Bee hasn’t stopped talking the whole time she's been here. She's repeatedly told me about her date with Brad—what she wore, what he wore, where he took her, what food she ordered. She also told me she invited him back to her flat and how I should subtract one night of the band’s bill as he stayed with her. To be honest, I’m not really listening. I’m just grateful she’s not quizzing me about my date with Fin.
“Heels or flats?” I ask, interrupting her, turning from my wardrobe to look at her.
“Um…” Bee pauses halfway through her story. “Well, what are you going to be wearing?”
I sigh loudly. I knew she wasn’t paying attention to me, either. I stand up and let her see I’m wearing skinny blue jeans with a grey off-the-shoulder blouse, silver sparkles around the neck.
“This!” I snap.
“Oh… Heels,” she says, then carries on with her story where she left off, like I never even spoke.
My mind isn’t exactly on the guys’ gig tonight. Not yet anyway. I’m sure once Fin takes his place behind his drum kit, any thoughts of the building I viewed will leave my mind.
Fin, Cole, and Jay are going to the venue to set up, meaning I’m the lucky person who gets to walk with Bee and Brad.
Yippee.
* * *
To say I’m happy when the venue comes into view is an understatement. I rush on ahead and let myself into the pub, holding the door open for the two lovebirds, who haven't taken their eyes or hands off each other the whole way here.
I breathe in the warm air of the pub and smile. That smell will always make me think of Fin. I look around. I see the familiar drum kit on stage, The Dukes written on it in white. My heart shoots into my throat, nearly choking me. It’s silly, but seeing that means he’s here and I’ll get to see him soon. The thought sets my heart racing.
There’s some loud music playing through the speakers. It has a heavy beat, which is all I can feel as I survey the room. I don’t want to look like I am searching for Fin, but I am. I don’t see him, though. Brad says something in Bee’s ear, then rushes toward the stage.
Bee slides her arm through mine and leans her head on my shoulder as she watches Brad disappear behind the blue curtain.
“How are you coping?” she shouts into my ear.
“Good, but I could use a drink.”
She smiles up at me and rubs her hand over mine. She knows me well enough to know I’m getting attached to Fin. If only she knew just how attached.
I send Bee off in search of a table because I can’t take her stare any longer. I told her to sit somewhere near the stage so we could see perfectly. I walk up to the bar and order a vodka, lemon, and lime and a large white wine. I contemplate ordering two of each. If the last time we watched the guys play is anything to go by, I went through a few drinks that night. I start to hand a ten-pound note to the bartender when a familiar hand grips my wrist, pulling it back. If I don’t know whose hand it is, my skin sure does. All the hair on my body stands on end as electricity radiates from my wrist.
I watch as Fin hands over a twenty-pound note, then turns to face me. I can’t believe how far we’ve come in a matter of days. Just Friday night, I didn’t want him to buy me a drink because I was scared where it would lead. Today, he came with me to view what could potentially be my new home and business.
He smiles at me, like he hasn’t seen me in a week. “Hey,” he says, grabbing Bee's wine off the bar as I take my vodka.
“Hey,” I reply, placing a soft kiss on his cheek. He sighs as my lips touch his skin, making me smile.
“We saved you a seat.” He motions for me to follow him, grabbing my hand in the process.
He stops at two tables to the right of the stage. Bee is in one chair, Brad perched next to her. If he gets any closer, he'd be sitting on her lap. Jay stares at the stage, as if nervous. Fin pulls out the chair for me, then sits down next to me. I see Cole on the other side of the room, talking to someone. It’s probably about tonight because he's nodding a lot and rubbing his hand down the stubble along his cheek and chin. Maybe it helps him think.
Fin's hand lands on my thigh, making me shiver. I look at his face as he sips his pint. I’m unsure if he knows he just sent my heartbeat through the roof. His eyes meet mine and he gives me that sexy sideways smile. I lean my head on his shoulder as he squeezes my thigh.
God, I’m glad we’re in public right now or there would be a serious risk of rule two getting broken.
I know Bee is staring at me, judging every move. She’s never seen me act like this with any guy before. I know she can tell just how much I’m drawn to him, but I couldn’t care less right now. When the announcer appears on stage, I know I'm about to lose Fin to the spotlight. He kisses my head and takes what’s left of his pint up to the stage with him.
