It had been a while since I went to a party, and an even longer while since I was so anxious to be at one. I’d tried to avoid them after the last year. Things had gotten…out of control and I was finally clean and sober. I stepped out of the car and onto the lawn of an unfamiliar house. I wasn’t there for sightseeing, though. I might know a few people that would attend the party, but there was only one person I wanted to see.

“Hey, man, you look excited,” Craig, my best friend, said with a laugh. “Damn, and I thought I’d have to drag you here!”

I didn’t say anything, shooting him a dirty look when he gave me a smack on the back that made me stumble.

“It’s not like my being here matters anyway. I know you, you’re going to find some sexy nurse and take her home with you for the night, won’t you? Or, hell, why go home! There’s a perfect house with plenty of room right here.” I gestured at the house with my hand.

He just laughed some more, not even trying to deny it.

“You know me well,” he said shamelessly, grinning. “But, dude! Nurses are the best! And I told you, didn’t I? Some of the nurses that work over at General Hospital will be coming over!”

“And I’m sure it’s the only reason you came here at all,” I said with a mock sneer.

He just smirked. “Hey, you never know. You might meet someone you wouldn’t mind taking home with you for once. You’re young, Ryder. Live a little! Find some pretty young lady to fuck, and either see her tomorrow, or you don’t. I brought you with me today because you seriously need to get laid.”

I rolled my eyes, shoving my hands in my pockets as I picked up my pace. Really that was the last thing I needed. The last pretty girl I hooked up with…well, it just did not go well.

Craig suddenly called out and jogged until he was walking beside me. He threw an arm over my shoulder, but I just ignored him. Even Craig wouldn’t distract me from this. Though, he and his thing for nurses was the whole reason I was here. He’d told me already that nurses from General Hospital would be at this party. It was the only reason I dragged myself out of my place.

My heart was beating hard and fast, and it only seemed to get worse as we neared the entrance.

Craig opened the door, and the muffled noise was suddenly deafening, but I didn’t pay it much mind. “Hey, look,” Craig said, having to yell over the sound of music and people mingling to be heard. “I’m gonna look for some of the guys, and we can hang out for a bit, all right? Don’t disappear on me!”

I spared him a second, just long enough to scoff at him. “Really? When you know you’re going off on your own the moment we’re inside?”

He didn’t reply, just winked at me with a smirk, then he disappeared into the crowd.

I put him out of my mind and looked around. My heart still wasn’t coming down, and my hands were beginning to sweat. I lost count of how many times I’d rubbed my palms on my jeans until I just kept both on my thighs.

“Hey, Ryder!”

“Dude, over here!”

I heard the few people I knew calling me over, but I ignored them with nothing more than a vague wave. I was still looking for someone, but she might not even be there.

Alexis…where the fuck are you?

I frowned the longer I looked and didn’t see her. Alexis, the girl I took to the Prom and thought I’d spent the rest of my life with. Well, I was pretty naïve back then, but still, she was the best thing I could remember from my life back then. Back before everything...

Of course, I managed to screw that up too, though I’m still not sure what happened. Out of nowhere, she just pulled away from me. I hadn’t even realized it was happening. That had always pissed me off.

She’s got to fucking be here, I thought to myself, growing a little frantic. There’s no way she wouldn’t…right?

I could just picture it. She’d show up, we’d talk, and I’d find out what happened and maybe we could get together again. Maybe this would be the upswing my life needed. Maybe it was just a crazy illusion, but…fuck! Whatever happened in the end, I just wanted to see her.

“Ryder, hey! There you are. Why are you still by the door?”

I looked up at Craig’s yell, easily discernible even over the loud noise. I didn’t bother telling him I was looking for someone in particular. If Alexis wasn’t there, maybe it was because she hadn't arrived yet, and I didn’t want to miss her.

“Look who I found!” he continued, dragging a few people behind him.

“Oh, look,” I said without a hint of enthusiasm. “It’s the guys!” I frowned at Craig, but he didn’t seem to notice my sour mood.

It wasn’t like I had something against them. They were all my friends from high school and college; it was just that Alexis was unfinished business. I'd planned on fixing that tonight. I didn’t have any other way to contact her, so if she didn’t show up…

Don’t fucking think about that, I told myself with a wince. She’ll come.

But even as I thought that with complete confidence, I was rubbing my palms against my jeans.

“Well, don’t just stand around here!” Craig said, grabbing my arm. “Let’s go get some drinks, shoot the shit, just like old times!”

I was reluctant, drinking really wasn’t what I wanted to do, but I let him drag me. At least we moved to a sofa that wasn’t so out of view of the entrance. As long as people didn’t get in my way, I’d have a clear view of whoever came in through the door. Someone shoved a beer in my hand, and I started drinking without thinking, idly listening to their chatter. I barely noticed when a second bottle, then a third, was shoved into my hands.

What the fuck, Alexis…

“The fuck is up with you?”

I jumped at Craig’s voice, so sudden and way too close to my ear. I shoved him off me with a look or irritation, but he just laughed.

“The fuck do you mean?” I growled back.

He shrugged his shoulders, and he must have drunk more than me, but his eyes were looking right at me.

“I don’t know, man, just…on edge. Like you’re waiting for someone.” His expression froze, then he leered. “No way. You’re checking out the crowd, looking for a specific girl? Maybe one to fuck?” he added suggestively.

“Why don’t you make yourself useful and get me another drink, huh?” was my sarcastic reply.

He just laughed and tossed another beer bottle at me. I unscrewed the lid and took a mouthful before my eyes went back to the way of the entrance. More people had come in, and I sat up straight as they mingled in with the crowd. But I slumped back into the seat when I determined none of them looked like they could be Alexis.

I swear… I fucking swear, Alexis. If you don’t show up, I’m going to go to the hospital to look for you.

I probably should have done it a long time ago instead of waiting for a coincidence that might never be realized. It was a little late for regrets, either way.