Landon

 

Without Vivian, I don’t know what to do. Leaving her turned my world upside down, and I can’t fucking cope without her. It’s hard to say what I miss the most–her sweet smile, that killer body, the little way she has of explaining things to me that makes me feel like she’s sharing her life with me.

 

I’m a fucking goner. When I’m dead, they can write: “Landon Lockhart, Ruined by a Woman” on my tombstone.

 

Getting kicked out of Blacktop Chaos has left me reeling, but it doesn’t hurt as much as I thought it would. In fact, I figure that I kind of deserve it. I fucked up. I screwed the boss’s daughter. The sad irony is, if Steel could read my mind, he’d know that I never meant Vivian any harm.

 

I love her deeply. I can feel it in my bones whenever I think about her. I love her, and I want to give her the best kind of life.

 

But I don’t know how I can possibly do that without doing a little recon work first.

 

I don’t want to call Blade–not just yet. If I want this harebrained plan to work, I’ve gotta do the first few steps on my own. Climbing onto my bike, I ride through the trees and snake through the back roads of Texas. I know that I have to find the man I’m looking for. Of course, the man is actually dead–the man with the birthmark. But I need to find out where he came from, and why the hell he was so intent on hurting Vivian.

 

My first stop is a bar, Starlight, just outside of Big Hill. It’s the same bar where I saw him before and confronted him. And killed him. I know that I’m persona non grata in there, but maybe now that I’ve been kicked out of Blacktop Chaos, I’ll get a chance to speak my mind.

 

Parking my bike outside, I swagger into the bar. No one even looks up. There’s a cute little blonde bartender slinging drinks, but I barely glance at her. In the old days, the pre-Vivian days, she would’ve been the type of woman that I’d have taken home. But now, every other girl just looks plain and boring to me. None of them have Vivian’s spunk, her smile, or her heart.

 

God, I’m turning into a real pussy, I think as I slide onto a stool.

 

The woman walks over to me with a big smile plastered on her face. Up close, she’s not even that pretty. Her face is worn with fine lines and her brassy hair is obviously bleached. Two-inch dark roots can’t be hidden by the elaborate hairdo that she’s sporting.

 

“Hey, hon,” she says in a sugary-sweet voice. “What can I do you for?”

 

“Just a beer,” I say with a grin. “Whatever’s on tap.”

 

The faux-blonde wriggles away. Seconds later, she slides a tall glass foaming with ale over towards me. I take a long swig, glancing around the bar. There aren’t any friends of Blacktop Chaos here. In the corner, two guys from a rival MC, the Midnight Devils, are playing pool. I stare at them for a few seconds. They see me and give a nod, but I know they won’t be coming over to say anything.

 

“Can I get you anything else, sugar?” The blonde leans close, batting her mascara-ed lashes and pushing her arms together to generate an impressive line of cleavage. “You want some wings? We’re doin’ a special tonight–twenty-five cents.”

 

“Sure, babe,” I say smoothly, even though I’m not hungry at all.

 

When the blonde comes back with my food, I grin. “Hey, hon,” I say. “You wanna help me out?”

 

She giggles. Internally, I roll my eyes. No man on earth would believe this woman was genuinely interested, but here we are, playing the parts.

 

“Sure I do,” she says. Her Texas accent is thick and syrupy. “What’s up, sugar?”

 

“Well, I met a man in here last week,” I drawl. “With a big red mark on his face, right here.” I tap my cheek for emphasis. “We got into a little spat. Have you seen him?”

 

“Why, sure,” the woman says. She winks. “You lookin’ for him again?”

 

I stare at her. My stomach is churning–what the hell is going on? That guy’s dead…I know, because I killed him.

 

“Uh, yeah,” I say, sipping my beer and trying to look casual. “I wanna talk to him.”

 

The woman giggles. “I ain’t supposed to tell you this,” she says quietly, leaning over the bar and resting her massive tits against the shiny, beer-stained wood. “But he got hurt real bad last week. Someone really knocked him out.”

 

Holy shit. She doesn’t know who I am. It’s hard to keep a neutral expression on my face at this astonishing revelation. I didn’t actually kill him?

 

“Oh yeah?” I raise my eyebrows and lean closer, smiling. “And where is he now?”

 

She shrugs. “Ain’t seen him today,” she drawls. “His name’s Branden. He ain’t too friendly,” she says. “I bet that’s the reason why he got knocked out like that.”

 

I nod. “Look, do you know who he rides with?”

 

The blonde narrows her eyes, suddenly suspicious. “And why would you be askin’ me that, sugar?”

