After the incredible bachelor party weekend, we had to return to real life. Everyone was exhausted at the end of the trip as we drove back into the city. At one point during the drive, I looked into the rearview mirror to see everyone was sleeping. I reached over and held River’s hand, glad that we finally got a quiet moment to ourselves.

I dropped Blue and Hunter off first at their place. Then I took Harry and Carter to go pick up Pollock at the babysitter’s. They were so happy to see him, and I’d missed the little guy too.

“Wish we could’ve taken you with us,” I said to Pollock as Carter set up the car seat in the back.

“Bringing a baby to a bachelor party? Sounds like the plot to The Hangover,” River said.

Pollock looked thrilled to be back with his dads. He couldn’t stop smiling.

“What’s your secret for raising such a happy baby?” I asked.

Harry shrugged. “Lots of love, I guess.”

When Pollock was settled in the car seat, we drove home.

It was still a bit weird that my brothers knew River and I were together. They seemed to really like him too. But there was still a bit of doubt in my mind. Everything was so new for me, and being in a relationship with another man was exciting and scary at the same time. I was constantly watching how my brothers acted with their partners to get a sense of how to be with River. But I didn’t think I could ever talk to my brothers about their sex life. I didn’t think that either Harry or Blue would be into BDSM like River was. And the more I explored with River, the more curious I got.

We arrived back at my house. Harry and Carter said goodnight and went into the guesthouse. They were exhausted and wanted to spend some time with Pollock to make up for the fact that they’d been gone the whole weekend.

It was just River and me sitting on the couch in the living room. I reached over and touched his leg. Then he leaned in and kissed my lips.

“Are you tired?” I asked.

He nodded and laid his head on my shoulder. “A bit, but I had a coffee at our last pit stop, so I should be okay.”

I smiled. “I want to show you something.”

River perked up. He knew I had a surprise waiting for him. But he wasn’t sure what it was yet.

“I’m going to need you blindfolded,” I said. “Do you trust me?”

I reached in my luggage and pulled out a red tie.

River looked at the tie, then back up at me. “I trust you,” he said.

I tied the tie tightly around his eyes and made sure he couldn’t see anything.

I stood up and grabbed his hand to bring him down into my basement. I could feel how sweaty his palms got as I led him into the cellar.

I closed and locked the door behind us, then stood behind River to take off the blindfold.

“You can open your eyes now,” I said.

I watched him react to what I’d done to the room.

River’s eyes widened to take everything in. “Gray...”

He was lost for words, but I could read his emotions in his eyes.

“Did you do this...just for me?” he asked.

“Of course,” I said. “Who else would I do this for? This is our playroom. Our safe place for us to explore whatever you want.”

I put up purple wallpaper on the walls to make it feel less cold, even though there was still a rustic feel to the room. River walked over and touched the whips that I’d hung onto the wall. Next to it were handcuffs and restraints. I had bought a bed I’d put in the corner of the room. Right under the light in the middle of the room was the sex swing.

“I have to admit I had no idea what I was doing when I was buying everything, but we can always add whatever you want in here,” I said.

River was turned away, and I heard him sniffling.

“You all right?” I asked as I approached him. “Is something wrong?”

I could see he was holding back tears. “Nothing’s wrong, Gray. This is...amazing. I can’t believe you did this.”

I smiled, knowing that even though he looked like he was about to cry, that he was happy inside.

“Whenever you feel the need to be tied up or spanked, I want you to come to me,” I said.

He nodded and wiped his eyes.

“Like right now?” he said with a slight smile.

“Like right now,” I said.

I went over to the cabinet to get some zip ties.

I went back over to him to take his shirt off, then unbuttoned his pants and took those off too. He was standing naked in front of me. I admired his lean and toned muscles as he stood under the light next to the swing.

“Get on it,” I said.

River climbed up on the sex swing, and I used the zip ties to tie his arms and legs to the swing. I made sure it was tight because I knew he preferred it like that.

I ran my hand over his smooth body. He was hard, and his cock twitched as I massaged his legs.

“You’re so fucking beautiful,” I said.

“Thanks, Daddy,” River said.

My hard cock ached in my pants when he said that. I went down on River and rimmed him. Then I sucked on my finger and placed it at his opening and pushed inside him. The swing moved back and forth as I fingered River’s ass.

