Chapter Thirteen
♥
Alexandra woke up confused in a hot, dark room, and at first she was terrified she was waking in a psych ward. She couldn’t remember getting into bed. Glowing coals in the fireplace were the only light. She started to sit up, but she was held in place by arms. I’m naked. She lay back, feeling the warm, bare skin of a man on either side of her. She ran her hands over the body on her left. Conor. The arm on the right squeezed her tighter. “Gabe?”
“I’m here, mo ghrá.”
“Why are we in bed?”
“You were freezing. You dived in the water, remember?”
“I don’t remember,” she whispered, holding her temple. “We were fighting downstairs…no, upstairs. Why are we fighting? Why can’t I remember?”
“We’re not fighting anymore, sweetheart.” He pressed up on his elbow to lean over her, but all she could see in the darkness was his outline. He stroked her face, coming closer, barely brushing his lips across hers as he lifted her and pulled her into him. “I love you. Nothing will change that. I’m here. I’m yours. I will do anything to convince you.” He pressed harder against her mouth and whispered against her lips, “Say the feud is over, because you hold my heart in your hands. I need you in my life.”
She closed her eyes, shrieking as she clutched her head. “I’m scared. I don’t remember—”
Gabe stroked her face. “Shh, relax. I’m here. I promise there is nothing to fear.”
“Gabe,” Conor whispered. “Give her a minute.”
Conor left the bed, stoked the fire, and turned on two low lights.
“I’m broken. I don’t remember,” she whispered as Conor climbed back into the bed. She felt him molding against her back. He slid his hand up her leg and over her hip before softly placing his hand on her pelvis. He stroked her skin and whispered, “The memories will come back. The water was ice-cold. You were very cold. I’m not surprised you’re a little confused.”
He pulled her tighter into him, and she could feel his erection pressing against her ass. Her pussy clenched. She reached behind herself to wrap her fingers around his cock. “I remember I wanted you to fuck me, and you refused me.”
“Trust me, love; that will never happen again.”
She slid her hand over the silken flesh of his cock. “You, I believe.”
Conor kissed her shoulder, and she rolled to face him. She lightly touched his face. “You told me you love me.”
“Yes, mo chroí.”
“It was truth?”
“Truth, I love you.”
Alexandra moved closer, kissing him gently, and he kissed her back. She whispered against his mouth. “Have I told you that I love you?”
“Close your eyes, try to remember.”
She closed her eyes, remembering: “Tá mo chroí istigh ionat. Cosain é go maith.”
“I don’t know what that means.” She pulled back enough to meet Conor’s gaze as he sat her on the desk once again. He stayed wrapped around her as he explained, “It means, ‘My heart is within you. Protect it well.’”
He squeezed her tighter when she whispered, “I love you.”
She sighed with relief, opened her eyes, and met his gaze. “I love you.”
He smiled softly. “You remember?”
“Yes. I told you I love you the same day I told you that I feel like a part of me has recognized some darkness in you, and it scares me, this immediate need to have you in my life. I have an intense desire to explore my darkness with you, but Gabe is terrified of the part of me that has no self-preservation switch, so he only wants us together under his supervision.” She stroked his face before turning toward Gabe. “You’ve kept Conor and me apart, and that is why we are fighting.”
“I promise that come what may, I will not orchestrate his time with you.” Gabe leaned in to kiss her, but she pushed him back as her thoughts began to clear.
“You will still control Jonathon?”
“Please, Xandra, don’t take that away from me. I want to be controlled. I like it,” Jonathon said softly from the other side of the room.
“Jonathon.” She said his name with frustration. She sat up, rubbing her forehead, remembering nasty snippets of conversation. She focused her gaze into the dark corner and saw a shadow of movement.
“When I discovered how well Gabe understood the culture, I asked for his protection, because when he brought me to the United States, I had no one. My family was dead to me. My Dom in Ireland was killed…the night I was attacked…and I needed to know Gabe would love me, punish me, and protect me, because without a stable Dom, I tend to behave recklessly, dangerously. No doubt you’ve noticed I tend to get a bit bratty when I’m not accountable.”
