She’s only said it once since that night and that’s all it took to be etched in my heart. Those sweet, beautiful words made the fire burn more ferociously and on that night I became the owner of her heart. My heart knew it was waiting for my soul to fall in love with someone like her; God had mysterious ways of bringing us together. Her circumstance isn’t the best. She had to learn how to find her life after death but overall, she’s found it.

I stare at her nakedness, her belly is protruding far beyond her toes and it’s the most beautiful thing I have ever seen. She turns to look at me as I stand staring at her. “What?” she says.

“You look beautiful, baby.” She continues to dry herself off.

She has taken up residence in my bed every night for the last couple of months. Slowly, her presence became known throughout the apartment and even though we never discussed moving in together, I wouldn’t want it any other way.

“I’ll get your coffee, is oatmeal good for breakfast?” I ask. I am always ready before she is, we’ve been going to work together and I usually have her breakfast ready before we head out.

“Actually, I’m craving the chocolate cake from last night.”

“For breakfast?” I question.

“Hmmm, yes. Oh and with some bacon.” She gives me a wry smile.

“Bacon?”

“Yes, it’s the perfect combination. Sweet and salty.”

“Got it, chocolate cake and bacon, coming up.”

“Don’t forget my coffee!” she yells as I walk away.

I prepare her coffee and I know just how she likes it, creamy and sweet. Her bacon is extra crispy, but not burnt and her chocolate cake has an extra scoop of frosting on the edges because she loves it. As I set all her things on the table, I realize that this is how our forever can be. I don’t know if she is ready to accept it, and I know that we are slowly moving there but I don’t want to move to fast an eventually being the end of our forever if she is not ready. I want to be able to her talk about this. I want to be able to express to her how I feel about eventually getting married. She is now my best friend; I hadn’t realized that until now, but she is. Other than Nicolas, she the only other person I can express my feeling with, vent with, be sad with, and cry.

“Baby, breakfast is ready,” I go in to tell her as she leans onto the bathroom counter trying to apply her makeup.

“This is getting harder and harder,” she says.

“I can only imagine what it’s like to carry another little human inside there. It must be exhausting,” I say, she turns to face me and nods as I place my hand her belly and kiss her cheek.

Once she is ready, we eat breakfast and start our day, together. She leaves to make decisions regarding the decorations of the project.

WORK WAS UNEVENTFUL; this has been the biggest project Sophia has taken on since the passing of her husband and she is doing a great job handling the pressure. The day is ending and I am going to run to the site to make sure everything is going as planned when there’s a knock on my door. It’s Sophia.

“Hey you, are you busy?” she asks softly as she walks in my office.

“Never for you, baby. What’s on your mind?” I get up from my chair and move toward her.

“I’m actually here to talk business.”

“Am I not paying you enough, amor?” I can’t even recall the salary we agreed on, figures are running through my head.

“It has nothing to do with money.” I give her a puzzled look. “It’s actually about Will’s company. Are you still willing to bargain on it?”

“Of course, I am. He has many of good projects still pending. I had a sit down with one of his project managers, Sophia, and for what it’s worth it was never my intention to gain anything from sleeping with you.” I know that was her initial thought but I had no clue Will was her late husband.

“I know that now, I’m sorry for ever thinking you would ever be so heartless. Seeing now how committed you are to your work and your passion, made me realize that you would love the company just as much as Will did.”

“Sophia, I approached the company for one reason and one reason only and that was to help. I knew the owner had passed suddenly and I knew that there were unfinished projects. When people are in the same line of business they talk and I just wanted to help; sure I would’ve benefited from it but I would have never left the family high and dry. You just never gave me the opportunity to justify what my intentions were and I saw how upset it made you so I never bothered to bring up it again.” The conviction in her eyes makes me regret my confession.

“You’re right. I came that day and unleashed the ugliness that I thought you were but I was wrong. God, I was so wrong. Forgive me for thinking that you could ever be that heartless person. Forgive me for ever thinking you would ever use me in that way.” She walks toward me and places her arms around my neck. Her belly presses against me.

“You don’t even have to ask.” I hold her tight against me and kiss the top of her head. “I need to go out to the site to go over a few things. Ride with me and we can discuss this further.” She nods and slowly pulls away from my hold.

“Can we discuss it over dinner?”

“Yes, of course, anywhere you’d like.” Because I would do anything to please her and keep her happy.

“I knew you’d say that.” She gives me a devious smile and heads out the door.

