Chapter Eighteen
♥
When she woke from dozing, the sky was still gloomy and gray outside the tall, heavily curtained windows. The room was cast in a hazy, dreamlike gold, and she couldn’t figure out if it was dusk or dawn.
The ropes lay on the floor beside the bed.
Alexandra rolled onto her side and stroked Gabe’s perfect abs. “I saw you without your shirt often enough in Belfast, and this is not the same body.”
Gabe’s lips twitch. “A lot changed after you left Belfast.”
“Tell me about that time.”
“After you left? There really isn’t much to tell.”
“Liar. I know some just by looking at you. So, you started working out, you joined the Irish Army, you worked for the Department of Defense, and at some point you learned shibari, tied up lots of people”—she rolled her eyes—“bought a pub, and some land near Cincinnati.”
“Why did you roll your eyes when you said ‘lots of people’? Are you irritated there were other women, or you don’t believe there were lots of women because I never said anything about any woman and so you are envisioning men?”
“Well, you didn’t become a master of shibari without tying up a lot of people. Women? Men? I don’t see that part as making a difference.”
He stroked her face. “Would it bother you if there were lots?”
“I imagine lots; it only means I have some catching up to do in order to reach your expertise in all things sexual.”
He laughed. “It isn’t a competition.”
“It’s a competition, and if you don’t believe me, ask your boy toy, Jonathon.”
A shadow crossed over his face that she didn’t understand, but he hid it away when his phone vibrated on the nightstand, and he lifted it to read a text message. He snickered and typed a quick return message.
“What was that about?”
“Conor letting me know Rowan is asleep, a guard is posted at her door, and Mamó has returned from playing cards down at the pub in town. He thought we might want to tone it down.” He laughed.
“Oh God! Jesus! Thank God she was playing cards! I was too loud.”
Gabe smiled. “She’ll be talkin’ like a wet wellyboot the rest of the night.”
“I have no idea what you just said.”
He chuckled and pushed his forehead to hers. “You’ve been away from the island too long, lass. We must go to a pub and get you rote of to refresh your memory. If I remember correctly, your Irish is much better when you are highly intoxicated.”
“Next trip, when there’s not a price on my head,” she deflected, forcing a smile. She’d been blaming stress induced nausea as a reason to not drink for weeks. “Sooo, Mamó is drunk?”
“Most definitely. I’ve asked Jonathon to make sure she eats something and gets tucked into bed without falling and bashing her fool head.”
“Jesus! Should you go check on her?”
He winked. “She’ll be fine. Getting out of the house for a few hands of twenty-five and a few drinks was her idea. How I chose to spend my time in her absence was purely mine.”
“Well, I’m glad she wasn’t here to hear the racket we made.”
“We?”
She shrugged, laughing softly. A tap sounded at the door, startling her.
“Enter,” Gabe called out. He rubbed her thigh through the sheet and blanket covering her. “Relax.”
“I hope you’re starving, because Jonathon got a bit carried away once he was finally allowed in Mamó’s kitchen.” Conor came in carrying two plates.
Alexandra ducked her head, suddenly overcome by embarrassment. She closed her eyes, imagining him having to step over the ropes and her clothing still on the floor.
Gabe took both plates and set them on the nightstand.
Another tap on the door. Oh God, it gets worse and worse.
“Come in.”
Jonathon followed with two glasses, a glass jug of cold water, and two bottles of beer. He obviously saw the ropes, and his face revealed more emotion than she’d really wanted to see. He spoke directly to Gabe. “Need anything else? I need to get back to Mamó. She was stirring pots and cussing like a sailor when I left her. I blamed the kitchen mess on you.”
“Thanks, bráithre,” Gabe quipped.
“Anytime,” Jonathon answered sarcastically and went back out.
Conor looked down and kicked a bit of rope from underfoot. “At least you made good use of her absence.”
“Best use,” Gabe assured him.
Alexandra officially wanted to crawl under the bed, but she forced herself to meet Conor’s gaze.
He asked, “You’re all right?”
“Yes, Conor, I’m fine. No harm, no foul, no blood.” She tilted her head, widened her eyes, and prayed he heard her telepathically sent Shut the fuck up!
He nodded and left the room.
“What was that about?”
“You both worry too much about what the other is going to do to me and whether or not you’re going to hurt me, maim me, or kill me. Jesus.” She left the bed. “I have to pee. I’ll be back.”
Alexandra wrapped herself in a robe and ran from the room. Once through the door, she found Conor in the hall, waiting. She looked up at the ceiling. “Seriously?”
“You need to tell him your suspicions! Rope play might be dangerous if—”
She pushed her fingers to his mouth and whispered urgently, “No fucking way! And they’re your suspicions, not mine. I was safe. He didn’t do anything too intense.”
She remembered how she’d felt in the ropes, knowing she’d just lied to him. She’d never felt anything so powerful before, but then she considered the spanking; that was pretty potent too.
