“So it’s our fourth date and everything,” Josh said. Ray eyed the car door he was holding open for him in invitation. Josh pretended not to notice that it was a little weird. “So I figured we’d go to a restaurant, have dinner sitting down properly and everything.”

“With cutlery?” Ray teased, remembering the sushi restaurant. It was amazing how someone with reflexes as fine as Josh’s could mess up using chopsticks in so many different ways.

Josh closed his own door and shot him a look. “Yes,” he said sarcastically. “There might even be several sets of cutlery, if you play your cards right.”

There were indeed multiple forks in their table at Ravello, the finest Italian dining Lanchester had to offer. Ray knew it, naturally, but it’d never crossed his mind to eat there before.

“My turn to pay,” Josh reminded him, placing a hand on his lower back to guide him forward. “So I can choose.”

Ray hesitated only an instant. “Am I kept man now? I can get used to this.”

That made Josh laugh hard enough that the maître rushed over to get them seated before they made more of a spectacle of themselves. They were clearly underdressed for the venue and too loud for it as well but everyone was too polite to mention it—Ray guessed it was what you got when they were charging you the cost of an actual meal for a bread basket.

He wasn’t sure what to order after that so he followed his mother’s rule and went for the meat menu—more value for money. Plus, he was a werewolf.

Josh had let him order first and by the way he paused Ray realised he’d been tempted. “Go on,” he dared him with a raised eyebrow. “Live a little.”

They decided to live a lot and ordered some starters. Baby prawns as well as tomatoes and mozzarella in some sauce Ray couldn’t quite figure out—maybe because he couldn’t quite make himself slow down enough to separate the rich flavours melting in his mouth.

He caught Josh watching him eat and felt his face heat up. “What?”

“That was...” Josh started, then paused and licked lips, and a slow smile curved over his mouth. “Totally worth the eight quid,” he finished with a smirk.

“Oh, shut up,” Ray replied. “You try it and tell me it isn’t amazing.”

“Oh, it’s pretty amazing,” Josh agreed, not taking his eyes off Ray.

&

They had eaten most of their mains by the time Josh felt the need to turn the conversation to more serious matters.

“I have been thinking and... Well, obviously it wasn’t on your list. But you said you didn’t write it because you thought it’d...” He was very carefully cutting another piece of meat, and just as clearly didn’t mean to eat it. “Well, it did freak me out, I guess. But it would be easier if... If we did it the other way. Around.”

It took Ray a moment to parse that, convoluted as it was. “What?” he asked when he did because he was pretty sure Josh had just suggested that Ray...

Josh’s fork clattered a little as he fumbled to put it down. “We don’t have to, and like, I get if you are not into it. Plenty of men aren’t. Like, gay men, but... Fuck, sorry, I’m not saying you are gay,” his best friend insisted. Like Ray would have taken offense after everything they’d done together. “I know you are bi, obviously,” he added and Ray almost laughed. Not that he didn’t enjoy talking about beautiful actresses with Josh and everything, but he didn’t really feel the need to call himself anything. He felt plenty of people were already aware of his sexuality as it was.

“Josh?” he cut in, and Josh inhaled sharply and glanced up at him. “I know you are bi, too, but I have no clue what you are trying to say.”

Josh met his eyes and opened his mouth but the words seemed to fail him. He took a sip of his water, then looked at Ray again with obvious effort. “I would like you to top.”

Ray blinked at him, brain not quite able to process, and Josh remained silent but couldn’t manage to keep from fidgeting in place, twisting his serviette and rearranging the second set of cutlery. “But why?”

“Oh, it... Well, I would like to know what it feels like,” Josh explained, so tentative it was nearly a question. “And it would help me feel... in control. I think.”

“You want to be in control,” Ray echoed, a little surprised. He wasn’t sure how he felt about that. He remembered Alec asking if he wanted to be in control during sex and how little choice he’d always felt he had with girls, and how little choice he’d had with his alphas during heat. He still didn’t know the answer.

“No, not like that,” Josh said quickly. “I mean... of me. I—I want to be sure I can stop,” he lowered his voice at this but kept his eyes on Ray’s face. He was flushed and he looked tense as a wire—ready to bolt but holding himself still and waiting for Ray’s answer.