Two hours and forty-five minutes later, we are finally heading to dinner. There is nothing more nerve wracking than getting your pregnant girlfriend to dinner. I would hate to have her go starving. She chose our café down the street. I was kind of hoping for tacos but the café is always a good pick.

There are two topics on tonight’s agenda I want to tackle and I hoping I have the courage to get through it. Since there’s no cerveza to give me that liquid courage so I’m going to have to ride this solo. I can already feel the knots and the clammy hands.

The waitress comes by and takes our order. Sophia is hungry and orders a variety of food and asks the waitress for a breakfast item, a pancake. I’m so nervous I just order a bacon cheeseburger and fries.

“Ok, baby, lets get down to business.” I rest my elbows on the table and give her my most serious tone I can possible muster without laughing. “What is this going to cost me?”

She sits up a little straighter and rests her elbows on the table mimicking my movement. “What can you offer me, Mr. Durate?” she says zeroing in.

“What I have to offer is priceless, Mrs. Collins.” I say matter-of-factly.

“What exactly are you offering me, Mr. Duarte?” she asks quizzically.

“Everything I am.”

“Matias, what are you saying?” She moves back toward the chair, her body stiffening as I reach across the table to take hold of her hand. The blush on her face turning pale, the small smile on her face gone, and life in her eyes stolen by the words that were last spoken.

“I’ve been meaning to talk to you about it, I didn’t want life just to pass us by and us continuing to live the way we are living-”

“The way we are living,” she firmly states. She sits a little straighter in the chair and leans in resting her elbows on the table. “What do you mean, Matias?” She says my name as if it’s dirt in her mouth.

“Nothing. Nothing.” I didn’t mean want to upset her but somehow that’s exactly what I did. This is going in the complete opposite direction than the way I’d had hoped.

“What did you mean by it?” she asks again. The need for my explanation is apparent; I need to choose my words carefully.

“Sophia, all I’m trying to say is that I don’t want the years to go by the way the last couple of months have, like we kind of just came together. I want you to want to be with me the way I want to be with you, as a husband and wife. If you love me, how can you not want to be with me? If you love me, how can you not want me there with you, forever.”

The food arrives before she has a chance to respond the waitress asks us if there’s anything else she can get for us and then leaves us to the uncomfortableness of the silence that has fallen between us. She doesn’t respond to what she’s thinking and I don’t ask her to. Instead I opt for the quietness as we eat even though my appetite has long since gone and I fear my future has accompanied it.

We eat.

I pay.

We leave.

Home is only a short ride from the café but the apartment feels like its miles away and so does she. I hate that her distance is growing by only a few words I spoke at dinner. I opened the door for the apartment and saw the hesitation.

“Sophia?” She takes a moment before she walks in, but she walks in. I sigh deeply and walk in behind her. She takes a seat on the couch. I take a seat next to her.

“I never meant for us to come together, we just did. What you’re asking me for is something I don’t think I’m ready for. Am I scared? Yes.”

“Amor-”

“Let me finish. I’m afraid that Will’s memory will slowly fade if I marry another man. I’m afraid of love, I’m afraid of death, I’m just afraid.” Tears stain her cheeks as her last word is spoken. I try to wipe them away but they are coming faster than I can anticipate.

“Sophia, no matter what you do, Will will always be with you. Don’t let fear influence your decisions. Let your heart speak its truth. If right now you don’t feel ready, okay, then you’re not ready. I’m not going to rush you, but I’m not going to lie and say I’m not disappointed. I am but I understand.” She nods and leans into me, placing a kiss on my lips. I quickly sit up a little straighter and deepen the kiss, dipping my tongue into her mouth.

“Mmm, you taste like syrup,” I tease, trying to lighten the mood a little.

She moves, straddling me on the couch and making my jeans tighten as she rocks her hips. I quickly remove her shirt and kiss her down her neck. I remove her bra, taking each breast into my palms and massaging them as I kiss them and pay close attention to her supple nipples. A small moan escapes and the warmth between her thighs becomes more intense causing her to dig her hips deeper. Her belly is making it a tad bit harder than before to lean down to kiss me so she tires but honestly right now more than anything I want to be inside her rather than kissing her. I roll my thumb and index finger between her nipple pulling just ever so slightly causing her to throw her head back and yelp. I didn’t think I could get any harder but I was wrong; it’s so hard it’s painful. I quickly get her to stand and slip down her pants. Good thing they have elastic. I stand and unbutton my fly so fast, not bothering to kick them off. I sit back down and she eases herself on me. She digs her hips into me using my shoulders stability as she gains momentum rocking herself. I match her rhythm and it doesn’t take long before both of us are feel the fire in our core consuming us from head to toe and our bodies lying limply against each other as we come back to our senses.