Alexandra heard what he was saying, reading between the lines. “Gabe hasn’t been holding you accountable? When did he stop? The night I showed up at the pub, or since the Fairmont?”
“Since he went to Ireland. Our first playdate after his return would have been the Friday night you showed up.”
Perfect. “He had you gagged and bound at the Fairmont.”
“I’m insecure and in desperation, I begged him and shouldn’t have. Please don’t blame Gabe for my bad behavior. Do you want me to leave?”
Alexandra could hear a fear in his voice that broke her heart. She pressed her fingers harder into the center of her forehead. “Why are you in my bedroom?”
“I was afraid, so I was sitting in vigil. I was saying the rosary for you.”
Saying the rosary―for me? Jesus.
“Despite everything, I care very deeply for you Alexandra. I want the four of us to work as a family.” She lay back down, thinking to hard, and closed her eyes. Her fingers trailed over her midriff, finding a wide bandage. Gabe caught her hand. “Leave it alone. You scraped yourself.”
“When?” She was trying to think, but Conor was still stroking her skin so softly, and with him and Gabe so near, so naked…
“Shh, sleep some more,” Gabe whispered.
“No! You’re in my bed and I know I was mad at you.”
Gabe exhaled and the sound was one of frustration, but Conor kissed the back of her neck. “Relax, mo chroí, I promise all will be well between the four of us if you wish to move forward as a committed ménage.”
She rolled to face Gabe. “Will you stop dominating Conor?”
“I don’t dominate Conor. I’ve never dominated him. On occasion he allows me to give him the gift of pain when we’ve played together.”
Gift of pain? His words made no sense.
“He respects me and does as I ask concerning you because he recognizes me as your primary partner. He will always come second.”
“That’s mean.”
Gabe stroked her face. “Reality can be harsh. Jonathon understands your needs will always be met first, his second.”
“If the feud is over, I will try to understand the dynamic of what you share with them, but you will allow me to create relationships with them separate from you.”
“Yes,” he whispered and leaned nearer; this time she reached for him and pulled him into a kiss. He nibbled her lips, and then she sucked and bit his bottom lip. When he slid his tongue into her mouth, she slid hers over it.
Conor ran his hand up and over her left breast and then her right. He was being so gentle. She grabbed his hand and squeezed, forcing his palm into her breast. He imitated the motion and then pinched and twisted her nipple. She cried out and dragged her mouth from Gabe’s. “Maybe back to softer?”
Conor chuckled but softened his touch.
Gabe kissed his way down her neck, and she felt his dick thickening and lengthening between them. He ran his hands over the backs of her thighs, her ass, and her back. She pushed her face against his, and his hands hugged her face before he kissed her tenderly and enticingly.
She felt him sliding his hand over his cock. All she had to do was lift her hips so Gabe could angle himself into her. She kept kissing him, demanding more from his mouth. Gabe moaned into her mouth, and she felt dampness on her pelvis. She slid her hand between them, catching some of his precum on her fingertips when she pressed his glans between her fingers. “Xandra, you don’t need sex; you need sleep.”
“I need whatever I want when I want it from now on, and I say I need my ménage back.” She heard Conor chuckle softly as she wrapped her hand around Gabe’s length and squeezed his cock. She kept kissing him, teasing his lips with her teeth.
“You’re killing me.”
“Shh, relax,” she whispered.
“Trying to be a gentleman and take care of you.”
“Liar. You haven’t been a gentleman since you were a child.” She gently reminded Gabe what he had told her in Montana.
“Still, your health is more important than my carnal desires, so you should stop touching me.” Gabe pushed his forehead to hers, and Alexandra squeezed his dick hard enough to make him moan. “However, if you insist on throwing all sense out the window, I suggest you spread your legs, because I need to be inside you.”
“Not yet,” she whispered. “It can’t always be about you. But then, you were an only child, which explains so much. Patience is—”
“Overrated.” Gabe rolled them, placing her under him as he pushed his knee between her thighs. I need you. Now.”
