Eighteen
I did my best to hold onto the optimism Gabe was trying to impose on me, but it was hard because my mind kept wandering to Tyler and wondering if he’d been served yet. I tried to imagine his reaction or his father’s, for that matter, and the image I conjured in my head did nothing to reassure me. Still, I was determined to try and be positive the way Gabe was. I’d lived almost my entire life in states of fear and maybe now, I wouldn’t have to.
I had a smile on my face as I cleared a table from the lunch rush. They’d left me a good tip and that always made me happy. I took the dishes to the back and when I returned to the dining room, I felt the smile grow wider at the sight of Gabe standing by the door in his uniform.
“What’re you doing here?” I asked. He leaned in, giving me a kiss on the cheek, my heart beating faster having him so close. He smelled good and I closed my eyes trying to be discreet when I breathed in.
“I was in the neighborhood and thought I’d say hi.”
“You weren’t just in the neighborhood,” I said, putting one hand on my hip and giving him a playful smirk. “You work in East Boston and you don’t live anywhere near here.”
“Then I’ll be honest and say I simply wanted to see you.” He grinned that boyish grin I found so endearing and the one that made me forget about my troubles, if even for a moment.
“Honesty is always the best policy, Officer Torres,” I said, stretching onto my tippy toes to give him another kiss on the cheek.
“I also wanted to check in and see how you’re doing,” he said, his voice dropping as the playful banter from only seconds ago began to wane. “I know yesterday wasn’t easy and I wanted to make sure you were okay.”
I felt the familiar knot in my stomach at his words. I’d done my best not to think about the ramifications of what I’d done. Gabe had tried to reassure me everything would be alright, but I was still uneasy; still afraid of how Tyler and his father would react.
“I’m okay. Just trying to be optimistic like you,” I said, trying to get a smile to form on my face, but it was proving harder than I expected.
“It’s gonna be okay, Sam,” he said softly, stepping closer to me and taking my hand. I looked up to meet his eyes and I started to relax. He had a way of calming me I didn’t quite understand yet, but I wasn’t going to question it.
“I know,” I told him, hoping if I said it, I would believe it. “It was really sweet of you to come by to check on me. Thank you.”
“Of course,” he said, smiling a sweet smile and then it grew quiet for a few seconds. “There was actually another reason I stopped by,” he began, pausing for a moment before continuing. “I wanted to ask you a question.” I could tell he was nervous and my curiosity was piqued.
“What question?” I asked.
“I know it’s short notice, but I told my mom I’ve been seeing someone and she’d like to meet you. And I’d like you to meet my family too.”
The smile that had been stained on my face ever since he’d walked into O’Leary’s started to fade as I thought about how to respond to what should’ve been an easy question. I’d heard about Gabe’s perfect family and I couldn’t help but feel intimidated by their description. I wasn’t the kind of girl Gabe should be bringing home. I grew up in trailer parks with a mother who cared more about the men in her life than the daughters she’d brought into the world. I didn’t exactly fit the image of the kind of girl a police officer went out with or brought home to his straight-laced family. I knew my hesitation was obvious. I was afraid to meet his family because I was afraid of what they would think about me, but then our eyes met and I remembered his words. Give yourself some credit. He was right about that. I didn’t give myself the credit I deserved. I never had because I didn’t think there was anything to give myself credit for. When I looked into his eyes though, I knew he wanted me to say yes. He wanted to bring me further into his life.
“Alright,” I answered. “When?”
“Is tonight too soon?” he asked and he must’ve seen my eyes grow wide. “I take that as a yes.”
“No, no,” I said quickly. “I’m just surprised is all. Tonight’s fine.”
“You sure?” he asked, raising a doubtful eyebrow.
“Yeah, of course,” I said, trying to sound as if I wasn’t nervous about meeting his family.
“Alright,” he said, a relieved smile forming on his face. “I’ll come by your place around five if that’s okay and we’ll head over to my parents’ house.”
“Sounds good,” I said and Gabe smiled again, reaching out and touching my arm before kissing me on the cheek.
“I’ll see you tonight then.” When he pulled away, he smiled at me, brushing his fingers over my cheek.
“See you tonight,” I said softly, smiling up at him when he’d pulled away. He smiled back and then brushed his fingers over my cheek before turning and walking away.
