I blink a few times. The guys have been gone forty minutes, but I still can’t seem to concentrate.
“Alexis!”
I jump, turning to see my aunt in the doorway with her arms folded, a stern look on her face. I shoot up from my seat.
“Jill? Is everything okay?”
The look on her face and tone of her voice take me back to being eleven when I didn’t want to go to my new school after the accident. I walk closer, but not too close, just in case she's going to tell me off for kissing Fin in the lounge. Although I know she doesn’t know about the kiss, I can’t help but worry. Something has obviously upset her.
“Bailey called to talk to me…again.” I frown, confused. “Alex, why aren’t you at that concert with those boys?”
I freeze for two reasons. One, she just called me Alex. I really am in trouble. And two, the pain crossing her face makes my heart stop.
I shake my head. “What?”
“Sweetheart, you've been through so much in your life. All I ever wanted was for you to be happy.”
“I am—”
She sighs. “Let me finish.” I frown. Her voice softens. “You have never let anything you’ve been through hold you back from what you want to do in life, and I have always admired that. I have never seen a young person so determined to get what she wants.”
I am scared to speak, tears in my eyes. The accident was something that affected both of us, but we never really talk about it anymore.
“I am so proud of you for how hard you’ve worked to get where you want to be. I know your mom and dad are so proud of you, wherever they are, too.” She closes her eyes and sighs loudly. “But I also know they would want you to live a little! Every time you turn down a night out, or a chance to have fun, I feel like I’ve let them down. They would want me to fight to make sure you have fun, Alexis, so that’s what I’m doing. I know you want to be there for me…God knows, you were there when there was no one else…but I’m not on my own anymore. Sweetheart, it’s time you started living.”
A tear trickles down my cheek. I still don’t know if I’m allowed to speak yet, so I stand there, helpless, watching tears build in her eyes, too.
“This boy… This Fin…” She says the name like it doesn’t fit right in her mouth. “He means something to you. I can tell. He's only here for a few days.” She smiles. “Please, go and make the most of it.” When I open my mouth, she holds up her hand. “Don’t argue with me, either. Just leave the paperwork to us.” When a tear slips out of her eye, she quickly wipes it away.
I do the only thing I can. I walk over and wrap my arms around her, holding her tightly, letting the last few tears slip out of my eyes. When I pull away, we both smile and wipe our cheeks.
“If I agree to do this, will you do me one favour?” I ask.
“Okay…,” she says with a frown.
I smile. “Call me a taxi, please.” She grins as I kiss her cheek, then head to my room to change.
Fin isn’t expecting me, so I need to dress for extra shock value. I pull out a black chiffon dress with huge sequins around the high neckline and shimmy into it, then pull on my black knee-high boots that have three buckles down the side. I look in my wardrobe, seeing it hanging right in front of me.
I only wear it on special occasions. My little leather jacket, the only gift I was given on my twenty-first birthday. Everyone gave me money, as usual, but Jill, Alistair, and Bee all wanted to give me something to actually open. I love it so much, I’ve been scared to wear it. I slide it off the hanger, praying.
Yes! It still fits.
God, I love this jacket. I need to wear it more often. Fin and I are going to look like we have his and hers matching jackets, but I don’t care. Then I straighten my hair and freshen my makeup.
“Your taxi just pulled up,” I hear Jill call. My heart starts racing, thankful the guys had to ask me for directions so I know where the gig is.
I spray on some perfume and head to the front door, seeing Jill waiting. She's practically beaming. I think she finally said some things she’s wanted to say for a while.
“Thank you,” I whisper and kiss her head.
“Thank you for listening…for once.”
I give her one last smile before running down the three concrete steps and into the taxi.
* * *
This has to be the only problem with the plan that I didn’t think about. I hate walking into bars by myself.
The taxi has long since gone and I’m still standing there, staring at the Dog and Duck. I can’t hear the band yet, so I’m not late, but if I stand here much longer, I will be. That thought alone fuels me to reach out and open the door. The smell of booze hits me, making me smile. It will forever remind me of Fin's gigs.
