“Hey guys, you busy?”

Josh looked up to see Sergi leaning in the doorway of Ray's bedroom. This time they'd got all the pups down for a nap—they'd earned their break and more.

It was stupid to feel annoyed at being interrupted; hadn't they left Ray's door open? It wasn't for the light, the window of Ray's bedroom faced exactly the right way to get the best afternoon light and the corridor didn’t have any windows anyway.

Sergi, normally so circumspect, walked into the room already smiling. About as subtle as a tornado and not giving a reason for his presence at all.

“You can look,” Ray said, long-suffering. But Josh could tell his friend was pleased with the attention.

Maybe it was only natural; the only attention Ray had got in the last year was for something he had no choice about, and here was Sergi expressing an interest in what basically amounted to the contents of Ray's soul. Since he was starting to sketch group portraits of their children, maybe even literally so.

Josh clenched his fist under the table next to Ray and turned his face back to the drawing as Sergi leaned closer and whistled. “Not to brag but... we make some pretty kids,” he whispered, close enough to Ray's ear he could probably feel his breath.

Ray laughed, too loud in Josh’s ears. It was ridiculous, absolutely stupid. He’d watched Sergi fuck Ray, why was it so unbearable to hear him make Ray laugh? But it was different, somehow. Maybe because for all that Josh wanted to sleep with Ray, he didn’t need it. Ray’s attention, though... That he did. And he’d had it. For a long time, it had just been Ray and him; everyone else just an occasional plus one to their adventures. They lived in a pack and they hung out with other kids their age, of course, but Josh had never had any competition for Ray's friendship. People had been interested, of course, Ray was tough but charming and beautiful to boot. Josh hadn’t stood in his way when girls had shown an interest—but girlfriends couldn’t take his place.

Even if he wanted to take theirs.

It was different now. Alec had confirmed that it wasn’t the bond calling the alphas to pay Ray attention. And it was Josh’s own fault. The only reason Josh had not only listened to Sergi’s request to be considered as a potential mate for Ray but actually agreed to it was that the man had confessed he’d been crushing on Ray since before their ridiculous enmity began. He’d seemed so vulnerable as he admitted that he’d never dared tell Ray what he felt after he’d botched his attempt at friendship so badly. And Josh had seen the truth of it: that Sergi hadn’t given up on his feelings—maybe he hadn’t been able to, maybe he was too smart to let go of someone of Ray’s calibre—despite how much it hurt to be ignored.

And Josh had seen it because he saw it all the time. He felt it all the time—maybe all the more because of how very close Ray let him get.

But in that moment of empathy, he somehow had neglected to think of the fact that Sergi’s crush could only become more once Ray accepted him as his mate. Now that he’d had Ray in body, now that Ray wore his mark and had given him Sasha... Who could blame him for wanting more?

He startled as Sergi moved to take a picture. Ray was watching him do it with a sceptical twist to his mouth. He caught Josh looking and rolled his eyes, but his own were shining. “He wants to document ‘the process' or something.”

“Oh, shut up,” Sergi said from behind his phone. “I’m just making sure you don’t forget to give me a copy because it’s an exclusive work of art.”

“We could scan them,” Josh suggested.

“Nah, phones are better now, nobody’s updating the quality of scanners anymore,” Ray explained.

“Oh,” he said and closed his mouth. He obviously didn’t know enough about art to be any help. He’d always thought he was helping Ray by being a second pair of eyes, but it was hard to miss the way Sergi was asking questions about the type of pencil and shading Ray had used and planned to add.

He stepped back, turning towards the bed to check on the babies. He almost sagged with relief when he saw Sasha was awake and tugging on Jamie’s floppy hair. He sat on the bed and picked her up, getting a delighted gurgle in response as she turned to play with his hair instead. Sergi was right; she was pretty as a picture, dark eyes on chocolate skin—a little lighter than Sergi’s own, although that could have just been the amount of time Sergi had been spending in the sun working construction both at home and at Gabriel’s site.

Sergi was the perfect picture of an alpha: broad across the shoulders, devoted but strong. He was beautiful too, like a man was beautiful, his long dark lashes off-set by the stubble on his cheeks. Josh had tried to grow facial hair when he was younger—he had to be the only werewolf in the history of the world to fail.

