What was I getting myself into? First, I had the brilliant idea to bring a male escort to my brother’s wedding. Now, we were doing some kind of weird role-play to get to know each other so that we’d be prepared for the wedding. But after a couple glasses of wine, I was starting to be more comfortable with what we were doing. And though I would usually be too busy for something as ridiculous as this, River sparked my curiosity. I wasn’t gay, but I could appreciate how handsome he looked with his bright blue eyes and blond hair that almost looked white. He had a lean and toned swimmer’s body.

“If this is a date, then I have to take you out,” I said.

“Where do you want to go?” he asked.

“I’ll surprise you,” I winked.

I called a car to pick us up, and it took us to SAVERA, the restaurant that Blue and I went to the other day.

The restaurant was busy for a Thursday evening, and we didn’t have a reservation.

A man approached me. “Hey, aren’t you Blue’s brother?” he asked.

I furrowed my brows to try and remember where I knew him from. “Yes. Aren’t you the owner of this restaurant?” I asked, trying to remember his name.

“Yes, I’m Giorgio. It’s nice to see you back here,” he said before leaning in to whisper something. “I’ll get you a table, just give me a second.”

I smiled.

Giorgio talked to one of his servers, who brought River and me to a table next to the bar.

“It helps to know people, doesn’t it?” River said.

“I didn’t even really remember who he was until he approached me,” I said.

The server brought back menus for us.

“I hope you like this kind of food. I’ve been here a couple of times, and I find it interesting,” I said.

“I was a broke college student not too long ago, and my life isn’t too different now. Any meal is a good meal for me.”

I laughed.

The server returned to ask what we wanted to drink, and I ordered a nice bottle of Chardonnay for both of us.

“So, what kind of people do you usually date?” he asked.

“Wait, are you asking me this for real, or are we still role-playing?” I asked.

“For real,” River said.

I tried to think of the last person I dated, but it’d been so long ago that my memory was fuzzy.

“Blondes usually. I have a thing for blondes. Intelligent women are a turn-on. Someone who can hold a conversation about current events.”

“That sounds like a pretty reasonable checklist,” he said.

“It is. But finding a woman like that is harder than you think.”

“Really?” River asked. “If someone like you can’t find love, then it’s hopeless for me.”

“Don’t say that,” I said. “You’re young, I’m not.”

“And you’re successful, and I’m not,” River said.

“You’ll find your way,” I said. “I was in your shoes when I first graduated. Law school is tough and getting out of law school is even tougher. Just don’t lose sight of your goal, and you’ll get there eventually.”

River nodded. “I sure hope you’re right. I can’t see myself doing what I do now forever.”

There was a part of me that felt bad for River. Sure, I’d hired him to be an escort to my brother’s wedding. But after sitting down with him to really have a conversation, I was starting to get to know who he was. It made me wonder what was going to happen at the end of this.

The server came back, and I ordered some dishes that I hadn’t tried on the menu yet.

“So, say I was a client looking to explore BDSM and I called you. What kind of service can you provide for me?”

“Anything really. My clients want a submissive. Anything that’s safe goes...except for sex and kissing, of course.”

I took a sip of Chardonnay. “Submissive? What does that mean exactly?”

River sat higher in his seat. “So, there’s a dominant and submissive role. The Dom is in charge of the pain and pleasure that he gives to the sub.”

I winced thinking of River in pain. “I didn’t know there was pain involved. Isn’t that scary for you?”

“Well, not being able to pay rent is scarier. So I guess the money is worth the pain.”

I laughed. “Touché.”

“There’s a lot of things that Doms like to do to me. Some like to tie me up, some like to spank me.”

I moved closer to River, interested in what he was saying. I was also worried that other people could overhear the conversation we were having.

“Do you find pleasure in getting tied up and spanked?” I asked.

River nodded, and he blushed. “Yeah. It’s an emotional kind of pleasure to be able to let go and have someone else fully in charge. Have you ever tried it?”

I shook my head.

“It’s addictive, so I always warn new clients that their sex life would change forever once they’re introduced to BDSM.”

Hearing River talk about BDSM piqued my interest. I was up for trying new things. But tying someone up and spanking them? I found it hard to believe that anyone could derive pleasure out of it.

The server returned with the food that smelled delicious.

“So how did you discover that you were into it?” I asked, putting the napkin on my lap.

