Because I was restless, thinking about Ryder, I didn’t even get the relaxing evening that I wanted. As soon as I was alone, I couldn’t sit still. So instead of reading a nice book on my bed, or watching something on my cheap tablet so I didn’t have to move out of the bed, I went to the kitchen to get myself a snack, then sat my ass on my couch in front of the TV. I turned it on and kept flipping channels.

“What the fuck am I even doing?” I growled, stopping the channel-flipping, and tossing the remote on the couch next to me. “I’m not going to concentrate anyway, so anything is fine.”

I’d stopped on a channel with a foreign show. There were subtitles, but I didn’t understand the words, and it was the best background noise.

“At least I have snacks,” I muttered to myself. I picked up the glass bowl I’d deposited on my little coffee table, only to scrunch my nose, then sigh. “I wasn’t paying attention, was I…”

I’d cut up some bananas and strawberries and added them in. On top of those, I added some chips and leftover popcorn from where I binge watched a mystery series on Netflix last night.

Why am I such a fucking mess? Like Ryder would even remember me…

And really, there was no reason for him too. He was a fucking star, and I was just that girl he once dated in high school. Fuck, so what if I’d gone to that party anyway? I was way too conceited, thinking it would matter to him at all. Why would he even care if I was there? It’s not like he even cared enough in high school to notice I wasn’t returning his calls. He was too busy with other…

I winced. “Then why does the thought of him make me feel so bad?” I groaned, leaving the bowl on the table as I leaned back against my couch and closed my eyes.

Don’t fucking doze off…

I knew better than to fall asleep in the position I was in. Even though I would be free the next day, I’d wake up uncomfortable with a crick in my neck. But I couldn’t stand to go back to the bedroom because the silence was uncomfortable.

Before I could sleep, though, I heard my phone vibrate on the seat next to me. I could guess who it was, even before I saw the name on my screen. Caroline and Agnes had gone ahead to the party, but I’d pretty much had to drag them to the door, and even then, they kept insisting that I just go with them. The specific caller was Caroline.

“Hello?” I answered with zero enthusiasm. “Aren’t you two supposed to be busy?”

“Hey, Alexis!” someone screamed. It might have been Agnes, but I couldn’t be sure with all the background noise. “Are you ready to come join us, yet?”

I rolled my eyes as I reached for the remote to turn off the TV. The dread in my stomach at just being in the same vicinity as Ryder told me that I was not; I went with my gut feeling.

“I’m still not feeling up to it,” I said, trying to make myself sound tired. “I can barely hear you, why don’t you just go back to have your fun, huh?”

“But it’s not as fun without you!” that voice came from further, and it sounded a lot like Caroline. So the first must have been Agnes. “Come on, Alexis. This party is fucking awesome; I’m sure you’d have a good time!”

There were some awkward sounds from the other end, though I realized they were simply moving when the background noise became quieter.

“Seriously, Alexis, most of the girls from work are here,” Caroline said over the phone, her volume a lot lower, and I could hear her just fine. “Even some of the guys. Even that intern, the hot one that I told you about, Frank.”

“I thought you were after him,” I said, amused. “Are you seriously offering him to me right now?”

She sighed heavily over the phone. “Well, I’d rather not. He’s just a bit, younger, but he’s seriously sexy, Alexis. But if it’s for you…”

It was my turn to sigh, even as a small smile curved my mouth. “Thanks, really, but you can keep the sexy intern, Caroline. You can give up now and have your fun.”

“But I really can't without you here!” she said, almost whining, and I realized she must have had some drinks. “Even Agnes still wants you here.”

“You damn right, bitch!” Agnes called from behind her.

I couldn’t help but laugh.

“You better get here soon,” Caroline went on, voice stern. “If you don’t, I will come back there, and I will fucking drag your ass back with me to this party.”

“And I’ll help,” Agnes added.

I chewed on my lip, my humor immediately disappearing. I wouldn’t put it past the two of them to do it. Of course, I would put up a fight, but they wouldn’t even have to force me. They could talk me down, and I’d end up going there on my own anyway.

“Is Ryder there?” I asked, tentative.

There was a delighted laugh on the other side of the line. “Yeah!” Caroline said quickly. “I mean, he’s getting wasted right now, but he is here. Why don’t you come before he decides to leave?”

I probably sounded anxious, and she’d thought up her reasons for why, though they were far from the truth. I didn’t tell her I was specifically avoiding him, though. If she decided to ask questions, and I evaded them, she’d guess the situation was a lot deeper than I wanted her even to know.

Could it be okay? If he was getting wasted…if he got wasted enough…

“… Maybe he won’t recognize me,” I muttered.

“What was that?”

I jumped, eyes widening, having forgotten I was still in the middle of a call.

“Um, nothing, I was just saying…I’ll be there,” I finished after a short pause.

If I sounded more tired than expected, Caroline didn’t seem to care. I had to pull the phone away from my ear at their sudden loud squeals.

Well, at least they’re happy, I thought to myself with a snort, as I went to my bedroom to get changed into something appropriate.