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I sat on the front porch swing waiting for the crunch of tyres on gravel. It didn’t take long, before I knew it he was there. My heart lurched painfully. I couldn’t bring myself to look him in the face as he climbed from Ryder’s truck. His purposeful gait as he walked to me, full of business and determination, felt like a punch in the gut and I wasn’t for taking anymore.

“Stop!” I stood up from the swing and shouted again.

He did. Standing perfectly still, he looked me straight in the eye when I finally raised my head, pulled up from the swing and thudded down the porch steps. Five feet away from me, I sneered at the shell of the man I loved. Bloodshot eyes, hard lines and set lips greeted my stare. I got the first glimpse of a man he had never wanted me to see. The murderous glare was not for me, would never be for me. I didn’t feel the threat. All I felt was an unbearable wretchedness I thought might linger forever.

We stood for what felt like an eternity, contemplating one another. I guess I wanted to have my fill, so I unashamedly took it, committed it to memory, knowing I’d never see anything more beautiful yet tragic in all my life. Losing him pinched at me hard - sore realisation - nothing in comparison to what was about to come.

“How could you?” I gritted out, watching as Shaun’s whole body deflated and his shoulders slumped. “With her, of all people.”

“Don’t let them win, baby,” he said with purpose, never losing eye contact with me, his words making me furious. There was no denial, only a confirmation that a game was indeed being played and I was the bait to catch the fish.

He was the prize.

“Huh? That’s all you’ve got?” I glared at him incredulously. “Look at me!” I bellowed as his head dipped. “Give me that decency at least, Gripp.” His eyes snapped back to mine and I caught a lingering glimpse of determination cross his face. It was gone quicker than I’d caught it. “We’re through, baby,” I said to him in the sweetest voice I could find, knowing exactly how much it would cut him. Drawing myself up taller, I hoped he would hear the condemnation in my words even if I wasn’t feeling them. He took a step closer and I put my hand up in front of me. “Not another step, you need to leave. I don’t want to see you anymore. We’re done.”

“Ayden....”

I closed my eyes to the pleading tone of his voice, letting its cadence wash over me. Everything hurt too much, but I wanted an answer. “Is it true?”

He looked away, lifting his head to whoever was standing at the door. Then his eyes swung back to me and he whispered, “yes.”

One word, and the magnitude of what I’d lost hit me square in the chest. A single tear tumbled down my cheek, it’s taste bitter when it reached the corner of my mouth. Staring at him, I took in the sorry sight before me. His black wool coat was buttoned to his neck, and day-old jeans hung from his frame. Gaunt features and red eyes implored me to listen.

He was as broken as I.

Far too soon a second tear followed.... then another, and another. I watched as he fell in front of me, resignation sinking in like his knees sank into the gravel. He let out a sob that pierced my very soul.

There was no turning back, no remedy for us.

Closing the distance, I crouched and met him at eye level, my mouth close to his ear. “I love you,” I said, because it was the truth, and if he didn’t know before, then he needed to know now. Reaching out, I laid my palm against his cheek, and as he leaned into my hand, he closed his eyes. “Know I love you,” I said again.

I stood. Walked away.

Left him behind.

Left my love behind, my heart scattering on the wind like the leaves in autumn as they fell to their certain death, then withered and decayed. A second thought as they were crushed under heavy boots and cold frosts.