Alexa

It seems crazy to think that the one thing that people know me for will be nothing but a memory after tonight. In the years before high school, I was only known as “The Rich Girl” and I hated it. Then, I became “The Cheerleader.”

I mean, it isn’t great to be known for just one part of my life, but at least people recognized me for something I was good at. Princeton became my home away from home, a place where I could be myself without my parents meddling in my business.

It was actually better than home, because when my classmates hear the name Alexa Hall, most don’t make the connection to my multimillion dollar family.

Growing up, I always wanted to play sports. I’m a fierce competitor, but my mother thought that girls’ sports were for “the rough kids”. That’s just another way of saying “poor, ugly people”.

I remember one time in elementary school, I was playing soccer with some kids at recess. I collided with a boy two years older than me and I got a couple teeth knocked out. They were just baby teeth, so it really wasn’t a big deal. My mom absolutely berated me when I got home, though. When she stopped yelling at me for ruining my face, she just cried and wouldn’t look at me for days.

She wouldn’t let me participate in the pageant I was supposed to be in that weekend and told the school that I was not allowed to take part in such dangerous games. I was relieved that I didn’t have to go to the pageant, but having to sit on the sidelines when my friends were having fun at recess was torture.

So it was a bit of a surprise when my mom allowed me to try out for the cheerleading squad when I started high school. The cheer coach said that I was the first freshman to make the varsity squad in over a decade.

I went from sitting on the sideline to cheering on the sideline, actually being able to be part of something. I loved cheering, but I really liked having an excuse to be able to go to my school’s sporting events and be so close to the action.

I loved the feeling of sprinting down the sideline to pull off a perfect front handspring. I got a rush every time I was tossed in the air. I thrived when all eyes were on me while dancing along to the marching band’s music during time outs. There’s nothing better than cheering for the football team on a crisp autumn night.

My throat tightened when I remembered that this was the last night I would spend with the springy turf of the field underneath my feet. I always secretly enjoyed watching football, but college football is a whole other spectacle. I was ecstatic when I learned that I made the Princeton squad.

No matter what was going on in my life, I always had Saturdays to look forward to. I loved waking up early, spending the morning getting ready with my friends on the squad, and supporting the football team. I liked spending time with the football players, too.

They were funny and cute and threw awesome parties. Being in with the football players was kind of like being a celebrity, at least on campus. I got to know some of them pretty well - I wish I would have gotten to know some of them better.

“Alexa, ten seconds until halftime. Let’s go!” Sasha hissed at me, snapping me from my daydream.

During halftime, the cheerleaders go to their own special locker room in the stadium while the band performs the halftime show. It’s the only part of the day when we’re out of the spotlight.

“Can you believe it’s almost over? I mean, we still have the basketball season, but I can’t imagine not being here next season,” Sasha said as she swiped some bright red lipstick across my lips.

“I don’t want to talk about it,” Gia sniffled. “I can’t stop thinking about how sad Sam is going to be tonight. Especially if they lose this one.

“Oh, they might come back and win it. You never know,” I replied, trying to be optimistic. But really, I had a sneaking suspicion they weren’t going to win this one. The second half of the season had been a downward spiral.

“Yeah, you’re right,” she said, dabbing at the corners of her eyes as if her positive attitude alone could help her boyfriend’s losing team.

“And imagine the party tonight if they do win,” Sasha said. “I imagine that a certain football player will want to thank you for all of your support over the past four years.”

“I don’t want to hear it, Sasha,” I mock scolded my best friend. “Who said I was even planning on partying tonight? Maybe I’ll just go home and finish up some homework.”

“You nerd,” Gia joked. “If I didn’t know better, I wouldn’t think you were the head cheerleader.”

I smiled. I worked really hard to get good grades and still have time to work on new cheer routines. I didn’t want the other girls to think it was okay to go through college being nothing more than pretty, rich, and popular.

“Let’s go, ladies,” the cheer coach yelled down the hallway. “Five minutes until the second half starts.”

I grabbed my pom poms and walked back into the stadium. The crowd was quiet. It’s not easy watching your team miss easy tackles or drop passes. It was even harder to cheer when the crowd just wants to go home and drink away the pain of another loss. It was time to get to work.

“Let’s go Tigers, let’s go!” I shouted, leading my squad. I did the pass I worked on all season to perfection—a round off, two back handsprings and a back flip. I stuck the landing, smiled, and waved to the crowd. This got the student section on their feet. It felt good to get attention for skills that I worked so hard to hone.

The players ran back out onto the field, our cue to start dancing. I made the mistake of looking behind me during our old familiar routine. I quickly made, and then broke, eye contact with one of the players. Martin flashed a quick smile at me and for a split second, I lost my place in the routine. I could hear Sasha snickering at me through her wide cheerleader smile.

“What happened there, Alexa?” Sasha laughed during the kickoff.

“Sorry, I guess I got distracted,” I blushed.

“My guess is that you caught a glimpse of Martin and your brain shut down,” she casually replied.

“Ha, you think you’re so clever,” I fake laughed. My brain spun as I tried to change the subject.

“Hey, Gia. Your boyfriend looks like he’s going to murder someone,” I said.

“Yeah,” she replied. “I hope his opponents find him scary, because I think it’s adorable.”

“Ugh, just get married already,” Sasha groaned. “You guys are just too cute for me.”

“TOUCHDOWN!” the announcer roared. “Number 81, Donny Jackson!”

The cheerleaders jumped up and down, our cheers drowned out by the crowd. Donny ran to the sideline and winked at me when he took off his helmet. I pretended not to see.

After the extra point kick, we began the routine to the school song. What a rush! Sometimes, I had to fake my cheer smile, but this one was as real as it gets.

There was only five minutes left in the game. The team was down by eight points now. A win would be a great way to end my cheerleading career. I don’t think I’ve ever cheered so loudly in my life. The crowd was on their feet.

“Defense, defense,” I shouted, and the whole stadium followed. This was the loudest I’ve ever heard the crowd in the last four years. The noise worked. The other team couldn’t hear the play call and in their confusion, our players forced a fumble and ran it back to the fifty-yard line.

Three minutes to go.

The coach called a timeout, which was our cue to cheer. The music was booming and the energy from the crowd was electric. It was time for some stunts. I carefully placed my foot in the hands of two strong cheerleaders and they launched me into the sky.

I was flying and I didn’t want to come down because once I did, it was back to reality. I nailed my toe touch and landed in the soft cradle of my teammate’s arms. They had been like family to me, and I hated the thought of leaving the team and being replaced.

One minute left. The team had managed a few sloppy first downs to make it to the thirty-yard line. Then, a penalty pushed them back ten yards. There was only enough time for one more drive.

First down, they ran the ball three yards.

Second down, just two yards.

Third down needed to be a long pass down the field.

The crowd went silent. The ball was in the air, flying down to the end zone. One of the wide receivers reached up with one hand and caught the ball. The stadium erupted. They were only down by one point with mere seconds left to go. A successful extra point kick would send the game into overtime. A two-point conversion would win it.

I led one final cheer before the final play. When I turned around, I saw the kicker run on to the field. The center hiked the ball to the holder, who quickly stood up and got ready to throw the ball.

It was a trick play!

The ball went flying through the air to find our receiver in the corner of the end zone. I held my breath as I watched it soar toward his hands. Two players bobbled it in the air, and one of our players grabbed it. It was over. The Princeton Tigers won the final game of the season!

The excitement in the crowd was intoxicating. The cheerleaders ran onto the field to join the players and students in celebration. We were jumping around and singing the school’s fight song.

It was loud and there were people everywhere. At one point, I felt a hand graze my lower back. I turned around to see who it was, but they were gone. My heart was beating faster, but I wasn’t quite sure why. Maybe I just got caught up in the win.

“Come on, Alexa,” Sasha called to me. “Let’s change and go get some drinks.”

I nodded. “Good idea. I’ll buy.”

“Good,” she said, draping her arm around my shoulder. “I wasn’t going to offer.”

Martin

I don’t think I’ve ever been under so much pressure in my life. This is my last college football game and the stakes are high. The quarterback always gets blamed for losses.

I could put up amazing stats, but if my linemen aren’t blocking well, I get full blame for the sacks. Since I’m the captain, I think my teammates blame me for losses. They would never say anything to my face, but I still hear the whispers in the locker room when no one knows I’m there.

The way I play tonight could determine my future. We’re not really known as a “football school” so it’s harder to get recognition from professional football scouts than the guys who play in a power conference.

Best-case scenario, I get drafted in the first two rounds. Ideally, I move back home and play in Denver, just like my dad did. We’ve had our differences over the years, but I’d like to experience just a small amount of the glory he had in his professional career. Worst comes to worst, I’ll be a free agent and work out with a few teams and try to earn a spot. Somewhere. Anywhere.

I also really wanted to win this game because my team had never gotten this far. It would mean so much to my coach, my team, and all of the fans if we won this. So many people were counting on me to make it happen.

“Martin,” Coach said, placing his hand on my shoulder. “Are you focused?”

“Yes, coach,” I responded. I was never going to get drafted if I couldn’t focus enough to win this game.

“We’re going to do some things differently in the second half. Their defense has figured out our run game. You’re going to have to make more passes.”

“Okay,” I replied. I didn’t have a lot of confidence in my wide receivers.

“And Martin, try to have some fun out there,” Coach said as we left the locker room.

I ran to the field for the second half with a clear mind and a fresh focus. I saw Alexa, one of the cuter cheerleaders, looking right at me as I neared the sideline. I had a weakness for the way she looked when her hair was blowing in the wind. I tried to put the image of her doing flips and cheering out of my mind.

The first few plays of the second half did not go well. The receivers were not catching the ball. I looked to the sideline for some guidance. My backup and best friend, Reg, was giving me signals for the next play call.

I could always trust him to help me out during tough games. I took the snap and handed it off to Sam. He ran just four yards, but it was good enough for a first down. No one ever needed to tell Sam to focus. The guy was an animal.

After a few rough plays, we were nearly to field goal range. We were still down by eight. I threw a long pass to Donny Jackson. I didn’t care for the kid, but he was the only one open. My perfect spiral landed right into his open hands. Touchdown! He did a stupid little dance in the end zone. He’s lucky he didn’t get a penalty for excessive celebration, or I would have to have some strong words with him.