Cole strides up to the mic. It fascinates me how he can just go up there and not only talk to a room full of total strangers, but sing in front of them, too. I could never do anything like that. He introduces the band again and thanks everyone for coming. They kick off with “Don’t Stop Believin’” by Journey, which is a crowd pleaser. Bee’s not a rock lover, but even she knows this one. I bite my lip as I transform into groupie mode. Fin’s wearing a black Thin Lizzy t-shirt tonight, his leather jacket on the back of the chair next to me.
The guys play two more covers before launching into some originals. Knowing Fin wrote the lyrics makes me listen more closely. This song they’re playing now isn’t exactly slow, but it’s not one of their faster ones, either.
“Everyone says home is where the heart is.
My heart follows you around, so you must be home.
If only you knew that day you made them my brothers.
So go ahead.
Keep your secret inside your bubble far away from the eye of others.”
It’s hard to make out every single word because we’re so close to the stage, the words through the speakers are distorted. I watch Cole’s lips and try to figure it out the best I can.
The song finishes. Without an introduction, the next one starts.
“I spent all those years searching to still end up empty-handed.
From your words, I was wounded.
I’m scarred.
I’m branded.”
I want to know what all these lyrics mean, but I doubt Fin will tell me. I listen to Cole, wondering what Fin would sound like singing.
After three of their own songs, Cole announces the next song is entitled “Home”. Fin's eyes snap up to meet mine. He looks nervous. He forces out a smile before he has to count the guys in. I listen even harder than I have been.
“Just because it’s out there to be found doesn’t mean it’s worth finding.”
I feel tears sting my eyes and a lump forms in my throat. Fin’s tattoo.
“Every painful hour that passed, I dreamt about seeing your face.
Hoping that once I saw you, you'd fill that empty space.
Now that I see you all too close, I can see you were just a waste.
Just because it’s out there to be found doesn’t mean it’s worth finding.
Just because it’s out there to be found doesn’t mean it’s worth finding.”
A single tear trickles down my face as I listen. It’s obvious there’s a lot of pain behind those words. I know Fin has some serious pain he's been hiding. Maybe that’s what I saw in the van last night.
When the song finishes, I wipe my cheek. Fin's eyes meet mine. I move my hand, giving him a small smile. I don’t want him to see how his lyrics affected me.
The Dukes do three more covers before finishing their set. Applause reverberates through the place. Bee and I stand up and clap as the guys make their way back to the table. Fin tucks his hands into his pockets as he gets closer. I can tell he saw me wipe that one tear from my face just by the way he's acting now. Almost guarded.
I slide my arms round his neck and pull him to me. He buries his head in my shoulder, his arms wrapping around my back. The rest of the guys are all on a high as Bee greets them, telling them what a great set they played and how gorgeous Brad looked on stage. I just stand there holding Fin to me, like I’m holding him together, like he might break if I let go.
He slowly pulls away from me, looking me in the eyes as he takes both my hands in his. He smiles, but it’s not a full smile. I know that song means a lot to him because of his tattoo, but I can see it on his face right now, too. Without saying a word, he pulls me toward my seat.
It looks like it’s Cole’s turn to get drunk tonight. He seems happy for once. It seems like that stick up his ass has been dislodged by the alcohol and the adrenaline.
“Well, I think I need to get you a celebratory drink,” I say, standing. Fin grabs my hand and tries to pull me back into my seat. I lean down and kiss his head. “Not this time,” I whisper. He lets me go and Bee joins me to walk to the bar.
Bee watches me as we stand there, waiting. Finally, she clears her throat. “So… Just how many of your rules have you broken?” She makes a show of studying her red nails.
“None.” I’m not really lying, am I? I haven’t had sex with the guy, so that’s rule two still firmly intact… Okay, rule one is a little blurry right now, but it’s hard not to fall for the guy who’s helping me get my life together.
“Hmm, if you had broken one of your precious rules, would you actually tell me?” she asks, studying me intently.
“Of course.” I try and sell the lie. There’s no chance I’d tell her.
“Yeah, right,” she says, pushing me playfully.
In my heels, I wobble forward into some poor guy’s back. He turns around to see who just made him spill half his pint…and he hasn’t even lifted it off the bar yet. The anger in his eyes soon softens when he sees me cringing.
“I am so sorry. My friend is a bit tipsy and she pushed me.” I point at Bee over my shoulder, still looking into his green eyes. He smiles a perfect smile. “Please, let me buy you another pint.”
“I’d rather have your phone number.”
