Today was supposed to be a special day. Or, I hoped it would be. I’d made some special plans for Ryder and me, but I wasn’t sure how he would take it. I had a feeling he thought it was about our Scrabble game, though, because it was incomplete, and he kept suggesting we complete it. I knew he was taking the time to study the dictionary, though I could have told him it wouldn’t be enough to help him win. I wasn’t a whiz at the game or anything, but I wasn’t nearly as much of an amateur as he was.

That wasn’t it, though; there was no hurry with the game. It had been hard, though, keeping my secret. I couldn’t help being anxious that he might not like it, and what I meant to be a good surprise would end up being a flop. Several times, I almost blurted everything out.

From how I’d been spazzing the last few days, if I hadn't told him there was something planned, he might have thought I’d lost my mind.

It was getting close to Christmas. Ryder didn’t need as much help as he did before with his chair, and it was a big milestone for him. Though he tried to hide it, I knew how much it meant to him to be able to do things on his own. Just this morning, he managed to make his way to the table and sit down to have breakfast. He’d smiled wide when I looked at him in surprise that was only partially fake. It was bringing his ego up, and at the moment, that was a good thing.

It still grated on him, though, that he couldn’t go to the bathroom on his own every single time. There were times when he was fine, and others, I needed to help him out. A couple of times, he’d tried to force it and hurt himself, and I’d had to put my foot down, so he would fucking talk to me when he didn’t think he was well enough to manage on his own. It was a hit to his pride.

“You ready?” I asked as he entered his room.

I would have been in earlier to help him, but he’d insisted on getting ready by himself. I stayed away for as long as I could stand, but my patience ran out, so I was checking in on him early. He frowned up at me, obviously displeased.

“It’s taking longer than I’d hoped,” he said, grudgingly apologetic. “Sorry for making you wait too long.”

“Oh, no, it’s fine!” I said quickly. “Just try your best.”

After his physiotherapy sessions, he was usually determined to be brave and start doing more than he had been. I didn’t need him to lose that determination. At this stage, I didn’t need a professional to tell me it would be vital.

He was doing fucking well, though. The doctor had been encouraging, too, saying it took some patients nearly a year to make as much progress as he had in the last four months. Ryder had practically been glowing when he gave me the news after a check-up with his doctor. If I hadn't realized before he was afraid of being dependent on me, and others, for his daily needs, then his excitement that day had been enough for me to leap on my own.

“Just give me a bit,” he said as he slowly placed his left leg into the chair.

“You want me to help you down?” I offered.

I knew he wouldn’t before he shook his head, though, his lips set in a set in a straight line. He was straining, but he wouldn’t let me help him, and it had been that way once he found out he could do it alone. He’d be tired by the time we got to the front door, but he was determined.

I didn’t put up a complaint because his physiotherapist encouraged it. He should only attempt to go down and up by himself for the first few days, then try going around the block alone. It wasn’t necessary, though it would be good for me to be nearby just in case he did need help. But going out alone…he was probably as scared about that as I was. I had visions of him trying and then giving up, and I was sure the thought had crossed his mind as well. I could always just follow to keep an eye on him, but I’d been told expressly that that wouldn’t be helping him, so I was still worried about the day he would decide to try it.

But I pushed that out of my mind for the moment. I watched eagerly as he got in his chair in the stair lift. Every time he managed to not put his left foot in the chair properly, I was there to try and save him. He allowed it, but the expression on his face was grudgingly grateful like he couldn’t decide on only one to be. I didn’t care because it was better than him being offended.

I could tell, though, that it hurt his pride more than anything, knowing I would be there to catch him if he fell. His whole problem with being dependent was worrying about being a burden. I could have told him he didn’t need to be, not with me. I was a nurse, and I’d certainly seen people in worse states. If he were hurt, I would do everything to mend him, simply because I was his nurse.

It wasn’t the only reason I did it, not really. Not that I would say it out loud, but he might have guessed something on his own, considering I hadn't worn my nurse’s uniform in the last few weeks.

“I am so crazy proud of you right now,” I said honestly as he was breathless and sitting by the door.

He’d made it all the way from his room down to the fucking front door. After not moving at all the first few weeks, it was amazing progress. He was sweating, and his face was hot. His chest heaved with every breath, and he looked exhausted. But the expression on his face was one of excitement. As I cheered him on, he grinned up at me. A few more of these types of exercises, and he could go out by himself.

I waited for him to catch his breath, then leaned down to kiss him on the lips and wrap my arms around him. He huffed out a laugh as he squeezed me weakly back.

“No getting around me tonight,” he said happily. “I’ll still beat you at Scrabble.”

Fuck!

I blushed and pulled myself away. He still thought we were playing Scrabble when it was the last thing on my mind. I was killing the moment as I backed away toward my coat, which was hanging on the coat hook. He was frowning at me and no longer smiling, but hopefully, once he found out what we were doing for the night, he’d get excited.

“No patient of mine has made such development in such a short space of time,” I rambled. “I got carried away, sorry about that.”

His frown only got deeper. I handed him his coat, and after giving me a long look, he simply put it on. He wasn’t as enthusiastic as before, though, and I felt a little guilty.

Just wait a little longer, I thought. This will all, hopefully, be worth it.

“Let’s go,” he said. “I am getting tired already.”

I chewed on my lip. “Um, can you wait a bit for me to get ready? I was kind of waiting for you, so…” I hadn't changed into the outfit I’d planned for our little outing.

Ryder nodded and sat back in his chair, the picture of patience.