“Oh.” Ray took a hasty sip of his own water. He still wasn’t worried about Josh—his best friend had shown impressive control even right after... Well, when the others had seemed unable to stay away from Ray. He’d certainly lost control on occasion but that had been the wolves’ fault, and Ray’s had been just as... enthusiastic.

But the reasoning made enough sense to make him think about what Josh was asking and those weren’t thoughts he really wanted to be having in public—even if humans were nose-blind. He cut another piece of his meat, more for something to do than from any desire to eat it, but once it was in his fork, he brought it to his mouth and chewed, buying himself precious seconds.

He cursed his teeth, better adapted to tearing meat apart than humans’, and finally he had to speak, “Is this... Is this something you want?”

“What?”

“Does the idea seem...” He licked his lips, searching for the right words. “Do you think it’s hot?”

“Oh, yeah. I mean, sure, I— I’ve thought about it,” Josh admitted. From under his eyelashes, Ray caught him going a dull red that spoke volumes regarding the context of that thinking.

“Really?” Ray asked, raising his head, and it came out too loud, too... eager. “I mean... I just didn’t—”

“I have,” Josh interrupted. “I thought about it before you presented. Like, I thought about both things. I figured... I wanted it to be fair, if...” He shrugged, then picked up his cutlery again and started carefully destroying his chips.

“I can’t believe you were thinking about being fair and I—” He stopped. “I feel a bit like an idiot, I was so sure you wouldn’t want to.”

Josh raised his honey eyes to meet Ray’s. “You are a bit of an idiot,” he agreed. “But I like you anyway.”

Ray attempted to glare but had to look away, struggling to control the blush taking over his face. “Well, that just shows you how smart you are,” he said back.

Josh snorted a little but didn’t outright laugh at that poor attempt at sass—given, it might have been more out of respect for the ambiance than Ray’s wit.

“I know you want to try doing it the usual way,” Josh said kindly and very low. “And I want to try to give you that too, if—”

“Are you serious?” Ray interrupted. “Right now all I want is to finish this very expensive meal my boyfriend bought me and take you home so we can do try this.”

Josh’s eyes widened and his heart skipped a beat before starting to work harder. Ray did not have to guess where all that blood was pumping. “I—I think we can get it to take away.”

&

The road was empty—as it usually was, only the pack lived in that direction and most of them would be getting ready for bed this late at night.

“Oh, come on,” Ray whined. “We’d go faster if we shifted and ran back!”

“You are free to do that,” Josh replied agreeably.

Ray was seriously tempted, except he’d eaten quite a lot and there would be no point in being home without Josh anyway. “Are you freaking out about this? You know you can change your mind, right?”

Josh glanced at him, smiling. “Not that I’m not flattered, but no, I just don’t want to crash before we get home.”

That silenced Ray a little too effectively and Josh looked back. “Ray? I... I’m sorry, I wasn’t—”

“Don’t,” he asked softly. “I’m not upset. You are right, we should be careful.”

It wasn’t entirely true, it was hard to think of his dad without a little twinge of regret, a little twist of... He wasn’t sure. He’d loved his dad, of course, but it’d been long enough that sometimes he wondered if he’d known him at all. He didn’t know what was worse: that he missed him fiercely, or that some days he forgot to.

Josh nodded, but he was only quiet for a few seconds before he added, “Check the glove box.”

Ray clicked it open. There was a bag inside. From Boots Pharmacy, which was quite odd because it wasn’t like... “Oh.” He held the bottle to up to read the label—not that its purpose wasn’t obvious. “For...”

“Not that I was too confident,” Josh explained quickly. “I figured there’s always jerking off, right?” He looked Ray’s way when he got no response, but Ray was finding it hard to think, let alone vocalize. “Did I break you?”

“A little?” Ray offered. He was painfully hard and he was pretty sure Josh could tell. Assuming he could focus better than Ray could at the moment, of course. “Can we... I actually have something I need to tell you.”

He’d promised himself he would and if there was something guaranteed to keep his mind out of the gutter, it was this conversation. “I have decided something.” He saw Josh nod out of the corner of his eye but kept his own eyes on the road ahead—he could feel his territory coming closer, the land calling to him like a beacon. “Marisa wants to adopt the baby. The girl,” he remembered to add. “I spoke to my mum about it and she thinks it will be good for Marisa.”