She pressed her hands between her legs, blocking him. “Tell me you love me.”
“I love you. I never stopped, and I will never stop.”
“Promise me all the jealousy stops now.”
Gabe met her gaze. “It was never jealousy, love. A need to control? Yes. A desire to protect you? Definitely. I still have concerns that you don’t know your limits, and you might allow Conor to take you too far, too fast, but tonight we start over.”
“Do you believe we can start over?” She pulled his face to hers to kiss his lips. “I love you so much, but—”
“I won’t allow you to push me away again. I won’t allow you to punish the ménage by separating yourself from them either,” he replied with such sadness in his voice. “Do you understand?”
“You’d force me?” Her brow furrowed.
“No, I won’t force you, but I might lock us away together until you can see me clearly again. Do you agree to those terms?”
“Is this you dominating me?” Her gaze narrowed, the accusation clear.
“Only a little.” He pulled her hands to his shoulders.
She opened her legs for him and Gabe instructed, “Lead me into you.”
She felt Conor start to leave the bed, but she grabbed his hand, begging, “Please, don’t leave. I just got you back in my bed.”
He stretched out beside them, and she met his gaze only for a moment before taking Gabe’s penis in hand. She aimed his stiff length toward her opening.
He filled her slowly, pressing deep, and then deeper. A sharp sound broke in her throat as she took him in. He felt bigger, or she felt smaller. “Ahhhh, ahhhh.”
She closed her eyes, feeling emotion swell inside her as he moved in and out, and grabbed his back more desperately when he moved a little faster. Gabe slid his hands under her bottom, squeezing her ass as he moved. He pulled her tighter against him with each thrust into her.
“Jesus, Gabe!” she cried out, tears spilled over her cheeks.
He kissed her face. “I’ve missed being with you.”
“I missed being with you,” she whispered, and then the vortex started to lift her.
Gabe used her harder, more roughly, making her keen as he took control. “Come for me.”
She screamed. Coming.
Gabe closed his eyes and jerked hard against her as his own release hit hard.
When she could breathe normally again, she ran her hands down his back. She whispered, “I want you to watch Conor make love to me just as he watched us.”
Gabe nodded and rolled off her, allowing her to turn onto her side and press herself along Conor’s length. She stroked his cheek.
Conor accused, “You were reckless today. You could have died out there.”
“I’m fine, and you’re no gentleman either, so stop trying to wiggle out of having sex with me, pretending to care about my well-being.”
He held her gaze silently, and her heart started racing. She was suddenly unsure he still wanted her, and the uncertainty devastated her heart, making her tremble. A fresh tear slid down her cheek.
He caught the tear on his finger. “What is this about?”
“I’m always afraid you don’t love me and you don’t want me—that you were only ever with me because Gabe ordered it.”
“And for putting that doubt in your head, I may never forgive him.” Conor pushed his face into her neck, and she felt him inhaling her scent. He ran his hand up her body, caressing her ribs and breast on his way to wrapping his hand around the back of her neck. He pulled her just a little closer so that his face was pressed against hers. “You’re right. I’m no gentleman, but I very much care for your well-being, and I’ll not let you doubt it ever again.”
He kissed every inch of her face, so very softly.
“God, woman, if you only knew how badly I want you, and how much I love you.” It seemed he was sucking the air from the room as he kissed her eyelids closed and then claimed her lips. When he released her mouth, he whispered, “Tell me what you need, Alexandra.”
She opened her eyes and met his gaze. “You in me. Let your beast out.”
He shook his head. “You’re in no shape for what I want to do to you, love.”
She smiled as she looked away, blushing. “If you’re worried, make love to me gently. You can do that, right?”
“Aye, I can; the question is, will you be able to take it?” he asked, and then he started demonstrating just how slowly and tenderly he could make love to her. He kissed her palm and kissed all the way down her arm, pressing her hand above her head. “Keep it there.”
She shook her head. “You too? Already trying to dominate me?”