I tremble a little, nervous Fin is going to spot me before I spot him. I’d hate to miss the look on his face. I glance around at the green-and-brown décor, searching for the guys. I see Cole near the stage, talking to Mark. I hope that won’t cause problems tonight.
My eyes search, thinking the guys will be sitting somewhere near Cole…
There!
To the left of the stage, sitting at a rectangle table, I see the back of Fin's head. He’s staring at his pint, running his fingers up and down the sides of the glass, making patterns in the condensation. I slowly walk closer. I hadn’t noticed Bee sitting there, too.
Shit!
She spots me first. I freeze on the spot. Her eyes widen.
Thank you, I mouth.
A small smile curves the corners of her lips. Welcome.
Bee leans across the table, taps the back of Fin’s hand, and nods at me. He turns slowly. I can’t move, scared of his reaction.
He stares at me for a moment. I feel my heart beat in every cell of my body as I watch him push his chair back and walk over to me.
“You’re here.” He slides his hands into my hair and holds my face, studying it.
I smile. “Of course I am. You have a gig. Where else would I be?”
His lips crash into mine with an urgency I need to feel right now. I slide my fingers inside the waistband of his jeans. The warmth of his skin sets my pulse on fire. I pull his body to mine as his tongue slowly explores my mouth, forcing a moan from my lips. I slide my hands up his back. He groans, the feeling of it vibrating through my lips and chest.
He pulls away. His hands still hold my head as he stares into my eyes, like he still can’t quite believe it.
“But how are you here?” he asks.
“Bee called Jill. She gave me a lecture about living my life while I can.”
“I’m so happy to see you.”
He kisses me again, softer this time, then pulls away to study my outfit.
“Wow. You look…amazing, Alex.” He grins. If I was unsure about wearing a dress before, the look he gives me lets me know I made the right choice. His arm snakes around my waist, leaving a trail of goosebumps on my skin as he leans in to kiss me again.
He pulls away and grabs my hand. “Come on. Let’s get you a drink before I have to be on stage.” He leads me to the bar.
* * *
Other than Fin and Bee, I haven’t spoken to anyone since I got here. It’s not intentional, but Fin’s hand on my bare knee makes it quite difficult to form words.
Finally finding my voice, I turn to him. “Are you looking forward to getting on stage tonight?”
He smiles and squeezes my knee, making me jump. “I am now.”
I stare at him. He knows exactly what he's doing and looks quite proud of himself.
He kisses my cheek. “Did I mention how amazing you look?” he whispers into my ear before sitting back.
When his hand slides up the inside of my thigh a little bit more, I am grateful I wore a dress…so very grateful.
“You’re trouble, Mr. Finnley.” My voice comes out more breathy than I’d like. I’m lucky he’s the only one who can hear me. He bites his lip, probably to stop himself from grinning.
“Hello, everyone. Welcome to the Dog and Duck,” the announcer says.
Fin doesn’t pull his gaze away from me, so I hold his stare, like it’s a challenge. He finally grins and looks at the announcer.
“We have a couple bands to entertain you this evening. Let’s start by welcoming, all the way from Oxford, The Dukes!”
Cole strides up to the stage, then Brad and Jay filter in behind him. Fin kisses my head and slowly walks up on stage, taking his place behind the drums.
Bee moves to sit next to me. She links her arm through mine as we stare at the guys. They start with a few covers, but as soon as they finish those, I sit and listen to every word Cole sings, trying to piece together parts of Fin. It’s hard, though. Lyrics are a tough thing to decipher. Some of them come from a deep place, but I guess others are used just because they rhyme. How am I supposed to know the difference? I wish I knew more about him. It’s not fair. He knows pretty much all of my painful past.
Watching the guys perform, I realise I’m going to miss each of them. Brad…with his ability to point out the obvious. Cole…with his stern leadership that none of them seem to follow. Jay…who I’m sure has a sense of humour, which he hides really well. Maybe he’s just scared to talk to any other female who isn’t his future wife. And, of course, Fin. I don’t know where to start with the list of things I'll miss about him.
