Carl

Fuck, I didn’t want to be the one to tell her about her dad. When she called and said that she hadn’t talked to anyone since she’d been gone, I knew that it was going to come down to me to do it and I can’t say that I was too thrilled about it. I didn’t want to be the one to say it and I certainly didn’t want to be the one that gave her news to make her cry, but already there were tears coming to her eyes and I felt absolutely rotten about it.

“Dad’s in the hospital?”

I solemnly agreed that he was, but I was focusing on the road far more than I was the pain on her face. I never wanted to see that ever again and I wished that there was something that I could do to make her feel better. I couldn’t even give her a hug because there was nowhere to pull over and I was driving. I instead had to grip the wheel and try to answer any questions that she had about it.

“How bad?”

I didn’t want to tell her that there wasn’t any hope, but she needed to be prepared because Ted looked pretty bad and the doctors weren’t that optimistic.

“He’s not doing well.”

She sighed to herself and looked out the window. “I shouldn’t have gone back. Why didn’t anyone call me and tell me what was going on?”

“Your mom wanted you to do well on your exams. She said that was what your father wanted.”

Melanie didn’t want to hear it and she mumbled something about how she should have been told. I agreed, but I wasn’t going to say that I did or not. Mary had made a decision and I wasn’t going to criticize it. Her father wanted her getting a degree and doing well, he didn’t want to be a burden and at least he was still around to say their goodbyes. The doctors didn’t think he had long, but at least now she was here and things were going to be taken care of.

I pulled into the hospital and she was out of the car before I even had the engine off. There was panic in her eyes and she almost left without me but I called her back and told her that I would take her to him. I knew which room he was in and she would get there faster that way.

“Come on Carl. I’ve already wasted so much time.”

I took her to her father’s room and I left quietly as she hugged her mom and brother. I was close to the family, but still wasn’t their real family, so I made my way downstairs to find one of  those coffee machines that spewed out coffee that was hardly drinkable but filled with caffeine that everyone in the hospital seemed to buzz on.

It was going to be another long night and I was getting used to the bitter brew.

While I was walking back to the waiting area that was where I was a lot of times now, my phone rang and it was Bianca. She’d been calling a lot and it was getting embarrassing how much I had to keep my phone off because it was nonstop calling.

I didn’t want to talk to her right now. It wasn’t that important. It never was with her and I was sure that she was just trying to get back together. It was the last thing on my mind.

It rang again as I was waiting for the elevator and I whipped out the offensive device to turn it off and I was surprised that it was actually Melanie calling. I didn’t know what she wanted or why she was calling me. I had just seen her ten minutes ago when I was showing her to the room.

“What’s up?”

“Can you take me to Lily’s? Dad is out for the night and I just got to get out of here. I hate seeing him like this. He’s hooked up to all of those machines…”

Her voice trailed off and I knew exactly how she was feeling. It was a helpless feeling that I hated, yet I felt a surge of it every time I saw Ted. I wanted to help, badly, but there was nothing that I could do to make it any better. I knew that and it was one of the hardest things that I’d ever had to realize.

“I’ll be up there in a minute.”

“I’m down by the entrance. Can you just come down here?”

She was talking in this low and breathy voice and I wasn’t sure what I was supposed to say or do. I wanted to help her and I just agreed. I would have agreed to anything because there was some vulnerable part of her that called to me in the most innocent way. I wanted to save her and for the first time in my life, I wanted to be the white knight in shining armor that made everything better for her.

Hanging up, I rode the elevator back down and was in such a rush I spilled some of the dark, hot coffee on me and threw it away. I was ready for a real drink and after I took Melanie back to Lily’s place, I think my trajectory was headed towards the bar. It had been a long week and now that Melanie was back, it had just gotten more complicated.