And Ray was turned towards him, heads bent close together, unbothered when their sides brushed as they turned the pages and tried different angles.

And if it was what Ray wanted... If it would make Ray light up with excitement and actually laugh? Josh should be happy for him. But he wasn't, he couldn’t be. Ray had said he had feelings for Josh—not what feelings, but more than enough to give Josh hope—and now... Well, of course Ray didn't want anything like that. Josh's stomach still turned when he thought about how Ray sometimes recoiled when he was touched. Whatever Ray had felt before presenting omega, whatever had remained... It couldn't compete with that kind of trauma. And Josh couldn't tell Ray he simply wanted to know if he felt those things still, not a single brush of his fingers required. Not now and not ever.

It was a cruel promise to make when they all knew Ray would go into heat sooner rather than later.

It didn't mean a thing that Josh was willing to give up all physical contact if his best friend would just smile at him. Not when he couldn't follow through.

Marisa knocked on the open door and Josh looked away from Ray to meet her eyes. He had known her since before she could speak—her apprehension was obvious at a glance. He had missed something between Ray and her but he couldn't bring himself to ask either of them for details. Ray was clearly reluctant to leave her with the kids after she had missed him being taken through the kitchen door while she entertained the rest of Nicholas's alphas in the sitting room. Josh didn't think Ray truly blamed her for it; she was a smart girl but she was a seventeen-year-old beta who'd been left in charge of five babies in a room with five grown alphas. Even if she had noticed something was amiss, there had been nothing she could have done without putting her charges at risk.

Ray's voice cut off abruptly, but he didn't speak to her. Josh could almost feel her cringe.

“Is nap time over?” Josh asked, maybe with excessive cheer.

“Well... I guess. I mean, if you want to sleep tonight,” Marisa said, regaining confidence as if she was remembering that she had three younger siblings she'd helped raise.

Josh had completely forgotten it was his turn to get up if the babies cried during the night but if Marisa said it was, he believed her—she both wrote their schedules and was in charge of changing them if something came up. The kids rarely woke now that they weren't being breastfed anymore but still, it was better if only one of them was sleep-deprived at a time. Josh could always take a nap when Irina took over the next morning.

He got up with Sasha and gestured at the bed. “Take your pick!” he offered grandly.

That got Marisa to smile—looking a little like she also wanted to roll her eyes at him, but Josh wasn’t picky.

“We could just get them leashes,” she suggested picking up Maria. The girl woke, groggy and moody at once and then she noticed who was holding her and snuggled into the warm space of Marisa's neck. Josh passed Sasha to her so she wouldn't have to bend over again, then turned and tickled Mikey until he blinked his pretty hazel eyes open. Both Mikey and Sasha had proved strong enough to sit on Josh's shoulders and cling to his neck so he sat his son on his shoulders and checked his grip was firm before he reached for Clara, who was ready to roll right off the bed.

“Josh!” came Ray's tense voice. Mikey was settled so Josh slowly turned to Ray.

Ray stood staring at him. Was he... afraid? Josh frowned. “Are you okay?”

“What are you doing?” Ray asked, looking over Josh's head. “He’s not even six months old!”

“He’s fine, he's holding on to me,” Josh said. “Look, come here and stand behind me and I'll let go—”

“Just... Just don't,” Ray gritted out, looking even more agitated. He took a step closer to them, then stopped. His heart was beating fast enough to be worrying. He wasn’t concerned, he was terrified.

“Okay,” Josh said at once. “I didn't... It's fine, I'll...” He reached for Mikey, who clung for a moment longer before allowing himself to be pulled over his right shoulder and into his arms again. Josh looked back at Ray, who was looking at Michael, arms so tense Josh could see his muscles twitching. He stepped forward and crossed the space between them, certain of his welcome for once, and put Michael against his other father's chest, pressing himself close to Ray for a long moment before Ray reacted and took the baby.

It was long enough to tell Ray was trembling. He tucked his face into their son's neck, holding him carefully, breathing gone ragged. Josh had to look away.

He didn't know how to fix this. He couldn't... He turned his back to Ray, giving his proud omega at least the illusion of privacy even if both he and Sergi could hear the effect terror had on his body.

