The next few days, my routine was pretty much the same. Breakfast. Exercises. Followed by a nap. It was the same for the afternoon and evening. Alexis tried to put the TV on a few times, but I often stopped her. I didn’t want to know what was going on in the outside world. I worried that if I did find out, it might discourage me.

Sure, I might not play ever again, but there was more to life than football. If I sorted myself out, then I could think of other things to do. Alexis said that she had left the hospital and could give up nursing, which didn’t explain why she was helping me out, but she had given me ideas. I recalled our dates—she would talk about nothing except being a nurse. Here she was years later talking about giving it up.

I opened my eyes to discover that the room had completely changed.

Did Alexis or Dad do it overnight?

There were pictures from when we had won the Super Bowl, a large framed picture that I’d had hanging in my bedroom in my house, so someone had made a trip, and to the right, there were more photos. Newspaper clippings of my journey in football. I had done it myself when I used to be enthusiastic about wanting to be a sports star. There was a sofa in the corner of the room with a small table. It had an iPod station. Now, I remembered a few times I had heard the music. Different types, sometimes classical, sometimes rap, which I knew was Alexis’s favorite back in high school when I went out with her on a few dates. I wondered if she still was in love with Eminem. He was her rap hero.

* * *

We reached upstairs. Alexis teased me all the way about how she was going to whoop my ass. She gloated about her points the last time I played. Fuck, I think it was nearly four digits. She took advantage of me. Who plays Scrabble with a guy who is fucked up on medication? And is feeling sorry for himself? Alexis.

Nah, it wasn’t that bad. Anyway, I enjoyed it. I had never played Scrabble before in my life. The whole idea of the game gave me visions of a bunch of nerds trying to outdo each other. I was far from a nerd. I sure the fuck didn’t see in this day and age how something that was not done on a PlayStation, on the field, or even on a fucking iPad could be classed as fun. The idea of playing something that was as old-fashioned as Scrabble, well, it felt beneath me. Until, as Alexis so politely put it, she whooped my ass and I had to save face by claiming that the drugs messed with my head.

I was still on medication, but mainly for the pain. I was already coming up with a thousand reasons not to play. Before I knew it, she had the game set up and was sitting on the edge of the sofa in my chair on the other side.

“This time it is better to play this way. So you can’t cheat.’’

Seriously, she thought that the fact that I just about managed a two-digit score meant that I cheated. God, she was so full of herself. I felt like getting the fucking dictionary out for the next few days and studying each word, so that I could beat her ass.

Fucking cheat.

Not me.

I might lose, but I would never cheat.

Now she had me all fired up.

There was only one thing for it. I would play my best tonight. But the next time we played, it would be after studying the dictionary word by word.

Oh, she could enjoy tonight, but that would be the only night she would enjoy. Come on Scrabble, come to Pappa!

“Ryder, are you even trying?’’

She was getting bored, and so was I. I wondered if I had a spinal cord injury or a brain one instead. I couldn’t think.

“What time is it?’’

She looked up and sighed. “True, it is way past your bedtime. Getting to ten.’’

Oh, so that made perfect sense. “See, you are taking advantage of a sick man. Just to score points.’’

She laughed, a smile lighting her face.

It was time. She was looking hot in her red dress. She had lost a bit of weight, but not too much. Her curves were still as sexy as hell. The old me would have seduced her right there and then. Right now, I wasn’t capable, but it didn’t stop my heart from beating as I asked the one thing that I should have a long time ago.

“Alexis, why are you doing all this?’’

She got up, her eyes half open, and said, with her hands up in the air, “Okay, okay. I admit it. I am taking advantage of a sick man.’’

I shook my head. “No, that is not what I meant. I meant why did you nurse me? Why did you want to? After everything I did and said, I sure as hell didn’t deserve it.’’

Alexis looked up in the air as if the answer was up there. She avoided my eyes as she replied. “Because until that night when I saw you, I didn’t know if the choice that I had made my whole life was the right one. Seeing you gave me the answer I needed.’’

“But—’’ I interrupted her. I’d been drunk and then pretty much forced her to get in the car with me. She shouldn’t even want to be in a room with me, let alone look after me.

“Let me finish. There is nothing worse than thinking the choice you made since you were a kid was the wrong one. I knew looking after you would show me something, but I never knew what until now.’’

She held my hand as she spoke. Alexis was so close—all I wanted to do was kiss her.

But I have to know why.

The attraction between us had always been there, but I hadn’t been a good guy, not really. Not until Alexis. Looks, sports, and badness. That was all there was to me then and all there was to me after she left. She knew it, and I knew it. I accepted it back then, but I should have stopped going with the flow a long time ago.

She wasn’t going to tell me the reason, so I prompted her as she covered her face with her hands. “So?’’

She took a deep breath and looked at me. “Looking after you didn’t mean simply getting you better physically. It meant emotionally too. Two reasons that I wanted to be a nurse in the first place. I’ve decided that when you don’t need me anymore, I will look to get another local job, doing home visits and rehabilitation in patients’ houses. You see, being with you has helped me. Not only you. Look, it is getting late. Let’s get you in bed, and we can continue this game tomorrow.’’

I was too exhausted to speak. The realization that when I was stronger and could look after myself, she would leave me sent a shiver down my spine. I didn’t like the idea of that. I wanted her with me not only now, but forever.

I realized that Alexis was not only the girl that I wanted, but what I needed.