The crash from the living room made Ray's heart stutter and he saw his alarm reflected on his mother’s face—the echo of so many times as he was growing up and his younger siblings scared the living hell out of them both.

It took his brain a moment to process what had happened when they made it there. Then Glen poked his head out from under the jungle gym and he saw his brother was holding up one of the walls that had become detached from the main structure.

“Glen,” his mother said, half disappointed and half relieved. Ray recognized the subtle nuances—he’d learned to so he could play bad or good cop. It was mostly bad cop when it came to an accident that only resulted in material damage—his mother was strict but she couldn’t get past the relief long enough to be angry that they no longer had a TV, or a sofa because TJ or Anne had got a little too inventive with their play.

Jamie slipped through Glen’s side and landed on the floor. Ray had left him wearing his onesie, now he was only in a diaper.

It was better than naked, and he could hear all the pup’s heartbeats, slightly elevated but steady. He could see it was going to get harder to play bad cop now that he was a parent too.

“Glen, where are Jamie's clothes?” he asked as he pushed the cracked red plastic toy off him and got the other babies out. They were not just okay but also seemed to have managed to stay dressed.

His brother gave him the wide eyed looked Ray had fallen for so often and he had to steel himself to look serious and wait for an answer. “He... he shifted.”

“What?” Ray repeated. “We trained them. They never shift inside the castle.”

Glen got to his feet, still a little chubby at six, and shrugged.

“Glen,” Martha intervened. “Did you tell Jamie to shift?”

Glen looked up at their mum. “No!”

“Then?” she pressed.

Glen couldn’t resist the maternal scrutiny for long. “I... I tickled him. And he kicked it! I didn't know!”

Ray almost burst out laughing, but his mum's face darkened. “And now the castle is broken,” she admonished.

“Mum...” Ray started. “It’s—”

“No, Raymond, it is not okay,” she interrupted. She sounded really upset.

Ray put his hand on her shoulder—sometimes it was still odd that he was taller than her. She turned his way, pulse a little fast and mouth pursed. “They are all fine,” he reminded her.

“Maybe I can buy a new one...”

“What?” Ray asked. “No! You didn't break it, and I'm sure Gabriel can fix it. It's made for humans, of course it's not great at coping with werewolves.”

That got him a small smile but she still didn't look convinced. “It’s just that you never had nice things like these, and—"

“What are you talking about?” Ray asked, “We had...”

They hadn't had a jungle gym, or floaters shaped like sharks, and Ray remembered bitterly when everyone had got into Tamagotchi. They hadn’t been that expensive but he’d known not to even ask when it’d mean buying at least five of them for his siblings.

“We had the pack,” he reminded her. “And I totally smashed the trampoline Josh’s parents got for him when we got everyone to jump on it at once. Happens.”

She frowned. “I thought Josh broke it.”

“Yeah, well, we didn't want you to get angry and Josh's mum just told him that if he'd broken it, he would have to use his birthday present money to get a new one.”

She sighed, picking up Sasha and cradling her close in the same way Ray had seen her hold Glen when she was upset. Sasha snuggled into her grandma's blossom happily and the others were all busy with the toys scattered across the room. “I never got them anything,” his mum said almost shyly.

“Got them anything?” Ray repeated. “Why should you? There's nothing they need.”

She met his eyes and almost snapped. “They are my grandchildren, Raymond. Clearly their other grandparents thought it was appropriate,” she added and titled her head towards the jungle gym.

“Well, Sergi's dad missed them being born because he was in Nigeria. I think he felt guilty.”

“I just want—”

“Mum,” Ray cut her off, catching Clara as she crawled up the couch in yet another attempt to walk that would end up with her flat on her face and crying. Ray took her hands and held her up as she stumbled forward. Maybe her shoes weren’t the best for this, he thought absently. “You don't need to buy them anything,” he told his mum, “You are here.”

“You will let me babysit more often, then?” she pressed.

“Um, yeah, I guess,” Ray agreed, sidestepping to keep up with his daughter. The others would at least follow whichever adult was leading them around—Clara acted as though they were mere accessories and she was in charge of the trajectory.

