It was the tiniest stream of first light that woke me. Jason was already up, moving quietly around the room.

“I was going to let you sleep a little longer,” he said, coming over to sit on the edge of the bed. I sat up, aware only of him and the sweet, tender bruising of my body. We’d been awake most of the night… coming together over and over. He’d been fiercely demanding… I’d been utterly savage… By the small hours, we’d been patient and tender and loving…

And all of it had led us to this moment. I’d tried to push it further and further out of my thoughts all night, using passion to blind myself to the truth… to ignore the fact that every kiss, every touch had brought us closer… to now.

“Randy took Rye home with him last night so he could be with Connie and the kids,” he said, and the timbre of his voice ran through my body… awakening every tiny cell. “But he’s downstairs now… waiting for me…”

I climbed out of bed to press my naked body against his. His clothes felt rough… out of place like a barrier between us. Daddy’s old clock was on the mantle… ticking…

But Jason wrapped his arms around me and kissed me like we had forever. “When you’re with me, I feel like I’m strong enough to do this, to let you go…” I said against his lips. I felt them curve in a smile. “But I don’t know how to get through the rest of the day… after last night,” I said. My own voice was rough, unfamiliar. “I don’t know how the hell to climb back into this bed without you tonight…”

He took my face in his hands and smiled, so close and so far away all at once. “Everything that matters is still right here, Em. You… and my whole heart…” He grinned. “Besides, I’ll be back in a few weeks at most. And then we’ll have a hundred nights just like last night.” He kissed me soundly again. “Rest up,” he said teasingly, “I’ll be expecting a proper welcome home…”

He took my hand and lifted it to his lips. “You remember what you promised…?”

“I do,” I answered. If there was any common sense left in me after last night, it was in ashes by now. “I’ll be here when you get home… You know damned well I will be.” I smiled back, determined to put on a brave face.

He picked me up and put me back in bed, letting his fingers trail my skin as he pulled the covers up. “This is the picture I want to take with me,” he said. “You… like this…”

He kissed me again and headed for the door. “Randy said Conn and the kids are driving up tonight. They should be here by dinnertime.” He grinned and my heart turned over like a lump in my chest. “He didn’t want them to be alone either.” I could hear the truck engine turning over outside and Reilly barking on the porch.

And I knew there wasn’t any avoiding it anymore. The moment had come…

“I love you.”

No goodbye, no dragging the moment out any longer than it took to say those three words. We said them at the exact same time and he was down the stairs before the smile on my face had a chance to fade. Every old fear had risen up again inside me and my heart was pounding away in my chest. But there was something about Jason… Something that made me willing to believe… and to take one more chance.

“I should have my head examined,” I muttered at the walls, holding my head in my hands. I’d tried to live my life without him but now… now I couldn’t push him away again, no matter what the cost. When I’d handed him back his ring and told him I couldn’t marry him, I’d been angry and reckless… and still too immature to realize the impact of that choice.

But I’d grown up a hell of a lot in the last three years… I knew I could never, ever leave him again… even if he was a firefighter for the rest of our lives.

I sat, alone in our bed, knowing I had to find a way to live with a lifetime of moments like this… and unspoken goodbyes.

“Well, you know men,” Connie said with a lopsided smile. We sat in front of the fire, warming our hands on our mugs.

It had been one of the longest days of my life… and one of the quietest… waiting for Connie and the kids to arrive. Reilly hadn’t been much in the way of company, preferring to loll on the sofa, his big paws twitching as he dreamed. But he was as excited as I was to hear the pickup come down the driveway. He loved every kid he met, but Randy and Conn’s most of all. He was outside with them now, barking at April, who was keeping the ball away from her little brother, Joey.

“That’s kind of the problem, Conn,” I replied. “I’ve read all the great romances… hell, I’m trying to write one. But I don’t really know men… not the way most women my age do.”

She put her mug on the coffee table and leaned forward, head down… her hands on her knees, her elbows pointing out assertively. My sister-in-law never did shy away from an opportunity to give advice...

“So what if he was your first and only, Ember. In a way, I think that makes it even more romantic.” She put her hand over mine. “I know why you ended it with him, honey. I don’t blame you. And I don’t think he even blames you for it.” She sighed. “Everybody sings the praises of first responders; the police, the paramedics, the firefighters…

“But how many people really get what it means to make a man like that the center of your whole world? To love him, to live with him and have his babies… and then watch him walk straight into the face of god-knows-what kind of danger.” She shifted back and crossed her arms over her chest. “Maybe you don’t have a lot of experience with different men, honey. But you know Jason better than anybody. And he’s cut out of the same cloth Randy is… and your dad, too,” she smiled compassionately. “They’re men with a calling. And they don’t have any more choice in the matter than we do.” She looked out the window where her children were playing. “We don’t have any choice but to keep on loving them. But I swear to god, it takes more fucking bravery to be the one waiting at home. Some days I think I’d rather face a goddamned inferno myself, instead of the feeling I get inside when that phone rings…”

“How do you it?” I asked, wrapping my cold hands around my empty cup, trying to soak in the last of its warmth. “Day after day…”

“Because he’s the only man in the world I can’t live without,” she said. “I decided somewhere along the way that I’d rather have one single day loving him, than a whole lifetime with anyone else. Randy and those two babies…” She stood up and went into the kitchen, coffee pot in hand. “I nearly ran once too, you know,” she admitted softly, refilling my cup.

“Wait… what…?”

She glanced up, sheepish. “We’d been married about six months… and I didn’t know yet that April was on the way.” She sat down beside me, sober. “He’d been out on duty more than he’d been home… and it wasn’t exactly my dream of young married life.”

She grinned and her pale blue eyes sparkled. Color rose in her cheeks. “But I stayed. Your brother can be reckless and shortsighted and about the most frustrating damned man I ever met.” I blinked and she went on. “He’s also the kindest man I ever met.” Her look softened, her whole demeanor shifted. “He’s steadfast and devoted and I trust him more than I ever thought possible. I live everyday knowing I could lose him to a wildfire, and I’ve learned to accept that it’s out of my control.

“The only thing I can control… is opening up my whole heart to him and loving him anyway.”