Yamila had forgiven Ray for not getting back to her about the commission sooner and afterwards, she’d even recommended Ray to her friends. But Ray had still agreed to doing a portrait for Adele and Lara first—they were paying him, but they got a family priority for helping Alec with the study.

Of course, at this point, families with young children had gone from reluctant agreement to eager solicitations when it came to his mate’s project. Alec looked slightly more tired but satisfied—maybe Ray could admit some of that was due to his cousin’s attention, but he liked the idea that Alec’s work was just that fulfilling.

His own, informal as the commissions still were, was making him up stay up too late and wake up too early, fingers twitching for a pencil. Of course at some point the pack would get bored with his portraits and then... Well, he knew it wasn’t a career, but that didn’t seem to matter to his brain when he saw what he’d done and the endorphins hit him like a stampede of raging elephants.

So he was doing it. He was going to go back to college to ask about art courses—not A levels, he didn’t want a paper saying he had learned, he just wanted to do it. He wanted people who were struggling with shading, or had in the past, someone to bounce ideas with who was excited about technique and not just beauty—he had Sergi for that—and just... a space, a room, time.

A little time to himself every week. It wasn’t selfish. Or maybe it was. But he was allowed. He was a parent now, not a robot. He had always known the image of the omega who sacrificed it all for their pack was bullshit, but part of him had bought it anyway. Maybe the same part who’d grown up in a world where there was too little of everything and sacrifice had come to mean love.

“You ready?” Gabriel asked, leaning against the kitchen doorway.

Irina stepped closer to take Jamie from Ray’s arms. Ray smiled at her, then nodded at his alpha. “Just let me get the canvas bag.”

Gabriel had turned on the radio by the time Ray got to the car. It was crackly this far out from civilization but it filled the silence. It was pretty early still but Gabriel was used to waking at dawn so ten in the morning was practically afternoon for him.

“Where are you guys going for lunch?” Ray asked, idly fiddling with the strap of his bag.

Gabriel snorted. “You think that’s up to me?” he asked. “Your mate is a foodie snob, last time he let me choose what to eat, we had Chinese in his room.”

Ray frowned. “Really? When was that? Not like you can get anyone to deliver to us.”

“Three years ago,” Gabriel said pointedly.

Ray laughed, startled. “Wow, you’re that whipped?”

His cousin shrugged. “Not like I can complain that my man can cook.”

“So he’s my mate when he’s a snob about it but when it’s time to eat his food, he’s your man?”

Gabriel shot him a playful look. “Isn’t that how it works?”

Ray rolled his eyes at him. “You are ridiculous.”

“Yeah, well, being in love will do that to you. Fucks with your brain,” Gabriel explained. He graced Ray with the less subtle eyebrow raise in history despite needing to keep his eyes on the road.

Ray felt his cheeks heat up. He wasn’t embarrassed about the sex, but the whole romance angle was a little more... unsettling. “Sure,” he agreed. “That or all the sex.”

Gabriel snorted but didn’t push it. “Sure, either, or both. Who knows,” he said wryly.

With impeccable timing, Lanchester opened up from the rickety road connecting it to pack territory. “Oh, we are here, can you drop me next to the cinema?”

Gabriel stopped the car so he could get out and Ray pretended not to feel the weight of his gaze. But finally he had no choice but to return the look. He pointed at the package he’d left on the floor of the passenger’s seat. “Give this to Adele as soon as you get there, okay? I don’t want you to forget and leave in the sun all day, it can bleach the colours—”

“I’m happy for you,” Gabriel said, interrupting.

Ray stared at him, at a loss, then nodded tightly—a thank you and an acknowledgement. Gabriel wasn’t the man making him happy, exactly, but he was his family too and he was trying as hard as he could to give Ray the space to be himself.

He wasn’t the love of Ray’s life, but he was a good alpha. “Me too,” he said, and closed the door.

&

He hadn’t been to the Derwentside College in more than a year. Nobody had told him to stop attending, but he’d needed to stay home until he found a mate. And once he had... Well, he was certainly not going to need A levels to run his pack.

But this wasn’t about the pack. It was about Ray. He didn’t know if he could do this, but he wanted to, and now that they had five betas contributing with childcare and housework... Well, maybe he could have it.

