He had honestly believed presenting had been the end of his sexuality as it was. It’d been so sudden and so absolute, he hadn’t even been sure what to mourn. Women? Choice? Being the one doing the fucking? He’d had sex for the first time at sixteen with a classmate he’d been calling his girlfriend for a couple months, and after that hadn’t worked out, he’d done things with a few other girls. Well, two other girls.

And that was it. Then it had become all about what his omega wolf wanted, and what Ray felt...

It hadn’t mattered, but it’d never stopped existing, he realised. But what Alec had said made sense: outside of heat and away from an alpha, the wolf didn’t crave sex.

And Ray did.

It was just the inside of his own head and the touch of his own hand but it felt like being offered a banquet of limitless dishes to try. He could fantasize about he wanted, and he didn’t even have to stop any thoughts about Josh for fear of giving himself away later.

He started with women anyway, because it was safe and familiar and because he thought he’d lost it forever. Also because Scarlett Johansson was in his celebrity exceptions list and she was smoking hot—it was a fantasy, but technically it could happen. He didn’t think alphas would care much if their omega slept with a human. He stroked himself slowly, making it last, letting it build until he was trembling a little and only then tightening his grip.

He arched off the bed and made a mess, which anyone with a nose would be able to smell right away, but he closed his eyes and let himself enjoy the afterglow for a few minutes longer before he got up to shove his sheets into the washing machine.

And because reliving his preteen years at nineteen wasn’t embarrassing enough, Irina was in the laundry room making piles of clean clothes to go to each bedroom. She definitely had a nose and she barely kept back her smirk. Ray didn’t know enough about her to tease her, so all he could do was set the machine on and walk out with a flaming face. He should ask Iesu for some dirt on his cousin—there had to be more to Irina than a tough, efficient woman who loved kids and football and was particularly bad at putting up with alphas’ bullshit.

&

The next day, he used the bathroom instead. Naptime was really ideal to spend a little solo time—his sister was like a clock with her show and because she wanted the quiet time, she made sure all the babies were asleep. He didn’t want to have any other awkward encounters so he checked the timetables on the fridge door. Soon they’d need to buy a bigger fridge to fit them all, even if the betas had another one in their kitchenette. Hugo was off work, but of course the betas had their bathroom in their wing now so there was little chance of his newest beta deciding he needed the one next to Ray’s bedroom.

He’d been saving this fantasy since the night before, when he’d barely been able to get to sleep after jerking it in the shower quick after dinner—he couldn’t be selfish when the five of them were sharing two bathrooms and everyone else had an early morning ahead of them. It wasn’t anything fancy, just a man kneeling at his feet and letting him fuck his mouth. Well, not a man, Gabriel. It was a little... humiliating, he could admit that. And it was a lot about how Gabriel had made him feel when he’d... It wasn’t something he wanted to happen. He didn’t want to make anyone feel like that. Not matter how badly they’d fucked up—he didn’t want to touch anyone real with that in his head. But it didn’t hurt anyone to get some of the anger out this way, and it was hot. He pictured pulling on Gabriel’s long blond hair, twisting his left hand to keep his neck stretched so Ray could shove his cock down his throat. Gabriel’s blue eyes wide and tearing a little as Ray pushed in too fast for him to quite draw breath.

He didn’t last long after that. He leaned back against the wall of the shower and his elbow bumped against his belly. It was hard already and the sensation made him jolt upright with a vicious swear. He couldn’t— He turned off the shower and went out without even trying to shake off some of the water.

Didn’t matter, he needed to clean the toilet anyway.

He was halfway through scrubbing the sink when there was a knock.

“Ray?” came Marisa’s voice. “You okay? You have been in there for ages.”

“I’m fine. Cleaning!” he called out too loudly. Marisa obviously could hear him perfectly well through the closed door when standing on the other side of it.

“Okay,” she said easily. “I’m making some tea, want some?”

“No,” Ray said, then remembered to add, “thanks, I’m good.”

Her silence went on too long for her to have been fooled, but she did go so he’d count it as a win. They were okay now, his sister and he, and they would be okay as long as she gave him space—it was good she got that.