Coach called me over to the sideline. I was mentally preparing myself for overtime.

“What’s the plan for overtime?” I asked.

“There’s not going to be an overtime,” he replied. “We’re going for the kicker fake. We’re going to finish this now.”

I felt gutted. I always pictured myself standing on the field, having the realization that this was my last play of my college career. Little did I know that moment had passed and I didn’t get the chance to take it in. I trusted my teammates, but I was nervous. I didn’t like it when things were out of my control.

I watched the play, holding my breath the entire time. The ball flew through the air for what seemed like minutes. We got it! The game was over and we won!

I know it’s not possible, but it really seemed like the whole stadium emptied and rushed onto the field by the time I left the sideline. The field became one big party. My teammates jumped up and down and hugged one another. I saw Alexa again and had the sudden urge to pick her up and kiss her.

I resisted, because I knew that would freak her out. Instead, I could just ask her if she was going to the after party. That would be okay. I tapped her on the back, and then panicked. I quickly walked through the crowd, toward the locker room. There would be time to talk later—if she showed up at the party.

Alexa

There was this weird flutter in my stomach as I got ready for the party with Sasha and Gia. It felt like nerves, but there was no reason to be nervous now, the game was over. Maybe I was just feeling excited for the fun night ahead of me. It’s not every day that your team wins the big game.

Sasha, Gia, and I lived in the apartment-style housing on campus. These buildings were filled with athletes, because the athletic department let the sports teams have everything they want. Our dorm is pretty spacious, but like usual, my roommates were crowded in my closet, looking for something to wear to the party.

“Alexa, is this new?” Sasha asked as she held up a black dress.

“No,” I replied. “I’ve had it for a while.”

“I’m going to start checking for doors to Narnia,” she joked. “I’ve been in here hundreds of times, and I’m still finding stuff I’ve never seen before.”

“I dread the day we move out because that means I’ll have to start buying my own clothes,” Gia said.

Getting ready for parties with my girls was one of my favorite things to do. We made a good team; Gia was skilled at doing hair and makeup, I provided the clothes, and Sasha always gave an honest opinion about how we looked.

“We should probably try to leave soon, or the bar will be too packed to get drinks,” I said as I wiggled into my skintight knee-length skirt.

“Girls with asses like yours don’t have to buy their own drinks,” Sasha laughed. “I bet that you’re offered at least five drinks in the first ten minutes. What do you think, Gia?”

“At least seven.”

“Funny,” I replied. “Anyway, I’m perfectly capable of buying my own drinks.”

We called for a cab and less than 10 minutes later we were on our way to the bar. The cheerleaders had been talking about how awesome this club was. Apparently, there was even a special VIP area for the football players. And anywhere the football players were, you could guarantee that there would be cheerleaders right next to them.

“We’ll have three Vodka Cranberries,” I said to the bartender when we finally wedged ourselves up to the bar.

“No, they’ll have three shots of tequila,” a voice said from behind us. “This is a party.”

“Reg! Congrats on the win,” I shouted over the booming dance music.

“Thanks. You ladies are welcome to come back to the VIP section. The service is much better back there.”

“Do you want to start a tab?” The bartender asked.

“Yeah, why not? This is a party,” I echoed Reg, to his delight.

We drank our tequila and sucked on the limes to ease the burn. The club was in full swing. The lights were flashing in a dizzying array and the music was deafening. It’s the kind of place where you have to yell just to have a conversation with someone.

“Sasha,” I said. “Promise me that you won’t let me make any questionable decisions tonight.”

“Too late,” she said as she handed out another round of shots.

We made our way to the back of the club to hang out with some of the football guys. Sam waved us over to where he was sitting.

“I’m glad we won,” Sam said. “Because this party would have been miserable if we lost.”

“Things are going to get crazy tonight,” Reg said. “Coach never liked it when we drank during the season, so everyone is making up for lost time tonight.”

“Hey, we’re getting bottle service, do you guys want anything?” Martin asked. My stomach did a flip when I saw him. Don’t be stupid, I thought to myself. Nothing is going to happen tonight.

“No, you guys just won the game. I’m treating you to drinks. Put it on my tab,” I ordered.

He beamed and ran off to find the waitress. She returned with a full bottle of vodka and several different mixers. We drank and laughed about all of the fun times we had had over the past four football seasons.

“Remember that time when Sam was going to ask Gia out after the homecoming game? He was so nervous and played terribly. How many fumbles did you have that game? Four?” Reg laughed.

“It was three, and I had a good reason to be nervous. I was planning on asking out the hottest cheerleader on the squad, and to be honest, she kind of scared me.”

“Aww...” everyone mocked as they kissed.

“What about the time when Martin stole Alexa’s poms during the game and hid them in an equipment bag?” Sam said.

“That was you?” I roared at Martin. “I thought I lost them and I got in so much trouble with the cheer coach. He had to run all the way to our practice room across campus to get me new ones.” I smacked him on the arm. “Well, now that we’re telling secrets, I was the one who filled your dorm room with balloons freshman year.”

“Oh, I knew that,” he smiled. “When people do that prank, they usually blow up the balloons themselves. Only Alexa Hall spends that much money on helium-filled balloons for a silly prank.”

My face felt hot. My family’s wealth was no secret, but it was embarrassing when people poked fun at me for it.

“Alexa,” said a voice from the booth behind us. “You look amazing tonight. Come dance with me.”

It was Donny. He was another rich kid, but unlike me, he flaunted it at every opportunity.

“Sure,” I said, already feeling very tipsy. “You’re lucky they’re playing good music tonight.”

Sam and Gia got up and followed us to the dance floor, and a minute later, Reg and Sasha followed. Donny pressed his body up against mine and we swayed to the music. He wasn’t a bad dancer, but the way he ran his hands up and down my body creeped me out. I looked up and saw Martin sitting at our table with a girl I’d never seen before. I started dancing harder, moving closer to where we were previously sitting. Donny loved it, but he couldn’t keep up with my dancing. I looked back over at Martin. He and the girl were laughing and she had her arm draped over his shoulder, talking right in his ear.

“I’m going to get some air,” I yelled to Donny. “It’s too hot in here.”

“Want me to go with you?” he asked.

“No, I’m alright.”

I went to the bathroom and carefully blotted my face with a paper towel. I wonder what Martin was saying that was so funny, I thought to myself. I don’t get jealous about guys. I’ve never had to chase after them; they’ve always pursued me. I wasn’t even really interested in him anyway. I was just surprised that he wasn’t into me.

When I got back to the table, my friends were all back from the dance floor, ready for another round of drinks. I suddenly felt awkward around Martin and poured myself a strong drink to occupy myself while the others talked.

“We only have an hour left before the bar closes,” Sasha said. “Let’s do some shots!”

I don’t know where these drinks were coming from, but they kept arriving every five minutes or so. We threw back fruity drinks with bright colors and foul tasting liquors, grimacing after each one. After a while, Martin started refusing his shots, so I took them, not wanting any drink to go to waste.

“Are you sure you should be drinking this much?” Martin asked, sipping his glass of ice water.

“I can handle it,” I said. “But apparently, you can’t.”

“You’re right,” he said. “I want to be able to remember my name and address by the time this bar closes tonight.”

“I have to go to the bathroom,” I announced. “Who wants to come with me?”

Gia and Sasha followed me to the bathroom.

“It looks like Martin is having a good time tonight,” Gia started.

“Yeah, I guess. Aren’t we all?” I replied.

“No, silly,” Gia said. “Having a good time with you.”

“I don’t think so. He was getting pretty chatty with a girl while I was dancing with Donny.”

“How did that make you feel?” Sasha pressed.

“It didn’t. He can talk to whomever he wants.”

When we left the bathroom, the lights were on and the music was turned down. It was last call and people were starting to shuffle out the door. I grabbed the bill on the table, signed it without looking, and handed it back to the waitress.

“We spent eight hundred dollars here,” Martin said, in shock. “I feel terrible, let me pay you back.”

“Don’t worry about it,” I said waving my hand in his face. “It’s not a big deal.”

“It’s eight hundred dollars,” he said quietly.

“Then I better not let a drop of alcohol go to waste,” I said as I poured several gulps of vodka straight from the bottle.

“You’re crazy, Lex,” Martin laughed. “Are you coming to the after party at my place?”

“Hell, yeah! Let’s keep the party going,” I cheered. “Girls, are you coming?”

“I’m all partied out,” said Gia. “I’m going to stay at Sam’s tonight.”

“I might show up later,” Sasha said, slightly blushing. She looked back at Reg. “Make sure you call me if you need anything.”

“You guys are party poopers,” I slurred. “I’ll see you guys later.”

I looped my arm around Martin’s muscular bicep to steady myself. The room was starting to spin, but I knew I would be fine once I was outside in the cool autumn air.

Martin

“Are you going to ask her to come over?” Reg asked me.

“Who?”

“Alexa, you idiot. Who else? It’s obvious that you’re into her.”

“I don’t think she’ll want to. She’s pretty drunk and I bet there are a bunch of different parties for her to choose from,” I said as I rattled the ice in my glass.

Alexa doesn’t go for guys like me. I saw her dancing with Donny. He’s probably more her type. He’s an idiot, but he can join the family business and give her the life she deserves. I’m not even a college athlete anymore.

You could say I was surprised when I asked her to come over and she said yes. But in her defense, she was very drunk and just wanted to have a good time. When she put her arm around mine, I could smell her shampoo. It was more intoxicating than any of the drinks we had tonight, combined.

This is the night that every football player fantasizes about. You win the big game - the last game of your college career. You will forever be remembered, by your school and your fans, for how well you played in that last nail-biter of a game.

Then, you get to go to a crazy party where everyone is buying you drinks. I must have shaken a hundred fans’ hands at that bar. Everyone wants to take a picture with you. When you’re the star quarterback, you can get just about any girl you want. And it drives you crazy when there’s only one you want to be with, and she wants nothing to do with you.

But if she’s walking with me back to my place, there’s got to be a chance, right? This was happening way too quickly. I wasn’t prepared for this. I hadn’t planned any moves beyond asking her to come over, which I was sure wasn’t going to happen.

She’s pretty drunk, so I was pretty sure that she would make out with me. What if things went further? I thought about her delicate collarbone, the curve of her waist, and her muscular thighs.

