Driftwood: sometimes following you dreams means breaking your heart (The Driftwood series Book 1) by Claire Gough (9)

I'm in a dress!

I feel so ridiculous. However, I must admit, it is nice to dress up. I never make this sort of effort with the guys Bee sets me up with. That’s usually because she only sets me up because she fancies the guy’s friend.

I run my hands over the tight white dress with blue flowers all over it, trying to imagine what Fin might be wearing…if he sees this as a date like I do.

He made me promise to meet him in the lobby at seven. It is now exactly seven, so the question is do I make him wait? Make him panic? That’s what Bee would do.

I look at myself in the mirror one last time. My long blonde hair is loosely curled. I add some lip gloss and check my makeup again. I’m not used to dressing up. I usually stick to jeans and Converse. If the guy doesn’t like me in my comfy clothes, there’s no point, is there? Fin has already seen me in my normal clothes and work clothes. This is supposed to be a celebratory dinner anyway. That’s reason enough to get dressed up, isn’t it? I spray on some perfume and check the clock, hoping I’ve wasted at least ten minutes. 7.02pm.

Great.

I give up. I slide my bag on my shoulder and make my way out of the room, hoping to avoid my aunt. I tiptoe up the stairs, trying to keep my blue heels from hitting the wooden steps.

I open the door to see him standing there, leaning against the wall. As I hold the doorknob in my hand, I momentarily forget everything, including my own name!

He hasn’t smiled yet. Instead, he's wearing an expression probably similar to the one I must be wearing right now. Total amazement. He’s wearing black jeans, a long-sleeve cream shirt, with the sleeves rolled up to the elbows and the top few buttons undone, and black boots. Seeing a little of his chest makes his comment from the beach play back in my mind.

If you want to see me take off my top, you only have to ask, Alex.

Right now, I really want to ask. I have never been so attracted to a guy in my life.

I want to know what’s under that cream shirt that hugs him in all the right places. I gulp. Looking into his eyes, I see him taking me in, a look of awe on his face.

I shake my head, remembering where I am. It all starts filtering back to me as soon as I take my eyes of him. I shut the door quietly behind me. I'll text Alistair once we leave, telling him to tell Jill where I’ve gone, but maybe not tell them who I’m with.

I turn back to see he’s moved closer, his eyes still on me. Looking at me like that starts to raise my body temperature. I swallow hard as he takes the last step to me, forcing me up against the wall. He slides his hand under my hair at the back of my neck and touches his lips to mine. They are soft and gentle at first, but it’s not long before his kiss deepens, his lips moving with purpose. My hands do what they have wanted to do since I first set eyes on him in that shirt—explore his body, starting at his shoulders. They are tense, his one hand now resting on the wall next to my head. My hands slowly travel down his chest, making me groan as I feel every inch of his toned body.

When my hands reach his jeans, I hook my index fingers into the waistband and pull, forcing his body against mine. I feel every part of his body, and I mean every part. He groans.

All too quickly, he rips his lips away from mine. He turns away from me, scratching the back of his head. All I can do is pant and watch the muscles in his back tense. I see his shoulders rise and fall as he takes a few deep breaths before he turns to face me again.

“Emergency stop,” he says in a rough voice.

I want to tell him there is no way I would have allowed it to go any further where anybody could easily walk in on us, but can I say that right now? Not if I allow my hands to trail over his body like that again. I want to stick to my rules, but he’s so damn sexy. I’ve never wanted a guy the way I want Fin right now!

But as much as I want him, I still can’t let go of the fact that, even as lovely as he has been, it could all be a big joke with his mates. Shagging the girl who runs the B&B. That would be a huge laugh, right?

No, I won’t break my rules…even if I hate my stupid, sodding rules!

“So, do you know where we’re going?” he finally asks, holding out his hand. As soon as I take it, I know I want to break rule two again. His skin on mine does something to me.

God, I want him!

“Y-Yes, I do,” I stutter.

I let Fin pull me outside. I welcome the fresh air. It makes me feel a little more stable. Fin leads me to the white van I saw Brad driving on Friday night.

“We’re taking the van?” I ask with way too much excitement. I sound like a groupie… I feel like a groupie!

He smiles down at me. “Yeah. That okay? I lent my car to Brad to take Bee on a date.”

I nod. I know Bee wouldn’t like being taken out in the van, whereas I’m actually looking forward to it.

We drive with the windows open a little, the wind the only noise. I know my hair is probably blowing around, but I’m still trying to cool down after our little episode in the hall. His kiss still lingers on my lips. Every now and then, I give him directions, but that’s it.