~~~
It was just before five o’clock as I looked in the full-length mirror hanging on the back of my door. I felt like a jittery teenager as I glanced over my reflection. I hadn’t known what to wear to meet Gabe’s family. I wanted to make a good impression; to hopefully hide my trailer park past with a pretty dress so they might think I was worthy of dating their son. I’d settled on a cute dress with cap sleeves and scoop neck. The flared skirt fell to my knees and I’d paired the dress whose pattern reminded me of stretched taffy with black leggings and my favorite boots. I’d curled my hair into loose waves and spent extra attention on my makeup, but just as I was about to walk out of my bedroom, my eyes caught a glimpse of the fading purple marks on my arms where Tyler had grabbed me. Somehow, I’d forgotten about them as I got ready and I felt a lump in my throat as I stared down at them now. I quickly went to my closet, grabbed a black cardigan and pulled it on, covering my secrets from Gabe’s family.
When I walked into the kitchen, Rachel was making herself a salad. She’d been asleep when I got in the shower to get ready, but now she was up, preparing for her shift at the hospital and eyeing me curiously when I walked in.
“You look cute,” she said, a smile forming on her face as she set the knife down she was using to cut a cucumber.
“You think this dress looks okay?” I asked, giving myself a once over in the reflection of the glass of a picture frame hanging on the wall.
“It’s adorable,” she said and then eyed me curiously. “But, what’s the occasion?”
“Gabe stopped by the pub earlier. I guess he told his mom about me and she wants to meet me.” I could hear the nerves in my voice as one of Rachel’s eyebrows rose up and she crossed her arms as she abandoned her salad making and leaned against the counter.
“This is getting pretty serious between you two then if he wants you to meet his family,” she concluded and I nodded.
“Yeah, I think it’s headed that way.”
“You sound hesitant,” she said, unfolding her arms.
“I guess I am.”
“Why? Gabe seems like a great guy.”
“He is, which is why I’m hesitant. He and I could not come from more different backgrounds. From what he’s told me, his family is very different than ours.”
“Most families are different than ours,” she sighed. “Our life growing up wasn’t normal. How mom raised us and what we went through…that shouldn’t have happened.”
“I know, but I can’t help but feel…” I said, pausing for a moment as I tried to think how to word my feelings, but there was only one word to describe it. “I can’t help but feel inferior to him…like I’m not as good as him.”
My voice was quiet and I watched as Rachel’s mouth turned down into a frown.
“That’s how we’ve felt our entire lives,” she said and then paused. “I never wanted to invite anyone over and I never wanted to go to anyone’s house because I was afraid they’d discover what my life really was. I never felt good enough for anyone growing up, but we’re not kids anymore. We’re grown women and we’ve grown into some pretty damn good ones if you ask me,” Rachel said with a smirk on her face that made me smile too. “We aren’t our past. We’re not defined by where we came from or what’s happened to us. It’s all about the future and we’re never going to live the way we with did with Mom again. I see it and Gabe sees it. When you meet his family tonight, remember you are good enough. You deserve everything and don’t let the doubt get the best of you. Be proud of who you are and what you’ve overcome because I’m proud of you and I know Gabe is too. You’ve just gotta see it in yourself.”
Rachel was right about everything. She usually was. I walked over to her, hugging her tightly. She wrapped her arms around me too.
“I love you so much, Rache,” I said softly. “I don’t know what I’d ever do without you.”
“Love you too, sweetie,” she said just as the buzzer to the door went off.
“That’s probably him,” I said as we pulled apart and she went back to the counter while I hit the buzzer.
“It’s Gabe.” His voice came through the speaker and I felt a smile spread on my face knowing he was downstairs.
“Come on up,” I told him, pushing the button to unlock the door. A minute later, there was a knock and when I opened the door, he was standing there looking very different than earlier in his uniform. It had been replaced with a pair of jeans and a black winter jacket. He seemed to transform when he wasn’t in uniform. When I saw him on the job, he looked much older, but like this, he looked like a regular guy, not much older than myself.
“Hey,” he said, stepping inside and then greeting me with a kiss on the cheek. I could feel the blush on my face. When I glanced over to Rachel, she was watching us out of the corner of her eye, one side of her mouth curled up into a grin.
“Hello, Gabe,” she said and he turned his attention to her, taking my hand and crossing the room until we were at the kitchen counter.
“How’re you doing, Rachel?” he asked.
“Fine, thanks. Yourself?”
