Tic. Toc. Tic. Toc.

The sound of the clock wakes me; I peek my eyes open and the twilight rays illuminate the room in an orange glow. I turn and feel the warmth of her body against mine, her form filling the sheets besides me. She’s sound asleep and she’s beautiful. Her long lashes lying against her cheeks, the curve of the bridge of her nose is perfect. The fullness of her lips, and blush on her cheeks. Oh. So. Perfect. She’s in an angelic-like state which makes this all seems as if this is dream.

I place a soft kiss on her shoulder, hoping not to wake her. I lie in the stillness of this moment and take in the warmth of her soul. The completeness encircling my heart is what I have been missing. I want this. I want her. I want them.

Por siempre.

“Don’t think I forgive you just because my hormones can sometimes take control of my body,” she says, softly awakening from her nap.

Her words bring a smile to my face because of the innocence present in her tone; it doesn’t compare to her desire-laced voice or the hungered eyes from hours earlier.

“What?” she asks, looking at my smile as she turns to face me.

“Nothing,” I say.

“I didn’t know I amuse you so much,” she states as we look at each other.

“There’s a lot of things you don’t know about me.” Silence fills the room. The realization hits of how little we know of each other. We aren’t strangers obviously, but we aren’t really friends either. The thought of being an acquaintance, hell no! Right now there is no real definition of what we are, the only thing that binds us together is our baby. “We need to change that Sophia, we are going to be having a baby. We are going to be bound in the life together forever.”

“Matias, please, what happened hours ago was a moment of weakness due to the majority of my brain being controlled by my hormones. I agree that we need get to know each other more, more than just knowing the physical aspects of our bodies. I just need you to know that my heart will always belong to one man. Even though he is no longer here, my heart has no room to love another. I need you to know that before we get more involved I can’t give you something that is already taken. I want you to be there for the baby. I want us to be friends.” She sits up and the sheet that was covering her slips down to her waist revealing her the swell of her belly. I focus on her brown eyes as she tries to form the words that she needs to say to me. I know what she’s going say before she even says it.

Just as I was about to revel in the moment, the rawness of reality hits me. She doesn’t want me. She doesn’t love me. I will never be him. The only way to into her heart will be by giving her what I have given no other.

Mi Corazon. Mi Alma.

“And another thing, my-”

“I know, your intentions were never to lead me on,” I finish for her just to make it easier on her.

“Yes, so this, what we are doing,” she circles her index finger around us. “Can’t happen anymore.”

“Well, I don’t agree. I don’t see anything wrong with two people having consensual sex with each other.” As soon the word sex comes out of my mouth, I hate it. I hate the word. I hate the way it makes this situation feel. I hate the meaningless way it has degraded my love toward her, because I made love with her. I shared my heart and soul with her.

“It’s not right. First, it can lead to feeling on your part, not mine. Second, if we were to become friends, we shouldn’t be intimate. Third, I’m not going to be your whore.” She gets off the bed and goes into the bathroom. I go right in after her before she has a chance to lock the door.

“First off, you will never be my whore. Second, I’m a grown man and I can handle separating sex and feelings. Third, celibacy is not something I’m ready to start practicing. I can’t be with someone else when the mother of my baby is sleeping right across the hall from me. It’s either you or no one.” Lies. I’m feeding her lies. First to her, because I want her more than ever and then to myself in thinking that maybe, just maybe she will feel me and someday want me then fall in with love me.

“Matias, I don’t know if I can do it. Right now I have to say no because it doesn’t seem right. But then a few days from now when my body is craving a man’s touch, I might just come knocking at your door. I’m sorry for my honesty. But this is what it is.”

“Sophia, anything you need from me is yours.” Our naked bodies are so near that I can feel the heat radiating off her. Her chest is heaving, the small swell of her belly is rubbing against me and even though it’s barely noticeable, it protrudes more than the rest of her abdomen. I want to reach out, caress it, kiss it, and talk to my baby; my exuberant heart beats wildly as the excitement fills me. I place my hands on her belly. She places one hand over mine and we just stand there for one moment, interrupted by the sound of a rumbling sound coming from within.