&

They hadn’t had any visitors except Ray’s mother and siblings since... It would have been fair to say Ray was hardly in the mood for the Gosdens. Ray had never really liked his aunt Serene. She wasn’t really his aunt, not by blood and not by marriage, but of course that didn’t matter much when someone was pack. The wolves were old hats at adoption and although a parent-child bond was still strongest, Ray had grown up indifferent and mostly unaware to how much blood he shared with other members of his family.

He’d called Gabriel his cousin without really knowing what it meant and hadn’t bothered thinking how true it was until he’d started looking at him a little too closely. Fortunately for him, their connection was thin: their grandparents were siblings.

So it was definitely not about the fact that Serene had been born in another pack and Nathan Gosden had swept her off her feet and brought her over thirty odd years ago. Ray liked Nathan even less—where Gabriel was charming and good natured in his extroversion, his father was... too much. Ray wasn’t sure if he tried too hard to impress others or if he didn’t try hard enough to tone it down.

Nathan probably didn’t even knew he needed to tone it down, he thought as he saw the man shake Alec’s hand too hard. It was an alpha technique to establish seniority and superiority over other alphas and Ray had seen it all around him growing up—but he couldn’t help but resent someone making his mate uncomfortable in their own territory.

Alec might not have wanted it, but by being a member of Ray’s pack, he had seniority while in their land and being older didn’t mean Gabriel’s dad got to waltz in and challenge that. Ray saw Gabriel easily place himself between his father and his lover. It wasn’t an outright challenge but couldn’t possibly be read as anything but a warning to back off.

Nathan chuckled and backed a step, powerful shoulders shrugging off the unspoken reprimand. “And where’s this omega of yours?”

“Ray,” Gabriel corrected. “Not like you haven’t met him.”

“Sure,” his father agreed, completely missing the point. “But I haven’t seen him in a long while. What’s the problem with asking?”

Ray had been hanging back, but he stepped forwards now. It didn’t matter that Nathan was an alpha, this was Ray’s territory and he wasn’t planning on letting the man forget. “Hey, Uncle Nathan.”

Gabriel’s father grinned. “There he is.” He gave Ray a once over and even though he’d dressed in a loose hoody to hide his condition, Ray couldn’t keep from shivering. “Heard congratulations are in order,” he added.

Ray’s heart skipped a beat. Nathan couldn't know, nobody outside his own pack knew—except his mum. And nobody would tell a stranger... And that was what Nathan Gosden was now.

What he'd always be, if he thought presenting omega was something to congratulate him for.

Ray didn’t know what he might have said if Irina hadn’t stepped in with a big, cheesy smile. “Here’s the little princess,” she announced in a voice so syrupy it made Ray turn to check it was actually her. Nathan took a step back away from the baby and caught his wife’s elbow. Suddenly, it occurred to Ray that his uncle might have been speaking about his daughter, not his condition.

It didn’t make Ray feel much better—Maria’s existence hadn’t been his decision—but it probably meant the man hadn’t meant any offense by it.

Serene spoke up for the first time. “Oh, dear, look at her, she’s a darling,” she said sweetly. She was sincere in her admiration as far as Ray could tell. A moment later it was confirmed when she frowned and added, “But who cut her hair off? I remember my boys’ curls when they were this age, they looked like little angels.”

“They looked like girls,” her husband grumbled and Ray forgot all about his possible good intentions. Serene didn’t seem to hear—which must have been an essential skill around her husband—and extended her arms for Maria. Irina’s reluctance to pass her over endeared her to Ray even more than the timely interruption. When the beta warned Maria’s grandma that she sometimes became a wolf unexpectedly, he could barely hold back his laughter.

Serene seemed quite shocked, even though Ray remembered Anne had done it too. Had she somehow trained Gabriel and his three younger brothers out of shifting even when they were toddlers?

He looked for Gabriel and found he was talking to his father a little way off—with Alec next to him, way too close for alpha protocol. Hell, he was actually leaning his side against Alec’s. Alec seemed acutely aware of it, and Gabriel totally oblivious. Except of course even Ray knew it, there was no way in hell both Gabriel and his alpha father didn’t know it too. What was Gabriel doing?