“Alex, I’m sorry for what happened back there.”

I’m taken aback. How can he apologise for that? For making my knees go weak and raising my body temperature so much, I’m still trying to cool down?

“But you in that dress…” He shakes his head and smirks, blowing out a breath.

“Don’t apologise, Fin. There were two of us there.”

He nods, still smirking. “You look amazing, by the way.” His eyes stay on the road. I think maybe it’s easier for him to say without looking at me.

“So do you.” My eyes wander to the open buttons of his shirt again. I can’t keep doing that or I’ll drive myself crazy.

After our twenty minute drive, Fin pulls the van into a car park near the seafront in St. Anne’s. He looks at me as he kills the engine.

“Stay there,” he instructs.

I frown and watch as he climbs out of the van and walks around the front. I take the opportunity to quickly text Alistair and tell him I'm out with Bee and not to wait up. Fin opens my door as I shove my phone back into my tiny little bag. He takes my hand and helps me out, staring at me as I pull my dress back into an acceptable position.

“There isn’t any chance this is where Bee took Brad tonight, is there?” he asks as he intertwines our fingers.

“Not a chance. Bee has expensive taste.”

“And you don’t?” We start walking toward the door of the pub.

I shake my head. “No. I guess you could say I like the simple things in life.” I smile at him.

He stops walking, pulling on my hand. I wobble on my heels, luckily landing in the safety of his arms.

“Are you sure this is where you want to be right now?” he asks softly.

I look up into his eyes. I wouldn’t want to be anywhere else. I manage to regain my thoughts and my balance and drag him to the door of the Toby Carvery at Salters Wharf. I love it here.

“This is where I spent my twenty-first birthday,” I inform him. He raises his eyebrows in shock.

“You didn’t have a huge party with a lot of booze and friends?”

“Bee is really the only friend I have, so I just wanted a quiet meal with her, Jill, and Alistair. Of course, they had balloons, cake, and all that fuss.” I shake my head as we walk up to the desk and wait to be seated. He looks at me, like he wants to know the rest of the story. Luckily, a lady with a black apron on and a name badge that says “Bernie” strides up and leads us to a quiet booth for two.

She takes our drink order and quickly runs off the get our diet Cokes. We sit in silence as we wait. Fin is still frowning a little, making me think maybe this wasn’t a good idea. Maybe he expected something fancier. I open my mouth to ask him if he’s okay when Bernie reappears, placing our two drinks on the table.

“When you’re ready, go and help yourselves to the carvery.” She smiles and walks away.

“I can’t believe you brought me here,” Fin says, leaning across the table.

I freeze, my glass halfway to my lips. “Why?”

“This place has memories for.” He shakes his head in disbelief.

I shrug. “Well, you wanted to get to know me.” I sip my Coke. I can’t help but feel I’m not learning much about him, though.

“I do. I didn’t think you’d let me, though.” He smiles.

I nod, scooting my chair back. “Come on. Let’s eat.”

I wonder how long it’s acceptable to sit at the table, talking and drinking after a meal. It’s been forty minutes since we finished eating.

“Are you more excited or scared?” he asks.

“Each time I think about it, it changes. Right now, I’d say scared.”

He finishes his pint. I take a sip of the glass of red wine sitting in front of me, which he convinced me to get. I’m glad I did because I now feel like I’m celebrating something.

“Are you scared it’s going to be a dive?” He gives me a playful smile.

I smirk. “I think I’m more scared that I’m going to love the place.”

He frowns. “Wouldn’t it be worse to hate it?”

I shake my head. “No. If I fall in love with it, I might put an offer in, essentially ending my life with Jill.”

“Jill is your family. I understand you’ve lost so much already, but it won’t be all that different once you get settled into your own routine. Yes, the initial move will sting a bit, but you know it will be worth it, Alex. You’ll adjust. This is your dream. You can’t sit on it forever. You’d only regret it, resenting yourself and Jill for not even trying.”

“I don’t have a lot in life, which I’m okay with. I guess I’m just scared I’m going to lose what little I do have.”

“Your aunt loves you and wants you to be happy. That’s all anyone who cares for you wants, so don’t let that nagging feeling hold you back.”

I stare at him a moment, cocking my head. “Fin, how old are you?”

He blinks at the change of subject. “Twenty-eight... Is that okay?”

“Of course. You just seem so…wise sometimes.

He shrugs. “I guess I’ve just been through some shit in life, that’s all.” He gives me a small smile. “Are you about ready?”

I take the last sip of wine. “Sure.” I slide out of the booth.

