I quickly shut the drawer to my desk and rush across my room as the door slowly opens.
“It’s only me.” Aunt Jill walks in.
I instantly feel my heart crack and speed up all at once. I’m in a panic and don’t know why… Okay, maybe it’s the estate agent forms I’ve just hidden in my drawer that are putting me on edge.
“The Irish one is asking for you.” She smiles. Part of me wants to hate Fin for asking Jill to come get me, but I think she already knows what’s been going on with us. She has secret powers. I’m sure of it.
I laugh. “You mean Fin?” I know she knows his name is Fin, but I also know she hates nicknames and doesn’t want to use it.
“Yes, that’s him. He just wants a word.” Smiling, she walks out of my room.
I just saw Fin at breakfast, so I have no idea what he wants, but I don’t care. My heart is already beating at full speed at just the thought of him wanting to see me again. I only came back to my room to double check the forms I filled out late last night so I could hand them in later... Maybe.
I only filled them out because my mind wouldn’t let me sleep until I did.
I stick my head out the living quarter’s door, seeing him standing there. “Hey.”
“Hey. I tried calling your phone, but I couldn’t get through. I hope it’s okay I asked your aunt to get you.”
I nod. “Yeah. Living underground can be hit-and-miss for phone reception.”
“What time’s your viewing?”
I lean on the door to make sure Jill can’t come through. “2:30pm. Are you still coming with me?”
He looks at his phone. I start to panic, afraid he's going to say he's busy. I don’t know if I can face a viewing without him there.
“Definitely. We’re heading into town to have a look around, but I’ll be back by 2:00pm. I promise.” He smiles.
“Town?” I rush on before I can change my mind. “Could you just wait here a moment?”
He nods. “Sure.”
I quickly run back down to my room. My hand shakes as I pull out the drawer that holds the papers for the place I saw yesterday.
I run back up the stairs with them clutched to my chest. Running through the door, I quickly thrust them at him. He scans the top one. His eyes turn intense as he looks up at me.
“Alex, are you serious? I mean, you still have a viewing today. Plus, I’m sure you can book more.”
I nod. “Yeah, I think I am. The thought of losing that place to someone else wouldn’t let me sleep last night. If I change my mind, I can just retract my offer.”
“If we weren’t in public right now, I’d kiss you.” He grins. I can hear Alistair in the lounge, talking to a few lingering guests as they finish their coffee.
“I kind of wish we were alone right now.” I fold my arms across my chest and smirk at him.
“Seriously, Alex. I am so proud of you.” He throws his arms around me, pulling me to him. It’s not quite as good as a kiss, but I’ll take it. I wrap my arms around him and take a deep breath.
“If you’re okay doing it, can you drop them at their office for me?” I ask. “I’ll direct you.”
He pulls back, grinning. “I’d be honoured. It’ll give me an excuse to ditch the guys for a few minutes.”
* * *
What little sun is in the sky stings my eyes as I look up at the building in front of me. Fin tightens his grip on my hand.
“What’s scaring you the most?” he asks, also looking up at it.
“That I’m going to love it. That I was stupid and naïve to think the pull I felt to the first place meant I should try for it. That maybe I’m going to love every place I find and won’t be able to choose.”
A black Mercedes pulls up across the road. An elderly man with a white moustache gets out and walks over to us, a clipboard tucked under his arm.
“Hello. You must be Alexis.” He reaches us, hand extended.
Despite my anxiety, I smile. “That’s me.” I grasp his hand.
“Nice to meet you. I’m Eric.” He looks at Fin.
“This is my boyfriend, Fin.” They shake hands.
“Let the tour begin.” He smiles excitedly and leads us up to the front door. There’s no stained glass rose in this window like there was in my building yesterday...
Wait… My building?
A strange sense of pride washes over me at thinking about it being my building. I love it.
Eric opens the plain oak door into the gloomy lobby. It takes up way too much space. I’d make the lobby smaller and the lounge a little bigger. Relief suddenly floods through me as I realise I don’t love this place. I’m not sure I even like it. Fin studies my face, rubbing the back of my hand with his thumb.
* * *
Stepping back out into the mild sunshine, I look at the sky then close my eyes, the warmth instantly soaking into my face. I start laughing. I have no clue why.
I pull Fin toward the sea. He smiles, watching my happy giggles as I walk backwards, pulling on both his hands.
“It’s nice to see you so happy,” he says.
I suddenly stop, making him bump into me. His smile drops.
“I am happy. I’m on top of the world right now.” I snake my arms around his neck, pulling his face to mine. I lean toward him, gently biting his bottom lip. He closes his eyes and groans. That starts a longing in the pit of my stomach. Maybe even a bit lower, too.