He wondered if this was some sort of game the two of them were playing, but if it was, shouldn’t Alec have looked okay with it? There was liking submission and there was looking like you wanted to bolt. Ray glanced at Serene and Maria; the older woman was gurgling at the baby, making her smile. Ray had always found the way she was silent unless spoken to and the way she only seemed to have an opinion on domestic matters off-putting, but he hardly imagined she was planning to run off his with daughter.

Irina met his eyes. “Should we get the others and give them a chance to run around for a bit?” she asked Ray. Because Gabriel’s parents had only asked to meet Maria—and only six months after she’d been born, at that—the other babies were still inside.

He thought about it. “You will stay outside with them?”

“Sure, and Marisa will come along. Only approved babysitters,” she teased him lightly.

He nodded. “Thank you.”

Ray really needed to do something for the betas to show them how much he appreciated their help—he certainly had way too much to do to also care for his children on his own. He turned towards Gabriel. He’d hooked one of his fingers on one of the loops of Alec's trousers. Alec, of course, was about to vibrate out of his own skin.

Ray didn’t interrupt the conversation between Gabriel and his father, just sidled up to Alec. “Hey, need your help with something.”

Alec should have felt him approach but he still jumped a little. “Yeah,” he said at once, trying to cover it up. Ray stepped away and he followed, forcing Gabriel to pull his hand away rather awkwardly. Alec didn’t seem to notice he’d done it and Ray used the excuse of lowering his gaze in an appropriately submissive manner to avoid Gabriel’s startled look.

They didn’t speak as they went up to the house. Once there, Ray gave Alec a moment to decide which way to head and the alpha went for his own room. Ray followed him in there and closed the door.

Alec was sitting on his bed, his fingers pressing against the skin of forehead, back bent forwards and breathing a little ragged.

“Do you want me to leave you alone?” Ray checked, and Alec raised a hand and waved a clumsy denial. So Ray took Alec’s ergonomic desk chair, leaning indulgently into the cushiness of it. He should get one himself, he thought idly.

“Thank you,” Alec said. His hands were on his lap but he still wasn’t looking at Ray.

“What are mates for?” Ray asked, earning himself a little look. But Alec couldn’t seem to think of a response. He was just fidgeting in place, so Ray got up and went to sit by his side, pressing them together from shoulder to thighs but keeping his hands front and centre. “I take it he didn’t ask you if he could do that.”

Alec shook his head. Ray huffed. “That’s shitty.”

“I... I said it was okay with me if you guys knew,” Alec explained. “I think— maybe I said pack? Maybe he thought...”

“Oh, come on.” Ray turned to look at him, and slowly placed a hand on his forearm. Alec leaned into the touch. “Don’t do that. He was clearly trying to—I don’t know, one-up his father.”

Alec snorted. “You think his father would think being with me...”

“Well, maybe not, but maybe Gabriel does. Maybe he thinks if he is with you, then he’s won because he did whatever he wanted, not what his father told him to.”

“That doesn’t sound bad,” Alec pointed out, meeting his eyes. “That sounds like he... like he chose me.”

Ray thought about it, about Gabriel defying all expectations and moving out of his parents’ house before finding a mate, about him finding a mate so late in life and inviting his alpha ex to join him... Was he doing all that because he wanted to show his father he couldn’t be controlled or because he simply wanted all those things even though he shouldn’t have? But that wasn’t the point, anyway. The point was that he’d made Alec feel tense and scared; he’d forgotten to think about his feelings and needs.

That wasn’t what an alpha did. And it definitely wasn’t what a lover did.

“He should have asked you what you wanted,” he told Alec firmly.

Alec exhaled a little shakily, then surprised Ray by turning his torso towards him and sliding his free hand around Ray’s shoulder in a loose hug. “Thank you for rescuing me,” he said, and shocked him even further by placing a soft kiss on Ray’s cheek before pulling back.

Ray stared at him. “What are you going to do?” he asked. It was an easier question and he did want to know.

