He doesn’t need me anymore, does he?

I didn’t mean to think it, but the words just popped up in my mind. In any case, I couldn’t argue against them, could I?

It was only a few days since the breakthrough with his physiotherapist, and Ryder was hard at work. He at least knew his limits, thankfully, though there was a part of me that died a little when I realized this because it only made him need me even less.

Ryder seemed determined to pull a miracle to be able to walk properly in a few weeks. Already, he could walk himself down the stairs, if he held onto the railing and went slow so he wouldn’t miss a step. He would also have to stop and sit down if his legs started to tremble. The stairs weren’t that big, to begin with, but it only took him three steps to reach the bottom, and even I could tell it was amazing.

“Alexis?”

I glanced over my shoulder as Ryder called me. I was in the kitchen cooking, but I wanted to pause for whatever he needed to do. I wasn’t used to him calling me, it was something that he did once in a while, not this regularly.

I couldn’t help the feeling of suffocation in my chest when I saw him walk through the kitchen, pushing on his chair and using it as his support.

“I was coming to see what was going on with lunch,” he said, giving me a carefree smile. He moved over to the dining table, shifted his hold on the chair to the table, and carefully sat himself down. “You’ve been down here for a while.”

“Huh?” I tilted my head, confused about what he meant. “But I’m cooking…”

Then I looked at the counter and winced. Most of the vegetables I was supposed to chop, were either not cut, or not cut properly. I had a pot on the cooker, but I hadn't turned it on yet.

“So sorry,” I said as I moved quickly and I felt confused for a second about what I was supposed to do next.

“I must have spaced out for longer than I thought. Crap, I really shouldn’t think about becoming a professional chef, right?”

I turned on the fire under the pot and kept it low, then added some olive oil to warm. Quickly, I cut up the vegetables and put them in, stirred for a bit, and scrambled around for the other ingredients.

“Do you need any help…?” Ryder asked hesitantly.

I shot him a distracted smile as I wondered just how much spice to add. “Nah, it's fine. You just stay there and rest; I’ll have some food ready for the both of us before you know it.”

Cooking kept me preoccupied. The last thing I wanted to do was to accidentally poison us, after all, by not paying attention to what I was doing. Or, worse, making a mess and ruining the food.

“How were you coming down the stairs?” I asked to break the silence because it felt awkward. Though we’d lost that quite a while ago.

“It went well,” Ryder replied happily. “I only had to rest twice, and it wasn’t hard making it down with the chair.” Then he sighed. “Not sure I’ll be able to make the walk back up the same way, though.”

“Of course not, it’s supposed to be the hardest part. The problem with coming down the stairs is shifting your weight. If one of your legs gave out on you, you would tumble down, but it still takes way less effort than having to pull yourself up. In your current state, that you can walk yourself up to the stairs at all, even a few steps, is good enough.”

Ryder sighed again. “The physiotherapist said the same thing, but I hate having to drag my ass up the stairs. It won’t be for much longer, though,” he said decisively.

I bit my lower lip because I wanted to ask him why the hurry. Was he so eager to rush me off? Now that I was done putting the food together, all I had to do was stir and watch to be sure nothing burned. It didn’t require nearly as much concentration, and my mind wandered places I didn’t want it to. I ignored the ache in my chest, with difficulty.

“Your dad called,” I said as nonchalantly as I could over my shoulder.

“Oh? What did he say,” he replied, tone casual.

“He knows about all the progress you’ve been making, and he’s excited to come home. He’ll be back sometime next week, but he didn’t specify when.”

“Forget about him,” he said dismissively. “He stopped coming home as often once I could get around, even in a wheelchair. I’m sure he’ll put it off as long as possible.”

I turned around with a disapproving frown, even as my hand still stirred. “Why would you say that? Your dad fucking cares about you, you know?”

He gave me a puzzled look. “Oh, I know he does, it’s just, he’s really busy, you know? Too busy to keep looking in on me. And to be honest, he and I don’t get along so well, so it’s a lot less stressful with him not here.”

“You’re not on good terms with your dad?” This was the first I heard of it.

