I stared at Zed in shock. “You know?” I asked after what felt like a long silence. “What happened? Where have you been?” Suddenly my panic and anxiety were turning to anger. I was angry that he couldn’t have called and told me what was going on. If I’d known, I wouldn’t have spent the day twisting myself into knots.
“I’m sorry,” Zed said again. He looked up at me, his green eyes looked lighter and more sincere than usual. “I’m really sorry I didn’t listen to you, Lily. And I’m sorry I lied. And I’m sorry I dragged you into this.”
I shook my head, unable to believe that now, of all times, he was apologizing for everything. “Zed, don’t you think it’s a little late for this?” When he didn’t reply, I let out a deep breath that I’d been holding since I answered the door. “I mean, what’s going on now? What do you know?”
Zed shook his head. “I don’t wanna get into it,” he said darkly. “Can’t you just accept that?”
I shook my head furiously. “Hell no. You have to tell me the whole truth, nothing but the truth, and start at the beginning. You got that?”
Zed eyed me. He made a show of looking over my whole body, from the top of my head to my painted toenails straining in my high-heeled sandals. I wasn’t used to this kind of attention from him anymore—it had been weeks now—and I felt a hot blush rising over my cheeks. “Where are you going?” he asked gruffly. “You sure you have time to hear this?”
“I have all the time in the world,” I replied drily. “I’m thinking of canceling my plans just so you can tell me everything you know.”
Zed’s eyes flashed with anger. “Are you going out with that pussy single dad?” He snorted. “Should I just drop you off at his place? I bet he won’t make you suck his cock,” he added in a nasty tone. Some of the anger returned, and I balled my hands into fists at my sides.
“We need to talk, asshole. And no, I’m not going out with him.” Technically, it wasn’t a lie.
Zed glared at me. “I don’t believe you,” he said, snorting. “Come on, better get ready. I can tell you’re wearing perfume, too. How fuckin’ desperate can you get?”
I squinted at him angrily and reached out to push him away. When my hands made contact with his chest, I felt sparks fly between our bodies. “I hate you,” I hissed out. “I hate you so fucking much, Zed. I wish I’d never met you!”
“That makes two of us,” Zed replied. He stepped closer, closing the distance between our bodies. “If it weren’t for you, I wouldn’t be in this shitstorm in the first place.”
I put my hands on my hips and leaned away, breathing heavily. “Fuck you,” I repeated. “If it weren’t for me, you wouldn’t have found out about Peyton! You might even be dead!”
Zed looked at me with solemn eyes. “I know,” he finally said. All of the anger and irritation seemed to have melted out of him instantly. “I know,” he repeated. “And I’m sorry. I don’t hate you, Lily. I don’t want you to be hurt.”
I swallowed a lump in my throat. As much as I still wanted to beat him with my fists and howl in rage, I knew that he was probably right. And deep down, I knew that maybe I had even helped him survive. But what was going to happen now?
Letting out a deep sigh, I looked into Zed’s eyes. “Just tell me the truth,” I said slowly. Zed kept his eyes locked on me as I reached down to unbuckle my precarious shoes. When I had kicked them off onto the floor and massaged my feet for a few seconds, I sat down on the couch and looked at him expectantly.
“Where do you want me to start?” Zed ran his hand through his short-cropped hair. “What should I say?”
I shook my head. “I don’t know… Tell me about what happened after Rose was killed.” Zed winced at the sound of her name, and a stab of guilt pierced me. “Or whenever you feel comfortable. I just want to know what’s going on.”
Zed took a deep breath. “After Rose was killed, I was in a bad place. I was still hooked on junk, and I was selling with this kid, Marco. He betrayed me and wound up headless. I thought it was just the two of us working together. He never told me his source.”
I gasped. “Headless? Are you kidding me?”
Zed shook his head. “I wish,” he muttered. “But that’s what happens when you fuck with gangs. I had no idea that I was working with the Iron Angels. I didn’t ask questions when I got a stash. I didn’t take the time to really think about what I was doing.”
That seems obvious, I thought, biting my tongue. Nodding for Zed to continue, I stretched out. The itchy material of the dress was making my skin hot.
“And before I knew it, they’d fucked me somehow. They accused me of stealing from them, and they set me up. In prison, everyone came after me because they thought I’d wronged the Iron Angels. I was warned that I’d be killed if I kept looking for them after I got out. But the only reason I was looking for them in the first place was because of Rose.” Zed looked at me and rubbed his chin with two fingers. “Can I smoke in here?”
I nodded. “Yeah. Can you light me one?”
Zed shook his head. “Nope. Gotta keep you as healthy as I can, Lily.”
My cheeks burned. “Fine,” I said, pouting. “Keep talking.”
Zed lit a cigarette and took a deep drag. My apartment filled with sour smoke and I wrinkled my nose.
“So when I was in the big house, I knew I had to find the leader. That’s who I thought I was looking for. I thought that since I’d fucked over the gang, the leader was the one in charge. This was before Peyton went missing, you know?”
I nodded. “I guess. It all just seems so… dangerous, Zed. Why would you get involved in something like this?”
Zed shot me a look. “Hey, it’s not like I chose this life,” he said on the defensive. “I grew up poor. Don’t you remember that? I told you.”
“I grew up poor, too,” I said slowly. “And I didn’t have an older brother to look after me, either.”