Alec’s heartbeat had evened out. “Tell him that,” he said simply.

There was a knock at the door and Ray listened. It had to be Gabriel...

“It’s not him,” Alec mouthed at him. “Gabriel won’t leave Maria alone with strangers.”

Ray shot him a look as they got up. “Strangers?” he repeated. “They are his parents.”

Alec shook his head. “They aren’t pack and—” He stopped himself.

“It doesn’t matter, I’m going to go get them inside,” Ray said and opened the door. He gave Irina a smile and she responded with a long-suffering look. Ray risked touching her arm lightly. “Thanks for the rescue,” he told her, echoing Alec.

She seemed surprised but nodded. “No problem, Ray.”

&

“Hey,” Ray said when Iesu told him to come in.

Iesu was laying half on top of Sergi, using his phone with his left hand and shirtless. Ray wasn’t sure if he was really that hot all the time or he just liked showing off his considerable assets in the arms department.

He smiled when he saw Ray. “Come in, and sit down, you are giving me a neck ache.”

Ray glanced around but with the big dresser the alphas shared there was no room for chairs or desks so he went for the bureau and hoisted himself up. He was still pretty high up, but Iesu didn’t complain, blinking sleepily at him. “What’s up?”

“Well, remember how you told the betas there would be football?” he asked. “I think it’s time we deliver. I was thinking this Sunday we could have a match.”

“Oh,” Iesu sprang up. “Ray, you are a genius!”

“It was your idea,” Ray pointed out, sharing an amused look with Sergi, still flat on the bed and seemingly disinclined to move or talk.

“Whatever, I’m a genius, but you reminded me of my genius so you can be a genius too,” Iesu decided. “So we need at least ten players. Will your sister play?” he checked.

“Marisa? No, Anne likes to but she’s not big enough. There’s TJ, if you need an extra body, I’m sure he’d come for football and meat.”

“Meat? Oh, you want to have a barbecue, too?”

“Well.” Ray shrugged. “We are werewolves, I figured food couldn’t hurt...”

Iesu gave him a toothy grin for that. “See? Told you that you were a genius.”

Ray rolled his eyes at him. “Anyway, who else?” He tilted his head. “Sergi?”

“I’ll play.”

“Okay, so Sergi, Irina, you, Gabriel and Josh. That’s one team’s worth.”

“You are not playing?” Iesu asked softly, his face oddly blank.

Ray sighed. “I—I don’t know. Maybe I shouldn’t?”

“We could ask Alec,” Sergi offered. “Do you want to?”

Ray vacillated, not because he didn’t know the answer. He wanted to play, of course, but even worse than not being allowed to would be not being allowed to and having the alphas feel sorry for him. “I’ll ask,” he said instead.

“Okay, so TJ, Hugo, Yousuf. Will Kaylee play?” Iesu asked with a doubtful look. It was understandable, Kaylee, the last beta to join them, was a little older than Marisa but so quiet the pack often forgot she was in the room. Ray had known her all life and she’d always kept to herself, never much joined in when the pack’s children played together.

“Don’t think so, but I’ll ask her,” Ray decided. “Maybe there’s something else she’d like to do. I want the betas to know how important they are to us.”

“You are good at this,” Iesu commented admiringly.

Ray huffed. “Good? I’m making it up as I go. Irina was nice enough to rescue me from Gabriel’s dad, least I can do is pay up with a football match.”

“Well... I could ask my sister and brother,” Iesu suggested. He must have seen on his face that Ray hadn’t known of their existence, and he waved it away at once. “Please don’t. What are you meant to do? Create a pack, corral five pups, organize a household and learn all of our family trees? It’s fine. They are older than me. Sorina is twenty-eight and Codrin is twenty-six. We all played football together, Irina, me, and Irina’s two brothers.”

Ray did the math. “So your sister was an adult when you guys came over?”

Iesu smiled. “Yeah, and thank god for that. My parents... I mean, they had the pack and everything, but they needed to speak English to talk to humans and it turns out they are not that good at learning languages that aren’t Russian.”

