Eloise

I’m sitting on the perfect couch in my parents’ living room. My Kindle is on the couch beside me. Reading about people falling in love doesn’t help when you’ve had your heart ripped out. It’s Saturday, and it’s been exactly a week since Gabe left. My heart aches like he left this morning.

I still send him a text message every morning, telling him how much I miss him but he’s never replied.

Sophie went to my apartment yesterday and brought my car here to my parents’ house for me. But I still haven’t worked up the energy or desire to go outside, or go back to my apartment. And I definitely haven’t found the willpower to go to work.

Both of my parents have been super supportive, and haven’t pressured me to go to work at all.

My mom told me the whole story about Gabe’s mom and even showed me the rose tattoo I never knew she had. I wish one of them had told me about it before the dinner, but I’m past being angry at either of them now.

It doesn’t even seem like my mother was totally responsible for Gabe’s mom’s death. I mean, she couldn’t do much if she didn’t know all the symptoms. I don’t know why they both insist on blaming her. She must stop blaming herself.

My hands fidget with the folds of my skirt. Even though Sophie tried her best to get me to do something to take my mind off things, I haven’t been outside in a week.

But now, at almost 165 hours since I last saw Gabe, I feel the overwhelming need for fresh air.

“I’m going for a drive,” I call out.

Both my father and Sophie are home but I don’t know if either of them hears me.

I grab my car keys from the floral plate beside the front door and leave the house. It’s late afternoon but the warmth from the sun beams on my face, and I pause to enjoy the feeling before I get in my Ford Focus.

Pulling the car from the driveway, I realize I have nowhere to go. I could go to my apartment, but it’s empty and hollow without anyone there.

Instead, I open the window and drive aimlessly around the city. Before I know it, I’m near Incredible Ink. A glance at the dashboard clock shows me they’re still open for another ten or fifteen minutes.

I drive past, craning my head at it. My heart pounds in my chest. There’s a car in the parking lot but I don’t recognize it. Why would I, they have lots of customers.

Somehow I’ve turned the car around, and am driving past it in the other direction. My body trembles just knowing how close I am to Gabe.

I can’t help myself. This time I knowingly turn the car around and pull straight into the parking lot.

I’m shaking more than I was the first time I came here but I have to see him.

I have to.

After turning off the car, I sit for a second and look at the Incredible Ink sign. I don’t know what comes over me, either the memory of the first time I came here or wishful thinking on my part, but I slip off my panties and drop them on the floor in the passenger seat footwell.

My breathing is rapid and I try to calm it.

Gabe probably won’t even want to see me, but if I can just get him to talk to me, we can work something out. Even if that something is only meaningless sex.

His partner, Ryan, appears at the doorway, and looks like he’s locking the door. Adrenaline courses through me, and I jump out of the car.

Running to the door, I yank on the handle, but it’s locked. With both my fists, I bang on the door.

Through the glass, I can see both Gabe and Ryan standing near the entrance to the back room. They look in my direction, and look away again, saying something to each other.

Ryan walks toward the door and says, “We’re closed.”

I don’t see him, my eyes are fixed on Gabe. He’s turned sideways to me, his head angled down at the floor.

“Look at me,” I yell.

Ryan’s at the door now, and says, “He wants you leave.”

“I’m not leaving,” I yell as loud as I can.

Gabe’s shoulders hunch more, but his feet stay firm.

“Let me in,” I scream, losing all control of my voice.

“I’m outta here,” Ryan says, and walks to the back room. I hope he’s leaving through the back exit.

Gabe jams his hands into his hair. My heart is racing but I won’t stop now. Just seeing him has ignited me.

I pound on the door again. Gabe drops his hands to his sides and slowly walks to the door. As he nears, his face becomes clear. His normal bright eyes are dull, and his jaw is tight.

He rests his fingers on the door handle.

“What are you doing here?” he asks through the window without looking at me.

“I want a tattoo,” I blurt without thinking.

He sighs, and says, “We’re closed.”

“So what? I know you do after-hours clients.”

Our eyes meet, and a shock of sorrow hits me. I raise my hand, and press it against the glass. He’s so close, but I can’t touch him. My eyes plead with him to open the door.

“You don’t want a tattoo, Eloise.”

“I do. I want one of those flowers, like you drew on me. How else am I supposed to deal with this? At least that way I’ll always have part of you with me.”

Gabe shakes his head.

“I’ll go to Hell in a Needle if I have to,” I say desperately.

“No, you won’t.”

“Try me.”

He sighs, unlocks the door, and opens it.

“Don’t do that,” he says, standing in the doorway.

I duck under his arm, and march straight to the chair and his station. I sit in the chair and force myself to breathe. Gabe locks the door and drags his feet over the floor as he walks to me.

As he reaches me, I pull up my skirt.

“I want it right here,” I say, tracing my finger along my thigh.

Gabe sighs, and sits on his stool. His hands rest on his thighs, and I realize how red and swollen they are. His eyes follow mine.

“Do you want me to look at them? I can make them feel better.”

“No, they’re fine,” he says, and moves them behind his back. “I only give tattoos to people I definitely know want them. They’re permanent. You have to be sure.”

“I am sure, I’m sure about everything about you.” My voice waivers.

“Eloise, don’t.”

My heart sinks. If he’d only talk about this we could figure out something. I know we could. My mother would support trying different solutions, she told me she would.

“We can work something out,” I say. “I would let you cover my body from head to toe if it meant having you in my life. We can have meaningless sex until the end of time if that’s what you need.”

“I said don’t.”

Gabe suddenly stands, and places a hand on either side of my head on the headrest. Butterflies fill my body, and a bundle of nerves sits heavily in my gut. He’s so near, and his scent wraps around me like a hug, even if his arms don’t. I want to wrap my arms and legs around him.

Instead I say, “Let’s talk about it.”

“I don’t want to talk about it now.”

He leans into me, and crushes his mouth against mine.