“Good for you,” Zed said in a mincing tone. “But Rose wasn’t a bad girl, Lily. She was a lot like you. She was smart and driven and beautiful. She didn’t have to get killed for my bad behavior. I can’t blame this on growing up poor.”
I blushed. “Okay,” I finally said, not wanting to ask him again if he really thought I was beautiful. “Keep going.”
“Geez, you’re fuckin’ relentless,” Zed commented. My blush deepened, and I looked down at my bare feet. My toes were wiggled into the carpet, and I saw my nail polish was already flaking off. “And if you were my sister,” he added, looking at me. “I wouldn’t let you out of the house looking like that. Shit, I wouldn’t let you out of the bathroom.”
I rolled my eyes. “Okay, enough. Keep telling me about what’s going on.”
Zed bit his lip. “So, I met Peyton almost right after I got out of prison. It was too good to be true; he always knew how to hustle everything I wanted. I didn’t get back into dealing, but I worked with him and did some private investigation shit for him every now and then.”
My eyes widened. “PI work? Really?”
Zed nodded. “I know, I know, it’s a fuckin’ shocker. I’m not very subtle, am I?” He gave me a wry grin. “Try to suspend your disbelief just for a few minutes. I realize now that it was a fuckin’ ruse right from the beginning. But it didn’t feel like that at the time. We worked as a team. I fuckin’ trusted him. I would have done anything for him. He was like a brother.”
The wheels in my head spun round and round, growing faster and more confused by the second. “So basically, he just did that to trick you?” I asked. “He just wanted to get ahold of you from the beginning, and he knew all the right things to say.”
Zed nodded sagely. “It kills me to admit it, but yeah, that’s about the sum of things.”
“When did you start to suspect he wasn’t who he said he was?”
Zed gave me a long, hard look. “Are you calling me stupid?”
I shook my head. “Not at all,” I said quickly. “I wouldn’t have gotten it either. But the timing is crucial, don’t you think?”
Zed looked away. “Sometimes I think I’m too late,” he said quietly. “I didn’t catch on for so long. I didn’t start to have any idea until he wanted to always meet in this bar downtown. It was always empty and deserted, and I didn’t feel safe having private conversations there.”
I wrinkled my nose. “Do I even want to know where you guys were meeting before?”
Zed shook his head and gave me a dark look. “No. But anyway, this bar was a total shithole. I figured that the only reason he’d want to go there is because he spotted someone else going in. But Peyton was the only guy who ever sat at the bar. I bribed the owner into calling me when The Manticore stopped in.”
“And that’s how you found out?” Despite myself, I was getting wrapped up in the story. I couldn’t believe that I’d been on the edge of something so… sordid for so long.
Zed nodded. “Yup. That’s when I started to suspect something wasn’t right. It was hard to believe that this bar was flooded with The Manticore and his cronies every time I wasn’t around. It could have only been Peyton; there was no one else.” He raked a hand through his short crop of hair. “And once I realized what was going on, it was too late.”
A chill ran through my body. “You didn’t leave me alone with Peyton after you started to suspect anything, right?”
Zed shook his head. “No, Lily,” he said patiently. I was surprised; based on his temper, I expected him to really act like a shithead if I accused him of something like that. “No, when I went back to get you, that’s when I started to know.”
I thought back to that night and everything that had happened—our faux date at the restaurant, and the waitress unable to take her eyes off of Zed. I’d been jealous for one of the first times in my life. Remembering it didn’t exactly make me feel any better, but a mirthless giggle escaped my lips.
“And then?” I looked up.
“And then all the pieces started to fall into place. That old man and I made a bargain. He sold me a gun. I drove out to the warehouse where I knew Peyton was hiding. I was ready to ambush them, but then one of his thugs attacked me from behind. Before I knew it, I was tied up and helpless.”
“Wait,” I said, narrowing my eyes. “How do you mean you just went out there? If you knew about it before, why didn’t you check it before now? Don’t you think that would have helped you find out about Peyton?”
Zed gave a jerk of his head. “That’s not exactly it,” he admitted. “I… I got a phone call from Peyton. He said that he had you.” Zed made eye contact with me, then looked at the floor. “I went ballistic, I couldn’t believe it. I didn’t want to believe it, Lily, but it felt like I had no other choice.”
I felt like someone had dropped me into a lake of ice water. Another chill ran down my spine and through my limbs. Tears came to my eyes, and I felt as though my heart was going to stop beating.
“They threatened you with me?” I whispered, finally. Zed nodded. He looked ashamed. “And what did they say about me when I got there? Why did you believe them?”
Zed looked supremely uncomfortable. “They had a recording,” he said in a low tone. “It was your voice. They must have been spying on us at some point. They had you calling my name.”
I shook my head. “That n-never happened,” I stammered. “I’ve never even seen one of them before!”
Zed shook his head. “It doesn’t matter,” he said, his tone as hard as stone. “They had you.”
The tears that had welled up in my eyes now threatened to spring unbidden down my face. Zed gave me a strange look, and it took a few moments for me to realize that it was sympathy. The attention was too much to bear; tears started rolling down my cheeks, and I covered my face with my hands.
“Don’t cry, Lily,” Zed said in a strangled voice. “It’ll be okay. It’ll be okay, I promise.”