jack Daniels and my six-inch-heels. I closed my eyes and leaned my head back, feeling the room spinning around me.
“Hey, there,” a deep voice said as I opened my eyes.
He was handsome as hell with jet black hair, dimples, and the perfect smile. He had walked up to me on the dancefloor and his eyes roamed my body. While normally I would be interested, his mere presence did nothing but make me think about Tanner, something I did not want to do at all. I took in a deep breath and tried to push past the feeling, smiling back at him.
“Hey,” I said.
“What’s your name?”
“Ava,” I yelled over the music. “You?”
“Elliot,” he said, sipping his drink.
He set the drink down on the tray of a passing server and leaned in close to me. I could smell his cologne, but instead of turning me on, I felt a rock drop in the pit of my stomach. It wasn’t Tanner’s scent. I tried to ignore the feeling in my chest, but as his hand slipped around my waist, I knew I couldn’t do it. I pulled back and shook my head, turning quickly and setting my drink on the table. I walked quickly through the club, feeling like if I didn’t get air, I was going to suffocate to death. I burst through the exit door and took in a deep breath of the cold New York night. I started walking down the sidewalk, stopping half a block down and resting against a building. I ignored the stares as people walked by, knowing I looked like a drunk hooker.
I pulled out my phone and scrolled through the numbers, knowing who I wanted to call but hesitating for a moment. Screw it, I wasn’t going to let it go until I called. I dialed Tanner’s number and listened to it ring and ring, eventually switching to the voicemail. I groaned pulled the phone from my ear, hitting the end button. When the home screen came back, I realized it was late, after midnight, and it was a work night for Tanner. He was probably sound asleep in his bed. Just as I was getting ready to put my phone back in my purse, it rang, Tanner’s face popping up on the screen. I took in a deep breath realizing I had no choice but to answer.
“Hi,” I said quietly. “I’m so sorry that I called you that late. I didn’t realize the time.”
“Are you okay?”
“Yeah,” I sighed. “Just wanted to hear your voice, I guess.”
“Are you drunk?”
“Yeah,” I said. “Brianna dragged me out to this new club, and I was so upset I just started drinking.”
“You need to be careful out there all alone,” he said sleepily. “Go grab a cab and get home safely, okay?”
“Okay,” I said, bummed that he was trying to get off the phone.
“I’ll talk to you tomorrow,” he said.
“Tanner,” I called out, but he had already hung up.
I sighed and walked forward, hailing a cab. I had screwed up so bad, made him so angry, that he didn’t even want to talk to me for more than a few minutes. Two weeks ago, he would have come and gotten me, taking me back to his place. But now, well now, he was sleeping and treated me like I was some random girl calling him in the middle of the night. I didn’t understand how he could turn his emotions off so quickly, but I wanted to learn his trick. I was already tired of feeling the broken heart inside of my chest.
Chapter 27
Tanner
My office seemed lonely and quiet, and I wasn’t looking forward to Ava coming in and giving her resignation. I didn’t want her to leave, and I couldn’t lie that when she called me the night before, I had been still awake, thinking about her. I wanted so badly to jump in my car and go rescue her, bring her back to the penthouse, and make passionate love to her, but I didn’t think I could handle the aftermath. Our relationship had been up and down, over and over again, and my emotions were pulled to the thinnest they could go without snapping.
She had made her choice to not be with me and to quit, and I had to accept that, move forward, and not jump every time she called. I knew she wasn’t doing it on purpose. I knew she was confused as hell, but I didn’t know how to be there for that and not be aiding her in continuing that behavior. Even if I had rescued her the night before, she would have had to eventually stop going in these destructive circles that she was stuck in. I thought maybe if I removed myself from the equation, it would help break the cycle.
I looked up as Ava knocked on the doorframe, her clothes pressed but her hair pulled back and giant sunglasses covering her eyes. She reached up and pushed her glasses up on her head, revealing her tired and puffy eyes. I could tell that she had one hell of a hangover, and I tried my best to hide the smirk trying to creep over my lips. I sat up in the chair and motioned for her to come in. She pulled herself from the door frame and walked in, closing the door behind her, and wobbling slightly as she walked.
“Wow,” I said with a chuckle. “How was your night last night?”
“Ugh,” she groaned. “Full of liquor and anger. You know, the normal.”
“Why were you all alone outside when you called me?”
“I was dancing on the dance floor, lost in the music, and this guy hit on me,” she said shaking her head. “So, I left.”
Instantly, without warning jealously blew through me like wind. I gripped down on the chair arms and looked down at my computer screen, trying not to show her how much that bothered me. Why was she telling me this? To make me jealous? I didn’t even know how to respond to it, and I could tell she was not realizing what it sounded like. I took in a deep breath and relaxed my muscles, knowing that I needed to cool down. Even if it did bother me that a guy was hitting on her, obviously, she didn’t go home with him since she called me after leaving the club. Still, just the idea of some other man’s hands on her made me want to break something, or someone. I cleared my throat and glanced up at her, but she was too hungover to even realize that I was struggling with the thought of another man. I was thankful since I was trying to keep my composure. I took in a deep breath to say something, anything to clear the silence, but before I could respond she leaned forward and began to speak.
“I didn’t like it,” she said. “I didn’t like another man anywhere near me. Just his proximity to me made me miss you terribly, even after trying to drink your memory out of my head.”
“Really?” I was taken back by her words, but not because she felt that way, more because she was being honest about it.
“Yeah,” she sighed. “I went straight to Brianna’s yesterday when I left here, and though I didn’t want to go to the club, I didn’t know what else to do to get you out of my head. I missed everything about you and that guy’s cologne made me want to run away in tears, which was pretty much what I did. He probably thought he had an odor problem or something.”
“Serve’s him right,” I said angrily. She looked up and smiled, finally noticing the jealousy that I was no longer trying to hide.
She was being open and honest with me, even after how I had reacted to her the day before. I could see a desperation in her eyes that showed me she knew this was her last chance to talk to me about this, to make me want to forgive her. There was something about her that just melted me right there in my office chair. I should have been angry about that, having spent days building up a wall against any more heart break but I wasn’t. In fact, the feeling of anger leaving was a weight off my chest, and I felt like I could finally breathe again.
“Ava,” I said leaning forward. “Don’t do this. Don’t leave. I want you to stay with the company. There is so much here for you, and it would be stupid of you to walk away now. You were even brought up during the executive meeting earlier, and they couldn’t get enough of you. You are a jewel and important to everyone here.”
“I don’t know,” she said looking sad. “I don’t know what to do. I don’t know if I can come here every single day and look across the hall and see your face. I don’t know if I can keep my emotions away, always feeling like I need to make it up to you. I just don’t know what the right choice is.”
I sat there staring at her, not knowing what to do or say, but I knew I couldn’t let her go. I couldn’t let her walk away from this job, from everything, and from me. I started to doubt myself, feeling that I had lost control again, but this time I didn’t care anymore. I just wanted to have the right words come to me so that I could convince her to stay, to be there across the hall from me. I couldn’t promise her it wouldn’t be hard seeing each other every day, but that was not my worry at that point. My worry was that she was going to walk away, and I would never see her again, left without her expertise at MJ, and without her presence in my life. I had never felt fear like that before over a woman, and it was making me think about things I would have never thought about when I was single for the last decade. I wanted to be completely unselfish, needing her to be happy and well.
“Look,” I said leaning forward. “It’s obvious that I want to see you all the time, that hasn’t changed. But I’m asking you to stay for more than just selfish reasons. I want you to stay because there is so much opportunity here for you. The merger is here, and if you are part of that, you can go anywhere with your career. No one your age can say they were part of the leadership team in a multibillion-dollar merger. It is just unheard of, but you are the best person for the job. I don’t want you to miss out on that because you are unsure of us. Please, don’t do that. Take the weekend and really think about what you want, don’t just make a rash decision.”
She sighed and put her hands up to her face, stressing out by the amount of choices she was facing. She was so beautiful, and I wanted nothing more to go over to her and wrap my arms around her. She was the woman I wanted, no matter what decision she made, but I couldn’t say that, not yet. I needed to let her make this decision for herself. It was so difficult, though, and I couldn’t help but think about my life without her in it. Just the thought made me feel sick to my stomach, and I began to panic, thinking she was going to make the wrong decision. I didn’t know what the wrong decision for her was, though, only knowing that if she left, it would be the wrong decision for me.
Instantly, I felt the panic growing stronger and stronger. I stood up from my stool and walked around the desk, pulling Ava up from her chair. She looked at me with confusion in her eyes as I stared at her, my face crumpled in fear. I had never felt this way about any woman before in my life, and I knew that if I walked away from this now, never showing her how much I cared, I would regret it for the rest of my life. I pulled her in and hugged her tightly, feeling her body go from stiff to relaxed as she leaned into me. It felt so good to feel her near me, to have her breathing close to my chest. At that moment, I knew there was no way that I could let her go without a fight.
“I’m not asking you,” I whispered. “I’m begging you. Please don’t leave. Stay with me. Stay here at the company. Stay in my life. I don’t care in what way.”
She pulled back and looked at me with surprise, assuming I would never reach that level. In all reality, I never thought I would reach that level either, but it was like my heart wouldn’t allow my brain to be embarrassed about it at all. She looked at me, breathing hard, thinking about my words, her face softening. A small smile moved across her lips, and she shook her head.
“I don’t know what to say,” she whispered. “That was more than anyone has ever said to me before.”
“You don’t need to say anything at this point,” I said, pulling her back toward me.
I leaned down and tipped her chin toward me, pressing my mouth against hers and kissing her passionately. She reached her arms around my neck and hung there, allowing me to taste her skin, move my lips over hers, and rub my arms over her back. This seemed exactly perfect, more perfect than I had realized before, and I never wanted to let Ava go.
