Chapter 35

Leo

My chest heaves as Grace steps into the elevator. I want to go after her, to physically restrain her and drag her back into my apartment, but I know that won’t achieve anything. It would only make her angrier.

How could I have been so stupid? George always riles me up and makes me lose control of myself. Why did I ever have that conversation when Grace was around?

I stare blankly down the hall for several minutes, hoping that she changes her mind and is about to step out of the elevator again. When it becomes clear that she’s not coming back, I give up and drag myself back into my den.

Flopping onto the sofa, I stare up at the ceiling and dig the heels of my hands into my eyes.

Fucking George, all he’s ever done is cause me problems. I think I actually hate him. There was never any point in trying to rebuild our relationship. That implies we had a relationship in the first place, and we didn’t.

My only real family now is Grace and the baby. Which is fine by me, they’re all the family I need or want.

I resist looking at my watch. Though it seems like forever has passed, Grace only just left. She needs time to think. But even if she does forgive me, is she going to spend her entire life thinking what I said to George was true?

The idea is ripping me apart inside.

Maybe I should at least send her a message. My phone lies abandoned on the floor. Reluctantly I expose my eyes to the daylight again and pick up the phone.

I miss you already. If you need any money, let me know.

After hitting send, I stare at the screen, willing her to text me back. Nothing. I’m not surprised.

I stretch back on the sofa and think of last night. She loved the giraffes. Doesn’t that prove to her how I really feel? And afterwards, the way I made her tremble in my arms should be everything she needs to know about why we belong together.

My phone beeps and I jolt up but it’s only a message from one of my vice presidents. Work is the last thing I’m going to think about right now and I toss the phone onto the cushion beside me.

Instead, I let memories of Grace fill my head until I realize I’m actually crying over how badly I fucked up. The last, and only, time I cried was at my mother’s funeral.

Images of Grace fill my head and her laugh sounds in my ears. Even though it was a sad circumstance, the time spent at her sister’s house was the happiest I’ve ever been.

The whole experience was further proof that I need to get away from the pressures of New York City. My child will grow up without being burdened by this lifestyle.

Grace and I talked about the best place to raise a family during the night in the motel. At that point we’d decided on Vermont or Maine but now I’m thinking Tennessee might be the best option.

Charity and her children are great, and it would be nice to be near family. Although I’m not sure I’d want to live in that town. And we’d have to be near good schools because I don’t want to send my children to boarding school.

I want to see them every day.

The longer I think about Grace and the future, the more worried I get. My stomach is in knots. What if she doesn’t come back?

The temptation is too much to resist, and I pick up my phone and tap out another text.

I understand that you need time. Let’s talk as soon as possible. Please.

My thumb hovers over the send button. I sound needy. I am needy, but I don’t want to come across that way. Especially since she’s only been gone an hour. Is an hour too soon to try to phone?

Fuck it. Who cares how I come across, as long as she comes back. I press send. Once again I stare at my screen, waiting in vain for a reply.

Eventually I set down the phone and wonder what to do now. I should’ve chased after her. I never should’ve let her leave the apartment.

I definitely shouldn’t have called George.

A dozen more things I shouldn’t have done play through my head on repeat but no matter how much I beat myself up nothing changes. Grace doesn’t call.

My stomach is still churning with knots but I’m struggling to think of anything to do and sneak into the kitchen without my staff noticing. I grab a fresh apricot danish and another cup of coffee and slink back to my den.

The phone lays on the couch, taunting me with its black screen. No new text messages. No missed phone calls in the few minutes it took to get to the kitchen and back.

Fuck it. I can’t wait any longer. I snatch up the phone and call Grace.

My heart hammers against my ribs as it rings.

Please Grace, pick up, I chant silently to myself. It goes to voicemail. For some reason I’m caught off guard, and breathe into the phone instead of saying anything. I don’t know what to say. Shaking my head, I press end call.

And call back again. And then a third time.

She needs longer to think. But what is she thinking about? She either believes me or she doesn’t. She can either forgive me or not. How long is that going to take?

Sighing, I click on the TV in an attempt to distract myself. It’s impossible to watch anything, instead I flick through the channels while thinking about Grace.

Where did she go? Is she safe?

Now I’m overcome with fear for her safety. She doesn’t know New York City at all and I have no idea how much money she has access to, but I don’t think it’s much.

Somehow, I get sucked into an old World War II movie. When it ends, I’m relieved when I realize an hour has passed and skip through the rest of the channels, looking for another movie to distract myself with.

Partway through watching another movie, I get really agitated and don’t know what to do with myself. Grace still hasn’t texted or called. What if she doesn’t come back today? Or even worse, tonight?

I’m hesitant to drown my sorrows in a bottle. The last thing I want is to be anything like George. But I have to do something to get through the rest of the day.

I decide to get in my Lamborghini and go for a drive. I pass traffic light after traffic light, searching for a glimpse of Grace until I run out of lights and I’m on the highway and pushing my foot down. No matter how fast I go, I can’t escape the self hatred that’s consuming me.