I'll miss the way he seems to understand what I’m going through. If he doesn’t, he does a great job of pretending. His support that, once I get my own business up and running, is something I would love to have twenty-four/seven. Watching him have conversations with my mom’s photograph. That amazing body.
Most of all though, I think I’ll miss those lips. The way they make me feel weightless and lightheaded, even with the softest touch.
Just thinking about him leaving makes me feel empty. It hurts too much.
* * *
I am so grateful leather keeps the wind out. Why don’t I wear this jacket more often?
Fin asked if he could walk me home early. I have no clue why, but I don’t really care.
“You guys did great tonight,” I say.
He grasps my hand. “You think?”
“Definitely. Everyone was really into it.”
“Good. We’re still working on putting music to the lyrics I just wrote.”
“Just?”
“This week.” He smiles down at me and rubs his thumb over the back of my hand. I wonder if I made it into these new lyrics. I know that’s a little big-headed, but if I wrote anything right now, he'd be in every single line.
“So, do you carry, like, a notepad around or something?”
“Actually, I do, but if I’m out and lyrics just come to me, I’ll type them on my phone.”
I nod. I wish I knew what it felt like to be that creative.
“So… Have you heard from the B&B yet?” he asks. I laugh. He only handed in the form today.
“No. From what I've heard, it takes a few months or so before you hear back.”
“That sucks. I wish it could be quicker for you.” He smiles at me as we walk. The ground is wet. Thank God we missed the rain because neither of our jackets have hoods.
We're a few streets away from the Driftwood when Fin stops walking and pulls me to him. My hands slide around his waist and up his back.
“I can’t believe it’s almost Friday, Alex.” He sighs heavily. Something about hearing him sound disappointed that our week is nearly over makes me almost crack.
“I know.” My voice shakes.
His lips gently brush mine. It’s a simple, soft movement. When he pulls away, I’m happy to see the special golden colour in his eyes. I bite my lip to stop my grin.
“Your eyes have this amazing colour, Fin,” I whisper.
He smiles slightly. “Funny. I’ve been thinking that about you all week.”
“Who do you get it from?”
I don’t know what I just said, but when he slides his hand back into mine and starts pulling me along again, I regret it.
“I... I don’t know,” he whispers.
I study the side of his face. “I’m sorry.” I don’t know what I’m apologising for, but it feels like I need to.
“Don’t be. I was adopted when I was almost two.” He smiles, although I can see the pain behind it. I stop. Reluctantly, Fin turns to face me.
“I’m sorry,” I say again.
“Don’t be, Alex. Honestly. My adoptive parents were amazing to me.” He smiles and starts dragging me along again.
“Were?”
He shakes his head. “Let’s not get into that. We’ve had such a lovely night. Let’s not spoil it.” He tries to smile, but I’m not convinced. We walk in silence.
I can’t stop thinking about what he just told me. He has no clue which of his birth parents gave him those amazing eyes, or that crooked smile, or that beautiful chestnut hair that has a gorgeous red tint in the sun. I wonder if he knows who they were. Did they know him? More and more questions form in my mind, but I drop it…for now.
We turn onto the street of The Driftwood. We haven’t said a word since. I don’t want the conversation about his parents to be the last thing we talk about tonight.
“How come we left the pub so early?” I ask, keeping my voice light.
He turns to me and smirks. “I just wanted more alone time with you.” His deep voice, coupled with that smirk, makes my heart stutter in my chest. “Plus, I didn’t want to keep you out late. Not after your aunt let you come to the gig.”
When we reach the yellow gate, I stand and look at him for a moment. I don’t think I could ever look at him enough to commit his face to memory. My recollection of him when he’s not with me is already grey. God knows what it will be like months or years down the line.
“Thanks. That’s really sweet,” I say and walk through the gate. I make my way up the huge steps to the front door, Fin following. I fish my keys out of my bag.