I had spent my entire life, looking forward, fighting through the rough patches to get to where I wanted to be. My company was almost taking over itself at that point, and my life was becoming less and less stressful. I hadn’t thought about starting a life outside of work for a very long time, but with Ava in my life, it seemed like I wasn’t going to have a chance to make any other decision.
I could feel her breathing heavily as I moved my lips over her mouth, across her cheek and down her neck. She moaned softly in my ear, and I went from desperate to prove to her she needed to stay to turned on and ready to show her just how much she needed to stay, for personal reasons. I took a deep breath and moved my hands up to her face, cradling it in my hands. I looked deep in her eyes and stood there, showing her without words how much I wanted her. She reached forward and gripped onto my shirt with her fists, pressing her abdomen against my crotch, rubbing up and down. I groaned, trying to keep my cool, but just having Ava touching me was setting me off.
I couldn’t keep my hands off her, and though this started as a desperate attempt to keep her at the company, it had quickly turned into an opportunity to show her just how much I wanted her. I looked over at the desk and back at her, curling my lips into a smile. This was one of my biggest fantasies.
Chapter 28
Ava
When Tanner looked me in the eye, I was done for. When he told me the truth, begged me to stay, I melted into a puddle at his feet, remembering how much I loved him. His kiss was loving but quickly turned passionate, and when he glanced over at the desk, I couldn’t help but feel electricity shooting through my chest. I reached up and kissed him hard and deep, allowing his hands to fall to my sides and grasp onto my skirt. Slowly he began to pull my skirt up, exposing my thigh high stockings and my black satin panties. I moaned quietly as he pulled it all the way up to waist, running his hand across my panties, and groping at my wetness. He stepped forward, moving my body with his strong arms, and pushing me up against the desk. I lifted myself into a sitting position and spread my legs open, running my hand down the huge bulge in his pants.
I pushed back on his desk, moving the papers behind me and pulling my knees up. I pushed him backward and he fell into the chair, smiling mischievously at me. I bit my bottom lip and pulled my panties aside, slowly rubbing my fingers through my folds, feeling my juices flowing. He groaned rubbing his cock through his pants and staring down at my pussy. I took my fingers and put them in my mouth, sucking on them deeply before pushing them inside of myself.
“Yes,” he groaned, watching me finger myself.
“You, too,” I said smiling. “Pull out your cock.”
A huge grin began to spread across his face as he unbuckled his pants, pulled his zipper down, and reached into his boxers. He groaned loudly as he pulled his cock from his pants and ran his hand up and down the shaft. It was so hard and red, and I could tell he wanted to fuck the hell out of me. I stared down as he fisted his cock softly, watching intently as my fingers moved in and out of my juices. I reached up with my other hand and began to rub my clit, leaning my head back and biting my lip, trying not to be too loud. The heat in my stomach grew with every stroke of his cock. I loved to watch him watch me. I loved to feel his eyes on me and know how much he wanted me. Just knowing the pleasure between his palms was waiting to push into me, made me move my fingers faster over my nub.
As I pushed in and out of myself with my fingers, I could feel myself falling over the edge of pleasure as he began to fist his cock, leaning forward licking his lips. I pulled my fingers out and wrapped my hand over my mouth, muffling the sounds of my screams as my other had rubbed my clit over the edge. My back arched and I rolled my eyes back, moaning into my hand. I could hear Tanner standing from his chair and felt his fingers enter me, pushing my pleasure to new heights. As my orgasm began to slow, he grabbed my thighs and pulled me off the desk, turning me around and pushing me down on the desk
Tanner’s hands grasped me around the waist and he spread my legs apart. I could feel the animal magnetism surging through his body as he leaned forward, ramming his cock deep inside of me. I bit down on my fist as he filled me completely, his huge cock pulsing in and out of my pussy. He reached up and slapped my ass, causing me to lurch, trying not to let loose and scream out in ecstasy. His cock felt so good banging into my body over and over again. I could hear him grunting softly as he thrust his hips into me.
I reached across the desk and grasped onto the sides, trying to strengthen myself, keeping the desk from shaking and moving. Tanner reached around and ran his hand between my legs, running his fingers around my clit. I tilted my hips upward, opening up for him to push deeper and harder, wanting so badly to moan out loud, and let him hear just how good he felt. He grabbed my hips and began to smack into me, no longer giving a shit about who might hear us. I moaned loudly into my arm, allowing him to hear just enough to stay secret. He groaned into my shoulder as he slapped into me, lifting my feet slightly from the floor with each thrust.
“God,” he groaned. “I’m gonna come.”
“Yes,” I moaned out. “I want to feel you. Fuck me harder.”
He growled and sat up slamming into me as hard as he could, feeling his cock begin to harden and pulse inside of me. I reached down with one hand and rubbed my clit feverishly, wanting to feel this orgasm rock my body. As my fingers danced across my nub, and his cock slid deep inside of me, I pulled my head upward and moaned with my mouth closed, feeling the juices in my pussy explode around his shaft.
“Fuck, yes,” he moaned as he thrust several more times before grabbing my waist and pushing deep inside.
The waves of pleasure washed over my body, and I could feel his cock begin to twitch in my pussy. He pushed into me further and further until he tucked his head into my neck and groaned loudly in my ear. His fingers dug into my sides when he erupted in pleasure. Our bodies tensed against each other’s and while my pussy vibrated wildly around his cock, he gave my wetness the same treatment. After several moments, we both began to quiet, the waves of pleasure dissipating. He slowly pulled out of me, kissing my back and shuffling backward, his pants still around his ankles.
I groaned as I pulled myself up off the desk and pulled my skirt back down, grabbing onto the desk to catch my wobbly knees. Tanner looked up and laughed as I stumbled around, completely caught off balance from that amazing sex. He tucked in his shirt and walked over to me, smoothing the fly away hairs down to my head. He grabbed me around the waist and pulled me in, kissing me passionately on the lips. It felt so damn perfect, and I could no longer ignore the feeling in the pit of my stomach. When he pulled back I looked up at him and smiled.
“Is this how you get what you want?”
“Did it work?” He laughed and kissed me again.
“I know one thing, I can check off fucking on the office desk, something I always wanted to do,” I smiled. “Not that I wouldn’t do it again, just saying.”
“You dirty girl,” he said biting his lip.
“I say we do the copy room next,” I said, laughing. “Get some good pictures as you pound me.”
“Can I hang them on the lost document board?”
I leaned my head back and laughed, pulling him into me. He smelled so amazing, and I pressed my head against his chest, taking in a deep breath. There was something so freaking sexy about him, and how he handled himself. The last thing I imagined when I came to his office was having hot sex on his desk. He had been so open and honest with how he wanted me to stay, and my feelings for him just freed me from any guilt. I still wasn’t sure what I was doing, but I did know that it felt good and I was going to go with it as long as I could.
“That was unexpected,” he said.
“It was,” I replied. “But it was a happy surprise. I missed your scent, your feel, your arms around me. I have been up for days thinking about you. I haven’t been able to get past any of this. I am glad my father is back in my life, but I never meant to have you leave it. After spending this time apart, I realized just how strongly I felt for you. I want to make sure that we are honest with each other from this moment forward.”
“I agree,” he said. “Our relationship has gotten out of control, and it was ruined by all the secrets and lies. I don’t want any more lies, even with Dean. I want to make sure we’re on each other’s side instead of working against each other. I know that everything was very stressful for you when your father showed up, but I never want to be in that situation again with either one of you. You are so special, so beautiful, and I have been completely lost thinking that I was going to completely lose you from my life.”
“I don’t want to go anywhere,” I said, hugging him tightly. “I just have never felt this close or attached to anyone in my life. I honestly need you in every way possible.”
“So where does that leave us?”
I stood there and looked up at his charming smile, unable to even think about walking away from him at that point. We already knew that the most important thing was to be honest with each other, which should eliminate a lot of the stress in our relationship. However, I still had my father to think about, and because of me, he thought I wasn’t seeing Tanner anymore. It was the last lie that needed to be cleared up, and it was going to be a tough one because I had already made up with my dad. Either way, I needed to make things right with him to feel comfortable about dating Tanner at all.
“I don’t know,” I said. “I need to straighten all of this out with my father. He deserves honesty as much as we do toward each other.”
“I agree,” he said smiling. “Dean deserves that respect, especially after everything we’ve put him through.”
“Okay,” I said taking in a deep breath and stepping back. “I am going to go ahead and take the rest of the day off like I was originally going to do anyway. I need to formulate my plan to talk with my father.”
“Go relax,” he said smiling. “Everything is almost back to normal. The only thing left to do is talk to your father, and then, the decisions can be made from there. Either way, I want to talk with you when everything has come full circle. Can you do that for me?”
“Of course,” I said, feeling like I was starting to have a partner and not just someone fighting against me.
I kissed him on the nose and made sure my clothes were straight before leaving the office. Lily didn’t even look up when I left, and I assumed that we had been quiet enough. I walked into my office and grabbed my purse, looking over and blushing as I caught Tanner staring out of his doorway at me. I felt like I was on cloud nine, even though there were still some serious issues to resolve.
I climbed into the elevator and watched as the doors closed, feeling my heart beating wildly in my chest. As soon as the doors had slid shut, a huge smile spread across my face, and I leaned my head back against the elevator mirror. This whole situation had been such a roller coaster of emotions. I couldn’t wait until it was all over, and I could go back to my life, could bring Tanner into my life permanently and not have to wonder from hour to hour whether we were seeing each other or not. The suspense had to be over.