I wanted to touch all of her. Would she let me? And what happened if she did? Would we be together, or would she regret it in the morning? I was getting way ahead of myself; we weren’t even out of the bar yet.

“You sure you’re alright?” I asked as she stumbled around the bar’s tables.

“Never been better,” she smiled up at me.

The second we got outside, she threw up all over the sidewalk.

“Oh, Alexa,” I said as I pulled her long hair out of the way. “Looks like someone can’t handle her liquor.”

She groaned.

“Alexa “Put it on my Tab” Hall, the girl who shut down the bar because she drank all of their alcohol,” I teased.

“Don’t laugh at me,” she whined.

I held back a chuckle. She was cute even when she was doing something so disgusting. My ideas for the rest of the night ended shortly after they began.

“Let’s get you home. No more party for you.”

“No, just leave me here. I’m going to sit on the curb and rest for a while. I’ll call for a cab in a little bit.”

“Not a chance, Alexa. Do you think you can walk the six blocks back to your dorm?”

She shook her head. We would be waiting forever for a cab. I picked her up and threw her over my shoulder. I put one hand on her toned back and another on the back of her legs. This was the closest I was getting to Alexa tonight.

“Slow down, you’re going too fast,” she mumbled.

“Don’t you dare throw up on me,” I called to her.

I thought about taking her back to my place. Maybe she’d sober up and want to fool around with me. I could tuck her into bed and make her pancakes in the morning. I wanted to spend more time with her.

“Where are we going?” she asked.

“I told you, I’m taking you to your apartment and you’re sleeping this off.”

I knew that if she were in her right mind, she would be horrified to find herself in my apartment, in my bed, with my clothes on. I couldn’t do that to her. We would both be sleeping alone tonight.

I had to search through her purse to find her dorm key. It felt oddly personal, sifting through her private belongings. The keycard was wedged in the middle of a stack of credit cards. Credit cards that were billed to her parents. I bet they never even looked at the statements before they paid them.

When I opened the door, I saw Sasha and Reg sitting on their couch.

“Oh my God,” Sasha exclaimed when I entered the dorm. “What happened?”

I told them about all of the events that took place after they left the bar.

“Thanks for bringing her home,” Sasha said. “Just drop her in her bed. I’ll check up on her later.”

I wouldn’t have guessed that her room would look this way. She seemed like the kind of girl who would have fancy wooden furniture and a crystal chandelier hanging from the ceiling.

In reality, she had the same cheap furniture as everyone else. She had a massive book collection and homework assignments spread all over her desk. I pulled back the covers and laid her on the bed. I carefully removed her shoes.

“Hey,” she murmured with a sleepy smile on her face. “I’m home.”

“I know, I carried you here.”

“Do you know what?” she asked.

“What?” I responded.

“You’re not an asshole after all.”

“Thanks?”

“No, I don’t mean it like that. I just didn’t know you were so nice. I figured you were the type to take advantage of a drunk girl.”

I was both pleased and hurt by this. However, it confirmed that I made the right decision tonight. The more I thought about it, the more I was pleased with how tonight went. It was truly a great night.

“Goodnight, drunkie,” I teased. “I’ll see you around.”

She was already asleep, so I quietly left her room. I caught Sasha peeking around the corner.

“Just seeing if she was okay,” Sasha covered.

“She’s going to be pretty miserable tomorrow,” I said. “You might want to get her a glass of water.”

“Hey, Martin,” Reg said. “I’m going to walk home with you. I think I have a few more hours of partying in me.”

As we walked to our building, I couldn’t help but replay the events of the night on a loop. I was in Alexa Hall’s bedroom. I tucked her into bed. I wish I would have done other things with her in that bed, but maybe it was for the best.

We were two very different people with very different futures ahead of us. I must have looked sullen because Reg patted me on the back.

“Don’t worry man, there’s going to be girls lined up, waiting for you when we get back to the house.”

I gave a weak chuckle. “I suppose you’re right.”

Alexa

I have never felt so awful in my entire life. My mouth was completely dry and even the simple act of blinking made my head pound. I found a lukewarm glass of water on my side table. I took a sip and nearly gagged.

Prior to this moment, I’ve only been blackout drunk once in my life. It was my twentieth birthday and I was trying too hard to fit in with all of the seasoned drinkers. The party was at my home, so I just walked to my bed and went to sleep when the party was over.

The only memories I lost were two guys making bets on who was going to sleep with me at the end of the night. Honestly, I’m glad I don’t remember that.

I struggled to come up with recollections from last night. I remember dancing with Donny, with his wandering hands and sweaty torso. I remember being annoyed at Martin for some reason.

I remembered some foul tasting shots, and then I quickly tried to put the memory of alcohol out of my head before I was sick. So how did I get home and into bed? There’s usually an after party for these things, so maybe I went to a dorm and had more drinks.

I could hear Sasha in the kitchen, but I was afraid that I would throw up if I opened my mouth to call for her. I pursed my lips and groaned as loud as my body would allow. This caught her attention.

“Good afternoon, Sleeping Beauty,” she said.

“What time is it?” I groaned.

“One-thirty. I was going to bring you breakfast, but figured that you needed to sleep.”

“What happened last night? How did I get home?”

“You drank a ridiculous amount of alcohol. Then, you took Martin up on his offer to go to his after party. I came back here with Reg and we were hanging out on the couch when Martin came in with you draped over his shoulder.”

“Wait, what?”

“He said you threw up outside of the bar and you refused to move. He wasn’t going to leave you there, so he picked you up and carried you back here. He even took your shoes off and tucked you into bed. It was pretty sweet, really.”

“Are you kidding me? And what was I doing while this was happening?”

“Well, you were passed out when he came in. But I heard you talking to him in your bedroom, so you must have woken up at some point.”

I groaned. “What did we talk about?”

“I couldn’t hear very well, but at one point, I think you called him an asshole. But, then you also said he was nice, so I’m not exactly sure what all was said.”

A whole new wave of nausea washed over me. How could I ever look him in the eye again? I was terrified that I said something extremely embarrassing to him.

Did he try to make any moves on me? Or maybe worse, did I try anything with him? The only way to find out was to talk to Martin, but I wasn’t about to do that. Maybe we could forget all about it if it were never spoken of again.

“Martin must have been pretty wasted too, right?” I asked hopefully.

“No, he seemed pretty sober,” Sasha replied.

My head fell back on my pillow. So much for him blacking out too.

“You look terrible,” Sasha said. “I’m going to the store. I’ll pick up a sports drink and some crackers for you.”

“Thank you,” I said weakly.

“Go easy on yourself. You’re not the first college student to blackout, it happens to the best of us.”

“Yeah, but I completely embarrassed myself,” I cried.

“Oh, and go easy on him too. He’s a good guy,” she said.

“I’m not so sure about that,” I replied.

“He carried you all the way home from the bar. How is that not nice?”

“Well, then he’s been nice to me once in the past four years.”

“You know he’s into you, right?”

I shook my head. “I saw him talking to a girl last night. They looked pretty close.”

Sasha laughed. “I think that was just his cousin.”

“Gross. He would be in love with his cousin.”

Sasha gave me an exasperated look and sighed. She walked out of my room and gently shut the door behind her.

I didn’t know how to explain my level of shame to her. I wasn’t that upset about throwing up and having to be carried home. I was no stranger to crazy party girls; I grew up with a lot of those types. Why did it have to be Martin? I have classes with him and we have mutual friends. There was no way I could forget that I let my guard down around him when I see him regularly.

I dug through my purse and eventually found my phone. Luckily, I didn’t make any drunken phone calls or send any text messages. Maybe it was best to address the situation head on and then move on. I started typing out a message to Martin.

Hey, I heard some stuff about last night and I’m not proud of it but I-

I erased the draft and started over.

Thanks for taking care of me last night

I quickly backspaced. I didn’t want him to think there were any feelings involved in anything that happened last night.

Sorry about last night, I just want to put this behind me

I turned off my phone and tossed it on the ground beside me. I should know better than to send a message to a boy the night after a party. It was nothing but an invitation to talk more. I wanted the opposite. I didn’t want to feel like I owed him anything, especially an explanation.

In that moment, I decided it was best to ignore him. He wouldn’t notice any difference and I could preserve the last shred of dignity I had. If I could forget about him, I could forget about telling him that he’s nice.

I groaned and shielded my face from the sun with one of my pillows. If I could forget the events of the night once, surely I could forget them again.

Martin

My head was still buzzing from the weekend’s excitement on Monday morning. If I didn’t know any better, I would say that I saw a vulnerable side to Alexa Hall. She tries to appear so perfect, but it was nice to see that she’s human too.

I was excited to see her in Sociology class. I couldn’t sleep last night because I was thinking about what I would say to her.

She always sat directly in front of me, so maybe I would lean down and whisper something in her ear. It would be like an inside joke between us. Or, I could just flash her a seductive, knowing smile and watch her blush. I don’t mean to brag, but it’s too easy for me to make girls blush.

Maybe I’d just go for it and ask her out. Say something about how I want to spend another night with her that ends with both of us being conscious. I was nervous, but it was the perfect moment. I really felt like we made a special connection Saturday night.

I got to the classroom a little earlier than normal to make sure I had enough time to talk to her before the lecture started. I was feeling a bit anxious, but ready. It was now or never.

A few minutes passed. She was usually in her seat by now, with her notebook and pen out, ready to take notes. Her hair always draped over the back of her chair. Sometimes, a few locks would fall onto my knees and I would carefully brush them away with my finger.

The professor entered and began the lecture. No Alexa. I figured she must be sick. Maybe her hangover was so bad that she was still not feeling well today. I was a little concerned. I pulled out my phone and texted her.

Are you sick? Do you want me to take notes for you? We can meet up later and I’ll fill you in on what you missed in class.

I hit send. This was just as good. It would give me a perfect reason to see her again. Because it had to do with school, she would never accuse me of trying any funny business with her.

I checked my phone a few minutes later. No response. Poor girl, maybe she was really sick. Would it be weird if I showed up at her dorm later? Maybe with flowers or chicken soup and apologize to her for getting her so drunk?

I tried to take good notes, but I kept getting distracted. I was daydreaming a hundred different scenarios where I approached Alexa and she was so thankful that I took care of her that she wanted to show her appreciation. Any possibility from a nice dinner, to a kiss, to a night in my bed—I thought of them all.