“Good,” his mum declared, “It's not healthy for a young man to be copped into the house all day.”

The words hit him hard and he knelt and picked Clara up, holding her close.

His mum noticed, of course. “Ray? What is it?”

And he couldn’t speak. He pushed his face against Clara's neck and breathed her in, a reminder that it would be worth it. He hadn't wanted Clara either, but he loved her more than anything. He couldn't imagine his life without her and the others.

It would be the same this time, if he could only...

He didn't realise he'd been quiet for too long until he heard Marisa's voice.

“Ray?” she asked softly. “Can I have Clara? It's lunch time.”

He looked up and saw the carefully neutral looks on both his mother's and sister's faces. He passed Clara over and stepped back, feeling like he'd exposed his very thoughts by blanking like that.

“Glen, go with your sister,” his mother said, and then she walked up to Ray and put an arm around his waist to guide him in the opposite direction, towards the bedrooms.

Ray let her and she walked him down the hall to his own room. Did she know? He wondered. Marisa knew, of course, everyone in his pack did. It hadn't occurred to him to ask her to keep it a secret. Maybe it was better if she'd told, really, then Ray wouldn't have to.

His mum made him take a seat on the side of the bed and rubbing his shoulders. “Tell me?” she asked softly.

“I—” he started and promptly choked on the words. He was shaking a little. He wasn't afraid, he was... ashamed.

His mum touched his face softly, not making him look up but offering silent comfort. “You will feel better if you tell me,” she promised.

It was a familiar promise—and it had always been true before. But this...

He closed his eyes and took her hand in his, then pressed it against his belly. She stumbled a little closer, then gasped. She didn't pull away or say anything for a long moment. When she pulled her hand away from his middle it was to sit next to him on the bed and hold him close.

Ray turned this body towards her, a part of him desperate for her scent—the same scent he'd always known meant he was safe.

He didn't cry—maybe he'd cried too much already. Maybe a part of him understood the milk was spilt and nothing could be done.

He was conscious that he hadn't told her everything, but he didn't need to ask if she'd forgive him for not being strong enough. He had all the answer he needed in the weight of her hands on his back and steady presence by his side. He was loved and there was nothing to forgive.

He had made the right choice about the baby, he realised. He couldn't destroy something like this, even if he couldn't be half the parent his mum was.

It was almost easy to whisper, “It’s not... my alphas'. It's—”

His mum shushed him. “I know.”

He frowned, then closed his eyes again. So Marisa had told her. That was fine. It wouldn't have been fair of Ray to ask her not to talk to her own mother about something like this.

&

“So... we got a little side-tracked and all, but I thought maybe we could try the cinema? New Avengers movie is out.”

Ray glanced up from his drawing, body tensing at the idea of leaving the house. He’d left his door open, but now he wasn’t sure why. Still, it was too late. Josh was leaning against his doorway, a hopeful smile on his lips. Ray knew he was right, that he hadn’t left the house in almost two weeks. The beta wing was pretty much done except for some painting—and Alec had very softly suggested Ray might want to avoid inhaling the fumes—and he hadn't gone further than the back garden in a month.

“Alec will be back at six from work,” Josh added. “I know he's your favourite babysitter.”

Guilt twisted in Ray's stomach. “It’s not...”

“I’m just teasing,” Josh interrupted. “You know that, right?”

“It’s true, though,” Ray said and put his pad down. “And it's pretty shitty of me to feel better if he's with them because I know he can’t stop worrying.”

“Is it?” Josh asked. “It’s not like he would be fine if you didn't ask him to babysit, or if you didn't feel better. At least this way his worrying has a purpose.”

“Sure,” Ray bit out. “I’m taking advantage of my lover's mental illness, but at least that way it isn't going to waste! Do you hear yourself?”

“Ray, Alec loves to babysit. He has wanted to be a paediatrician forever,” Josh said softly, refusing to be baited.

Ray deflated. “It’s just fucked up.”

“Well, yeah, it can't be fun to be... I don't know what to call it, but it looks stressful.” Josh stepped past the threshold. “But I do know Alec cares about you and he wants you to feel better, and for that...”