“Oh,” Josh exhaled softly next to him and Ray forced himself not to squirm. His dick didn’t even seem that fazed by his nerves.

“So I... I will let her do that,” he added when nothing more was forthcoming. “At least, I think so, because maybe... Well, she is not taking her anywhere so...”

Josh reached out and took hold of his hand. He didn’t look Ray’s way, but then again, he didn’t seem to need to. “I’m glad you figured it out,” he said softly. “I... I wasn’t sure what to tell you.”

“You wanted me to keep her,” Ray pointed out but he didn’t try to pull his hand away.

“No.” Josh shook his head. “I wanted you to be okay with keeping her, or... or sending her away. That’s all I ever want; for you to be okay.”

“Well, I guess I couldn’t be okay with either,” he admitted, not just to Josh, but to himself. “But this works. I really think... I think Marisa will love her. And I... I want her to be loved. That’s the most important thing, right?”

Josh took his hand back and for a moment Ray thought he’d said something wrong, but it turned out he just needed it to park—even though their so-called drive away was just flattened grass. He killed the engine and turned to face Ray, eyes clear and searching. “Yes,” he agreed, smiling softly. “I think once you got that, you can pretty much call it a day.”

&

Ray was man enough to admit he was freaking out slightly. In fact, he thought as Josh pulled off his shirt in a smooth move that left him bare from the waist up; he couldn’t see how any man could face the experience of being allowed inside another person’s body with anything but barely concealed terror.

It was just too much to be trusted like that. To be invited to touch someone’s body in a way that could hurt them so badly and yet also bring them so much pleasure... But maybe most men weren’t equipped to understand what they were being offered, or how fragile trust was when someone exposed their very soul to your hands.

Ray knew. He understood. Maybe more than he wished to.

But then again, knowledge of that kind never came cheap.

“Ray?” Josh asked. He’d toed off his shoes and stopped undressing. He waved vaguely in his direction. “You don’t to take off your shirt if you don’t want to.”

Ray’s heart stuttered. It was kind of him to offer—just like Josh.

But Ray couldn’t accept.

Because Josh, he understood now, didn’t quite know what he was doing.

It was up to Ray to do by him, to take care of him when he needed it. He thought about trying to explain, but the mere idea of words for this was laughable.

Josh was right, of course, he didn’t want to expose the slight curve of his belly, noticeable even when he tried to hold it in. But he wasn’t going to touch Josh like this without baring himself too, without giving as much as he was getting.

That wasn’t the way to touch someone you loved.

It wouldn’t be comfortable, he knew. But why should it be? Love was the act of believing another person could see who you truly were and embrace it. There was no way to take that kind of risk without being a little uncomfortable. It wouldn’t have been sane to.

And without the crazy risk, it wouldn’t have been love, either.

He shook his head and sat down to get his shoes off, then unbuttoned his trousers—still his own from before but not for long—and threw them at the chair Josh kept by the window. He could have got a desk like Ray had, but he didn’t really like being alone in his room. It was unsurprising coming from the boy who’d spent hours watching shitty cartoons with Ray’s siblings when Ray hadn’t been free to hang out just to avoid going back to his empty house.

He let himself keep his shirt on a little longer and raised his head to check on Josh—heartbeat steadily increasing as Ray dropped layers. Josh watched him back, standing his ground like he’d been rooted there. Ray licked his lips and took a tentative step closer to the bed.

“Still think it’s a good idea?” he checked.

Josh snorted and exhaled noisily, but then he smiled. Ray knew that smile; it was his ‘this-is-crazy-but-I-can’t-help-myself’ smile. Ray had done many stupid things to get it and he was willing to admit that he wasn’t too grown up to do a couple more.

“You—You will tell me if it’s... too much, or weird?” he added with some consideration for Josh’s pride.

Josh shook his head, lips pressed together, and rolled his eyes at Ray. “I will tell you if it’s too much,” he agreed. “As soon as it starts being anything.”

His eyes were bright with the implied dare and Ray’s body responded to the challenge before he quite knew what he was doing. He pulled his shirt over his head fast enough he almost didn’t break eye contact and stepped into Josh’s space before his friend had time to look down at him.