Before I knew it, class was over. I followed the herd of students exiting through the door in the back of the classroom. That’s when I saw Alexa, quickly stuffing her books in her bag. She never sits in the back row of classrooms. That’s where the slackers sit, and she was definitely not that. I called out to her, but she was already lost in the crowd.

I felt confused. I was so nice to her and I really thought she had a good time with me. She wanted to come back to my place, and when that obviously didn’t happen, she told me I was nice. That’s a lot coming from this girl. She seemed to have a general mistrust of men, and I thought I had finally broken through by proving to her that I just want to be good to her.

Now I was angry. I texted her with concern about her well-being and she didn’t even have the decency to respond? She deliberately avoided me and ignored me when I wanted to talk to her. I could have any girl I want, and she knows that. Did she hate me so much that she couldn’t even look at me?

I was right. My friends told me that she was worth pursuing, and they were totally wrong about that. She was a cold person. She only cared about herself. Of course she would, though. Girls who come from money never have interest in guys like me. I was stupid to think that this was going to work out.

I fumed the whole way back to my dorm. It was probably better this way. Before long, the school year would be over. I didn’t have time to chase girls, anyway.

I needed to focus on finishing up my degree and preparing for the professional football combine. With any luck, I would be moving, and she’d go back to her hometown, or wherever rich girls go when they graduate with a degree they’ll never use.

I was done with Alexa Hall. I had been turned down by plenty of girls in my life, and it was no big deal. I was just so surprised that she, of all people, wanted nothing to do with me.

In my anger, I typed out a text, my fingers shaking.

Sorry I made sure you got home safely the other night. I didn’t think it would upset you this much. Next time, I’ll leave you on the street, puking your guts out.

My finger hovered over the send button before I quickly deleted it. I didn’t need to make things worse than they already were. I decided to take a page from Alexa’s book and just ignore her too. I’ve been dumped many times for doing the wrong thing with girls. This was just the first time I was ever rejected for doing the right thing.

Alexa

“Sasha, everything is terrible and nothing is good.” I declared when I came home from class.

“That seems a little dramatic,” she said.

“If you understood, you would agree. My parents are coming to take me out for dinner this weekend.”

“Yeah, you’ve lost me,” she said.

“They’re bringing Sebastian with them,” I sighed.

“Is he the one that your mom is trying to set you up on a date with?”

“It’s worse than that. She constantly refers to him as my future husband and is already talking about wedding plans.”

“That’s messed up. I didn’t think that people still had arranged marriages in this country, but I guess I don’t know what rich people do in their spare time.”

I rolled my eyes at her. My mother has done this before and it’s extremely awkward to go on a double date with a guy you’re not attracted to- and your parents. I was excited to spend some time with my dad, but I was dreading seeing my mom and Sebastian.

Sebastian and I knew each other growing up. Our parents were friends and our mothers always conspired to hook us up. I actually did date him for a while, but there was no spark. We had completely different interests, and I felt like he was always talking over me.

To be honest, I didn’t find him attractive. I try not to be a shallow person, but how can you be in a relationship with someone when you can’t even bear the thought of being intimate with them?

The only reason my mom wanted me to marry him was because he’s going to be a lawyer in a few years. Once he graduates from Harvard Law, he’ll join his father’s firm. I’ve explained to my mom a million times that I don’t need a man’s money to take care of me.

I fully planned on using my degree to get a job after graduation. She scoffs every time I mention working.

“Do you think I can be a housewife?” I asked Sasha.

“Ha, not a chance. You would be bored after a week of sitting around the house.”

“It’s not just that,” I said. “I would also have to spend time with the other housewives. We would have to talk about our vacation homes and our clothes, and how impressive our child is on the violin. The thought of it makes me want to scream.”

“Why don’t you tell your mom that you want nothing to do with Sebastian?” Sasha asked.

“I have. That’s what makes it so frustrating. I tried to date him. It just didn’t work out.”

“Does he know that it’s not going to work out?”

“Sebastian?” I asked. “I hope so. I assume he’s just coming to dinner to appease his annoying mother, too.”

“What if he’s in love with you?” Sasha asked.

“He probably is, but that doesn’t mean I want anything to do with him.” We both laughed.

“Are you sure you don’t want to have babies with Sebastian and never work a day in your life? Maybe you should introduce me to Sebastian.” Sasha teased.

“Gross,” I laughed. “That baby would come out of the womb, already dressed in a three-piece suit with gold cufflinks. I want kids, but just not with him.”

Life with Sebastian would be easy. I would never have to worry about money.

All of my material possessions were handed to me. I wasn’t sure if I fully understood what it was like not to have unlimited funds to do whatever I wanted. I didn’t consider myself to be as materialistic as my mother, but I had never lived a “normal” life, either.

What if I was like an animal in a zoo, and my mother was trying to keep me in captivity, because she knew I wouldn’t survive in the wild? I tried to shake that thought out of my head.

In a way, I felt bad for Sebastian, too. He wasn’t a bad guy, and he probably found these encounters to be pretty awkward as well. I had a suspicion he wasn’t over me, which made it seem especially cruel that I continued to turn him down.

There was a time where I could have had feelings for him. One summer, during high school, we talked while in the Hamptons with our families. I had just caught my boyfriend cheating on me, and I was devastated.

He found me alone one night at the beach, crying about that stupid boy who had broken my heart. He was older and more mature than any of the boys I hung around. He told me that I shouldn’t let men have such a negative effect on me, and comforted me as I cried.

I will always be grateful for what he told me that night, but things just didn’t work out between us. I didn’t love him now, and I didn’t know if I ever would. I can’t risk being trapped in a passionless marriage for the rest of my life, even if it means I would have financial security and social status.

“Sasha, what should I do about this dinner? Can I just call them the day of and tell them I’m sick?”

“Not unless you want them pounding on our door,” she replied.

“I just have a bad feeling about it,” I said.

“No one can force you to marry anyone you don’t want to. Just eat your caviar or whatever you people eat, and stand your ground.”

I wasn’t so sure she was right about that. She had never fought with my mother. My mom always got her way. She’s a woman who knows what she wants, and will not stop fighting until she has it. It would be an admirable quality, if she didn’t use it to control my life.

When I was younger, my mom demanded that I take part in the debutante ball. According to her, it was just a natural part of life, like puberty or old age. I didn’t want to do it, because their dance and etiquette classes conflicted with my gymnastics class. I wanted to be the best cheerleader, and couldn’t have cared less about being presented as a part of her society.

After weeks of fighting, I found out that she anonymously reported some sort of health and safety violation at my gym, and it was closed for renovation for months. Just enough time to take part in the activity she chose for me. She’s a smart woman, but I’m a little scared of her power over me.

The only reason she was ever remotely okay with me being a cheerleader is because it often attracts the attention of men. To even get on the team, you have to be slim and muscular enough to perform the stunts, while still looking good in the uniform.

You also have to be pretty enough to be shown on television. She didn’t like the idea of me going to college to get a real education, but if I had to be here, she wanted me to get as much male attention as I could.

“You have the weirdest problems,” Sasha said as she looked up from one of her textbooks. “Too many boys like you, and your rich parents give you too much money in exchange for wanting to marry you off to a rich husband.”

“Trust me,” I said. “You would see it differently if it was your reality.”

I hadn’t thought about Martin until that moment. My mom would have a stroke if she saw me with a guy like that. He probably came from a boring, middle-class family with no vacation homes or boats. I bet they didn’t even own horses. It would be a dream to watch my mother’s expression if I even mentioned seeing a boy of his caliber.

But not Martin. Maybe someone like him, but not that particular boy. I didn’t want to think about him, but everything reminded me of the night of the football game. I thought about responding to the text he sent me during class, but I didn’t know what to say. I can’t just tell him that I’m ignoring him to protect myself.

That makes me look like a terrible person. I can’t tell him how embarrassed I am because I’m Alexa Hall. I don’t like to be wrong about anything and I certainly can’t appear vulnerable.

I mostly felt confused because I didn’t even like Martin. I shouldn’t feel guilty or embarrassed or upset in any way. If I didn’t like him, where was all of this coming from? I put on my headphones in an attempt to block out the conflicting thoughts with music. I picked up a book and tried not to think about boys or my mother or my future as a housewife. Maybe Sasha was right—I do have the weirdest problems.

Alexa

Sasha found me in my closet on Saturday afternoon pushing past rows of dresses and skirts.

“Looking for something to wear to dinner tonight?” she asked as I picked up a black Calvin Klein dress and held it against my body.

“Yeah, but nothing seems quite right for this occasion. What dress says ‘I’m at this lovely restaurant against my will’?”

“I think I have the perfect thing,” Sasha said and raced out of the room.

I picked up a custom made dress that I got when I went to China with my dad a few years ago. It was too pretty to waste on such an awful occasion.

Sasha came back in with a very plain, very shapeless dress. The hem hit my leg a few inches below the knee and the sleeves went just past my elbows.

“Where did you get this?” I said carefully. I didn’t want to insult her choice of clothing, but it would not be flattering on anyone.

“I bought it a while back for job interviews. It’s conservative enough to wear to a nice restaurant, but unflattering enough that Sebastian won’t find you as delicious as usual. Oh, and I bought it for twenty dollars, so your mom will be absolutely appalled.”

“This is perfect,” I smiled. “Which shoes should I wear with it?”

“Go with the black kitten heels. They say, ‘I’m a classy lady who isn’t here to impress.’”

I laughed at this. Sasha always gave the best advice.

“And make sure you order something messy, like spaghetti,” she added. “No one looks ladylike eating spaghetti. If you have sauce on your face, maybe it will deter Sebastian from trying to kiss you.”

“And if I ask for a lot of cheese on top, my mother will worry that I’m going to get fat!” I couldn’t stop giggling.

“Maybe it won’t be so bad, after all,” Sasha said.

“I hope not.”

* * *

When I got to the restaurant, my parents and Sebastian were already there. My dad looked tired, like he had been arguing with my mom and lost. My mom looked gorgeous as ever, eyebrows arched as though she recently had some stuff injected in her face.

Sebastian looked nervous, but dapper as always, dressed in a suit that he paid someone to pick out for him.

First, I hugged my dad. I love my dad and have always felt closer to him than I’ve ever been with my mom. He usually took my side in all matters, but there was no competing against my mom’s wishes.