“Is this, like, therapy?” Ray asked.

“Yes,” Josh said easily. “Cinema therapy, we go and stare at a lot of attractive people jump and fly around defeating evil and if you are up for it, I'll take you to dinner afterwards.”

Take him to dinner? Ray licked his lips, raising his eyebrows at Josh. “That doesn't sound like therapy.”

Josh shrugged. “It’ll get you out of the house.”

He was right, of course, even if it sounded like a date.

&

Josh and he had gone to town and watched movies all their lives, and sometimes they'd gone to dinner afterwards. And that was obviously why Josh thought it'd make a good distraction. Also because there wasn't that much to do in Lanchester.

Ray had given Alec a hug when he'd shown up and taken over the babysitting, and his alpha had seemed surprised but pleased. Ray had even managed not to ask him to check if his phone was charged. Given, it was mostly because Irina, Iesu and Sergi were back and Gabriel was on his way from across the lake with Hugo and Yousuf.

But still. The least he could do was trust Alec's... attention to detail.

“M&Ms or crisps?” Josh checked.

Ray was startled to realise they were already at the cinema. “But we didn't stop at Tesco's,” he objected.

Josh grinned. “Ah, you of little faith. Check the backseat.”

Ray twisted around and saw the supermarket bags in the footrests. “Oh.”

Josh had always been able to afford the overpriced treats at the cinema stands, of course, but he'd gone shopping with Ray and snuck their sweets under their jackets anyway. And he'd remembered now.

Ray occupied himself looking through the bags so he wouldn't have to meet his friend's eyes. Their nascent pack was nowhere near as short on cash as his family had been growing up with a single adult and a little support from the pack, but thrift wasn't a habit one unlearned. It had been a year and it still made Ray uncomfortable to overspend—not to mention Marisa was likely to shout at anyone who couldn't figure out if something was actually cheaper just because it was on sale.

“Thanks,” he told Josh, shoving the M&Ms into the inside pocket of his jacket.

Josh gave him a sunny smile. “My pleasure.”

They bought hot drinks inside so they would be hot and made their way to the middle row of seats—where neither their sight nor their hearing would be overwhelmed by the surround sound system and giant screen.

For the most part, being a werewolf gave them an edge over regular humans so it was easy to forget the world wasn’t made for people like them. Once, they had made the mistake of trying to watch a 3D movie and ended up throwing up. At least it had been in Durham and nobody else had witnessed their humiliation.

“Do you remember Durham?” Ray asked as they settled.

Josh made a disgusted noise. “I thought we didn't speak of Durham,” he replied in an overly dramatic tone.

“We don't speak about Durham to other people.”

“Because it's so fun to reminisce about getting sick in a public toilet,” Josh said dryly. He passed Ray his phone and Ray saw that it was already ringing.

“What—”

“Therapy,” Josh reminded him. “You get it before you need it.”

Ray didn't get a chance to object because Alec picked up. He sounded breathless but after a moment it became clear it was laughter and not running for the phone. “Sorry, Ray. Everything's okay, just— Gabriel is singing.”

“Is he drunk?” Ray demanded.

“Lost a bet”, Alec replied. “Oh, goddess, he chortled. “Marisa told me, but...”

Josh touched his arm and glanced around meaningfully.

“You should record it,” Ray told Alec. “Gotta go!”

“I predict a dry spell coming Gabriel’s way,” Josh said mirthfully.

Ray snorted. It was true that his singing voice was the one thing that could dispel the effect of his cousin’s good lucks and confidence. “Nah, Alec’s too gone on him to care. I bet this bet he lost was a sex thing.”

“Doubt it,” Josh whispered back.

“Why?”

“Well, I want to respect their privacy and all but let’s put it this way: we really need to invest in soundproofing Gabriel’s bedroom before the babies get to an age where they might understand what’s going on.”

Ray turned to look at him. His own bedroom was on the opposite side of the corridor from Gabriel’s. “What is going on?”

Josh swallowed, licking his lips, eyes flickering towards the screen scolding them for leaving the mobiles on with weirdly disturbing caricatures. “I don't think they need to bet about sex to keep things... interesting.”