Sergi was on the bed—for all the world like he hadn’t noticed the altercation—trying to convince Clara to turn back into a girl and to keep Jamie from wandering off now that he was fully awake. He looked up at Josh when he approached. “Oh, can you...?” he asked, offering him the twisting pup.

The babies could understand some of what they said already—Alec said their development was accelerated compared to humans—but that didn't mean they had to listen. For some reason, Josh had luck more often than anybody except Ray and Marisa. He took Clara and rubbed behind her ears, cradling her close and keeping her from trying to run in the air. She wouldn't listen to a thing he said unless she calmed down a little first.

He was so focused on his task that it wasn't until he looked up from Clara's very human nose trying to smell his shirt that he saw Ray had walked away from his desk and was standing by his side.

Sergi had taken Jamie to Marisa, so they were alone except for the baby each of them held. Josh swallowed, ready to apologize again, but Ray beat him to it. “I’m sorry, I know he's safe with you. I just... I don't know. I saw him there and all I could think was that he'd fall and—”

“Ray,” Josh cut him off. “I get it, I'm not offended. You have reasons to be... It's normal to worry, they are so small still, even if they are tough.” He reached out and cupped Mikey's shoulder, rubbing his thumb against the soft skin of his neck. Ray's eyes followed the movement with... Josh didn't know. Was Ray trying to make sure Josh didn't touch him? Or the opposite? Did he want a hug?

Clara shifted in his arms, always impatient to be on the move and Josh discarded the idea.

“Here,” Ray said, and glanced at Josh so briefly he couldn't read his expression before he stepped forward and pushed Mikey against Josh's free side, letting his own body lean close for a moment... too long? Josh couldn’t tell; to him, it just felt like not long enough.

“Get back to work then,” Josh tried to tease, but it sounded flat after everything. “I want to see the final product.”

“Yeah,” Ray agreed, already pulling away. “Me too.”

&

It turned out Martha had been right about Ray liking the hard work—but perhaps she'd forgotten how much of a perfectionist he was. Gabriel had set them up with the simple task of building yet another wall—thanks to Ray's contribution, they had three rooms left to go instead of the two they had originally planned. They had a level to make sure they were building evenly—although Josh would have guessed it was hard to fuck that up with factory made bricks of identical size—and Ray was still being a little too methodical when it came to spreading the cement.

Josh was happy to watch him frown at the grey mixture while he waited for his turn to put the next set of bricks in place—it made a nice change from watching him out of the corner of his eye to make sure he wasn’t about to break down crying or abruptly leave the room without an explanation.

“Stare much?” Ray asked, not looking up.

Josh swallowed, but it was clearly a joke. “Best thing in my view.”

Ray's mouth twisted and Josh thought he would have rolled his eyes at him if he hadn't convinced himself he needed to keep his attention on his work. “I like this.”

Josh laughed. “You don't say! You have been staring at that for ten minutes.”

Ray spared him an unimpressed look. “This is our children's home. Forgive me if I don't want the walls to fall on them.”

“I promise you Gabriel didn't check the cement was perfectly even and we have lived in the main house for six months without any walls falling on us, haven't we?”

Ray huffed. “Gabriel knows what he's doing. He can wing it.”

“Okay,” Josh agreed. Ray seemed to have forgotten that he’d argued with Gabriel about the house’s design only the day before and been right for all of his cousin’s experience. Josh didn’t mention it—he liked seeing Ray that confident, even if only about something as insignificant as storage.

He’d have liked it even more if Ray could have been that sure of himself when it came to everything else.

But for that... He hesitated.  Ray seemed relaxed for the first time in ages. The only time, except when he was drawing, that Josh didn’t suspect darker thoughts lurked beneath his brave smiles. But it wasn’t like Josh could bring it up when Ray looked sad, and if they never talked about it, nothing would ever change. “Ray...”

His friend looked up, clearly sensing Josh’s distress. “What is it?”

“I don't want...” He exhaled, struggling against the tightness in his chest. “I can't keep pretending everything is fine. I just... I don't think it's good for you.”

Ray’s eyes were stuck to the ground between them, mouth a sour line. “And you know what's good for me better than I do?”

“What? No!” Josh said at once. “I’m just... it's my opinion. I can have an opinion even if I'm your alpha, can't I?” he demanded with a little more anger than he'd meant to show.