“You’re hungry. You need to eat.” This is a perfect time to have dinner, talk some more, and just be with her. “Let’s shower and I will order take out of your choice, unless, you would rather go out to dinner?”

“No, take out would be perfect, I’m in no mood to get dressed to go out.”

Perfect. I get to have her all to myself. It’s still early in the evening and I’m not ready to let her go. I don’t know if I am ever going to be ready to let her go.

We take a shower, together. I never knew how convenient it is to have someone shower with you. I can get used to this. I wash her back. She washes mine and it brings a smile to my face. These small little things are going to drive my love deeper into my heart for her and that can be a dangerous road to follow but I’m willing to chance it. I need to be patient because she is something worth waiting for. I just hope that a speck of likeness can grow into a sea of love for me.

Our shower lasts until the water begins to run cold. I don’t even know how we lasted so long in the shower when all we did was talk about her next doctor appointment and her next appointment with my brother.

We are in my bedroom. I’m dressing into some old gray sweatpants and black tee when I look over and see her, she’s still standing in a towel wrapped around her.

“You look beautiful.” I can’t help the words that just came out of my mouth. I shouldn’t have said them, knowing that she just wants to be friends and her needing to know that I’m not expecting more than just friendship. But I do speak the truth. A blush forms on her cheeks and if I’m not mistaken it looks like she’s trying to bite her inner cheek to keep from smiling.

“I’m cold,” she says, her lips begin to shiver and I walk toward her. “My clothes aren’t very comfy and I don’t want to go home right now. Katia will ask too many questions that I don’t want to deal with right now. Can I borrow something?” she asks.

“Sophia, no need to ask. What’s mine is yours. Make yourself comfortable.” She heads straight to my closet and pulls a sweatshirt off its hanger pulling it over her head.

“Where are your socks?” I point to the dresser in the closet. “Top drawer.” She pulls it open and picks out a pair of my socks, pulling them up her feet.

She goes into the bathroom and brushes out her hair and puts on some lotion on her legs. I stand there watching her. Her beauty still amazes me. It’s like watching the sunset set over the ocean for the first it’s breathtakingly beautiful.

I literally have to stop myself from staring at her, that’s how much my heart is already invested into this friendship.

“Greek or Chinese?” I ask.

“Greek,” she responds without hesitation, stepping out of the bathroom and walks into bedroom she grabs her purse and sits on the bed.

“What do you want to from The Great Greek?” The Great Greek is the best Greek restaurant in town.

“Get me the garlic shrimp skewers with the fries with loaded feta cheese and make sure the pita bread is extra toasted, and also the lamb burger well done with extra feta no tomatoes, and just one side salad with ranch dressing and ask them for extra cucumber easy on the red onions.”

“There’s no need to order for me.”

“Um, I wasn’t. That’s my order. I’m hungry. I didn’t have anything to eat all day and I can’t decide which of the two I really want. Besides I’m so hungry, I’ll probably finish both and the salad and still have room for dessert.”

I throw her a smile and grab my cell phone to place the order, meanwhile I looking at her busying herself sending text messages.

Dinner was perfect, not to mention filling. I can’t believe she ate all that food. I can’t even imagine how someone so small can eat so much. In the last two hours I have found out that she can eat and she loves to watch ‘The Big Bang Theory’ because it makes her laugh. She loves to eat cake for breakfast, her favorite color is blue, and she’s always cold even when it’s hot. She likes to snack on potato chips and Chunky Monkey ice cream, she misses interior designing, she loves coffee (she is cranky without it, I made a mental note of that), she loves to read because she loves a happily-ever-after, she misses her husband every day, and she still cries for him every night.

Her dewy eyes look over at me at the mention of his name. I have only heard it twice, maybe three at the most. I want her to find solace in me. I want her to be able to express her emotions regardless how much this might tug at my heart. She needs me and I need to be there for her. I lean in, letting her soothe her soul and expel her tears.

This is the perfect start to building a relationship with Sophia. Patience is my only hope in conquering her heart. I know she is still mourning her husband and I am willing to give her all the time she needs. I don’t want her to forget him, I don’t want to replace him, all I want is for her to make room to love me, too.