I felt my heart beat faster. This was going to be the day that I’d fuck another man for the first time. River moaned as I fingered him harder.

I ran my hand over his ass cheek before I spanked him.

River let out a moan that echoed in the playroom.

“Sorry,” he said. “I didn’t mean to moan that loud.”

I shook my head. “I want you to be loud. No one will hear you down here.”

I leaned down and kissed River where I’d just spanked him, and watched his ass turn bright red.

“Who’s been a bad boy?” I asked.

“Me,” River said.

I spanked him again and watched his arms and legs tense up. I unbuttoned my pants and took them off. I stroked my cock as River leaned forward in the swing to see how hard I was.

I put my cock over his and stroked them together.

“You’re so much bigger than me,” River said.

“Too big to put it inside you?” I asked.

River looked at me longingly and shook his head.

I went over to the cabinet and opened the box of condoms to take one out. I brought over the massage oil and squeezed some onto River’s body and rubbed it all over him until his body glistened under the light.

Then I ripped open the condom wrapper with my teeth and rolled it onto my cock.

“I haven’t had sex in a while,” River said. “Please, go slow.”

I nodded and put some oil on my cock and aimed my tip at River’s hole. “I won’t hurt you unless it’s what you want.”

River grabbed the rope of the swing as I leaned over him to kiss his lips.

I slowly pushed inside River, closing my eyes and feeling my cock squeeze inside his tight hole.

“God,” I groaned. “You feel so fucking good.”

The swing tilted back slowly as I pushed deeper inside him.

I grabbed River’s sides and pulled him closer to me, watching my cock slide inside him.

I couldn’t believe I was fucking another man. I couldn’t believe how good it felt.

I spanked River as I fucked him. Sweat dripped off my forehead onto him.

“Don’t stop,” he said. “Please.”

I let the swing do most of the work as his ass moved back and forth against my cock. River’s body tensed up as he took in my entire shaft.

I tried not to look at how red his ass had gotten from being spanked. Even though I’d done it many times before, I still couldn’t handle looking at the welts by my own doing. But River asked to be spanked again. He was right when he said it was like a drug, and I eyed the whips on the wall, wanting to try them out on him.

“Fuck me harder,” River said. “Please, Daddy.”

I loved how needy his voice was.

“If you want my cock, you’re going to have to work for it,” I said.

River grabbed the rope and swung himself on my cock.

“Work for it, baby,” I said.

He gained more momentum and was doing all the work for me. I watched as precome leaked out of his twitching cock.

“You’re going to make me come,” he said.

“How are you going to come with your arms tied up?” I asked.

“Stroke me, please,” River said.

I shook my head and smiled. “I don’t want you to come yet.”

River continued to swing back and forth. I could feel his ass begin to spasm and tighten around my cock. Suddenly, he came all over himself without having touched his cock. Ropes of come erupted from his cock and hit his chest and neck. His eyes widened, and so did mine. We were both surprised he’d come hands-free.

“Holy shit,” I said. “You came just from me fucking you?”

River cheeks turned red.

“Sorry,” he said. “It felt so good I couldn’t control it.”

“I can’t have that happen. You obey my orders in this room,” I said.

I took my cock out of him and went over to the cabinet to get a pair of scissors. Then I cut the zip ties to free him. I carried River from the swing to the bed. His body smelled sweet from his own come.

I grabbed a whip off the wall and made him get on all fours, and I put my cock back at his hole. I teased him with the whip, moving it softly over his ass as I slowly slid inside him again. Then I cracked the whip against his ass. River’s body softened on the bed, and I fucked him harder.

I felt powerful, holding the whip in my hand with him in that position. This was so different from the sex I was used to having. It was animalistic and raw. I thrust deeper inside him and whipped him again. Our moans filled the room, and I felt myself about to come.

“Where do you want me to shoot my load?” I asked.

“Do it inside me,” River said. “Please.”

I fucked him harder and harder. I couldn’t believe sex could feel this good. My body tensed up, and I grunted as I came inside him.

I collapsed on top of him, trying to catch my breath.

“Did you...wear a condom?” he asked. “I feel your come inside me.”

I quickly pulled out of him and saw there was a rip in the condom. River turned around and saw it too.