 

“It’s for a friend,” I say, rolling my eyes. “You know–who’s just wondering.”

 

She nods. “Well, I can’t be sure, but I’m pretty sure he rides with the Helldogs,” she says.

 

Excellent.

 

“Alright,” I say. I pull a twenty-dollar bill out of my pocket and fold it into quarters, sliding it across the bar. “You’ve been a real help, ma’am. Keep the change.”

 

The blonde beams at me as I slide off the stool and swagger over to the corner of the bar where the two men from the Midnight Devils are still engaged in what looks to be a close game of pool.

 

I have to wait for a few seconds before one of them turns to me. When he does, I can see that he’s already drunk and looking for a fight. I know I have to play it cool. This is the kind of thing I’m used to doing, except I feel almost out of practice. It’s been too long since I’ve had to talk my way out of something, but I know I can’t fuck this up.

 

“Scuse me, gentlemen,” I say, leaning over the table. “You happen to know where I can find the Helldogs?”

 

The bigger of the two guys glares at me. He’s about my size. If it weren’t for the other one, I know that I could take him.

 

“The fuck you asking me for?” The man growls. “I’m not a fucking pussy like they are!”

 

“Right,” I say. “I know they hang out here sometimes.” Pulling my wallet from my back pocket, I fold two fifty-dollar bills in half and slide them across the pool table, hidden under my hand. The guy spots the money and perks up, plucking the bills from my hands and tucking them in a pocket.

 

The two men glance at each other.

 

“Branden was in the hospital,” one of them says. “Some big blonde guy knocked him out. One of those Blacktop Chaos assholes.”

 

I nod, like I’ve never heard the name of my former MC before in my life. “Right,” I say. “And do you know why?”

 

The man snickers. “Branden wanted to kidnap the daughter of the president of Blacktop Chaos,” he says, shaking his head. “That was a fuckin’ stupid plan, man.”

 

“Yeah, it sounds like.” I’m sweating bullets, waiting for someone I know to stride into Starlight and ruin my cover. But without my cut and Blacktop Chaos patch, I’m practically invisible. I haven’t felt this unremarkable in years.

 

“Well, Branden was talkin’ about it again last night,” the other guy says. He leans close. “He just fuckin’ got out of the hospital and he’s already tryin’ to prove to his boss that he’s got what it takes.”

 

My heart sinks. “So they still wanna snatch her?” Horrible thoughts start going through my mind, a million miles per minute. Vivian, lying bound and gagged on the ground while a bunch of men snicker and paw at her. Steel, dead, a gunshot wound to the head. Me, desperately searching for her and never seeing her again. My stomach twists into a knot and I feel like I’m gonna throw up.

 

Hold yourself together, I think. This is important. These guys can’t find out who you are, or everything’s fucked, including you.

 

The guy licks his lips and whistles. “Oh, yeah,” he said. He smirks. “You would, too, if you ever saw her. Real innocent lookin’ little bitch. Like, girl-next-door type, you know?”

 

The urge to grab the man by his throat and throw him into the wall is strong, but I manage to swallow and nod like I know exactly what this guy is talking about.

 

“Right,” I say again. “Well, thanks, y’all have been real helpful.”

 

“Why you wanna know?” The bigger guy steps closer, his hands balled into fists. “What the fuck are you gonna do with this information?”

 

I grin, trying to look as innocent as possible. ”What information?” I ask, stepping away from the pool table. “We didn’t talk just now,” I say again, turning on my heel and walking out of the bar.

 

I’m almost positive that one of the Midnight Devils is going to follow me out of Starlight, but thankfully, I make it outside unscathed. My bike is standing exactly where I left it. Before they can come running after me, I climb on and start heading away from the bar, towards the trees.

 

My mind is racing. It’s killing me inside. I know that I have to call Steel, to tell him that the Helldogs haven’t given up their plot to kidnap Vivian. Now I’m more worried than ever about the safety of the woman I love. If something happens to her and I wasn’t able to warn Steel about it beforehand, it’s going to be my fault.

 

That thought weighs heavily on my conscious as I ride back into Big Hill. Never has my Texas hometown looked more ominous. I rack my brain for potential solutions as I drive, desperately trying to think of a way to help Vivian. I’m not even concerned about clearing my name with Steel. I don’t care if he takes me back into Blacktop Chaos after this is all settled and finished.

 

I just care about her.

 

For a moment, I’m tempted to look up the Helldogs and try to take them out myself. But rationally, I know that’s not a good plan. There has to be at least twenty of those guys, and while I’m good fighter—and decent shot—there’s no way I’ll be able to do it on my own.