Ray shot him a surprised look, maybe because Josh had been so gentle lately. He'd thought he needed to be, but being gentle had only got Ray to retreat further and further from him. “You can have an opinion, doesn't mean I have to agree,” Ray bit off, his own resentment clear in his voice.

“No, it doesn't,” Josh agreed reasonably. “But you can listen.”

“I'm listening,” his friend said, gaze lost somewhere in the distance.

“You know we need to talk about what happened, don't you?” he asked Ray softly. Ray didn’t respond, maybe he was just planning on listening. That was fine with Josh; he didn't need Ray to agree now, just to start getting used to the idea. It’d be hard, and it’d hurt them both. But if they didn't do it... If he let Ray bury his fear and his pain... he might never be able to let them go.

“And you want to be my shrink?” Ray asked, voice flat and posture rigid.

Josh bit back an imprecation, clutching at the brick he’d been fiddling with hard enough to hurt his hand. “I want to be your friend.”

“Then be my friend. This...” He waved around them both. “This is good. I'm trying, Josh. I have left them inside, even if they are the only thing I can think of. I can still feel them or I don't know what I'd do...”

Josh's feet propelled him forward before he thought about it, dropping the brick without looking where it fell. “I know,” he said honestly. He barely kept himself from touching Ray. “I don't... I don't mean now. Just... think about it?”

Ray huffed wearily. “Okay, I will think about it.”

He was telling the truth and that was all Josh could ask for now. Ray stepped toward him and for a second Josh thought— Ray picked up the brick he’d dropped and offered it to him. “Let’s get back to work,” he said decisively. “I know we have an in with the boss but I don't want to take advantage.”

Josh offered him a smile, weak but real, his mind still half lost in words that hadn't yet been pronounced, words that had to be stuck in Ray's brain where he could do nothing to help.

But he could only offer; it wasn’t his choice to make.

&

Maybe Ray needed more time. Time and work. Gabriel wouldn't even let them do anything complicated. The moment the bricklaying was done, he’d take his overdue holidays from his day job and start on the more complex work himself. Josh had been meant to help him but he’d stepped back and offered Ray the chance instead. Ray had seen right through him—not that Josh had pretended he was keen to take more shifts at the gas station—but he’d accepted.

He thought Ray might have been a little offended anyway, but he wasn’t sure. He couldn’t get over how wrong that was: that he couldn’t assume Ray would want and like certain things based on what Josh knew of him, that he couldn’t trust Ray would disabuse him of any misconceptions he happened to harbour loudly and unequivocally.

It hurt, but he didn't know Ray that well anymore. He wasn't sure Ray knew himself that well, either, not when he'd gone through so much so fast. He was still the man Josh loved, but he didn't want the same things. He wasn't allowed to. And even if he'd started to accept that he was an omega and his life was here with his new pack... That had been before Nicholas.

But the work helped, and drawing definitely helped. Even if Josh couldn't tell Ray's pens apart, much less the types of shadowing, Ray seemed happy enough to have him sit in the room with his laptop or playing with the babies on the bed.

And maybe it helped Josh a little, to be there, to know they were all safe and he'd be in the right place if... But it was crazy, of course. Except that he still found himself arguing for the sensors at the pack meeting when they finally managed to sit down and make it happen. Marisa and Irina had bowed out, claiming it would be a conflict of interest since the beta wing was meant to be theirs. Or maybe they’d decided the only way the six of them would be able to have a serious conversation was if they teamed up to get the babies to bed the one time none of the alphas was working late.

It had been so easy to dismiss Gabriel’s reluctance as paranoia when Josh had been home all day, right next to Ray, who’d know at once if anybody in the pack as much as got a splinter. But now that he was out for hours at a time...

“I’m just saying we shouldn't dismiss the idea without—” Josh explained.

“We aren't,” Ray cut him off, the strain in his voice very audible to all of them. But he didn't seem to care about the discomfort it brought him to break protocol and defy his alphas. Knowing Ray, he was doing it because it was uncomfortable and because he still could. “But having more adults around will be a lot safer than having an alarm go off if someone trespasses. And we can’t even be sure we can adjust it so it'll only react with people.”

“I...” Josh faltered. “I just don't want that responsibility to be just yours. It isn't fair.”