“I kind of fell into it because I needed something to pay the bills. So it wasn’t really something I knew I liked until I tried it. But once I did, I realized that I’m good at being submissive.”

“What makes a good submissive?” I asked.

“That’s a good question,” River said, taking another bite of food. “I’ve never really thought about that. But I guess I’ve always been pretty empathetic, which helps to understand what my clients want.”

I knew he was a recent law school graduate who was a bit lost. But after getting to sit down and talk to him, he sounded like he was comfortable in his own skin. The thought of spanking someone made my cock hard, and I was surprised that just talking about it made me that turned on.

“So, if you’re good at understanding what your clients want, I have a question for you,” I said. “What would someone like me want?”

He looked into my eyes as if he was trying to figure me out, then smiled. “I don’t think you know what you want.”

His answer surprised me. He was right. I was at a point in my life where I’d just returned home after being in a foreign place for so long. In a different way, I was just as lost as River, trying to find my place back in Toronto. I’d come back to my hometown to my two brothers, who were happily in a relationship. I wondered if I needed someone special in my life too, even though I never thought I did before.

There was something River had that I didn’t. He was at a point in his life where he could do anything he wanted. He was young and had a law degree in his back pocket. I remembered when everything was new and exciting, and life was full of promise. I now had all the money in the world. I’ve done everything that I’ve wanted to do. But at times, I felt empty. Maybe River was my key to something more.

We finished our meal, and I got an Uber for both of us to head back to my place. The wine had me feeling tipsy.

“Crap, I forgot I drove here,” River said as the Uber dropped us off. “I’m going to have to take the streetcar home. There’s no way I’m going to drive home after drinking so much wine.”

“I can order a car for you,” I said. “I’ll feel better knowing you’ll get home safely.”

River shook his head. “It’s okay. You already got me dinner and everything. I should just go.”

“Are you sure?” I asked. “It’s cold, and you’re not wearing much. Besides, I’m not even sure if the streetcar runs this late.”

River thought about it for a second and decided that maybe I was right.

“Okay,” he said.

We went inside my house, and I got on my phone to order another Uber to take River back to his place.

“Hey,” River said.

“Yeah?” I asked.

“I...had a really great evening. Thanks for taking me out to dinner.”

“Yeah, of course. I think our little role-playing thing worked. At least we know each other a bit more now before the wedding,” I said.

River smiled. “So...do you still going to practice that fake kiss?”

I looked up from my phone not knowing how to answer it.

River looked away shyly. “Sorry, forget I said that.”

I wasn’t sure if it was appropriate to kiss him. I didn’t want to lead him on or give him mixed messages. But I also thought about how we had to practice kissing at least once, in case we had to during the wedding.

I went up to him and tilted his chin up to mine. Then I leaned in and kissed him on the lips. I was surprised by how sweet they tasted. They were soft and tasted of Chardonnay.

“There,” I said.

River looked at me longingly with his blue eyes. “What? No tongue? We can’t be fake boyfriends without a French kiss.”

I looked at him suspiciously, knowing what he was doing. But I decided to be open-minded and see what it was like. I pushed him up against the front door and leaned into him. River parted his mouth to take my tongue in, and I kissed him like I would kiss a girl. River’s body softened up to mine, and he let me take complete control.

“How’s that?” I asked.

“That’s better.” River smiled.

My heart started racing at what I’d just done. I wiped my mouth with the back of my arm.

“It’s just a kiss,” River said. “Don’t overthink it.”

I smiled. “You’re right. If I’m going to commit to bringing you to my brother’s wedding, I’m going to have to be more open-minded.”

I could see headlights coming in through the front window.

“I guess my car is here,” River said.

I nodded. “Yeah, I’ll let you go. Thanks for stopping by today.”

“Of course.” He smiled. His lips were rosy from our kiss.

He left, and I closed the door. I was left confused, not because I’d just kissed another man, but because of how turned on I felt by it. Kissing River was different than kissing a woman. River’s body was much firmer, and he smelled of pine and a hint of cologne. I adjusted my erection in my pants and went upstairs to undress in my bedroom. It was unfurnished, like the rest of my house, except for a mattress on the floor. I lay on it.

Even though I was exhausted after a long day, I couldn’t sleep. My mind was racing with thoughts of what it’d be like to try some of those things that River and I had talked about over dinner.

But what confused me was how I wished he was still here.