“Can’t complain,” he said and then looked over at me, squeezing my hand as he did so.
“That’s good to hear,” my sister said, eyeing me once more and I suddenly felt like an exhibit in a freak show. “I won’t be home till tomorrow morning, so make sure the door’s locked and all the windows are closed.”
“It’s forty degrees outside. Why would the windows even be open?” I sighed and she gave me a warning look.
“You know what I mean. Just be careful.”
“I’ll walk her home and make sure she’s safe,” Gabe said as he and Rachel made eye contact for a few moments.
“I’m right here, you know,” I said, looking between the two of them.
“I’m sorry,” Rachel relented. “I’m just still worried with everything going on.”
“I’ll be fine when I get home. You don’t need to worry anymore.” I tried sounding confident, but Gabe and Rachel looked at each other again and I knew no matter what I said, the two of them wouldn’t let it go. “We should get going. I’m sure your mom is waiting for us.”
“It was good to see you again, Rachel,” Gabe said.
“You too,” my sister replied and then I led Gabe towards the door.
“See you in the morning, Rache,” I said and she waved to me before we walked out.
Gabe took my hand as we walked down the steps and soon we were outside. Gabe’s SUV was parked a short walk from my apartment building and when we got to it, he opened the door for me. I climbed inside and a moment later, he’d joined me, starting the car and then looking across the console at me.
“I wanted to tell you earlier that you look incredible tonight,” he said, our eyes meeting and his face lit up from the glow of the dashboard.
“Thank you,” I said softly. “You don’t think it’s too much?”
“No. It’s perfect.”
“I just wanted to make a good impression on your family,” I said and I could hear the nerves in my voice.
“And you will. It’d be impossible not to.” He smiled at me and then brushed his fingertips over my cheek before leaning across the console and pressing his lips against mine. It was soft, but enough to leave me breathless when he pulled away. “You ready then?”
“Yeah,” I answered. He smiled at me again and then put the car in drive and pulled out into the street.
~~~
Gabe’s parents lived in Watertown, a suburb of Boston. It wasn’t far, but with the city traffic, it took us nearly forty-five minutes to get there. Part of me was grateful for the delay, but the other part was anxious to simply get there so the anxiety would go away.
It only got worse though when Gabe pulled in front of a large white house. It was old, which was typical of anywhere near the city, but the exterior was immaculately maintained so the old Colonial looked as fresh as when it’d been built.
“Relax, Sam,” Gabe said, squeezing my hand for a second. I nodded, but didn’t say anything. I couldn’t. My nerves wouldn’t let me just yet and before I could think about it, I’d opened the passenger door and got out.
I met Gabe around the front of the car and he took my hand again before leading me up the walkway and to the oak door that was decorated with a pretty fall wreath. I found myself staring at it. I was certain Gabe wasn’t giving it a second though. He was used to this. He was used to a beautiful home and a family inside who loved him. To him, the mixture of leaves and pinecones was nothing more than a decoration, but to me, it was more. To me, it was love.
He opened the door and then led me inside. I was immediately hit with the smell of something delicious. I couldn’t quite place it, but whatever it was, I was certain it tasted good.
I could hear chatter in the distance and I followed Gabe deeper into the house, the whole time my eyes checking out the place he grew up in. It was exceptionally clean with new furniture and decorations. Family pictures lined the walls and I tried to push down the envy I felt for Gabe. It wasn’t his fault he’d been born into a family like this, just as it wasn’t my fault I’d been dealt the cards I had. Still, I wondered if he realized how lucky he was.
When we turned the corner and entered the kitchen that opened up into the living room, my heart began to pound as a slew of dark eyes stared back at me.
“Gabriel,” a woman working at the counter said, a smile on her face. I suspected she was his mother. She was pretty, with long black hair and I noticed her warm eyes when her gaze drifted to mine, reminding me so much of Gabe’s.
She wiped her hands on her apron and walked over to us, embracing Gabe first and then pulling away to look at me.
“And you must be Sam,” she said, flashing that smile again that immediately put me at ease.
“Yes, ma’am,” I answered.
“Oh, don’t call me ma’am. Makes me feel old,” she said, resting her hand on my arm for a second. “Call me Carmen. It’s so nice to meet you.”