Chapter 29
Tanner
I watched as Ava left her office, chuckling to myself at how much her cheeks blushed when she realized I was watching her. It was like everything that had happened over the last couple of weeks had finally began to settle. There was only one more conversation that needed to happen in order for Ava to feel comfortable with us becoming an official couple. I hadn’t meant to sleep with her, and in fact, I was completely prepared to say goodbye to her, but as she sat there, showing how much I affected her, I couldn’t help it. I lost all ability to control the situation, and I begged her to stay. I didn’t regret it, though, I knew that if I didn’t go all in and do my best to let her know how much I wanted her in my life, I would never feel at ease if things didn’t work out. There was still a chance that things could backfire, but I was ready to put myself on the line and wouldn’t let my fears of commitment or love get in the way of attempting to keep Ava in my life.
Ava, at that moment, was staying with the company, but I knew it was confusing for her, and she wouldn’t feel comfortable making any decision without letting her father know the entire truth. At the same time, I needed to make peace with Dean, let him know how much I cared for his daughter. He would never go along with any of it if he still harbored such a strong animosity toward me. I got up and closed my door, wanting privacy when I made this phone call. I knew there was a good chance that Dean was going to either not answer at all or turn me down for the chance to talk, but I had to give it a shot. If Ava talked to him before I had a chance to make things right as his friend, I might lose her before I even had a chance to try.
I dialed Dean’s number and listened as it went to voicemail. I hung up and sat there, staring at the phone, trying to figure out what to do next. I didn’t know where he was or where I could find him, and I wasn’t going to show up at their house in case Lindy was there alone. She didn’t like me, and I really had never been very fond of her either. A face-to-face with her was not something I was interested in having at all. I picked the phone back up and dialed him again, hoping he would get the hint that it was important. To my surprise, he answered the phone.
“Tanner,” he said, not sounding too excited to hear from me.
“Dean,” I said in a kind voice. “I think that it’s important that we get together and talk. Not only do I want to try to work through all of this, but I need to talk to you about Ava as well.”
“Is she alright?”
“Yes,” I said calmly. “Yes, sorry, she’s fine. This is a more personal conversation.”
“Alright,” he said with a sigh.
“How about lunch in an hour? We can meet at that deli you like on Ninth,” I suggested.
“Sounds good. I will see you then,” Dean said, hanging up the phone.
He never was a big talker on the phone, and I was pretty sure his shortness also had something to do with the fact that he wanted to see me killed. I finished a few things up at work and headed out toward the deli, taking a cab to not look so pretentious. When I arrived, Dean was standing out front, early as usual. I got out of the cab and walked up, shaking his hand and leading him into the deli. We ordered some sandwiches and took a seat at a table in the back corner. Immediately, we sprang into conversation.
“Listen, Tanner,” Dean said. “I am not going to be angry about this forever, it isn’t worth it. I have forgiven my daughter, and I can learn to forgive you as well.”
“That is amazing news,” I said letting out a deep breath. “You are and always have been my closest friend. We only just made our way back to talking terms, and I don’t want to lose that progress. I think that it’s important that we start having a full disclosure policy. Lies have caused a lot of issues for everyone.”
“I couldn’t agree more,” he said, lifting his coke and tapping my glass.
“I’m glad you feel that way,” I said getting nervous. “And in that spirit, I want to talk to you about Ava.”
“I figured that this would turn into something about Ava and yourself,” he said, leaning back. “Alright, hit me. I will be as open as I possibly can.”
I smiled at the server who brought our food over and set it down in front of us. I took a deep breath and let it out, nervous to talk to Dean about this. It wasn’t like talking to the normal father of the girl you wanted. It was talking to my best friend about his daughter.
“I guess I’ll just come out with it then,” I said, shaking my head. “I’m in love with Ava.”
“Alright,” he said, seeming not surprised at all.
“I would do anything in the world to protect her,” I said, trying to make him understand how sincere I was being. “I haven’t felt this way about a woman since my ex, many, many years ago.”
I took a deep breath and leaned back in my chair, thinking about everything that had happened. I didn’t want to sound pitiful, but I knew the only way Dean would soften was if he truly believed that I cared about Ava. The only way he would truly believe would be from my complete and utter candor. I had to be truthful and vulnerable about the situation.
“She’s struggling with it, though,” I said continuing. “She’s terrified of what you’ll think, how you’ll feel about this, and how you’ll react. Without yours okay, she won’t be with me. She is a mixture of personalities, and though she’s dedicated to her professional future, she’s also determined to keep her roots. I’m not part of those roots, so I am relatively expendable I suppose, and she’s struggling with whether she should be a part of my life or not.”
Dean leaned back and began to laugh, first just a chuckle and then it turned into a full-out belly laugh. I sat there confused as to why he was laughing, not sure what to do in that situation. Was he mocking me? I didn’t think, so but you could never be sure with him.
“She’s a smart girl,” he said, still laughing.
I sat there for a second, completely unable to speak or move. Fear flooded me at the thought that Dean was not going to accept Ava and I as a couple. I knew no matter how much it hurt Ava, she would stand by whatever her father said. I was stunned that he was holding that position, almost making fun of me as I sat there completely open to him. I sighed and pushed my tray away, emotions that I hadn’t had in a very long time starting to flood my mind. I hadn’t even thought that not having Ava in my life was a possibility. In the end, I really thought that Dean would open up to the idea and eventually give his blessing. As he sat there laughing, though, I could see something in his eye that resembled revenge. I couldn’t allow myself to think that this man would put his needs and anger above his daughter’s wants.
I sat there watching him as he had a good time, still laughing from the joke he was playing over and over in his head. I put my head in my hands and could feel a serious lump in my throat. I couldn’t accept losing Ava. She was obviously the woman I wanted to spend my life with. It took me ten years to find her, and now I knew if it didn’t work out, I would spend the rest of my life alone, without ever creating my own family. Dean looked over at me, and his jolly face faded to a serious one. I could tell he didn’t realize just how serious I was taking the conversation. He stopped laughing and cleared his throat, leaning over toward me.
“Okay, okay,” he said taking in a deep breath. “You may be an asshole sometimes, but I believe that you actually love Ava. I believe you will do everything you can to make her feel better, to protect her, and to support her in life. The age difference is a bit of a shock, but I do know that in a lot of cases, age is only a number. I give you my blessing to be with Ava as long as that is what she wants as well. You are two mature, grown people who are more than capable of making your own decisions and knowing the repercussions of your actions.”
“Thank you, Dean,” I said feeling relieved. “Now the other issue is us I want you back in my life as my best friend.”
“Fine, but no girl talks while you’re dating Ava,” he said scrunching his nose.
“Ew, man, ewe,” I said shaking my head.
“Hey gotta lay ground rules,” he said chuckling.
We spent the rest of lunch talking about life, about Lindy, and about the next steps Dean wanted to take in his life. I offered for him to come back to MJ, but he just laughed, saying he was tired of the executive world. He had made more money than he and Lindy could spend in their lifetimes, and he wasn’t interested in taking a job that would just stress him out and leave him exhausted from life. When we were done with lunch, we walked outside, laughing about something ridiculous Dean had said. He turned to me and reached out his arm. We embraced, his hand slapping my back.
“I’m glad we had this talk,” he said. “Now, this time, let’s try not to throw any weird secrets in the mix just a few days later.”
“You got it, man,” I said laughing.
I walked to the cab and climbed in, watching Dean walk down the street. He had his hands in his pockets and he was strolling along, with a face that looked as if he didn’t have a care in the world. I was envious of that carefree nature but at the same time extremely excited that Dean had given his blessing for Ava and me to see each other. I wanted to call her, to give her the exciting news, but she needed to talk to her father first. She needed to tell him how she felt and hear the blessing straight from his mouth. She really cared what her father thought about everything, and she wasn’t going to be satisfied until he told her himself that he supported our relationship.
Part of me worried that talking to Dean before she had was a mistake, but at the same time, Dean would not have been as supportive if he hadn’t been in front of me, listening to how I felt about Ava. He knew I was sincere and knew this wasn’t just a trick to keep her in my bed. He knew me better than anyone on the planet, and he could spot bullshit a mile away. Now, I just had to make sure Ava remembered that feeling between us from earlier and made her way back into my arms.
Chapter 30
Ava
I woke up on Saturday morning with my father and Tanner on my mind. There was so much going on in my life, and I couldn’t find the ability to sort it out myself. I felt slightly broken, worn down from the stress of fighting with my father, the emotional roller coaster that was my relationship with Tanner, and the fact that I wasn’t sure what to do about MJ. My career was really important, but I was smart enough that I didn’t need to stress out so much about it. Tanner was the biggest thing on my mind. My father was about to find out that I’d lied to him again, and though it was still uncertain as to where my future with Tanner was going, I knew that I loved him, and I needed to try to get to the point where we could figure it all out without the stress of sneaking around and worrying about the lies in the background.
I shuffled out of my bedroom and walked into the living room, plopping down on the couch and looking out of the window. It was sunny, but from the chill in the apartment, it must be cold outside, something I really loved about autumn in New York. I could break out the sweaters and boots earlier than most other places. However, at that moment, I only wanted hot coffee and a warm blanket and maybe a really good conversation with my father. I leaned over and grabbed my phone, dialing my father’s number, expecting to leave a message. To my surprise, he picked up and seemed cheerier than normal.
“Hey, Daddy,” I said. “What are you doing?”
“I just got to the city,” he said happily. “I was thinking about you.”
“You want to come over?”
“That sounds perfect,” he said kindly. “I’ll be over soon.”