Over the years, he’s managed to defend me a few times, which is no easy task. He also doesn’t come from money, which I think has made him more sensible about matters relating to social status.

My dad is extremely smart and helped start a software company back when computers were just hitting the market. He sold the company for millions of dollars and still works in technology. He was once just a handsome nerd wanting to get his ideas out into the world. Overnight, he became a millionaire and shortly after, he met my mom. She taught him how to navigate his new wealth and lifestyle and they got married and had me.

My mom comes from a completely different background. Her family has been rich for a long time. Her great-grandfather struck it rich with oil, and the money has been passed down from generation to generation.

Just like how money was passed down, so was the belief that the women in the family did not need to work. Besides occasional charity work or any kind of work that increased their celebrity, women were to stay away from the workforce.

Having a career of their own made it appear that their husbands couldn’t support them, and that was a major embarrassment. College was generally unnecessary for these women, because it distracted them from finding husbands and settling down.

My mother was a fairly successful model, mostly for the attention. She retired once she had me.

When I look at my parents’ life together, I often wonder if they are truly happy. Sure, my secretly nerdy father married a hot model, and my mom married a successful man, but besides that, what did they have in common?

Was it possible for two people, from two very separate backgrounds, to make it work? I thought about my brief courtship with Sebastian. We’re basically cut from the same cloth, but nothing is happening, so maybe it doesn’t matter that much, anyway.

The moment I sat down at the table, the waiter appeared with a drink menu. I ordered a glass of Pinot Noir without looking at the drink menu. My mom ordered a martini and Sebastian ordered some rare whiskey that I had never heard of. My friends tend to drink the cheaper stuff.

“Alexa,” my dad said cheerfully. “How was the last game? I wanted to come, but I had to travel for work.”

“It was great. I was really worried they were going to lose. We were down by eight with just minutes to go, and—“

I heard my mom let out a tiny, bored sigh.

“We won,” I finished. “It was good.”

“That quarterback they have is really something, isn’t he?” my dad said.

Yeah, he’s something, alright, I thought to myself.

“What’s his name?” my dad asked.

“Martin Thomas,” I said quickly.

“Yeah, that’s it. He’s fun to watch,” my dad said, blissfully clueless about all of the drama that unfolded last weekend. My dad and I are close, but not close enough that I would feel comfortable having that kind of conversation with him.

“Alexa,” my mom said. “Have you put any more thought into where you’ll be summering this year? We’ll be in the Hamptons again, with the Fields family, of course. I really think you should spend the summer with us. You spend enough time with your school friends now.”

“I don’t know yet,” I replied. “It’s too soon to make any plans.”

“You’re twenty-one years old, Alexa,” my mom said. “You should have made your future plans a long time ago. You’re lucky we’ve supported your silly college dream for this long.”

My dad looked away. I could tell he didn’t agree. He was always proud of me for getting into Princeton, and wanted me to do my own thing.

“We just want you to be happy, Alexa,” she continued. “You deserve to have a nice man to take care of you.”

At this, Sebastian reached under the table and rested his hand on my thigh. I flinched. I didn’t want to cause a scene, so I didn’t push his hand away.

“If you want,” my dad said carefully, “you can come work for my company. I need someone to help run charity events. It’s not a full-time job, you’d only have to work a few times a month.”

“Thanks for the offer,” I said. “But you know that I want to be a teacher. I’ve worked very hard to get good grades in my major. This is what I want to do.”

“What does a teacher even make?” my mom said, raising her voice.

Luckily, the waiter came back at that moment with our drinks. Everyone paused to take a long sip.

“Sebastian,” my dad quickly changed the subject. “How is law school going?”

“It’s going very well. In another year, I’ll join the firm, and a few years after that, I hope to be made partner.”

“Wow, that’s very impressive,” my mom gushed. “Don’t you think so, Alexa?”

“Yes, very impressive,” I mimicked my mom, who glared at me from across the table.

The waiter returned and asked for our orders. My mom got a salad, dressing on the side. My father ordered the sea bass and Sebastian ordered a steak and baked potato.

I quickly scanned the menu and found what I was looking for—Spaghetti Bolognese with extra cheese on top.

When the food arrived, I dug in as if I hadn’t eaten in days. I could see my mom studying me from behind forkfuls of her salad. It made me feel uneasy, like she knew something that I didn’t.

Sebastian hardly touched his food at all. I felt uncomfortable being here, so he must have felt ten times worse. He kept looking over at me, and then he would quickly look away. Finally, he slammed his fork down on the table. I was so startled that I nearly choked on a noodle.

“Alexa,” he said, grabbing my hand. “I can’t wait any longer. I need to tell you something.”

I raised my eyebrows. “Yes?”

“You are the most beautiful girl I have ever had the pleasure to know. I think about you every day, and I hope you think about me, too. I’m going to be very successful, very soon, and I know I can give you everything you want and need. We could build a beautiful family together.”

I looked over at my dad. His head was bowed and his jaw was clenched. Next, I looked at my mom. She was dabbing at the tears in her eyes and had a wide smile on her face. Then I looked back at Sebastian. He was slightly sweaty and had a nervous smile.

“I don’t know what I’m supposed to say,” I replied, truthfully.

“While I was at law school,” he said. “I realized that I would never find a girl as perfect as you. You are beautiful, elegant, and intelligent. You will make a wonderful wife and mother.”

This creeped me out. I figured he was still into me, but I wasn’t expecting a declaration of undying love, or whatever this was. I was trying to figure out how to shut this down in the nicest way possible.

Ew, get away from me was probably not my best option. Maybe I could say, I’m very flattered, Sebastian, but I don’t think of you that way. Let’s remain friends. Yeah, that was good.

“I’m very flatter—“ I started when he pushed himself back from the table and got down on one knee.

“Alexa,” he said, his hands and voice shaking, as he pried open a box, revealing a massive solitaire diamond engagement ring. “Please marry me and give us the future we both deserve.”

Almost everything was perfect. The restaurant was beautiful, with enormous crystal chandeliers and soft strings music playing. The ring was absolutely beautiful and had to have cost a small fortune. But the man was all wrong.

“Not you,” I murmured.

“Alexa!” my mom scolded.

“How dare you!” I said to everyone at the table.

We all sat quietly in shock. I was angry at my dad for not trying to stop this, and at the very least, not warning me. I was furious at my mom for setting this up. I was angry, but also felt a little sorry for Sebastian. How was he so delusional to think that I would say yes?

My mom has done a great number of things to upset me in my life. I can forgive her for the smaller things, like not letting me play sports. Or making me go to mother-daughter society luncheons that were incredibly boring.

I can even forgive her for all of the cruel things she’s said to me about my education and my passion for teaching. But this was unforgivable. She put me in a terribly awkward position and tried to change the whole trajectory of my life, without taking into account what I actually wanted.

I stood up quickly and immediately felt dizzy.

“I need to get some air,” I said breathlessly.

I walked briskly to the door, past staring customers and waiters. I pushed open the doors and felt the chill of the night air on my body. I pulled off my strappy heels and I started running. I didn’t know where I was running, but in that moment, I felt free.

Martin

“Martin,” Reg called. “The guys in Room 305 are having some people over. Are you coming?”

“I don’t think so. I’m not really in the mood.”

“There will be girls there. And beer. Two of your favorite things.”

“I think I’m going to go for a run,” I said. “Maybe I’ll meet up with you guys later.”

“Is it about Alexa?” Reg asked.

“It’s nothing. Really,” I added when Reg gave me a quizzical look. “I’ll catch up with you later.”

“Suit yourself.”

I laced up my running shoes and pulled a jacket over my head. Working out released a lot of stress, and was the best way I knew of for how to deal with my problems.

Some days I just ran for miles, without caring where I was going. By the time I got home, I would have either worked out my problems, or are just too tired to care about them anymore.

I didn’t want to admit it, but I was still pretty upset with Alexa. She had given me a sliver of hope that she was into me, and then immediately destroyed it.

Maybe it would have been different if she would have let me down gently. Or if my friends hadn’t been telling me for weeks that she was into me. People who like you generally don’t respond to acts of kindness with silence.

I had only made it a few blocks from my dorm when I heard a female voice call after me. The first time I heard it, I thought it was in my head. After the second time, I knew it was real. I stopped, squinting to see the figure running toward me.

It was Alexa. She was panting, running with her shoes in her hand. She stopped when she got to me and bent over, breathing hard.

“You’re not going to throw up on me again, are you?” I asked.

“Shut up,” she snapped. “I’m not in the mood for this.”

I saw fat tears rolling down her cheeks. She looked rough. The bottoms of her feet were filthy, her hair was wild and frizzy, and her face was red and sweaty. She was wearing some kind of boxy looking dress that was not her usual style. Despite all of this, I wanted to pull her into my arms and hold her.

“What’s going on?” I asked.

“I think this was the worst night of my life,” she sobbed.

“Do you want to come back to my place?” I asked. “It’s just three blocks from here. We can get you cleaned up, have a drink and talk about what happened.”

She nodded her head. I was surprised that she agreed to come back to my place, after spending the whole week ignoring me. Just like that, my anger had quickly dissolved and I was letting her come into my home.

Apparently, I was powerless against her.

We got to my dorm and she made a beeline to my bathroom. I quickly picked up the dirty clothes off my floor and sprayed some air freshener. Maybe she wouldn’t notice that I hadn’t cleaned in weeks. I was glad the apartment was empty. I would tell Reg about it, but now wasn’t the time to answer his questions. I needed to be alone with her for once.

Alexa opened the door and wiped her eyes again. Her hair was braided back and her blackened feet were scrubbed clean. I gave her a glass of water and she sat down on my bed. I didn’t know if it was okay to sit next to her, so I sat at my desk and turned my chair toward her.

She took a sip from her glass. “Thanks,” she said. “But do you have something a little stronger?”

I nodded and came back with a bottle of soda and some vodka.

“Better,” she said quietly.

“Do you want to talk about what happened?” I asked. I wasn’t great at talking about feelings, especially with girls.

She took a deep breath and told me everything. She started with her parents and described Sebastian to me. I didn’t even know the guy and I wanted to punch him in the face. She told me about how unsupportive her mom was and how her dad didn’t do anything to stop her. Then she told me about what happened at the restaurant. I couldn’t believe it. My family was messed up, but I knew that no one would ever try to arrange a marriage for me.