He finally got his hands on Josh’s bare arms, bulging with muscle under Ray’s too sharp nails as Josh exhaled right into his mouth and welcomed his tongue with a low, stuttered moan. He was clumsy reaching back for Ray, too eager and too shocked for much finesse.

Ray didn’t give a fuck about it, he just wanted more. He wanted all of it. He shoved into Josh’s mouth and rolled his hips against his belly, groaning as the sensitive skin got pressed against the too rough cloth of his boxers instead of Josh’s soft skin.

Josh didn’t ask, just yanked Ray’s boxers down and took him in hand, making him shudder from head to toes with the sensation and stumble into him. “Hey,” Josh said, holding him up with a hand on his hip.

Ray leaned back enough to glare at him. “Stop...” he asked and Josh’s hand froze on him like someone had taken out his batteries. “Or I’ll come,” he wheezed out.

“Oh,” Josh said and Ray could see him swallow. He loosened his grip on Ray’s cock. Fuck, Ray thought. He shouldn’t have said it like that; he’d made Josh think... He shoved him back onto the bed, like he could interrupt Josh’s thoughts as well as his own.

Josh gasped as he bounced and glared up at him as soon as he got his breath back. “You are suck a dick,” he told Ray, and then his eyes widened a little and Ray realised he was naked. Completely bare to Josh’s hungry eyes roaming over his skin. He stiffened and of course Josh noticed and pulled his eyes back to Ray’s face with a guilty twist to his mouth. “Sorry, I—”

“No,” Ray interrupted. “I’m not...” He licked his lips. “I don’t want to hide. Not from you.” He made himself raise his gaze again but Josh was still caught on his face, eyes bright and body tense on the bed. Like...

“I’d rather feel you than look at you,” Josh said patiently.

Ray dared anyone to resist an offer like that. He stepped forwards and climbed into Josh’s lap, taking hold of his chin to guide him into a kiss. He was tired of holding back, tired of being afraid. “I—” He couldn’t find words beyond that so he bit at Josh’s lip and then pushed his tongue inside as if he had a hope in the world of getting enough of him, getting deep enough, staying long enough. Josh sucked on his tongue, clutching at him greedily and Ray pressed down onto him—not caring if he came, or if he didn’t. He wanted it to last forever, and he couldn’t wait to reach that point where Josh was everything he could see, hear, smell or taste. Everything that existed. All Ray could think about.

It was just a moment, but he needed that moment, that purity, that clarity, that connection.

Josh tugged him down and shoved his hips up, desperate for some contact on his own cock, refusing to let go for even a moment. Ray fell too heavily, making him gasp for breath and dig his hand into Ray’s back too hard.

He bent down and kissed him again. He had to, he had to lick at every molar and every ridge and taste Josh’s tongue deep in his own mouth. He had to press his dick to Josh’s stomach and grind down against Josh’s erection under his arse. He had to have everything, every little thing, and all of it together and it could never stop. He couldn’t stop. He couldn’t bear to.

Then Josh found the strength to push Ray away by the shoulders. Ray panted down at him, feeling like he was on a ledge and Josh the only thing keeping him from falling.

“Trousers?” Josh said. Because Ray hadn’t given him time to undress and because he wanted...

Oh, moon, Josh wanted Ray inside him.

He rolled away and onto his back, fists clenched, heart going so fast it was closer to a murmur than a beat. He felt Josh sit up next to him and realised he couldn’t... He shot to his feet, took a couple steps away, needing a little distance. He was afraid Josh would ask him if he was okay, but his friend just kept going: the sounds of him tugging his jeans off followed by the subtler shifting of his boxers hitting the floor.

“Ray?” he asked when he was done.

Ray could do nothing but turn towards him—he was an irresistible call, the one true place Ray knew to call home.

He didn’t want to resist. It didn’t matter if the wolf agreed, this was Ray’s truth: he’d loved this boy all his life, in all the possible ways.

Josh was sitting on the bed. Completely bare. Not just naked, that would have had Ray throwing himself into his arms without thinking twice. But he was looking at Ray openly: lips parted as if he was about to speak but his thoughts were too fragile to voice, eyes dipping to Ray’s shoulders and lower still but returning to his face as if searching for something there.