We walk to the van in silence and he starts the engine. I’d love to know what goes on in Fin’s head when he’s silent. I think he hides a lot.

He reaches across me to press play on the stereo. “Here. Listen to this,” he says.

“What is it?” All I can hear is static and some talking.

“Well, you’ve shared something with me tonight, so I’m sharing this with you. This is The Dukes.” He smiles proudly. “The guys don’t know I have this. I recorded it on my phone. They would kill me if they knew I put it on a CD.”

Fin drives as I listen to Cole’s voice filtering through the speakers. I turn up the volume a bit more to hear the lyrics I know Fin wrote.

I have so many questions I want to ask, but I don’t know where to start. Is it about an ex? Maybe he was married? Is that what he doesn’t seem to want to tell me? Would I want to know? I pick a safe question.

“Why is it a secret?”

He grins. “We scrapped that song. The guys didn’t want it put out...but I guess it still means something to me. I talked them into playing it once more. I recorded it on my phone and copied it to a CD.”

I nod. I love the fact that his lyrics mean so much to him, and that he loved them enough to sneakily record them.

“What was the title?” I ask, looking at his profile.

“‘Where I Belong’.” He gives me a sweet, sad smile.

“Thank you for sharing that, Finnley,” I say in a soft voice. Honestly, I’m still reeling from the fact he actually let me in. He let me see a part of him. I was worried he’d never do that.

He smiles. “You’re welcome.”

We pull up behind The Driftwood. It’s the only place left to park this time of night. Fin shuts off the engine, but doesn’t move.

“God, Alex, I am so lost.” He runs his hands down his face, then sighs. He laughs sadly, his eyes still showing pain. He doesn’t look at me, though, staring out the windscreen.

“No, you’re not, Fin,” I whisper.

He turns to face me. I don’t know how, but I know he's right where he's meant to be…and so am I.

“I feel it.”

The pain I see in his eyes is palpable. Why? The song? His job? Maybe it’s the thought of relying on Brad to support him in the coming months if he gets fired. I don’t care why the pain is there. I just know I need to help ease it.

“Fin, what’s going on in here?” I ask, tapping his head gently. His eyes momentarily close under my touch.

“We’ve had such a lovely night, I don’t want to spoil it.”

“Okay.” I feel a little lost myself. He smiles a soft smile, but it doesn’t reach his eyes.

I do the only thing I know to stop him from feeling pain. I cover his mouth with mine. He’s a little taken aback, but so am I! All I know is our connection can block out whatever pain he’s feeling. It’s worked for me the past few days.

His arms slowly slide around me, pulling me closer. His stubble scratches my cheeks. God, I didn’t realise how much I needed this right now. I don’t know whether that’s comforting or scary, but I don’t care.

I hitch my dress up and place one knee on either side of him, straddling his lap. I push one hand against the roof, just to make sure I don’t hit my head on it, and my other hand grasps the back of his head. I feel the heat coming off his body as his lips move fiercely against mine. He grips my waist tightly. I groan as his fingers dig into my skin, trying to pull my body closer. If I were any closer, he'd be inside me right now.

Fuck! I wish he were!

One of his hands grips my back, while the other moves to my thigh and slides up, under my dress, higher and higher…

God, I can’t breathe!

He pulls away, panting. “Alex…” He rests his head against the back of the seat, his eyes still closed. Breathlessly, I stare at his face. His hands land back on my waist, holding me there as we both try to get our breathing under control.

“Emergency stop?” I ask, climbing off him to sit in my seat, pulling my dress back down to where it should be.

“Yeah, just a little bit,” he says, still panting. He turns to face me. We just look at each other for a long moment.

“We should go in.”

I hate myself for calling an end to our night, but after that kiss, I need about four cold showers. Plus, I have to work in the morning.

He smiles. “Yeah, I guess we should.”

He slides out of the van and slowly walks around the front to open my door for me. Hand in hand, we walk to the front door. He stops me before I can turn the door handle.

“Alex, once we get back in there, I know you’ll start questioning everything about tonight. Before that happens…” He leans down to kiss me, but it is nothing like the urgent kiss back in the van. This is sweet, soft. He pulls back. “Thank you for tonight,” he whispers. I want to say something, but I’m not sure I can. “See you in the morning.”

He opens the door for me. I make my way in and pause at the door that leads to our living area. I hate leaving the night here, but I know I don’t have much choice. It’s 10:45pm. I have work in the morning, then the viewing that I almost forgot about thanks to his lips. I watch him walk to the stairs.

“Good night, Alexis. Sweet dreams,” he says with a smile, then takes the stairs to his room. I watch, wishing I were following him.