“So they are doing kinky shit.”

Josh shrugged and Ray noticed his cheeks were flushed. “Sounds like it.”

“But it's... good?” he couldn't help but ask.

Josh gave him a surprised look. “Yes, of course. I mean, the sounds are good. From both of them.”

“That’s...” He stopped himself. “I’m glad it works for Alec,” he settled for.

Josh nodded, then pushed his elbow against Ray's until their upper arms were pressed together.

That was definitely new but Ray didn't move, allowing himself to enjoy the warmth as the movie began.

They were mostly silent until Josh sighed. “Can Scarlett Johansson be on my celebrity cheat list?”

“Only if she can be in mine too,” Ray said easily. Josh twitched next to him and he looked away from the gorgeous redhead onscreen to the gorgeous man next to him. “What?”

“Threesome,” Josh hissed, half wistful, half annoyed.

Ray got distracted by the image for a moment, but in truth it didn't appeal.

Not that he wouldn't have liked to give it a go with Black Widow—or her real life alter ego—but he didn't think he wanted to see Josh with her.

No. He wanted Josh attention on him.

Maybe Josh could feel his distraction, maybe he was still thinking about the threesome because he twisted his arm until his hand was hanging over Ray's own lap in invitation.

Ray glanced down, then back at the screen—feeling as nervous as a kid on a first date.

He exhaled and put his hand on top of Josh's, squeezing a bit.

He felt Josh shiver against his shoulder and but kept staring at the screen—something was exploding and Iron Man was flying in a way that meant someone else was about to die a messy death.

Iron Man picked up Captain America and Josh extended his fingers under Ray's. Ray cautiously curled his own fingers in the gaps between, effectively entwining their hands.

His heart was hammering too fast and it took him a good few seconds to focus his gaze on the screen again.

It was ridiculous. Josh and he had... Well, they had a child together, for one thing. But that didn't matter to Ray's traitorous pulse.

Maybe it was part of therapy—Josh desensitizing Ray to touch the way he was trying to get him used to being away from their territory. But as if he could read Ray's mind, Josh's thumb curved upwards to caress the side of Ray's hand.

Ray startled a little and lost track of who'd shot whom, but he managed not to look down at their hands. If this was just a technique or whatever, he didn’t want to seem... He squeezed Josh’s hand. Easy. No big deal.

They held hands the rest of the movie and Josh caught Ray by surprise when he didn’t let go even when the lights came on, meeting his eyes while they were still joined. He was smiling, a little nervous but pleased with himself. Maybe he...

Ray licked his lips. He didn’t know what to say.

But he didn’t have time to think of anything, a female voice came from his side. “Excuse me? Could you...?”

Ray yanked his hand back, scrambling to get out of the way. “Sorry,” he said automatically.

Josh looked amused after the lady and her three boys made their way past them, but he offered Ray a hand up with a little bow. Ray took it. He’d take what he could get.

&

He was a little worried dinner would be awkward after that, but Josh clearly had planned in advance.

“Call,” he told Ray as soon as they sat in the car.

Ray was fine, he had been too distracted by the double stimulation of the movie and Josh’s light... flirting? to wonder too much what was going on at home.

And he trusted Alec to have things under control, especially with rest of his pack there.

But he could see Josh’s point: if he checked before he worried, his thoughts couldn’t wander away from him when he wasn’t paying attention.

Still, didn’t mean he had to waste the call. He dialled his cousin’s number.

“Heard you were putting on a show,” he said, not bothering with a greeting.

Gabriel groaned. “He told you?”

“It was more like he couldn't stop laughing long enough to answer the phone,” Ray answered with perhaps a little too much glee.

“I do think the punishment is a little disproportionate to my crime,” Gabriel groused. “I had no idea Marisa had snitched.”

“Well, you shouldn't bet if you don't want to pay up,” Ray said, hoping for a hint of what had been at stake.

Gabriel laughed, clearly seeing right through him. “You want to know what the bet was, don't you?”

“Duh.” Ray shifted in place, retrieving the almost empty M&M package from his pocket and stopping when Josh put a hand on top of his and mouthed at him. 'Dinner.’