Nobody tried to talk to him as he walked up to the side table in the reception area and sat down to read the prospectus. He’d have to start in January, the holiday season was fast approaching and— He barely kept himself from crushing the shiny booklet in his hands when he realised what else would come with the new year.

He exhaled slowly, eyes fixed unseeing on the page.

He hadn’t forgotten. Not exactly. But once he and Marisa had decided... He’d felt better about it. But of course that would be after the baby was born—it wouldn’t keep him from showing before that. He got up, yanking his satchel too hard and wincing as the wooden box of supplies hit him on the side.

It wasn’t his belly but maybe the baby could feel his agitation because it twisted inside him in what Ray assumed was unhappiness. He had to inhale deeply to keep down his breakfast. He shouldn’t have come here. He—

“Ray?”

He looked up to see dark eyes peaking from under a bright purple headscarf. “Um, hi, Imran,” he said, muscle memory possibly.

She essayed a smile. “I haven’t seen you in... ages,” she finished. “Are you coming back?”

“I—Not sure yet,” he temporized. “I mean, I have... a family. Children, and, well...” He waved meaningfully.

“Oh.” She seemed surprised but her smile was genuine. “Congratulations. But it’s not like... I mean, not on your own, right?” she teased. She glanced down at her feet. “I mean, I’m still coming, and I’ll take a little break when the baby is born, but after that, I’ll be back.”

Ray almost choked at that, eyes travelling down her body before he could think it through. He forced his gaze back to her face, already feeling his own grow heated with embarrassment. “Sorry! I—I didn’t realise.”

She just laughed. “You really dropped off the face of earth, didn’t you? It was quite a scandal.”

“Why?” He frowned, shifting his satchel to cover his front. Imran and he had been friendly but not truly friends. She was smart, likeable, dedicated, but she was human and Ray could never quite figure out how to relax around them. He had no right to come back after a year and interrogate her like— “I mean—”

Imran gave a little shrug, her beautiful smile dimming. “My parents weren’t very happy for one. I was supposed to be in college to get my A levels so I could go to university. And the college wasn’t that pleased with Henry—professor Thomson—dating me, either. Even before...” She straightened and met Ray’s eyes. “Before I got pregnant,” she explained. Her lips were curved but her face was hard.

Ray watched her back for a moment, paralyzed by indecision. He wasn’t even sure how old she was, except that she was a little older than him because she’d missed a year when her family had moved from Afghanistan. He’d thought there was no point talking to a human, except about classes or movies to pass a boring lunch hours, and now here she was, nearly in exactly the same situation he’d been not long ago. He knew he had to offer something back, but how could he...?

“We—We didn’t plan it either,” he settled for, choosing his words carefully as if she could tell if he was lying.

Her own surprise was obvious to him; heart jumping and a sudden inhalation. “That’s—” He glanced up as he heard the catch in her voice. Her face had gone blank except for her lips, pressed tightly together. She stood like that, firm and brave, even as her body revolted, heart speeding and stuttering, scent turning acrid as she fought with her fear.

Ray could barely keep himself from stepping away. It wasn’t him that was making her feel like that, he knew that. Finally, he managed a step in the right direction and put a hand on her elbow. “Hey,” he whispered, squeezing very carefully. “It’s okay. It’ll be okay.” He could feel her trembling under his fingers even as she stubbornly forced herself to stillness. “You will love the baby, I promise,” he said.

It was true, he realised. He could hear it in his own voice. At least it was true for him; he’d love the baby. Even this baby. It was such a relief to know that about himself that he had to make an effort to focus on the woman in front of him—scared and uncertain for all that she was strong enough to stand her ground where he’d been too scared to stand his own.

Imran gave him a tiny nod, swallowing. “You want... coffee?” she offered haltingly.

For the first time, he noticed she was alone—none of the friends she’d used to be surrounded with seemed to be around. Maybe it was a coincidence.

“Sure,” Ray agreed. He glanced down at his hand on her arm, then hesitantly offered his elbow.

She snorted. “What? Now I should worry about propriety?” She hooked her arm in his. “Come on, no way I’m drinking that swill they sell in the cafeteria.”