Ray didn’t know what there was to find, but if it was in him... Josh had to see it. He swallowed, suddenly afraid. Because this was the only way to express what he felt, to finally reveal himself to the man he’d loved for as long as he could remember... And he already knew too well that their bodies were dangerous and prone to overwhelm their minds.

“Ray?” Josh asked again.

He exhaled, held himself still a moment longer. “You will tell me if I...” He knew he was repeating himself, being as overbearingly careful as he resented Josh for being. But he couldn’t help it.

Josh just nodded. “Yeah,” he promised easily, and leaned back on his elbows, exposing his torso and legs and drawing Ray’s eyes inevitably to the rise of his erection.

Ray took a step closer, his knee bumped Josh’s and somehow he was straddling him, no time in between—he was blanketing Josh’s body with his own, the warmth of their skin becoming sweaty. They pressed against each other too hard and too fast, as if deep down they could not believe that there was such an absurd limit between them as flesh.

“Josh,” Ray begged quietly. He was clutching too hard at Josh’s forearms and he couldn’t... he couldn’t stop pushing his cock against the hot skin of Josh’s hip, his stomach, it wasn’t enough. And he...

Josh’s hand tightened on his arse, pressing their groins even closer together, a sweaty, sticky mess, and then he arched into Ray and their dicks slid together—silky and raw and perfect, and Ray couldn’t breathe.

Josh took hold of his hair and crushed their mouths together even as he hooked their legs together and rolled his hips, dragging Ray under the irresistible tide of his need, the unbearable strength of his love. And just like that, tangled together as far as skin would go, too soon and not ready, they went crashing over the edge.

The world was on fire, and it was glorious.

&

Ray shuddered on top of him, a little cold and beyond too sensitive. Josh’s arms and legs tightened like he was afraid Ray would try to pull away—like he would care about the discomfort of his overstimulated nerves compared to the sheer agony it would be to stop touching Josh now.

“Told you,” he breathed wetly into Josh’s neck. It came out sounding like he’d been screaming. He hoped he hadn’t; but he couldn’t get past the fog of afterglow to actually worry about it.

Josh laughed a little hysterically under him. “Yeah, that’ll teach me.” He kissed Ray’s neck, nuzzling sleepily. “Don’t go to sleep,” he warned and Ray turned his face and pressed his nose against the warmth prickly skin of Josh’s cheek.

He hardly thought it was fair to ask him to stay awake when Josh was so warm and comfortable under him. And then Josh made it easier by rolling his hips and turning his body, dumping him into the bed.

Ray grunted a complaint, not opening his eyes. He nearly jumped out of his own skin when Josh took hold of his right hand and guided it to Ray’s own belly, to the very sticky remains of their pleasure. Ray’s eyes flew open but lying on his back, the bump wasn’t very visible. It was also a little hard not to focus on the sticky mess on his fingers. He frowned at Josh, bemused, and then Josh smirked, dirty and provocative. “Maybe we don’t need lube.”

Ray exhaled noisily, glancing down at his hand and up again. “This isn’t...”

Josh frowned a little. “Isn’t what?”

“I mean, for— It’s part of the ritual,” he said weakly, raising himself onto his elbow. “And you haven’t...” It wasn’t exactly this, of course, most alphas wouldn’t be caught dead thinking about letting their omega fuck them, but the ritual required the alpha swallowing his omega’s seed to complete the cycle of planting his own seed inside him.

Ray had been looking forwards to that part of it even if he was scared of freaking out for the actual fucking. It wasn’t just the idea of a blowjob; there was something in him that craved this connection, having a part of himself in Josh’s body...

But not if Josh didn’t want him.

“Ray, I will,” Josh said, curling up towards him. He put his hand on Ray’s hip and looked up at Ray trustingly. “I will be your First Alpha. There was never any question of—just... timing.”

Ray nodded slowly, so relieved he was trembling slightly. Josh didn’t say anything, just rubbed his hip in slow, even circles as Ray breathed in and out a few times. He’d been almost sure, because he knew Josh loved him and... But almost hadn’t been enough. He pressed his face to Josh’s cheek for a moment, inhaling the scent of his skin.

And of the mess they’d made between them. He glanced down. “So...”