“Russi—” Ray started to ask, then stopped himself with a frown. “Wait, Soviet Union, right?”

“Yeah,” Iesu smiled, sounding pleased. “Someone was paying attention in history class!”

Sergi kneed him on the side. “Stop teasing Ray and get some paper, you will forget half of your brilliant ideas the moment he walks out of the room.”

Iesu turned to shoot him a look but did as he was told, rolling off the bed with effortless grace and getting a notebook off the first drawer with a little tap to request Ray’s permission to raise his leg high enough to reach. He put it down next to Ray’s hip and started writing, silent for the first time since Ray had walked in.

“So we have a team,” he said after a moment. “And we are inviting your mother and siblings, of course.”

“You could ask your parents, too,” Ray suggested. “I haven’t seen them since they came to meet the babies.”

“Mmm... I’ll ask,” Iesu allowed. “Josh’s folks?” he asked, even as he turned to the bed and raised his head to Sergi. “Yours?”

Sergi shrugged. “You can ask, they might have plans already.”

“From what Irina said, Gabriel isn’t keen to see his parents any time soon but I think we better ask, we don’t want a grumpy wolf.”

“Alec’s parents would probably come. They really seemed to love Jamie.”

Iesu raised his head to look at Ray. “And you don’t mind that?”

Ray gave him a blank look. “He is their grandchild. It’s not like they were rude to anyone else.”

“Okay,” Iesu agreed. “I’m going to go ask Marisa about the food. It might not fit in our budget or something,” he added with a sigh.

“We can just each give her an extra tenner or two from our personal accounts,” Sergi suggested. “Not the betas, of course, just us. Should cover a little extra food and drink and people won’t show up empty-handed anyway.”

“Yes!” Iesu exclaimed. “I swear, geniuses all around,” he said dramatically, then he jumped on the bed and tried to tickle Sergi, startling the other alpha into a jerk that ended with him getting an elbow to the chest. He whimpered a little and Sergi leaned over him to check he was okay, which he turned out to be because he used Sergi’s nearness to coax him into kissing him better. Slow and sweet and private, except Iesu had initiated it right in front of Ray.

Sergi let it continue for a few moments, seemingly unable to pull away, before he gave Iesu a half-hearted shove and rolled away. “One track mind,” he complained.

Iesu followed him off the bed but turned towards the door and the chest of drawers next to it. He gave Ray a red-lipped smiled and pecked him in the lips as he passed. “Gotta go. Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do!” he warned them cheerfully.

Ray felt himself blush and then the door was clicking shut.

It took him a moment to gather the courage to look at Sergi. The alpha was watching him intently. “You don’t mind, right?”

Ray shook his head. He’d been a bit of a dick about it when Sergi had first asked, mostly because asking Sergi to make out with him to help him get over his trauma had made him feel vulnerable as hell. “Nah, it’s... it’s fine. I don’t want to come between the two of you.”

Sergi crossed his arms and leaned against the far wall. “You wouldn’t. It was nice, but I know it’s not... I get I’m not the one you want to do this with.”

“That’s not—” He stopped. “It’s not like that, I do want to... to do stuff with you. And Iesu too.” He shot Sergi a quick look, unsure of how he’d take that. “But Josh...”

“I get it,” Sergi insisted patiently.

“Okay, so you see how I couldn’t ask him for that. I couldn’t... His feelings for me... I mean, I’m not saying you don’t care, but Josh and I... It’s too much. It would have been too much to have that when I didn’t even know if I could follow through.”

“I get that,” Sergi repeated. “I’m fine with it.”

He was telling the truth. “Good, because you are... You really helped me.” Ray made himself look him in the face for that, even if it wasn’t necessary for Sergi to be able to tell he was telling the truth too.

Sergi’s smile was a little weak, but it was there. “Glad to be of service.”

“Excellent service,” Ray agreed. “Now I see why Iesu puts up with you.”

That actually made Sergi laugh out loud and Ray decided it was enough confessions for the day. “Ask your parents,” he said as he jumped off the bureau.

&

“Hey,” Josh said walking into Ray’s room. “Heard you are throwing a party!”