We hung up the phone, and I grabbed the fleece out of the closet, not wanting to turn on the heat just yet. The day was fresh and there was a good likelihood it would warm up into the sixties outside later, which would raise the temperature of the apartment to a comfortable seventy-four or seventy-five degrees. This was the time of year I could save some money on the crazy electric bill that New York weather produced. I lay there bundled up on the couch for quite a while, my head on the pillow, and my eyes gazing out at the tree in front of the window. There were people out walking their dogs, taking their children to the park, and doing other normal Saturday activities. Part of me was jealous, wanting to have that kind of life as well. However, in order to do so, I needed to get through this first part of things, telling my father the truth.
I was pretty sure my father was going to show up with either coffee, breakfast, or both, which was fine with me since I had completely forgotten to buy coffee or groceries for that matter. Everything had been a mess recently, so much that I was thankful I had remembered to brush my teeth everyday much less keep up with the grocery shopping. I got up and bounced to the door as soon as I heard the knock, opening the door and hugging my father. I took the bags from his hands and walked over to the table, sitting down and unloading the breakfast. He sat down a coffee in front of me and smiled.
We started talking immediately, having our normal chitter chatter about the city and the weather before talking about anything else. My father seemed happy, something I hadn’t seen in a really long time. He was always so stressed out when I was growing up and part of that had to do with my mother and her constant nagging.
“You know what I thought about the other day?”
“What’s that, sweetie?” He leaned back in his chair.
“The time Mom and I went upstate to that amusement park,” I said smiling. “Neither one of us like roller coasters, so we spent all day eating candy and riding the Merry Go Round.”
“That was when I couldn’t get off work,” he said laughing.
“Yeah,” I replied. “It was such a good day. What happened to Mom?”
“The same thing that happens to almost everyone,” he said sighing. “You pass on life experiences over and over, and then one day, you’re terrified that you missed out on life. That was what, or is what, your mother is going through.”
“But she’s hurting everyone else around her,” I said, “which kind of sounds like someone else I know.”
“Oh, sweetie,” he laughed. “You are not going through the same thing. You’re young, and you’re testing the waters. You’re figuring out who you are and what you want.”
“It’s funny how I want both sides of the fence,” I said, looking down at my sandwich. “I want the career and the personal life. I don’t want to have to make a choice like you and Tanner had to. I want it all.”
“And you can have that,” he said laughing. “You are much smarter than me.”
“Dad,” I said, thinking about Tanner. “What you and I have, how close we are, is extremely important to me. I’d go to any lengths to keep it intact.”
“I would too, baby,” he said kindly.
“That being said, my relationship with Tanner is just as important to me,” I said, looking up at him and waiting for a reaction.
I waited for a moment as he played the words over in his head. He tapped his finger on the glass tabletop underneath his hand, and slowly his face softened. He sighed and smiled slightly, and I let out a deep breath. He chuckled slightly and took a sip of his coffee, obviously not surprised at all about anything I’d said. I was confused, but I didn’t want to ask any questions. I just wanted to hear what he had to say about it.
“I already knew all of this,” he said with a smile. “Yesterday afternoon, I met with Tanner. We hashed a lot of things out. And before the lunch was over, he was extremely honest about how he felt about you. I know when that man is lying, but I saw tears in his eyes when he talked about how important you are to him and how much he loves you. So, I gave him my blessing, as long as you felt the same way.”
“Oh,” I said, taken back by what he was saying.
We continued talking for a couple of hours, but my mind was back on Tanner. I should be ecstatic, seeing that my father was on board with us dating, but I wasn’t. Tanner had gone behind my back and talked to my father, and didn’t say anything about it to me. We had just gotten done promising each other a fresh start, a clean slate, and a relationship with no lies. Here I was again, finding out that what he told me was not the truth. How could he go and do that? I knew he did it to make my father feel he could trust him again, but still, the partnership I thought we had was not going to happen the way I wanted it to. Instead, I was sitting there thinking about how he had betrayed me again.
My father didn’t seem to notice that I was upset, which was good, because I didn’t want him to be involved in any of this anymore. He had come to terms with my job, my relationship, and the fact that I had lied to him. From there on out, it was going to have to be me dealing with Tanner the way I thought was best. I couldn’t figure out why my heart wanted to see him but my brain was screaming at me to be angry. Everything was complicated all over again, and I was really looking forward to getting this over with and moving on, with Tanner and I receiving the opportunity for a fresh start. It was all too good to be true from the start, and I should have been prepared for something like that. Again, I was left dizzy after being sideswiped by the man I loved. It was starting to get annoying how much I had to deal with.
“All right,” Dad said, stretching his arms out. “Can I help you clean this up?”
“No,” I said snapping back to the present. “I got this.”
“I’m going to head out,” he smiled. “I have a tennis match with a few guys from the office. Gotta keep myself in shape.”
“Okay,” I said happily. “Thank you for breakfast and coffee.”
“Anytime, sweetheart,” he said. “Anytime. You just call me.”
“I will,” I said walking him to the door.
We embraced, and he kissed me on the cheek before walking out. I closed the door and locked it, standing there staring and thinking about what I had just found out. I sighed and walked back to the table, cleaning up the trash and wiping it down. When I was done, I grabbed my cell phone and laid down in my bed, staring at the ceiling. I dialed Brianna’s number and laid there, waiting for her to answer.
“Hey, girl,” she said happily.
“Hey,” I sighed.
“Uh oh,” she replied. “What happened? Tell me all about it.”
“I went to work yesterday to apologize to Tanner, and we ended up making up,” I explained. “We promised each other no more secrets and no more lies. The last thing left was to break the news to my father. Well, Dad came over today, and I told him that Tanner was important in my life.”
“And your dad freaked out?”
“No, actually the opposite,” I replied.
“Okay,” Brianna said confused. “So, what’s the problem?”
“He felt that way because Tanner took him to lunch yesterday and told him about his feelings for me,” I said. “He didn’t even warn me that he had done that.”
“And you are angry over this,” she said without emotion.
“Of course, I am,” I scoffed. “He immediately went out and betrayed my trust again.”
“Ava,” she said with a sigh. “You need to get your shit together. Tanner didn’t do anything wrong. You’re just mad because you don’t have any more excuses.”
“I don’t know what you are talking about.”
“Yes, you do,” she said. “You are being a pussy, and the longer your father is upset with Tanner, the longer you can wait to tell him exactly how you feel about him. You’re scared. But Ava, your fear is completely ruining your life.”
“What am I supposed to do? This was not in my plans,” I said with emotion.
“When is love ever in the plans? You need to tell Tanner how you feel, lay it all out for him, and then see where the chips fall,” she said. “Stop being so scared. it’s your biggest hindrance. Everyone who knows you knows that. You’re just too scared to see it yourself.”
We talked for a few more minutes before hanging up. I sat up in the bed and replayed her words over in my head, chuckling arrogantly as I attempted to blame away her response. However, as the thoughts of how I handled us that whole time played in the back of my mind, I realized that she might be right. Maybe I didn’t spill my guts every time I had a feeling, but that was what was keeping me going. I had amazing walls that even Tanner couldn’t completely knock down. The problem was, I wasn’t sure if I was ready to let that guard down.
Chapter 31
Tanner
So much for Sunday fun day as I hadn’t heard from Ava at all. I woke up in the morning and took a shower, checking my phone several times to see if she had called. I went out into the kitchen and cooked myself an omelet and some toast. When I was done eating, I took my coffee in the living room and decided to try to distract myself by watching some Sunday morning cartoons. It was my dirty little secret. I was never allowed to watch them as a kid, so even though they were terribly boring, I almost always put them on as an adult, even if they were in the background.
That morning I was staring right at the screen, but they were still in the background. Dean and I had really hashed things out at lunch two days prior, and I felt better about our relationship. He had given me his blessing on dating Ava, but I figured it was important that she talk to him herself. On Saturday, I kept my phone on but never heard anything from Ava. I ended up going into work and getting caught up on things I had neglected over the past couple of weeks, assuming that by the evening I would have word but still nothing from her. To say that I was frustrated was an understatement, and I wanted to text her but I didn’t want to bother her if she was with her family.
I was sure, by that point, that Ava would have contacted me, letting me know that she had spoken with Dean and that she had gotten the same blessing. Having not heard from her, I could only assume that her silence meant she hadn’t yet told him. I was a little bit irritated by this fact, but at the same time, she knew what she was doing when it came to her father. I needed to start trusting that Ava was going to be honest with me like we had promised each other. At that point, there was no reason to even start lying to each other. Things had finally slowed down and calmed down, which meant my focus would soon return, and Ava and I could have a real relationship.
I finished my coffee and stood up, walking over to the window and looking out at the foggy New York morning. It was starting to get bitingly cold outside, but instead of turning on the heat, I went and changed into a sweatshirt and slippers. Having a top floor penthouse had its ups and downs, and when it got cold, my apartment seemed to be freezing. However, as the sun would peek out, my apartment also seemed to heat up better than any other I had experienced. It was a double-edged sword. Either way, the cold only distracted me for a minute, and when Ava came back to my mind, I decided it would be best if I just called her.
I dialed her number and walked back in the living room, sitting down on the couch. She answered on the second ring, but instead of her normal sunshine self, I was greeted with a grumpy tone. Immediately, her tone of voice made me know that something was wrong, but I had no idea what it could be. She sat there quietly on the phone, waiting for me to say something. I didn’t want to upset her but it was more than a little frustrating to have back in another bad mood, avoiding me at every turn.
“How are you this morning?”
“Fine,” she said with a monotone voice.
“Just fine?”
“Look, I have things to do,” she said with irritation. “Do you need something specific?”
“No,” I said bitterly. “I was just calling to see what was going on, I hadn’t talked to you in a couple of days.”
“Everything is fine, Tanner,” she replied. “If there’s nothing else, I’m going to go.”