“No ritual,” Josh said at once. “I didn’t—Just want to have you inside me.” His voice was rough and not all that steady. Ray smiled at him, nervous but comforted, and Josh smiled back, all bravado. He didn’t break their gaze as he leaned back and bent his own knee to his chest. That alone was enough to set Ray’s heart racing and Josh didn’t stop there: he rolled onto his back and tugged at Ray’s hand until he followed and knelt by his side. He guided Ray’s hand to the trail behind his balls.

He was hot there. Burning. Ray trailed his wet fingers down until he found the puckered flesh, soft as silk and closed up. Josh shivered under his touch and Ray’s body clenched sympathetically. He glanced up, waiting for Josh’s little nod of encouragement. Ray pressed a little harder and it sucked the tip of his finger in, making him gasp. Josh laughed, from nerves or at his shock, Ray wasn’t sure. He pulled his hand away, regretting it at once. But it was worth it when he pressed more of their mixed come against Josh’s hole and rubbed—Josh made a sound like he’d choked on air and clutched hard at his own bent leg.

“Good?” Ray checked, half teasing, half serious.

“More,” Josh replied. He was panting and Ray checked his face—cheeks flushed, wet tongue licking absently at his parted lips. He looked a little overwhelmed, but that was all. And he’d asked for more.

Ray crawled back and eased Josh’s bent leg out of the way so that he could kneel between his lover’s knees. The change in position opened Josh up enough that his finger sank past the first knuckle. Josh’s eyes widened under him, heart skipping as Ray hooked his leg over his own elbow to give himself room to work.

Josh tensed up in his grip and Ray stopped, finding his eyes and explaining, “Just need a better angle.” Josh squirmed a little, eyelashes fluttering as he looked away. Ray put his clean hand on his face—hot to the touch—and turned him back.

He was shivering slightly, body coiled tight, Ray’s finger barely fitting inside him. “Josh?” he checked. “Should I—?”

“No!” Josh’s hand shot out to take hold of Ray’s forearm. He huffed, shifting his shoulders on the bedding to get more comfortable. “I—Gimme a minute.”

Ray would, of course, but he wasn’t quite sure if he needed to say so, or... It didn’t matter because Josh let go of his arm so he could bury his fingers in Ray’s hair and tug him down for a kiss, pushing his tongue into his mouth like he was thinking of getting as deep into Ray’s body as he planned to let Ray into his. Ray groaned at the image, opening his mouth for Josh and barely remembering to keep his finger still where it still lodged.

Josh’s bent knee flexed and before Ray knew it, his friend was thrusting into his touch, impaling himself further and nearly upsetting Ray’s fragile one-handed balance over him. Josh pulled at his hair and dug his fingers into his arm in an effort to keep him upright and Ray emerged from the kiss already laughing.

“Need a hand?” Josh asked.

In response, Ray curled his index inside him. Josh gasped a little, swallowing hard, but just when Ray was starting to wonder if he’d gone too far, he narrowed his eyes at Ray. “That all you got?”

Ray tried to remember the steps among the fog of lust, then slowly pulled his finger out and extended a second one. His fingers were still slick and wet but he pushed gently at the delicate flesh between Josh’s buttocks until just the tips were inside. He glanced up and Josh, tosser that he could be, smirked and raised his eyebrows at him.

Ray pushed his fingers in all the way.

Josh couldn’t hold back a whimper at that, tossing his head to the side and clenching his eyes shut, body tightening around Ray’s fingers like a vice. “More?” Ray asked sweetly.

His mate’s eyes found his face, eyelashes fluttering too fast as if echoing the movement around Ray’s fingers. It hit him suddenly that he was going to feel that around his cock and his hips snapped forward, pushing his dick against the back of Josh’s thigh. Josh shuddered at the touch and yanked on Ray’s arm even as he lifted his hips into it.

“Yes,” he said, breathless and true.

More felt like an insane demand to make when two fingers barely fit but Josh exhaled and actually relaxed enough to take all four. He was going to leave a permanent indent of his nails on Ray’s arm, but watching him fall apart under him, Ray couldn’t find it in himself to care.

He wanted him now. He was too hard to wait and even though he’d come in the last half hour, it felt like the barest stimulation would end up with another embarrassing wet spot. “Okay,” Josh decided and pulled on Ray’s right arm hard enough Ray had to resist him.

