Epilogue
Six Years Later
Fall was my favorite time of year in New England. The colors of the trees and the crisp autumn air, along with the hint of pumpkin that always seemed to linger, brought me a sense of contentment I rarely ever felt any other time of year.
The leaves crunched under my feet as I walked slowly up the path and I couldn’t deny the beauty of the trees, which seemed to be burning with the vivid reds, oranges and yellows. This was a beautiful place despite the reason I was here.
Each time I made this walk, I wondered how different my life might have been had things turned out differently, had that one day not happened. It had taken me a long time to accept that I couldn’t dwell on what could have happened and accept what did happen. Gabe had died and there was nothing that could change that.
I looked ahead and saw the small piece of granite come into view. It was tucked below a towering tree filled with bright red leaves, some of which had fallen and blanketed the ground. I paused for a moment, staring at the scene as the familiar ache began to fill my heart. I always hoped it would get easier, but it hadn’t yet and I didn’t think I’d ever stop missing him.
I took a deep breath and continued towards his grave. I hadn’t been here in a while. It was hard now that I lived in New Hampshire. But whenever I came back to visit my sister, I tried to come. I didn’t always make it though. Sometimes I said I didn’t have time, when the truth was, sometimes it was simply too hard to go.
It was a few more steps until we were standing under the red leaves, my eyes focusing on the stone in front of me. The last piece of evidence that Gabriel Torres had existed. I felt a lump in my throat and I did my best to fight the tears I could feel burning the backs of my eyes. A soft whimper pulled my attention away and I bent down, scooping her tiny body up into my arms, holding her close and kissing the top of her head full of dark hair. She was only a few months old, but I already loved her more than anything I’d ever loved.
I was quiet for a bit, slowly rocking her in my arms and looking down at his name. I never said anything when I came. I would just remember our time together and the lessons he’d taught me, but it was different this time. I needed to talk to him.
“I’m sorry I haven’t been here in a while,” I began softly. “I live up in New Hampshire now. I don’t come back to Boston as much as I used to. I got a job teaching history to middle schoolers there. I love it.” I was quiet for a few seconds before continuing. “Rachel is still here. She doesn’t live in our apartment anymore though. She’s actually engaged. He’s a really nice guy. His name’s Lucas and they’re getting married in December. I’m glad she found someone,” I said, smiling to myself because my sister deserved to be happy. She’d taken care of me for so long and she deserved to have someone take care of her for a change. “Things are a little better with my mom too. Not much, but we talk some. I’m not giving up hope yet. Someday she’ll realize what she’s worth, just like I did…just like you helped me to see.” I took a break for a moment, closing my eyes and listening to the sounds of the geese flying overhead. “I still talk to your family sometimes. They miss you. We all miss you.” I paused for a few seconds, adjusting the blanket wrapped around my daughter, making sure she was shielded from the cool, autumn breeze and taking in a deep breath, needing a moment before I went on. “I met someone,” I finally said and then paused for a few long seconds, closing my eyes and wondering if he could hear me. Something told me he could. Something told me he was here, beside me, listening to every word. Something told me he was always with me. “His name is John. He’s a veterinarian and he’s an amazing man,” I said, feeling my throat catch. I loved my husband with all of my heart, but it didn’t dull the ache of missing Gabe. “I didn’t think I could love anyone after you. John was so patient with me though. He knows all about you. I’ve never kept you a secret. He knows how important you are to me and I think he’s okay knowing you’ll always have a piece of my heart…that he’ll always have to share me with you.”
John had come into my life unexpectedly. Gabe had been gone for three years, but I hadn’t let go. I wasn’t ready to let go and let someone else in. We started out as friends and I’d told him everything about Gabe and I’d told him everything about my past. He’d listened patiently and without judgement. He made me smile again and it gradually changed from friendship to something deeper. He treated me with the respect and adoration Gabe had shown me I deserved. Eventually, I found myself falling in love with him, which wasn’t an easy thing to accept. Gabe had been the love of my life and it took a while to realize it was okay to move on…to be happy. I knew it was what Gabe would want for me. Just as his mother had said at the funeral, he wanted me to live and be strong. Opening my heart to love again was exactly what Gabe would’ve wanted me to do, even if it hadn’t been easy.
“I don’t know why you were taken from us,” I continued softly. “I think about that every day, but like you once told me, there’s a reason for everything. And as much as it has hurt to lose you, there was a reason you came into my life. Without you, I wouldn’t be who I am today. You helped prepare me for the person I am today. You changed my life and I don’t want to think about where I would be if I hadn’t known you…if you hadn’t shown me what love really is…if you hadn’t made me see what I am worth and I will love you forever for that.”
My daughter started to move in my arms. I held her closer and rocked her gently.
“John and I got married last year and our daughter was born three months ago,” I said gently, my voice catching in my throat as I recalled two of the happiest days of my life. “She’s incredible. We named her Gabriella…after you. It was John’s idea actually,” I said, a slight smile forming on my face. “He really is that great.” I wiped at the tear pooling in the corner of my eye. “Gabby is the greatest thing that’s ever happened to me and she will never know the pain I knew growing up. Because of you, she won’t ever doubt if she’s loved and she will always know how a man should love and respect her. She won’t accept anything less. I’ll make sure of it.”
I closed my eyes, pulling Gabby close and breathing her in, silently promising to keep her safe and protected always, to never let her feel what I did. A tear fell down my cheek because I knew without Gabe, I might not be able to make that promise to my daughter because I might not know it myself.
I opened my eyes as the wind picked up, causing the leaves to dance at my feet. The breeze was cool, but I felt nothing but warmth as I felt him with me, his arms around me, feeling his embrace once more and knowing he loved me. He’d never stopped loving me.
“I love you, Gabe,” I whispered. “Thank you for making my world a better place. Thank you for loving me…for making my life a happy one. It’s because of you I have all of this and I will never forget you.”
I wiped the tears from my eyes and then kissed my hand, resting it on top of the stone that bore his name, that told of the wonderful man that lie below, the man who had saved me. This would never get easier, but I knew he would never leave me. He would always be there in some way because of the lessons I’d learned from loving him. He’d always be in my heart, giving me gentle reminders to live life and be strong…to pass those lessons on to Gabby. He may be gone from this earth, but he would never be forgotten.
Slowly, my hand lifted from the stone. I rested it on my daughter’s back, holding her close as I turned and walked toward my new life with a husband who loved me, a daughter I cherished and a heart full of memories that would always remind me of a man who loved me. A man who taught me to love myself. A man who had saved me. A man who had made this life possible.
My future awaited and I knew it was going to be a good one.