“You know, you don’t always have to run out of here like a thief in the night,” Matias says, his voice still laced with sleep. “We can have breakfast at least.” I continue to put on my clothes. I can’t look at him, because I will go back on to that bed and forget about the world around us. And that is what had me running this morning. The fact that I felt too comfortable being wrapped up in Matias’s arms. I felt a connection stronger than I have felt before.

Please be the hormones.

“Sorry, I just need to have breakfast with my parents this morning. I did make them come all the way here and I have not spent more than five minutes with them,” I respond.

“I didn’t take you as a woman who hid behind her mother’s skirts.” That has me turning back to look at him. And there he is in all his delicious glory. His messy, dirty blonde hair from sleep, his tan torso displaying his hard, toned abs. Just remembering how my mouth explored every single dent of those abs has me feeling warm. I clear my thoughts away.

“I’m not,” I talk to the bed as Matias comes to turn on to his side, the sheet dropping a few more inches exposing more of his body. Seriously, can’t I catch a break this morning? I set my knee on the bed bending over him. I kiss him so I can have the chance to close my eyes and stop seeing him. But like always I get lost in the kiss for a few seconds.

“I really have to go Matias. I’m meeting my parents for the day.”

I make a move to straighten up, but he pushes me back down on to my back, covering me with his very naked body.

“Sophia, I really didn’t know about your firm or anything. It was just coincidence I guess. What we are building here will always be separate from our jobs.” He comes over me, raining me with kisses, making me giggle. And that is when I feel it, the first flutter in my stomach. I shake the feeling; I must be hungry.

I wiggle out from underneath him, feeling his erection as I make it out. He falls back onto his bed.

“You are killing me, Sophia.”

“See you later,” I say with a smile on my face. The emotions I feel have to be my hormones. I have so many questions to ask my doctor about all these hot flashes and feelings.

Walking into my apartment, I am met with my parents and Katia having breakfast.

“Our daughter returns. She finally realizes she has a home and her own room,” my mother greets me.

“Mom…”

“No, mija. You wouldn’t be in the situation you are in if you would remember that.”

“Seriously, Mom?”

“Just saying. Have you eaten breakfast?”

I was going to say something else but I saw my father shake his head, to just keep quiet. So I pull out a chair and sit down. Hey, I was not passing up my mother’s cooking.

“Are we still going out today, princesa?” my dad asks as he continues to eat his breakfast. My mother and Katia are quiet. I can feel their minds working on overdrive trying to figure out what does this mean. I finish my plate and take it to the sink.

“Yes. I’m all yours today.”

“Go ahead and get ready for the day Sophia, I’ll do the dishes,” my mother volunteers.

“Thanks, mom.”

I walk toward my room and before I can close the door, Katia is in here.

“Say what you have to say,” I tell her. I know she is dying to give her opinion or find out all the details.

“So what happened yesterday? I mean the text was rather vague. And I quote ‘spending the night with Matias’, why? Then I have Susan calling me to ask if you are okay. You left the office in a rush.”

“Susan called you?”

“Yes, after Will’s funeral we exchanged numbers just in case anything happened to you, but you never went back to the firm. So we never talked until yesterday. So, what happened?” she asks again.

“I went to the firm with all the intention of working. I sat through the morning meeting and while I was there, I was going through past project information and I came across a bid for the company. I was appalled that the board was thinking about selling, but Sam assured me that it was just a bid by a prestigious architect and out of respect, they gave him the platform to do his petition in person. What had me livid was who had made the offer, none other than Matias.”

“What? No.” She sounds and looks like I did yesterday. Shocked.

“So I did what any hot blooded woman does who gets betrayed. I went to tell him what he could do with his offer. Which I did for the first five seconds. Then I saw him really saw him and my pregnancy horny-mones took over,” I sigh as I sit on the bed.

“What did he say about the offer? And I think you meant hormones.”

“He said that he made the offer because he just didn’t want to start from zero and such,” I responded. “And I meant horny-mones. He only had a towel wrapped around his fine body. And then all I could think was about my tongue running down his torso, his very sexy torso. God what is wrong with me?”

“Nothing, babe. He is one fine looking specimen. So I get it. Hormones or no.”