“Wait!” he demanded, voice going high in alarm. “You’ll hurt yourself. You can’t—”

“I can’t wait,” Josh gritted out, and Ray could only nod. He still pulled his fingers out slowly, watching Josh’s face twist with an emotion he couldn’t quite decipher.

“Josh?” he checked again. He couldn’t help himself—he was flying blind and if he...

“Yes,” his mate said, a yearning so profound it twisted inside Ray, making his own need burn bright as fire. “Yes, do it.”

For a moment, he held still, proving to himself that he could, and then he fell into it like it was the edge of a cliff and he could fly. He took hold of Josh’s other leg too and hoisted it over his shoulder this time. He found his slick entrance even as his other hand tightened painfully around his own cock for long enough to make this possible at all. And then he was pressing the head against the soft, wet heat of Josh’s body. It had only been a moment since he’d had half his hand inside so when his hard cock was pressed to the muscle, it opened up, easily sucking him in until Ray froze, muscles locked and eyes clenched shut against the all-consuming pleasure irradiating from his groin.

He knew he had to look up. He had to check Josh was okay. But he couldn’t. He couldn’t do this when he... It was too much. He couldn’t look Josh in the eye when he was inside him. There had to be some barriers; he didn’t think he would survive if there weren’t. He couldn’t— He felt Josh’s palm on his face as if through a fog.

He didn’t mean to open his eyes, he was just surprised, and then Josh’s bright eyes met his and he couldn’t look away. They were... Ray could feel where they were joined together and they were... Josh’s hand curved around his jaw and behind his neck and he slowly pulled Ray down, tightening his legs even though it bent him further in two. And like that, very slowly, Ray sank deep into him.

When their lips met, it felt like the final barrier had crumbled. Ray had been afraid but as his heart battered against his chest and his body grew slick with sweat, he felt his mind soar instead, a joy so overwhelming he could hardly breathe through it.

Josh’s nails dug deeper into him and Ray’s hips snapped forwards hard. Josh’s tongue stabbed into Ray’s mouth in sweet retribution. And there was no stopping then: Ray bit at him, shoving in again and Josh arched into him, seeking more, arse clenching tight enough to keep Ray inside if not for the slickness of their semen and Ray’s precome making every slide into his mate’s body easier and faster. Josh let out a strangled sound, tearing his mouth away to gasp but pushing up into Ray’s cock at the same time. He couldn’t get enough, legs flexing hard enough on Ray’s shoulders to hurt.

Ray gave him more. He gave him everything, pressing clumsy, uncoordinated kisses to Josh’s cheeks, his forehead, his ear, and giving him sharp little jabs that had him shuddering and panting for breath.

“Ray.” Josh’s voice broke on his name and Ray saw the tortured joy on his face grow frantic. “Touch me.”

Ray’s stomach fell and he almost lost his balance as he scrambled to get his left hand between them and around Josh’s thick, hard cock. It seemed to grow in his grip and Josh let out a desperate whine, body struggling to get closer to both Ray’s hand and Ray’s cock despite his awkward position. Ray’s body responded like it had been primed for it, pushing himself into Josh’s arse once more, hard and true, as his hand tightened and jerked him off.

Josh screamed as he came, convulsing in place. Ray would have screamed too, except the feeling of Josh’s body sucking him in was too much to breathe through—he thrust in again, helpless to stop the motion of his hips, and again as Josh pulled at him, licking at his lips because neither of them could manage the coordination for a kiss. He felt his orgasm start deep in him. It hurt for an endless instant as his mate’s body locked tight around him and then he was free—soaring high in blind joy.

He clutched at Josh for too long afterwards—the mess cooling between them, Josh’s legs still bent uncomfortably. But his mate didn’t object and he barely seemed to notice when Ray shifted back until he could pull out of his body. Ray watched him for a long second until Josh opened his eyes and blinked at him—dazed and sleepy but exuding such contentment Ray couldn’t keep himself from curling closer to his side.

Josh made an unhappy noise when Ray’s smeared his own come against his skin—but curled an arm around Ray to ensure he didn’t move, not seemingly planning to let go any time soon.

Ray thought about checking once more. Just to be safe... But even their bodies had limits and not even Ray could manage to hold onto his fears while in the arms of the man he loved.