Okay, I had had enough of this shit. I was constantly turning the corner and having the wind knocked out of me for something else that Ava found irritating. It was like she didn’t realize the world didn’t revolve around her. Everyone was different, had different lives, and different interests, but she was acting as if everyone thought the same way she did. It was extremely frustrating when she would get angry, and I had no idea what was going on.
“What is up with you?” I no longer could play the good guy.
“Oh, I don’t know,” she said sarcastically. “Maybe the fact that promises to be truthful to each other mean absolutely nothing.”
“Okay, what are you talking about?” I asked.
“You had lunch with my father before I even could get him on the phone,” she said. “You talked to him about us, and then you didn’t even extend the courtesy to let me know what he’d said. I looked like an idiot when I brought us up. We had just had a whole conversation about no more lies or holding things from each other, and you did it anyway.”
I was pissed—no, beyond pissed—because she was doing it again. She was thinking of every possible reason to get out of having a normal conversation about a relationship. She had built her walls up so high that she was nothing more than a bitter woman who was running full steam away from her past. The problem was, she was trying to make me her past, and I wasn’t willing to make that happen without a fight. Her tone of voice told me she was looking for a fight, and if that were the case, I could easily give it to her. In reality, though, I needed her to understand what she was doing, because in her mind it seemed to be a protective instinct. On the outside, she was just angry and pushing and pulling me back and forth, depending on where her fear and emotions were landing that day.
“I’ve had enough,” I snipped.
“What?”
“You know what I think?” I took a deep breath and knew this was dangerous territory. “I think you’re a coward, a woman who is too afraid to be happy so you sabotage relationships. I think you are looking for every minute excuse to break it off with me. You want to be with me, but you’re picking fights because you’re scared. Well, I refuse to be the guy that falls for your anger. I am going to sit through this with you, and in the end, you’re going to see that I care, but you’re making it really hard for me to have empathy for you.”
“Excuse me?” She was pissed.
“Ava, I love you, but you’re pushing me away every chance you get,” I said angrily. “You should be glad I went to your father first. Otherwise, he would have been still pissed at me when you revealed your feelings. I didn’t want to take away from an understanding with your father, so I waited to tell you. I didn’t lie to you. I just didn’t relay information to you at a speed in which you were comfortable.”
“I don’t need this,” she said angrily.
“You don’t need what? Me? A normal life? A successful career?” I stepped up the tone of my voice. “What do you want, Ava? You want me to be honest, so there you have it. You are terrified of a real relationship, and until you can stop yourself from sabotaging everything good in your life, you are going to be miserable.”
With that I hung up, not wanting to fight with her any longer. She was not going to admit to me that I was right. She wasn’t even going to admit to herself that I was right. How was I supposed to have a relationship with a woman who did everything she could to come up with excuses why she couldn’t be in a relationship? Every time she did it, my heart sunk a little lower. Everything was supposed to turn out right, everything had turned out right, but now Ava was sabotaging it because she was terrified of having everything that she wanted. With her and I as a couple, she would have the family life she wanted, the career she wanted, the family closeness she wanted, and she would be able to handle it all with laughter and humor. Instead, she was pushing everything extra to the side and just making it way harder than it needed to be. I was starting to get angry over it all, but who knew what had been said during her meeting with her father.
I doubted very strongly that Dean would go behind my back, but I also knew Dean would have told her I met him for lunch. Sure, I could have told her about it right away, but I was trying to respect her space and give her the opportunity to talk to her father before any decisions were made. I picked my phone back up and scrolled through the numbers, landing on Dean’s name. I wanted to know what he told her, ask him if he had changed his mind, and figure out just how to fix all of it.
“Hello,” Dean said happily.
“Hey, brother,” I replied with a sigh.
“Uh oh, what happened?”
“I need to ask you a question,” I said.
“Shoot,” he said. “I’ll try to answer you the best way possible.”
“Ava is pissed at me for talking to you at lunch,” I said. “I was hoping you could tell me what, if anything, you talked about with her over lunch. Anything you can think of that may have sent her over the deep end.”
“Nothing,” Dean said. “We talked about life, and I told her that she had my blessing for starting a relationship with you. Other than that, we didn’t really talk about anything. Why?”
“I just got a call from her pissed at me because I talked to you before her,” I replied. “I wanted her to be able to make up her own mind without influence from our conversation. It seems that was the wrong thing to do, and now she’s pushing me away for yet another project.”
“I’m sorry, man,” Dean said. “I wish I could help you, but I have no idea why she is acting that way.”
“It’s alright,” I said. “Thanks for giving it a try.”
I hung up the phone with Dean and sat back down on the couch, trying to think about what my next move should be. I was extremely disappointed that Ava didn’t tell me that her father had given her the blessing as well. Now, it almost seemed like she didn’t want anything to do with me. She had read into something that happened and instead of coming to me and asking questions, she lost her nuts and bolts on me, trying to keep herself a safe distance from me. I thought for sure that once her father agreed to feel okay with us being together, she would jump right into growing and strengthening our relationship. I was wrong though, and now I was left feeling just as bad as before.
Dean had tried to be helpful, but he was tired, and hadn’t been there when she and I had talked, so he didn’t see what I saw on a daily basis. She would pull me in and then throw me backward, wishing for calmness and normality, but when she was offered the chance, she ran in the opposite direction. I loved this woman, and I wanted to be with her, but things had to change, loosen up a bit. She had to start listening to her heart instead of her brain, which seemed to be too much for her. Maybe too much to take the second chance we’d been gifted.
Chapter 32
Ava
Mondays were always the worst, especially when you spent your Sunday getting chewed out by the guy you loved because you couldn’t get your shit together enough to allow yourself to be happy. Monday mornings were the worst when you opened your tired eyes to the bright sun coming in your window or the loud as hell alarm that was asking to be thrown across the room. Monday cab rides to work were the worst because you just wanted to sleep while you sat in traffic, but the cab always smelled like egg sandwiches or stale coffee and cigarettes. Mondays at work were the worst because you had to pretend to be awake while being dragged into meetings and being expected to be coherent enough to answer questions about work you spent the last two and half days desperately trying to forget.
That Monday, the one I woke up feeling like I had been told more about myself in a couple sentences, than I had learned about myself in twenty-five years, was the worst one yet. When I got to the office, I struggled through answering emails, making sure I didn’t misspell too many words and I didn’t fall asleep writing it. No matter how much sleep you got on Sunday night, you were always dragging ass on Mondays. Then, I had to go sit in a meeting, headed by Tanner where I felt completely disconnected. I was nervous as hell, knowing I had to face him after having a breakdown over the logistics of telling my father about us. I couldn’t focus on anything he was saying, and my mind had drifted so far off-kilter, I forgot every few minutes that I was sitting in the conference room.
“Do you have those prepared, Ava?” I could hear Tanner’s voice, but it was still in the background of my thoughts. It took him saying my name again to snap me back to the present. “Ava?”
“Oh,” I said sitting up in the chair and looking around at everyone staring at me. “Yes, I mean no. I’m sorry, Mr. Johnson, could you repeat that question?”
I felt like a complete moron, and while everyone else was giggling under their breath at my lack of concentration, Tanner was looking at me with concern. I had always been the one with the spunk and alertness on Mondays to answer the questions with an overabundance of knowledge. However, that day, I wasn’t even sure I remembered what my name was. I was completely overwhelmed again, but this time, it wasn’t over a lie or a commitment issue, it was over the fact that I was self-sabotaging, trying to force myself to only care about the business and sneak out of relationships as fast as I could get into them.
“Sure,” he said, nodding his head. “Can you come up and explain your change management board.”
“Of course,” I said, standing from my chair and straightening my skirt.
I walked up to the front and took the power point clicker from Tanner’s hand. He stood there for a minute, looking at me before taking a seat to the side. I hated when he watched me at work. It was like having your teacher stare you down during a presentation. I fumbled with the power clicker for a moment until I got my slide up on the screen. The other employees didn’t seem to notice since they all were plagued by this Monday hell as well. I cleared my throat and began to explain the different stages of change management that we were going to be implementing in the financial division over the next six weeks. There was going to be a merger of employees, a merger of ideas, and a merger of the business as a whole. It was going to be extensive and overwhelming for many, but the CFO and I had worked diligently to make a plan that would create a stepping stone for both new and old employees alike.
I went through every step, ignoring Tanner as he followed along on the screen. The financial side of the meeting all paid close attention while the marketing side seemed to daze out without much thought. The change would affect them in some ways, but not nearly as much as the financial sector would see it. They were going to get the brunt of it all. When I was done, I went back to my seat and tried to pay attention for the remainder of the meeting. Everyone pretty much bolted when the meeting was over, and it left me alone with Tanner in the conference room as I packed up my bag. I saw him out of the corner of my eye, gathering his things and glancing over at me.
I wanted so badly to tell him the truth right then and there, but that fear was back and it was burning at me like a fire. I put the last of my things away and stood up, straightening the chairs and turning to walk toward the door. I wanted him to stop me, but I didn’t want to make it obvious.
“Ava,” Tanner said, allowing me to breathe a sigh of relief.
“Yes,” I said, turning back around.
“You okay?”
“Yes, why?”
“You were really distracted during that meeting,” he said motioning to where I was sitting. “What were you thinking about?”
“Nothing,” I said, picking up my things. “I mean not nothing, but nothing you want to hear.”
I took in a deep breath and turned back, sitting on the edge of the table as he cleared the computer and turned off the power. It was the only meeting we would have that day, and I was really happy about that. Meetings should be canceled on all Mondays. I thought about his question and my answer, and I cringed, realizing I gave him that typical answer of nothing when it was most definitely something. I had lied, just like I wasn’t supposed to do. There was way more than nothing going on upstairs, but I didn’t know how to talk to him anymore. I didn’t know where the boundaries were. I didn’t know if I could piece the issues together enough to understand, and I didn’t know if he really actually wanted to listen.