I felt really bad for her. I also felt guilty for thinking that I knew her. I always just assumed that her life was perfect. She had straight As in all of her classes, was the captain of the cheerleading team, and had all the money she could ever want. I thought her life was perfect. I was wrong.

When she finished telling her story, the only thing I could think to say was, “I’m sorry.”

“For what?” she said.

“That this happened to you. You don’t deserve to be treated this way.”

“Thanks,” she said, a small smile appeared on her pink lips. “Come here,” she said, motioning me over the bed.

I sat down on the bed next to her. She leaned over and put her head on my shoulder. She smelled so sweet.

“I feel like I should apologize to you,” she said. “I never thanked you for taking care of me the night of the game. You could have left me there, but you didn’t. I just want you to know that I really appreciate it.”

“If you don’t mind me asking,” I started. “Why did you ignore my texts and sit in the back of the classroom?”

“I don’t know, I was embarrassed and just wanted to forget all about it. I didn’t want you to make fun of me.”

“I’m capable of having serious discussions,” I interjected.

“I’m sure you are,” she said. “I have yet to see it, though.”

We laughed, her head still resting on my shoulder. I put my arm around her shoulders, pulling her in a little closer. She didn’t flinch. Nice.

“For what it’s worth,” I said, “I had a really good time with you at the party.”

“I think I did too, until the last few drinks happened,” she groaned.

“Even dancing with Donny?”

“You saw that?”

“Everyone saw that. You were dancing like a mad woman,” I chuckled.

“I like to dance,” she said defensively. “He was so sweaty, though. Why was he that sweaty?”

“Donny doesn’t pull a lot of hot chicks. He was probably nervous.”

We both laughed at this. It was so nice, just getting to talk like two friends. No trying to one-up each other, just talking.

“Did I -” she started. “Did I say anything to you while I was blackout drunk?”

“Not really, besides the fact that I’m apparently an asshole, but nice. So which is it?”

She gave me a coy smile. “Nice, I think. But I’m still not completely convinced.”

I couldn’t help but stroke her hair. It always looked so soft and smooth. I gently pressed my lips to the top of her head. She lifted her head and looked me straight in the eyes. Then suddenly, her lips were on mine and it took every ounce of restraint I had not to pull her in closer.

I wanted to put my hands on every square inch of her body, but I didn’t want to scare her away. When we pulled apart we were both silent, just staring into each other’s eyes.

Without warning, my door sprung open.

“What’s going on in here?” Donny yelled.

“What the hell are you doing?” I yelled back.

“Reg said you guys had another case of beer in here.”

“Why didn’t you look in the fridge? Shut the door and get out of here,” I said.

“Hey, Alexa,” Donny sneered. She looked like she wanted to disappear. “You better be careful, Martin. She’s a crazy one. She can do things in bed that you’ve never even heard of.”

“Nothing that I already haven’t done with your mom, Donny,” I retorted. With that, he left, slamming the door behind him.

“I’m really sorry about that,” I said. “That guy is a dick and is probably just jealous that no girl has ever been in his room.”

“I should go,” she said, gathering her shoes and purse.

“Do you want to come back later tonight?” I asked hopefully.

“I just need to be alone for a while, I think. I’ll text you sometime, though.”

I walked her to the door. She wordlessly kissed me on the cheek, and walked back to her building.

I wondered if this meant there was something going on between us, or if we just had a bad habit of being together during vulnerable times. I didn’t feel like going to the party anymore. I texted Reg and told him that I was going to bed and would talk to him in the morning.

Alexa

I put my key in the door, hoping that no one would be home. I didn’t think that I had the mental energy to explain the night’s events again. When I opened the door, Sasha was sitting at the kitchen table, leafing through a magazine and eating a bowl of ice cream.

“Hey, how did it go?” she asked cheerfully.

I broke down. I thought I did a pretty good job keeping in the tears until now.

“Remember when you said it wouldn’t be that bad?” I cried. “It was so much worse than I could have even imagined.”

She shut her magazine. “What the hell happened?” she asked.

By this time, I had the story down and told her about everything from how awful my mom was being to how odd and humiliating it was to be proposed to in a restaurant full of people.

As my story progressed, her jaw dropped lower and lower. By the time I told her about running out of the restaurant, both of her hands were covering her mouth and her eyebrows were nearly to her hairline.

“Have you talked to your parents since you left the restaurant?” she asked.

I didn’t even think about the fact that they might call. I checked my phone. There were three missed calls from my mom. She must have called while I was with Martin.

“I’m afraid to call them back,” I said.

“Maybe they’ll apologize for putting you in such a bad position,” Sasha suggested.

“That’s not going to happen,” I said with a hollow laugh. “I’m more worried that they’re going to disown me.”

“Don’t be dramatic. They’ve got some messed up priorities, but they love you.”

“You don’t know my parents. My mom was the one who found my Princeton acceptance letter. She threatened to completely cut me off. No more money, no more coming home. I was lucky that my dad managed to talk her out of it. I’m afraid he won’t be able to this time.”

“Cut you off for not agreeing to get married to some jabroni you don’t even like?”

“I wouldn’t be surprised. I’m thinking about opening a separate bank account just so I can survive. My parents have never let me get a job. I don’t have any work experience, so how will I survive if I can’t even get a part-time job?”

“We’ll worry about that, if that time ever comes,” Sasha said reassuringly. “At least your tuition is paid, so you have somewhere to live for the rest of the year.”

“Yeah, I guess we’ll see what happens.”

I dried my eyes on my sleeves and helped myself to a bite of Sasha’s ice cream. Even if my parents abandoned me, I would still have good friends like Sasha around.

“So do you think that Sebastian is done with you now?” Sasha asked.

“I would hope so, but it’s hard to say. Law student or not, I think Sebastian is incredibly stupid,” I giggled.

“Seriously,” Sasha said. “Take a hint, Seb! Is he good looking at least? Like what’s he like compared to someone like, I don’t know, Martin?”

“Martin!” I exclaimed. “I almost forgot to tell you about the second part of my night.”

I explained how I ran into Martin and how I went back to his dorm to talk. Sasha loved this story. When I finished telling her, she let out a squeal.

“You kissed?” she practically shouted. “How was it?”

“It was…nice. It was really, really nice.” I couldn’t help but break out into a smile.

“You’re in love with him, aren’t you?” she demanded.

“I don’t know about love,” I said hesitantly.

“But?”

“But I like him. A lot.”

Sasha let out a dramatic sigh. “Was that so hard to admit?”

“What do you mean?”

“You’ve liked him for ages. Why are you only now realizing it?”

“I don’t know,” I paused. I wasn’t even sure if I knew the answer to that. “Because he was always so rude to me. You know I’m not the type to chase after boys. I don’t want something I can’t have.”

“Are you kidding me?” Sasha said. “That’s the best part—the chase.”

“This was too much drama for me to handle though. If you dated a football player, I bet your parents would be pleased. Mine would disown me.”

“Yet again, I don’t understand your world,” she said.

“And I don’t think he can either. I don’t want to hurt him. I tried ignoring him for both of our sakes and that made things worse. I don’t want to lead him on when there’s a good chance that I’ll never see him again after graduation. I really don’t want to lead him on if I’m going to be marrying someone like Sebastian.”

“We can’t let that happen,” Sasha said.

“Unfortunately, I don’t think it’s up to us,” I said.

I couldn’t think of a scenario where either of us could be happy. I could be with Sebastian and keep my family. Martin would probably hate me forever. I could also date Martin, but then my family would disown me. What if Martin and I didn’t last? We haven’t had a great history of getting along, so if we broke up, I would be without a boyfriend and a family.

How could I keep my distance from Martin without upsetting him? Though, I wasn’t sure I could stand being away from him, either. His kiss was just a small preview of what I could have if I spent more time with him. I needed more.

My mom had put me on a dozen diets during my childhood. I knew better than anyone that if you eliminate something delicious from your life, then you’ll only want it more.

“I’m going to go hang out with Reg at a football party. Do you want to come with me?” Sasha asked.

“I think I’m going to go to bed. It’s been a very weird night,” I said.

What an understatement! I just attended a dinner with my parents where they arranged my marriage to a guy I have repeatedly said I wasn’t interested in. Then, by mere coincidence, I ran into the guy I really want to be with, and we kiss. It was like the universe was presenting me with two different futures, and I had to choose which one I wanted. It was too much for one night. I fell asleep the second my head hit the pillow.

Martin

I woke up early after a night of restless sleep. I kept having the weirdest dreams after Alexa left. I had a dream that I was in Alexa’s room and we were making out when she started taking off her clothes.

I was kissing her neck, and she was in ecstasy. But instead of moaning my name, she kept saying Sebastian. I would correct her, but she couldn’t hear me. She just kept saying his name. I think I woke myself up from saying my own name.

Once I managed to fall asleep again, I dreamt that Alexa’s parents were coming to kill me. I kept trying to run, but my feet felt heavy and sluggish. At one point, I even tried to run backward because my legs would not move forward. Her mom found me and held a gun to my head. I woke up when she pulled the trigger.

Now I was awake. After a night of poor sleep, I was left feeling just as confused as I did last night. I decided that I’d go crazy if I sat in my room alone, so I got dressed and went to the gym. I sent a quick text before I left.

Couldn’t sleep. I would love to see you. If you want to talk, I’ll be at the gym for a few hours.

I was just about to start my reps at the bench press when a familiar face appeared. There’s no faster way to spoil your peaceful workout than to have Donny around.

“Need me to spot you?” he asked.

“Sure,” I said dryly. “What are you doing here so early?”

“Rise and grind, baby,” he said stupidly. “As the captain, I have to set a good example for my boys.”

“I didn’t know coach announced new captains.”

“Well, not officially, but it couldn’t be anyone else but me.”

He was probably right, and that made me feel sorry for my younger teammates.

“So, you porked Alexa last night, nice,” he said, too loudly.

I glared at him. “That’s none of your business.”

“She’s gonna break your heart, man,” he said. “That’s what those rich girls do.”

I nearly dropped the bar on my chest. “What do you mean by that?”

“I went to boarding school up east. I’ve seen it a million times. Some girl starts hanging out with a boy who’s just there on scholarship. Once the parents find out he’s a nobody, they shut it down. There was this kid on the hockey team; his parents were farmers or something like that. They didn’t have a lot of connections.