I hear Bee snickering behind me. She’s loving this. I’m lost as to what as to do in this situation. One, I have a hard time dealing with guys. I’m used to getting the guy who is the friend of the guy Bee ends up with at the end of the night. And two, I have Fin to contend with at the moment. When he leaves in four days, then what?
“I don’t think I should,” I say, touching his arm, feeling nothing. No electricity, no heat, no anything. I realise being around Fin may have completely wrecked me forever.
“Oh, come on. It’s just a number, then maybe a drink at some point.” He shrugs as I retract my hand.
“She has a boyfriend,” Bee says suddenly, resting her head on my shoulder.
We both watch the guy’s face fall. He nods, taking his glass in his hand, and walks off. I don’t have time to feel bad. Bee pushes me to the bar, her head still on my shoulder. Her breath smells like white wine as she laughs.
“How easy was that?”
All I can think of is how Fin has been called my boyfriend twice today and how I love how it feels.
This is it! This feeling right here, right now! This is why I never wanted to let him get close in the first place! Fin has four days left here and I can already feel a gnawing in the pit of my stomach because I know I’ll have to let him go.
Bee helps me carry the drinks to the table. Fin is sitting next to Brad, his arm draped over Brad’s shoulder, deep in conversation. They are probably talking about the band, or maybe they’re talking about us. I hope they’re not talking about us. Maybe Fin's disappointed Brad got the carefree girl who’s not scared to get laid. Bee practically bounces back to her seat, spilling Brad's pint a little.
“Alex just got hit on by a guy at the bar!” she shouts, then giggles.
Her words were aimed for Brad, but in her drunken state, I think the whole table heard her. Fin’s brows furrow and he frowns.
“Oops,” Bee says, putting her fingers to her lips, still giggling. The look leaves Fin's eyes and he laughs a little.
Fin stands and moves back to his seat. I slide his Coke toward him. I feel like there’s a little distance between us now, thanks to Bee and her comment. He’s watching Jay and Cole, who are deep in conversation.
Fin scoots his chair closer to mine and wraps his arm around my shoulders, pulling me to him. “I let you buy the drinks once, Miss Duke, and this is what happens?”
His lips graze my ear. Delicious electricity runs through me, rendering me speechless. I think I feel it more right now because I thought he was pissed at me. Even though, honestly, I know it’s none of his business who I talk to. Either way, I’m glad to feel his touch right now.
* * *
“I am not getting in there with them!” Cole drunkenly points to Fin in the front seat of the van. I haven’t even gotten in yet, but he’s already protesting about being in an enclosed space with us.
“You can get into the back with the instruments, if you'd rather,” Fin snaps, his posh accent now sounding patronizing.
Cole glares at him. “Pfft!” He waves his hand through the air and starts walking. I don’t have the heart to tell him he's heading in the wrong direction. I climb up into the front seat of the van, watching Jay follow Cole, trying to turn him around.
“Come on, guys.” Fin nods to Brad and Bee to get into the front seat next to me. Getting Bee in is going to be fun. I grasp her hands as Brad holds her waist from behind. She just giggles the whole time. I can see her skipping yet another day of work tomorrow.
I love having them in the front of the van with us, mainly because it means I am squashed up to Fin as he drives, stealing all his body heat. I rest my head on his shoulder. I see his smile reflected in the windscreen. We’re silent as Brad and Bee count how many drinks she’s had. They have to keep starting over because she keeps getting it wrong…until she announces she feels sick. Brad quickly opens the window to let in some fresh air. I’m glad he does because I know she’d definitely launch it my way rather than at him.
When we pull up to the curb, Brad slides out, then helps Bee. “I’m going to make sure she's okay,” he says, supporting Bee with his arm around her waist.
“He sss gonnda stay at mine. You guys, dough... Have some fun!” she slurs, smirking. Even if she weren’t drunk right now, I know she would have given pretty much the same response.
“Okay. See you tomorrow. Be safe,” Fin says as Brad shuts the door, a smile on his face.
Fin pulls away from the curb.
“So… Some guy hit on you?” Fin asks pretty much right away.
I lift my head off his shoulder. “Yeah, I guess.” He nods. I look at his reflection in the windscreen. The smile is now gone. “Thanks to Bee, I made him spill his pint, so I offered to get him a fresh one. He said he’d rather have my number.” I shrug. It was no big deal.
His lips pull into a thin line as he drives, his dark eyes focused on the road. “Did you give it him?” he practically growls.