They have to be the pregnancy hormones, because I can’t believe any other reason why I would abandon all logic and sleep with him again. And the flutter I felt earlier was just hunger.

“I know there is something else going on in that pretty head of yours, Sophia. I am always here for you, and I will forever be on your side. Whenever you are ready.”

I am afraid to say everything that is going on my head aloud. Afraid of what it would mean for my future, for my heart.

“Why can’t I move past the guilt?” I ask out loud. “How can I have feelings for someone, when for the past year I have been so broken? There were days that I actually died with the grief. Now that seems a distance memory.” I rub my belly. Oh how distant they seem now.

“Awe, Sophia.” She comes to sit with me on the bed, hugging me. I lay my head on her shoulder.
“That must mean that you are healing. Your grief for Will won’t ever go away, it just means that you have stored it deeper in your heart with all of your memories of him. And that’s a good thing, you moving on. We all knew that was going to happen. We are happy it happened. The color has return to your face.”

“Has it?”

“Oh please. Besides Matias and you made a baby, that is a bond that no one can break. I knew you felt something for him. You slept with because emotions were there. You would have never slept with him otherwise, drunk or not.”

“I can’t believe you are okay with this.”

“I have to be. You are my best friend and if anyone has anything negative to say about you, tell them to come to me. I will crush them. On that note, let me leave you to finish getting ready.”

She walks toward the door, but before she crosses the threshold, I stop her. “Katia.” I walk toward her and hug her. “Thank you for being here all this time. I thank God I have you in my life.”

“Right back at you, mamacita.” That brings a smile to my face.

She leaves and once again, I am left with my thoughts. But I push them aside and go spend the day with my parents. I convince them to leave tomorrow. I am doing better. My mother gets upset, because she wants to be here through the whole pregnancy, but I made a deal with her that she could and be with me once the baby is born for however long she wants. I can’t have her here when my emotions are out of whack.

I HAD AGREED to Matias coming with me on my next appointment with the gynecologist. I don’t know what I was thinking. It was that his shirt was off again. It seems that he never wears one anymore. The few times I have been over have always ending the same way.

With us in bed.

Even though it all feels right, it still feels wrong at some level. I am definitely not ready to define our relationship especially when I am still trying to figure it out myself.

So now here we are in the waiting room full of couples waiting to see the doctor. Matias sits next to me, reading one of the many mommy/baby magazines littering the tables in places like this.

This seems very domestic and for the first time, I don’t feel the guilt weighing me down. I still think I shouldn’t be doing this but the pressure in my chest is gone.

“Mrs. Collins.” I hear my name being called and I feel Matias rise with me.

“Oh. You don’t need to go with me,” I tell him. I mean he has seen my vagina enough.

“Sophia, I told you, we are in this together,” he says smiling that stupid panty-melting smile of his. “Lead the way.” I walk in front of him, but that doesn’t make me blind to all the stares he is getting from the other pregnant women in the room. I can feel their blood vessels pumping. Their horny-mones are on full alert. I don’t fucking like it. Can’t they see he is with me? I give them all a bitchy look. They turn away as if they were not doing anything wrong.

We get to the vital area and they do their routine of questions, my weight, and blood pressure and give me a cup to go pee in. When I get out of the bathroom, the scene that is in front of me has me fuming even more. There he is all flirty and handsome, making the nurse giggle and blush. Seriously?

“Are we all done here?” I say a little curter than I intended. But who do they think they are? I mean he came in with me, a pregnant lady. So that should give them the clue that he is the father. And him he should show me more respect than flirting with the nurse or any other girl.

Matias coughs. There is an awkward silence, before the nurse quickly shows us to the exam room.

“I think you were a little rude to the nurses back there,” Matias says as soon as the nurse closes the door.

“Really, you think so?” I respond sarcasm dripping on every word.

“Yes. We were just having a conversation. I had some questions regarding the baby and they were just helping me out. And then you come all out with your claws drawn.”

“I know that when I have questions about the pregnancy, I ask the actual doctor and there is no giggling and blushing involved. I know I have been out of the single loop for a long time but I don’t think getting informed means flirting with the person you want to learn from.”