She tried to go toward the bathroom, but he held her firmly and forced her to meet his gaze. “Do I have to say to you again―he is your primary. He is going to be your husband! Stop hiding things from him. Hiding that you are off your meds is big. Hiding a pregnancy is bigger! You stay mad at him keeping secrets from you, but then you’re just as bad, aren’t you?”
“When I decide there is something to tell, I will. Until then, I’m not going to worry him about what may or may not be.”
Conor released her, and she rushed down the hallway and locked herself in the bathroom. She was shaking, partly embarrassment and partly fear as she ran her hand over her stomach, noting that there was a fullness to her low abdomen that hadn’t been there even a few days before. Fuck. Fuck! She hugged herself and rocked, not sure if she was praying or just talking to herself. “I need more time. Just a little more time to figure everything out.”
♥ ♥ ♥
When she returned to the bedroom, she found Gabe trying to decipher the mechanics of her food log. He didn’t look up when he asked, “Are you okay?”
“Fine,” she answered quickly. “Took a shower.”
He nodded. “I’ve determined Karen is both insane and illogical for making what should be such a simple task furiously impossible.”
She tried to ignore him as she read the first of the baby e-books she’d received earlier in the day to help her understand Rowan.
“I quit. I need Conor to look at this.” He sent a text, she assumed to Conor, because a few minutes later he poked his head in. “What’s up?”
He met Alexandra’s gaze before Gabe’s.
“Any chance you remember the app we used when we were trying to help Jonathon gain muscle? It tracked everything Karen tracks by hand and sends a warning when calorie goals are not being met by a set time.”
Conor sat on the edge of the bed, scanned through his phone, and found it. Between the two of them, they had all her calorie, fat, carbohydrate, and protein targets, with current weight and exercise goals, programmed in. There were alarms set for when medication and calorie goals were not being met, with a backup message sent to both her and her “diet buddy” Gabe, who would be responsible for “encouraging her” when she wasn’t meeting her daily goals.
She closed her eyes, trying not to go cross-eyed when they explained how it worked. “I don’t pay Karen nearly enough. Make her come back, because I will not remember to do all of that.”
“She is on a four-week, company-paid vacation to five-star luxury hotels, complete with spa and winery tours. Trust me; you pay her enough,” Gabe assured her. “And no, I’m really enjoying the privacy.”
“If you pay your employees what they are worth, they become more loyal than if you pay them only the going average.”
“Really?” Conor inquired. “What marketing guru gave you that advice?”
“I haven’t heard any of you three complaining since you’ve been pulling a company hazard pay salary.”
“And you aren’t going to,” Conor said, laughing. “I thought Jonathon was going to have a heart attack when he got his first week’s pay. He thought it was a mistake. I told him I was certain sleeping with the CEO came with a lot of additional perks.”
She shook her head and swatted at him. “I didn’t give you any extra perks! Jesus! HR figured out all the details. I’m just glad to have your company along with your protection.”
“If your company pays your entire security force what you pay us, I may have to talk to your HR people. You are going to go broke.”
“I won’t go broke; besides, most of my security team doesn’t receive hazard pay on a regular basis.”
A soft tap sounded at the door. “Enter.”
Jonathon peeked around the edge of the door. “Private party?”
“No, it’s not a private party,” Alexandra assured him. Why did I have to see the pain and fear so clearly on his face? “Please, join us.”
He closed the door behind him. “I waited to make sure Mamó was sound asleep. She is one feisty drunk. I had to dance with her before she’d go to bed.”
Gabe agreed. “Sounds about right.”
Jonathon knelt and coiled all the ropes, cleaning up the mess Gabe had made. Only once everything was put away neatly did he sit at the foot of the bed. Several moments of intensely awkward silence followed. Alexandra glanced at each of them, and it appeared they were each doing exactly the same.
“Okay, just gonna say it,” Jonathon complained. “This is weird. What happened? Why is this weird?”
Conor scratched his eyebrow and ducked his head.
Please don’t say anything. Please, please, please.
Jonathon looked at Gabe, lips obviously sealed tight as he pressed them together. He suddenly went from fine to angry. “Is it because I came in?”
“What?” Gabe asked, but all three of them stared at Jonathon. “Why would you even say that?”
Jonathon snickered. “It’s what she wants, you and Conor, me out of the picture completely.”
“That’s not true,” Alexandra insisted.
Conor boxed his head. “Stop being paranoid, mate.”
Jonathon raised both hands and backed toward the doorway. “No. Every day it’s her temper tantrums, her needing so much attention from everyone. I’m done.”
The door slammed behind him, and Rowan’s wail came through the baby monitor a moment later. Conor left the room, and his voice soothing Rowan was clear over the monitor.
Gabe closed his eyes. “I’m sorry. I’ll go talk to him.”
Alexandra watched him go and then turned the lock on the bedroom door. She climbed back into the bed, knowing the three of them would figure it out eventually.
Conor knocked first, having settled Rowan back in her bed quickly.
She went to the door and cracked it open. “Sleep in your room, Conor. I’m done tonight. I’m sure Gabe is somewhere fucking Jonathon about now.” She shook her head. “I don’t care. Just make sure he doesn’t knock on my door tonight before you retire.”
