Lily
“Miss Lily! Miss Lily!” I turned around to see Shaunna running towards me. She jumped, and I caught her at the last minute, feeling her small weight wrap around my torso. She looked up at me with a big grin on her chubby face. “Miss Lily, my daddy wants to invite you over for dinner! Me and Peter are going to Grandma’s house!”
I laughed and felt a blush rise to my cheeks. “Shaunna, that’s very sweet,” I began. “But I’m not sure it would be appropriate for your dad and me to have dinner together. We don’t know each other very well.”
Shaunna sucked in her cheeks and gave me a fish-face. “My daddy likes you. He talks about you all the time. Me and Peter want you to come live with us!”
I closed my eyes and fought the urge to laugh. It was true that since Zed and I had… split up, I’d been feeling lonely. But there was nothing in a million years that could have convinced me to go for Mark Simpson and his two adorable children. Sure, a long time ago I’d thought that he was cute, but that was until Zed stormed into my life.
“I don’t know, honey,” I said diplomatically. “Maybe I’ll talk about it with Daddy when he comes to pick you and Peter up.”
Shaunna crossed her eyes and shook her head, sending her curly blonde hair flying. When she looked at me again, her cheeks were flushed, and her hair was a mess. “That’s not what Daddy said,” she said crossly. “Daddy said it would be fun!”
Setting Shaunna down on the floor, I brushed my hands off on my jeans. “We’ll talk when he gets here,” I said, firmer. “Now I need you to go clean up. Take Peter with you, okay? Make sure he washes his hands for thirty seconds!”
“One Mississippi, two Mississippi…” Shaunna began counting automatically, punching the air with her pointer finger as she talked. I shook my head.
“Shaunna, in the bathroom,” I said gently.
Shaunna nodded and ran off to find her brother. I leaned against the wall and sighed. I was exhausted. It had been weeks since I’d had a decent night’s sleep, and I had a feeling things were about to get even direr. I hadn’t heard from Zed in over twenty-four hours, and with every hour that passed, my anxiety grew. I hated him for not listening to me, but at the same time, I’d be lying if I said that I wasn’t worried about him.
True to Shaunna’s word, Mark came in with a big bouquet of flowers. He handed them to me, and I could barely see over the top. Perfume filled my vision and made my head swim.
“These are beautiful,” I said diplomatically. “Who’s the lucky lady?”
Mark threw his head back and laughed. He did have a nice face; he was tan, with prominent cheekbones and an almost feline-looking square jaw. He was astonishingly pretty for a man—not like Zed’s rugged visage at all. “They’re for you,” he said after a moment. “Don’t you like them?”
“Mark, this is too much,” I gently protested. “You can’t give me these. They must have cost a fortune!”
“No less than you deserve.” He tapped me on the tip of my nose with his finger, and I tried hard not to flinch. “Lily, I had my Shaunna ask you something today. That is, if she didn’t forget.”
“She didn’t forget,” I said miserably. “She invited me over for dinner but made sure to say that she and Peter wouldn’t be home. Mark, that’s sweet, but I’m not sure this is the right time.”
Mark frowned. “Lily, you’ve been putting me off for months,” he whined. “Why not just give me one shot? If it goes badly, or if you don’t want to see me again, I promise I’ll respect you and your wishes.”
“I don’t know… Now isn’t the best time for me.”
Mark sighed and looked at me over the tops of the flowers. “Lily, you’re younger than I am, so take this with a grain of salt. But after my wife died, I felt the same way. And then I looked in the mirror and realized that years were passing. We’re not getting any younger, you know? Sometimes you just have to put yourself back out there, whether or not you feel like it’s the best time. Now, I realize that I was mourning so heavily that I was ignoring my kids. I can’t do that anymore. I want to be a good father, but I want to be happy, too.”
I sighed. The odd thing was, if it hadn’t been for Zed, Mark’s little speech might have almost convinced me. As it was, I appreciated him making his intentions clearer. But I still didn’t feel like it was the best idea for me to have dinner with them. What if Peyton found me? Or worse, what if Peyton found Peter and Shaunna?
Thinking about getting someone’s kids killed was literally my worst nightmare. If something happened to them, I couldn’t have lived with myself. Or even if something happened to Mark—he was all they had left in the world. How could I possibly rob two sweet children of their only surviving parent?
“Mark, I really appreciate this,” I said, gesturing to the flowers. “But I really don’t think you should get wrapped up in my life. I’m still taking care of some things, and I don’t know that I’ll really be as available as you want me to be.”
Mark smiled kindly. His eyes crinkled up at the corners, and I couldn’t help but think how cute he looked at that moment. “Lily, it’s just dinner,” he said with a laugh. “We’re not signing the Treaty of Versailles.”