The daughter of a senator starts hooking up with him. Next thing you know, he’s been expelled and she moves on to another kid.”

“What was he expelled for?” I asked, curious if this was even a real story.

“Honestly, nobody ever found out. But, you can be sure that that girl didn’t shed a tear over poor Bryan. Once her parents straightened her out, she found someone with more money, more connections. That’s the way it works. If you’re not good enough, they’ll move on to someone else.”

Listening to him talk about this made me feel ill. I was starting to believe him, too. He knew this world a lot better than I did. I was a complete outsider. Even if I went pro, I don’t think it would make any difference.

Is this what Alexa was going to do to me? She would use me for a few months and then move on to someone who could give her a better life. I knew I wasn’t good enough for her. I just wish I could have grown up in a family like Donny’s, just so I could have a chance to be with her.

I was about to get on the treadmill when I saw her enter the gym. I hoped that Donny was nowhere near. I didn’t need him spoiling my time with Alexa.

“Hey,” I said, waving her over. I didn’t know what the proper protocol was for whatever our relationship was. Do I hug her? Can I kiss her? I followed her lead and gave her an awkward smile.

“Look,” she started. “Last night was weird. I’m really glad I had you around to talk to.”

“Of course, anytime.” I didn’t know what else to say.

“I had a really weird dream about you last night,” I blurted out. Crap. Now she’ll think I’m a creep.

She laughed. “What was it about?”

“Your parents were hunting me and I couldn’t move my legs.”

“I actually had a strange dream about you last night, too,” she giggled.

“Did I die in that dream, too?” I asked.

“No, we were, um, we were in my bed. Sebastian came in and started crying.”

Blood rushed to my face from the image she put in my mind. I noticed she was blushing too.

“So,” Alexa started. “About last night…”

I clenched my jaw. This didn’t sound good.

“I don’t expect you to understand, but things are really complicated between my parents and me. I don’t think I can be in a relationship right now. I’m really scared that I’m going to lose everything if I upset them any further. I feel really terrible saying this—“

“It’s okay,” I said. “I get it. If you want space, I can give you that.”

“Thanks,” she said, biting her lip. “I don’t know what I want. I want to still have parents by the time I graduate.

My relationship with my mom has been rocky for years, but I don’t want to upset my dad. Apart from Sasha and Gia, he’s the only one who has ever supported me.”

“Does this mean we can’t talk anymore?” I asked.

She smiled. “No, of course not. There’s no reason why we can’t be friends. Especially now that I know you’re fun to hang out with.”

I smiled back. This wasn’t what I wanted, but I guess I could accept this compromise. Even if we couldn’t be together in the way I wanted, being friends with Alexa was better than no Alexa.

“Why don’t you and the girls come over to my place later this week?” I asked. I think Reg and Sasha have been hitting it off lately.”

She giggled. “Sasha hits it off with everybody.”

“What about Thursday night?”

“Perfect,” she answered. “I don’t have class on Friday. Do you?”

“It depends on how much I drink on Thursday,” I laughed. “Will I see you in class this week?”

She nodded. It looked like she still had a lot on her mind.

“I’ll see you later, then,” she said. “I’m going to swim some laps.” She held up her gym bag.

“See you,” I said, climbing onto the treadmill.

Maybe we would never be a couple. That didn’t mean we couldn’t spend some quality time together.

Alexa

After the three missed calls from the previous weekend, my parents hadn’t tried to get a hold of me. That was, until Thursday afternoon. During my Childhood Development class, I got a text message from my mom that said:

Alexa, call me as soon as possible.

I had been dreading this all week. It could go two ways: My parents could have realized after I ran out of the restaurant that they made a terrible mistake, they could apologize and tell me that they would never disown me or make me marry someone I didn’t love.

Or they could do the complete opposite. It was a toss-up.

I deliberately walked very slowly from the lecture hall to my dorm. I was thankful that it was the middle of the day, so no one would be around to eavesdrop on this conversation.

I always found it odd when my friends were embarrassed at how loving and affectionate their parents were with them in public. I remember Gia’s parents helped her move in. She rolled her eyes every time her mom took a picture or gushed about how nice the dorms were.

She groaned when her dad’s eyes filled with tears when he told her how proud he was of her. I was far more embarrassed that my mom hired a moving service to move my belongings because my dad was out of town and my mother refuses to do manual labor. I was embarrassed that my mom was forcing an engagement onto me and that my dad couldn’t say no to her.

I took a deep breath and called.

“Alexa,” she answered, already sounding exasperated.

“Hi, mom.” I didn’t ask why she was calling, because I had a suspicion I already knew.

“I just want you to know how utterly humiliated I was last weekend. I’m still furious about it. I haven’t slept well all week,” she said dramatically.

“Me neither,” I retorted.

“I hope you feel guilty about what you did to me,” she said. “Everybody at the country club knew that Sebastian was going to propose. I had already booked the last weekend in September for the wedding. A fall wedding in Martha’s Vineyard, Alexa. Do you know how many girls would kill for that?”

“I don’t want to get married, Mom. Not right now, anyway. Especially not to Sebastian.”

“But why not Sebastian?” she cried. “He is handsome, smart, and comes from a good family. He is perfect for you.”

“I just don’t like him in that way. Why don’t you understand that?”

“What way, Alexa? Some day, you will have to grow up and enter the real world. Do you think that any of your female prep school classmates are still single? At your age? Marriage is not some fairytale. You find a nice man that can give you what you want, and you learn to make your relationship work.”

“I don’t care about that stuff. I want my own career. I want a healthy relationship with someone I choose,” I insisted.

“You don’t understand, Alexa. You are not some middle-class girl or average person. An average life may seem romantic to you now, but you will surely regret it. You’ll have to cook your own food, clean your own house, and do your own laundry. If you want a new car or house, you’ll have to take out a loan from the bank. You can say goodbye to summers in the Hamptons and skiing in the Alps and winters in Bali. None of these things will be available to you.”

“Fine, then I’ll trade the Jaguar in for a Honda,” I scoffed. “It’s not a big deal.”

“Maybe not for you, but how do you think I feel? My friends will ask ‘oh, how is Alexa these days?’ and what do I tell them? You’re a school teacher with husband that works in insurance or something? Can you imagine the look of pity they’ll give me?”

That I could understand. These were my friends’ mothers, people I grew up with. Their favorite pastime was comparing status symbols. Their children were the ultimate status symbols. I could almost hear their whispers at the mention of my name. It still didn’t make it okay, though.

“Are you still there?” my mom asked.

“Yes,” I took a deep breath. “I’m sorry that you felt embarrassed. I was embarrassed, too. You put me in a very difficult position. I don’t want to hurt anyone, but I have to put my needs first.”

“So selfish,” my mom hissed. “How can you say that to me, after all I’ve done for you?”

“What have you done for me besides stand in my way at every opportunity? You throw money at your problems to make things seem even. It’s not even close. You can’t put a monetary amount on the disappointment and disapproval I’ve experienced from you.”

“I see,” my mom said, eerily calm. “In that case, I will stop ‘throwing money’ at my problems. You’re a big girl, Alexa. If you want to live your own life, I will not stand in your way. I gave you a chance to do the right thing and marry Sebastian. I will be dissolving your trust fund. I am canceling our credit cards in your name.”

“Mom,” I stammered.

“I will have your things put in a storage locker. Do not bother coming home when school is out. This is no longer your home.”

“You can’t do this,” I cried. “What about Dad?”

“Your father isn’t too pleased with your behavior either,” she said. “If he wants to see you, he can get in contact with you. I’m done, Alexa. If you change your mind about Sebastian, then we’ll talk.”

She hung up. I sat on my bed in stunned silence. Her response didn’t seem justified. I wasn’t asking for much; I just wanted to have a choice for my future. I felt sick.

Maybe she was right about me not knowing how to live on my own. I had a few thousand dollars in a bank account, but that was it. I didn’t know anything about money management, because I never needed to. I bought things because I wanted them, and I usually didn’t even look at the price tag. It just wasn’t something necessary.

I heard Sasha come through the door. “Alexa, I’m going to the dining hall. Want to come with me?”

“I’m not hungry,” I answered.

“What’s wrong?” she asked. She could always tell when something wasn’t right.

“It happened,” I sighed. “My parents cut me off and my mom told me not to come home at the end of the semester.”

I gave her the highlights of the conversation. She looked shocked, sad, and angry all at once.

“How can I help?” she asked.

“Help me forget about this,” I said. “We’re going over to Martin’s tonight.”

* * *

At nine o’clock, we knocked on Martin’s door. I wasn’t really in the party mood, but I needed to get away from my racing mind. Reg had a devilish grin on his face when he answered the door.

“You’re the first guests to arrive,” Reg exclaimed.

“Besides Sasha, Gia, and I, who else did you invite?” I inquired.

“No one, really. Martin said. “But people will show up. They always do.”

I sat down at their table, fiddling with the wrapper on the bottle of wine that I brought. This wine was much too good for a college party. It would probably be the last expensive bottle of wine I ever enjoyed.

“Let’s play a game,” Sasha suggested. “How about, Never Have I Ever?”

We all nodded in agreement and poured ourselves tall drinks.

“I’ll start,” offered Martin. “Never have I ever visited a foreign country.”

Sasha, Reg, and I took a drink.

“Never have I ever gone skinny dipping,” Reg added.

Martin, Sasha, Gia, and I took a drink.

“Never have I ever played football,” Sasha giggled.

“Hey, that’s cheating,” Reg said playfully. Reg and Martin took a drink.

“Never have I ever been cut off and disowned by my parents,” I said flatly.

Seeing as no one else had experienced this in their life, I took a long pull from my glass. I could feel everyone’s eyes on me. I made quick eye contact with Martin. His eyes were wide with surprise and worry.

“Let’s play something else,” Gia said quickly. “I have a deck of cards in my purse.”

With a few more drinks in my system, I was starting to feel a lot better. We played some card game that Gia knew how to play, but no one else really understood. This resulted in a lot of drinking.

“You girls are not messing around,” Martin said after finishing off another beer. “I shouldn’t be surprised; I already know that Alexa can drink me under the table.”

“Yeah,” Sasha added. “But then you’ll find her under the table as well.”