“It’s nice to meet you too,” I said and before I realized it, she’d pulled me in for a hug. It was such a motherly thing to do and I was taken aback at first. It wasn’t something I was accustomed to, but even though I’d only known her a few moments, Carmen made it easy.
“Let me introduce you to the rest of the family,” she said and when she pulled back, she took my arms, gently leading me towards Gabe’s family. “This is my husband, Sergio,” Carmen said, gesturing towards Gabe’s father. He stood up to meet me, holding his hand out and smiling. He reminded me of Gabe, only older, with salt and pepper hair and weathered skin. “And this is Gabriel’s grandfather, Armando and his abuela, Lupé.”
“Nice to meet you, bonita.” Lupé spoke with a thick accent as she walked her chubby frame towards me, her face curled up into a wrinkled smile. She pulled me in for a strong hug and then pulled back, patting my cheek gently with her palm. I found my eyes drifting towards Gabe out of the corner of my eye. He grinned at me and I smiled back just as Carmen turned to the two girls I assumed were sisters.
“And these are Gabriel’s sisters, Daniella and Marissa.”
They both smiled and we exchanged a few hellos before I felt Gabe beside me, sliding his hand around my waist. I was glad to have him so close again. He always had a way of calming me.
“And now that you’ve thoroughly embarrassed Sam, can you let her breathe please, Mom?”
“I’m sorry,” she said, shaking her head and looking at me. “My children love to harass me. They think I talk too much and smile too much. They basically think I’m crazy.” She laughed and I looked up at Gabe. He was making eye contact with his sisters, exchanging memories only they shared, but then Gabe let go of my waist and put his arm around his mom.
“We don’t think you’re crazy, just a little more enthusiastic than most, but we love you.” He towered over his mom and he bent down, kissing her on top of the head and she patted his arm before going to the oven and pulling something out.
“I hope you like enchiladas,” Carmen said as a cloud of steam engulfed the casserole dish she was holding.
“Love them,” I answered, when the truth was I’d only had them maybe twice and it’d been years.
“Dinner’s just about ready then so if you want to head into the dining room, we’ll get everything on the table in just a second.”
“Let me help you, Mom,” Gabe said, walking over to his mother and I couldn’t help but smile at his interaction with her. I could tell she adored her son and watching them together only reinforced the feelings I had for Gabe and showed me he was as good a guy as he seemed.
“I’d like to help too, Carmen,” I said, realizing I shouldn’t just stand there, even though I found Gabe’s family so interesting since they were so different than my dysfunctional one.
“Oh, mija, that’s not necessary. You’re our guest, but thank you.”
I looked to Gabe for reassurance. I didn’t want to come across as rude, but his look told me she meant what she said. I was their guest and she was going to treat me as such.
Gabe and his mother, along with his father, gathered up all of the food and I followed them into the dining room. There was a large oak table and as his family started to gather around it, I imagined this was a regular occurrence. It seemed routine to them and I found myself envisioning gatherings at Christmas and Thanksgiving, like the ones you see on TV shows. I’d never personally experienced one, but I imagined what it would be like and I decided it was probably wonderful.
Gabe and his parents finished putting the food on the table and then he held out a chair for me. I sat down and he sat down beside me a moment later. The rest of the family sat down too and almost as if on cue, they all began doing the sign of the cross before holding hands and starting to pray. It only lasted a few moments and they were crossing themselves again before conversation began to fill the room as Carmen dished up. I was given my plate first and I looked down at the enchiladas and rice. As much as I wanted to try some, I waited till everyone was served and then took a bite. Not surprisingly, it was delicious.
“This is delicious, Carmen,” I said and she reached over, resting her hand on mine for a moment, smiling at me. I found it hard to believe someone could be so nice all the time, but Carmen seemed genuine. She seemed kind and cheerful and I knew she loved her family. I saw many of the same qualities in Gabe and as I watched him discreetly, I found it hard to look away. Seeing him like this, amongst his family, the people who knew him best, the people who’d shaped who he was, caused me to see him in a different light. The tough cop came from a family with a heart of gold and I told myself to push away the lump in my throat I felt forming as my mind floated off to the things I’d missed out on in my life. A family that loved me and gathered together. A mother who hugged me and told me she loved and actually meant it. A man who treated a woman with respect. I’d had none of that and it had been my norm, even though I knew there was nothing normal about it. Seeing things like the moment I found myself in though showed me it could be. One day, I could have this. A family that loved each other and a man who saw me as his equal. A man who truly loved me and didn’t just say it after he hurt me. It did exist and I deserved to have it too.
