I couldn’t help myself. Even when I thought it would be better off for everyone if I never met Ryder again, still I found myself in front of his room just before my shift the next day. He’d had his second surgery and was now recovering, or so I’d been told. So as soon as he’d been moved out of intensive care to his own room, I decided to go check on him. And I’d been standing right in front of his door for the past five minutes already.

Just go inside, I thought, trying to coax my feet to move. The door is right fucking there, and Ryder is behind it. Awake, if not completely fine.

Decided, I took a deep breath, then stepped forward and knocked on the door. I paused, then slowly opened the door. If he was asleep, then I would leave.

He was awake though, and his eyes were staring right at me when I opened the door.

I froze for a moment, then I smiled and opened the door a little wider. My smile probably looked small and guilty, exactly how I felt.

Ryder’s eyes narrowed on me, and I hesitantly walked into the room.

“Hey there, Ryder,” I started tentatively. “Sorry I haven’t come to see you, I’ve just been—”

“What are you doing here, Alexis?” he asked, cutting me off, his voice cold.

That had me stilling again.

I wasn’t sure what I’d expected when I decided to see him, exactly. I’d thought up plenty of scenarios, and some of them involved him begging for forgiveness, and me being the nice person that I was, telling him he didn’t need to apologize, that I was the one who was sorry.

I didn’t, because by seeing the look on his face, I could see that he wasn't happy. If anything, far from it.

“I u-um,” I stuttered, unsure how to go on. “We were both in that accident, and I just wanted to make sure you were okay,” I said slowly.

Ryder scowled. “Yeah, right,” he scoffed. “Like you couldn’t find that out from watching TV? I heard it was broadcast, right? If you were really worried, you should have been here when I woke up.”

I tightened my lips and frowned. I didn’t want our first sober talk with each other to be about us fighting. We didn’t even fight back when we were together, not really. Though considering how I’d left...

“I was in that crash with you, Ryder,” I reminded him. I didn’t have to mention that he caused it, he probably knew that already. His expression soured. “I was injured myself, and I couldn’t get to see you before I was discharged. You weren’t awake anyway.”

“That isn’t the point,” he growled.

“Then what is?” I asked, exasperated, throwing my hands up and letting them fall back to my sides. “I didn’t even go to work for these last two weeks; I stayed at home—”

“Were your injuries so severe that you needed to have surgery, though?”

I would have been annoyed at him cutting me off again, but I didn’t know how to respond to that. I got his point without needing him to go any further. We were both injured, but he was hurt worse than me.

Still! My mind shouted in protest. Does he have to make this into some fucking competition? We both could have died!

“I’m sorry that I wasn’t here,” I said slowly, clenching and unclenching my fingers, trying to control my temper. “But this is not that easy, Ryder. Can't you just appreciate that I came to see you? You seemed pretty desperate to talk to me when we were at that party.”

Ryder sneered. “Appreciate you coming to see me? Give me a fucking break, Alexis!” His voice was a little louder, and the beeping of the heart monitor picked up slightly.

I winced, remembering that he was a patient at the hospital, and I shouldn’t be getting him agitated. “Ryder, I—”

“You’re happy, aren’t you?” Ryder growled. “You have to be. You left without a fucking word to me. You disappeared, ignored my calls. I tried to move on, you know. But you—” He shook his head, closing his eyes tight. “Then I find you again, and this shit happens.”

“But you were the one driving,” I couldn’t help point out.

“It doesn’t fucking matter,” he snapped. “That isn’t the fucking point, Alexis. You’re probably happy that I’m here, right? Lying on this bed and looking so damn weak, in a pathetic state. You came here to gloat, right? You knew this was where my life was headed, right? It’s why you disappeared, isn’t it!”

I opened my mouth to defend myself, only for the words to freeze in my mouth. There was no way any of that was true, but I could tell, looking at his face, that he might believe it.

At first, I was pissed. So fucking angry, that I devoted any of my time to this man, and this was how he viewed me. “It’s not like I didn’t try to stop you, Ryder,” I said, my voice quiet. “I did. A lot, but you wouldn’t listen to me.”

“Of course not, Alexis,” he said with a smirk, his tone mocking. “I was fucking drunk. What did you expect? You could have tried harder. Or better yet, not been there at all so shit wouldn’t have gone to hell.”

