Chapter 18
Lucy
The medical examination has passed, and everything was back to normal including my love life. Still Zen wouldn’t tell me what he did during those days he went missing but he kept telling me how agonizing it was for him to stay away from me. Even Ciel was hesitant to tell me what exactly Zen did but Ciel managed to tell me that he had a certain job that I didn’t need to know.
My hands trembled in fear as I held the envelope of my examination results. Even when Zen returned I still wasn’t able to mentally prepare myself for the exam. I’ve been studying and reading before I met Zen but it didn’t cover everything that was on the exam. When Zen returned I barely studied since most of the time was spent in bed with Zen.
Zen was hanging out with Ciel at the moment. Fran, Angela, and Stephen whom I have grown close to were also behind me for moral support. Fran was growing impatient as Angela scolded her for pressuring me while Stephen was cheering me on, but to be honest their voices seemed far away to me.
My trembling hands slowly opened the envelope and the air around us was filled with anxiety and anticipation. We slowly read the letter and as I continued to read my heart was slowly breaking.
I didn’t pass.
Fran was yelling to no one in particular about how I didn’t pass when I literally kept studying, Angela was trying to cheer me up with words, and Stephen kept rubbing my back. I’ve worked so hard to get where I am today and not being able to pass was like a huge slap to the face. For the first time in a very long time I let the tears fall down my face.
I couldn’t exactly blame Zen for everything for it was my fault why I failed the exam. I lacked concentration and hard work. I would’ve passed if only I would have worked harder. I didn’t say a word nor did I grab my things as I rushed out of Fancy Cups. Fran, Angela, and Stephen called out for me but I ignored them. I wanted to be alone.
I didn’t know where I was going but I kept running as fast as I could. Almost thinking that I could out run my problems and just simply leave them behind, if only it was that easy.
I ended up at the park near my apartment. I plopped onto the grassy ground and leaned against the trunk of a tree. Luck wasn’t on my side as it started to rain. I didn’t even bother to find shelter as I let the rain drench me from head to toe.
I know I could always retake the exam but still rejection hurts especially when you’ve dreamed of it your whole life. Tears still leaked from my eyes but they started blending in with the rain. After what seemed like hours but was only minutes, somebody managed to find me.
“We’ve been looking for you everywhere.” I looked up to see a panting Zen and was drenched from the rain. If I wasn’t too depressed then I would’ve swooned at how Zen looked. I tore my gaze away from Zen and looked back at the ground.
“Everyone’s been searching for you.” he said but I still wasn’t saying anything. He squatted down in front of me but I didn’t even want to look into his eyes. “I heard from Ciel’s girl… about the examination.” He said. My face stood still like stone not reacting at all to anything he’s saying nor was my eyes moving away from the ground.
“It’s okay to let go Lucy… it’s just me. I won’t say anything, I’ll just be here for you.” he said as he held his arms wide open. I looked up to see him expressionless and I wasn’t able to hold it in as I threw myself into his arms and let a sob. He wrapped his arms around me and just simply held me as I cried. His arms were warm and comforting, just what I needed.
When I no longer could produce tears I pulled away from his embrace and was about to wipe the tears and rain stains on my cheek but Zen stopped me. His hands then wiped away the stains as he gave me a warm soft smile.
“I can’t say that I exactly know how you feel because I don’t. You’ve been working hard for this only for you to not make it. I somehow feel that it’s my fault…” but I didn’t let him continue as I shook my head and argued, “No! It’s not your fault. It was my fault why I failed. I should’ve worked harder.”
Zen’s brows furrowed as he said “There’s no need to place the blame on anyone. No use crying over spilt milk. But what we can do is prepare for the next opportunity and I’ll be by your side and support you.” Who knew that Zen could cheer you up with such words?
I couldn’t help but laugh out loud from my thoughts which startled Zen. “What’s funny?” he asked which only made the situation even funnier.
“I would’ve never expected you to say those kind of words.” I told him. The rain was getting heavy. “We should get you out of this rain before you get sick.” Zen pointed out as he ignored what I said was funny. I was about to stand up but before I could Zen scooped me up into his arms and proceeded to carry me towards my apartment.
He even managed to take off my clothes and bathe me without doing anything naughty. Even when we’re not doing anything naughty I can tell by the look in Zen’s eyes that he was holding back with all of his strength. He changed me into new clothes after we both took a bath together. We both laid in my bed just staring at one another.
“It’s amazing how you’re able to hold back.” I teased him as I traced each bulging muscle on his arm. He groaned and said “Don’t say that, I might not hold back if you keep teasing me.” I chuckled as I snuggled deep into Zen’s arms. This reminded me of my dream back then, I’m happy that this is no dream.
He leaned towards my face and stole a kiss. Like all the kisses he has stolen from me they’re sweet and rough all at the same time.
“You’ve been standing all by yourself, and working hard all by yourself. This time I’ll stand by you and beat the crap out of anyone who dares hurt you or stand in your way.” Zen said in his own way of sweetness.