He sounded way too pleased for a football match turned barbecue, and when Ray glanced up from his commission, he saw he was grinning widely. Ray's heart stuttered a little in his chest. He looked down at the paper, pencil hanging uselessly from his right hand. There was no reason to make a big deal out of it, and much less to get flustered by Josh's excitement—it had nothing to do with Ray and everything to do with Josh loving a good party. “Yeah, wanted to thank the betas and I think I promised them all football when I invited them to join, so...”

The door clicked shut and he nearly dropped the pencil. Josh was leaning against his desk, smelling of sunlight and a little fresh sweat, and Ray wanted to look up—except he felt flushed and he didn't want Josh to think— “It’s on Sunday," he said to stop himself from thinking, "You are not working, right?”

“Nop.” He stretched his neck to peek at Ray’s pad.

He had agreed to a more regular timetable at the gas station and he’d promised Marisa he would stop taking extra shifts when his co-workers failed to show up. He couldn’t exactly tell humans about their five kids, but Josh had always been creative and he’d managed to explain he needed regular hours to help his family with childcare without quite explaining whose children he was looking after.

Ray nodded and started straightening his desk rather than risk ruining his work with his suddenly clumsy hands. “Are you thinking of working with Gabriel maybe?” he asked, just for something to say.

“Mmm... Yeah, but, dunno, he is a bit of a pain about the whole thing? And I want to do things well, sure, but maybe I don’t care that much if it’s not my own house?”

“That makes sense,” Ray agreed.

“The money is a little better,” Josh pointed out, bordering on shy.

That made Ray look up just so he could roll his eyes at him. “Oh, come on, 1k a year aren’t going to change anyone’s life. Not now.”

Josh shrugged and looked around. Ray assumed he was looking for somewhere to sit, but in the end, he just stepped back and leaned against the wall next to the doorframe. He looked like something out of a photograph, lit just right so that his eyelashes shadowed his eyes and his arms were exposed in all their glory across his chest.

Ray thought he might have said something, but when he looked up, he just caught Josh’s frown. “Am I... Is this not okay?”

Ray frowned in turn, confused until Josh added, “You are all... You seem...” Josh waved in his directly, swallowing thickly. “Uncomfortable.”

“Uncomfortable?” Ray repeated. The idea seemed absurd, but then again, he was half-hard in his underwear just from having Josh in the same room as him. That wasn’t exactly comfortable, either. “I guess, I mean—”

Josh took a startled step away. “Should I go?”

Ray gaped at him, then pushed down his fear and got to his feet. Josh didn’t look away from his face, which was rapidly flushing red. It was up to Ray to break their gaze, too overwhelmed to hold it while he... exposed himself. Because he wasn’t naked, not even close, but even though Josh had seen it all and more, this felt like much more of an admission.

“Ray?”

“Are you going to make me spell it out for you?”

Ray didn’t look at him, but Josh must have looked at Ray. Really look this time because Ray could hear his little gasp of surprise. “Oh. I—I didn’t know.”

“Yeah,” Ray said gruffly. “So I can’t keep my mind out of the gutter. Sorry about that, but you shouldn’t think... That you are making me uncomfortable.”

Josh, to Ray’s shock, let out a breathy laugh. Ray glared at him and his friend raised a hand, laughing again. “Sorry, it’s not— Not laughing at you. Just... I was so worried and...” He inhaled, still grinning. “I’m happy. Because this was definitely not me. I wasn’t thinking about anything like that.”

“Oh,” Ray said. He was too confused to keep his interest, but that reminded him of something. “Alec said something... I mean, I guess I knew but... He said the wolves don’t care about me right now, not sexually, so everything... Like, what I’m feeling is what I’m feeling. And it’s the same for you.”

Josh smacked his own face hard enough to make Ray wince in sympathy. “Oh, fuck, that guy is smart, why didn’t we think of it like that?” he asked with a grimace.

Ray shrugged, then walked up to the window to give himself a little cover. “And I have been thinking— about what I want,” he added, staring at the line of the horizon outside, sun on its way down making everything hazy and surreal.