“No, not that. I want you to trust me. Allow me to love you gently as requested.”
She left her hand above her head as he kissed her other arm in the same manner and pressed it above her head with the first. He drew his hands down the lengths of her arms and then down her body as he moved to straddle her. He went about kissing every inch of her bare skin just as he’d kissed her face. The attention left her panting and writhing beneath his lips, and he hadn’t even paid any attention to her nipples or clit. “Enough, enough.” She tried to pull him over her but he was so much stronger. “Please, Conor! You’ve proved your point.”
He whispered, “Relax. I have two weeks of agony to work through.”
“Oh fuck,” she whispered, guessing his plan to torture her with kindness as he pressed her legs open. He kissed along the curve at the juncture of her thighs, carefully avoiding her labia and clit. She arched her back and cried out. She was so close to tears.
“I’m going to lick along the slit of your labia, but first you have to promise me something.”
She was shaking under his touch. “Promise what?”
“That you will never torture us with your silence or unwillingness again.”
She met his gaze, panting with need. “I promise, never again. I promise.”
He licked her as slowly and carefully as he’d so patiently kissed her. She lifted her hips as she begged and pleaded with him to fill her. He ignored her pleas and continued the teasing pace as his tongue dipped just barely into her vagina.
She reached blindly for him as lust and need overwhelmed her. He ducked out of reach, pushing her knees up. He lifted and opened her, laving her perineum with his tongue. She wasn’t sure what it was about Conor, but his every touch whether fingers or tongue, sent spirals of need through her. She needed to know what to do in order to give him as great a pleasure as he was giving her. “Please, please, please.”
He licked gently around her anus, putting the tip of his tongue into her dark hole. “Please what, Alexandra?”
His breath was hot against her sensitive pussy and she felt a trickle of moisture leave her clenching pussy. “I need you inside me, Conor.”
His lips hovered directly over her clit and she wondered if he could feel it pulsing. “Are you sure that’s what you need?”
He licked, barely touching her, and she screamed, arched her back as the white, hot flair of release teased her. She was so close, so very close. “More! More!”
Conor finally moved over her, covering her body with his, but he pushed his cock into her pussy with exacting slowness.
Alexandra moaned and lifted toward him, making him go only slightly deeper than he’d calculated. He hissed against her lips warningly, “Stop. Such a bad little girl. I decide how fast or slow I’m going to fill you. You open to me, taking what I give. Do you understand?”
Little girl? She cried out in frustration, unable to remember a time she’d ever been seen or treated like a child. Now that she’d seen the red room, she understood exactly what he and Gabe had been doing all along, and while they might not be blatantly dominating her, they were taking control of every aspect of their love-making. Frustrated, she shook her head. She would not admit to anyone ever that being cajoled with such blatant pillow talk kinda did it for her but her body responded.
Conor wrapped his hands around her wrists, pulling her hands to his face. She stroked his stubble-covered cheeks and slid one of her thumbs over his bottom lip. He pulled it into his mouth and sucked, making her lose her train of thought. Her hips bucked against him. He kept sucking her thumb as he slid into her deeply, going just a little deeper with each additional thrust. The vortex lifted her and held her aloft.
She made a keening sound in her throat as his thrusts gained power. He leaned down and pressed his mouth to hers. “Mo ghrá thú.”
She whispered back. “I love you too.”
He whispered, “Come on my cock, Xandra.”
She was so close.
He thrust again, hard, and held his solidness deep inside her as he jerked in orgasm. She started a slow, steady spiral down, and her entire body clenched in spasm as she folded around him, coming so hard she thought she might die from the intensity.
Conor kissed her face before lowering her to the pillow, and when he would have released her she held tightly to him, whispering, “Never leave me.”
“Never doubt again how much I love you.”
She looked from Conor to Gabe and suddenly felt so exposed, so weak. She closed her eyes and hid her face beneath her elbow.
CONOR MET GABE’S gaze, waiting for him to say or do something, but when he didn’t, and Alexandra kept shaking, he scooped her into his arms and held her tightly. “Shh, I’m here. You’re okay.”