I had so many emotions rolling around in my chest, and I wanted to scream how much I cared about him, but I was terrified at what he would say. What if I confessed my feelings and he walked away? What if I had read him wrong the entire time? I was so nervous, I could barely get my speech out and that was memorized. If I had to put together an understanding of how I felt about him at the spur of a moment, I knew it would come out completely wrong. I could tell by the look on his face, though, that he did not like the answer one little bit. I cleared my throat.
“Mondays are the worst,” I said. “I don’t know where my mind went, but I won’t let it happen again. I was supposed to be prepared for my presentation, and instead, I zoned out on you. Hopefully the others got a good idea of what I was trying to deliver in the speech. I think people in marketing believe that my board had nothing to do with them. But yeah, I wasn’t thinking about anything.”
“Well, okay then,” he said, visibly upset at my answer.
I sat there on the corner of the table and watched as he finished gathering everything up and walked out of the conference room. He didn’t even try to probe me further. I guess if I had someone who was constantly trying to figure out a way to not be around me, I might act the same exact way. I hadn’t treated him right at all. I went back to my office and closed the door, working on projects that I had put off. I got into a smooth rhythm with my work, but Tanner was still all over my mind. It was torture to try to get through the day without his humorous quips, his sweet smile across the hall, and his constant longing stares. It wasn’t that I didn’t care about him. I had already told myself I loved him, but it was the fear that I would lose him after admitting to loving him so much.
I got out of the office on time that day, grabbing my bag and riding the elevator down with everyone else. I took a cab back to my apartment and curled up on my couch, feeling very out of place and lost from not fitting in with everyone at work. They were all so bright and shiny, and I was anything but. I picked up my phone and dialed Tanner, hoping that he would answer. I needed to talk to him, and right then. It was so easy to see that Tanner was the man for me, and I wanted to let him know. I wanted him to forgive me for pushing him away on a regular basis. I wanted him to listen to me tell him I loved him. He needed to know all of this.
With frustration, I slammed my phone down on the coffee table, knowing he was purposely ignoring my phone calls. I was so frustrated with that man, and it was really hard for me to push past my stubborn nature and continue to try to make him understand how much I really cared about him. He wanted to push me away like I was doing to him. I got it, but now I wanted to talk, and he was making sure that it was as hard on me as possible. I loved him, and if I didn’t do my best to try to help him, really give it my all, I would regret it for the rest of my life.
My father was right that I could have it all. I just needed to reach out and take it. Tanner was what I wanted in every sense of the word, and I was starting to feel completely beat by him refusing to even speak to me about what happened. This was the last time I could mentally handle fighting for a relationship with him. If I screwed it up after that, I was going to just have to move on, letting him live his life without my constant drama and intense excuses.
I picked my phone back up and called him five more times, getting the voicemail every single time. I sat there staring at my phone, not knowing whether to try calling again or not. I figured if he didn’t answer it the fifth time, he wasn’t going to answer at all. I couldn’t let that be the straw that broke the camel’s back. I couldn’t just let him run off thinking I wasn’t ready for a relationship when we could both be incredibly happy with each other, given the right amount of time.
I got up from the couch and went into my bedroom, throwing on more comfortable clothing and wrapping a scarf around my neck. I checked my hair in the mirror and applied a bit of nude lip gloss on my lips, making sure that I didn’t look to tired and haggard. If he wasn’t going to answer my phone calls after everything we had been through, I was going to take my ass over to his penthouse. I could feel my heart breaking already, and I knew that it was going to be impossible for me to hold my emotions back. I would as long as I could, but this situation was no longer about hiding my feelings, it was about letting them out with pure and complete honesty. I knew for a fact that if Tanner were going to hear me out, he was going to expect nothing less.
Chapter 33
Tanner
Ava had called me five times but hadn’t left a single message on my answering machine. That told me she wanted to talk to me, but after giving her the chance at the office earlier that day, I felt like it would be pointless. I wanted to hear the truth from her, the complete, unguarded truth, and until she could do that for me, I wasn’t interested in what she had to say. I was tired, dead tired, of the lies, the keeping me in the dark, and the constant pushing and pulling that went on between us. I didn’t want her any less than before, but I was starting to go insane trying to keep my life together and chase after a girl who only wanted to be chased half of the time.
I sat on my couch, drinking a beer and staring out the window at the nighttime skyline of the city. It was so beautiful with the twinkling lights and brightly lit buildings and instantly made me feel more at ease. As I lay there daydreaming, the house phone rang. I groaned as I pulled myself from the couch and shuffled over answering the call.
“There is a young lady name Ava here to see you,” the guard said.
I wanted to tell him to send her away, tell her to go, just go, but there was no way I was going to be able to leave her sitting down there, especially when she had come all the way from her place to mine. She obviously had something she needed to say, and I figured there was no harm in listening. Who knew, maybe she was going to be completely honest. Maybe she was ready to fix what was keeping us apart right now.
“Send her up,” I said with a sigh.
I pulled on a sweatshirt and checked myself quickly in the mirror before walking out into the living room. I could hear the elevator outside of the guest entrance beep and the doors sliding open. I walked over to the door and opened it before Ava could knock. I looked down at her and was taken aback as tears flowed from her eyes and down her cheeks. I stepped to the side, and she walked in, heading straight to the couch and sitting down, covering her face with her hands. I closed the door and stood at the edge of the living room, not knowing how to comfort her. She was trying to talk to me, desperately trying, but between the sobs and the hands over her face, I couldn’t understand a single thing she was saying.
My feet started moving before my brain could, and before I knew it, I was sitting down next to her, rubbing her back and trying to get her to calm down. She dipped her head into her hands and sobbed silently into her palms. I wasn’t sure if she was crying over us, over everything that had happened, or if something else had struck, and I was just unsure of it. Either way, she needed to calm down in order for us to even attempt to have a conversation.
I sat there feeling completely helpless, not knowing what to do. Suddenly it came to me, so I lifted my hand to her chin and turned her toward me. I leaned in and kissed her lips, tasting the salty tears on her skin. Instantly, she began to stop crying and her sobs turned into heated moans. I grabbed her waist and pulled her close to me, feeling the heat between us rising. She was so beautiful, even when she cried. And as I held her in my arms, I remembered how I had promised her father that I was going to take care of her and protect her from everything. I wondered if that meant protecting her from herself as well. In that moment, though, as our kiss grew hotter and deeper by the second, she felt like the Ava I had fallen for in the first place. She felt like the passionate woman that I lusted after long before I was able to tell myself that I had more feelings than that for her.
I reached down and rubbed my hands up her thighs, feeling the tight jeans encasing her legs. She reached her hands up and twisted her fingers through my hair like she always did. I loved feeling her playing with my hair. It was so personal, so erotic. Instantly, my pants grew tighter and tighter as we both came up for air, not caring about anything else. I moved my lips over her cheeks and down her neck, tasting her, moving her, and calming her nerves. This wasn’t her telling me the honest truth, but it was definitely a step in the right direction. As I went to move my hand further toward her crotch, she reached down and grabbed my hand, pulling her head back and breathing heavily.
“I can’t do this,” she said shaking her head. “At least not until I tell you how I feel.”
I nodded my head and scooted back, giving her some space to think. If nothing else, that show of affection had calmed her enough that I could now understand what she was saying. Her eyes were red and her lips were swollen from crying so hard. I reached over and grabbed a tissue, handing it to her. She smiled as she took it and wiped the tears off of her face. I really couldn’t wait to hear what she had to say, though I didn’t know what to expect at all. Everything had been so back and forth since we met that she could be spilling her guts, coming up with excuses, or she could be there to completely tell me off. I could feel the nerves in my stomach floating around, hoping that she was opting for candor and not anger, something that I hadn’t seen in her yet.
I quickly got up from the couch and jogged over to the fridge, pulling two bottles of water out before heading back over. I opened one and handed it to her, knowing that with the ferocity she was crying, she needed to refresh and renew herself before she could possibly start to formulate sentences. She took several big gulps of the water and sighed happily, using the tissue to wipe the last remaining tears from her cheeks. She was breathing heavily, and she looked really nervous. Just from that reaction, I wasn’t expecting anger from her, especially since when she was angry, she usually came in full speed ahead.
“I’m a mess,” she laughed through her raspy voice. “I was okay until I got into your elevator, and then I lost it.”
“You don’t need to cry,” I said softly. “I’m here. Tell me what’s on your mind.”
“I love you,” she said. “I’ve loved you for a long time, but my brain just wouldn’t let me comprehend that. We have been through so much, and I know that we’re perfect for each other. You were right. I was a coward, and though I wanted to be with you, my brain was telling me to stay away. From that, I started getting angry at you for everything. I was trying to push you away in a way that made me feel okay about it. Then, I would get home and realize how much I miss you, how much I love you.”
I sat there listening to her talk, watching her face as it began to light up talking about us and our possible future. I felt like she wasn’t just saying these things to me, but she was saying them to herself as well. She had finally understood what I was trying to say and had humbled herself down enough to take the chance on coming here, not knowing if it would be something I reacted to in a good way or not.
“I know that I have been up and down and back and forth over the last few weeks,” she said blushing. “But I am being dead serious when I tell you that I love you and want to be with you. I tried to get you off my mind, especially earlier on, but no matter what I do, I think about being with you and what that really means. I want to have the career, the family, the boyfriend, and everything else life has to offer me. I don’t just want any man in my life, though. I only want you in it.”