“Oh my God, Sophia are you jealous?” he asks, smirking at me like he finds the idea funny. But am I jealous? I have never felt that feeling before. Will and I were together since high school and I was always secure enough to know that he was in love with me all these years.

Matias just stares at me waiting for me to confirm his suspicions but lucky for me the doctor walks in giving me the excuse to not respond.

“Hello, Sophia. And who might you be?” Dr. Keetes asks Matias.

“Matias Duarte, the father. Nice to meet you.” They shake hands.

“Weird, I thought the father was deceased. Must have misunderstood.” She and Matias turn to look at me at the same time. One with a confused look and the other with a hurt look.

“Yeah weird. But as you can see he is not,” I say with a nervous laugh. “Can we get this consultation started, because I am starving.”

“Well, okay. We got all your blood work test results back and everything came back normal. Are you getting any morning sickness?” The doctor starts with her questions and I answer them all while Matias remains silent. I can feel Matias next to me, his emotions wreaking havoc on mine. How can I be so attune to his?

“Remember you have to take your prenatal vitamins every day, okay? And don’t forget you have to be very careful during the first trimester. If you feel like anything is wrong, give me a call. Mr. Duarte, you have been quiet, do you have any questions?”

“No.”

“Are you sure? I mean you had my nurses trying very hard to answer all of your questions.”

“I think with you asking Sophia the questions, you answered some of mine as well.” His excitement is gone from his voice. I know what caused it.

“Well okay, but my earlier comment goes for you too. If at any time you have a question, call me,” she suggests with a wink. Seriously, even the doctor.

“Thank you, Dr.Keetes,” Matias says as he get up. “Wait I have just one question, when do we stop having sex?”

“Matias!” I gasp, blushing.

“Technically, while pregnant you have to always take things a bit slower. But you can stop when it stops feeling comfortable for Sophia. Her body will have many changes and she might not feel up to it. And we also have to make sure that everything is okay with the baby. If at some point I think there is a risk to the fetus I will have to recommend you to stop all sexual activity. Does that answer your question?” she says standing up.

“Yes thank you,” Matias replies also getting up.

“Sophia, we will see you in two months and hopefully by then we can know the sex of the child. Matias, I find it wonderful when the other parent comes in with the patient. This is something that was done together so I always encourage both parents to attend the appointments. We always need everyone on the same page.”

“Yes, doctor I think so too. And this will not be the last time you see me here,” he says as he extends his hand to shake hers.

I am the last one to get up; because even though I was in a hurry earlier to leave, I am not now. I know Matias will have something to say. And I am too tired and hungry to argue.

I wave goodbye to Dr. Keetes and go to the check out to get my next appointment and pay my copay.

“I’ve got this,” Matias says before I hand my credit card to the clerk.

“No…”

“I said I’ve got it.” His tone doesn’t leave any room for argument.

“Thank you.”

Once I make it outside, I stop.

“Look, Matias I know why you are upset. I told her that because it was the first thing that popped into my head when she ask me about the father. At that time, I was still in shock about the pregnancy and I didn’t know how you were going to feel about it. So I lied. Katia already got mad at me about it. So I’m sorry if I hurt your feelings. But I was scared. Now, I know you are upset and want to argue but I am tired and hungry. So can you please get mad at me later?”

“Are you done, Sophia?” I shake my head yes. “I am not mad at you anymore. Don’t get me wrong I was at first, but hearing her ask you all those questions, and just being there with you, had me thinking about how you must have been feeling the first time you came here. Scared of the unknown. In the few weeks we have shared, I think I am getting to know you better. I shouldn’t have been surprised that you answered her questions the way you did. I was really hurt, but I am glad that I get to share this with you and now they know I am not dead.”

“So truce, because I am really hungry.”

“Truce. Now let me feed my girls.”

“Girls?”

“Yes, girls. I am convinced we are having a girl because your beauty has to multiply.” The flutter begins and now I know it was not the hunger, because these butterflies are flapping their wings like it is spring. Just knowing he thinks about our baby touches my heart in a special way.

“Oh by the way, we are having dinner with my family tonight.” Matias drops that bomb as we cross the street to the car.

“What!” I stop in the middle of the street. He just looks at me with a devilish smile.

I am so not ready to meet the parents.