“God, Alex. You are asking for trouble right now.” He takes a deep breath, then slowly opens his eyes, his hands still resting on my hips.
“Sorry, but I’ve wanted to do that since the moment I met you.”
I can’t believe I just confessed that, but seeing your dreams starting to come true feels so damn good, and I’m glad I get to share it with him. His lips turn up into a slight smile
“Was I a bit too forceful?” I gently kiss his bottom lip. He closes his eyes and groans again, which is the sexiest sound I’ve ever heard. When my lips cover his, it’s my turn to moan as his fingers dig into my hips, pulling my body to his. I feel his lips turn into a smile. I quickly pull away from him and look into his golden eyes.
“Emergency stop,” I breathe out.
He nods. I slide my hand back into his and continue toward the sea. I take a deep breath, filling my lungs with fresh air.
“What are you going to call your place?” he asks as we lean on the wall looking out to the sea.
“I’ve had the name picked out for years, but you'll laugh at me.”
“Hey, this is your dream. I will most certainly not laugh at you.”
I look at him, taking a deep breath. “The Dukes Guest House.” He laughs, just as I predicted.
“Sorry. I’m not laughing at the name. I’m laughing at the fact you picked it out years ago, then we suddenly stepped into your life with the same name.” He shakes his head.
I bark out a laugh. “Huge coincidence.”
“Nah. I was meant to meet you, Alexis Duke.” He pulls me to him, wrapping his arms around me and kissing my head. I’d love to take his words as playfully as they sounded, but in this moment, I kind of believe him.
“I picked the name as a tribute to my parents.”
I feel him nod. We’re silent for a moment. I need a subject change.
“So, your lyrics last night…” I lift my head to look up at him. He seems nervous.
He swallows. “Yeah?”
“It turns out you’re really deep, Finnley.” I bump his shoulder playfully.
He smiles. “Thanks… I think.”
“Honestly, you have serious talent. There were some pretty painful lyrics going on, too.”
His smile slowly fades. “I guess that’s because I have a pretty painful past.”
He turns and leans back against the wall. I do the same, copying how he's standing. He takes a huge breath before turning to grin at me.
“Hey, how about we drive past your building, seeing as you’re in such a great mood.”
I know he’s changing the subject, but I don’t care. Seeing that building again was definitely on my to-do list today. He takes hold of my hand and leads me back to his car.
* * *
We drive around for longer than necessary. As much as I love just driving around with Fin, Thursday is the day I usually do paperwork.
I look over at him, his hair gleaming in the sun as it blows around thanks to our open windows. It’s easy to see why I’d rather be wasting my time with him, especially when I know that time is limited.
That’s a weird feeling for me. Ever since I can remember, I’ve always put the B&B ahead of everything. It wasn’t until I was twenty-one that I allowed Bee to drag me to my first club. That’s when I started dating, but guys soon gave up. I'd much rather study for my health and hygiene course, or study for my business course. Or I’d rather stay in to help look after guests. Wanting to leave the paperwork now, just to spend time with a guy is so strange.
I recognise the song that starts playing through the speakers. “Where I Belong” by The Dukes. The song is among some other slow, mellow songs, so it’s harder for anyone else to find, I guess. Fin turns to smile at me, like we’re both in on the same secret.
“Fin, if this song means so much to you, why don’t you put it to the guys once more?” I ask.
He shrugs. “There’s no point. Just because it means a lot to me doesn’t make it good.” I shake my head as he laughs at himself.
Once back at The Driftwood, we stand in the lobby. I hear Jill and Alistair in the bar area talking to a mother and daughter who come to stay with us every summer. I should go and say hello, but I can’t. I just stand here, not wanting to tell Fin I have paperwork to do.
“So, what do you have—” he starts, but stops when my phone starts ringing. I dig it out of my pocket and look at the screen, seeing Bee’s name. I smile at him as I answer.
“Hey, Bee. You okay?”
She laughs. “Of course. Just seeing if you need me.”
I frown. Why would I need her?
I hear her sigh when I don’t say anything. “Oh, my god. Has your brain completely frazzled? It’s Thursday. I usually run you to the cash and carry.”
I close my eyes, remembering. “Oh yes. Sorry.”
“So… Do you need me?”
“I haven’t actually had a chance to check yet.” I stare up at Fin, who smiles at me.
“You’ve been with him all day, haven’t you?” she asks. I can hear the excitement seeping into her voice.
I cringe. “Maybe.”
“Okay… Well, go see what you need. I’ll be there in thirty.” She laughs and hangs up.