“Don’t sound so shocked. I can be sweet, you know.”
His voice is close. I turn to look at him over my shoulder. His smile slowly fades as his lips land on mine. I stop breathing, turning to face him. As soon as I do, he presses my body into the door, his hand cupping my face. My keys slip from my fingers, hitting the concrete steps. His kiss deepens as I push my hands through his hair. His tongue gently roams my mouth. I groan. I know we shouldn’t be doing this here, but I also know I can’t stop him... I don’t want to stop him. His hand glides over my collarbone, leaving a trail of goosebumps. I feel the warmth of it travel down my side and over my hip, grasping my thigh, making me shiver. His hand slides down, hooking behind my knee and wrapping my leg around his waist, pushing himself against me.
“Jesus!” I gasp, forcing our lips apart. We stand there, panting.
“Shit,” he curses, letting his forehead drop to mine. I can’t move. I am still pinned to the door and his hand still holds my leg.
“Emergency stop,” he breathes, letting go of my leg. He pushes away from me and looks at the ground. I am still in shock and can’t move. That felt amazing!
Fin scratches the back of his head and looks at me. I wonder what I must look like right now. Probably a hot, panting mess.
I push off the door and glance around for my keys. Fin bends down and grabs them, handing them to me.
“I’m sorry, Alex.”
In the dim light of the two solar lamps on either side of the door, I can just make out the blush on his cheeks. I laugh. He frowns, looking confused.
“Don’t apologise, Fin. That’s…” I'm about to tell him that’s the most alive I’ve felt in years, but I can’t say that. “That was amazing.” The look on his face says he knows it wasn’t what I wanted to say, but he nods.
When I finally open the door, Fin is silent, but it’s not a comfortable silence this time. I know he regrets what just happened. I can see it in his eyes.
“Thank you for coming tonight,” he says, his smile not reaching his eyes.
“I’m glad I could.” I smile back.
He scratches the back of his head nervously. I hate the emotional distance between us right now.
“Good night, Alexis.” He gives me a half-hearted smile. I wish I could think of something to say, but I can’t. That kiss fried all my brain cells. It’ll probably take a good hour or so before I can form whole sentences again.
“Good night, Finnley,” I whisper as I watch him make his way up the stairs to his room.
I walk to my room, feeling deflated. I throw my purse and phone onto the bed.
What the hell is that?
I pick up a folded piece of paper that’s on my pillow. I run my fingers over my name written in my aunt’s handwriting. I unfold it and read it with a smile.
I have no clue why she feels the need to give me the day off, but seeing as it’s 11:07pm and I'm just about to head into a very cold shower, I’m grateful. I strip out of my clothes on the way to the shower. The clothes can wait. The shower can’t.
I can’t believe showering after 11:00pm has become my regular routine, but I need it. I’m sure that kiss at the door world require an ice bath to cool anyone down.
Afterward, I put on my pink pyjama shorts and a grey vest top, then plop down onto my bed.
I am physically drained, but my mind is very much awake. I hate how Fin and I left things tonight. I pick up my phone and stare at it. Should I text him? If I do, what will I say? Thanks for kickstarting my heart against the front door of my aunt’s place? I smirk to myself as I remember the heat. Heat that didn’t just come from me. God, it’s so sexy to think I turn him on.
I jump as my phone vibrates in my hand.
EMERGENCY IN ROOM 3! NEED YOUR HELP
It’s Fin. I shoot up from the bed. Emergency? My mind races to figure out what sort of emergency would be taking place at this time of night. Fin’s okay because he's texting…
Shit! Brad!
Has Bee broken up with him and ripped his heart out? Is he wasted? God, I hope he hasn’t been sick everywhere. My aunt will go mad.
I head for the door of my bedroom, seeing my pink fluffy slippers sitting there. I don’t care that it’s an emergency. Fin is not seeing me in those. I’ll just have to go barefoot.
