Of course the one time Josh wanted Gabriel around, the other alpha was doing a 12 hour shift at the site—some deadline or other that the werewolves on the crew had agreed to help the company meet in exchange for some serious cash. It wasn't fair to resent Gabriel for it; after all, they needed money almost as badly as they had needed betas. In fact, they needed more money now because even though more people were a sound long-term solution to childcare in the numbers they required, the construction of the beta wing had drained their bank account even further.

Josh wasn't that naïve; he knew he wasn't really annoyed about Gabriel's absence. He was angry with Gabriel because when Ray's uncle had told him that he could help choose the alphas for the new pack, Josh had gone straight to Ray's older cousin. They both had liked him as kids and Gabriel had admitted he was gay when Josh had asked him about it. He'd been fourteen and already so in love with Ray, he felt like he could never look at anyone else. He had, of course, and he didn't mind sleeping with girls, or guys. It just wasn't... He'd never got to kiss Ray before he presented and of course he'd only messed around with humans and betas, but in his heart of hearts, he believed what made all the difference wasn't a part of his brain that lit up when his nose got a faceful of the right pheromones. It was Ray. It had always been Ray. It would always be Ray.

He'd trusted Gabriel with the one person who mattered the most to him.

And Gabriel hadn't made Ray happy, anybody could tell that. Josh had tried to hint, but an alpha could barely point out a spelling mistake to another without starting a fight. And Gabriel had so easily taken over as leader of their little pack—barely held together by their omega—that it would have been even more of a challenge to try and tell him how to treat Ray.

And he'd thought it wasn't his place. He wasn't more important than Ray's other mates. He wasn't Ray's choice any more than they were.

And then Gabriel had left them to go after Ray—exactly what Josh's wolf was desperate for him to do—and that had been the last straw. Josh wasn't one to judge others harshly, but he would not stand for anyone who didn't protect his pack or who let them come to harm.

Gabriel's actions had had no obvious consequences; all the babies were safe, as were all of them. The invading alphas had been dealt with, too. But it didn't matter; Josh didn't trust him anymore and he didn’t think he'd ever trust him again.

So he was stuck living with a guy he had once admired, even crushed on, and who he now thought might be a danger to them all. And he was stuck—an alpha's claim was forever; they were bound to Ray as long as they lived. Technically, Gabriel could walk out but it'd hurt him to and Josh couldn't think of any reason compelling enough to make someone do that to themselves if they didn't have to.

He shoved thoughts of Gabriel aside and went in search of his friend. He was slumped on the sofa, watching as Iesu tried to teach Sergi some more Romanian. Sergi answered hesitantly, but it made Iesu clap and grin like a lunatic. Ray's lips were upturned, but he didn't laugh at the display like he would have before.

Everything about him was toned down. It made Josh ache to shake him, beg him to come out of his head. It didn't matter how awful whatever kept Ray's eyes dim was; Josh wanted to share it with him. It was his burden too. It was his... Except, of course, he couldn't ask Ray to do anything he didn't want to do.

“Hey,” he greeted.

Iesu replied in Romanian, a word they all recognized by now—apparently, the babies could pick up the language easily if they just heard it spoken between two or more people regularly. Sergi made a face and tried to imitate his lover. Iesu didn't correct him but gave him an amused look that had Sergi huffing in exasperation. “I told you my tongue doesn't move that way!”

“Now, don't go insulting your tongue. You know I really like it,” Iesu replied, just short of leering.

Josh snorted. They had never tried to hide their relationship—perhaps aware scent would give them away faster than any terms of endearment or lingering touches—but lately, they had been getting outright exhibitionistic.

Or maybe Josh was jealous. He looked at Ray again and found the omega had closed his eyes. He was sleeping too much, except when he woke up screaming. Josh didn't need to be an expert to know what it meant; anybody with eyes would have seen Ray was depressed. He'd taken his presentation hard and the pregnancy maybe worse...

Josh couldn't blame him. He blamed himself; he could never forget that he hadn't told Ray what he felt in the forest when they still had time. Instead, he had led Ray to the other alphas. He had been given authority only to choose them and weed out anybody who would cause trouble, nothing more. If he wasn't such a coward... If he'd just taken what Ray and he needed...

