What do you wear to a viewing? A super-secret viewing you haven’t even told your own family about? My heart sinks at the thought. I have questioned whether I should tell Bee, Jill, or Alistair. It scares me to imagine what Jill’s face might look like when I tell her that the life she has given me here is over. She’s the only family I have left and I’m abandoning her? It hurts to think about.
Then there’s Bee. I know I could have told her, but I think my main fear is being laughed at. Maybe I really don’t have what it takes to do this on my own. Maybe she already knows that and will just laugh in my face if I tell her. Maybe that’s the reason I haven’t told any of them.
I shake my head. Are these the doubts and fears Fin told me to ignore? It’s hard to shut them out right now.
The weather looked warm, albeit cloudy while I was working, so I think a long-sleeve white jersey top is suitable, isn’t it? I hope so because if I don’t leave now, I won’t get there on time. I wish I didn’t have to rush to get everything done. It doesn’t give me much time to mentally prepare myself for what’s about to happen.
My hand’s a little shaky as I turn the door handle of my room, mainly because I know I am about to tell the tiniest white lie… Who am I kidding? It’s a huge black one!
“Just going to pop to the shop. You guys want anything?” I call out into the living quarters, but no one answers. Good. No one heard my big fat lie.
I walk out the front door and close my eyes, taking a huge breath of fresh air to try and steady my nerves. When I open my eyes, I can’t help but smile as I spot him leaning against the wall of the guest house, turned away from me. I should have known he’d be here.
Fin turns around when he hears me shut the door. He smiles at me nervously.
“Fin?” I ask, buttoning up my black jacket.
“I thought you could use a second pair of eyes or, you know, moral support,” he blurts out, like he’s been rehearsing.
“Really?” I try to keep my voice steady and not let him know how much it means to me.
“Yeah. Besides, I can drive you there.” He holds up the car keys, shaking them.
We walk toward where he parked the van last night, but it isn’t there. Instead, he walks up to a bright blue Renault Megane. He opens the door and, smiling, motions me in.
I bite my lip and slowly slide in. Somehow, sitting in his car seems almost too personal. I look around for little clues as to who Finnley really is. There’s a tree-shaped air freshener hanging from the rearview mirror that says “BLACK ICE” across it. I wonder if he bought it simply because it was the name of an AC/DC album. I can’t see any food wrappers or drink bottles anywhere. Nothing to let me into his life a little bit. I try and hide my disappointment as he slides into the driver’s seat.
* * *
I silently step out of the car. I don’t think I could speak right now even if I wanted to. I move toward the building, seeing the For Sale sign at the end of the little drive. I’m shaking just looking at the place.
It’s weird being confronted with your lifelong dream. I look up at this huge, three storey, cream coloured building with its white-smeared windows. In a few minutes, I could fall for this place and want to make it mine. This could be the building that changes my life. In the advertisement, it says it has eight rooms, same as The Driftwood. From the end of the drive, the buildings actually look a bit alike.
I feel Fin's warm hand slide into mine, so I turn to look at him. He gives me a reassuring smile. I am so glad he’s here right now. I see a brunette lady standing walk out on the porch, waving.
“Are you ready?” he asks. I sigh. Will I ever really be ready for this?
“Ready as I’m ever going to get.” I start up the drive.
“Hi. You must be Alexis. My name is Anna,” the woman says, holding her clipboard to her chest with one hand, thrusting the other one out to me. As shocked and stunned as I am about the whole situation, the manners Jill has taught me naturally take over.
“I am. Nice to meet you.” I shake her hand. She looks at Fin. “Oh, sorry. This is...”
I pause as Fin's eyes meet mine. He smiles. I can’t say he’s just a friend. I know she’s already noticed him holding my hand. I can’t introduce him as my holiday romance, either. My fling for the week? I give in and say what Fin already knows I’m going to say.
“This is my boyfriend, Fin.”
Fin reaches out to shake Anna's hand. He looks at me with a smile before shoving his hand back into his jacket pocket.
“Let’s get started then.” She beams, but I’m still stuck on my boyfriend comment. It felt way too good. I’ve never called a guy my boyfriend before… Well, not since I was twelve, but that really doesn’t count. The heart-breaking thing is, judging by the smile on his face, I think Fin liked the way it sounded, too.
As soon as she opens the front door, a stained-glass rose in the tiny window, my thoughts about Fin leave my mind. This place looks just like The Driftwood, but in reverse. The living quarter’s door is on the left instead of the right, and the lounge and bar are on the right instead of the left. The stairs run up the back of the lobby. The whole place has matching magnolia walls with white skirting board, which looks newly painted. I walk into the lounge. I want to have a good look at the heart of any B&B. It’s empty. No alcohol in the optic, no tables and chairs, a dusty grey carpet. That’s okay. I’d want to pick out all those things myself anyway.
Fin squeezes my hand, obviously noticing how similar to The Driftwood this place is.
“So… What would you like to see first? The rooms or the living quarters?” Anna asks.
“Rooms, please.” I smile. She leads the way up the staircase in front of us.
* * *
Once the tour is over, Anna hands me all the paperwork, just in case I want to put in an offer. Fin, who I’m sure can see I’m a little overwhelmed, takes them from me. We thank Anna and walk down the drive.
I’m in a state of shock. That place was perfect. I wasn’t expecting it. Now what? The pull of wanting that building almost outweighs the pain of leaving Jill. It’s a weird sensation. The thought of someone else putting an offer on the building is horrifying, but so is the thought of me leaving The Driftwood, telling Jill... My heart breaks at the thought. This is the strangest feeling in the world.
Wait… Why am I staring down at water?
We’re leaning over the wall, looking down at the sea. I watch as the water crashes up against it. I finally turn to look at Fin next to me. I snap myself out of my daze. I think he's been watching my face this whole time, waiting.
“How are you feeling?” he asks softly.
I shrug. “I don’t know. I have so many emotions running through me, I can’t pinpoint just one.”
“You loved the place, didn’t you?” I nod. “And that confuses you.”
“Yeah, it does.”
“You feel like you’re somehow betraying your aunt if you let yourself love this place.”
I couldn’t have put it better myself.
“Yeah. I wasn’t planning to fall in love with the first building I went to see, but that’s exactly what I did.”
He nods. “That’s great, though. Just keep your options open, view some others.”
His words trigger a memory.
“Oh god! I have another viewing tomorrow at the same time. Will you come with me again?” I realise I’m begging, but I don’t care, I need him there.
“Of course.” He puts his arm around my shoulders, pulling my forehead to his lips.