I gaped at him. “I did fucking try, Ryder!” Even as I said that to him, though, my voice wavered. Because this was something I’d thought to myself several times ever since that day. I’d admitted to myself there was a lot I could have done differently. Hindsight was always a bitch, though; it shouldn’t be my fault that I couldn’t think of any of them at the moment.

“Again, Alexis! Not enough.” He gestured at his prone body. “If you’d done a good job, enough to deserve an applause even, I wouldn’t be in this bed at all.”

He is blaming me. I pressed my lips together, feeling a stab of pain in my chest. Guilt. I’d come to see him, not just because I was worried about him, but because I felt so fucking guilty. I couldn’t get it out of my head that had I only tried harder, like he was saying, he wouldn’t be like this.

“I never wanted this,” I said aloud, backing away slightly. “I never would have asked for you to be left like this. Ever, Ryder. I’m sorry—” I blinked my suddenly blurry eyes. Not wanting to hear more words from Ryder, I rushed out of his room, closing the door behind me. I moved to lean against the wall, right beside it and pressed my hands against my mouth as I breathed through my nose and tried to get a hold of myself.

Not long after, I wished I’d just stayed home. Because the last person I wanted to see at that moment was walking down the hallway, and there was no way to hide.

Fuck my life; I moaned internally. Did Noir have to do this now, of all times?

* * *

“Alexis, these are the directors of the ward, Frank Rogers and Earl Browne. It has come to our attention that in addition to the few cases that you have had to go to court about, we’ve documented several other infractions.”

I was in the witch’s den. She had the senior members of staff lined up to talk to me, but I would have the last laugh when I said what I needed to say.

“Yes, and I was acquitted of all charges. The lawsuits were dropped as the evidence was brought to light that the families were making false accusations against me. I have no idea what other infractions I may have incurred, though.”

Noir cleared her throat and looked at the two men. Frank Rogers was uncomfortable as Noir shifted and avoided eye contact. He was sitting directly opposite me.

Noir had managed to put the three chairs behind her desk so they could all face me. She wanted the upper hand, and it was clear by my cool exterior that I was not going to be bullied.

Earl Browne was a sly man. He had been caught trying to seduce a few of the nurses, and for some reason, the nurses were the ones who got the sack. I wondered if he was trying to do the same thing with me, by keeping silent.

He simply smiled as Noir said, “Yes, we are aware of how you manipulated the facts, but in the case of—”

I didn’t let her finish. There was only one way to save my reputation, and then she would not be able to say that I was fired due to negligence. After my encounter with her yesterday, I’d gone home and typed up a letter, which was in my hand. I handed it to her, and she read it out loud.

“Due to personal reasons, I am unable to fulfill my duties on the ward. I understand that the hospital may take matters into their own hands, but today will be my last day at General Hospital. Yours sincerely, Alexis White.”

She was speechless and dropped the letter on the table, wondering what to say next. The matter was taken out of her hands.

“I heard that your friend was…” Frank Rogers smiled as he said this.

“He’s my boyfriend, and I feel guilty being at work, while I could be at helping him.”

I hated the idea of coming up with such a lie, but I didn’t want to work there. Not when Noir was determined to ruin me. And it didn’t help that I felt worried about Ryder’s state of mind at the moment. If I hadn’t gone to the party, then he never would have gotten in the car and I wouldn’t have gotten in with him and he wouldn’t be stuck in a hospital bed. He would be out on the field playing the game he loved.

Earl Browne continued, “Well, considering the circumstances—”

Noir got up from her chair. She nearly bumped into her table as she headed toward me. “Young lady, you can’t just come into the office and quit like this. You need to give notice; you need to—”

“We went through this with Hayley,” Frank Rogers hissed as he stood up to leave. He started heading for the door, while Noir stood by my side. “Ms. White’s boyfriend’s sick, and she wants to help him. We accept your resignation, Ms. White. Noir, you will need to find a replacement,” Frank said as he left.

Earl Browne quickly followed.

I stood up to leave. There was just the chair between Noir and me.

She puffed out like a dragon. “You can wipe that smirk off your face because eventually you will still need a reference. One call to this hospital and it will be a bad one. When I have finished writing it, you will never get a job again. You mark my words.”

“Write what you like, Noir. You know it’s against the law to say anything to a potential future employer of mine now. And if I find out that you do, I will sue you so fast that hair on your chin will curl up and turn gray!”

I didn’t wait for her to reply. She was busy screaming and shouting as I slammed the door shut. I hated her, and I felt relieved knowing that I would never have to see her ever again.