I run up the stairs, hoping I don’t wake any other guests on my way. I knock on the door to room 3, which isn’t shut all the way. I push open the door and see Fin sitting on the end of his bed. He's wearing a black vest top and navy blue track suit bottoms, and his hair is damp. Did he have to take a cold shower, too? His dark eyes meet mine. He’s holding a folded piece of paper.
“You said there was an emergency?” I ask, breathless.
“Okay, maybe it’s not exactly an emergency.”
He smirks, his gaze travelling the full length of my body. His expression soon changes. He nods at me. “Is that what you sleep in?”
Feeling self-conscious, I start to fidget. I wrap an arm across my stomach, suddenly wishing my top had sleeves and my shorts were longer.
“Please, don’t hide yourself from me, Alexis.”
“You said there was an emergency, Fin.”
“Yeah, I may have exaggerated.”
“So not only are you crap at knowing when to call an emergency stop, but you also exaggerate about real emergencies?” I grin. Just like that, things between us go right back to comfortable again, like the awkwardness after the incident at the door never existed.
“Yeah, sorry about that.”
He stands and hands me the piece of paper he’s holding. I recognise my aunt’s handwriting and smile.
“Your aunt seems to think we’re sleeping together.”
My eyes widen as I scan the note.
I don’t know whether to be embarrassed or impressed that she thought this is how my night might end. Jill and I are close. I know if I ever have a problem, I can go to her with it, but my sex life, or lack thereof, isn’t something I’ve ever brought up with her. I can’t believe she'd think I might end up in Fin’s bed tonight. But, hey, the night isn’t over yet, and here I am, standing in his room in my pyjamas.
I lift my eyes from the note to look at Fin. I catch a slight scent of mint. It must be his shampoo. He looks so natural right now, so beautiful.
“So, seriously, is this what you wear to sleep?” he asks again, looking me up and down.
His gaze leaves a trail of heat across my skin. He crosses his arms and smiles. I hate the way my stomach flips as the way he’s looking at me, but I like it…maybe a little too much. I’ve almost lost control with him once tonight. This could be dangerous if I want to keep my rules intact… But do I?
“I should go,” I whisper and turn on my heel. He grabs my wrist.
“Please, don’t.” I turn back to face him. “Look. I’m sorry about what happened at the door. It won’t happen again.”
“Do you mean at the door or against the door?”
He smirks. “As I said, Alexis, I am sorry.”
I smile. “And, as I said, please stop apologising, Fin. I’m only playing you up. Would it help if I told you I enjoyed every single second of it?”
“Maybe a little.” His smile is sincere now.
“Right. I guess that’s the emergency dealt with then.”
I turn again, about to walk out, but his hand is still on my wrist. He starts pulling me toward the bed. He sees the panic cross my face. I don’t know if I can stop myself with him twice in one night, or if I want to stop myself. His touch is intoxicating. I’d hate for Bee to be able to say “I told you so” if I break rule two.
“Trust me, Alex,” he says. Honestly, if any other guy were to say that to me while leading me to a bed, you can bet your ass I wouldn’t trust them. Fin, though? I do completely trust him.
He climbs onto the bed and sits against the wooden headboard. He pats between his legs and motions me to sit down, like we did in the lounge Monday night. I sit and rest my head against his chest. I close my eyes as his arms wrap around me. I feel the tension drain out of my body.
“So, how come your aunt thought you might end up here tonight?” His voice rumbles through me.
“I don’t know.” I run my fingers up his forearm. “I think it’s probably because I don’t spend time with guys, so the fact that she's noticed me with you...”
“So you really don’t have a different boyfriend every week?”
I laugh, remembering him quizzing me about that at the beginning of the week. “No, I don’t. I don’t usually put makeup on to cook breakfast, either, but I have since you showed up. I guess she noticed that, too.”
I feel him laugh. “So your aunt figured out you liked me before you did.” His voice is deep and quiet next to my right ear.
“I guess,” I whisper, closing my eyes as I melt into him.
“When did you realise you liked me?”