 

Out of desperation, I stop in a grocery store and buy one of those cheap phones with the prepaid minutes. I know who I need to call, but it’s not going to be easy.

 

“Hello?”

 

“Blade, don’t hang up. It’s Landon.”

 

There’s a long pause where I fear that my best friend has done exactly that–give up on me.

 

“What, man?” Blade sighs. “I shouldn’t even be fuckin’ talking to you! Steel wants you dead, man. He wants you gone from this world.”

 

“I know, but I have news,” I say quickly. “I went back to Starlight, that bar. Turns out that guy with the birthmark, Branden, isn’t dead. He’s still alive. He just out of the hospital today.”

 

Blade doesn’t reply.

 

“Hello?” I yell into the phone. “Blade? You there, man?”

 

Blade sighs. “Come over,” he says heavily. “We can’t talk about this on the phone.”

 

With an increasing sense of dread, I ride over to where Blade lives. He moved out of the big Blacktop Chaos clubhouse when he hooked up with Robin, and they’ve got their own place on the outskirts of town. It’s not much, but Blade put a lot of effort into fixing it up and the two of them have made a home there. It’s hard not to feel jealous when I see the way Blade and Robin can have a happy, normal, public relationship and still stay in Steel’s good graces.

 

“Hey, man,” I say to Blade. He looks at my warily. Instead of going in for a tight hug like usual, we shake hands.

 

Robin’s in the kitchen, making hot tea. I expect Blade to chase her out, but she settles comfortably down in one of the chairs and pulls out her phone.

 

I raise my eyebrows at Blade. He shakes his head, and I sigh, realizing that since I’m not officially in Blacktop Chaos anymore, we won’t be talking “club talk.”

 

“That asshole’s still alive,” I say through gritted teeth. “And he wants to find Vivian and snatch her.”

 

Blade shakes his head. “How the fuck did you find all this out, man?”

 

When I tell him the story of going to Starlight and bribing the Midnight Devils, Blade shakes his head. Even Robin lets out a whistle from the table. After a few seconds, she gets up and joins us.

 

“So, I gotta talk to Steel and tell him what I found out,” I say. “But I can’t call, and I can’t fuckin’ show my face over there.”

 

Blade and Robin exchange looks. “You gotta try,” Blade says after a moment. “I can’t go. Steel’s gonna think it’s real fishy if I suddenly show up with this information.” I wince when I understand what he means. Blade can’t tell Steel or else Steel will know that he’s been helping me which would mean getting kicked out of the club.

 

“But what do I say?” I throw my arms into the air, feeling helpless and frustrated. “I don’t fucking know what to do man. It’s like I’m fucking damned. I have to sit here and just watch these assholes try their hardest to hurt Vivian!”

 

Robin looks at me, a sly grin on her pretty, scarred face. “So, you really care about Vivian, huh?”

 

I look at her. “I do,” I say. “I’m not sure what that has to do with it though. This is about doing my job. This is about showing Steel that I’m still loyal to the club.”

 

Robin shakes her head. “I doubt that,” she says wryly. “If you didn’t give a shit about Vivian, you wouldn’t care. You’d just be angry. You wouldn’t care about Steel realizing his mistake.” For a moment, she bites her lip, almost like she’s afraid she’s said too much. But when Blade doesn’t speak up and criticize her, Robin keeps talking: “I know Vivian loves you, Landon. She’s confused. She thinks you don’t love her.”

 

I wince, remembering the conversation I had with Vivian after our sex in the shower. She’d been so heated and angry that I’d almost tricked myself into believing she really hated me.

 

“I don’t know,” I say, running my hands through my hair. “I mean, it doesn’t matter what she thinks about me. This is about her safety.”

 

Robin giggles. My head snaps up and I stare at her.

 

“What?” Robin shrugs. “Don’t be rude, Landon,” she says. “It’s just that it’s so obvious. You love her. You have to tell her.”

 

“Are you blind?” I roll my eyes. “I can’t tell her. I can’t even get close, or Steel’s gonna kick my ass.” I shake my head sadly. “I wanna talk to her, but I don’t know what to say.”

 

Blade sighs. “You gotta do it, man,” he says.

 

“What?” I narrow my eyes. “Dude, of all people, I’d have thought you’d be one of the ones telling me to respect Steel and stay away from Vivian.”

 

Blade nods wisely. “Yeah, until today, you’d be right,” he says. “But you need to be honest with her, man. That’s the only way you’re gonna work through this. She has to know everything. I don’t think it’s right for Steel to keep her in the dark like she’s a kid. She’s not a kid. She’s a smart woman, and she deserves to know what’s going on.”