“Even after everything we’ve put each other through?”
“Especially after everything we’ve put each other through,” she said with a smile. “My father talked to me on Sunday morning and gave me his full blessing. He gave us his full blessing, really. With the way I feel now, I didn’t have to have that blessing, but I feel a hell of a lot better knowing that my family is on board with my choices. It gave me the ability to know we could be together without any more outside issues. You could be a part of my entire world, not just the parts that were behind closed doors. I am dead serious about all of this, no going back or letting fear rule me like it tried to on a regular basis.”
“Ava,” I said with a sigh. “I love you, too. I’ve been waiting forever for you to just be open and honest with me about how you felt. I knew you were holding back and that you were scared, but I couldn’t be the one to force you to open up to me about these things. You had to make the decision to do so. You are one of the most amazing women I have ever met, and I can’t think of a better way to spend my time than working and living with you by my side. You have become my partner in crime, the woman who wanted me, not the CEO of MJ, but me, Tanner.”
“It is pretty sexy that you’re my boss.” She laughed and sent me a suggestive wink.
“You’re a mess,” I laughed, pulling her in close.
“So, you want to give this a go, be with each other completely?”
“That sounds absolutely amazing,” I said, pulling back and leaning down for her mouth.
I grabbed her shoulders and pulled her in toward me, kissing her with passion. She whined softly as our lips pressed hard against each other, and our tongues tasted the salt on each other’s lips. That moment felt so perfect, so right, and I couldn’t be happier with the way things had turned out. Finally, we could be a couple, a family, without secrets and stressors holding us back. We could make love and know the other person would be there the next day. We could have an argument and not fear that it was the end of everything. We could be a normal couple, well, as normal of a couple as she and I could get. On top of all of that, she would be working alongside me to grow and push MJ to the next level.
If two people could be so completely perfect for each other, it would be us. We were like two crazy puzzle pieces that fit together but was really hard to find. She pulled back, breathing heavily from the kiss, looking me deep in my eyes. She shook her head and giggled, and I smiled curiously.
“You’re my boyfriend.” She giggled.
“That, I am,” I said, laughing. “For as long as you will have me.”
“Mmmm,” she said, leaning her head on my chest. “I can’t think of anything better than having you in my life for as far as I can think into the future.”
I hated Mondays, but this one may have not turned out so bad after all. I had the career, the best friend, and I had just gotten the girl.
Chapter 34
Ava
I grasped onto Tanners hand tightly and peered up at him with a smile as we walked into the restaurant. I looked across the floor and waved at my dad already seated and waiting for us. I had called him when I woke up, telling him all about the night before and asking him to go to lunch with us. He seemed really happy for me, and that warmed my heart. We walked over to the table, and I kissed my dad on the cheek before sitting down in the chair Tanner had pulled out for me. He reached over and shook my father’s hand, giving him a pat on the back. I was so excited to see my dad and be free to be in public with Tanner as my boyfriend. I reached over under the table and laid my hand on Tanner’s knee, smiling at him as he wrapped his hand over it.
“How was work?”
“Crazy,” Tanner said, shaking his head.
“Yeah, the company had all the new employees in the building in the financial area for a meeting,” I said. “At first, it was like a showdown, but once they started to get to know each other, they actually started to get along really fast. Everyone seemed to be on board with the change management plan, and those who currently work in the building vowed to help the new employees get what they needed to survive.”
“Wow.” My dad nodded his head up and down. “You sound like you’ve got it all together.”
“She does.” Tanner said with a mock grimace. “She’s harder on them than me.”
“That’s like Gestapo.” My father laughed. “You know what? I really missed you as a friend, Tanner.”
“I missed you too, man,” Tanner said smiling.
“And you two look so happy,” Dad said. “You really did pick the right partner in life. Ava, I doubt I could ever be upset with you, even if I tried. You guys have my blessing and support as you go through life. You really showed me how much you have grown up. It’s refreshing but makes me feel old and washed up.”
“I’ll always need you, Daddy,” I said smiling. “And your blessing means so much to me, to both of us really. We wanted to be in a position to be together without any drama or anger, and you made that possible.”
“I will say this though, Tanner,” my dad said looking at him and shaking his finger. “You hurt my little girl, and I will take you out.”
“Understood,” Tanner laughed. “But if you are planning my demise, you might want to hit up the gym. It’s not going to work too well if you are chasing me with your electric scooter.”
“Very funny, asshole,” my dad said.
We all burst out into laughter, taking in the moment and really feeling like everything was starting to look up. I grabbed onto Tanner’s hand, feeling so close to him and wanting him even closer. He looked at me and smiled, leaning his head against mine. The rest of dinner was a blast, sharing stories of when I was a little girl, stories of Tanner getting in trouble when they were younger, and stories about my dad getting into trouble when he was younger. I loved sharing all of this, and though my mother was a pain in the ass, I was a bit disappointed that she wasn’t there as well. My father was trying to work things out with her and had gotten an apartment in the city. They were treating their relationship with kid gloves, and my father said they had started dating again. I smiled at the thought of my dad showing up to the front door with a bouquet of flowers, nerves rushing through him. It was adorable.
I was really interested when Tanner started talking about his childhood. He hadn’t told me really anything about his family, and I was so excited to learn more about him. I wanted to be his closest confidant, his best friend, and his lover. We had no problem in the lovemaking department, but the rest of it had to grow as we did. When lunch was over, my father walked us out, taking in a deep breath of the cool fall air. We said our goodbyes and promised lunch the next week at the same time before climbing into the back of Tanner’s town car.
“I need to stop by my place and pick something up, if that’s okay,” I said.
“Sure,” Tanner replied, leaning up to the driver and giving those directions.
When we got to the apartment and the door was closed behind us, it was like a fire was lit between the two of us. We didn’t jump each other, but instead, he watched me as I walked through the house, looking for the papers I had forgotten. I went back into my bedroom to turn lights off I had forgotten that morning. When I turned, Tanner had walked into the room and looked around. He took two steps toward me and pushed me down on the bed, quickly pulling my pants down and laying them on the dresser. I wasn’t expecting anything like that, but I was more than happy to oblige.
He walked forward, rubbing his hands up my thighs and hooking his fingers in the sides of my white lace thong and pulled them off. He smiled up at me as he pushed my thighs apart, pulling himself up on the bed on his stomach. He leaned his face down into my pussy and immediately started licking it with passion. I leaned my head back and moaned loudly, as he went to town, flicking his tongue against my clit, and circling through my wetness. I relaxed my body into the bed and spread my legs wide, wanting to feel his tongue, wanting to hear his groans as my body moved with the motions of his mouth.
I lifted my hips and began to grind, running my hands through his hair. He moved his hands up and pushed one finger and then two fingers inside of me, wiggling the tips of his fingers inside. I moaned again, wanting more and more as my body grew closer to explosion. He reached up and rubbed my clit with his thumb as his tongue took the place of his fingers. I gripped tighter into his hair, pushing his face into my pussy and fucking his mouth. As the moments went by, it got wilder and more animalistic. I couldn’t help but scream out, feeling his warm wet mouth massaging my mound. He groaned as he sopped up my juices, frantically running his tongue through my folds. Everything in me wanted to fuck him, but this time, I would let him pleasure me.
He reached up and pulled on my hips, smashing his face into my wet pussy. I whined as my body moved in waves against him, feeling the heat in my stomach begin to increase and boil over. He reached back down and began to finger me hard and deep as he sucked on my clit. I took my hands from his hair and grabbed the comforter beneath me, screaming his name as he tipped me over the edge. My back arched and eyes rolled back as I took a deep breath and enjoyed every single ripple of pleasure flowing through my muscles. When the breath left my lungs, a low groan that came from me. His hands slowed and his face lifted from my mound.
When the last of the orgasm had completed, he kissed my folds and stood up, looking as if he were getting ready to go. I sat up and shook my head, turning over on all fours and crawling toward him. He looked down and smiled as I unbuckled his pants and pulled his cock out of his boxers. I stroked it several times, looking up at his face as he groaned and leaned his head back. His cock was already rock solid, so I knew this wasn’t going to take forever. I tugged on his pants until they fell around his ankles, and then, I swung around, sitting up on the edge of the bed. I reached my hands around as I put my lips around the head of his cock and slid them slowly down his shaft. My hands squeezed his ass hard and then came back around, cupping his nuts.
He growled as I looked up at him, my mouth full of his dick. I swirled my tongue around his shaft, feeling every inch of it against the back of my throat. His hands were on his waist, and I grabbed them, pulling them to my hair. He put his palm on the back of my head and pushed me down slowly, making sure I didn’t stop until my mouth was touching the base of his cock. As my mouth pleasured him, I could feel his dick swelling and his neediness increase. He wrapped both hands into my hair and held on tightly, pushing and pulling as I sucked his cock just the way he wanted.
I opened my mouth and throat as he held my head still, thrusting his hips into me, fucking my mouth deep and hard. He kept watch to make sure he wasn’t too rough, but I wanted it that way. Whatever was hot to him instantly turned me on, and taking control of his blow job was, without question, on the list of erotic materials. Suddenly, his motions became stronger, and he groaned loudly as he fucked me harder and harder. I moaned with his cock in my throat, knowing that he was reaching his peak. I wanted to taste him come in my mouth so badly.
He thrust his hips forward, looking down and watching as the shaft flowed in and out of my mouth. I kept my hand firmly placed on his nuts, massaging them as his cock did the hard work. He pushed his hips forward deep and slow several times, the last time, shoving it all the way down my throat and pulsing his hips against my mouth. He took in a deep breath and stepped backward, stroking his cock with his hands. I opened my mouth and hovered underneath his pulsing cock. I could feel it as the stream of his hot seed exploded from the head, streaming over my mouth and chin. I moaned as I licked and sucked on the head, getting every last bit as he shouted out his pleasure above me, his legs beginning to quiver.