“Sorry. With everything going on, I completely forgot it’s Thursday.” Fin looks at me, confused. “Bee usually runs me to the cash and carry every Thursday after work to stock up on things we need.”
“I’ll take you,” he replies quickly. I just stare at him blankly. He smiles, gesturing to my phone. “Ring her back and tell her I’ll take you.”
“Fin, you've hardly seen your friends today and that’s completely my fault.”
He sighs. “I thought I told you to let me worry about how I spend my time. I saw them this morning, and I’ll see them at our last gig tonight. Please, call Bee back and tell her you already have a ride.”
I stare into his eyes. My heart sinks. Last gig? I didn’t even know there was a gig tonight, let alone his last one.
I feel bad. Bee loves our Thursday trips. Plus, I haven’t really seen her much recently as I’ve been with Fin and she's been with Brad. I could really do with soaking up some of her carefree attitude right now.
Fin takes the phone out my hand, hits redial, and hands it back to me with a smile on his face.
* * *
Once I have the cash and carry member’s card in my hand, I walk out the front door and skip down the steps to Fin, who’s already in his car, waiting.
“Are you sure about this?” I say, shouting over the song playing rather loudly.
Fin turns it down. “Of course.” He smiles at me as I slide into the passenger seat.
“Which way do I go?” he asks, and I start directing him. It’s 5:00pm, so the sun is right in his eyes. He pulls out a pair of black sunglasses and puts them on.
Holy shit, he's gorgeous!
How can an accessory change his appearance so much? This is definitely one of the moments I want to stamp into my memory. His hair blowing in the wind. His elbow leaning out the window. Those gorgeous and full lips of his singing softly to the lyrics. His fingers tapping on the steering wheel. I feel tears sting my eyes. How do I prepare myself to lose this?
I know it’s stupid, but I do the only thing I can to make sure I never forget this moment, never forget him or the way he makes me feel. I take my phone out and take a photo of him. His lips turn into a smile, but he keeps his eyes on the road.
“Alex, did you just take a picture of me?”
“Pfft, no! Stop being big-headed.” I bite my lip, trying not to laugh.
“Yes, of course. Sorry.” He laughs and places his hand on my thigh, giving it a gentle squeeze. It’s something so small, yet so natural. I lace my fingers in his and hold his hand on my thigh. He bites his lip for a second, then smiles.
I watch Fin's face as he gets out of the car in the huge car park, then to collect our trolley. He seems fully excited about doing one of my weekly chores. I think this could be fun with Fin, but I think any chore would be fun with him.
I was right.
“This has never been so much fun before,” I say, putting the twenty-four packs of each flavour jam sachets into the trolley.
“Thanks… I think. If that’s true, I feel bad for Bee,” he laughs as he pushes the trolley, following me around.
“Okay, you can never tell her I said that.”
“I might have to. It’s bad to lie.” He grins.
“Then I just might have to get her to force your name out of Brad.”
“If I tell her you think she's no fun first, do you really think she'll do anything for you?”
I narrow my eyes at him. “You’re an evil genius, Finnley.”
“So I've been told.”
He walks around the trolley and puts his hands on my hips, pulling me to him. I wrap my arms around his neck, still holding napkins in one hand.
“You know, you’re sexy when you’re trying to blackmail me, Miss Duke,” he whispers.
I giggle. “Then I should try it more often.”
“No,” he says quickly, his eyes searching my face. “You’re even sexier when you’re just being you.”
His words leave me breathless and I feel the blush spreading across my cheeks. “Sexy” is not something I’ve ever been called before. I’m always the “cute” one. I softly touch my lips to his, just enough to let him know how much his words mean to me.
When Fin pulls away, I smile. “Come on. Let’s get out of this place.”
* * *
I stand there, watching Fin carry the bags through the kitchen and into the utility area. Guests are not allowed back here. What’s worse is Jill saw me pull up with Fin and watched us walk into the kitchen. If she weren’t already a hundred percent certain which guy I had a crush on, she definitely knows now.
“Wow, so this is your lair?” Fin asks as he inspects the bright yellow kitchen.
“Yep. This is my bat cave.” I lean against the sink and cross my arms across my chest as he studies the room.
“Oh, my god. That’s your mom,” he states, staring at the picture on the windowsill.
It’s my third birthday and she’s holding me, trying to teach me how to blow bubbles. I don’t really remember that day, but Jill has told me I kept blowing raspberries at the stick, which kept breaking the bubble, making mom laugh every time. In the photo, her eyes are creased at the edges. She looks so happy and beautiful.