I rolled my eyes. “Okay,” I finally said. “Fine. Let me go home and change and then I’ll drive over later, okay? Text me your address.”
Mark grinned widely. He hollered for Peter and Shaunna, and they both came running up and jumped into his arms. Shaunna gave me a doe-eyed grin.
“Miss Lily’s coming for dinner,” Mark said to his kids. “So, who wants to pick up McDonald’s before going to Grandma’s?”
Peter and Shaunna cheered in a deafening roar. From across the room, Anne was glaring at me. I smiled and waved goodbye to the family. Mark gave me a look that could have melted ice and pointed to his phone in his pocket. I nodded, feeling nervous. Now that I’d made the promise, I wasn’t entirely sure that I wanted to keep my word.
When I left Dawning Center for the day, my head was filled with thoughts of Zed. I wished more than ever that he would contact me, even just so I’d know if he was doing okay. I could deal with not knowing about anything else, but I wanted him to be safe. I was so worried that I’d been nauseous all day.
Now, I felt some hunger in my system, but the nerves were making me so jumpy I knew that I wouldn’t be able to eat. In the car, I dialed his phone and let it ring and ring before hanging up in frustration. Damn you, Zed, I thought. Damn you to hell for ignoring me like this.
The drive home seemed to take no time; my mind was completely preoccupied. I was functioning on autopilot as I got home and stripped out of my jeans and top. Staring at my closet, all I could see was Zed’s face. Was he injured? Was he hurting? Tears came to my eyes as I thought about him tied up and alone in some dangerous warehouse.
All of my clothes blurred together and looked the same. I sat down on my bed with my head spinning and flopped back onto the soft comforter. Then, after digging through my purse, I pulled out my phone again and tried to call Zed. This time, it went straight to voicemail.
The knot in my stomach got even bigger as I realized that his phone was likely turned off. Goosebumps formed all over my body as I thought about him alone, hurt, or possibly dead. I stayed prone on the bed for what felt like hours, crossing my fingers and praying out loud that Zed would be okay.
I hadn’t prayed in years and it felt a little disingenuous, but it was the only thing I could think to do in the situation. Zed had become so important to me in such a short amount of time. Even though he’d been to prison for dealing heroin, I knew I couldn’t hate him or freeze him out. Sure, I didn’t exactly want to be his girlfriend anymore. But I couldn’t just let him die.
Taking a deep breath, I forced myself to stand up and walk back to my closet. The only things even appropriate for dinner were the dresses I’d bought to sing at The Pink Diamond. Already it seemed like a lifetime ago. I missed the singing gig a lot, but I knew that right now it was too dangerous. Still, looking at all of my sparkly, slutty gowns made me wish I was going on stage that very night. At least it would distract my nerves.
Twenty minutes later, I was settled on a V-neck emerald green cocktail dress, covered in sequins. It was too flashy for something so casual, but it was either that or show up in jeans. Somehow, I had a feeling that Mark wouldn’t mind if I overdressed.
Blushing, I stood in front of the mirror and squeezed my arms together, so I looked like I had cleavage. Before I knew what I was really doing, I reached into my dress and adjusted my breasts higher and to the center. Stepping back, I admired my handiwork—now I looked like kind of a woman, instead of just a little girl playing dress-up.
Zed was still at the forefront of my mind as I went into the bathroom and did my makeup. Automatically, I let my hand create a cat-eye with liquid liner and added three coats of mascara. After I’d adjusted my eyebrows and smoothed on a luminizing moisturizer, I was done. As I stepped back from the mirror and admired myself, I could have sworn that I heard a knock on the door.
My heart jumped into my throat as the pounding increased. At first, I hid behind my closet door. But when the knocking didn’t stop, I slowly walked into the kitchen and grabbed a knife. Call me crazy, but I didn’t believe it was the gang—wouldn’t they just have knocked down the door instead of knocking?
As I got closer to the door, I heard a familiar growling voice. “Lily, let me in!”
With my heart still pounding, I cautiously opened the door an inch and peeked through the crack. I had the chain locked and a hand slammed against the door, making it bounce closed.
“Zed!” I cried out. “Is that you?”
“Who the fuck do you think it is?” Zed growled. “Now let me in! We need to talk.”
As quickly as I could, I slammed the door shut and undid the chain. When I opened it wide, Zed pushed past me and bounded inside. He was breathing hard and there was a film of sweat on his forehead. He smelled more like musk and man than ever before.
“Lily,” Zed began in a gruff voice. “I’m so sorry I didn’t listen to you—”
“Peyton’s The Manticore,” I blurted out. “That’s what I wanted to tell you.”
“I know. I know all about him.”