Lily
I threw myself down on the bed, muffling my sobs with the comforter. Zed was being such a fucking jerk! I couldn’t believe the way he was treating me. Sure, he’d sorta been like that when we first met. But he never went out of his way to make me feel so bad about myself. And even when he was being mean, I knew he couldn’t tear his eyes off of me. I had his attention on lockdown, so this was a new feeling entirely.
The tears kept coming, no matter how hard I tried to make them stop. Was it me? Was I not good at sex? I closed my eyes and racked my brain for an answer as to why he was suddenly freezing me out. I couldn’t believe it; it had literally been an overnight change. He’d gone from being admittedly grouchy but affectionate with me, to throwing my presents in the trash and stomping out on me. And cursing at me? That was something new, too. I felt chills run down my spine as I realized I was more afraid of him than ever. This new personality, this new Zed… I didn’t like it.
I bit my lip and reached for my cell phone, then dialed my best friend, Jackie. We hadn’t talked in a few weeks, and although I’d been dying to tell her about Zed, I hadn’t had the chance. He hadn’t let me out of his sight—until today, at least.
“Hey, bitch,” she answered on the first ring. “I thought you were dead.”
I blushed. Jackie was always a little rough around the edges. We’d been friends for decades, but I’d be lying if I said that I’d gotten used to her rough demeanor. I admired her for her toughness and her strength; she said teasingly that she admired me for my purity, but I knew it was really because I was the most loyal friend she’d ever had.
“Not quite,” I said quietly. I didn’t really care if Zed knew that I was on the phone, but I didn’t want him eavesdropping if I could help it.
“What happened? You were supposed to get in touch last week. I even went to that shithole of a club, The Pink Diamond, and you weren’t there. Did you get fired?”
I sighed. “I was sick,” I lied. “I felt really bad for a few days and didn’t go out.”
“And you didn’t call me?” As usual, Jackie’s whip-smart intelligence wasn’t going to let me get away with lying. “Whenever you’ve been sick before, you’ve been blowing up my phone all day because you’re so bored.”
I didn’t say anything.
“Oh my God,” Jackie said, breathing the words out. “You met a guy! You’ve been with a guy! You’ve been fucking!”
She enunciated the last word with a lascivious twist, and I shuddered. “You got it,” I squeaked. A blush rose up my neck and covered my cheeks and face. “I met someone.”
“How?”
I thought quickly. “I, uh, met him at the club. He saw me singing and asked me out afterward.”
“You little slut!” Jackie said in an approving tone. “I knew you’d move fast when you got that gig.”
I blushed even redder. “Stop, it’s embarrassing.”
There was a rush of heavy footfall in the hallway, and I cringed, expecting Zed to tear my door down.
“Tell me about him,” Jackie said casually. “Entertain me. I have to work tonight, and I’m so bored.”
“What are you doing?”
“Stop trying to change the subject, you weasel. It’s a play party, and I’m working it with another girl. Hey, wanna come? There are some men who love virgins there!”
My blush deepened so red that my face was itchy. “Shut up,” I muttered. “He’s older. Tall, muscular, short hair, green eyes. He was in jail.”
“Lily, what the fuck happened to you? Did you turn into me? He sounds brutally hot,” Jackie gushed.
I felt a wave of anxiety flood my body when I thought about Zed and Jackie meeting. She was gorgeous, with long red hair and piercing light eyes. I was her shadow whenever we went out; it was probably one of the reasons I’d always been single.
“I don’t know,” I admitted. “But there’s a problem. He’s being weird.”
“Oh, honey,” Jackie said, sounding sympathetic. “What happened?”
I gave a deep sigh. “I don’t know… I think he’s just done with me. I probably wasn’t good enough in bed.”
Jackie laughed, a hoarse scratchy sound that I wasn’t expecting. “Sweetheart,” she said, still giggling. “No one’s good the first time, don’t you get that?”
I shrugged, even though she wasn’t there to see me. “I don’t know. I don’t know what I thought would happen. But he’s ignoring me and being a dick now, and I don’t know what to do.”
Jackie was silent for a moment. “Just get rid of him, he sounds like a piece of shit,” she advised. “Trust me, Lily, you don’t want to be with someone who treats you like that.”
I knew she was right, but it hurt my heart to acknowledge that I hadn’t just been paranoid. I had desperately wanted her to tell me that Zed’s behavior was normal, or a code for how much he really loved me, or something like that. Instead, knowing that I really was the problem made me feel like shit. I wished that I’d never met him.
“I wish I hadn’t done it,” I said flatly. “I feel like shit now.”