“You’re amazing.” I kiss her forehead sweat and all.

“I know.” She smiles sleepily.

I kick off my pants and stand up taking Sophia in my arms. “What are you doing?” she yells.

“Taking you to the shower before you fall asleep on the couch.”

“I might get used to this, you know, you carrying me to the shower, you carrying me to bed. Pretty soon I’m going to be so big I won’t want to walk anywhere and you won’t be able to carry me.”

“I’ll always be able to carry you, no matter what,” I say it as a promise.

We shower together and I get out before she does. I gather our abandoned clothes from the living room and my phone just happens to slip out from my jeans. I have three missed messages from Sam. I quickly glance at them.

Sam: Interested in the motorcycle!
Sam: Are you still selling?
Sam: Is the no response, a no? Come on man, it took me this long to convince the wife.

It’s late but without a doubt I want to sell the motorcycle. I am going to be a father soon and hope to be a husband, the last thing I want is to have Sophia worrying if I’ll be making it home.

Me: Meet me tomorrow morning at 7 at the work site.
Sam: That early?
Me: Yeah, before the jobs starts.
Sam: Damn, that’s early!
Me: Do you want it or not?
Sam: I’ll be there at 6:45 am!

Lying next to her and watching her sleep made me realize that I might have lost her today. The inflection that it could’ve caused would have changed my life forever. How can one’s soul bear to lose it’s mate? It seems unfathomable almost as if that would be unrealistic. She snuggles closer into me, my arm immediately wraps around her and I take in her lavender scent, which drifts me off into a state of slumber.

The sound of the alarm startles me awake, it’s early. Too damn early; and as much as I want to stay in bed I force myself out and into the shower since I told Sam I’d meet him. I dress and leave a note for Sophia.

If you wake before I’m home read me:

Amor,

Your coffee is ready just pop a k-cup and press brew. I’m bringing you breakfast (everything on the menu) I just had to run a quick errand this morning.

Love you!

I grab my helmet and quietly leave.

It’s still dark out when I leave the apartment; it won’t take long once Sam test rides this beauty he’s going to be begging to buy it. But I know it’s only right to have him ride it to make sure he gets what he’s paying for. Sam’s leaning against his truck as I approach the job site, I can already see my bike has a new owner before I even come to a stop.

“No, fucking way! I can’t believe you’re really selling!” Sam says excitedly.

“Yeah, there’s more important things I need right now and a bike isn’t one of them.”

“Like what?” he questions circling the bike running his fingers over the leather seat.

“Life.”

“Man, you can enjoy life with a bike,” he states. “It gives you an excuse to escape the wife for a while.”

“It can also take your life.”

“Yeah, I know. I hadn’t really thought of that.” He slaps my shoulder. “But hey, if it’s your time, it’s your time, or at least now it’ll be my time. Hand over the keys, I’m going to take this baby for a spin.” I toss the keys at him and give him a mini crash course just so he can test-drive it around the block. He starts it up and almost runs me over as he tries to take off.

I silently say a little prayer and hope he doesn’t kill himself going around the corner. I lean back against his truck and wait for his return. I hear the roar of the motorcycle approaching as he’s coming in fast toward the truck. I try to move away and see the headlight coming in my direction. The sound of the metal clashing and the engine roaring accompanies the loud ringing in my ears. I can feel warm liquid running down my face into my mouth. It’s blood! I can’t move. Shit! Sophia! The heaviness of my chest is becoming unbearable and I can’t breathe. No, No, No. I promised. It fucking hurts. My eyes are getting heavier by the second and I can feel the pool of blood beneath me.

“Sam.” It’s barely audible. “Sam,” I try again but it comes out sounding like a whisper.

I fight the tiredness I’m feeling and force my eyes open. It’s getting harder and harder to breathe but I just keep seeing Sophia in my mind and her beautiful belly that holds my baby. My eyes close and I jolt myself awake. Please God, don’t let me die, I can’t leave them. Please don’t do this to her, she wont be able to bare it. Please. I fight to stay but I fear my body no longer can so I submit to death robbing me of my last breath.