I start to feel hurt that he thought I would. That soon turns to anger. Even if I did, it has nothing to do with Fin, does it?
“You’re really asking me that right now?” I snap.
He turns to look at me for a second, then back at the road. His eyes seem darker than usual.
“Yes, I’m really asking. Did you?”
“No, Fin, I didn’t. Not that it’s any of your business if I did.”
He shrugs. “Exactly, so why not? This thing with us will only last a week. You said it yourself. You’re going to be the one left here, so why not set something up for when I’m gone, right?”
His words cut right through me, starting the familiar gnawing in my stomach again. I don’t want him to leave.
“I don’t want to set something up for when you leave.” My voice comes out as small and hurt as I feel right now. No, I’d rather him not leave at all. “And I can’t believe you actually think I would.” My voice is a little stronger, but not by much. I sense that familiar feeling in my gut of missing someone. Eventually, Fin is going to be yet another person who leaves me. I hate that feeling. I’d do anything to avoid it. I lean my head on his shoulder again. I need to be close to him while he’s still here. I feel him sigh.
“I’m sorry,” he whispers as he pulls the van up behind The Driftwood. We sit here for a moment, my head resting on his shoulder. “I didn’t mean to sound harsh, Alex. It’s just...” He sighs again. I lift my head off his shoulder to look at him. “The thought of you moving on with someone else once I’m gone just—”
“Please… Don’t,” I interrupt. “I already know, Fin.”
His hand searches for mine in the darkness. Neither of us say anything as I study his face. His dark eyes, which are on their way back to being golden brown. His full, kissable lips. His fashionable stubble that has a hint of red in it to match his chestnut hair. His fantastic jawline. I’m stamping this image into my mind to play back once he's gone.
He pushes my blonde hair behind my ear, his eyes searching my face. I want to make the most of my last few days with him, but I’m also preparing myself for when he leaves, when I’m not going to be able to look at him anymore, when it’s going to hurt like hell.
I watch his eyes. He looks deep in thought, like he's trying to figure out a way we could keep this. I hope he’s not going to suggest a long-distance relationship. They never work. I’ve read enough books and watched enough movies to know that’s just what holiday romances tell themselves so it doesn’t hurt as much when the holiday part ends and the romance slowly dies with it. I have already Googled how long it takes to get to Cowley. Three hours and fifty minutes. I don’t actually drive, so Fin would be the one constantly travelling. When I finally get my B&B up and running, I won’t be able to have weekends off to see him anyway.
“Come on.”
I slide out of my side of the van as he does the same. I walk around to meet him on the curb and take his hand. We start to walk slowly toward the B&B.
“Finnley… Do you regret this?” I ask, trying to sound light-hearted as I watch my feet take one step after another.
He frowns. “What?”
“Well, I’m sure Brad's told you all about his wild nights with Bee, and I was just wondering if you regretted picking the wrong one.”
“Wrong one? What are you talking about?”
He stops walking, but I don’t turn. I don’t want to look at him right now. I’m embarrassed, but I still need to ask in order to judge his reaction. To see if I am reading him right, or if he is just playing me really well.
“Yeah, because…you know…Brad's getting laid nearly every night and you’re just…not…at all.”
I can't believe I just said that, but it’s been playing on my mind since I saw him talking to Brad at the pub. He pulls back on my hand, turning me to face him.
“Alex, I wanted to spend my week with you because of the connection I feel to you.”
I shrug as if his words mean nothing, but they do. They’ve just helped build up my heart a little bit more…just in time to be shattered on Sunday.
“I just thought guys in a band did this sort of thing all the time.”
He laughs. “Alex, if you knew how long it has been since I actually dated anyone, you'd soon change that opinion.”
Now I want to know how long it’s been… Wait, do I really? Even if he did tell me, would I trust his answer? This could all be part of his plan to get me into bed.
He pulls me to him. “Now, stop being stupid,” he says softly. His lips are two inches from mine, his breath warm. I savour the feeling of it.
“Right back at ya,” I whisper, smiling.
His lips turn into a smile right before they softly touch mine. I grab his t-shirt to steady myself because these heels suddenly feel like skyscrapers, making me dizzy. His warm arms wrap around me, pinning me to his chest.
Needing to breathe, I pull away. His hand presses my head into his chest and he kisses my hair. His lips stay there for several seconds. Then he slides his hand back into mine and starts leading me home.