 

I stare at Blade, feeling a whole level of newfound respect for my best friend. We stand up and I pull Blade into a big hug, slapping his back loudly.

 

“You can do this, man,” Blade says. “Just trust me.”

 

I lick my lips. Thinking about seeing Vivian is making me nervous and anxious, like a love struck teenager. I don’t know what’s wrong with me–I haven’t felt this way ever, at least not since grade school. And this is different. I’ve been in puppy love before, I’d had crushes and infatuations. Hell, I’ve even obsessed over certain girls in the past. But nothing comes close to what I feel for Vivian.

 

I feel the love for her in my veins, in my blood. In my bones. I feel the love for her as deeply as I feel my allegiance towards Blacktop Chaos.

 

“You’ll be fine,” Robin says. She leans in and gives me a big hug, wrapping her arms around my neck. I hug her back, practically lifting her off the ground. I know Blade doesn’t mind. I know he’s proud of his old lady.

 

“You’re one of the smartest women around,” I tell Robin as I pull my jacket on. “Thanks for your help.”

 

Robin nods. “Duh,” she says. “If you talk to Vivian, tell her everything is going to be okay. Don’t scare her, but tell her that you have a handle on it.”

 

I agree. We hug again, then I walk back out to my bike and climb on.

 

The drive to the hideout seems to take forever. My mind is running, speeding along with thoughts of what Vivian will say when I tell her that I love her. I desperately want to see her, but part of me is afraid that she won’t even want to talk to me.

 

And then there’s the whole issue of Steel.

 

When I pull up to the hideout, it looks ominously dark. I can tell the lights in the living room are on, but the bedroom looks dark. Steel’s bike is parked out front, along with a strange car that I don’t recognize. Frowning, I park my bike as quietly as I can and walk up to the front door.

 

This is it, I think, readying my fist to knock. This is the moment where I tell her how I really feel. Fucking hell, why am I so fucking nervous?

 

If anyone had told me six months ago that I’d be standing on a front porch, as nervous as a kid waiting for his prom date, I’d have laughed them out of the room.

 

Taking a deep breath, I tuck my blonde hair behind my ears and try to compose my face into a respectful mask. I knock on the door–three times, in the rhythm of Blacktop Chaos’s signal. Loud footsteps sound from inside. Steel pulls the door open.

 

When he sees me, his face falls. He tries to slam the door but I stick my boot in the door, blocking Steel from shutting me out.

 

“Steel, I need to talk to you,” I say quickly. “I need to see Vivian. This is urgent.”

 

Steel shakes his head from side to side, looking angry. “No,” he says. “Get the fuck out of here, Lockhart, or I’m going to make you regret it.” He steps out into the porch. I see that he’s holding a gun. A shiver of fear runs through me but I know that I can’t back down. It’s now or never, and if I don’t do something, I’ll lose Vivian forever.

 

“I have information about the men who want to hurt Vivian,” I say, crossing my arms over my chest and leaning away from Steel. I try to remember everything I’ve ever learned about defensive body language. I know the way I’m standing probably intimidates Steel, and that’s the last thing I want to do. However, years of being a biker have taught me I always need to be defensive.

 

“I don’t care,” Steel says. He spits on the ground, leaning over. “I don’t give a shit. You’ve got ten seconds to get out of here,” he says. He cocks his gun and aims it right at my chest. “You think you can do that?”

 

“Come on, Steel,” I say, wringing my hands in front of me. “Man, you know it’s not like this. I’m not trying to hurt your daughter. I love Vivian,” I say, spitting the words out as loudly as I can. “I love her, and if we don’t do something, those Helldog assholes are gonna kidnap her.”

 

Steel stares at me coldly. “I think I can find a way to keep my own daughter safe,” he says. “You’re wasting time, Lockhart. Get the fuck out of here.” Steel lifts the gun and points it towards my eye.

 

“Vivian!” I scream, running off the porch, towards my bike. “Vivian, I love you!”

 

There’s a loud shout from the inside of the house. It chills me to the bone–I know it’s her. It’s Vivian, and she knows that I’m outside.

 

“Vivian!” I scream loudly. “You’re in danger!”

 

Vivian’s only response is a muffled, unintelligible cry that pierces my heart like the tip of an arrow. Her scream sends shivers down my spine.

 

I know that I’m powerless to do anything here. If I really want to save her, if I really want to help, I’m going to need to enlist Blade, Robin, and everyone we know. Vivian’s in trouble, and if she gets hurt, it’s on me. I don’t care what Steel thinks of me. I don’t give a damn about my reputation, or about patching back in to Blacktop Chaos.

 

All I care about is saving the woman I love.