I smirk. “I still haven't.” I feel him laugh.
His lips gently brush my neck, sending shock waves throughout my body. Every hair on my body stands on end. His pulls one strap of my top aside. He trails light kisses down my shoulder. I moan, pushing myself back into him, wanting more.
“Oh, you definitely like me, Alexis Duke,” he whispers into my ear. I don’t need to open my eyes to know he's wearing his crooked grin. It takes every ounce of self-control to stay seated and not pin him to the bed, breaking rule two over and over. Even I don’t know which side of me is going to win tonight—my stubbornness or my need for Fin.
I open my eyes. “Yes, I like you, Finnley.”
I really want to tell him that “like” doesn’t feel strong enough for what I feel for him. “Like” doesn’t cover the way my heart picks up speed when he’s in the same room. “Like” doesn’t cover how my mind is so at rest when I’m in his arms that I could actually fall asleep. “Like” doesn’t cover how safe and secure I feel here. But what would be the point of saying any of this out loud? Admitting it would just make it hurt more when he leaves on Sunday.
“Alex?” he asks.
“Yes?”
“What happens Sunday?”
Weird how we both seem to be thinking about the same thing.
“I say goodbye to you and you go back to your life in Cowley.”
I wonder if he just heard my heart breaking. How stupid am I right now? Sitting here thinking I’m falling for a stranger in only a week? Things like that don’t happen.
“And that’s it?” I feel his heart beating against my back.
“What are you asking, Fin?” I move to the side a little so I can see his face.
“Are we allowed to talk or visit or anything?”
“Please, don’t tell me you’re about to suggest us trying to keep this going long distance.”
His lips pull into a thin line. “Would that be so bad?”
I groan and try to slide off the bed, but his arm tightens around my waist, keeping me in place.
“Fin…”
“Come on. Would trying this long distance be so bad?”
I shake my head. I can’t believe were having this conversation. I thought we were on the same page.
“I’ve thought about it,” I blurt out. He’s silent. I don’t think he believes me. “I really have. I’ve even looked up how long it would take to get to Cowley.” I watch his face when he realises I’m serious. “It’s nearly a four-hour drive…and I don’t drive.” I shrug.
“I drive. I can drive here.”
My heart breaks that he's trying keep us together and I’m not. I hate being the bad guy, but thanks to him, my dream is finally on its way to becoming a reality. I can’t pretend it’s going to be easy and that things will be the same between us.
“Fin, I’m on the brink of opening a business. That means I’ll be busy twenty-four/seven. Weekends will be my busiest days.”
“I don’t care. I could help.”
“You have the guys, the band. If you all work during the week, I’m guessing most of your gigs are on the weekends. So how would that work? Either you’d go to your gigs, leaving me wondering what you’re up to, or you'd be here, resenting me for missing them. Cole is working on getting you signed. That’s your dream. Running a B&B is mine.”
“I know,” he says, letting the pain spill into his voice.
“We agreed on one week.”
He nods. “I know we did. I was there. But going from this to no contact at all just seems...” He sighs, shaking his head. He isn’t seeing the bigger picture here.
“Okay. Think about it this way, Fin. We keep in touch, texting every now and then. What happens when one of us starts dating?”
He turns away from me. “I hate the thought of another guy going near you.”
I feel tears sting the back of my eyes. “I feel the same about you. So how do we carry on, keeping in touch, knowing we will have to move on at some point?” My voice shakes a little.
“Yeah.” He nods. I hate how my comfortable space in his arms now makes my chest hurt. He pulls me to him tightly.
“I’m sorry,” I whisper, resting my head back on his shoulder.
“Don’t be. You’re right… I just… hate it,” he whispers and plants a kiss on my hair.
“Me, too. Let’s not talk about it anymore. Let’s just enjoy what we have left.” I’m desperately trying to hold my tears in.
As awful as this conversation has been, I hope he takes one thing away from it. I hope he realises that if I’ve thought about this enough to research it, the word “like” doesn’t cover how I feel about him.