He rolled his eyes at his friend and nearly missed Gabriel's next words. “Milk.”

“What?”

“I forgot the milk. He called me this morning and asked me to pick up some because the one we had was spoiled. He told me to write it down, and I said I didn't need to. Alec said if I did, I'd owe him one.”

Ray laughed. “Milk?!” he repeated incredulously.

“He’s a smart guy.”

“And he's got your number,” Ray said, laughing a little. His cousin seem incapable of doubting himself, even when it would have been sensible to.

“Yeah,” Gabriel admitted. He sounded anything but put off by the idea.

“He promised me a recording,” Ray added and hung up before Gabriel could recover from the shock.

He didn't ask if everything was okay.

&

He was still smiling when Josh found a parking space near the plaza where most local restaurants were located.

They hadn't done this as often—when you could hunt your own food and were used to cooking for six people to save up... Well, it seemed stupid to pay ten quid for a pizza for each person.

“So what do you want?” Josh asked, undoing his seatbelt and raising his eyebrows at Ray. The Jeep was old enough that it wouldn't beep if you didn't use them, but neither Ray nor Josh needed to be taught the lesson twice.

“Pizza?” Ray asked.

“You could sound a little less interested,” Josh pointed out. “I’m paying, in case it wasn't obvious.”

He'd paid for the tickets and the drinks, but Ray had assumed he was using the house funds. They had all decided early on that everyone would keep their own bank accounts and transfer a percentage to the household fund that was under Ray's name. Ray had worked part-time growing up, but he'd had less than 50£ under his name when he'd got... When they'd started the pack. Since then, the account had never come even close to overdraft and Gabriel had switched him to a higher interest rate for people who had regular income they didn't immediately spend.

But it was hard to feel it was his money—even when he was happy to tell Marisa that of course she could buy period pads and any necessities with the household funds, it didn't feel right to go out and spend the money they could use for sensors, or paint, or...

“You can stop worrying about it so much,” Josh reminded him.

“I don't work,” Ray pointed out.

Josh frowned. “What are you talking about?”

“I mean, obviously I do things for the pack and I know it's... equivalent or whatever, but it's not like I can say: well, I'm going to dinner and I'll make the money back in one afternoon or something.”

“Oh,” Josh said. “Okay, I guess that makes sense. You could think whether I will make it back?” he offered. “Like, if it takes Alec to make back enough to pay for it, then you are definitely overspending.”

Ray snorted. “You can pay,” he decided. “Let's have sushi.”

“Of course I'm paying,” Josh bantered, and opened the door. “It’s a date.”

Ray scrambled after him.

&

It took a lot of sushi to satisfy a werewolf, so they went a little crazy and ordered a bit of everything. The starter arrived pretty quickly, but even making a show of tasting every morsel, it was over way too soon. And underneath all the joking, Ray hadn't quite forgotten Josh's throwaway comment.

“You want to call again?” Josh asked him, clearly picking up on his unease.

“No.” He placed the sticks on the mat. “I... a date?” he asked.

“Oh.” Josh sounded surprised. “Um, if you want?”

Ray met his eyes. “You said... I thought you didn’t. I mean, after...” He swallowed. He’d thought what Josh had told him before he’d been... taken didn’t count anymore. He’d tried his hardest to be okay with that, to concentrate on getting better—getting out of the house, doing the work that needed doing. If before his feelings had been inconvenient and dangerous to the pack’s stability...

“After what?” Josh asked.

“Finding out. I—” He cut himself off, shrugging.

Josh was silent for a long moment, but Ray still didn't look up. It was one thing guessing that Josh might not... might not want to touch him anymore, and quite another to see it on his face. “I want to,” Josh finally said. “I never stopped wanting to.”

Ray swallowed. He couldn't quite process the seriousness in Josh's tone. Or maybe it was just hard to reconcile it with the facts: Josh wanted to date Ray when he was pregnant with another alpha's child? What did that even...?

“What about you?” Josh asked him, very softly, like he was afraid to push.

Ray glanced at him, frowning. “I... I told you. Yes. I have... I have wanted to for a long time. To...” He waved between them.