Ray looked away, pulse speeding and body tensing up where he was sat on the couch. “You all got eyes and ears,” he said after a long moment. “And the more of those we have...”

He was so intensely uncomfortable—scent sour and acrid—that Josh couldn't even process his words for a moment, and then he realised what he'd implied: that Ray should choose a First Alpha. Because an alpha who had a mutual bond with a First Omega would share his powers of knowing who was where in their territory.

“We should vote,” Iesu said before Josh could apologize.

It was for the best, really, and the plumber won by a landslide. At the last minute, Josh raised his own hand—as much of an apology as he could make in public.

“Okay, I'll get it booked,” Gabriel declared, standing up. “If we're doing that first, we can delay the roof but we'll need to put up the central pillars to keep everything steady for them.”

“Can I help with that?” Ray asked at once.

Gabriel smiled at him, looking oddly proud. “Yes, of course. You like this, don't you?” he commented. “I thought you'd get bored.”

Ray shrugged, but Josh noticed his posture had relaxed. “I like making things.”

“Oh, did you finish the portrait?” Sergi asked. He sounded excited, which only the children and Ray's art seemed to inspire in him as far Josh could tell.

“Well, I think so?” Ray said. “I don't know if I got the depth quite right...”

To Josh’s surprise, Sergi turned to him next. “You saw it already, right?”

“Ah, no,” he admitted, trying to pretend like it'd been accidental and not Ray deliberately not asking him to look the previous evening.

“I can't show it to you,” Ray explained, probably seeing something on his face. “I’m making it for you.”

Josh blinked at him, then frowned. “But I have seen it...”

“That was before it was ready,” Ray replied. “I want a second opinion, and then you can have it and you have to say it's amazing anyway.”

Josh couldn't keep a small smile from escaping. He'd thought Ray didn't trust his opinion, but this... “Well, I will lie,” he promised, meeting his friend's eyes. His heart skipped a beat, but he couldn't have said if it was the lie or the emotion.

“We are done here, right?” Iesu checked. “Alec is going to teach me to cook and it's almost six.”

Out of the corner of his eye, Josh caught Sergi shooting his lover a look. Whatever it was, Sergi turned to Ray. “I could have a look now if you want.”

Ray looked away from Josh. “Ah, yeah, if...” he stopped, unsure. “You and Iesu usually...” He looked around at them all as if expecting confirmation. It was true, of course, Marisa assigned Iesu and Sergi to work together if they were in the house at the same time.

Surprisingly, it was Alec who spoke up, “They do, but resilient as we are, I would still like something edible for dinner, so I offered to teach them.”

It was a lie and unlike Iesu, who had phrased it ambiguously to avoid detection, Alec had simply said it. He shrugged when Ray met his eyes and for a moment Josh feared Ray would get angry. But maybe he didn't see it as a real attempt at deception, or maybe he was starting to understand that the little kindnesses they offered him weren't pity, but love. They were his alphas and they wanted to protect him, but they also wanted him to be happy.

Sergi had found a way—and all of them would support it.

“Okay, thanks,” Ray said to Alec, but too seriously for it to be for the cooking class.

He and Sergi headed down the corridor together, already talking about the possibility of putting the portrait through some Instagram filter. Josh turned and smiled at Alec.

The other alpha gave him a startled smile back. He seemed to be coming out of his shell lately, maybe because his research into the babies' growth was going well—Gabriel had found him a lot of people in their old pack willing to help.

“Do you want some help peeling or something?” he offered. He felt a little responsible—after all, he'd asked Ray to do the portrait.

“You can dice the peppers,” Alec offered. “Iesu’s doing the onions!”

“Hey!” Iesu complained. “Why me?”

“Because you stole Irina's brownies and she's still pissed off about it,” Alec said simply.

“Proof!” Iesu said at once.

Alec shrugged. “You also left the Tupperware unwashed in the sink. Marisa picked up your scent on it.”

“Dammit,” Iesu complained. He sounded more amused than rueful. “I guess I'll pay for my crimes.”

Josh thought about telling him he could wear the swimming goggles they kept next to the sink, but he guessed that was up to Alec.

He followed them to the kitchen; he could use the distraction from wondering what Ray and Sergi were up to besides art.