Gabe must’ve felt me looking at him because his eyes drifted to mine and then he smiled. The kind of smile that reached deep into my heart. I felt his hand on my knee under the table then until he found my hand, threading our fingers together and squeezing gently. I’d already learned so much since Gabe came into my life. Deep down, I’d known it, but sometimes it takes someone else to show us what we already know.
“So, Sam,” Carmen said once everyone was settled and eating, “Gabe tells us you’re in college. What’re you studying?”
“History,” I answered.
“And what do you want to do with it?”
“I’m thinking I’d like to teach.”
“That’s wonderful,” she said with a smile. “Are you originally from Boston?”
I felt a pit form in my stomach. I didn’t know what to say. Carmen was asking about my past, something I did my best not to talk about.
“I moved around as a kid actually,” I said. “I lived mostly in Worcester though.”
“So, college brought you here then?” she continued.
“Yeah. My sister works at Mass General. I moved in with her.”
“That’s great. Your parents must be so proud of both of you.”
I tried to push down the lump in my throat at her words and I felt Gabe’s thumb begin to rub the back of my hand gently. He’d obviously not told his family anything about my past and while I was grateful for that, it meant Carmen had asked what would normally be a perfectly innocent question, but for me, it meant scrambling to answer her question without telling a lie, but at the same time, keeping my past to myself.
“Yeah, they are,” I said, telling one of the biggest lies of my life. I hadn’t seen my father since I was a toddler and my mother could care less about me. I decided to turn the conversation away from me and I looked over to Sergio.
“Gabe tells me you were a cop too, Mr. Torres.”
“I was. Twenty-five years on the force.” A humble smile spread on his face and then he looked at Gabe.
“Gabriel always wanted to be like his father,” Carmen added.
“I told him not to become a cop, but once my son has something in his head, there’s no talking him out of it,” Sergio said and I watched as Gabe smiled at his dad.
“You know I love being a cop, Dad.”
“I know you do,” Sergio said, his voice becoming more serious. “But your mother doesn’t. She had twenty-five years of worrying every time I left for work and now she has to worry about you.”
I looked over to Carmen whose eyes were moving between her husband and her son. She had been nothing but jovial since we showed up, but I saw a different look in her eyes now. It couldn’t be easy for her.
“Leave him alone,” Gabe’s grandmother chimed in. “He’s happy and that’s all that matters.”
“Exactly,” Carmen jumped in. The look from a second ago was gone and she smiled over to her son. “I’m proud of Gabriel. No matter what he did, I’d worry about him. At least he’s doing what he loves.”
“Thank you, Mom,” Gabe said, their eyes meeting for a few moments before it grew quiet.
“How’d you meet my brother, Sam?” Gabe’s sisters hadn’t said much, but Daniella was looking at me now.
“Um,” I began, wondering what exactly I should say. “The first time we met, he nearly gave me a parking ticket,” I said and they all laughed, including both Gabe and myself, but my laughter faded before I continued. “And the second time,” I began, “was when I had an accident. He was the responding officer.” Daniella’s eyes got big for a second and then smiled.
“Seriously?” she asked.
“Yeah,” I answered, turning so I met Gabe’s eyes, my mind drifting to that night when I’d been so afraid and those same eyes had brought me such comfort.
“That’s seriously romantic,” Daniella grinned.
“Gabe’s been really good to me,” I said softly and Gabe smiled sweetly at me. “I’m very lucky to have met him.”
I felt a lump in my throat again. I didn’t expect it to come, but talking about Gabe and expressing my feelings for him out loud to his family I’d just met, made it even more apparent how much he’d come to mean to me in the short time we’d known each other. I felt his hand take mine again under the table. He smiled again and then leaned over, kissing me gently on the temple. I closed my eyes and for a moment, it was as if the rest of them had disappeared. It was just Gabe and I for that moment. When I opened my eyes, they were all back and I felt my cheeks flush red realizing how lost I’d gotten in my own mind. But, then I felt my gaze drift to Carmen and the smile she greeted me with was different than one I’d seen all night. I’d been nervous to meet his family. I was nervous they wouldn’t think I was good enough for Gabe because I hadn’t felt good enough my entire life, but Carmen’s smile showed me I had nothing to be nervous about and that I was good enough.