He pushed her arm from her face, and she buried her face against his chest. He heard her inhaling, and he’d seen her do that so many times—against Gabe, against him, even against Jonathon. She was trying to ground on scent and trying to stop the imminent panic attack. He pushed his face toward hers. “We’re all here.”
He stroked her shoulder and spoke to her in Gaeilge, not sure how much she’d understand but realizing the puzzle of the language was one more thing her mind could grasp on to. “I’ve missed your scent on me.”
She rubbed her fingers over his chest. She whispered, “I’ve missed your scent on me. At night, I dream I’m being held by the both of you.”
“Would you feel better now if we were both holding you?”
She nodded, and Conor lay back, holding her as she came along. “Straddle me.”
SHE FROWNED, NOT understanding as Gabe moved behind her, straddling Conor and helping to lift and turn her to straddle him as well. Gabe leaned against her back and kissed her cheek. “You were so beautiful as you gave yourself to Conor. Thank you for letting me see just how much he cares for you. Let us make up for lost time by loving you together?”
She turned her head and pushed into his face, rubbing. She whispered, “I don’t understand.”
“Yes, you do. Ride him.”
She met Gabe’s gaze, seeing him nod at her. She lifted her hips, and Conor angled his erection into her. As she lowered herself, Gabe rubbed his hands over her body.
She moaned as Conor sank deep.
Gabe kissed her neck, moaning with her.
She rocked her hips, feeling Gabe’s hands slide down. He gently rubbed her clit with one hand as he wrapped his arm around her, holding her tightly. She relaxed, pressing her cheek against Gabe’s chest. He whispered, “That’s it, sweetheart.”
Her breathing hitched, and Gabe pulled his fingers away from her clit, whispering, “Not yet. Enjoy the ride a little longer.”
Conor slid his hands up her arms and started to pull her down against his chest.
She gasped but realized Gabe was still moving with her, following her down.
Gabe spit on his fingers and took the fluid to her anus. A moment later he was pressing his cock against the puckered hole. She resisted, crying out as she felt him enter the tight passage.
“Try to relax.” Conor caught her jaw and started kissing her urgently.
Gabe filled her fast, stealing her breath and making her fold around Conor as pain stole through her. He leaned over her. “Sorry, love. You’re so tight from being away from us so long. I know that wasn’t pleasant.”
Gabe held perfectly still, and she knew he was waiting for her to relax, but it seemed an impossibility. He blew on her neck and she arched, turning her head to meet his lips, and he caught her chin to hold her in place as he claimed her mouth.
She relaxed beneath Gabe and turned back to Conor. Gabe dropped kisses on her shoulder and started sliding back and forth.
CONOR COULD FEEL her tension lessening. “That’s it. Take us both. Ride me while he’s riding you.”
He stroked her arms. “Look at me.”
She cracked her eyes open.
“Nice try, sweetheart. Let me see your eyes.”
She opened her eyes, showing him the pain and pleasure caught in their depths. Conor started thrusting under her and saw the moment the pain switched to pure pleasure. He smiled with half his mouth. “Yeah?”
She nodded, but her eye contact started to waver.
“Eyes on me, sweetheart. Let me see it happen; let me see the climax take you.”
Her brow creased as a low growl started in her throat.
“Good, baby. Let it build.”
He met Gabe’s gaze for a moment and hitched his chin. Gabe grabbed her pelvis, pushing her down onto Conor’s cock just that bit more. She arched her back, screaming as Gabe started thrusting hard and fast.
Her gaze stayed locked on Conor.
“God, Xandra,” Conor whispered as orgasm ripped through her. Conor came next, pulling her against him as tight as he could, taking the last few thrusts deep. Gabe pushed deeper as well, crying out before collapsing over them both, and for a moment their labored breathing matched. Conor swore softly, “Jesus.”
Alexandra started laughing between them, and Gabe lifted his weight, rolling off but only going onto his side to wrap around both of them.