Alexandra tried to close the door, but Conor had already pushed his boot into the space. She met his gaze.
“No.”
A muscle tightened in her jaw. “Can you explain what just happened with Jonathon?”
“Nope.”
She nodded. “Can Gabe?”
“Yes.”
“Jesus fucking Christ. After Gabe explains it, you can come in. If he fucks Jonathon all night, you’ll have as long a wait as me for answers.”
“I assure you, they are not fucking.”
“All I have is my imagination, because you believe Gabe should explain his and Jonathon’s relationship to me, and he isn’t forthcoming either.” She leaned her weight into the door, trying to close it.
“Are you completely daft? Stop! Before you hurt yourself.”
“Move your foot.”
He did, and she closed the door, and she heard him slide down the wall. There was soft conversation between him and the agent outside the door, but it was too soft to make out. She closed her eyes, knowing if she kept the door shut against them, it might escalate into days or weeks again—because she was insane or OCD or—
She whispered, “Damn it,” and opened the door.
Conor met her gaze through the cracked door before she turned and walked away. He took the open door as an invitation and found her crying. “What’s this, sweetheart?”
“Worry? Obsession? Hormones? Your guess is as good as mine at this point. I’m obviously not thinking clearly. You promised you won’t say anything to Gabe about what we talked about earlier, so my admission is off the record?”
“You asked me not to. That doesn’t mean I’m not worried and maybe just a little terrified of what the consequences will be of you being off your meds.”
“The worst would be if I go completely off the rail and try to hurt myself or someone else, but I’ve never done so before, so I don’t expect to. Usually I become paranoid, hide, stop eating, and get very drawn into my work.”
“We’re not at the lab.”
“That’s why I run. It sets my mind free.”
“You can’t keep pushing yourself so hard.”
“I know. After the wedding—”
“No! I won’t let you keep this pace that long. Days, Xandra, I’m giving you days to make peace with this. You have to take a pregnancy test, and if it’s positive, you will tell Gabe, and we will call in doctors to consult.”
She crossed her arms and stared at him.
“I lost Aisling to her demons. I won’t lose you to yours. No arguing. Eat.”
Alexandra pouted, took the plate, and started to eat a cracker. “Tell me about Aisling. How did you lose her?”
“Heroin overdose while I was fighting a war.”
She gasped, feeling like shit for asking.
“She struggled with depression after our first son died, and she could barely look at our twins. Her mother had to step in because I wasn’t there. I’d joined the army to help support us because I couldn’t get a job. It was only after I deployed the second time that I realized she couldn’t take care of our babies.”
“I’m sorry.”
“It was a long time ago.”
Alexandra focused on the blanket. “I won’t fight you. I’ll take a pregnancy test if I haven’t started my period by next week.”
“Thank you.” Conor stretched out beside her and rubbed her bare skin.
She ran her hand over his jeans, cupping and squeezing his cock and balls through the fabric, but he grabbed her wrist. “Sleep.”
She whispered, “Fuck me. Please don’t turn me down.”
“I want you to sleep because you are exhausted. That’s not refusing to have sex with you; that is being considerate of your needs because I love you, Alexandra MacKenna, and I want you healthy.”
“I love you, Conor Larkin.” She stretched out beside him but lifted enough to kiss him.
He cupped her face and kissed her deeply. She unzipped his jeans and slid her hand beneath the elastic of his briefs before pushing down the front to free his erection. She squeezed his balls and rolled them in her hand, kissing him just as slowly and gently as he was kissing her.
“What are you doing?”
She smiled wickedly. “Changing your mind. I need you to make love to me. I need my mind reassured the new rules are working. Need I remind you, your refusal to make love to me at the Fairmont is what triggered my ire before Gabe fueled the flames?”
Conor pushed his briefs off and crawled over her. “I guess we better begin.”
He kissed her ardently but filled her slowly. He rocked against her, pulling her hips to him as he slid his tongue teasingly back and forth over her tongue. She made aching sounds in her throat. He slid his hands up her back, lifting her. “Wrap around me, love, arms and legs. Hang off me.”
Alexandra looped her arms tightly around his neck and wrapped her legs just as tightly around his middle. He supported the position with a one-hand push-up and held her bottom in the other hand, as he rocked her, thrusting gently. She felt like she was floating on air as she watched emotion cross his face. Her back arched as the first wave of pleasure picked her up.
“That’s it; relax into it,” he whispered.
She moaned, the vortex of pleasure lifting her higher and higher each time her body swung to meet his thrusts. She whimpered as the need overwhelmed her. “That’s it. Give me all the love you’ve been holding back from me, sweetheart.”
She sobbed, emotion destroying her, and whispered, “I love you; I love you,” as the vortex dropped her into a free fall of emotion and overwhelming pleasure.
Holding her tightly, Conor growled as his own need spent. “Mo ghrá thú, Alastriona MacCionaodha. I am yours, forever and more.”