He had convinced Ray it was for the best and he thought Ray believed him, but he wasn't completely sure that they couldn't have simply disappeared for a few months and then returned, bonded and with their first child.

It was stupid to think of it now. They couldn't take it back, and Josh knew neither Ray nor he could wish the rest of their children to disappear, no matter how dearly they had cost them.

He took a seat on the armrest of the sofa, then slowly pushed the tips of his fingers through Ray's soft blond hair—longer than he'd ever kept it before and curling at the edges in the same way Michael's did. Ray didn't move for a very calculated moment, then turned his face to encourage him. Josh pushed his fingertips against his skull and massaged, soft but firm.

Josh's pulse was too fast. Stupidly fast, but so was Ray's. For Ray, it had to be the fact that he found it hard to let anybody touch him after what had been done to him. For Josh, it was the fact that despite everything, Ray wanted Josh to touch him.

A part of him hoped it was just him. But that was just the instincts talking, really. Ray needed to let them all back in, to make it easier when the moon rose and want became need.

“It's my mum's birthday soon,” Josh said. “And, well, I'm a bit short on cash.” Ray's eyes blinked open, curious and patient. For once, he seemed present in the moment. “Could you maybe do a portrait of the babies?”

Ray frowned a little and sat up, not seeming to notice when he dislodged Josh's hand. “But that's... I mean, that's like a primary school present.”

“What's like a primary school present?” Iesu asked from where he was bouncing Jamie up and down on his knee. Sergi was trying to dislodge Clara's clutching fingers from his own hair. He kept it pretty short, but it was so curly that it made a great handhold for a baby's tiny fingers.

He'd offer Sergi to shave it off for him, Josh thought, even as his own fingers twitched to bury themselves in Ray's hair again.

If he wanted it shorter, Ray could ask, he decided.

“I want Ray to do a portrait for my mum,” he explained.

Sergi's eyes widened, his severe mouth curving slightly. “You should. You are so good at capturing people's... dunno, personality?” he tried, looking a little shy.

Josh didn't know anything about art but he could tell Ray was good anyway. Sergi had actually gone to the trouble of tracking Ray down because of the paintings the school had displayed on their walls. He didn't think Sergi painted or drew himself, but he clearly knew enough to be impressed. “See?” he insisted. “The expert has spoken.”

“It’s not like it'd take you long,” Iesu pointed out. “We could do it now, right?”

Ray shook his head. “It’s too late... The light...”

“Lamps,” Iesu said at once. “Here,” he told Josh, handing Jamie over. “I’ll get an extension cord and we will have this brighter than Christmas.”

They heard him rushing down the corridor. Josh caught Sergi smiling after him, and across the room from where he’d gone to keep Sasha from sharpening her teeth on a table leg, Ray met his eyes with a smile of his own—amused and fond. It wasn’t the irrepressible grin of the boy he’d known, but it wasn’t little. And maybe he didn’t have so much to envy Sergi and Iesu as he’d thought.

Iesu had the whole thing set up before any of them could say much; or maybe Ray intentionally waited until Iesu directed them to put all five pups on the sofa—Mikey had changed into his wolf form and was snuggled against his brother’s side—before he bothered to say, “I don’t know if I have any canvases.”

“Ray!” Iesu exclaimed, indignant.

“I could go buy...” Sergi started to say. But Ray couldn’t keep a straight face anymore. He snorted, almost a real laugh.

“Are you messing with me?” Iesu asked, staring at him.

Ray shrugged. “Serves you right, when did I say I would do it?”

“You don’t want to?” Sergi asked, sounding crestfallen. “But you love to draw...”

Ray shook his head, then sighed. “Okay, yes, I do. But that doesn’t mean it’s good enough to be a present.”

“We can just hang it in the living room,” Josh offered, putting a hand out to keep Clara from decamping.

Ray shot him a look, then pointed at the babies. “There’s no way they’ll stay still for long if they are awake. Josh, go get the iPad so we can take a picture.”