“Don’t. Virginity is a social construct. Don’t let men make you feel shitty about yourself. He sucks, but if he doesn’t want you anymore, that doesn’t have anything to do with you.”
I rolled my eyes. “Then why did he get so much attitude after we fucked?”
“Men are impossible. Don’t try to figure them out. It’s not worth it, girly girl.”
We chatted for a few more minutes and then hung up. The footsteps hadn’t moved in the hallway, and I resigned myself to Zed having heard everything. But when I opened my bedroom door, he wasn’t there. The apartment was silent. I realized that I must have heard something upstairs and mistaken it for Zed’s heavy footsteps.
“Zed?” I called out; there was no answer. “Zed?” I called again, cautiously peeking into the hallway. He wasn’t there. I padded into the living room. The faint roar of a movie was playing on my laptop, and I realized that he’d fallen asleep on the couch. There was a coffee mug on its side and spilled coffee had leaked onto the upholstery and onto the white carpet on the floor.
I set my mouth in a line, and my jaw twitched. Inconsiderate asshole, I thought angrily. He doesn’t even respect my apartment, much less me.
“Zed!” I yelled, louder this time. He woke with a start and blinked at me a few times, running his hand through his short hair.
“What?” he barked out at me, sounding sleepy.
I glared. “Get out,” I replied. “I don’t want you here anymore. Get the fuck out of my apartment.”
Zed slowly sat up on the couch and rubbed his face. “Lily, what the fuck are you talking about?” He looked at me with wide eyes. “Why the sudden anger?”
I laughed with bitterness. “Are you kidding me? You’re the one who froze me out! Not to mention that if I hadn’t run into you, I wouldn’t be in danger in the first place!”
“You just want me out of here so you can call that yuppie asshole,” Zed threw back with a sneer.
“Don’t talk that way about Mark,” I said smoothly, watching Zed’s reaction. “He’d treat me a hell of a lot better than you do. I was thinking about calling him for a date tonight anyway.”
Zed didn’t say anything, and I waited to see if he’d call my bluff. After a minute, I reached for my phone in the back pocket of my jeans and pulled up Mark’s information. Holding the phone up to Zed, I said, “And don’t you love this picture? It’s him with his kids! Aren’t they cute?”
Zed looked away. He didn’t say anything, and anxiety began to gnaw at my stomach. I couldn’t believe he wasn’t taking the bait; every other time we’d talked about Mark, it had pissed him off to no end.
I continued. “I can take care of myself, asshole. I can do what I want, and I can see whomever I want to see. I have friends who look out for me, and I’m not stupid. I want you to leave, right now.”
Zed didn’t move. He faced me with his piercing green eyes. “Lily,” he repeated, sounding much too calm for the situation. “I’m not sure what you’re getting flustered about.”
I rolled my eyes and pointed to the door. When he didn’t move, I walked into the kitchen and yanked the new coffeepot out of the plug. It was still brewing, and there was the hot hiss of steam as I dragged it over to the door. Zed watched me with wide eyes, but he didn’t speak as I opened the door to my apartment and threw the coffeemaker into the hall. He creased his forehead and glared at me.
“I know you hated it. Sorry I was nice to you,” I spat out. Cold air from outside was coming in and giving me goosebumps, but I didn’t budge. Zed eventually rolled his eyes, then got to his feet.
“Okay, okay, I’ll give the cupcake some space,” he said demurely.
“Fuck you!” I cried out, blinking back tears. “Stop fucking patronizing me, Zed McIntyre!”
He rolled his eyes and stormed out. I slammed the door behind him, bolting the lock and the deadbolt. Eventually, I heard his footsteps storm out to the parking lot and gradually fade.
My apartment looked like a disaster zone, and it smelled like a man. Gritting my teeth, I got to my hands and knees and scrubbed at the carpet until the coffee stain had faded to a light tan. It was still visible, but you had to look for it to really see it. Angrily, I threw the mug into the sink. It broke into three pieces, and I glared at them defiantly. Blinking back tears, I wiped my eyes with the backs of my hand. Fuck him, I thought. He didn’t even care about me at all.
With Zed gone, I didn’t feel alone. I didn’t feel scared. All I felt was an overwhelming, drastic sense of relief. When I heard a knock on the door, I set my mouth in a line, expecting to tell him off again.
Cautiously, I walked over and peered out the peephole. Thankfully, Jackie stood on the other side. She was holding a pizza box in one hand and a box of wine in the other.
“I heard you could use some cheering up,” she said wryly. “Can I come in?”