“Oh, fuck,” I said. “I broke the condom.”

I spread River’s ass and saw my come leaking out his tender hole. My heart raced at what had just happened.

“It’s okay,” River said. “I’m clean. You can trust me.”

I nodded. “I trust you.”

I looked into River’s eyes, and he crawled up to me and kissed me.

I lay next to River and looked at the room I had built. I’d done this myself. It was more elaborate than any other room in my house. And I’d created it just for River. When I looked over at him, he looked happy and relaxed.

It was the red welts on his ass that got me every time. It made my heart wrench seeing what I’d done to him.

River looked over at me.

“Is everything okay?” he asked.

I shook my head.

“I don’t think I can go on with this,” I said. “This isn’t me. I’m not the kind of person to be doing something like this.”

River, who was still naked and covered in sweat, moved closer to me and touched my arm. But I flung him away.

“What do you mean you don’t think you can go on with this?” he asked.

I could see the pain in his eyes. The kind of pain that was emotional and not physical. It was the first time I’d seen him look that sad.

“This isn’t the man I want to be,” I said. “I don’t want to be with someone who wants to get spanked and beaten up by me.”

I was capable of spanking River when I was horny and lusting for his body. But seeing everything in front of me after the fact was too much. I was ashamed. I thought of my brothers, who probably had a normal sex life. I thought about what I would do if Hunter did something like this to Blue. It wasn’t something I would let Hunter do to my litter brother, so why was I doing it to River?

“So, you’re telling me you want to end this?” River asked.

I was conflicted. I liked River. I saw the special qualities in him that made me smile. I saw how caring and thoughtful he was. But I couldn’t accept the one thing that made him who he was.

“I don’t think I can see you anymore,” I said.

River looked at me with wide eyes, and his body was trembling slightly. He looked down at the bed.

“Do you see me as a disgusting person?” he asked.

I shook my head. “Of course not. I think you’re an amazing person. But you need to find someone who loves being a Dom as much as you love being a sub. I’m grateful you introduced me to this scene, River. I’m serious. You’ve taught me so much about myself. But I can’t spank or hit you anymore like this.”

I reached to hug him, but he stood up from the bed and went to put his clothes back on.

“You don’t have to explain,” River said. “I understand. It’s always like this. Just when I think I found someone who understands me, I’m back to where I started.”

River laughed. “I’m the pathetic one who thought I had a chance with you. I thought I could be with a successful lawyer who actually has his shit together.”

I shook my head. “The thing is that I never saw you as someone who was inferior to me. I look down on many people, but you’re one of the few people who I respected. And that’s the reason why I can’t spank you like this.”

River put his shirt and pants on so fast he forgot his underwear on the ground. He opened the door and ran upstairs. I put my pants on quickly and followed him up. I wanted to say sorry. But I couldn’t. I didn’t want him to be upset. But I knew it was a lost cause.

When River had run out the front door, the silence of my house felt unbearable. I wanted to go to the guesthouse to be with Harry and Carter, but I didn’t want to bother them knowing that they were exhausted from the weekend.

I went to my bathroom upstairs and put the water on in the shower until it was scalding hot. I stood under it. The water made my arms and chest turn red, like the welts I’d left on River ass. And for the first time, I realized how good that pain felt. It numbed the strong emotions I was feeling.

I closed my eyes and pretended I was River. I thought about his shy smile and his bright hazel eyes, which looked like they’ve seen too much in this world. I thought about the amount of pain he must’ve been feeling to enjoy getting spanked by me.

I was supposed to protect him. I felt like an asshole for leading him on. He’d met my family, and they’d liked him too.

I knew I needed to talk to my brothers. They’d give me the kind of clarity I desperately needed. I was used to doing everything alone. I prided myself for being strong for not only myself but for my brothers as well. But I couldn’t be on that island anymore. For once in my life, I actually had to seek help. I knew that someone like Harry could help me out. After all, he’d only discovered that he was into other men recently.

I turned off the water and stepped out, looking at the red marks on my body. It hurt as I dried myself with a towel.

I went back into my room and sat down on my bed, looking at the blank walls. I’d told River earlier in the playroom that being with him wasn’t what I wanted. But as I sat on the bed in my empty room, I asked myself if being alone was any better.