Ryder shrugged. “Not so much that, we just…have differences in opinion.” Then he smirked. “Take you, for example. I wanted to chop his head off when he told me he’d hired you. I didn’t think I deserved you taking care of me. But I’m glad I gave in, in the end.”

I pursed my lips then turned my back to him again. “About that...” I started slowly.

Ryder hummed. “What is it?”

I chewed on my lip some more, debating whether or not to tell him. I made my decision quickly, though, realizing his dad could just call Ryder directly. I took a deep breath and let it out in a gust.

“He talked to me…about my terms of employment.”

There was a short silence. Then he said, “What?”

The food didn’t need me to even look at it, so I put the fire on low and turned around. I leaned my ass against the counter and folded my arms across my chest in a defensive position. I kept my face as free of emotion as I could as I explained things to Ryder.

“I know we’ve both forgotten, but remember I’m still here, working as your nurse, as I have been the whole time. Your dad pays me to take care of you, Ryder.”

He frowned. “You weren’t just taking care of me because of—”

“No,” I said quickly, cutting him off. “I wouldn’t have done any of the things I did with you if that were the case. But, he was saying, since you were starting to come around, maybe I was no longer needed, and he could just bring a relative to come over and help you out.”

I waited after my little speech. My body trembled, but it was so fine, with the distance between us, he probably wouldn’t even notice. My fingers dug into my arms where he couldn’t see. I didn’t want him to see just how bothered I was by all this.

After processing everything, he moved away from the table, still in his chair, and turned to face me properly.

“Alexis, what the hell? Don’t tell me you’re ready to leave me.”

I smiled sadly. “You no longer need me, Ryder. And it would be rude of me to keep draining your bank account; my services aren’t exactly cheap. Besides that, we owe each other nothing.”

He stared at me, expression unbelieving. “So, you…”

“I’m to get packed and ready to go when your dad gets here,” I finished. “And he will be showing up sometime next week or after, but soon-ish.”

“No.”

My breath hitched at the simple word, but I forced myself to breathe normally and arched a cool eyebrow his way.

“Alexis, please,” he said, unexpectedly and then he started pleading with me to tell him the truth. “Please, don’t leave.”

My fingers tightened on my arms some more, if I wasn’t in a long-sleeved flannel shirt, I might have drawn blood already. “And why not? You don’t need me anymore, Ryder,” I asked, jutting my chin out even as my body’s trembling grew more pronounced.

Ryder was breathing a little fast, and I hesitated, wondering if he needed help. Before I could offer it, though, he was pushing himself out of his chair. He stumbled a little, and my body straightened, but I didn’t need to dash over. His walk was unsteady, though I didn’t know if it was his strength failing, or his emotions. Once he hit the island that divided the kitchen area from the dining area, he held onto it, walking slowly around it.

He stopped in front of me, facing me, with his hands gripping the counter behind him on either side of his hips. His grip was so tight his knuckles were white, and with him this close, I realized he was trembling, too.

“Look, Alexis,” he said carefully. “I know I wasn’t the best to you that I could have been, before all of this. But I want to try us again, for real this time. I don’t give a fuck what my dad says, just…please stay with me? I don’t want you disappearing on me again.”

The words echoed what he’d said back then, that night I showed up at the party, and Ryder, drunk, appeared in front of me insisting we talk. This time, though, he was asking me to stay. My eyes blurred with tears as my lips curved up into a shaky smile. I crossed the short space between us and wrapped my arms around him because I wanted to hug him and to give him some support, because his body still trembled.

Because he still needed me and we both knew it and we needed to stop pretending that we didn’t mean anything to each other. We were in love and I wanted him to know that I wanted him in my life. Not just for now, but for always.

“I can't think of any place that would be better. You’re my everything, Ryder, and I want to forget about the past and move on with my life. Only with you.”

I didn’t know what more, I had to do to convince him.

“I want to be here with you.”

This time it was me pleading and then I held onto Ryder and buried my head into his chest. He held me so tight and he didn’t need to say a word, I listened to his heart racing. I smelled his woody scent and knew that I would be smelling that for the rest of my life. It made me feel at home with him. I loved him and I knew more than anything that he felt the same way about me.