When he was done, he walked into my bathroom and grabbed a towel, walking back in and cleaning off any remaining come from my face and neck. He leaned down and kissed my lips. With a smile, he tossed the towel in the dirty clothes hamper and pulled his boxers and pants back on. I reached out and took the clothes he was handing me and got myself dressed again. I sat on the edge pulling on my heels before taking his hand and heading out of the apartment. There was a silence between us, but it wasn’t awkward or uncomfortable. It was complete and showed the level of ease between us.
When we reached work, I went inside and sat down at my desk, glancing up at Tanner sitting at his desk across the hall. He looked up and caught my glaze, flashing his big charming smile at me. I was so in love with that man, and though a week ago, I thought I would never be with him, today was the beginning of the rest of our lives together. We were perfectly in sync with each other in a way I hadn’t ever seen before. We were best friends, partners, and lovers, exactly what I always wanted from him. MJ may be the merger on everyone’s mind, but in my head, the merger between the two of us was the single biggest life changing event I had ever experienced. I was desperately in love with that man, and he was finally all mine.
Epilogue
Tanner
It had been a year since Ava and I finally decided to let go of everything holding us back and just be together in every way possible. It had truly been the best year of my life. It was amazing how good our relationship was when we didn’t have to worry about hiding or lying to anyone, when we had the support of her family and the support of the people around us. We were the happiest we had ever been, and to my surprise, that did not hinder my ability to kick ass with my company. It had ended up increasing my productivity. I was in a good mood all the time, and from that, I drew motivation.
About six months into the relationship, she left her apartment and moved into the penthouse. We hired a decorator and made the place a lot homier and something that we could call ours. I loved having her there all the time, going to sleep with her at night, and waking up to her beautiful face. She loved to cook when we got home from work, and I would never complain about that. My kitchen was finally getting some action for once, at least some action that didn’t involve hot, sweaty naked bodies.
Dean and I had continued to grow closer and closer, and after a year, we were right where we had been two decades before when we started MJ together. He and Lindy had ended up working everything out, and he moved back into the house. I saw such a transformation in that woman, it was nuts, and if I hadn’t seen it slowly unfold, I wouldn’t have believed it. She went from the snooty rich woman to the woman everyone wanted to be around. She would do picnics, go on adventures, and she loved coming to visit Ava in the penthouse. Dean’s life ended up better than he could have imagined.
I looked across the table at the old bastard and laughed, watching him trying to order Chinese food from the waitress. He was never very good at pronouncing the names, so he just pointed and nodded when he ordered. It was really good to be out to dinner with Dean, but this time wasn’t our normal dudes evening out. It was special, or at least it was to me. Ava was with her mom at the house, working on the fall harvests in their garden. I’d asked Dean to join me at dinner, using the excuse to get away from the women for a bit, even though neither one of us wanted to leave their sides. After we ordered and our drinks were delivered, Dean leaned back in the chair and started stretching. He looked at me with curiosity obviously noticing that I was feeling a tab bit nervous over what I wanted to talk to him about.
“So,” he said, yawning. “What’s the special occasion.”
“I want to talk to you about something.” I tried a smile, but I’m not sure it didn’t come across as stiff and unnatural.
“All right. Whatcha got?”
“Ava and I have been seeing each other for over a year,” I said. “I love her more than anything in this world, and I knew a year ago that this was the woman I was going to spend the rest of my life with. So, I wanted to bring you here today to ask you for permission to propose to Ava.”
I pulled out the ring I had gotten her and showed Dean. He whistled at the large shimmering stone and shook his head in amazement. I had picked out something really special for her, and I didn’t give a damn about how expensive it was, which he likely knew.
“Man,” he laughed. “I knew this was coming. I had a serious feeling in my gut.”
“What do you say?”
“Well, if she’s into old guys and understands your balls will be by your knees soon,” he said, laughing, “then I absolutely give my blessing on your marriage. It takes a special kind of woman to be secure in that.”
“Thanks.” I laughed, too, but more in relief than anything. “This won’t be part of the story when people ask how I proposed.”
“Understandable.” He chuckled. “But seriously, I would love nothing more than for you and Ava to get married. She is pretty much head over heels in love with you, and it’s only gotten stronger over the last year.”
“Thanks, man,” I said. “Do I call you Dad?”
“If you want a throat punch.” He shrugged
We ate our lunch, laughing back and forth at each other’s jokes. It was definitely going to be an interesting dynamic, but I couldn’t think of any better father-in-law than my own best friend. Of course, I would never call him that in public, and it was a little strange to think about it. After lunch, we parted ways, and I jumped in a cab to head back to the office. The adrenaline in my chest was pumping at that point, and I couldn’t wait to see the look on Ava’s face when I proposed to her. I had been so sneaky, and she didn’t have a clue that I got her a ring and wanted to propose to her. I knew she didn’t need me to. She was happy just being with me, but I knew there weren’t many other things in this world that would bring me greater joy than making Ava my wife. We could start a family, have some rug rats, and simply enjoy life with each other.
When the car pulled up out front of the building, I got out, pulling the ring box from my pocket and opening it one last time. Seeing the ring and how perfect it was for Ava gave me even more motivation to ask her. Sure, the office wasn’t the most romantic place for a proposal, but that was where both of our hearts were, and I found it poetic that she got engaged in the same place we fell in love. I rode the elevator up the stairs and started whispering to everyone through all the cubicles. I had them call upstairs to the others in the office and then waited until everyone was down in one place. I put my finger in front of my lips and held up the ring box. People covered their mouths, trying not to give it away. Slowly, we crept down the hall and toward Ava’s office.
I poked my head around the corner and smiled, catching her attention. She looked up and grinned, putting down her pen and pushing the chair back. She walked forward and out of the office, freezing as soon as she saw a ton of employees following me like the Pied Piper. She looked at them suspiciously and then back at me, unsure of what was going on. I smiled big as I took her hand and lowered myself down onto one knee. Ava put her hand over her mouth and gasped as I looked up into her eyes.
“Ava, sweet Ava,” I began. “Decades ago, I made a vow to never fall in love again. I told myself that I would be fine all alone in this world and that changing my mind on that would severely affect my business. Then you walked in with your amazing personality, your keen eye for business, and your absolutely gorgeous smile. We have been through a hell of a lot together, that’s for sure. In the end, though, you are the woman I want to spend the rest of my life with. That has been there like a stamp on my soul since the moment I laid eyes on you, and I knew that I had to have you as my wife. So, that being said, will you please do me the great honor of accepting this ring and becoming my wife?”
She looked down at the sparkling diamond, and her eyes got big. I took her hand and slid the ring onto her finger. She looked at it for several moments and then back at me.
“Yes,” she said, laughing. “Yes, yes, yes.”
The whole crowd behind us exploded in cheers and applause. I stood up and walked toward her, taking her in my arms and bending her backward, pressing my lips firmly to hers. She was the most beautiful creature I had ever laid eyes on. When I pulled her back to her feet, she smiled and turned to the crowd behind us. She held her hand up in the air and flashed her giant diamond to the crowd.
“I’m getting married,” she yelled.
The crowd of people once again burst into cheers and applause, and I could see the smile on Ava’s face go on for days. Her cheeks were rosy, her lips plump, and she had decided she wanted to spend the rest of her life with me. I watched her move seamlessly through the crowd, stopping to hug people, show them the ring, or strike up a conversation. Her laughter was intoxicating, and I could feel the excitement in my chest brewing. It was real. I was really going to get to marry my best friend. Together, we were unstoppable, and I had come to the realization very early on that without Ava, I just didn’t feel complete.
We walked toward the conference room where I had ordered a cake and a bunch of flowers. The place was covered in white roses like the one I had brought to her apartment many months before. She shook her head and leaned over, kissing me on the cheek. We spent the afternoon talking to everyone, laughing, telling stories, and eating cake. Neither one of us had many friends outside of work, and the people there were like extended family to us. It was the perfect place to celebrate our love, celebrate our upcoming nuptials, and the perfect place to create such a beautiful memory.
I tapped Ava on the shoulder and nodded toward the door. She followed my eyes where her gaze latched with Dean’s. She smiled enormously and ran across the conference room, jumping into her father’s arms. He kissed her on the cheek and congratulated her, whispering something in her ear. He walked over to me and stuck out his hand, shaking mine strongly and laughing as he shook his head. Everything had turned out exactly like a romantic comedy that I would find Ava watching on lazy Sundays.
After the party, and after everyone had gone home for the night, we jumped into the car and headed back home to the penthouse. I watched as we drove through the streets of New York, the lights casting moving shadows in the car. I looked over at Ava and almost lost my breath, realizing just how beautiful she really was. She was glowing with excitement from the day, and I could tell she was more excited to plan a wedding than she thought she would be. With her meticulous planning and my bank account, it was going to be one of the biggest events of the year for our circle of friends and colleagues.
That night, lying in bed next to her, I turned over and watched her sleep. I was such a lucky man to have a woman as beautiful as Ava, with a heart of gold, and a personality that could bring me to my knees. I never thought I would have another chance for a family, and I assumed that I would one day retire from MJ and live alone and quiet in my penthouse. Now, I had my soulmate to share my life with and that was immeasurable. I loved Ava Markus with everything in my body, and I was determined to put her first and protect her for the rest of our lives.
I never thought my life would have a fairy tale ending, but there I was, planning the rest of my life, with my partner and soul mate by my side.
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Turn ahead to read “THE PERFECT HOLIDAY” - A Bad Boy Romance!
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