“Can I?” Fin asks, reaching toward the frame that has bits of coloured pasta stuck to it. It was a Mother’s Day project when I was in school. Bits of pasta are missing and peeling off it now, but I’ll never ever get rid of it. Mom loved it. She cried when I gave it to her.
When I nod, he picks up the frame. I miss both my parents every day, but right now, I wish I still had my mom here. I want to tell her about Fin, about this weird connection I feel for him, how it’s going to tear me apart when he leaves on Sunday.
“You were right, Alex. You have her eyes.” His voice is quiet and sad now. “What was her name?”
“Jayne,” I whisper.
He gives me a half-smile, but his eyes look sad. My own fill with tears. Seeing his pain for me when he's only known me a matter of days is too much to take.
“Well, Mrs. Duke, it’s nice to meet you.” His voice shakes a little. “You must be so proud of your daughter right now because I know I am. It’s been a pleasure getting to know her, so thank you for that.”
Tears start to spill from the corners of my eyes as I watch him have a conversation with my mom. He carefully places the frame back on the windowsill. He smiles at it one more time before turning back to me. I smile, despite the tears rolling down my cheeks and dripping off my chin.
He reaches out and pulls me to his chest. I let the tears fall as I grasp his shirt in my hands. He kisses my head and lets me cry. I’m crying for not having my parents here when I’m possibly facing the biggest decision of my life. I’m crying because I’m going to have to tell Jill and Alistair I’m moving on. I’m crying because, in just a few days, I’m going to have to say goodbye to the guy who held my hand through it all.
* * *
I hate this!
The more I stare at the computer, the more I’m winding myself up. Nothing makes sense to me. I know Fin has his last gig tonight and I can’t go unless I get this done, but the more I concentrate, the more the words on the screen start to swim around.
The computer is in a little cubbyhole in the lounge area. I'm reading emails about bookings and trying to allocate rooms. I'm also sorting out invoices and photocopying receipts for the whole week. It’s a nightmare.
I hear movement behind me.
“‘Together Again’...or maybe ‘Home’?”
I hear Cole talking as the guys walk into the bar. My heart sinks. I'm nowhere near finished and the guys are leaving for their gig.
I’m out of time.
I look up and smile at Cole, who smiles back at me for the first time since they walked in for breakfast on Saturday. Fin and Jay walk in behind him, then Brad. A smile spreads across Fin's face when he sees me. He walks up and kisses my cheek, then starts to rub my shoulders. Oh, my god. I didn’t realise how tense my body was until his hands massage the knots out of it.
“You’re not ready?” Fin asks, leaning over my shoulder and trying to read the screen, not that he’d understand it.
“Ready?” I ask, turning to look at him.
He straightens and frowns down at me. “You’re not coming to the gig?” I notice pain shoot across his face, although he tries not to let it show.
“Fin, you do realise you haven’t actually asked me to the gig, right?” I ask, cringing.
He rubs the back of his neck with his hand. The bottom of his green t-shirt lifts, revealing a little skin, and it’s right at my eye level. I wonder how inappropriate it would be to lean over and kiss that bit of skin. He puts his arm down and the top falls back into place.
Damn it.
“I just assumed…” He shrugs and crouches down next to me. “Please come, Alex.” He places his hands on mine.
I feel awful right now. I want to be there for him more than anything, but I can’t just give up my responsibilities. Once I finished my business course, I had to beg Jill to let me take over all the paperwork. I can’t just run off and leave it for a night out with Fin. I look at the computer, then back at Fin.
“It’s okay. Honestly. I'm sorry I didn’t ask you earlier. I just assumed.” He shakes his head and stands up.
“We ready?” Cole asks.
I turn back to face the computer, but if I couldn’t concentrate before, I really can’t concentrate now. I feel hollow inside, like I’ve just let him down.
“Alex, how do we get to the Dog and Duck?” Brad asks.
“Oh, right.” As I give the directions, he types them on his phone, then nods.
“Better get going then,” Cole says and starts toward the door. Fin looks at me, then at the door.
I jump up and walk up to him, sliding my arms around his waist and pulling him to me. “I’m so sorry I can’t be there tonight,” I mumble into his chest.
He kisses my head and rubs his hand down my back. “It’s okay, Alex. I know you have responsibilities. I honestly wouldn’t want you to give that up just for me.”
I pull away and look up at him. He’s staring down at me with those gorgeous golden eyes. I softly place my lips on his. He's shocked for a moment, then kisses me back. It’s a short one, but that’s all I need to do to let him know I meant what I said.
I watch him walk out the door. I run to the window and see him walking down the street, taking part of my heart with him.