Chapter 33

“You want our marriage to end? That’s what you want?”

Was that what I want? My brain said yes. I nodded.

“In that case, I’ve had my lawyers prepare the document. We’ll have to go through the six-month waiting period, but it’s all very straightforward.” He opened the folder. “Sign and date where the blue plastic arrows are and initial beside the yellow ones.”

He laid the folder out in front of me and held out a pen for me to take. My leg jiggled under the table. But I had to go through with this. I had to. I didn’t want to be the world’s biggest sucker. An object of ridicule. I’d go home and watch movies. That was all I needed.

I flicked the folder up and rested it on the edge of the table as I read it. I had no idea what to expect. I’d never seen divorce papers before.

“This is my final offer.”

The start was practical issues, our names, addresses. I got down to the details.

“What?” I said, confused.

Jay remained quiet and I read the words over and over.

ARTICLE III

3.2 Personal Property: Abigail McAllister is to be the sole beneficiary of the estate, including but not limited to clothing, fixtures, cars, watercraft, aircraft, deposit accounts, bonds, shares, corporations and those items in each party’s possession shall be deemed their sole property.

3.3 James McAllister will sign a quit claim deed to Abigail McAllister for one hundred percent of his existing interest in his residence and Force McAllister within 30 days of judgement being entered.

“What’s this supposed to mean?” My voice was a mix of wonder and doubt.

“There’s only one thing in life I want. And if I can’t have her, then I at least want her to have the best life possible. Don’t worry, I’ll stay on as chairman and CEO so there’s no disruption to the business. You won’t have to worry. I can even train you to take over from me. You’re more than capable. You have one of the best business brains I know.”

Too bad I didn’t have the same brains when it comes to relationships.

“Why are you doing this?”

“You deserve it after what Matt and I did. It’s my final offer of settlement. You can take me to court if you want, but think how a judge would react to your demand for less than I’m offering.”

Through his sorrow, I got a small glimpse of his normal self-confidence, the confidence I first fell in love with. Was still in love with. He was right. There was no way in hell I ever would have gone on a date with him if I’d known who he was.

“You can’t do this.”

Jay pursed his lips and nodded, his eyes not reaching mine.

How could I sign this? I wasn’t about to take away everything he’d worked so hard for. I couldn’t hurt him that much.

“Why not?”

“Because. You’d be giving up everything you’ve worked so hard for.”

“I wouldn’t be giving it up. I’d be giving control of it to you. There’s a big difference. I couldn’t think of anything I’d rather do with it all. Alone, it means nothing to me and would only highlight your absence. I couldn’t bear it. If you weren’t in my life, at least if you owned the company I’d have motivation to keep running it.”

I closed my eyes.

Jay looked broken. Even his voice had lost its power. How could I hurt him? I loved him too much. My head a mess, I leaned back in my chair, my arms flopping to my sides.

“Tell me about your mother.” My heart pounded but I had to ask, it was something I’d been wondering about. How did one mother produce such different men? One was a cheat, was the other? Or was he what he seemed, a loving, generous man with a big heart? I opened my eyes to watch him.

“My father died after falling off a horse when I was a baby.” He cleared his throat, and then cleared it again. “My mother remarried not too long after when I was still young to Matt’s father, Johnny. After Matt was born, I was nothing to them. Especially to Johnny. I didn’t understand why when I was a kid. I tried everything to make them like me, to approve of me or praise me. When I was a teenager, I found out he wasn’t my real father.”

This time it was me putting my hands on Jay’s. Clasping them. Trying to heal him.

He took a deep breath and carried on, “Johnny turned out to be a racetrack grifter. He taught Matt the ropes, to scam and cheat people for a living. It’s a good thing he didn’t treat me like his son, because I would’ve ended up the same way. Instead I vowed to make something of myself and get my mother out of the marriage.”

“Did you? Get her out?” My heart had broken for him. I wanted to embrace him, to take away his pain.

“No. She was blind to it. Instead I had a PI follow Johnny and gathered evidence against him. I turned the file over to the police. He’s in prison now.”

“Did she divorce him after that?”

“No.” Jay shook his head.

“Why?”

“According to her, Johnny’s the best thing that ever happened to her. The fact that he used up all my real father’s money on bad bets wasn’t an issue.”

“I can’t understand it.”

“Love makes people do stupid things.” Jay hung his head.

I squeezed his hands, heat coursing from them straight to my heart. And my mind.

“I thought you supported her?”

“I do. I send her ten grand every month.”

“Do you have a good relationship with her now?”

Jay sat back in his chair, his breathing heavy. He leaned forward again, his hands restless on the table.

“I swore I’d answer everything you asked today and not hold anything back. It’s, you know, something I’ve never talked about to anyone.”

This was what my mind needed to hear in its battle with my heart. I leaned forward and took hold of his hands, stilling them. I waited for him to continue.

“She only speaks to me when she wants more money to buy a new car or take an expensive vacation. She resents me for pressuring her to divorce Johnny. But the real reason she doesn’t like me is that I’ve tried so many times to convince her to help me turn Matt around and get him to live an honest life. She hates me for criticizing her baby. Matt can do no wrong.” He swallowed.

“And you can do no right?”

“Pretty much. My only use to her is as an ATM.”

“So stop giving her money.”

Jay looked up and met my eyes for the first time since he’d started talking about his mother.

“I can’t. She’s my mom.”

Matt used and hurt Jay even more than he’d used and hurt me. I couldn’t bear to hear the way his mother treated him. How could she not see what a horrible man Matt was? And what a kind, loving soul Jay had?

The genuineness of Jay’s words was too obvious to ignore. He wasn’t a liar or a cheat. Not by a long shot. Jay and Matt couldn’t be more different. They were nothing alike.

Jay sat before me, fully exposed. Why he kept himself hidden from me before was understandable. Maybe not ideal, but understandable. I would’ve run a mile in the other direction if I’d known who he was. Or rather, who he was related to.

My instinct was to shower him with my love. In all the time I’d known him, I don’t think I’d ever loved him more than I did at this moment. But.

“I don’t know if I can do this. I’m too gullible.” How could I forgive myself for my willingness to believe his lies, and Matt’s lies? To have to look at myself in the mirror and see nothing but a sucker.

“You’re not gullible, just a hopeless romantic.”

“Why did I ever think real life could be like the movies?”

“It doesn’t matter now. The past is the past. We have to live in the present.”

We sat in silence, each lost in our own thoughts, my hands still resting on his.

The past was the past, but I could learn from it. Learn not to make the same mistake again. Except what if my mistake was in judging Jay by his relationship to Matt? Guilt by association.

I may have been stupid to believe all Jay’s lies, but I was seeing through them to his core, and at heart he wasn’t a liar, he was trying to protect me. He loved me and now he was doing whatever he needed to keep from losing me. The biggest mistake I could ever make would be in walking away from him now. He needed me. I needed him.

I became aware of the stuffiness of the little room. Of the uncomfortably high temperature the heat between us had created.

I had to say it, I owed it to myself, and to him. I wiped the tears from my cheeks and broke the silence.

“Do you, um, want to get a coffee? It’s stuffy in here.” For the first time that week, my heart felt settled. My head was no longer fighting what it needed.

“You’re sure?” Jay asked, his voice vibrant.

Jay stood, taking my hand. I led him out of the room. Led him out of the building to the coffee shop on the corner. A new coffee shop, one neither of us had been in before.