&

Josh was working, so he called Sergi to come pick him up after Imran said she needed to get home to her mum with dinner. Ray knew he couldn’t tell her about the pregnancy—except the more she talked, the more he wanted to. It was stupid because there were plenty of pregnant women in his old pack he could have spoken to, but he didn’t think any of them would have understood as well as this almost stranger who’d stumbled into his life at exactly the wrong moment—when he was raw and open and so scared he could hardly draw breath. And maybe... Well, he had her number. And he would be around college anyway, maybe they could have coffee again and maybe he could... He pushed the thought away, not discarding it but saving it for later.

“Hey,” Sergi said, leaning over to open the passenger door for him. He had by far the showiest car in their little pack—a sleek Volkswagen Eos. He’d been speaking of swapping it for something more child-friendly, which Ray theoretically approved of, of course, but at the same time... He’d be sorry to give up the comfort of this seat and the view from the long windshield. “Long day?” his mate offered, reversing to get back into the road.

“I guess so,” Ray admitted, eyes on the sky through the windshield. “I... I went to the college.”

“Oh, that’s— Good?” Sergi didn’t sound sure.

“I almost freaked out. Like...” He exhaled. “There’s some courses stating in January. Illustration, and design... But...”

Sergi waited a beat before helping him out. “You think it will show?”

“I...I don’t know. I can’t... I mean, the first few weeks, I’ll have to stay with... with her.”

“Her?” Sergi repeated and Ray felt like a dick.

He hadn’t told him. “Fuck, I— Sorry. I found out. Well, last week. Alec tested me and he told me last week. I should have told you, I just—”

Sergi’s hand shot out to take hold of his elbow. “Ray, calm down,” he said. It was his alpha voice and it felt like a sudden breath of air after being too long underwater.

Ray was still trembling with the after-effects when Sergi found a spot to stop the car. It was a no parking zone—he turned off the engine anyway. Ray only noticed he’d taken his hand away when he clicked his fingers to get his attention. He snatched it back as soon as Ray looked at him. “Ray? I’m sorry, I—I used the voice, didn’t I?” Ray rolled his neck in the direction of his voice, dazed and a little confused. “Please tell me you are okay. I didn’t realise what I was doing, you were just—your heart was going so fast and...”

Ray shook his head. His heart was calm now, steady and even, and so were his thoughts. “No. I mean, I’m fine.” Sergi’s pulse surged up, then started to slow, but he was still watching Ray like a hawk. “Seriously, it was... Well, it was like drinking too much, too fast. But I feel... relaxed.” He tried to smile. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you about it being a girl.”

“I don’t care!” Sergi said, too quickly, then raised a hand and waved it like he could erase the words from the air between them. “I mean, I’m glad, but it doesn’t... You didn’t have to tell me. I get it, you were... Well, I don’t know, are you happy about it?”

Ray slowly reached over and took his mate’s hand in his, then brought it down to rest on his knee. “Yes, I’m happy.”

Sergi glanced at their hands, then back at Ray’s face. “Why are you not angry right now? Is it... Did I...?”

“Shut up a second,” Ray asked softly. It did feel like being drunk and although he understood the idea of being angry, the emotion seemed out of his reach at the moment. “Tell me to stop being calm.”

“Stop being calm,” Sergi repeated a little desperately.

Ray rolled his eyes at him. “With the voice,” he reminded Sergi.

“Stop being calm,” Sergi repeated. The effect was as startling this time as the first: shocking like a blanket being lifted off his warm body and just as unwelcome.

Ray squeezed Sergi’s hand in his, bending forwards a little as he dry-heaved, eyes clenched shut and skin breaking into a sweat. He breathed in and then out, concentrating first on the scents—his sweat, Sergi’s creamy natural scent, the leather of the car’s interior, the plastic still warm from direct sunlight—then the sounds—their heartbeats, the ticking of the car clock, the muffled sounds of traffic and birds from outside.

When he was ready, he opened his eyes. He watched his own lap for a minute, Sergi’s darker fingers poking out from his own death grip. It took him a few moments to manage the wherewithal to loosen his grip. He felt Sergi’s hand twitch in relief but his alpha didn’t try to take it away. “Okay, that wasn’t a good idea,” he decided. His voice came out rough, thready.

“Ray,” Sergi whispered. He sounded so scared Ray had to raise his head despite how tired he suddenly was. “I—”

He shook his head. “No,” he told him. “Don’t...” He couldn’t quite find the words so he just squeezed Sergi’s hand again. “It was a good idea, I was freaking out. Only... There has to be a way to come out of it that... I don’t know, more slowly.”