“What about it interfering with the pack?”

Ray snorted. “If they can get over this...” he started, glancing down at his middle with a grimace. Josh's hand shot out and grabbed his on the table, squeezing hard enough to get his attention.

“They can, and so can you,” he told Ray, his tone allowed no objections.

Ray stared at him, hope and longing warring inside him. “Okay.”

Josh's answering smile was like a fire in winter, slowly warming him up from the tip of his fingers to the top of his head. “Good, date it is. Means I get a kiss,” he added with a little smirk.

Ray's heart jumped, but before he could respond in any way, the waiter came over and Josh had to let go of his hand to make room on the table for the food.

&

It turned out there was a way to eat too much sushi even if you were a werewolf with a superfast metabolism. Ray groaned. “Oh, moon, why did I have that tray of California rolls?”

Josh shrugged, manoeuvring out of the parking lot. “Not sure, it's not even real sushi.”

“I know, I think there's mayo in them,” Ray said, half wistful, half pained. It wasn't often that he managed to push his body past its limits.

“I take it you don't want ice-cream.”

Ray shot him a look. “What? You want to reach Alec levels of spending?”

Josh snorted. “Nah, just want to look good for free,” he claimed with a mischievous look. “You look like you couldn't eat one more bite if I offered to pay you.” He must have seen Ray's mulish look. “And that is not a dare. I don't want any more memories of you throwing up, thanks.”

Ray felt full and happy, and a little sleepy too but it was like his skin was buzzing. He didn’t he could actually fall asleep. The question just slipped out, “Are you still angry with me? For asking you to...”

Josh didn’t seem angry, he was warmth and attentive and even flirting with Ray. Ray wasn’t so sure he was living up to his best friend’s expectations, though. He’d already fucked up once by not asking, he wasn’t taking the chance again.

Josh shot him a look as he took the road towards their territory, but he was looking forward again as he responded, “Not right now. I—This is what I wanted.” He glanced at Ray again. “I had a good time.”

“Me too,” Ray said softly. He wanted to ask more. For more. But it wasn’t fair to expect Josh to forget the way Ray had asked him to be his First Alpha without even considering Josh’s feelings. It felt like poison in Ray’s stomach, the guilt like a weight he couldn’t shake. But Josh was happy now. Ray was making him happy. “Best date ever,” he added in a high pitched voice.

Josh snorted a laugh, just like he’d expected. “You think you can fake it? I know about all your dates, remember? I know you are telling the truth.”

Not that he needed to know Ray’s history to figure that out, even though Ray’s heart was suddenly going so fast he thought Josh might miss it if it skipped a beat.

Josh stopped the Jeep a little lopsidedly near the house—not like anybody cared where they parked—and turned to meet his eyes. Ray watched him back, heart in his throat, and Josh leaned forwards a little. A question, he thought.

And Ray knew the answer. For Josh, the answer was always going to be yes. He clutched at the side of Josh’s seat and pressed his lips against the corner of Josh’s mouth, a little to the left of where he’d meant to place them. But Josh didn’t move, staying where he was and letting Ray correct his course on his own. And then he let Ray part his lips with his tongue and Ray found that he had his hand on Josh’s biceps and his tongue in Josh’s mouth, and the stick was poking him painfully in the hip.

He pulled back and looked down. “Manual transmission is protecting your virtue.”

Josh laughed. “I’m pretty sure I heard a story about a girl using it as a dildo,” he said. He was flushed, happy and... Ray swallowed.

He wanted more, but at the same time, he liked this. Maybe they’d done a lot with each others’ bodies already, but they hadn’t done this silly dance of courtship. They hadn’t taken the time to discover how to be around each other when the idea of touching each other was equally appealing and terrifying.

Maybe their reasons for being wary were different than most people’s, but it still felt like there was a tension building between them that would go off in technicolour once they were done resisting it.

Ray wanted to resist it a little longer and when Josh got out of the car, it felt like they were finally on the same page. Their eyes met once more with the Jeep between them and they could have gone around, or hell, jumped over it, but instead Ray smirked. “Last one to the house is a loser!”

He set off, and heard Josh laughing in his wake.