Ray had spent a few minutes trying to get Mikey to change back before Iesu had brought out the chocolate. It tasted terrible to wolves and the babies, young as they were, had learned that lesson well, so his son had conceded.

Between wiping the chocolate off everyone’s faces and hands and getting Mikey into nappies again, the photos hadn’t started happening until about half an hour later. Marisa showed up well before they had got any shots in which most of their children looked decent—Ray didn’t trust himself to combine them in his portrait—but she'd agreed to wait for them to be done even if it delayed bath time.

&

Josh had let Gabriel have a bit of food and a long nap once he’d returned home in the early hours of the morning, but he still looked pretty beat after working through the night. Maybe that was why he seemed so confused when Josh cornered him in the kitchen as he put a sandwich together. It was around five in the afternoon and even though it was Iesu’s day off and he had kept Josh busy stuccoing the inner walls, he’d managed to sneak off to catch Gabriel right on time.

“You want to ask Ray to help with building?” Gabriel echoed.

He shrugged. “Yes, why not? We are behind schedule and he’s an artist, he’ll be good at it.”

“This is hardly drawing...” Gabriel started, then stopped himself and put the knife he was using to spread butter on his bread down. “I mean, if you think it’ll help him to keep busy, sure.”

“It’ll help him to be useful,” Josh clarified a little testily. He pressed the fridge door closed, only to find it was already as closed as it’d get.  Maybe he'd needed Ray's mum to tell him the exact same thing, but he still couldn't keep from being pissed at Gabriel for not getting it.  “He’s not a child we are humouring.”

“Of course not,” Gabriel replied, but he sounded sad, not angry. He pushed away from the counter altogether and turned to face Josh fully. What had happened to the egotistical bastard that had insisted Ray stay home while they build their house?

“I didn’t mean it like that. You are all always... I’m trying, okay?” He met Josh’s eyes. His eyelids were drooping a little over the pretty blue eyes that turned everyone’s heads. “I know I fucked up, I don’t need anybody to tell me. And I want to do better. So if this is what doing better looks like, then I’m game.”

“Okay,” Josh said slowly. It was hard to stay angry with a guy who was practically showing you his belly. “I think it’d be good for him to let the babies out of his sight for a minute and he will be close enough to go to them if he needs to... This is what I think it looks like. I’ll ask him if he wants to do it. That’s the most important thing,” he added.

Gabriel huffed, pushing his fingers into his eye like he had a headache. Only, of course, werewolves didn’t get headaches. But for Gabriel to show this much emotion, to falter in front of another alpha... That was just as telling. “I got five hundred quid for the night work, should we buy the sensors instead of paying for the plumbing?”

“No.” Josh shook his head. “We are safe. Just because we are scared it doesn’t mean we have to run from shadows.” He stepped up and started putting together the sandwich Gabriel seemed to have forgotten. The last thing they needed was for their head builder to cut off half a finger. “But let’s have a meeting, maybe the others will agree with you.”

Gabriel nodded, and Josh thought he looked a little sheepish. He mumbled a thanks as he took half of the sandwich, but he didn’t step away. It was like he didn’t remember that Josh was an alpha, or like being close to him didn’t make his wolf feel threatened. “Yes, sure... Guess I’ll go get Marisa and ask about the calendar. If Ray agrees, you can just get her to put herself on babysitting duty. You should tell her that was my idea because she hates it with a passion.”

As he watched him speak, Josh realised that his own wolf didn’t mind the close proximity either. Maybe it was because Gabriel was pack. He waved away Gabriel’s thanks and stepped away, “Does she?”

“Have you met her? She hates to be dirty. You could eat off the floor after she’s done with it!” Gabriel sounded fond but exasperated. He was probably indifferent to dusty lunches after years of working construction—it wasn’t like their immune systems couldn’t handle it.

“Pretty sure most of our kids have,” Josh commented. He was just beginning to remember the guy he’d liked, who’d talk to kids like they were people and listened like their small squabbles were serious issues. “Just—” he started, but then cut himself off. “Gonna go talk to him now.”