Everyone laughed. There was no use defending myself after the great final game debacle.

Martin and I were getting along really well. I was afraid that things would be awkward after we talked, but he was really cool. I realized that we had a similar sense of humor and we liked the same books. I really felt like we could be friends. It would have helped if he didn’t wear t-shirts that revealed his perfectly sculpted arms, but I could learn to ignore them.

“We’re out of alcohol.” I announced to the group around eleven-thirty.

“No problem,” Martin said. “Let me make a quick phone call.”

Sasha kept smiling and raising her eyebrows at me while Martin was on the phone.

“What?” I hissed under my breath.

“You two are in love. You’re so perfect together; it makes me want to barf.”

“We’re friends,” I whispered back.

“What’s the point? You’re already cut off, you can do whatever you want now.”

In a sense, she was right. However, I had a slight hunch that I could appeal to my dad if I needed to. If they found out that I was dating a football player with no family connections, they would lose their minds.

“I’m hoping it will pass,” I said, not wanting to explain myself.

Minutes after Martin got off the phone, there was a knock on the door. When he answered, a group of football players crowded in, each holding various types of alcohol.

“These are the perks of being the captain,” Martin said with a wink. “Choose whatever you want.”

I grabbed a bottle of some kind of vibrant green liquor. I took a sip straight from the bottle. It was super sweet and fruity. Too sweet. I poured some in a glass with ice and added a splash of soda.

“Be careful with that stuff,” Donny said. “It almost tastes too good.” He turned to his teammates, “I give it to all of the girls I hang out with.” No one was amused.

“You’re truly a terrible person, Donny,” Martin said.

“Ooh,” Donny teased. “Sounds like someone is jealous that he hasn’t been laid in a while. I bet Alexa here can help you with that.”

I could see the anger burning behind Martin’s eyes.

“Ignore him,” Martin said directly to me. “You don’t deserve to be talked to like that.”

His face was so serious, something that I didn’t see often. He was usually smiling or cracking a joke. I felt safe, protected. His eyes were so soft and comforting. His jaw was so strong and square, and I had the sudden urge to put my hand on his defined cheekbones.

“Don’t worry about,” I said. “I’ve heard it all before.”

I grabbed his wrist and brought him back to the table. Someone brought a trivia game over and we took a drink every time we got an answer wrong. It was so stereotypically Ivy League of us, playing trivia at a college party. This game became more challenging the longer we played because the alcohol wasn’t helping me recall facts from my memory. Eventually, I got bored and starting taking shots with some of the football players.

I was getting tired of standing around, so I took my cocktail over to the couch and plopped down.

“Feeling alright?” Sasha asked.

I just smiled stupidly. Coherent language was too difficult at this point.

Gia looked concerned. “Are you okay? You usually don’t drink this much. Do you want me to take you home?”

“I’m fine,” I slurred. “I’m not even that drunk. Honestly.”

They weren’t fooled by my lie. “I’ll get you a glass of water,” Sasha said.

Suddenly, Martin was sitting on the couch next to me. I was so happy to see him. I put my hand on his knee, sliding it up his strong thigh.

“You’re drunk,” he said with a grin.

“You are,” I replied.

“Not as drunk as you,” he countered.

I wanted him to take me to his room and kiss me. I wanted to feel his body, to be close to him. I wanted him to be mine, if just for one night.

“I’m going to get another drink,” I said. “And then I’ll be right back.”

“I’m not going anywhere,” he said.

On my way back to the kitchen, I peeked into Reg’s room. Sasha and Reg were making out. I smiled, but felt a pang of jealousy. If they dated, I’m sure their parents would be thrilled. I wanted that. Now.

I slammed a shot of vodka since that was easier than making a cocktail. I walked up to Martin, looked him straight in the eye, raised one eyebrow, and walked into his bedroom.

Martin

I know we said that we were going to be friends, but I couldn’t take it. I loved talking and laughing with her, but there wasn’t enough.

I thought platonic friendship could ease my cravings for her, but it just made them more intense. I wanted to stroke her silky hair and look into her big, brown eyes. I watched her lips as she talked and I wanted to feel them against mine.

Having a lot of people around made it easier to deal with the longing. Rumors would start if people saw us kissing or holding hands, and that would not help her situation with her parents. I didn’t even know her parents and I hated them.

I was talking with some guys from the team and the next thing I knew, she was sitting on the couch with a drink in one hand, and her head resting on the other. She’s completely trashed. That’s not usually a great look on most girls, but she still managed to look cute. Her sleepy smile was so sweet.

I commented on how drunk she was and she tried to say the same about me. I had plenty of drinks, but I rarely get drunk. Once again, she out drank me. Sasha said she didn’t have supper, so that probably wasn’t helping.

To be honest, I was a little worried about her. She hadn’t given me details, but what she said about being cut off and disowned was troubling. I wanted to reassure her and tell her everything would be fine, but I didn’t know that. I certainly couldn’t help her out in that department.

Seeing how drunk she was, I suppose I should have expected some PDA, but I didn’t and was caught off guard when she placed her hand on my knee. I nearly jumped off the couch when she ran her hand up my leg.

I didn’t want anyone to see, but I didn’t want her to stop. I was getting turned on and debating whether I should try to make a move on her or not. On one hand, my bedroom was just a few feet away. On the other hand, my dorm was filled with a bunch of people.

She got up to get another drink. I was about to tell her that I didn’t think it was a good idea, but if I knew anything about Alexa, it was that no one told her what to do.

As soon as she got up, Donny plopped down in her place.

“Dude, you gotta hit that tonight,” Donny said.

“Don’t you have somewhere you should be?” I pleaded.

“Nah, bro, I’ve come to give you some advice.”

“What do you possibly know that I don’t?”

“I’ve known you for three years now,” he said. “You could get all the girls you want. Chicks go crazy for the quarterback. It wouldn’t even matter if you were weird or ugly. Girls would still eat that shit up.”

“Thanks,” I said dryly.

“All I’m saying is, drunk girls are easy. Cheerleaders are pretty easy, too. This one is especially hot. If you don’t do her, I will.”

I pushed him away from me.

“What makes you think that she would want you?” I asked, getting angrier by the second.

“I don’t know about her, but I’m sure her parents would be okay with it.”

This struck a nerve.

“Please leave,” I begged. Alexa would be back any second and I didn’t want Donny to be sitting here when she did.

“Not until you promise me you’ll have sex with her tonight.”

“Okay, okay, fine,” I said quickly. Anything to make him leave us alone.

Instead of sitting back down on the couch, Alexa gave me what I think was meant to be a “come hither look.”

Her eyes were a little sleepy so it was hard to tell. She strutted into my bedroom, and shut the door halfway. Donny let out a whoop, and I returned it with a glare. I didn’t want anyone to spoil this for me. The party was winding down, and I hoped that everyone would leave us alone.

She sat on my bed and unstrapped her heels. She inched toward my pillows and patted the mattress next to her. I quickly obliged.

She rested her head against my shoulder, just like the night of our kiss. I was hoping we’d get further this time.

“This is…friendly,” I said, breaking the silence.

“I know I said I just wanted to be friends, but you look too good not to touch,” she slurred.

“You look amazing too,” I said. “When your hand was on my leg, I wanted to pick you up and throw you on my bed.”

She giggled. “I would have loved that.”

I thought about all the things I wanted to do to her. She’d probably like that too. I was a little worried she was too down for anything. She was pretty drunk. I’d had drunk sex before, and it was never as good as it was sober. What if the first time was sloppy and awkward? What if she woke up tomorrow with a hangover and regret? What if she didn’t even remember it at all?

I wanted her, but not like this. She was so drunk she could hardly stand. I thought about what Donny said and it made me feel queasy. I wasn’t looking for a one night stand. I wanted her and I to still be friends, or something more, in the morning.

“Let’s watch a movie,” I suggested, hoping she’d sober up a little.

“Okay,” she said, as she slid under my sheets.

I chose a movie at random, knowing that we were probably both too distracted to even watch. I put my arm around her shoulders and she took my face in her hands and kissed me, hard. Her tongue was in my mouth; she tasted like a mixed drink. She straddled me and pulled my shirt over my head. Her hands were soft, slowing sliding down my sides.

She fumbled with the button on my pants. I stopped her, but I doubted that she had the dexterity at this point to get them open. Having her on top of me was unbearably arousing.

I tried to slow things down by laying her on the bed, but that only prompted her to pull her top off. She struggled with her jeans for a while before kicking them off onto the floor. She was down to just her underwear and bra and I wanted to take in the magnificent sight. I laid on my side and pulled her close to me, wanting to touch as much of her as I could.

“You’re so incredibly beautiful. Do you know that?” I said. Of course, she knew, but I couldn’t stop telling her that.

She smiled at me with closed eyes.

“Are you falling asleep?” I asked.

“No, I’m awake,” she responded, eyes still closed.

“Do you like me?” I asked. It seemed like such a childish question, but I wanted to know.

“Yes,” she mumbled. “Do you like me?”

“More than you can imagine.”

I held her in my arms and listened to our front door open and shut. The party was over, and I had Alexa all to myself. I figured if everyone was gone, I’d run out to the kitchen and get some water and snacks to help sober her up.

I peeled her hands off of me, threw on a shirt, and grabbed two bottles of water and a box of crackers from the empty kitchen.

I asked her if she wanted a snack, but she didn’t respond. I gently shook her and she let out a snore. I couldn’t help but let out a groan.

“Oh, Alexa,” I whispered. “We have the worst timing.”

Since I had snacks and the movie was still on, there was no point in bothering her. I’d let her sleep it off and make her breakfast in the morning to ease her inevitable hangover. When I couldn’t keep my eyes open anymore, I stripped off my shirt and pants. I often sleep in the nude, so I was providing her a courtesy by leaving my underwear on.

I figured she would be fine with me sleeping next to her. After all, she was trying to get me naked before she fell asleep. I kissed her on the head and rolled her onto her side in case she got sick during the night.

I rolled the other way, hoping that just once, everything in the universe would align so we could have one perfect night together.

Maybe our relationship wasn’t meant to be perfect. Maybe she would always keep me guessing. Maybe this would all implode, and I would be turned into dust, her shining bright as ever.

I didn’t care. Against my better judgment, I would do whatever it took to be with her.