“What do you want?” Josh asked very slowly. His heart was giving Ray’s a good run for its money.

Ray licked his lips. “Everything,” he said. “I just... I never got to do anything with you when I was... myself, so... I don’t even know what I like. I mean, I know what I think I like, but...”

“I get it.” Josh exhaled, a burst of air Ray could feel on his skin all the way across the room. “We can... We can do that.”

Ray turned his head just enough to see him out of the corner of his eye. “There’s... I know you want to go slow for my sake, but I’m not sure I will be okay with doing anything when I’m...”

“Bigger?” Josh guessed and sat on Ray’s lonely chair—near the window for good light but far enough Ray could walk out of the room without even brushing by him.

Ray gave a shaky nod.

Josh huffed, crossing and uncrossing his arms. “I just—What if I don’t know when to stop?”

But Ray had answer ready for that. “We will decide first, and you can stop any time you want and check with me.” Josh frowned, obviously trying to come with an objection. Ray tried very hard to believe it wasn’t lack of interest but the opposite. He needed to believe that, even if he didn’t trust his own judgement, he had to trust Josh wouldn’t lie to him. “You can even order me to tell you the truth.”

Josh's chair legs scrapped against the floor as he almost overbalanced. He stared up at Ray. “I’m not ordering you to do a thing,” he hissed, body coiled tight, face pinched.

“Sorry!” Ray said quickly, turning to face him fully again. “It was just an idea.”

Josh huffed. “If you can talk about it with me first... and we decide what will happen in advance, then... okay.” He met Ray’s eyes. “I trust you not to let me fuck up again.”

Ray exhaled, heart beating too fast. “I trust you too,” he told Josh.

Josh nodded as if to further confirm their words and stumbled a little as he got up because he didn’t take his eyes off Ray. Was he...? But he didn’t step closer but away, towards the door. “I have to...” He stopped. “Do you want to go out again? Friday?”

Ray’s heart skipped like he was a teenager being asked to dance for the first time, but he made himself pause and think through it.

“I don’t remember my schedule,” he admitted after a beat. He kind of barely remembered his name, the way he felt under the weight of Josh’s gaze, with the tension of holding himself back against the windowsill instead of crossing the room and touching him like he clearly wanted to be touched.

Like Ray wanted to touch him.

It seemed to take Josh a moment to understand Ray’s words and when he did, he laughed. “We are like old people, aren’t we? Maybe I should ask your secretary?”

Ray laughed too, mostly at Josh. “I’m pretty sure most people our age have a work schedule, mate.”

“I’m pretty sure,” Josh echoed coyly, “that your boss will change your day if you ask.”

Ray tilted his head and gave him a thoughtful look. “Yeah, but she will make me do another shift at a weird time.”

Josh shrugged, still smiling. “Yeah, but it’ll be worth it, you need to get out more.”

Was this the carrot or the stick? Ray wasn’t sure. He wanted to be with Josh. Hell, he wanted to go out—he didn’t like being cooped up inside all the time—but he was scared of it too. He tried to ignore the fear in the back of his brain. It wouldn’t be so easy to convince his wolf it was safe to leave when it was time, but the wolf didn’t care about thoughts. “Will it?”

“Make me a list,” Josh replied.

“What?”

“A list of things you— you might want to do,” his friend explained, gaze flickering away from Ray and face growing visibly flushed even in the low light. “With me. And then...”

“You can choose one?” Ray guessed.

“Yeah,” Josh agreed. “And we will... We will talk out the details. If you want.”

Ray snorted, then promised, “I want.”

Josh managed to give him a jerky nod before fleeing, but he didn’t need to say anything, not when he was standing right in front of Ray. Ray had heard his pulse stutter all the way across the space between their bodies.

He closed his eyes and leaned back against the glass, letting the shocking cold bring him back down to earth. Alec was right: there was nothing about this the wolf cared about, all it could think of was that Ray owed it a meal—he was starting to be hungry all the time again—and all Ray could think about was the list.

Still, he was going to need time to think about it and he was a little less pissed off at his animal side than usual, might as well reward them both with a snack.