“But I’m not— You don’t want us to use it. You said... I don’t want to give you orders.”

Ray struggled to order his thoughts enough to explain. “No, but you can. And... I trust you.” Sergi swallowed thickly, eyes bright and face open and vulnerable. “I know you would only do it in an emergency. Only to help me.”

“Ray, it was an accident,” his mate explained, it sounded like a confession.

“I know that,” Ray snapped, hands tightening. He forced himself to rub his thumbs against Sergi’s skin gently instead. “I’m sorry, I just mean that you wanted to keep me safe and I was scared and you reacted instinctively to do that. And that’s okay. You wouldn’t use it to make me...” He glanced down.

“No,” Sergi said at once. “I—I wouldn’t. I don’t even... I don’t even want to do it for this,” he admitted.

“Okay,” Ray agreed, meeting his eyes. “You don’t have to. But I’m not angry.”

“I... I don’t get it.” Sergi still looked lost.

“Sergi,” Ray said gently. “I can’t be angry with you for being an alpha. It wouldn’t be fair. If I... It’s the same as if I had stumbled and you’d caught me. Should I be angry because you are strong enough to hold me up? Because you didn’t think before you reacted to keep me safe?”

His mate was still frowning a little but he was relaxing in Ray’s grip. “You really... You really trust me that much? After...” He stopped, not just speaking but actually breathing and Ray let the silence hold, allowed him the time he needed. Sergi exhaled. “After what I did to you?”

“I... I probably should have talked to you about this, too,” he admitted roughly. “It was... It was just really hard to talk about it with Josh, and... Well, Gabriel and Alec, too. I guess I have been putting it off because you seemed okay with...”

“I didn’t want to ask for more from you,” Sergi said into his own lap.

“Thanks,” Ray responded. “I probably couldn’t have... I needed the time. But, well, I’m just going to say it again, and then when... Not today, but, like, can you tell Iesu to talk to me about this too?” Sergi nodded. “Okay, so the way I see it: you asked if I wanted to be your mate and I said yes because I thought it was better than someone who wouldn’t ask, and then... Then we all thought the sooner we got it done, the better. And that... that really screwed me up.” He felt Sergi flinch at that. His alpha seemed to be physically restraining himself from pulling away. Ray opened his hands and let go and Sergi looked up in alarm.

“Did you know I didn’t want it?” Ray asked him.

“No!” Sergi’s eyes widened and he shook his head violently enough Ray thought it should have hurt.

“So you didn’t know,” Ray said firmly. “And you hurt me, because you didn’t know. And one of the reasons you didn’t know is that I didn’t know how to tell you. I decided it was the way things were, because of the wolves. I—I was not in a good place. But I should have known. I should have talked to you.” He looked at his lap, swallowing down tears.

“No,” Sergi repeated, more quietly this time, pained instead of indignant. “I could have asked. I should have asked, and I didn’t. You are not blaming yourself.”

“Okay,” Ray agreed. “But you can’t blame yourself either. Because... you didn’t know. You didn’t mean to. And I... I forgive you.”

“Fuck, Ray,” his mate said with feeling. Ray glanced up to see he’d buried his face into his hands.

“I think I should drive,” Ray said after a moment. Sergi was breathing heavily, shoulders shaking a little. Ray was pretty sure he was trying not to cry. “We can pick up Iesu from his parents’ place.”

Sergi nodded, still into his hands, and Ray tentatively reached out and put a hand on his shoulder. “Or I could...” He tugged slightly, just enough for Sergi to feel it and Sergi collapsed forwards into his arms at once.

“I’m sorry,” he mumbled into Ray’s shoulder. He’d kept his hands against his own chest as Ray held him. Ray didn’t tell him it was okay to hold him back, just shushed his apologies and rubbed his back.

There was no point in telling Sergi once again that he forgave him; it wasn’t Ray’s forgiveness Sergi needed. It was his own. And for that, he’d needed Ray to admit to how badly Sergi had hurt him. It was all Ray could do for him—to tell him he knew it hadn’t been intentional and he trusted it wouldn’t happen again.

He remembered that he’d worried about Sergi the most, and how attentive the alpha had been from the get go anyway. And he remembered he’d chosen Sergi, when he’d needed someone and Josh had been too scared of hurting him to try to have sex with him. “You are okay,” he said instead. “You know now, and I know you will be careful.”

“I swear,” Sergi promised in a strangled whisper, and Ray held him a little longer—until Sergi’s phone went off with the Adam Lambert song Iesu had programmed as his ringtone.

Sergi straightened, face turning towards the sound. He looked calmer already—just with the song. “He makes you happy, doesn’t he?” he asked.

His alpha looked up from the phone where he’d just hung up on his boyfriend. “Yes,” he admitted. Ray had talked about this with Iesu several times, but not with Sergi. It surprised him to see him blush.

“Should you really hang up on him?”

“I’ll call him back, and he’ll... he’ll get it. That I was with you and it was important.”

“Well, I get it too,” Ray pointed out. “That you are with him and it’s important. Plus, Alec’s cooking tonight and I don’t want to be late,” he added sincerely.

Sergi laughed, still a little fragile but more confident. “Okay, let me get out of the car.”

Ray almost stopped him—but then again, why deny himself the pleasure? It was every boy’s dream to get a boyfriend with a cool car they could borrow, right?

&

Ray’s chest was a little sore from the milk pump, but other than that, he was back to normal. With the help of a hoodie, he’d only really needed to miss college the first week after giving birth—thankfully, he was only going twice a week for two hours at a time.

“She’s beautiful,” Ray told Marisa. His sister smiled from the second armchair they’d set up on the porch, rocking the baby in her arms until she made a happy gurgling noise.

“Yes, takes after her aunt,” she claimed proudly. Her eyes shone when she looked at Cali.

“You can... You can be her mum, you know,” Ray offered quietly. He had never dared offer before. He’d stayed in his wolf form for the first week, afraid he’d not be able to feed the baby if he had to see her human shape. Marisa had picked her up right before Ray transformed to go have his well-earned shower and Ray had looked at the tiny fingers and plump cheeks, scanning for a sign, for... But of course there wasn’t anything: he hadn’t even been able to tell apart the babies he’d had with men he’d known for months. Cali was just a baby girl.

Marisa looked up, familiar brown eyes wide and the thought crossed his mind that he hoped Cali had those eyes, not the intimidating blue of Nicholas’. “Do you think she will care?”

He didn’t know if she’d care about the words, but he did know she deserved to be loved, absolutely and without question. For who she was, not for where she came from.

He just wasn’t sure he was strong enough to do it himself.

“Won’t you care?” he asked his sister, because he had to remember Marisa too. Cali was his child, but he couldn’t put her before Marisa’s own needs either.

“I don’t know, do you?” she asked in turn. “Do I have to call you something else for you to know what you are to me?”

Ray’s breath stuttered and he gaped at her. He’d helped raise Marisa from the time she’d been eight and he’d been ten when his father had died, but he wasn’t her father. Except he was perhaps as close to a father as Marisa had really had—their own hadn’t been around that long. “No,” he admitted.

She smiled and nodded, she looked proud. Of him, this time. “I want... I want to talk to mum about it, and Irina thinks...” She stopped and Ray squinted at her. “Anyway, she’s only little. It’s too early for that. I’m happy right now, and she’s happy too. That’s what matters, right?”

Ray nodded, eyes travelling away from the baby and towards the wide field behind their house. He’d been sketching from memory—even taking photos would have been hard when the football match was played by werewolves. None of them were bothering keeping their speed to human limits. Irina had already taken out the net from mid-court once and the only reason their windows were whole was that Marisa had made them set up the goalposts a good hundred yards away. He could go and join them, but he didn’t want to leave Marisa on her own, and he was fine, really. This early in the morning, the light was good for drawing, he was full of good food, and his children and his mates were safe and happy. He could play football tomorrow if he wanted—Monday was Irina’s day off and she was always up for it, which meant Iesu could probably be riled into joining too. Josh would complete the team if Ray asked.

Alec blocked a shot and Ray huffed in disappointment, then shook his head at himself—it’d been an impressive catch, too, and Sergi was already running after Gabriel to try again. He had no idea which team was winning, and it didn’t really matter.

“You look pretty happy yourself,” Marisa said, sounding a little smug.

Ray shrugged, not looking away from Josh’s blond head as he threw it back and laughed loud enough to be heard all the way across the open space of their backyard. “Yeah, I’m pretty lucky, aren’t I?”

[The end]